George Blair-West

It was an exhaustive psychological review on how to make an informed decision.

When that book came out recently, what everybody wanted to talk about, media and readers alike,

was a preference for not choosing the one but finding them through the admittedly romantic process but it was a spectacularly passive process of falling in love.

Why?

Well, my take on it is that we would rather see

the process of romantic love bring the one to us rather than slowing down and evaluating in an informed way whether or not they're a good match for us.

When I looked at a deeper level, at a less conscious level, I saw that we really don't want to see it as a decision because then we have to take responsibility for it.

And if it fails,

That is a burden of some consequence.

When it's a romantic process and it fails, well, it's a shared failure with the universe.

A much better deal than having to blame just ourselves.

Is your potential partner the one, is the wrong question.

In fact, I believe that's a question that is more likely to lead to divorce.

But before we look at better questions, let's look at what's at stake.

Because I would suggest that choosing your lifelong partner is the most consequential decision you will make.

Most of us appreciate the pain, emotional and financial, that divorce causes a couple.

But it's the impact on the next generation that has my attention.

A study of 1,400 people looked at the long-term impact of parental divorce during their childhood when they were followed up at age 32.

Now, the children from the families where their parents had divorced were more than twice as likely to be divorced themselves or to be unemployed.

They were more likely to smoke on a daily basis and drink alcohol to excess.