Iris Mauss

So things like how often do you visit each other's families, disagreements about finances, disagreements about housework.

And so the couple's

had basically a fight in the lab.

And then we had them carry out a positive conversation where we told them to tell each other how much they appreciated one another and what they loved about one another.

And those were lovely conversations.

Now, after each conversation, we asked them how much they had suppressed their feelings while they had talked with their romantic partner.

And we also asked them how well they thought the conversation went and how connected they felt to one another.

And what we found is that no matter whether we were looking at a fight or at the loving conversations, when people said that they had suppressed their emotions, and that was true for positive and for negative emotions, the more they suppressed them, the less they shared them with their partner,

the less well the conversations went and the less connected they felt to one another.

So that suggests that holding back emotions, even if it's negative emotions, seems to disturb social connection.

Yeah, so when my son was a really little baby, I'd say between six months and maybe it went all the way till three years, he would have what is sometimes called witching hour, which is...

Exactly what it sounds like.

It's long hours of crying and fussiness.

And so he would cry.

It's time to go to sleep.

I needed to rest.

I would rock him back to sleep and really, really gingerly put him in his crib.

And he would instantly wake back up and it would start over, repeating itself over

up to like two hours, maybe even more at a time.

And I remember being really distressed about it just because it's exhausting, unpleasant, but really thinking,