James Everett

We began the week with Carol being a cow again and refusing to let Leonard in until he had declared the presence of cake.

But in her defence, I'd get pretty annoyed if I had an octogenarian stalker.

Jill has taken to deploying Leonard to interfere, as why would she shuffle round the village sticking her oar in when she can sit on the sofa eating ginger nuts and watching Outlander while her slippered mercenary Leonard trundles round the village doing her bidding and getting into trouble?

Or on this occasion, get a cake tin back.

For one horrible moment, I thought he'd been sent to get the cake back.

He'd need to have danger money for that, not just whatever shriveled rewards Jill's given him.

I'd bite someone that tried to take a lemon drizzle off me that was given in good faith.

Anyway, Carol has decided that she needs to check if the bats are likely to fall over in the attic, so has installed the camera up there.

She's given them all pendant alarms, does their shopping once a week, and has stuck post-it notes and everything to remind them to turn the gas off.

Krusty and her baby are going to be absolutely fine, everybody, because Helen has a good feeling of all the stupid things to say to someone with a history of miscarriage, honestly.

More stupid things included Den saying he was now in the right headspace to take an interest in his children.

Coincidentally, now that they are solvent, don't require anything from him and need no alteration to his routine whatsoever.

Oh, smashing.

They were probably in the right headspace to have had a father 20 years ago.

He spent the week stalking Brad to such an extent I thought the poor boy was going to have to take out a restraining order.

He took him to watch Worcestershire Second Eleven, which is cricket, I presume, and then spent the afternoon sharing the fact that he envisioned Brad's future career as mostly involving a sparkly waistcoat.

Helen has already started being an irritating neighbour to Tracy and seems to be regarding her as her fixer for neighbourhood issues.

This is going to be nightmarish for Tracy.

There's someone in my drive, Tracy?

Once you've done the dairy, Tracy, if you could just pop round to give the sitting room a quick clean, that'd be great.