Jake

I don't know when it was.

I can't pinpoint it at the moment.

And I became part, I wasn't connected to the collective consciousness.

But my mind finally played the trick on me that my family would be better off without me.

I was a part of it.

I'm sitting there experiencing that.

And once again, just pure, unconditional love and feeling whatever God is and whatever the universe is.

And I got pretty close to being a part of that statistic.

I can't possibly emphasize that I thought about it every single day just because...

And I'm experiencing the universe and everything has to offer, you know, what I believe is the base of God and consciousness and everything like that.

it gave me power over what I was experiencing.

So, you know, I would drive into school and I remember coming over the hill and seeing the mountains as I drove down into campus and

And then all of a sudden, all the molecules start changing, including my own.

Everything, just this energy shift goes through and everything turns into the love of my wife.

seeing all this beauty and listening to my favorite music, but just being in utter despair inside and simultaneously having a headache and simultaneously having my vision blurred and my neck hurting and my back hurting and all of this.

So...

My wife was with me from the beginning.

I actually met her when I was going through SWCC school, our selection out in Coronado, and she's been with me for 10 years.

And even if you're not planning on doing it, it just feels really, really nice to know that you're in control when you're in that spot.

She's dealt with the deployments, she's dealt with the trips, she dealt with me not being the best person at the beginning of my time serving.