Greg Gutfeld

This guy licked the toad.

Whoa, what is that?

Yes.

I don't know where she got the idea, but I will.

I just wish we could stop expanding the category of teens.

These are like adult men who should be working.

Hey, let's have a snowball fight.

And they get high and that's what they do because that's what we have in New York.

And there's nothing, in my opinion, there's nothing more winterly fun than facial lacerations.

But I was thinking about this question.

Let's say you're not a cop and you're walking with your mother or your wife or whoever, and this happens.

You know, there's a bunch of strange men maliciously throwing snowballs at you.

What actually can you do if a snowball isn't construed as a weapon?

It's not a knife or a gun, but it could have, like, rocks or ice in it.

How do you do it so you don't go to jail or you're not the one that is guilty of something?

So I decided a snowball fight is like sex.

To be acceptable, it has to be consensual.

And clearly this wasn't consensual.

So in a situation where they are attacking you, you have a right to respond also in a non-consensual manner, which means you grab their butts or their balls and you just twist, twist as hard as you can.

And no, you know, if they didn't ask for my consent, why should I ask for their theirs?