Gary Direnfeld

A consultant, by definition, is someone who provides their guidance, which may or may not be used.

That is hard for parents.

Sometimes the outcomes when the child doesn't heed the guidance of the parent is disastrous.

However, the kid isn't going to listen anyways.

And so if there is a disaster, rather than the I told you so,

The parent has to go into empathy mode.

Sweetie, I see that didn't work for you.

How are you?

Versus I told you so.

Like if you ever wag that finger, do you expect the teen to listen?

But if you go to empathy mode, you know, I'm sorry that this turned out for you.

What do we learn from this, sweetheart?

Is there any learning from this?

Is there anything that you would do differently on a go-forward basis?

Maybe they'll say yes.

Maybe they'll say no.

You're there to reinforce, hopefully, better judgment as they speak it to you.

This is the consultant role, no longer the boss.

Yeah, well, then you set up a dynamic between you and your kid where the kid is going to wrestle their independence from you.

And because they're angry, you know, the angrier we are, the poorer our judgment.