Gabriel Mizrahi

I mean, if you met this guy picking honey crisps in Wisconsin, you would probably laugh at him.

But if you're his girlfriend, this is a Dostoevsky novel.

She goes on, this could lead a person in my situation to feel trapped, but I found some constructive ways to protect and empower myself.

Al-Anon, some counseling, a class on codependency, and nearly two years of regular jiu-jitsu practice where Grandmaster Carlos' mantra to quote, be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind, unquote,

is becoming wired into my muscle memory.

I'm increasingly unperturbed and resilient when my sweetheart has meltdowns.

I see through his predictable way of behaving now, and I've gotten pretty good at setting boundaries and removing myself physically when he's losing his shit, so I'm pretty okay these days.

I've learned to take a very hands-off, let-him-spin-his-own-wheels approach.

My refusal to participate in his worst behaviors has seemed to shorten their duration in the moments they happen.

But I'm also increasingly aware of how persistent his mental health struggles are, of how he self-medicates by sucking on nicotine and THC vapes like baby bottles instead of doing any kind of therapy or truly deep 12-step work, or engaging with nutrition and exercise to mitigate mental health symptoms.

The smell of cotton candy vape fumes is how I will viscerally remember this stage of my life.

that was vivid bro yeah this is very much the madeline soaked in tea of the uh oppositional defiant world i have no idea what that means it's fine i feel like i need to know what a madeline soaked in tea okay no it's fine one of those references that i would be more embarrassed to explain how i know about it than to leave it alone

Yeah, no one knows, Gabe.

Anyway, all right, so... About a year and a half ago, he raged verbally at his boss and got fired, which made for a hard winter when the farmhand jobs he relies on only hire in spring and during late summer harvest.

Then, just last week, he raged at our landlord, who was making a reasonable request of us, and he also went to our landlord's house a couple days later and yelled at our landlord's wife over the incident.

Luckily for us, it's a small town and our landlord's wife loves me, so I was able to do some rooted in Al-Anon principles damage control, basically explaining to the landlords what is and isn't within my control and what I personally am able to do as a tenant to comply with their reasonable requests.

You ever take care of your side of the street so good you narrowly avoid being homeless?

Yeah, this is a great ad for Al-Anon, I will say that.

Truly.

I told them that I could not predict or promise how my sweetheart will behave, and they made it clear that if any verbal raging happens again, at least one of us will be evicted.