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Greg Fitzsimmons

đŸ‘€ Speaker
See mentions of this person in podcasts
2474 total appearances

Appearances Over Time

Podcast Appearances

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

How little they've given, like we were done using their blubber for lantern oil about 150 years ago. I think just in general, how much save the whale, whale talk, whale watching, stop the Japanese harpooning ships from, I think in general. Yeah, whale reparations should be over.

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

For me, I'm just going to look back, I'm going to be in my deathbed, and I'm going to be thinking about... They're going to go, is your life flashing before you? And I'm going to be going, yes, it's a gay whale. He wants to get married. He also wants to smoke cannabis. And we're going to argue about it. Oh, and we're worried about... Aquarium to prison pipeline. We're worried about the secondhand smoke that's coming from his cannabis. Like it's...

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

MielestÀni koko elÀmÀni tulee olemaan vain yksi toisenkielinen rauha, rauha, rauha, rauha, rauha, rauha, rauha, rauha, rauha, rauha, rauha, rauha.

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

My voice is, it led the news. It was the whales and it turns out they are getting into shipping lanes. And they could theoretically be getting hit by container ships because they're in shipping lanes. And we got a picture of a huge container ship. Now, here was a thought I had.

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

My thought of course wasn't, oh my god, someone's got to do something about the whales. I feel Daryl Hannah would have had that thought, but not this one. She's going to chain herself to a humpback.

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

Cary, what is the size of the... I believe the sperm whale is the biggest, but the blue may be the biggest or the second biggest. It's a hundred feet long. The blue whale is the biggest, but... Blue or sperm, either way. But yeah, blue, a hundred feet long and tons, thousands and thousands of pounds. And I just thought to myself...

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

They're not that smart. When you see the picture of the container ship, now the blue whale may be several thousand pounds and 8,500 feet long, but the container ship is 700 feet long and weighs hundreds and thousands of metric tons. This whale probably doesn't know that that's a ship, but he should know that that's a bigger fucking whale coming towards me. That's what I'm saying. So the whale...

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

Must be, whales got a weird life, because the whales going around the ocean looking at great white sharks and going, 25 feet, 18 feet, I shit bigger than you. That's right, and looking at giant yellowfin tuna and dolphins going, kibble. And then all of a sudden they look up and here comes something that's 50 times their size, just making their way and going, god damn, that is the biggest motherfucker in this world.

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

They have to think something of it, right? I mean, when they see other things swimming around the ocean, they have a thought. They just must think.

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

When they have like the whale convention. Whale con? Yeah. And the door walls are, you know, they're grouped off over here and the killer whales over here. And they think killers are pejorative. And they're arguing over whether they're white and black or black and white or mixed or what they should call themselves. Whale American. Breakout sessions. Killer whales. Really so dangerous? Right. And there they are.

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

At some point, somebody's got to go, there is that massive whale that never comes to the convention, that dwarfs all of us, that no humans ever really talk about. And no Japanese ever tries to harpoon them. How come? Think how much blubber they could get from that whale. They'd kill thousands of us to get just a blubber from that one whale. They'd never go after them. Is that whale like a god to them?

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

No, toivottavasti ei, koska hÀn kÀÀntÀÀ heidÀt. Oho, odotus, rauhallinen, rauhallinen Jumala. MÀ ajattelin sitÀ, mutta odotus. Japanilainen rauhallinen kaveri tulee ylös, se on hieman isompi, hyvin rauhallinen rauha, joka tappaa heidÀt, eikö? Niin pitÀÀ olla, ettÀ hei, kumpadre, mitÀ tapahtuu, iso mies? Ja sitten se on Shaquille O'Neal, ja sitten hÀn tappaa sinut ylös jotain? Ja sitten sinut laittaa ulos ja ylös, kuten rapturissa. Kuten rapturissa.

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

Jumalat ovat hankalaisia. MitÀ verrattuna? Se oli hankalainen jumala. HÀn meni suoraan ympÀri isomman jumalan. Katsotaan kuvan jumalasta. TÀssÀ on minun pointti. Silloin pitÀisi saada ulos jotain, joka on kristallisen rakennuksen kautta. Joka menee lopulta lopulta loppuun, kun olet melko vahva.

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

Ei mennÀ rauhassa tai veneen rauhassa, vaan mennÀ kohti kohti kohti kohti kohti kohti kohti

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

These marine mammals are super smart, dolphins and whales. They probably couldn't articulate it, but they probably know that it's not animal, right? Let's check whale tweets. Like cool fins. But wait a second, Brian. They have no context for any man-made, anything that's not organic. You know what I mean? I mean that's moving, that's animated and not organic.

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

EivÀtkö maalit kÀyttÀneet enemmÀn kÀrsiÀ kuin me? Kukaan ei tiedÀ. Joi vain nÀki Lucy. Niin se on se, mitÀ sanon. Joisi, oletko nÀhnyt Lucy? MÀ jatkan, jos puhutaan Joisi vielÀ kerran. MinÀ nÀin Lucy eilen. Oletko?

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

Are you obsessed with how much your brain... I'm obsessed with the fact that they said that the dolphin uses more brain than we do. Dolphins don't have podcasts, though. Or many of the other things. They live in podcasts. Compared to other dolphins or other animals... Ooh, nice. Maybe they are quite smart. Compared to people, I think that we are still leading the smartness. I want to know what does a whale and or a porpoise or dolphin think of a container ship?

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

Adam, tÀssÀ on se, mitÀ minÀ yritÀn sanoa. MÀ kysyn sinulle kysymyksen! Okei, mennÀÀn. MennÀÀn. MikÀ oli se kysymys taas? Se oli, mitÀ rauha, porpoinen tai rauha ajattelee kotona? Ajattelee, ettÀ se on isompi asia, joka menee maailmalle? Tai ei ajattele sitÀ? Tai ajattelee, ettÀ se on jotain ihmisen tehtÀvÀÀ, vaikka ei ole varma, mitÀ ihminen on? Katsokaa, vaikka rauha ajattelee, ettÀ rauha on ruokaa.

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

Joten rauhojen tÀytyy miettiÀ... KyllÀ, se on asia. Rauha nÀkee kaverin surfboardissa. Rauha miettii, ettÀ se on rauha, ja tuntuu, ettÀ se on. He eivÀt tiedÀ, ettÀ se ei ole elÀin. En tiedÀ, mutta... Katsotaanko mitÀ? Katsotaanko mitÀ? Katsotaanko mitÀ? Katsotaanko mitÀ? Katsotaanko mitÀ?

Adam Carolla Show
Greg Fitzsimmons + Kevin Sorbo (Carolla Classics)

Kun me nÀemme ison tyyppiÀ, noin kuinka monta kertaa me nÀemme hÀnet, noin 6'4", no 6'6". Me aina reagoimme samalla tavalla. Me sanomme, ettÀ hÀn on iso. Joka kerta. Mutta me nÀemme hÀnet kymmenen kertaa. HÀn on iso. Me antaisimme samaa kukkua ja samaa kukkua. Mutta mitÀ minÀ sanon on, ettÀ... TÀmÀ kukku ei tee tÀtÀ... MinÀ olen 6'2". MinÀ nÀin Shaqa ja minÀ... Ja Shaq on 7'2".