Jennifer Breheny Wallace

So you are absolutely right.

Mattering starts from within.

My first book, Never Enough, really unpacked achievement culture, why it's reached such a boiling point today.

And what I found in the young people that I interviewed was that the kids who were really struggling the most today in our society

feel like their mattering is contingent on how they look, on how they perform, the brand name college they go to.

And I've been touring with this book, Never Enough and Mattering Now.

And I've spoken with hundreds of parents who have described feeling caught up in this achievement culture themselves.

They've internalized what the Dutch theologian Henry Nouwen describes as the three great lies of our society.

I am what I have.

I am what I do.

I am what people say and think of me.

That is how we build a very, very fragile sense of self that can come crumbling down when

Our image takes a hit when we fail, when we have setbacks, which are inevitable in life.

And I just want to be clear that I'm not saying don't go for achievement and success.

I am a high achiever.

I enjoy it.

It fills me up.

I love it.

But my worth is not tied to my achievements.

And what I actually found in studying healthy strivers across the age groups is that they had this deep sense of mattering that allowed them to reach for high goals because they knew that their worth was never in question.