George Blair-West

In an arranged marriage, all you have from the outset is a commitment, a commitment to make it work no matter what and to make it work as a team.

The lack of romantic feel at these times is not only of no surprise to them, it is of little concern to them.

Commitment carries you through the tough times, romantic love not so much.

So, what do we find if we study the modern arranged marriages to find how they build love over time?

This takes us back to Epstein's work.

He and his co-workers undertook a number of studies to answer that question.

In one particular study, they looked at 35 factors that could build love over time.

Nothing conveys love more than making sacrifices for your partner.

Now, I'm not suggesting that we return to arranged marriages but I do think they have something to teach us.

Allow me to reduce this research down along with my clinical experience to one sentence.

My definition of true love that I believe underpins successful long-term relationships.

True love is the feeling of being fully accepted by another

who is committed to nurturing both your personal growth and their own.

Now, of course, to effectively nurture somebody's personal growth, you have to be empathically interested in where they are on both a day by day basis and in the longer term.

Equally importantly, we have to take responsibility for our own personal growth.

You cannot rely on your partner to meet all of your needs.

It does take a village to grow an adult.

In conclusion, I know people fall head over heels in love, feeling they have found the one.

Judgment free.

If you're young and you just want to fall in love, then do that.