Gemma Speck

creates bad luck by stopping us from trying.

Research from the University of Rochester shows that self-sabotaging comes with real psychological cost.

Over time, it reinforces maladjustment, it reduces competence satisfaction,

Meaning that we are never happy even when we do succeed because we always think that it's some kind of fluke.

And it's linked to negative mood, substance abuse, and just lower overall intrinsic motivation.

Because you never try as well.

Even if you do succeed, we think that it's a fluke.

But...

Often in the situations where we don't, because we never try, you never gather the new evidence that those critical thoughts about yourself are wrong.

And so the old negative belief stays unchallenged.

You do not learn that maybe they would have said yes.

You do not learn that maybe you were ready for that new role.

But maybe people do really like you.

Maybe there was an amazing opportunity on the other side of you just...

asking that question the only truth that remains true and that is reinforced when you self-sabotage because of self-hatred is that your inner critic is helpful is that it is useful and it was correct after all because look you failed look nothing happened see it was trying to protect you that was going to be the outcome all along at least you didn't embarrass yourself in the process

I think the other cost of self-hatred, other than just the fact that you always lose, is that it consumes an unbelievable amount of time.

Honestly, more time than we probably have in our busy life.

If you are constantly hypervigilant and monitoring how you sound, how you look, come across, perform...

or are being like perceived and you are you're just using so many attentional resources that could have gone into actually living when your attention is trapped in self-surveillance you stop being in your own life you stop actually being present and you just start performing the second guessing alone

Literally, second guessing.