Jennifer Selby Long

Yes, absolutely. And people have asked me, why is it so hard to make this judge go away? And I say, we don't necessarily want to make the judge entirely go away. That's almost impossible. It's a neural network that's in there. But boy, can we weaken that judge. And the reason I say we don't necessarily want the judge to completely go away because that negative feeling, it's like a warning sign.

Yes, absolutely. And people have asked me, why is it so hard to make this judge go away? And I say, we don't necessarily want to make the judge entirely go away. That's almost impossible. It's a neural network that's in there. But boy, can we weaken that judge. And the reason I say we don't necessarily want the judge to completely go away because that negative feeling, it's like a warning sign.

It's just a little warning sign that there's something you need to attend to. But it's like a hand on a hot stove. You want to feel it. You want to feel the pain. You want to feel that negative emotion of the pain so that you recognize there's something you need to attend to. But as soon as you feel it,

It's just a little warning sign that there's something you need to attend to. But it's like a hand on a hot stove. You want to feel it. You want to feel the pain. You want to feel that negative emotion of the pain so that you recognize there's something you need to attend to. But as soon as you feel it,

It's important to just call out, oh, that's my judge versus I can't believe I made that mistake. Oh, stupid. What am I going to learn? It is, by the way, it is no better to be a judge of yourself and not of others than to be a judge of others and not yourself. It's all the judge. It's all negative, right? It all is contagious. The judge energy is contagious to others.

It's important to just call out, oh, that's my judge versus I can't believe I made that mistake. Oh, stupid. What am I going to learn? It is, by the way, it is no better to be a judge of yourself and not of others than to be a judge of others and not yourself. It's all the judge. It's all negative, right? It all is contagious. The judge energy is contagious to others.

no matter which direction it's headed. And so it's so vital to call out and recognize, oh, that's my judge versus it's me. There's something wrong with me. That's my judge. And then you can weaken that judge in so many different ways. One is to gently make a little fun, like you would with a little kid. Oh, I see you. I caught you, right? I found you, hide and seek.

no matter which direction it's headed. And so it's so vital to call out and recognize, oh, that's my judge versus it's me. There's something wrong with me. That's my judge. And then you can weaken that judge in so many different ways. One is to gently make a little fun, like you would with a little kid. Oh, I see you. I caught you, right? I found you, hide and seek.

You can be dismissive of your judge and go, oh, judge, you're so late to the party. I can't believe you didn't bring me down earlier. You can do all kinds of things, but the most important thing is call out that judge. You can just respectfully say, hey, judge, thanks. I don't really need that help. I got this, right? So literally it is having these conversations with yourself.

You can be dismissive of your judge and go, oh, judge, you're so late to the party. I can't believe you didn't bring me down earlier. You can do all kinds of things, but the most important thing is call out that judge. You can just respectfully say, hey, judge, thanks. I don't really need that help. I got this, right? So literally it is having these conversations with yourself.

Because one of the things that the judge does is the judge also calls up what's called an accomplice saboteur. It's another saboteur or two or sometimes three that have taken root in the fertile soil of your brain and wrapped themselves around whatever your gifts are. I had a client who went into his first CISO role ever. A number of my clients are in their first C-suite role ever.

Because one of the things that the judge does is the judge also calls up what's called an accomplice saboteur. It's another saboteur or two or sometimes three that have taken root in the fertile soil of your brain and wrapped themselves around whatever your gifts are. I had a client who went into his first CISO role ever. A number of my clients are in their first C-suite role ever.

That in and of itself is a huge personal change to manage. And then they're having the surprise of what they learn as they're in that role. And in this case, this client had gone from a highly regulated industry to a fairly regulated industry, which is a whole different ball of wax. And then Vince, as if that weren't enough,

That in and of itself is a huge personal change to manage. And then they're having the surprise of what they learn as they're in that role. And in this case, this client had gone from a highly regulated industry to a fairly regulated industry, which is a whole different ball of wax. And then Vince, as if that weren't enough,

He discovered that his organization, which he inherited, which had a 44, 0% attrition rate and had many people who were actually too junior for the roles that they had. There was also, they were swept up in a company wide quote unquote optimization effort, which is to say cost cutting headcount reduction. He actually needed to replace people.

He discovered that his organization, which he inherited, which had a 44, 0% attrition rate and had many people who were actually too junior for the roles that they had. There was also, they were swept up in a company wide quote unquote optimization effort, which is to say cost cutting headcount reduction. He actually needed to replace people.

He needed to spend more because he needed to hire more senior people to manage them. And there was this huge pressure on him, which was particularly being driven by a guy who was a peer of his, who had his boss's ear and who drove him nuts, which is to say he tried. triggered my client's saboteurs.

He needed to spend more because he needed to hire more senior people to manage them. And there was this huge pressure on him, which was particularly being driven by a guy who was a peer of his, who had his boss's ear and who drove him nuts, which is to say he tried. triggered my client's saboteurs.

So we spent the first three months of our coaching completely focused on recognizing the saboteurs and weakening them. Because one of the things his accomplice saboteur, a hyperachiever, was telling him was pretty much, I have to win. And the only way I can win at this change is if this guy loses because this guy is my enemy. What was that going to do?

So we spent the first three months of our coaching completely focused on recognizing the saboteurs and weakening them. Because one of the things his accomplice saboteur, a hyperachiever, was telling him was pretty much, I have to win. And the only way I can win at this change is if this guy loses because this guy is my enemy. What was that going to do?