Jane's Husband
Appearances
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
Did he change the way he votes now? No, no.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Sexual Past Is Haunting My New Marriage
Yep. Yep. We've been, we've been doing that. Yep. We found a good one.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
So I am trying. It's been one year since I did a benevolent donation of my left kidney. No way, dude. What was that like? It was a pretty amazing process. Look back of all the decisions I've made in life. It was an amazing decision. And it's just a decision I was so very much at peace with a lot of thought and consideration.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
The process to donate your kidney takes so much time from the medical, the psychological and everything.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
No, it was a total stranger. So benevolent donation. And that's, that's what's prompting my, my call today is trying to get closure on that because we've now hit the one year mark and I've never heard from the recipient and Which has kind of created, to me, it feels like that book and you get to the last chapter and you find the pages are missing.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
So I'm having a tough time kind of reconciling that I've never heard from that person. Do you know who it is? I don't. So the way the process works is when you go through the process, it took almost a year to kind of go through and be selected as a benevolent donor. I went in March of last year.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
The recipient was just an operating room away, so they took my left kidney from me and then went over to my recipient there. And I anticipated that sometime within the first year, probably one of three outcomes would happen. One is, and all of these communication is handled through the hospital, that they would reach out and there'd be kind of some connection.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
You get to know the person, be able to kind of see the benefit of the donation and really make that connection. Or I figured there would just be kind of an anonymous note, which I get. If somebody received a kidney, they may just want to keep that degree of separation, but at least just just something that helps for me bring closure. What was the benefit of receiving it?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
Oftentimes I'll hear, I have colleagues who've donated kidneys and the dialysis that their spouse didn't have to go to, for example, and just how a living kidney donation really benefited their life. The outcome that I wasn't expecting, although they prepare you for, is that you just hear nothing.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
And that's the piece I'm struggling with, is I just anticipated some closure, maybe a card that just sits in a drawer that just sort of memorializes this. But it's never happened, and I'm trying to figure out how going forward I live with it. My story just feels just a little bit incomplete. There you go.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
That I don't know. And honestly, that's the reason I'm reaching out to you because I'm hoping someone can put me in the place of what might be going through the recipients. I know, but you've concocted some story, right? Yeah, but the story I've concocted I hope is not accurate. Let it rip. Let it rip because there's some value in speaking it out.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
Yeah, I don't want to believe that they just took it for granted, that they just treated it like, you know, we go to the blood bank and we give blood and we get our free cookies. And that's just more transactional. I would hope that they just don't take it for granted. And I have heard through kind of post follow up. There's obviously kind of rigid follow up once you give a donation.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
I would hope that they're not taking it for granted. But that is my concern, that they just feel as if they've kind of received this gift and that they've given no thought to what it's like to be on the other side of that ledger, of being the person who donated. And that's my concern is, gosh, did I give my kidney to someone who is just indifferent to the gift?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
And I want to be clear, I'm not looking for the keys to the city credit or anything. An anonymous note would more than satisfy it. but it just feels like I have seven eighths of a story and that's going to be the story that sticks with me. So when people ask, what was it like to donate?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
I've had a chance to speak of it about what it's like to be a living benevolent donor, but I just feel like that story is just, just not totally complete. And that may be something I have to hang on with for the rest of my life.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
Yes, and I think to your point, mowing the lawn or something, and again, it's one of the reasons to be benevolent. And the hospital has a program where you can initiate contact afterwards. So if I wanted to initiate, I could. Why haven't you? I don't feel right about that. I guess there's a feeling that I'm not looking for credit. But you are. I'm looking, I think, for closure.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
Well, I wouldn't say it's the recognition per se. What I want to see is what good came from the donation. Let me tell you, here's the good that came from that donation.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
Yeah, and I would say it's the end result, even if for me it's anonymized. So my day-to-day work, I'm a police officer, and so I share that because as cops, we tend to be very evidence-based, right? We look at whatever the circumstance, we distill it down to those facts that we can articulate and very outcome-based. And so I think it's, for me, not...
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
being able to see the kind of the manifestation of this kidney that I donated and how it improved the circumstance. Again, even if it's anonymized, it just feels incomplete. And to your point, which is so value is, how do I work through that knowing that this may be as complete a story as I'll get?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
How do you work through the fact that I may never read the last pages of the book of my kidney donation?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
Yeah. And that's absolutely true. And my ideal outcome would be just sort of seeing the manifestation of the gift, not even credit. That's not at all what I'm looking for. Just looking to, as I look at colleagues who have not done the benevolent donation, and they can speak to, hey, here's how this changed our family. Allow this to travel us to do these things. And
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
Knowing that their gift had some purpose, and I think that's my concern, is the potential compromise of my future health, obviously from two kidneys to one. I look at these things and say, gosh, was it... At the end of the day, a decision I would absolutely remake, absolutely at peace with it, but not knowing, I guess, how it changed or what benefit it brought someone...
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
is the piece I'm struggling with. And I appreciate that this may be- You'll never get it. You'll never get it. I'll never get it. And so it's how do I work to reconcile that? And maybe it's just that reality of, it's just one of those things that won't get reconciled. It's the account that won't balance.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
Yeah, and I think I feel a measure of guilt for sort of having those feelings because we do the benevolent donation and I feel as if, You do this and I would absolutely do it again. And so there is that measure of guilt, wanting that, just a sentence of- Let me let you free from that guilt. Yeah. And I think that's the thing. It's feeling badly that they even- Be free from that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Son’s Girlfriend Is 2 Years Younger Than Me
They even want this closure.