Jennifer Breheny Wallace

It was never the job promotion or the award at work or the toast at a milestone birthday.

We as humans crave to matter in the everyday, in the mundane of life.

So it's having a neighbor come over with a pot of soup when we are sick.

It is having a colleague check in after a particularly rough week at work.

We crave to matter in the everydayness of life.

Feeling appreciated is, in my mind, it's appreciating the doer behind the deed.

So not just thanks for this action that you did, but because of you, what it is about you that I appreciate that led to this.

Feeling invested in is knowing there are people in this life who are invested in our goals and well-being and that we have people too that we're invested in.

And then depended on is knowing we're relied on.

and that people rely on us.

It's what gives us that psychological safety that we are not going through this world alone.

Yes.

Yes, we are wired by evolution to want to be pro-social.

I mean, there's been this myth that took hold that we are hyper-selfish as human beings, but the whole reason we evolved is because we mattered.

to the people in our group.

We felt valued by them and we added value to them.

And so we have evolved with this motivation to matter.

And researchers who study it say that after food and shelter, it is this need to matter that drives our behavior for better or for worse.

I'm so glad you asked that.

So mattering is the story we tell ourselves about our place in the world.