Gordon Flett

My wife, back when I started and we were a single income family, often I would find a note for a road trip that she had left when she had packed my bag because she's way better than I am, or in my lunch.

And I know she did this with our daughters and

That, you know, even just writing somebody a note because we don't write notes to people anymore.

And that can also show it.

So if you're not sure whether somebody in your life has a feeling of matter and you think they do, but you're not sure, just show them.

And there's a multitude of ways you can do that.

First of all, it's going to be a sign that they might feel they don't matter if they're just not engaging.

They're locking the door a lot.

They're not spending time.

One thing I want to point out, though, is that

The underestimates of parents also applies to mental health issues in general.

It's well known through multiple studies that parents underestimate the despair and that it's because they're so good at hiding behind a facade or throwing themselves into things like sports or friendships, but nobody ever really taps into how they're feeling inside.

So the outside doesn't match the inside.

I would just say if, and again, if the child seems too unflappable, that to me is an indication.

I'm particularly concerned about the perfectionistic young people who put on the perfect front.

And then we hear a sad story where somebody says, nobody knew that this was a problem.

They didn't know that he or she was feeling this way.

But I say, you know, just find ways to engage.

And the best way is to find some group things where you can just spend time together.

One of the best solid indicators of a sense of mattering, especially when there's been a breakup in the family, the single parent situation, is how much time the parent spends with the child in things where they seem to be enjoying each other's company.