Gordon Flett
speaker
1,089 appearances
3 recordings
2 series
first heard Feb 2026
last heard 15 Jun
Gordon Flett’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 3 in all, peaking in Feb 2026 with 2.
Appearances
When we have a transition, we get very uncertain about ourselves.
Some of these transitions include being away from those people who we're close to, who usually provide us our daily sense of mattering.
But I've found that if people are able to develop a sense of what I call the deep mattering, where it's not conditional on anything, it's just you being you and you matter to people, that that will carry forward and help you in these situations.
Some of it is when you're in a new situation, you're faced with all kinds of
different feelings and senses of arousal.
And the people with a feeling of mattering have a capacity to manage their emotions and to calm down and to keep faith in themselves and in their surroundings and in their extended social network that they'll be able to get through and be able to deal with most of the transitions.
Unfortunately, of course, there are the transitions where we actually have lost someone.
So there's a loss of mattering.
And that, of course, is more of a challenge.
But still,
I find that when somebody has made you feel that you're important, you tend to carry that around.
And once you get past the grief, you're more able to be able to remember that positive connection and why that person felt that way about you in the first place.
And that will help carry you forward.
Sure.
I think the first important thing to say here is that we need to be mindful of mattering, and Anne referred to that in terms of mindfulness, but I think we need to be mindful of mattering and not take people for granted or let them feel like they're being taken for granted by not just telling them that they matter, but showing them in terms of
unexpected considerations, thoughtful gestures, because people, no matter how long they've been together, need a reminder that they're still cared about.
And things might be different in many respects, but that core sense of being somebody who's cared about is still there.
And I saw a recent analysis of long-term marital adjustment and showed that in divorced couples, the main thing that seemed to predict it was that they still said they were in love with their former partner, but
they had developed a sense of dissatisfaction.
And I think the dissatisfaction is something that comes from not getting daily reminders or weekly reminders through whatever means that there can be.
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