Jeff

How was it different than any sex you'd had before? I didn't feel self-conscious. I didn't feel worried. I didn't feel like I had to be somebody else or, you know, be cute for him or be anything other than who I was. We just wanted to be close. It was truly like we had been apart for so long. Yeah. And we loved each other so much. And I was so worried and he was so scared. And...

Having sex with him that night was just like, we wanted to get as close as we could to each other and finally know each other as well as we could.

Having sex with him that night was just like, we wanted to get as close as we could to each other and finally know each other as well as we could.

We already knew and loved each other so much. It was sort of like our bodies were just catching up to where we already had been emotionally. But like physically, maybe there were things that he had talked about that I was like, oh, I see now. Things, skills he had talked about having.

We already knew and loved each other so much. It was sort of like our bodies were just catching up to where we already had been emotionally. But like physically, maybe there were things that he had talked about that I was like, oh, I see now. Things, skills he had talked about having.

I mean...

I mean...

His stamina was probably not as great. Did he talk about it? Did he say like, did he apologize? He said the next day, he said, I wish we had done this before I got sick because then you would have really seen what I can do. And it was when we got back home, he wasn't well enough.

His stamina was probably not as great. Did he talk about it? Did he say like, did he apologize? He said the next day, he said, I wish we had done this before I got sick because then you would have really seen what I can do. And it was when we got back home, he wasn't well enough.

Yeah, I think so. I mean, we didn't officially say, but yeah. So we flew back to New York. We got home in the middle of the night drunk. And then I went and spent the afternoon with him. I picked up some groceries for him. He seemed all right. So I went home and texted with him. And at that point, he said, you know, you can come over anytime.

Yeah, I think so. I mean, we didn't officially say, but yeah. So we flew back to New York. We got home in the middle of the night drunk. And then I went and spent the afternoon with him. I picked up some groceries for him. He seemed all right. So I went home and texted with him. And at that point, he said, you know, you can come over anytime.

And I wish that I had, but I really wanted to think that he was going to be okay and I would go over in the morning. And then... I didn't sleep with my phone next to me. I should have. I had missed text from him at 3 a.m., 5 a.m. He said, are you up? Hey, are you awake? And then at 7, he said, whenever you get this, my neighbor's taking me to the emergency room.

And I wish that I had, but I really wanted to think that he was going to be okay and I would go over in the morning. And then... I didn't sleep with my phone next to me. I should have. I had missed text from him at 3 a.m., 5 a.m. He said, are you up? Hey, are you awake? And then at 7, he said, whenever you get this, my neighbor's taking me to the emergency room.

And then I went to the emergency room that morning. How did he look? He looked the same. Tired, thin, having trouble breathing, still smiling. We were still joking around, clowning. I was getting in the bed with him and snuggling up and we're joking around. But Jeff knew. I think he knew what was going on in his body. And he told me, I don't want to fight this. How did it feel to hear that?

And then I went to the emergency room that morning. How did he look? He looked the same. Tired, thin, having trouble breathing, still smiling. We were still joking around, clowning. I was getting in the bed with him and snuggling up and we're joking around. But Jeff knew. I think he knew what was going on in his body. And he told me, I don't want to fight this. How did it feel to hear that?

I wasn't surprised at all. I knew that he was done. I said, all right, I think... I said, I think we need a death doula. So I called up an acquaintance who I knew had just become a death doula. And then... They let him go the night before his birthday. Wow. How old was he turning? He was turning 59. And normally there's a lot of red tape to get checked out of the hospital.

I wasn't surprised at all. I knew that he was done. I said, all right, I think... I said, I think we need a death doula. So I called up an acquaintance who I knew had just become a death doula. And then... They let him go the night before his birthday. Wow. How old was he turning? He was turning 59. And normally there's a lot of red tape to get checked out of the hospital.

And they said, we know it's your birthday tomorrow. So we're going to push this through even though it's kind of late at night. Got home. And it was his birthday the next day. So his neighbor got him a cake. My daughter went and got balloons. We texted just a few people. It was a very sweet day, really. Sounds really beautiful. We tied the balloons to the oxygen tank.

And they said, we know it's your birthday tomorrow. So we're going to push this through even though it's kind of late at night. Got home. And it was his birthday the next day. So his neighbor got him a cake. My daughter went and got balloons. We texted just a few people. It was a very sweet day, really. Sounds really beautiful. We tied the balloons to the oxygen tank.

But also, I couldn't fully take in, even though I knew what was happening. And the morning after his birthday, the morning of the 12th, that's when he woke me up real early before the sun was up. And he said, I'm I'm done. That night, I was in the bed with him, and he said, are you okay? I said, yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay? He said, yeah. And I said, I love you. He said, love you too.