Gordon Flett

They still want the attention, even if they won't admit it or they'll say, get away, leave me alone.

Not to the point where you're a helicopter parent, certainly.

But I think the problem is for a lot of young people,

They get that attention earlier in life, starting with the early years, and they might get it through the more earlier stages in terms of like me in grade one there when that news came at lunch.

But then some parents feel that they're not effective or they're not wanted and they stop trying.

And a big factor with parents is their feeling of efficacy as a parent.

Parents need to matter too, and expressing this and finding ways to nurture the mutual need will keep these relationships

going, but it's so hardwired.

And I do believe that, you know, they talk about psychological needs.

The three that people talk about are the need for communion, people like at University of Rochester, the need for connection and the need for autonomy.

And I've always said the fourth need is the need to matter.

And we've seen in the anti-mattering work that if you feel like you don't matter, that people are treating you like you're invisible and unwanted and not even

insignificant, but unsignificant.

If you're actually feeling this way, it impacts those other needs where you don't feel as confident anymore.

You don't feel that you can go out and do something where you can make things happen in terms of autonomy.

So it's a core need, but it also relates to other needs and other needs as well.

Like in terms of the need for attention and the need to need just for somebody to be checking in on you.

But I see that sort of thing.

It's great if it's satisfied, but you need to keep having it satisfied.

And sadly, there's so many people out there who don't have their need for mattering to be satisfied.