Gabriel Mizrahi

This might also involve you and your husband adjusting your expectations of your family and seeing what that's like.

You know, whether it's the expectation that they factor in your schedules the same way as everyone else or meet you with the same level of interest or that they really engage with your opinions.

None of those expectations are wrong or inappropriate.

It would be really awesome if your family could do that.

But as you're finding out, not all families can.

And that's where this pain gets recreated.

Yes, but I do want to be clear, and I think this is what her story is really about.

That's also very, very painful.

It's not just a matter of intellectually deciding, okay, I'm not going to need dad to back me up anymore.

I'm not going to get upset when...

Bill won't let me meet the kids.

I'm not going to take it personally when stepmom unleashes at me at Thanksgiving when she doesn't make my favorite dishes for my birthday.

And then, you know, like voila, zero pain.

This is about bringing more awareness to what specifically you might be looking for your family to give you, whether it's realistic, whether it's safe to expect those things from them.

And yeah, experimenting with new ways of relating to them, which might in fact be less intimate, less connected, at least for a period of time.

And then noticing what that does.

Does it help your inner state?

Does it invite something new into the family dynamic?

What does it bring up for you?

So once again, Gabe, we're talking about grief.