Gabriel Mizrahi

The apologizing over and over again, the trying so hard to get in her family's good graces, that has probably helped stave off the grief of having to confront the possibility, increasingly the reality, that she might not have the family she ideally wants.

So to go back to your question earlier, Jordan, what happens

If she stops apologizing, what happens when she stops working so hard?

I think so.

And that would include working through the guilt, through the sadness, which is probably very old, very layered.

And that's going to take some time.

That would be really rich territory for her to explore.

My hunch is that the guilt is partly a way to stay connected to her family.

If she decides to give up and pull back, that would mean feeling all of this pain even more.

And the guilt might be a way to have to keep trying with them.

It's kind of like an emotional glue.

I'm sure.

I also wonder if what she experiences as guilt is actually inverted anger.

Yeah, and specifically, I'm so mad at you for hurting me, might become, it must be on me to make you love me.

Like you said, this probably does go back a very long way.

And so yeah, it is entirely possible that these people are worth continuing to pursue a relationship with, but the question they're posing to you in their strange way is, what kind of relationship should that be?

What kind of relationship does it want to be?

It's a very big question.

It's a little confusing, and also it can change over time.

Maybe the answer you come to is, honestly, not much of a relationship at all, and you are allowed to decide that.