Isaiah McKimmie

This is a Triple J podcast.

When our bids are not met and not met in a way that feels good to us, we stop making those bids and we stop responding to the other person's bids for connection as well.

Always a pleasure.

Thanks, Dee.

You know, it doesn't surprise me.

The most common issue that couples see me for as a couples therapist and sexologist is a mismatch in desires around sex and very often just an overall mismatch in how they like to be touched, how much they like to be touched is part of that as well.

So it doesn't surprise me at all.

So there's quite a few reasons that we might see.

I mean, upbringing and culture can have a huge impact.

So if someone doesn't grow up in an environment where they get touch and they get safe touch and loving touch, it's going to be really hard for them later in life.

So we might see someone who's a little bit more avoidant.

You know, because they've learned to self-soothe, can find touch really difficult.

Also, if someone has experienced unwanted touch or painful touch or traumatic touch, then they're also going to have a reaction to that.

You know, it might also be because of neurodiversity as well or certain things that have built up through someone's life.

Look, we are wired for touch as human beings.

We know that it is an important part of our development and that this is something that is a really, really common need and desire for so many people.

Whereas some other ways of showing love might be a little bit more dependent on that particular person and their particular culture.

But we know that touch is a human need.

It's a need for almost

all mammals.