Jeff Ross

It's never a good reason.

Do you think you could write a Hallmark movie?

Do you think you should?

That's the better question. Yeah, I think it would be a good use of my time. I really want you to write a Hallmark movie.

I think I'm very brave. Yes.

Wait, you're playing a rugged guy? You're playing the rugged archetype?

No, I'm not. Look. I think you're an academic. You're teaching at a university and you're like a frazzled professor. I think that's more your scene.

And you don't need CGI. Stop being mean to yourself.

I met him right before he blew up. I went and had ice cream with him. We went to ice cream after.

Yeah.

He was cool. I mean, he was like a young kid. I mean, you know, he was he was he at that point had already been an inner was interstellar. The one with Matthew McConaughey.

He was in that movie already. But he had a small part in it. And, you know, I think everyone was like, you're going to you're going to do great.

And I remember me by your name came.

I did. I was like, I don't know. Comedy seems like it would be a better fit for you than drama.

Yeah, I think we all do. I think all five of us have something.

I have a feeling that's not what it says.

I was like, did you really get coffee for that?

I have seen the real you.

Yeah, I have. It's coming out in a tell-all. You already wrote it. The real Conan O'Brien.

Yeah, I did. That's right, I did.

I think I started writing it thinking it would be a takedown of you, but it was really just an indictment on me and how bad I was as your assistant. But being your assistant, I will say there's a difference you can see between people who will dismiss you and people who actually talk to you. I got that a lot. And it makes a really big difference. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like assistants like people can sometimes just be very rude to assistants because they're trying to get to you. And there's a lot of people who I had a really actually talk to you.

Yes, he is a delivery boy.

I know. You really messed it up.

I don't want to.

I don't care enough.

You had it and you were just like, put it back?

Here's the thing.

I said, you make it about you?

This is a staff review? Yeah.

But please, let's talk more about your progressive lenses.

You thought it was a secret because everybody knew you were there.

I know something in a stadium full of people.

Staff review, staff review. I like the idea of no glasses.

I have a few notes. No, we can feed you a few notes. You don't have notes?

Hello.

It has to be liberal arts. It has to be. No, it doesn't have to.

This is your archetype. You're a sensitive man.

I've seen, you guys think this is a game for me. This is real life.

No, she wants to go teach at a big city like Ivy League University. And you're like, this is my home. This is where I love teaching.

Then you're like, okay, I need to go find myself. So you go on this white water rafting trip, which is so outside of your comfort zone.

But that's OK. OK.

You're still doing it.

But what's the conflict?

Okay.

You haven't even done second base?

Rapid Love. Rapid Love.

I know. I know. That's why I ask myself every single day, why do I even do this?

They were all actors. It's fake. It's fake. The whole thing is fake.

We all believed it, though. You should hear it.

If he responds and he's like, who is this?

No. It's not. He has another person. She calls the guy or girl and she'll be like, hey, you've been selected to send a free bouquet of roses to anybody you want. Who do you want to send them to?