Jake

I spent like a day researching to prove to myself that that was a real number because I just didn't believe it.

Cause that was like, that was the ego death was after that.

And that's the number, so...

It was, it was a dissolution of that, that thing in your head that, that tells you you're not good enough and that you've always got to be chasing something.

I mean, I'm not shy about it at all because I'm proud of where I am now.

And I want to share with everybody that there's a way out of that dark place.

I take the next hit and this one is a full dose and I completely dissolve.

But I was bad for years.

But the thing keeping me from doing the worst thing and hurting myself was that I never wanted to hurt my family.

Like my physical body no longer exists.

Time doesn't exist.

And I just completely become part of the universe.

And...

I atomize and every molecule that is me is also part of the universe.

I don't know when it was.

I can't pinpoint it at the moment.

And I became part, I wasn't connected to the collective consciousness.

But my mind finally played the trick on me that my family would be better off without me.

I was a part of it.

I'm sitting there experiencing that.