Haley

We've never met, never talked on the phone, never FaceTimed, just Facebook message.

An old friend went to school with him, so he's allegedly a real human and not a ghost with a debit card.

He pays me to ask weird questions, send animated pictures, or just say the most off-the-wall sexual nonsense imaginable.

Basically creative writing, but sponsored.

Here's the thing, though.

This man is obsessed with the idea of me and a horse.

Like, emotionally vested.

So invested that he sends animated pictures of me living out a life that would get a podcast episode named after it.

At one point, he even drifted into, what about your dog's territory?

And I was like, yeah, absolutely not.

Now sometimes it gets so weird that I don't even respond.

I just silently pass my husband the phone.

I don't yuck someone's young, but I do clock out.

Anyway, money was made.

Reality was questioned.

And somewhere out there is a man who truly believes I live on a very imaginative arm.

Yeah.

I would have been the friend, though, that's making the sandwich.

That's me.

I'm like, yeah, but there's free bagels.