Greg Gutfeld

Each sentence should begin compared to a Democrat.

You know, when a man is being chased by a bear, you don't have to outrun the bear, just your spouse.

Like, as long as you're against Democrats, you don't have to be perfect.

You just have to be better than them.

And that's easy.

Joy Reid is now singing for spare change.

And it's amazing how once the power of the mainstream media, the corrupt press, is removed—

Thank you for having me.

Oh, no, these are objective journalists.

They're professionals.

But then when you strip away the actual power that they have, oh, man, they're as left-wing as you'll come.

And then on to Spanberger.

I will take a giraffe or a frog over Spanberger, and I'll tell you why.

Their costumes are obvious.

You know, she pulled off a Biden.

She won by wearing the costume of the sensible moderate.

You know, but once she got in, she stripped off the Joe Manchin skin suit and revealed a 2026 wokester.

There's nothing she objects to, from trancing kids to targeting ICE.

You know, I'd rather have a frog for governor than her.

At least you can kiss a frog and maybe it'll turn into something else.