Gordon Flett

where I said we're going to start as early as we can get out of the house and we're going to go to every single park we can go to until you tell me you've had enough. And that was something we always looked forward to because they knew that it was going to just be me and them having fun, occasional treats and undivided attention as a reminder that I'm going to be there. And that built a bond. And I just want to say for parents who think that the older kids don't need this, well,

No he do. I'll just briefly tell a story that when our first daughter, who's been dealing with juvenile diabetes since the age of eight, was going off to university, she was going to Ottawa, to Carleton, whereas we live in Mississauga in the greater Toronto area. And on the way there, I said to Haley, as we're driving her there, and it's very hard, as parents know, when you're leaving the child's university for the first time, starting to get that empty nest.

I said to her in two weeks, I said, I studied homesickness too. In a couple of weeks, if you need to come home, I will come and get you. And I said, because you need to know your home is still here and we're still here for you as a secure base. And she said, oh, I won't need it. I won't need it. I'm, you know, I'm a tough university student, but it was clear when it was time for us to leave and leave her by herself in Ottawa. She didn't want us to go. So on the Tuesday of the second week, she phones and she goes,

You know that offer of, can I come home? Is it still there? I said, of course it's there. And I said, it's a time unlimited opportunity. Okay. I said, so I'll drive all the way there and all the way back on Thursday. It's like 11 hours in total. Then she says to me, can other people come too? Because I have four other girls who need to come home as well. When they heard about that, you had made this offer. So I had a posse of young girls from the same university.

Kuulin heidän tarinoistaan ja se pysyivät minua huomioon. Olin voinut tehdä kohti kohti kohti. Mutta haluan mainita, että vanhemmat, jotka eivät usko, että heidän on tarpeeksi, ja he eivät ole huomattaneet, kun tuli aika ottaa heidät takaisin viikonloppuun, menin ylös yhdellä rannalla, ja siellä oli isä, jonka tyttö sanoi hyvää huomioon hänelle, koska hän meni takaisin Ottawaan. Ja isä kääntyi rauhoja. Ja tyttö alkoi kääntyä rauhoja.

Because they were missing each other so much. And I said, this is the key thing is like, as a parent, even if you're so busy, just say once in a while, hey, I miss the days when, or I miss the time when, and the reminiscing can make a huge difference. So I also turned to my daughter who was sitting beside me and I said, she's not going to last at Carleton. This is a one year and done. And sure enough, that student then decided to transfer universities and to come back home just because she was missing being home so much. And, but clearly it meant such a thing to

So I just want to say that it's great if the conversation can continue beyond kids for the age of the book. And it's great if resources are developed. One of Canada's best known children's authors, Eric Walters, who's won the Order of Canada Award, has got a book coming out probably in the next year or so. And that's how we met. He was a former teacher and social worker, and he's written a book about that one caring adult who

The story for teenagers is called Far from the Tree. It's about a young man who has a history of criminality in his family. His dad is incarcerated. His older brother is incarcerated. But the principal takes an interest in this kid and says, I'm not letting this kid go down that same path. So the principal is looking out for the child. And when the kid's not in school, he's asking, where are you? And checking in on him. Not to the point of harassment.

I asked Eric, I said, why did you decide to pick on this? He goes, I've seen it. I've seen this in schools that I've been in. And he said he's visited over 2000 schools with his books. That's Eric Walters. And I said, well, I desperately want this book because then I want to be able to tell audiences that, you know, there's resources available for older kids too to start these same conversations around their need to matter and how an adult

that can really keep these ideas going. And kids, when they're doing that, when they're, you know, their acts of kindness, they'll remember how they felt in terms of that and how they will want to get that feeling. I'm sure what you'll be doing through that is you're going to be creating a whole, you know, legion of kids who say, I want to do something public service wise, or at least if they're going to get locked into the world of achievement and all the pressures there,

You'll still have a sense of balance in terms of needing that connection with other people and a sense of what's right and wrong in terms of how you treat other people. One of the things that's related to that is, you know, we hear this talking, people talk about how, you know, we have more similarities than we have differences. This will also show the similarities that people have in terms of the common needs and interests and everybody needing to have this kind of experience. But it's critical, especially, you know,

Ennen kuin odottaa, että jotain tapahtuu, jotta asiat tapahtuvat niin kuin te teette siellä, sekä opiskelijoille että opettajille, niin asioita, jotka voivat kasvaa. Olen varma, että kyseessä on lapsia, jotka päättävät kurssitilanteensa tuloksen takana tällaista kokemusta ja siitä, miten se heidän tuntuu. Tiedän, että suomalaisen tutkijan Robert J. Sternberg, joka tutki erilaisia tietoja,

He's talked about gifted kids and how there needs to be something that puts those gifted kids, intellectually gifted and talented kids, puts them on a stream towards public service so that they can use their incredible creativity and insights. And this is the sort of thing that would take some of those kids and put them in that stream or create a spark with some of these kids where their hidden gifts and talents are then discovered by others. So keep going. And if you can clone yourself, that would be a good thing too.

The healing power mattering. I couldn't put everything into the article that's coming out in the next month or so. But there are cases of people who feel like they don't matter. They're depressed. They may have other forms of mental health challenges. And what happened is they got some role, maybe in a treatment facility or in a community. And they said, hey, wait a minute. I do make a difference. I do matter. I do have some way of being an origin rather than a pawn.

It's transformed lives. If I was going on a search, I can find at least 30 stories in published journal articles and chapters where somebody took on a role like that and it changed their life as well as the lives that they encountered along the way. I also acknowledge I don't want to minimize people's pain. I don't want to minimize the pain. People go, well, you know, I don't have much opportunity to matter, is a concern that some people have.

My wife has said this to me. What about the people who feel like there's no open door for them? There's going to be a door there if you can find one. Whether it's in your community or reaching out to other people. Or even finding a younger person that you can make a difference in. Because they might need somebody to listen to them when nobody else is. My wife was a school librarian. She had told me after she got one year as a school librarian, it was her goal, and then she retired.

I started about halfway through the year that there were five young girls who came and instead of going out for recess or for lunch, they would come to the library just to talk to her. And I said, you know, what difference are you making in their lives? Because they're there for a reason. You're providing them with something that they are not getting enough of. And you're being a role model. I said, that would probably be one of the hardest things about retiring.

is not having that daily interaction with those girls in this case. But there's so many different ways. If somebody, I think at the end of the day, the best advice I would tell somebody who feels they don't matter to others, regardless of that, you still need to matter to yourself. You're not going to let other people rule your emotions. You're not going to have to have other people make you feel a certain way that you're going to say, you know, I have a role to play. I have a valuable role and

Famous people who have become legendary have already known about this. Fred Rogers, who started his work in Canada, by the way, before he went to Pittsburgh, said his number one goal was to let every kid know they matter because they all do matter. And I know that's the case with Oprah and others. It's like everybody has a need to matter. But at the end of the day, don't let others rule your emotion. Find a way that you matter to yourself.

So you'll go get help if you need it. We'll go to the appointment that you're supposed to go to so that you're valuing yourself so that you'll be around longer and that can make a difference in other people's lives. Gord, I love what you just said, because it's exactly why I wrote You Matter, Luma, because every child needs to hear those words, You Matter, before the world teaches them otherwise. Yeah, yeah. And one last plug for Angela. She told me one day, she goes, you know, I'm kind of the person who came up with the You Matter phrase.