Gemma Speck

And the best evidence that this is an external influence, first and foremost, that becomes internalized, the best evidence for this is being around children, right?

Being around kids and seeing that before the age of four or five is

Children have no concept that there is something about themselves that could be unlikable.

Like that is not even something that enters their consciousness.

They don't even think about it.

But then it's almost like there comes a point where a switch gets flipped, a switch gets turned.

My friend actually, she has two kids, one who is three and one who is eight.

I was watching them the other day and we were doing like arts and craft and like the younger one is just like scribbling.

She's having fun and like doesn't really care, is like exploring.

And the eight-year-old was like, this one isn't good.

Like this one is bad.

My art is bad.

Like I have to start over again.

And just like the parallel, like the juxtaposition between these two people

was quite striking.

So where does this come from?

When does this self-loathing first hit?

Psychology will tell us that a lot of self-hatred starts as a form of adaptation.

When we're young, we don't yet have a fully formed, stable sense of self.

So we often borrow our reflections and borrow our sense of identity from other people who we spend a lot of time around.