Jake Haendel

She would always say I could tell he's in there by his eyes. So during this time, she would ask me, is this what you want? And I can do absolutely nothing. And she'd be like, yeah, that's what he wants. It was like she could like read my mind.

She would always say I could tell he's in there by his eyes. So during this time, she would ask me, is this what you want? And I can do absolutely nothing. And she'd be like, yeah, that's what he wants. It was like she could like read my mind.

I just remember him kind of hovering over me, checking things out. And he goes, well, Ellen... I think he only has hours left. It didn't really ring the alarm for me until I got rolled or moved and my eyes glanced at my chest and it was blue. I'm like an avatar. This might be it. The hospice nurse says, there's anyone you'd like to call to say they could buy us nails that time.

I just remember him kind of hovering over me, checking things out. And he goes, well, Ellen... I think he only has hours left. It didn't really ring the alarm for me until I got rolled or moved and my eyes glanced at my chest and it was blue. I'm like an avatar. This might be it. The hospice nurse says, there's anyone you'd like to call to say they could buy us nails that time.

And she called her mother-in-law, and she didn't call my family. And then the hospice nurse says, is there anything else I could get for you? She goes, I think I want a priest job. Unlike Jewish, the priest showed up like it was for me, and I was read last rites. I just remember saying to myself, well, I guess I'll take all the help I can get right now.

And she called her mother-in-law, and she didn't call my family. And then the hospice nurse says, is there anything else I could get for you? She goes, I think I want a priest job. Unlike Jewish, the priest showed up like it was for me, and I was read last rites. I just remember saying to myself, well, I guess I'll take all the help I can get right now.

While this was happening, my hospice nurse took it upon himself to call my dad.

While this was happening, my hospice nurse took it upon himself to call my dad.

It was pretty tragic. The cops were kind of like rushing this. My dad's like crying and coming close to me. And my wife is muttering words, nasty things, like, well, he's, like, crying to me.

It was pretty tragic. The cops were kind of like rushing this. My dad's like crying and coming close to me. And my wife is muttering words, nasty things, like, well, he's, like, crying to me.

Yeah. And whispering in my ear, like, it's okay. It's okay, my boy. You're going to go see your mom. It's okay. It was, like, very heavy and sad.

Yeah. And whispering in my ear, like, it's okay. It's okay, my boy. You're going to go see your mom. It's okay. It was, like, very heavy and sad.

I'm just like, guys, everyone, like, you can all be sad or, like, angry or, like, whatever, but just stop giving each other shit. As all this bickering is going on, I experience this very strange experience, but... I believe this was the closest you can come to death. In fact, I believe this, what I experienced, might be death. I'm looking at the ceiling.

I'm just like, guys, everyone, like, you can all be sad or, like, angry or, like, whatever, but just stop giving each other shit. As all this bickering is going on, I experience this very strange experience, but... I believe this was the closest you can come to death. In fact, I believe this, what I experienced, might be death. I'm looking at the ceiling.

It was like this hum of a fluorescent light started coming. dulling out the bickering. It was getting harder to hear that, and by simultaneously, my pain began to dissipate. I'm getting this kind of calm, and the hum is getting louder, and their voices are now silent. They're like on mute, and I'm no longer in pain. I'm saying to myself, wow, this must be death.

It was like this hum of a fluorescent light started coming. dulling out the bickering. It was getting harder to hear that, and by simultaneously, my pain began to dissipate. I'm getting this kind of calm, and the hum is getting louder, and their voices are now silent. They're like on mute, and I'm no longer in pain. I'm saying to myself, wow, this must be death.

I have enough time to start thinking about my mom on hospice and I know she was in pain and it gave me comfort to know. I don't know, but I felt like I knew that maybe her pain was non-existent at the end. I didn't want to die, but I wasn't scared of it either. I actually felt calm and at peace.

I have enough time to start thinking about my mom on hospice and I know she was in pain and it gave me comfort to know. I don't know, but I felt like I knew that maybe her pain was non-existent at the end. I didn't want to die, but I wasn't scared of it either. I actually felt calm and at peace.

You know when you're watching an old school cartoon, the picture kind of gets closed and it's like this black surrounds it? It was like that, slowly. It was like, I'm losing more and more and more, and now I'm just seeing it lit. And then, like, lights out. And I had enough time to say, I just died. And I was asleep. And then I woke up and I was in horrible pain. And I said, oh, fuck.

You know when you're watching an old school cartoon, the picture kind of gets closed and it's like this black surrounds it? It was like that, slowly. It was like, I'm losing more and more and more, and now I'm just seeing it lit. And then, like, lights out. And I had enough time to say, I just died. And I was asleep. And then I woke up and I was in horrible pain. And I said, oh, fuck.