Gemma Speck

could have made and the stories that we do make up about that life path, that it's better, that it's happier, that we didn't get to, that we didn't get to have.

This what if that is attached to every single regret, what if I had done this, what if I hadn't, is probably the most important part of it.

When we look at regret under like an emotional microscope,

There are essentially two key ingredients.

One of them is exactly what we're talking about.

It's referred to as counterfactual thinking.

Counterfactual thinking is basically the brain's game of what if you mentally go over an event, you imagine it a million different ways.

One of them is obviously going to be better.

There's the life that's actually happened and then there's the

alternative reality that you play in your head the versions where you said yes instead of no you stayed instead of left you spoke instead of staying quiet researchers call these counterfactuals literally alternatives to the facts they can go in two directions in a downward counterfactual you imagine how it could have been worse like honestly that could have gone horribly

if I hadn't left when I did.

That could have really been a disaster for me.

In upward counterfactuals though, you imagine a better outcome than the one you got.

If only I'd revised properly, I could have passed that exam and then I would have a better job than I do now and I'd be making more money and I'd be happier.

Or if I'd only reached out to my friends more, maybe I'd be less lonely.

Maybe my life would feel like it had more meaning.

It's the upward ones that hurt.

But counterfactuals aren't the only element here.

You might think, you know, if the weather had been better, that holiday would have been amazing.

And you feel a little bit annoyed and disappointed.