Jack Crivici-Kramer

We repeat, America's biggest bank is now running its most exclusive bar.

It's a true story.

It's a British pub theme, and the Guinness in there flows like spreadsheets.

But Jack, if you ask to split the G, they're going to think you're referring to a thousand bucks over there.

Your card better be platinum.

I got fish and chips for the mergers and acquisitions.

Beggars and mash for the sales and trading over here.

But the problem is that America's biggest bank miscalculated the demand for this bar.

Because there are only 55 seats for the building's 10,000 workers.

It's like some intern discounted the wrong cocktail cash flow.

I mean, some analyst is definitely going to work till 2 a.m.

on this one, Jack.

So J.P.

Morgan's internal office bar is the hardest table in New York.

Even if you work at J.P.

Morgan, besties, a standard reservation, it's free.

But instant reservation?

That costs 5% of your tab or 25 bucks, whichever is greater.

Remember, this is a bank.

Oh, and if you try paying with your city card, they're going to put you in a doggie bag.