Gemma Speck

It doubles every second you would normally spend just thinking and acting.

Another thing to be cautious of is that self-hatred can leak outwards.

We've spoken a lot about the individual cost of this inner critic, but shame has a way of becoming very relationally toxic.

When people are so wrapped up in this chronic self-contempt and self-hatred,

They may become more irritable, more defensive, more comparative.

And I think it's safe to say more likely to project onto others because we're more likely to feel threatened by the traits we see in those around us.

And we're more likely to feel threatened, especially by the traits that we've taught to punish in ourselves.

So we see somebody who really likes themselves and we think, well, why can't I do that?

Why don't I have that opportunity?

I'm going to hate them for it.

A really interesting study published in 2014 actually summarizes

looked at the way that both guilt and shame manifest in social outcomes.

And what they found was that actually, whilst guilt can fuel more pro-social behaviours,

Shame was more associated with maladaptive social patterns.

So things like aggression, withdrawal, judgment, not because people wanted to be these things.

They didn't want to do these things.

They don't want to be that person.

Nobody wants to be that person.

It just felt necessary to protect themselves and to protect the inner critic from having to admit that maybe it was wrong.

Maybe there was a better way of living that wasn't just hating ourselves into existence.