Jeff

But also, I couldn't fully take in, even though I knew what was happening. And the morning after his birthday, the morning of the 12th, that's when he woke me up real early before the sun was up. And he said, I'm I'm done. That night, I was in the bed with him, and he said, are you okay? I said, yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay? He said, yeah. And I said, I love you. He said, love you too.

And then he went to sleep. And I went to sleep. And when I woke up in the morning, he was breathing very shallowly. And I put my head on his chest and listening for his heart and just stayed there in bed with him for a few hours. And I don't even know exactly when he passed. The death doula came in at some point and told me that he was gone.

And then he went to sleep. And I went to sleep. And when I woke up in the morning, he was breathing very shallowly. And I put my head on his chest and listening for his heart and just stayed there in bed with him for a few hours. And I don't even know exactly when he passed. The death doula came in at some point and told me that he was gone.

I still had my head on his chest and I said, no, I still hear his heart. I still hear his heart beating. And she said, I think that's your own heart.

I still had my head on his chest and I said, no, I still hear his heart. I still hear his heart beating. And she said, I think that's your own heart.

very fresh and so I appreciate it's very difficult to talk about this kind of stuff almost immediately after so I appreciate you going there thank you I'm happy to talk about it I love to talk about Jeff but yeah it is very very soon I mean even walking here and it's such a nice day today and my first thought when I walk outside and it feels like summer is oh no it's summer and Jeff's not here and that means it's going to be a year soon and

very fresh and so I appreciate it's very difficult to talk about this kind of stuff almost immediately after so I appreciate you going there thank you I'm happy to talk about it I love to talk about Jeff but yeah it is very very soon I mean even walking here and it's such a nice day today and my first thought when I walk outside and it feels like summer is oh no it's summer and Jeff's not here and that means it's going to be a year soon and

Just the passage of time has been so difficult in that, like, it feels like it's shrinking the time that we had together. As my life goes on, that piece of my life that had Jeff in it is becoming smaller and smaller. And I hate that so much.

Just the passage of time has been so difficult in that, like, it feels like it's shrinking the time that we had together. As my life goes on, that piece of my life that had Jeff in it is becoming smaller and smaller. And I hate that so much.

We were both so stubborn, I think. I also wonder if we were meant to be romantic partners. Hmm. I think maybe we weren't. Maybe we really were just such good friends and soulmates. And having sex at the end of his life was a way of being as close to each other as we could possibly be. And that was the arc of our friendships. We'd always, both of us, wondered. We had.

We were both so stubborn, I think. I also wonder if we were meant to be romantic partners. Hmm. I think maybe we weren't. Maybe we really were just such good friends and soulmates. And having sex at the end of his life was a way of being as close to each other as we could possibly be. And that was the arc of our friendships. We'd always, both of us, wondered. We had.

Maybe not always at the same time. We had both thought about it a lot. And if he had died before we got to, that'd be all. That would be bad. And that's what Jeff said to me when I said we were kissing in his kitchen on that last morning. And I was crying and I said, we could have been doing this the whole time. I'm such an asshole. Why am I so stupid?

Maybe not always at the same time. We had both thought about it a lot. And if he had died before we got to, that'd be all. That would be bad. And that's what Jeff said to me when I said we were kissing in his kitchen on that last morning. And I was crying and I said, we could have been doing this the whole time. I'm such an asshole. Why am I so stupid?

I didn't know that we're supposed to be together. And he said, I think things happen the way that they're meant to. Oh, Jeff. And I think he was right.

I didn't know that we're supposed to be together. And he said, I think things happen the way that they're meant to. Oh, Jeff. And I think he was right.

Thank you so much for having me.

Thank you so much for having me.

It's a puzzle.

It's a puzzle.

It's a puzzle.