Jake Cornell

I've hooked up with like a quarter of the audience.

I'm trying to hook up with another quarter.

And then half of them are like, don't ruin this for me.

Well, I'm sort of like, if I bought, it's like, cause like anytime, anytime someone is willing to like engage with me romantically after I have performed live comedy in front of them, I'm like you, I like, I either must be good or you have a brain injury because like, there's no way, like the most unsexy thing in the world is being bad at comedy.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, I agree.

Like the most...

Okay.

I did improv in New York city for six years.

Um,

I watched women sit and watch their men do the most horrific shit on stage you've ever seen and then come off the stage and be like, good show, baby.

And I was like, heterosexuality is a sickness.

Like, this is crazy.

Like, crazy.

You bitches are brainwashed.

You bitches are brainwashed.

I'd watch a man tag every person offstage off to do a solo scene where they, like, gave birth to a rhinoceros.

They played the person giving birth and the rhinoceros.

Thought it was funny.

Woman would try to walk on.