Gordon Flett

There are differences between the two boys in terms of their personalities, but this was a theme of, you know, I'm not getting the respect I deserve.

I need to get some respect, and I'll do something you'll never forget.

Typically, it's the case of some form of mistreatment or being ignored or being made to feel invisible that arouses these feelings of needing to be significant.

And you can do that through positive ways of interacting with people, but you can also affiliate with people who are less than desirable and engage in antisocial behavior that will impact others.

And

This need to matter will become expressed when it's frustrated, ideally in socially acceptable ways, but often in terms of delinquency, gang activity, and so on.

And I try to remind myself when things happen that are really troubling that everybody has a need to matter and that this will get expressed one way or the other.

Yes.

And I think a key time for that sense of mattering is when you really do need people to step up and show you some comfort and some support.

And the example of Hurricane Katrina and the events in New Orleans and the accounts that people have of

feeling abandoned really stuck with me because in fact, I was at a conference not too long before that.

And I know there was stories of people going to the casino, which I went to with a friend who thought she'd lost her purse there.

And the notion of locking the doors and not opening the doors on people who are desperate for some safety really troubled me in terms of the accounts that I heard.

So this is when you'll feel the sense of not mattering quite acutely when you're in need and then somebody's treating you as if you're insignificant, expendable, worthless.

So it's absolutely critical, I think, to show when people are really down and needing help, that sense of, hey, you're recognizing what they're going through and providing that comfort before it escalates and magnifies their despair, their stress, and even maybe trauma.

Yeah.

And anybody who's in tune with people like he is...

would know that at a basic level, we need to know that we matter, especially when we've been made to feel like we don't matter.

And unfortunately, some people are really needing a lot to know that they matter because they've got such a life of being marginalized and ignored and invisible that even when somebody's initially reaching out, they might say, well, you know, that's just more of the same, not realizing that somebody has a sincere interest in their well-being.

Yes, yes.