Harley Finkelstein

Being a great husband often means doing things that are unnatural.

A simple example that I think a lot of us fall into the trap of seems to be more of something that men suffer from, at least in my experience, which is that Lindsay comes home with a problem.

And my immediate reaction is to try to help her solve that problem.

I don't know if it's biological.

I'm not sure whether it's my amygdala or my lizard brain, but reflexively, I go into problem-solving mode.

It feels like that's what I'm supposed to do.

And

Eight out of 10 times, it's not what she wants.

And so because I know that I'm bad at that, we've created these, you know, our version of mnemonic devices, which is like, I now ask her, do you want me to solve this problem?

Or do you want me to just listen?

And almost always she just wants me to listen.

So, in the opposite of like, you know, someone asked me a question on a topic and I can go on a tangent about a story, I actually have to spend a lot of time moving from my amygdala to my prefrontal cortex.

to actually be a great husband to her.

Same thing with the kids.

Um, often what I realize is my reflex with my, with Bailey and Zoe is often the wrong thing.

Bailey tells me about a problem.

I go in solution mode.

And what Lindsay will often say is that's not what she was asking you to do.

She just wanted to be heard or she was looking for your advice or she wasn't looking for you to solve the problem for her.

So that journey, I think I'm, I am, um,