Gemma Spake

You've got to be courageous enough to take risks.

And that's what you're doing right now.

You're building the story and you're making it an interesting one by embracing change.

I think if change is continuously framed as something that's just only pointless, only chaos, only emotional disruption, it will always feel like a negative.

It will always feel like something to avoid.

But if it's framed as the way you become more yourself, the way that you get to your goals, the path through, it starts to feel more like a transition, not just the end outcome.

I think it helps to remember that change is also rarely one big cinematic leap.

Instead, it's usually a series of small stages, small steps.

Another model, I guess, theory that I love is the trans-theoretical model of change.

This was developed by researchers in the 90s and it describes change as not a before and after, but moving through phases where occasionally things aren't working and occasionally they're working really well.

you know you move through these phases of like not really considering it yet then seriously thinking about it then preparing then acting then trying to maintain the new behavior the key thing is that people slide back and forth through these stages all the time they're prepared they're not prepared they're sticking with that habit suddenly the habit is broken

The thing is, is that they're always continuing to have forward motion, even within the cycle.

They're always trying to get back to the place they want to be.

So if you've been thinking about moving city, if you've been thinking about leaving your job for whatever reason,

and you're still in that anticipation phase, the next stage is like only a few centimeters away.

All you have to do is just shift yourself into that preparation stage, into that doing stage.

Maybe you're not going to apply or keep applying or maybe you're not going to go through with it, but at least you can say you were in that stage even for a little while.

Seeing changes as a process that has ambivalence, that has messiness, that has false starts and experimentation like all built into it,

That can soften the unease and it can soften the all or nothing thinking of like, if I'm going to accept, embrace, pursue change, I better be 100% committed or 100% not in at all.

This links actually to a lot of the ideas that come from acceptance and commitment therapy.