Jefferson Fisher

And

The things I'm going to say and the things that are coming to mind for me are things that I want to send to you in the warmest, most genuine way that I, that I know how, right.

The first is gonna be some tough love by me.

And that is you can't keep offering the credit cards and cards.

That would be to enable that kind of behavior.

And of course, she's shown herself not to be trustworthy of that.

That's not your fault.

What I'm saying is we're gonna have to do some practical things.

And that means some things are gonna have to be

limited until that trust is formed again, because right now that trust is having a hard time.

Two, when you have these conversations with your daughter, and these are conversations you're going to need to have, I need you to approach these not in the aspect of

coming down on her, that she's done something wrong because it's not about the money, right?

It's not about their credit card.

It's that she did it knowing it would cause pain and it would inflict pain onto you.

And any loss, it's this thing I heard once.

You know, I sat beside my good friend Anger

and it turned to me and said my name's not anger it's grief what your daughter is feeling is the same thing you're feeling probably on a different scale because grief is not linear but she's feeling a lot of grief and what she's doing is using grief as a way to mask and blame and cause even more hurt because sometimes

causing others pain is at least somehow a little bit more of an outlet and escape from feeling your own pain.

And that's not fair and it's not right.

So how do we, how do we handle that?