Jefferson Fisher

So good.

That's the mistake I've made multiple times.

I try and solve big problems with 10.

It's a mistake we make every day.

This is, I think, one of the great myths we're sold when we get into our first relationship is we think that the sign of a good relationship is a lack of conflict.

But if you've ever been in a long relationship, I think over time you start to figure that it's not the amount of conflict.

It's like...

It's how one manages the conflict.

I read a quote, which I've never forgotten, which said, you can predict the long-term health of a relationship by whether each cut heals to 101% or 99%, i.e.

does your conflict make you stronger?

Yeah.

And if I look back through the conflict that I've had with my partner that I've been with a long time now, I go, it has actually deepened the roots.

Yeah, it has to.

Like it's been productive conflict, you know, which has made us stronger.

And that in part is because of many of the things that you talk about, which is like trying not to win every argument.

Right.

And all the things in your book.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm going to call it TM.