Jennifer Kohnhorst

I'd walked in foreign countries with my body.

I had had really exceptional sexual experiences with my body.

And I had gotten a lot of pleasure from my body.

I had also treated my body not with the most respect.

I had really pushed the envelope in drug and alcohol abuse.

I smoke cigarettes, I don't exercise, and in return, my body continues to perform with some regularity.

And that's pretty amazing to me.

And in return for that kindness, I hate my body.

I just loathe it.

And I loathe it because the way that I feel on the inside is such a vast difference from the way I look on the outside, and I don't know how to bridge that difference.

And so I sit, and with every breath, I just try to release this feeling.

And I get up, and I walk out to the deck area.

And it's like 40 degrees.

It's December.

So I'm hot, and the steam rising off my body, which is cool.

And the wind is blowing, and blowing through my pubic hair, which is a thing.

Really, it happens.

And I'm like out there naked in the world, in nature.

And I have this thought.

It's like, I don't have a body.