Jefferson Fisher

What happens?

It's seeing that your life isn't going to fall apart.

Now, if I come into the conversation and I am not trying to sugarcoat it, and if I'm not trying to make it to where...

I'm only saying things to placate you, to make you feel good and not being genuine.

I've already set up the conversation and I've set up the relationship on fake.

I'm just giving you a mask.

I'm giving you a character of what I can tell is going to appease you.

I'm going to be the hero.

I'm going to be the fixer.

I'm going to be the happy one.

I'm going to be the one who's always bubbly and can never be sad.

And you give them a character when you choose not to be authentic in the conversation.

So the thought of, if I do this, I'm going to push them away.

And if you do, what happens?

That's really what the fear is.

Am I enough by myself?

That's the underlying fear.

And when you realize I can be enough without them, all those fears go away.

The one that I make too is you think that what is said is exactly what's heard, especially in relationships.

How many times in a relationship have they kind of repeated back what you said?