Glenn Weldon

Every time a character is not on screen or turns away from the camera even briefly, they get all this extra dialogue.

It's always wildly unnecessary.

It's either just restating something that we already know or in the fight scenes.

It is these invariably these cheesy 80s action movie wisecrack catchphrases like suck on this.

You're a slippery one.

Look what I've hooked.

And I was like, that's what they came up with.

Things happen.

So many things happen in this movie for no other reason than to deliver that kind of like serotonin hit to the adolescent brain to make a 14-year-old go, cool.

How else to explain how many final destination deaths we get in this thing?

And look, we all possess that adolescent brain, right?

And the adolescent brain doesn't ask much of what it consumes.

It asks something very specific and very narrow, which is good because that's all this movie is.

is capable of delivering.

And in fairness to this film, I'm going to be a little bit more generous than I think you guys are.

I'd say about 60% of the time, I was like, well, that's fun.

But then driving home, I was like, there's a reason 60% is not a passing grade.

That's right.

Because if almost half the time this movie, which wants to be a breezy good time, is just huffing and puffing, it is just out of breath.

And in the hands of a decent action filmmaker like Sam Raimi, which has a lot of stuff in common, some of those cheesy ADR catchphrase stuff, that's early Sam Raimi all over the place.