Jefferson Fisher

Officially, yeah, you officially hate me, whatever that is. So even if you're in the same room, you're texting, you say, we need to talk, period. It automatically goes, somebody's dead, or I'm... I might as well be. It's going to be me here in a little bit. What happened? And you're always looking for the worst thing. There is a sense of tension when you use the phrase need to.

It's like you need to go sit down. You need to go do X, Y, and Z. And all we do is get defensive. Well, what you need to do is. And so we want to match that behavior. And I feel like it's a way of asserting dominance sometimes. It's like you need to go sit down. You need to go watch your mouth.

It's like you need to go sit down. You need to go do X, Y, and Z. And all we do is get defensive. Well, what you need to do is. And so we want to match that behavior. And I feel like it's a way of asserting dominance sometimes. It's like you need to go sit down. You need to go watch your mouth.

It's like you need to go sit down. You need to go do X, Y, and Z. And all we do is get defensive. Well, what you need to do is. And so we want to match that behavior. And I feel like it's a way of asserting dominance sometimes. It's like you need to go sit down. You need to go watch your mouth.

And so anytime you get that, you want to make sure you don't lead with any kind of phrase that says we need to or I need to talk to you. It's going to immediately draw the spikes. Instead, you need to begin with can we. Can we talk about something that's important to me? That's an invitation. Now we say the rules apply to both of us. When you say can we.

And so anytime you get that, you want to make sure you don't lead with any kind of phrase that says we need to or I need to talk to you. It's going to immediately draw the spikes. Instead, you need to begin with can we. Can we talk about something that's important to me? That's an invitation. Now we say the rules apply to both of us. When you say can we.

And so anytime you get that, you want to make sure you don't lead with any kind of phrase that says we need to or I need to talk to you. It's going to immediately draw the spikes. Instead, you need to begin with can we. Can we talk about something that's important to me? That's an invitation. Now we say the rules apply to both of us. When you say can we.

So if it is, let's say for this particular caller, can we talk about something that's important to me? That's number one. Number two, you need to tell them where that conversation is going. I feel like particularly with males, like we just look for, is there a bear in the bush? Like what's going on? I need to know where is this conversation going?

So if it is, let's say for this particular caller, can we talk about something that's important to me? That's number one. Number two, you need to tell them where that conversation is going. I feel like particularly with males, like we just look for, is there a bear in the bush? Like what's going on? I need to know where is this conversation going?

So if it is, let's say for this particular caller, can we talk about something that's important to me? That's number one. Number two, you need to tell them where that conversation is going. I feel like particularly with males, like we just look for, is there a bear in the bush? Like what's going on? I need to know where is this conversation going?

Because if I don't, we're going to cut in, try to fix it, try to solve it, try and like, oh no, this is what you mean. and this spouse says, no, no, no, no, that's not my point. Hear me out. Wait, wait, wait. And we get impatient. Like, can you just get to your point?

Because if I don't, we're going to cut in, try to fix it, try to solve it, try and like, oh no, this is what you mean. and this spouse says, no, no, no, no, that's not my point. Hear me out. Wait, wait, wait. And we get impatient. Like, can you just get to your point?

Because if I don't, we're going to cut in, try to fix it, try to solve it, try and like, oh no, this is what you mean. and this spouse says, no, no, no, no, that's not my point. Hear me out. Wait, wait, wait. And we get impatient. Like, can you just get to your point?

Instead, it needs to be, and I'm telling you this because I'm feeling unheard here, or I want to walk away from this conversation feeling more understood. Like, you just need to give them a heads up of where that conversation is going. Because too often, we don't know what we're talking about until we're already there.

Instead, it needs to be, and I'm telling you this because I'm feeling unheard here, or I want to walk away from this conversation feeling more understood. Like, you just need to give them a heads up of where that conversation is going. Because too often, we don't know what we're talking about until we're already there.

Instead, it needs to be, and I'm telling you this because I'm feeling unheard here, or I want to walk away from this conversation feeling more understood. Like, you just need to give them a heads up of where that conversation is going. Because too often, we don't know what we're talking about until we're already there.

Exactly. Yeah, you don't know what to say until you're already talking. And that's when you go to, no, no, give me a second. I'm still figuring it out. You know, no, no, that's not my point. So anytime you're trying to land the plane, it's like you're just trying to find the runway when that happens. It typically is going to make the conversation go south.

Exactly. Yeah, you don't know what to say until you're already talking. And that's when you go to, no, no, give me a second. I'm still figuring it out. You know, no, no, that's not my point. So anytime you're trying to land the plane, it's like you're just trying to find the runway when that happens. It typically is going to make the conversation go south.

Exactly. Yeah, you don't know what to say until you're already talking. And that's when you go to, no, no, give me a second. I'm still figuring it out. You know, no, no, that's not my point. So anytime you're trying to land the plane, it's like you're just trying to find the runway when that happens. It typically is going to make the conversation go south.

And then three is you need to try and get their buy-in into it. So it would be, can we talk about something that has been weighing on my heart here for a while? And I'm not asking you to solve anything. I just need you to hear me out. Can we do that? Is that sound okay? Is now a good time?