Jerry

And I mean, as a partner, you certainly want to share your thought, but you certainly can't hold them hostage if they don't listen to your advice.

Okay. Let's go on to the next number three.

Yeah. Leave all the ick behind. Yeah. Don't bring the ick with you.

No. So my new year's resolution is go on, go forward, and get rid of the ick.

Well, it sounds like you really do want to take a time out away from this and let him figure it out. And you definitely want to have support because if you're going to be single, you want to be backed by your parents. That's what I'm reading.

Oh, you were holding back.

I don't understand why.

I think it's time you go home. I don't even think this is a question. He definitely has got some issues going on in his head. And his priority right now is not his relationship with you. And so I think just for your own dignity and self-respect, go be your own person. Yeah. And let him figure out what it is where you're not around. And either he straightens himself out

No ick.

gets help, comes back, and is able to make it work with you, or he doesn't. And either way, you win. You're not going to win sticking in the situation the way it is and enabling the behavior and saying it's okay to flirt because all that does is when you fight, even though you haven't left, you're still telling him it's okay.

You're not helping him.

This is, this is, this needs to, you need to go be away from it and, and on your own. I mean, and I'm saying, even if you're going home to your parents and you're living in that environment, you're still away from this and you will be healthier. Got to get healthy. Yourself, you got to get healthy. Healthy does not stand for this.

Number one.

What do we got?

Don't make excuses.

Morgan, she knows the answer. That's why she wrote this. You already know the answer. You know what to do. You don't even have to ask us.

It is. You know, it's very hard. This is the most important thing that you can do right now. This is your only option.

Go home and let them wake up. You deserve better. If it wakes up and he's able to come back and be the man that you really want, great. And if he can't, then it's easy. You're already home. Go move on. You guys say we're done.

Time to move on.

And fuel costs. And wear and tear in your car. And tires.

And is that an important thing?

I think so. I think you should really sit down with them and say, this is where I work. I think that with all this which is going on, I think it is time that I move out. and I hope I can have it with your support and your blessing.

I know that there are things I do around this place, but living that I'm going to be an hour away, obviously things are going to have to change, and you guys are going to have to figure out how to take your children, your children, to school, how you're going to pick up your children. Because I'm now... I'm working. I have a job. I have my own responsibilities. And I think that's what you do.

I think it's the healthiest thing to take that, that, that leap and go start living on your own and get a roommate or whatever it might be in that part of town and give it a shot.

There are cars out there.

They're bought and sold every day.

Yeah, he's control and manipulative.

Their children.

I'm always, I'm so glad I was able to help with the house and the family with your children. But my siblings, your children, it's a different responsibility level.

Where mom wasn't around.

And you calling me saying, call me in sick.

That's it.

We're here.

I love that.

Yeah, let's go back to him. I like him.

Counseling.

I really do think that though, some counseling right now for yourself because of the other experiences that you had and share that with, with someone that could, you know, give you some good insights and help you with that. Wouldn't be bad. It wouldn't, it certainly wouldn't hurt you.

It would only help and try to give you a little better security, sense of security with the relationship on how you're picking this person versus the other people that you picked. I would read the comments also that people are going to kick in on this one.

Yeah, I think so.

Well, I think that's it for our show, Miss Morgan.

You got number six?

Whoa, guys. Wow. She's got number six. Let's stop me in the track.

Bring it on down. Number six.

That's what I said.

Is it Duluth, Minnesota?

Trying to understand how come she doesn't want, why she's not invited to any of her siblings.

You guys like my socks?

Grandpa.

Somebody warmed it up.

I thought that actually she had developed some major fever somehow that got her warm, but-

So the fire was never illuminated.

Okay. Number seven. It is the last one of the year.

Okay.

And we never get number sevens.

All right.

Let her rip.

You wrote yourself off.

They wrote themselves out. They disconnected. They pulled the plug. They're done. You owe them nothing.

Say it with me. Bye.

Bye.

There you go. Bye. New Year's resolution. We're rolling up. We're going forward. Getting rid of all the negativity. What are we getting rid of? The yuck.

Bye ick.

I'm done with this one. These guys are bad news. Yuck.

Well, we also don't, one thing is we'll see what happens in 2025. If they try to reclaim themselves, that could, they could certainly become, they can, they can return to haunt the nest.

So you guys wrote yourself off. I wasn't going to interrupt your decision. I was respecting you.

End of story.

This isn't worth it. It's already closed. It's closed.

I got rid of the ick. They're gone.

Don't have to worry.

I've already forgotten them.

I am.

All good new stuff, positive stuff. Get rid of the ick.

Goodbye, ick.

You got it.

Goodbye, ick.

So out of the five siblings, there are really not going to be options for her. She feels more uncomfortable going there.

There you go.

This is it. Hi, everyone. Check out the new set. So apparently she took my propeller. She hung it on the wall. I can't do the thing.

Yeah, and bring gifts for the niece and nephews.

I mean, it's connecting and being with family.

Yeah, I'm just trying to understand this.

It has been.

And I imagine she doesn't have any friends because she's not mentioned any friends even to go over.

It's Christmas. I cannot imagine if you have anyone that's special in your life or friend that would say not to come over if you said, gee, can I join you for Christmas? I have nowhere to go. That they would say, my God, it's Christmas. Of course you want to.

I mean, I can't imagine anyone not saying that.

We had a lot of fun. It's been fun. We, we really thank all of you for coming to the shows and the ones that, uh, only listened to dad on podcasts that you recognize my voice. That was really kind of a mind blow for me. And I enjoyed that. And I love meeting everybody and the ones of you that recognize me because you do watch the YouTube. Thank you again for saying hi. It was wonderful.

I mean. I mean, my God, go to Christmas church. They're going to have a whole service. They're going to be people with fellowship. There's going to be cookies and stuff afterwards. I cannot imagine not to go start something where you're going to find community.

I mean, there's going to be some amazing stuff out there. I just can't imagine there's not.

Go join a group of people that are going out doing caroling.

It could be a lot of fun. Even if you can't sing, go do it.

Hospitals are big. But they might do a lot of vetting. So you have to probably go early and look into it.

Go to Google. I'm saying Google will have it.

I agree. Okay. So that was a great one.

Let's go to number two.

You guys warned my heart this year and I thank you all for being a part of the family.

That's all you can do.

And the only thing that I would tell your husband, because I was that uncle as well,

I had a 12-year-old son.

No.

Well, that's not what I did. I mean, what I really would do to Taylor to control Taylor or Jonathan is I would grab their ear.

What's FAFO?

Fuck around and find out.

There are certain maneuvers that you can do to someone's arm or finger or ear to control them without hurting them to be catastrophic. But to make them get the message, it's time to stop.

They've enabled the problem.

Well, that was my trick. My trick is there's certain little, there's certain little things that you can, can do that. You can say, this is, you got to chill it out a little bit and, You apply a little pressure and they stop very quickly. I mean, Taylor is 5'11". He's a tall kid. He's a tall kid. And let me tell you, I'm 5'5 now. He still eggs you on. And, but I could, I still control him.

I still do these a little bit. And it's not that he really couldn't kill me if he wanted to, but the thing is that, you know, he, you know, when, when you go to that, that, that little maneuver, he knows it. And he's like,

I think in any relationship... You have to support. Don't tell them what to do. You can certainly offer an opinion what your thought is, but you must say you must do what you feel you have to do and support whatever they're going to do and be there for them. You do. You have to do that. Because one of the reasons why you love them is because they have their own way of thinking.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Start your year and... Go for a living life.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Number one.

Right.

And they almost got married.

I would.

Stupidity.

There you go. Number five.

Okay. That's number five. Are we going to have a six?

You feel that way?

You're in my seat.

I agree.

We don't want to hurt anybody's feelings.

Okay.

Everyone, welcome back to FKS, Father Knows Something, with Justin tonight. Back in the new year of 2025, we have had rest. Well, I've had rest. I had a great Christmas season. You guys took off. You went to Minnesota.

Bullshit. That was not allowed in our home. We are a family. And that's just the way it is.

You can't control ex-wife. She's got her own alcohol problems, obviously. She's got other shit going on. And what will happen with the kids is the kids figure it out. You don't even have to point it out to them. They are much more aware than you will ever be. Now, you're an only child.

I do know that you have a person in your life who's like your sister, your cousin. Yes. And you guys have that real special connection. Now, you've came into our family and you see me with three kids. And I don't think you see us any different than full brother and sister, full kids. And that's just the way it is. And yeah, my kids have other biological parents.

And some of my kids have those relationships with them and some of them don't. But I never was the one to get involved and point things out and try to go overboard with them. I know that Matthew's father, I have zero relationship with. Morgan's dad, I have zero relationship with. And Taylor's dad, I have a relationship with. When we see each other, we respect each other as parents.

We don't try to compete. I know that he has his relationship. I respect their relationship. I've always been happy about the relationship and happy with my own relationship with my son. So it's not this tug of war, who's my son going to love more? It's simply be mature. Don't involve yourself in this race for space. It's just not worth it.

I find that it's a losing proposition for everybody when they get involved in these battles between these spouses. I have witnessed it with other relationships that I've had that, I mean, we didn't work out for whatever reasons. Then I watched them go on with their lives and they meet people with kids or they did this. and they've never had children before.

And they, you know, there's a lot of dynamic that could be negative and there could be battling because the mother on the other side, you know, behaves this way with the husband. And all of a sudden, you know, the new woman becomes the protector of the husband from the old woman, you know, let him protect himself. Don't, you try to put yourself in the middle of all that.

Sometimes it's just, there's no winner.

Yeah. He's going to have to deal with his own dynamic with his ex. And the more you stick yourself in the middle of all that, it gets like quicksand. It gets mucky. Yeah. It just pulls you down. Yeah. So I would stay far away from that behavior and, you know, let him battle it. He's the one that married her and he got a divorce.

And if you could at all just say, you know something, honey, I love you, but I'm going to stay out of that dynamic and you just deal with the way you can. it will probably be better for you and your relationship. Yeah. All right. Can we roll on to number three? Number three. Here we are. Number three.

No.

You know what the best thing about a ring is? What? The best thing about a ring and jewels, stones and gold or silver or platinum, the metal all melts. You can make that metal any shape you want. The stones all pop out. You can redefine how you want to use them and which ones you want to use any which way you can. Before or after you find the ring.

Because if he never finds the ring, is he going to wait till you're 96 years old before this ring that has somehow disappeared? Maybe it's on grandma's finger still. We don't know where it is. But if it does show up, we can always add or change or do something with your ring.

So you could say, you know, honey, I get the importance of grandma's ring, but it doesn't have to be in the configuration that grandma had it. We can take stones from that ring, add it into a different piece of jewel or a different piece of gold or silver or platinum, whatever it was made from. Or we can take that metal, if we find it, melt it down, and we can do something with it.

I'm not ever going to say we shouldn't have grandma's ring and material and stones, but we'll implement it into another piece of jewelry if we can't find it.

Or we can add a stone into this other piece. We'll leave a little pocket that we can literally lift one stone out and we can put something else in to tie it all together.

That's the compromise. We're not waiting to find grandma's ring. We can move on and go move right now and do something that we want to do. But if we find grandma's ring, we'll implement it. You don't have to worry, honey. I would love that. Yeah.

Just remember again, gold melts. And once you design your ring, they can take that gold and pour it into that wax. And you can have grandma's gold or grandma's silver or their part of it. And you can pull, if not all the stones, one stone or a certain part to tie it in. It's definitely an option. I have done this. And it has really worked well by just taking a stone.

I had a bracelet that was my dad's mom's and it had diamonds on it. And I took the diamonds out of her ring and I put it in there. Yeah. And it was nice that I had my grandmother's stones in this belt buckle diamond bracelet I used to have. I lost it. It was too bad because the sad part was I lost grandma's stones. Yeah, that's tough. That's why jewelry is tough.

I looked, the evening, the eve of New Year's, I looked down at my phone in the morning and I said... Where is Justin and Morgan spending their New Year's Eve? And I looked in Minneapolis, couldn't find him. Went up to Duluth, couldn't find him. Cause we have, you know, find my friend. And then all of a sudden I just decided to press on the, on the word Morgan.

You know, jewelry is tough, but you can always make it... Your piece, where part of it came from the roots, no different than part of him came from grandma.

Right. And I said that if you can't find the ring, go get a ring. And if you find it, we can add it to the other ring. We can make modifications later. That's what jewelers do.

Pull the trigger, go get that sucker in his pocket and let's make it happen.

And if it doesn't happen, then you can move on. If he really wants to marry you, he'll knock it out. Yeah. Go get it done. Yeah. Okay. We're going to move on. Number four. Number four. Let's go.

Well, I think you have to really decide if you want to really get healed first and then... see what happens going along. You may, maybe you take your, your, your child and you move and you can see if you can really go on with your life. And I mean, you're obviously in an environment in a town that's small enough that you guys keep circling back and circling back.

And if that's what you want to do and you want to have a life with this guy, but it sounds like there are things that disturb you that you don't. And, you know, you're together every two years. You guys kind of get back together. It sounds like he has a child. Next thing I know is he's, you guys, you know, he breaks up. I don't know if these are with different women, the same woman. No concept.

We don't know. But if you really want to be free and you don't want to keep having this thing bump you in front of you, then maybe you just need to move out of the area.

And go somewhere different and get a fresh start. I mean, you're young enough for a fresh start. Yeah. You're in a perfect place for it.

Yeah, but you're talking big fresh start. You're talking... Well, either way, if she's looking at a different person, it's a fresh start. Yeah, right.

I did. I mean, I had a thing with Morgan's mom. We kept going back in circles and- You know, couldn't break it. Couldn't break away the pattern. And I finally just said, you know, we're, we're not succeeding. We're crossing boundaries. And if I can't, if we can't live within our boundaries of going on with our lives, then I need to make a bigger boundary.

And I said, it's going to be an 1800 mile boundary.

Yep. Sounds like moving. If you can't do it while you're in the same town, you're going to have to pick it up and leave.

That's on you. That's on you. You have to be, in order for you to be successful in a relationship, you have to be good by yourself. Yeah.

You have to be solid. You have to be your own confidence. You can't have that insecurity. You can't be worried if you're going to have someone at home that night with you. You've got to be able to look the fact that that person makes life fun. But you can also have fun without them as well. You have other things going on. It's nice to have somebody to be a part of your life.

But most of my nights are by myself. And I'm totally fine with it. I find things to do. And if I find someone that means something, that wants to spend time with me and I want to spend time with them, all the better.

I mean, I broke up with Amy, you know, 11 months, you know, 10 months ago in that area. And for eight months, I didn't go out with anybody. I just stayed away and worked, worked on my work, worked on the, on the podcast with you guys. Yeah.

Did my own, you know, went home, cooked my own dinners, did everything, cleaned up my house.

You know, there were things that I just did that had involved nobody else until I knew that everything was really in the past for me.

So he's saying that she wants him to be 100% perfect. Well, I mean, he should be listening to our conversation because he himself should want to be 100% perfect. Strive to be. At least try. You know, I do know that there was a two and a half men episode where Charlie was certainly saying that, you know, he just, you know, doesn't pay attention.

that I wasn't just rebounding to put someone in my life just because I wanted someone in my life. That when I finally get someone in my life, they will be in my life because they are that special person.

Absolutely. And healthier.

Yeah.

No, I definitely, I will let you guys know that being healthy is the best way to go forward. It really is. Make yourself that you are comfortable within yourself, that you don't need anybody in your life. Doesn't mean you don't want someone to be a part of your life, but you don't have to have it to function.

And you will be stronger. You'll have a healthier relationship with the next person. Yeah. And they'll appreciate it. The next person will, because they're not going to have to deal with any of your muck. And that's the last thing you want someone to have to go deal with is muck. Get rid of all the muck. Then start. Yeah. Okay. We're going to move on to number five.

Grand finale. Grand finale.

Oh, wait a minute. Hold on, kids. For you that never saw the buckle up, that means that he's got a big story and we got to be, this is like going on a rocket launch or in a race car when the car leaves the pavement and it goes airborne that we.

Wow. I'm locked. You're not going anywhere. I'm not going over. Let's catch some air on this thing.

Okay.

And she was saying, Charlie, you don't pay attention. He goes, but I'm trying to pay attention. And, you know, she would be, you know, you know, describing this thing that she needs. And he was like speaking in a whole different language in his brain. And he was just totally, you know, disconnected.

Did he have a relationship with the little sister before he had a relationship with her?

And was he having this only fan relationship with the little sister before he dated her? Or is it why he's dating her? Because I'm uncertain about a lot of this stuff. Well, there's a lot of pieces missing.

It's all slime. And blackmailing him. Yeah, the whole thing is slime. I mean, bottom line is if I'm dating somebody and I'm in a relationship, she knows what I'm up to, period. If I'm into kink and I'm into looking at other naked women, I'm going to tell her point blank. I'm into other naked women, and if you're okay with that, great.

But otherwise, the guy's sliming behind the back, and he's not to be trusted. So I'm not into this whole relationship in the first place. I mean, I got issues all over the place. There's flags every which way. And the fact that you're writing us, your flags are waving tall.

So I think you should just trust your own judgment and go with your own feelings. This doesn't work for me. And get rid of all of them.

Or he, he bought into it. He's opening the shit. Right. He's looking, he didn't come to her and say, look, your little sister sending me this shit. Can you call her up and tell her to cut? I mean, I've tried to tell him to shut the fuck up. They're trying to blackmail me. Why don't you call him and say, don't try to blackmail, but quit sending him the shit. He's not interested. Right. Right.

I don't know if that's typical of guys. I, I certainly, I really do try to listen. I really do try to digest and be able to spit back what my partner wants. And, you know, my short-term memory is not as good as it used to be as we, as I'm aging. But, you know, maybe my And I can't tell you if I was perfect.

Right. That that's the common sense thing here. So the fact that he didn't go to her for the assist.

So I believe he is guilty. He is looking at the crap. Either way. And he's looking at other shit. Yeah. Go look at his credit card. You said that he pays for it? It's for pay?

Go look for the charges.

Apparently. Sounds that way to me. The whole thing sounds that the guy's guilty, period. I'm going to go back to our first, I'm going to go back to a conversation of years ago. It has nothing to do with this. It has to do with my brother-in-law who was a detective. Okay. He was a retired cop. He became a detective. People would come to him and say, follow my wife. Yes. Follow my husband.

And he says, no. And they go, what do you mean no? We want to pay you. And he goes, if you think they're doing it, they probably are. Don't give me your money. I'm not interested in it. So go back to your judgment. Go back to your radar. If your radar is telling you something's fucked up here, Go find someone that you're not going to have your radar triggering all over the place with this slime.

This whole conversation is nothing but dysfunction, every which way but loose. Unless you guys are all into that stuff and you say, right on board, I'd like to go check out your sister. I think it's the most twisted fucking thing that I'd ever heard. But if you guys are into it and everyone agrees to it. They're not, though. She's saying that's a big line, right? Right.

So my answer is get rid of it. Dump DDD. It's all bullshit.

The guy that you're with apparently was being blackmailed. He got himself in that blackmail situation somehow.

Well, he didn't come clean to you in the beginning. Right. There's the problem.

And that's a problem. I got a better question. Let's, let's, Are you okay, in your own mind, ask yourself this. I am okay that he is going to this site and he's checking out naked women for pay. I'm cool with it. If you are cool with it, hey, great. If you are not cool with that, then he's been doing it anyways. Dump the dude and go find yourself a guy that's not doing that shit.

How do I respond? No, how does she respond is what I'm saying. She responds by just saying, my sister is not acceptable. There's a boundary. We end it there. And if you want to go... I mean, I'm having a tough time just... on the whole fucking thing.

I do know that it is a stride that I try to do to be much better in the moment to listen to what my partner is saying, what they want.

Yeah, you're definitely. And it's holding me in. I mean, there are people out there. I mean, if you're okay with him looking at other women and doing all this shit, you're fine with it. Then he should be able to be open with you point blank with the whole thing. And if you want to go give it a shot under those rules, go knock yourself out. Give it the shot. End of story.

But, but I don't want to hear anything more about the sister. If you find it, then he's done.

Personally, I think that you can find people today that will be more attentive to want to give their love and lust to you than to images that are online and take good money that he could be buying you flowers and doing things for you and building your home and building your family than fucking wasting it doing this other crap. But that's up to you.

That's it. Now, I have another question for people to write in and let us know. Sure. Why you were gone. I said, you know, I'm going to be doing some traveling in the next few months. And do we want to do a Father Knows show or something with Father Knows for people that are out there? And you guys got back to me and you said, you know, maybe we just let them know that I'm going to be in a town.

And if anybody wants to stop in, we can meet somewhere and then you guys can have a personal visit. And I'll be there available to talk to you guys in person. Father Knows Meetup. Father knows meetup. So father's going to be going probably to the East coast, I believe either Connecticut and or New York.

And father is also going to be in Atlanta, Georgia.

So the question is if I'm just trying to get an idea, how many of you are out there would want to want to, you know, plan on coming down, hanging out one evening and So I have an idea of how big of a venue that I need to be at far as a bar or a restaurant or a place that we can actually meet and talk and get to know one another. Yeah. Okay. I'm not looking for cost.

And that's something that has to come from within him. So I would let them certainly know that this is a problem and it's frustrating and it might be a deal breaker for you. And I'm not threatening, but I'm letting you know that I find such frustration in it that if you can't really try to do better or make some notes, everyone carries these wonderful little phones.

We're not going to charge for this. We're just really want to see how many people are really going to be around. So I have an idea. Yeah. So those are the two cities be there in New York or just right outside Hartford, Connecticut. And or there'll be Atlanta, Georgia for sure. Okay. I know I'm going to be down in Atlanta. So let us know. And there you go.

So that's it for this night's show. We love you guys and we'll see you next week.

And they're quite interesting. And I know that when Morgan says, dad, can you pick this up? Can you do that? And I'll say, Morgan, text me. Because I know that I'm going to forget it. I know that as much as I heard her say she wants to have popcorn and she wants to have towels and she wants this and that. I know I'm going to get there.

You know, you shouldn't have to do that. I get that. But, you know, he's obviously is not paying attention. And this is an important thing for her. And maybe she needs to go. And maybe this is unfair to say, but in the stuff that is marked for other people, she should actually make a note. Dave, do not eat these. Yours is in the Ziploc bag. Yeah.

And it says they're in like fricking Amsterdam. It was like WTF. What are they doing there? Yeah. I hope everyone had a great New Year's. I know that some of our viewers were hitting me up and I was texting them rack and it was all kinds of fun. We had a week off. Yeah. A rare week off. And other than that, you want to kick it off? What's our theme tonight?

And then I finally learned, do not touch Morgan's shit.

And she's got to really decide this before she has that conversation. Is she willing to go part with this relationship, with this character flaw with this guy?

Because the problem probably is that he might fix it for the short term. But it's like a disease that will just keep coming back. It's not like you can inoculate the guy. It's part of his character. Or she's going to have to find a better way to communicate to make sure that this stuff doesn't happen. Yeah. Knowing what you're dealing with.

Maybe you are defining so many honey do's for him that he's starting to turn a deaf ear to it. And you might have to find a way and recognize what you're doing, how you're doing it, so he doesn't just tune you out. You don't want to be tuned out in a relationship. You want to be definitely part of their tune in.

Maybe it's when you approach him, rather than just say it in the kitchen calmly as a passing thing, he'll say, can we sit down a second? And when you sit down, you'll say, this is important to me. I made these, I have this for you. And that way that you actually were able to say, this is important to me. Yeah.

And then when he fails, you can say, why would you want to hurt me when I told you this is important to me? Yeah.

And I w I would definitely try that because they have a different response. I mean, I remember going to people, you know, friends shops and they would, I'd say, Hey, can I use your shop? Can I go do this? And the guy said, sure.

And I would go there and make a mess and I wouldn't, you know, I might clean it up a little bit, but I went to my friend Elliot's shop one time and I didn't clean it up the, apparently the way that he cleaned it. And he came to me and he says, Jerry, can I ask you a question? And I said, sure. And he goes, why do you want to hurt me? Really? No joke. And I said, I don't understand.

He says, well, you asked me if you can cut that stuff and use the saw and you did, but you left a mess. And then I had to go take my time. And I spent a half hour sweeping up and cleaning it all up. And I just want to know, why do you want to hurt me when I extend it to you? And I said, whoa.

It's 25 years later and it's still right on top of my brain when I think of Elliot.

And I never went in that shop again. It did not really immaculately clean it up. Even if it was messy before I got there.

That thing was spotless when I left. Yeah. So it's all the way you deliver the message sometimes that really makes that impact on that individual.

Let us know what you did and let us know how it worked.

And if anybody else has great suggestions for them, lay it out because everyone reads these things. That's right. Okay, we're going to move to number two. Number two.

Well, I've been in all these situations. Perfect. And I will tell you that your role is simply to be there for your lover, your boyfriend, no matter if he becomes a husband or not. And you're also there to be there as an adult or someone for that child. It doesn't mean you have to be, say, I'm your step-mommy.

Because the kids on their own find out what they're going to call you and what that relationship is. When I met Matthew, he was five. Morgan wasn't born yet. Morgan came three years later. And Morgan didn't come from me, as everyone knows. But that doesn't mean that if you're a new listener that you didn't know that. I was there for pregnancy. I was there after birth.

And then she said, what are you going to do if Morgan started calling you dad? And I said, I will be Morgan's dad as long as Morgan wants me as her dad. And I'm Matthew's male figure in whatever way he wants to have me fit into his life that way. I'm not pushing anything on him. And it was more difficult because he was already, you know, had a male figure in his life.

And that was in his mind, it was, you know, betraying the other male figure. So he didn't know how to digest it all.

Which means it took a lot of patience. But now you're an adult. You're in a relationship as an adult relationship with somebody. So you have to really be patient and realize that the kids are innocent. And the fact that if you guys get married or you have babies, it won't be as first, doesn't matter. Every child is individual. They're all different.

And you're going to have your own relationship with these kids as they get their own personality and they interact with you. The fact that you're there when he's two, you're perfect. There's no issue here. Yeah. Just be you. Be there. Be loving. Be supportive. Be engaged. And it's not about who can discipline the child. Some of these people get this thing. It's who disciplines the child.

It's really who engages with the child, who brings love and who brings understanding and shares and has fun with them. That's what being a parent is and teaching. It's all of the above, everything listed but not limited to what's listed. It could be every aspect.

When that child is sick and has a sniffle or doesn't feel well and she says, I don't feel well, and you're there to help make sure that there's chicken soup or you're making sure that she's warm or he's warm and you're making sure that there's things going on. That's being a parent. That's been an adult impact in all those children's lives, if it's the first one, the second one, the third one.

And biological connection is really not part of it. That's something that people put out. Everyone else puts on board. I never did. I have three children. They're all from different biological fathers and they're all my kids. And far as I'm concerned, they're not a half brother or a half sister. They are brother and sister in the story. I don't want to hear about half brother, half this or that.

Yes.

Absolutely.

Wir machen eine kulinarische Reise.

Problem gelöst.

Exactly.

Do you always have this weird... What's wrong with you?

Let's go. Here it is.

Yes.

Bye.

What's the theme tonight?

That's what I would do.

That's what I was getting. Yeah, liquid. I haven't heard liquid before.

Of course not.

Yeah.

Right.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Sure. Whatever your Ark is. Yeah, go for the Ark.

Next. Goodbye. Bye.

Yeah.

Go with your gut.

A quick story. I had a neighbor, a friend of mine, and he was seeing a woman. They kept breaking up. They kept getting back together. They finally got married, only to really break up permanently. It took the marriage to get the message across that this is not what they wanted. So it was two months after they got married that they finally divorced, and that was the real end of it.

Don't overthink it. It's like taking a test.

Don't push it until you have to get to that part.

I mean, if you see issues of disrespect right off the bat, just think higher of yourself to move on to that there's someone out there that's really going to respect you and really love you and never abuse you. This is abuse. It's clear and simple.

Okay.

Let's go. See how I did that?

Thank you.

Don't overthink it.

I had to delete all the pictures I was sending them from traders as I was going to bring them food.

It was appreciated. Let's kick it off. Hi, everybody, again. Welcome to the show.

The job that you have, you're getting great experience. And to say, get rid of that job rather than get some of the experience, it's an opportunity to get some experience because when you go to the next step, whatever that, even it's going to be a different level or a different area in life. that the experience you're gaining here is opportunity for you.

And when you move on to something else, I don't know if they'll necessarily be mad at you because you've gone somewhere or disappoint somebody. They're going to see that you've gone somewhere, that you're going to actually flourish, and they're going to be proud. They help lay the groundwork for you to grow. to go find that area. It's okay that you go to a job that pays less if you really love it.

And if you grow with it, it's fantastic. So you don't have to drop out today. Do what you were hired to do unless you really feel that you need to go and leave now. And if you have to leave now to go do it, you do it.

Isn't it amazing how a little extra words changes the whole direction here?

That last context, absolutely flip that switch automatically. You're unfulfilled. It's time to move on. It's time to go find what you're going to want to grow with and not lose any inspiration. See, we didn't know that before.

You know, when I used to hire people and I'd get them through a job, you know, placement service, it was a one-year contract. I had to keep them for one year. After that year, they can do whatever they want. Yeah.

You're done. Go do your thing.

Look, the fact that you serve the one year, we're all saying the same thing. Take your direction. Let's see where this path takes you. End of story. It's perfect right on theme. Don't overthink.

Story number one.

I don't think it's an issue. I think you just exit and go find your next path. You'll find it. Everyone has to bump into a few walls before you find the doors.

Okay. Number four.

Well, I have a great remedy.

Put it out by your front door. Tell them that tomorrow at 9 o'clock, I'm putting it at my front door. It's yours to pick up at 9 o'clock from that point on. If it's gone, not my problem. I want to know what's in the box. I don't give a shit what's in the box.

I don't care if it's a box of diamonds and box of gold. Open the box.

My answer is, I send him another email.

Tomorrow... Text message, nine o'clock in the morning. It's out by my front door. Come grab it or whatever happens. I don't give a shit. It's gone.

Return to sender. Address unknown. You know that one? No. Elvis Presley. No such number. No such number. I don't know the words. Just go home. It's Elvis.

Classic.

I don't even want to know what's in it.

Yes. You want him to send it to you? Yeah. Well, no, I just want him to send it. Contact Morgan to get it?

Number five.

Get A out of your system. Go for it. Put all into it. Go all forward and see what happens. And you may find out once you're together that you're able to walk away with a clear conscience. You have to be able to be healed to go on.

And since this guy is not getting out of your head, even though you're separated, you're back together, separated, back together. You just have to truly give it everything you have and then either go forward and go with the gusto or it will terminate and you'll be able to go on with your life with a clear conscience, with finding the right person.

And I've been here. I've been here. So you definitely will find out one way or the other where this thing goes. Yeah. And take the shot. Go for it.

And I was actually wondering why is he even saying this?

Yeah. If he doesn't come together with you, cut the hook and go on with your life.

Agreed. Okay. Agree? Yeah. Yes. We all three agree? Yes. There you go.

I agree.

With the curly hairs. Sure.

That's British, yeah. Number six.

Hey.

You guys may not like this one. I think that I believe that everything should kind of happen organically. And if he is not meeting to your needs of timing, you can be very honest with him and say, look, you know, our schedules are kind of off unless we can make it a priority both ways of our on both sides of us to to be together and spend time. I'm going to continue dating.

And I'm going to be honest with you. I'm going to keep that door open. And if we make it, and then you were able to find time for one another and get to know each other better. Great. But I don't think you need to give him any kind of permanency or, or, or commitment other than saying, when we can get together, we're going to get together and keep your door open.

Hi, everybody. Welcome to this crazy episode of Father Knows Something. As you notice, that Pedro is not with us this evening, but he does want to come back.

What do you think is going to happen when she says to him, you know something, I really enjoy the time we had together and I do like you, but because of this inconsistency, I'm definitely going to keep my door open. I want to be honest with you about it. I'm not going to tell you anything different. And how do you think his behavior is going to change?

Do you think he's going to say bye or you think he's going to really wake up and say, if there's a chance here for this woman, I better step it up.

If he's not, then she needs to do that.

I'm actually saying it to be realistic. And you should. Yeah, you should. I mean, otherwise, because she said, I've removed myself from Hinge.

My answer is I'm back on hinge. And if we are able to pull this up and develop and remember, this is the foundation period of this relationship.

Well, you want to get over that fear? Goes for my sharks. You'll have a whole new fear. In reality, a lot of people have fear of driving. But people in the Uber world really grew up saying, I don't have to drive. And they were very comfortable doing the ability of using Uber and other options. That all said, you know, you're a few years away of the driverless car.

And we're having a problem already in the foundation.

Maybe he works, you know. Put it this way. If somebody wants to spend time with somebody. They'll find a way. They're going to find the time. And if he's not finding the time, he doesn't deserve to have that seat at the table.

Okay.

That is. Keep going. We all agree on this one?

You agree? Yes. I agree. Judgment in.

We have another one?

We do. Let's make rock and roll. Number seven.

I want to hear it.

I think if you're going to go on the apps or when you meet somebody new, you say, look, I am here today. I have a job that might be here for a year and a half. If we are going to spend time together, don't enter into this unless you are really prepared that you know that I could end up moving away in a year and a half and you're willing to move to if we succeed.

If you are locked into living here the rest of your life, let's not go any further. And that way, at least you've been very upfront. This is the challenge of what may happen. And you take that fear right out of it from the beginning, that if this person realizes that you guys may make it and you may have to move, people do relocate themselves in relationships. All the time. And it works. It does.

But if you're upfront about it, at least we know. There are times where I've been in relationships that I've We said, I will never move. I'll always be here. But the bottom line is you never know what's gonna happen in the future. And if you're with the right person, home is where your heart is.

I think that if you actually disclose it right from the beginning, I think that is right because it's honesty and you've put it on that table. You've laid it out. And later on, they might say, you know, you're just not the person I wanted to do this with.

They're out there today and they're producing them. Really, the cars will be totally autonomous. Depends where you live because of snow. But to get through what you're really talking about,

Well, I can rebut that by just saying my biggest fear that I have in a relationship is that something may happen in the future where I want to move. And if that's going to be something that you'll never want to do, let's not go any further because all of a sudden you've opened that door to like that person. And now you got to go face it in the next date and you're already excited about it.

I may not know where I want to move to because- And it doesn't sound like they do. And so that's what, but I still say, are you locked in living with the rest of your life right here with mom and dad and brother and sister, or are you going to be open?

Maybe you can, at best, because you're now a team, maybe she'll be able to go, you guys can go out to a very rural area where you cannot feel the constraints of traffic yet, where you can get at least used to the ability of how the car controls itself. And you'll feel that road.

But it's a concern of hers right now.

Also, you find good people in the Midwest. Right. But today, I already know that I want to... If you can't get someone to understand that right from the beginning, don't go step two. Move on.

Isn't it interesting, guys out there, that we all have... Well, two agree. One guy's on his high horse.

But you're still even talking about leaving.

But before you do anything, you're going to have to go get your permit, which means study for the test, go get your permit, and then go out to a very rural area where you can drive and feel the vehicle underneath you and grow some confidence before you put yourself in traffic. I don't know if you live in New York City.

And by the way, we have had right into over the years that, and we've been here a few years.

That have all of the above. They have moved. They have not moved together. They have succeeded. They have not succeeded. There's no guarantee, no warranty. The bottom line is I hope you got a lot out of this show, especially in the adversity in this answer.

So do we all agree that there's choices and there's life and you have to enjoy it and move forward and just go for it?

So we all agree that life will always bring us a little bit of bowl of cherries. We just have to decide what cherries we're going to eat.

And there is your gavel. And to all of you, thanks for joining us this week. We will see you at Patreon. Yes. If you want to join, we encourage you. I'm sure we have a Group T popping up in the near future.

and you're dealing with high concentration of craziness, or you live in a town where you can really drive and not have too much anxiety.

Because I know that it's supposed to be every four weeks at least.

Okay. Okay.

Yes, he was very happy, and he really loved all the writings that you guys sent him with love, and he really was so excited to see them. And he made the thumbnail. And he did. He was so proud. He's actually going to send you back a paw print. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, and I only remember back from 1821. It's been a bit longer for you, yeah. It's been a minute.

And I'm not trying to make you feel, you know, anything other than that you can do this. But I remember that, just to give you an idea, Morgan was behind a wheel probably at the age of six.

You know, this is a priority thing too, Morgan. I mean, if she's going to get a license, she's going to definitely want to get a car. Or something. I mean, we're talking about how are we going to manage this? And if this woman is her partner, then maybe they do it together out in the rural area because evidently money is already an issue. I don't know what they can afford.

Because he said, you got Holly on the wall? I want a Pedro with a paw print.

Your thought is very good, but here's the one argument I have for it. What a great test to see if this is really your person.

Yeah, that's true.

As simple as it was, I took Morgan into a parking lot and let her go drive where she couldn't get hurt. Yeah. That's what I did. And you were, you were, you couldn't even see over the windshield. I think you were basically on, I did get you in the seat.

I mean, well, no, you were driving the little Healey by eight.

Really?

Anyways, guys, I definitely think it's doable for her.

So Pedro, if you're listening, you got to come do the time.

I wouldn't. And we would all be happy. I mean, I love going in Waymo. If I can get the driverless car, if I ever buy another car.

It will be the driverless car.

Number two.

Don't overthink this one.

It's that simple. Who can consider someone to be in a relationship with when they can't even make it a priority not to hurt you? I mean, to be able to hold you with the utmost respect and to put you on this plateau where they wouldn't even think about it and they can't control it. That's a tough one to go into. So that's easy for me. Find the person that there are people out there.

Find the person that's going to love you and respect you.

Go for it. This is about trust your radar.

Hi, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Father Knows Something. We got the crew.

Overnight.

Versus, that's right. And let me tell you, I will never make that mistake again.

It's caused me about two and a half weeks of hell.

It's kind of like how you think about, well, how did we determine or find out that this is poisonous to humans or dangerous?

man honesty is the man you're looking for is a compassionate understanding and a guy who understands who you are even religiously for the fact that you feel that you've had a different calling now than the calling you thought you had this is the time to find out and explore that to see where if there's a reason why you're you're having these feelings

So if it's either one to challenge you to make sure that the path you are going to take is the right path, or if this new path is the right path for you. Either way, the honesty that you're going to have when you go on a date is what's going to set the stage. Let them know quite clearly where you've been for the past 10 years.

Someone had to find out the hard way. Someone had to eat that berry, find out, well, if you eat that berry, it kills you.

And if they have any brains, they're going to figure out that you gave your life for chastity for God. And now you're looking to find a relationship. I don't think you're really looking for just a one-nighter. You're looking for a relationship. You're looking to build something.

So if that's what it is and you are looking to build something, then let's see when you're honest and open that you're looking for a relationship. to see if that makes them run away or that makes them dig in deeper to go get to know you. Because it's really, you have such depth of who you are.

Let's see what they do to respond to that and to encourage you to be the best person you are in a life as a relationship or wherever you go. Because the right guy, I'm sorry, I see you're going to go, but the right guy is going to get this.

Otherwise, how would we have ever learned it? So I was the sacrificial berry eater.

I mean, this is a follow your gut situation because I think that's what you've done thus far. But it's a definitely, you know, there's only one way to find out type situation.

And I think you'll know very quickly once you get in, but also this is a tricky one because it's like, if you go on a few bad dates, that doesn't necessarily mean dating's not for you. That's just normal adult dating. Yeah, dating's tough. Because you say you have the lack of experience, you know, with adult relationships. And given that, you know, it's tough unless you, if you meet the right guy.

then hopefully that allows for you to feel, well, yes, this is where I'm supposed to be. And this is my new path, my new calling. But also that right person could help you make you realize that, no, this was a fantasy or whatever you called it. And I am supposed to be on this other path. But really, I think you could have both paths.

I don't know necessarily if you can be a nun and whatever that is, but I think you could still have a very strong faith and follow that while also finding the right person. Because it feels like to me, you kind of went from one extreme and now you're kind of pendulum shifting. Maybe you fall somewhere in the middle and have both instead of all of this or all of that.

Do you know what I hear from her?

How do I even meet him? How do I find the guy? And I'm thinking to myself, there are, I mean, every Wednesday, let's go to the website, let's go to the website. But I mean, she loved church. She loved being part in the world of God. That doesn't mean she won't find a guy at church, just going to church on Sunday or being active in a congregation. She had to be active.

Right. So the fact that you were in one area of it doesn't mean you can't still stay with your church and find a person who is amongst your faith and your beliefs that could be to be your guy. All you're doing is taking yourself out of the idea of becoming a nun to becoming basically still a Catholic, still a person that wants to believe in God and do the practices.

You just want to find someone to do it with and maybe have a family and have that lifestyle. So I think that's a great place to begin. And also, look, they certainly have websites that are designed for people of faith.

And it's always good to have your cake and eat it too.

That's what we all want.

That's happiness at its ultimate point.

And most importantly, just like Morgan said, don't think every one of them is going to be perfect. Look, there's going to be some dates that are going to be a little awkward. You're going to be with the wrong person. It's just identifying it, not trying to force the dating, not trying to force this person to be your person. Let it happen organically.

I am ready. Let's kick it off. What is the theme?

And the fact that if you start dating and you hold off physically, and I hate to say it, but hold up the physicality just long enough to get to know different people. That way, at least you're not misleading anybody or yourself as you're getting to know different people and you can be open and honest about it.

And if they're, they see the, the golden you, they'll go along letting you experience what you need to experience and back off and relax and just know that the best person will end up with you. And that might be them. We'll see.

Are we going to roll on to number three? Let's do it.

Critical point.

How many shoe horns you got these days?

Oh, globally?

Yeah.

Oh, I have a lot of them globally.

Not yet. Yeah, I probably have about five or six.

Floating around.

Okay.

Yeah, some people have, you know, pipes. I just have my shoe horn.

Dear Jerry, Morgan, and Justin, I've been a big fan of your show and THT for a while now, and my fiance and I always pause to give our takes, and we love how often we align with what you guys say. It's so refreshing to have access to quality dad advice because I've always had a strained relationship with my own dad, and my partner's dad lives halfway across the country.

This is like you're on a teeter-totter. It's the critical point where you go.

So your input would be much appreciated. Here's the issue. My partner and I are recently engaged and so happy together. He's so kind, supportive, loving, and we laugh together all the time. I can't wait to be married to him. However, the wedding planning has already been extremely stressful for us.

Mostly because of how some family members of my side of the family identify politically and religiously. My uncle, my dad's brother and best friend has some pretty extreme beliefs that my partner and I wholeheartedly disagree with. In fact, both me and my fiance have pursued careers that are in direct opposition to his beliefs.

In some ways, it feels having him and his family there would be a catastrophe. antithetical to a celebration of the relationship my fiancé and I have grown together. In recent years, I've found it really hard to separate politics and my fundamental values, especially when it comes to issues that affect women, immigrants, the LGBTQ community, and other marginalized people.

Nice. You like that? Yeah. Sound effects and the visual. Yeah. All right. Let's go see who's going to be on the critical point to see which way the teeter-totter will totter. Yeah. Teeter. Will it teeter? Will it totter?

This is especially true because my younger sibling has been out as trans for about five years now. While my parents claim they're trying, they still regularly use their dead name and former pronouns. I know this really hurts them as we're very close. And my fiance and I have been some of our only family members who fully respect and honor their identity.

Cut to my older sister's wedding, which occurred this past summer. My sibling brought their lovely partner to the wedding and wore a suit in the same color as the bridal party's dresses. They looked phenomenal, despite my parents and sister giving them a hard time about it.

Somewhere in there. So anyway, we've had a great week. Been busy and a wonderful, wonderful day today. So now let's kick this thing off. What's our theme tonight?

After the wedding, when everyone was saying goodbye, my dad's brother made inappropriate comments to my sibling, something along the lines of needing to pray for them or some BS. I know they felt super uncomfortable about the interaction. Now it's time for my fiance and I to plan our own special day.

My dad insists that his brother attend even after we explained our hesitations and the situation at my older sister's wedding. He also said he wouldn't allow us to invite any of his siblings if we didn't allow this brother on the guest list. He's one of four and only that brother has adopted those beliefs.

My parents will be helping with the cost of the wedding, and they have been holding it over us.

When we first approached the issue, he said it might be your wedding, but I'm writing the check. Nope. very much aligned with how my parents have leveraged money to control me and my siblings in the past. What makes me really sad about this situation is that it feels like he's choosing his brother over his own kids.

He won't even have a conversation with his brother to set boundaries on our and my siblings' behalf, so maybe, more accurately, he's choosing his own comfort over us. With everything going on in the world and the protections for trans people getting rolled back so aggressively, I feel an even greater obligation to protect my baby sibling. Am I being out of line or asking too much from my dad?

I do welcome a stress-free wedding day where I know the people I care about most feel safe to express themselves and their joy to the fullest.

You want to let it out?

Tell me my daughter.

Ready for me?

I agree 100% with you. I don't have to say one word.

There you go.

What do you got? Well, I have some more, I guess. Well, I have some more.

Well, I have some additional background on the dad's kind of character here.

My relationship with my dad is strained because he rarely will go out of his way to do things for others, even in his own family. Example, after our family dog passed away, he pushed us to replace her immediately, even when I said I needed time. However, went ahead, got a puppy, and I was left to do everything for her while he would leave her locked in the crate anytime he was home alone with her.

My mom even once told me she's afraid that if she ever got sick, he would leave her. I could really use some dad advice.

I'm done with dad. This is, I think you nailed it. I mean, far as your wedding goes, I think you just go get the people that are really important to you, invite them and say, we're having a nice small little wedding. We don't have a lot of money. You don't even have to just basically just say, we're having a nice small wedding. Come, come and join us. And that's really what it is. Dial it back.

Morgan said everything correctly. I don't need to go hear myself talking. You guys don't need to hear me when we all agree.

This is setting. You're an adult. You set it. You're an adult. Set your path. Hold your line. He'll get the message real quick. I don't cross this boundary. I mean, if you have to spell out to him, say, Dad, this is a boundary for me. And I'm sorry, but no, I really appreciate you wanting to pay for my wedding under your terms. But, you know, I don't need it. I want to do something different.

And I'm going to invite just the people who I really believe will give me a wonderful time at a wedding. And don't send them the invitation. He's not part of it.

Yeah, I mean, the wedding is just the, everything comes together and comes to a head with weddings. It brings all the problems and every family dynamic right together.

Doesn't have to.

But it, like Morgan was saying, it kind of sets the tone for the future. This wedding is one day. It's a big day, but it is one day. And we kind of need to set the tone for how we're gonna be dealing with dad going forward.

This is all about respect and the lack thereof. And your dad does not have the respect for you to honor what your wishes are. Even to go to his brother and say, you know, Dave or whatever his brother's name is, the behavior that you did was totally out of left field. And I can't allow that to happen at the next one.

I understand you may want to attend our wedding, but I want you to really realize that I can't invite you to Stacy's wedding because... And I'm using that as a fictitious name because I just can't invite you to the wedding because of what happened last time. And it just, it wasn't appropriate. And I don't think that you can control yourself.

That would be the ideal. Yeah.

And if he can do that, great. But if he can't do it?

This is number one.

You got some time. Morgan, you nailed it in the very beginning.

I would also suggest, recommend a shoehorn. You can use it on people.

Let's move on to number four.

Hi, fam. Hi. I love you guys, and I listen to you all day at work. I'm having a problem with my boyfriend of three years. We are both freshly adults, and we live at home. He's amazing, and I love him so much. My problem is, I think we are, as Morgan loves to say, enmeshed. 24-7 FaceTime. Not kidding. I have an iPad, so he's on there all day, unless he's at work or with his friends.

I don't know how to stop either. He's my best friend. He makes every day special and not so lonesome in my house. We want to move out together in June, so maybe the physical closeness will almost help that. But then I fear we will just be with each other at home all day unless it's for work.

I'm just caught up in this world and it feels like the rest of the world is actually participating in life while I'm in a bubble. Of course, my bubble is pleasant, but I want to do more things alone and together. Ideal outcome, I want us to have a healthy bond rather than whatever codependency this is. Additional info, I've always been codependent and I'm afraid of therapy.

Well, I'm sorry you're afraid of therapy, but it might be your best friend.

And I think you have to really approach it with the idea that it might teach you something new and help break these habits. And not worry about your relationship surviving by going through it. It won't survive by not going through it, typically. You got to be healthy on all sides of the box. And the way to do that is you need interaction from other people.

You need to be able to go out in the daylight and not have the shadow right with you. It doesn't mean you don't want to miss them. Give yourself the chance to miss them. That. And think about them when they're not there, not having the instant gratification of them being there.

So when you do come home and you see their car in the driveway, your heart gets to go pitter-pat because you've missed them during the day. But you can't give yourself that real chance for that really to develop by being there 24-7.

You're not growing.

Absolutely. You need to grow. And the only way you're going to grow is by bringing other interaction and other people in your life that you can communicate with. And certainly no one that he has to be jealous about just to build friendships. Yeah.

I don't think there's any two people that have ever existed that could be together 24 seven and not end up hating each other.

there's there's just no way and like you said it's destructive to your relationship for sure in the long run and it's destructive to yourself but the the good thing here is you've already made the first hard step in recognizing there's a problem yeah because a lot of people would just stay in this little bubble comfy cozy and not realize there's an issue until it's too late you for the relationship or for yourself

I really do think that you should find some counseling, someone that you can talk to about it and just hear what they have to say. And it might really give you some awareness to some of this and how to get past that, keeping your relationship, but also making it healthier.

And I also think, you know, maybe some of the nerves about therapy here are due to you don't necessarily want to dive into your whole life and your whole background and everything that has led up to this point and all the other trauma you've gone through.

I do think with therapy, yeah, you can give general, like they get to know you a little bit, but you don't have to open up your whole past just to deal with the kind of situation that's right in front of you. You can go in and say, here's what I'm going through. They can get a little background. But if you feel that some stuff that you've gone through that you don't want to open up,

Tools are good, right, Jerry? I love tools.

As long as you can find them. We find them.

Number five.

Is this the finale?

I'm awake, baby. Number five. Cinco.

Go figure. You know, when you're together, I know everyone wants that knowing security that they're ready to commit and they're going to be there. And sometimes we just have to put back and just say, they're coming home to me. They're there for me. I'm there for them. And we have this relationship.

And while you're going through that, when you're married, you may have that little extra security, but you can talk to many people that will say, that marriage made no more security. It really is back to the basic of we talk together, we communicate together. When we're not together, we can go out and be with friends, but we can't wait to go back home and be with that person.

We find joy with them. That's really what it's about. And so if you're married having that, if you're engaged having that, and then you have it with being engaged or not being engaged, you have it. It's that's the thing that you have to focus on right now that you're together and you're enjoying life and when you every day there's a new adventure and you're growing.

If that's happening, don't worry. The engagement will happen. Trying to push that word engagement is, in a lot of ways, it's a falsehood. Don't fall into it because it's not as important as back to square one. We want to grow every day together and see each other and have fun and have our relationship that we count on one another. And when we go out, we have fun with one another.

We wake up or we talk, we have fun with one another. That's really the important thing. And I would focus on that.

Yeah, I don't really understand the, you know, I'm ready and he has very valid reasons for not necessarily being at that point. We can disagree on, you know, the first two years as a couple of what they were, you know, whatever.

Even with that, it's like, if you feel that this is your person and they're reciprocating that, but they're not ready to necessarily propose, but they're going out of their way and doing all these special things that then are ruined for you because you're like, well, they didn't propose. Yeah.

that's a really bad cycle to be in because they're stepping up, showing effort, doing way more than the next guy would. Like the special trip and this, and then it's like, oh, he's gonna propose. I mean, we've seen that through different friends and stories. I've been there. And it's like, oh, he's gonna propose, he's gonna propose. And then the really special thing that just happened

is totally ruined because you didn't get this, what you thought was going to be a proposal.

Everything is timing. But in this sense, it's like, he's not there yet. If you believe he's your person and he thinks the same about you, Then let's just roll with it for a while. Like Jerry was saying, let's just enjoy life together. When it happens, it's going to happen. Obviously, if we get to a point where it's like, hey, I made this comment. It's been a few years.

Are we dragging our feet and this isn't happening? Yeah. I'm not getting that sense right now. I'm getting very valid reasons on his end where it's like, no. And obviously we have a paragraph here, right? But I just, my gut feeling on this is like, let's just roll with it.

And then if it gets to a point where you really are like, I'm taking this, I need to take this step or we're done, then you can get there. But I don't, like, let's take a little bit of pressure off.

But remember, she's ready to say I do.

Just in time. That's why it's my name. Just in time.

But also you want to make sure that when you do propose to him, that the answer is going to be yes. You don't want him to have to say, you know, honey, I do want to marry, but I'm not ready to get engaged today.

I know. I'm just putting, if you put that out there. Mm-hmm. It's just kind of this scary threat that flies around you like a bat.

It will be two years from your engagement till you get married.

Oh, I just was enjoying listening about the wonderful week and the wonderful day.

This is my hand up. interesting like you wouldn't get your turn yeah with just three of us here this is a little story which you get bored with but i met i know a couple that i have met that they're they're now probably closer to their 80s late 70s 80s okay and they were you know uh Second relationship after marriage. They've been together for, I think, 37 years or somewhere plus or minus.

However, they've only been married for 10, plus or minus.

No, not at all. But it's interesting that, no, they've been together for all these years. They just never got married. And when he wanted to get married, the thing that I heard that was said is, by her, I've been married. Why do I need to be married? And finally, she acquiesced and they did get married finally.

So long as you're together and you're growing, that's really the important part that I see. You know, I see reasons to get married. There's financial reasons. You want to make sure that, you know, with different, you know, Social Security and different... There are reasons.

But it doesn't handcuff you. It's not a handcuff at all. Well, but that's right. But that's like, oh, I need to get to that marriage because then I know we're committed. We're locked down forever. But it's like, not these days.

That's bullshit.

I mean, I know so many people that have been married. And let me tell you, they're on number four. So when you're on number four, you can see how the commitment does not come from the ring. The commitment comes from the heart. And, you know, when you start dating someone, you can make that choice. Am I committed to that person or am I not? And it's not really what you say to them.

It's what you say to yourself. Because that's the only person that you really have to answer to. I know that when I'm with somebody and I'm committed, they may not even know I'm committed. I know I'm committed. I know that I have no interest in anybody else because I'm locked down. I wanted that relationship to work and I'm going to put all my focus into that relationship.

And the day that I know that I'm not being focused in that relationship is the day that I have a talk and say, we got a problem. Can we work on it or do we just let it go? And that's...

So the fact that he was there to take you on that wonderful romantic camping trip, I think that you need to be more appreciative and that you can say, wow, he really went out of his way to do this, to have that quality time. And it wasn't really about the engagement thing. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the time you're with them and grow.

I think that's it for tonight, is it?

Number six.

I can't wait to hear it.

Well, I can certainly tell you one thing. I know what it is like in a machine slash welding shop.

I had one.

So there's no doubt. And I feel bad that you had to really get out of a job that you probably really loved because welding is an art. It really is. And I've known many women that are welders and they've done beautiful work. And, you know, it's an art, period. You know, a weld bead is a signature.

They all have their own signature.

So I hope you can find welding again, even if it's on the artistic side or somewhere different than where you were. You were obviously in a place where people had no respect and they're dickheads.

Well, it's terrible when people make you dislike your passion or something that you truly love.

Just because of the work environment or because of how people criticize what you do or anything, whether it's a creative field, whether it's...

more you know trades whether it's whatever it could be out there when people make you hate something that you truly love and have a passion for it's just disgusting so let me ask a question doesn't she have options at this point in time she's out of there can't she go back and file a suit for certainly for hr not listening i'm sure she's got copies of those write-ups those complaints

No actions were taken. No one ever suffered.

That's an important factoid.

Yeah, and by the way, just to excite you about welding, there's some new equipment that's coming out that's out today for laser welding that is just amazing stuff that's out there.

Yeah, that's crazy. That sounds exciting though. You've explored that world. And now it's like, let's try something new. I wish I could live a million lifetimes to be a film director, to do music like I am now, to do X. I want to do all the different careers.

I will say this one thing. There is nothing about what you did in welding that does not benefit you going forward into whatever your life will be because they can't take that experience from you.

And you will find that things that you've done, you're 19. So you're going to find out that the jobs that you've done, the things you've done, how it applies to something totally different five years, 10 years down the road. You'll say, I can use this for that. And it's amazing that it's all new foundations. Build these foundations and you'll see how you'll apply them as life goes on.

Well, and the age honestly is irrelevant. I mean, if you're listening to this one as a 19, 29, 39, 49 year old, however old you are, you can always take this step. And it can be really exciting. Why not change it up? I'm 67. I'm a podcaster.

Go figure.

I do. I love it too.

Are we done? Is this it?

We'll see you over on Patreon. We love you, and thanks for joining us and being a part of our family. If you are simply a Spotify listener or a radio listener, don't forget, you're welcome to come see what we look like.

But- That was really scary when I saw that.

And this is a reach out for Molly. You asked us where our address was. And if you go right into the description on Instagram or on YouTube, it will give you the address on Wilshire Boulevard.

That is correct.

I can't wait.

I'm going to go check it out.

I'm going to grab your key.

It's popping.

I was waiting for some specifics of, you know, we could get to know you, what's going on in your life, but just great week, great day. That's what we got. Yes.

You know, communication, we always say, is the most important thing in a relationship. And you certainly have the ability of saying to him, you know, I really love the way you cook. I love that you do it. But I really want to let you know that I am not going to eat past 7.30, 6.30, 5.30. I certainly have had relationships where people have let me know that they don't want to eat at 8 o'clock.

And here's the big dating game or whatever they call it. There used to be a show called The Dating Game and The Newlywed Game.

Holy shit. You didn't know that? My brother was on that game too.

And we do the big dating game kiss goodbye.

I mean, when we were living together, we would eat at 8 o'clock, 8.30, 9 o'clock. It was way too late. When you guys went on your merry way and you guys have your home, I eat at 5.30. Mm-hmm. That's just where I find that I eat and it's better for me and I digest things better.

So you certainly have the ability of saying to him, look, I know you like to cook and I'm not going to try to get into your kitchen, but unless we can eat by whatever you specify that time is, that, you know, it isn't going to work well for that. And that's part of the deal. And you're not allowed to critique me because I'll cook earlier, but I don't want to be beat up.

I'm not here to, I want you to be able to appreciate that I came into the kitchen and I did it because I really don't want to do it. And I know you like to do it and you do it wonderfully, but you got to bring your time to where people can really function and you got to define it and live it.

Yeah, I mean, it'd be tough living with a Gordon Ramsay-like type where you can't just grab the quick meal and go when you need to. It's no, this has to be prepared this way. And even if we're not cooking it, you know, wherever we go out, the only thing on my mind would be, oh, I wonder what he's gonna say about this. I wonder what he's gonna say about this or that.

Versus having someone that's passionate about that and can cook a badass meal.

but it doesn't have to be every single meal of the day. And cause that's just not functional for normal life. Maybe there's someone out there who can cook a lavish, you know, Michelin star type meal for every meal because they have time for it and that's what they like to do. But in this sense, it just doesn't seem to be functional.

Well, you want to hear about the holy hell that I've been going through? You really want me to rain on everyone's parade?

And so we're looking for some sort of compromise on his end to make this possible. Otherwise, this turns into a situation where sadly you'll be making your own meal at X time or picking it up, ordering out, however that works. He'll be doing his thing and we're always eating separate. That could be something for people.

But at some point, it's like when you live with someone, especially in a relationship, it's nice to be on a similar schedule.

So are we looking at some counseling?

I think the ponies are the most stressed.

We are now like in the third week of February. I don't know.

So I have my cooking thing down to a science. You know, when I entertain at home, I know that I'm going to cook dinner. And I know that I've gotten my, when we used to live together, we would make these dinners that would take an hour to cook. I dialed it down to where I can make dinner now in 15 or 20 minutes. Very quick and easy. Very good.

So I was going to suggest that she may want to select meals that she knows that will come in or he can make meals that will come in at a timeline. That they're not going to be two hours, three hours to prep. On a daily basis, you get your meal done, prepped and ready to go within 20 to 30 minutes. That way you guys can eat at that selected time.

One of my projects I had runaway alcohol. 95% rubbing alcohol decided to disintegrate things.

Then he's got to get in the kitchen earlier or he's on his own to eat and she'll either cook for herself, like you said, or she'll bring in food. She doesn't have to force herself to eat at 9.30 or 10 o'clock at night.

It's tough when people are foodies. And I respect if you're a foodie. Everyone loves good food. I think some people take it a bit too far. In this sense, it's with the cooking, but there's also, I felt in my life when someone's like, Oh, I go to this meal and oh, this place in the city makes the best this. If you go anywhere else, it won't compare.

When people put themselves into that position, it makes it hard for me to go anywhere with them where I'm like, hey, I really love this place. Be great to have everyone go and experience it. Because you just know that's like, oh, well, you know, these Brussels sprouts aren't like at over at blah, blah, blah. And they should have done it with this. It is a lot of pressure.

And I can't imagine that pressure when you are the one preparing it instead of just being, you know, the restaurant third party.

That was a Jerry boo-boo. Rookie move.

And yeah, I would never want to cook. What do you mean? I'd like, I'd be showing up with pre-prepped something or I'd grab something on the way home and be like,

It was definitely.

Yeah. And I'm sitting here saying that the abuse isn't worth it. That's the biggest problem. So they have a deeper problem that's going to happen in their marriage unless they find a way through it.

Who would ever have imagined? So I've been playing with.

This is the man that's supposed to be in love with you. He's the one that's supposed to be cherishing you and just being in delight that you're with him.

Right, because you're, oh, sorry.

You can go.

I think, I mean, she's not trying to start her own restaurant. It's not like a Gordon Ramsay type situation. I just picture him like, I don't know what the kitchen setup is, but kind of hovering, passing by.

Seeing what pans are being used, seeing the slicing happening and not saying anything in the moment to actually help be a potential teacher, even if that was possible at this point, but more just waiting like, oh yeah, she used the wrong pan for the whatever. And then just taking one bite of the meal and being like, You used the wrong pan for this. You did this.

I would. Never. I mean, the stuff has been bullet. It's been fine. And then all of a sudden.

You did like, dude, I couldn't, I couldn't handle it.

Is that like being in competition with your wife over cooking? Yeah. I mean, is that the most ridiculous thing that we've actually heard when we're just trying to eat?

Yeah. Restaurant would close real quick.

Just remember where he should remember where he is. He's home. He's with the woman that he apparently loves and that loves him. And that if he keeps abusing you, trust me, you ain't going to love him too much more.

Number two.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, hi, everybody, and here we're back in the studio.

Yeah. And if he's not facilitating that in every possible way, you will lose respect.

And it's going to deteriorate that relationship, hence causing a bigger but.

I didn't have to spell it out. I didn't have to go enter the crack. Let's roll on. Number three. Number three.

Ooh. Okay. Let's see what we got.

Yeah, because I know a lot of people that have family that they still are foe. And they have issues. There are people, a lot of family dynamics. It's quite interesting. Okay. And I see it every day, by the way.

As you were reading this, I really recognize that I have been out with people that were diseased with the multi-level marketing mentality. And it's really a chemical combination when you get this personality that is that salesperson that is sent out to go pray because it's designed for them to pray and conquer. And it's not just to get their stuff into your hand.

Let's go. Let's see if life experiences have anything to shine on this for you guys.

It's to get you to begin, for you to become part of the multi-level marketing chain. And they don't know when to stop. And I've gone out with somebody that when no matter where I went, That multi-level marketing persona hit everywhere. And then I went out with somebody that was, you know, in her own little design business, you know, with some art that she would do.

And everyone was, you know, the first thing she would say is, I'm an artist or I'm this. And she would try to get everyone to buy into it. Sometimes people just don't know when to stop. And relax and don't bring your professional thing that you're looking a to involve everybody else in it. And or to become their money is to become part of your chain. So it's really important.

I think when she started to try to get you to buy into, I'll give you 50% off. I think your answer really is, mom, if there's anything you think that we need, you buy it and you gift it. I'm not buying anything. If I need something, I'll decide what I need. And you really can't tell your husband to do this. I think it's now you take your own direction with her because you need to earn her respect.

And by applying that boundary in a nice way, you're giving her the chance to get it and hear you. And I love that expression because a friend of mine says to me, she says, you're not hearing me. You may be listening, but you must hear and hear the words and what the inference of what they're trying to say. And it's really important.

So let her know that to, you know, understand that this is a boundary. If I need it, I will buy it. I don't want you to bring me the suggestion to buy something because I don't really not looking for your opinion if I have acne or not. I own a mirror and I'll look at myself to take care of myself. I'm looking for love and support and that is it. Not anything else.

And if you can respect that boundary, we're going to really do well going forward in our life because we're going to be together for quite a while. but you need to respect me as an adult and know my boundary. And I think once you do that, hopefully they'll get it because if they don't get it, you can just say, apparently we're having a communication problem.

Really? Yeah. What is the episode number? A lot. This is episode a lot. And if you haven't seen all of the a lot, start from the beginning and let's binge through it.

And they're going to learn to step back and not do this because you're going to define that line in a really respectful way that they will realize they're making the mistake doing this.

They're trained.

It's horrible that somebody would think that. I'm trying to look at the... For the right word that I'm trying to captivate, the bottom line is it's horrible that they... She even said it. The bottom line is that if she sees something that she wants to get for the kitchen, she can go buy it and give a gift. No one's stopping her.

I mean, I see stuff that I may want to get you guys, and I'll just go buy it. And I'll say, here you go. I think I may have bought some oil because I love the good olive oil. I know it's good polyphenols. Not that you guys can't buy olive oil, but you may have been unaware of this polyphenol.

I bought it from my brother, in fact, and I sent it to him because I thought it would be healthier for him. Now, he got an olive oil as a gift. He gets to make that choice. Does he want to use it or throw it away?

And that's where it is. So, I mean, I say, if she sees something, she wants to get them as a gift by all means, buy them the gift, but don't call them and say, Hey, I'll get you half off for this.

And my advice is only because I have dated women that have been in this world and I've witnessed this world.

Oh, try to hook me into it. Get me, you know, come to meetings, join in.

And then you like to think, well, maybe it's just an adventure. And then you find out it's neither. It's time to leave.

Anyways. Moving on, I just say that this is, I don't think it's out of meanness. It's just out of their way and their programming and what they do to you. And, you know, don't take it as an offense, but certainly set up the boundary that I'm not interested in this. You want to get me something, great. We're happy to bring something in the house, but I'm not buying anything.

I'm not buying into multi-level marketing. Good luck to you. I wish you a lot of success, but really leave me out of that. Yeah. Let's move on to number four. Okay.

Number four.

I'm guessing that you evidently have made it very clear to him that you don't want anything to do with you or your child or your life to be brought in front of your mom, that she is excommunicado. I mean, she's done. And if he is choosing to have a life and a relationship with her away from involving you, great.

But if it's in fact that he was well aware of this and you have defined this to him and he has broken that trust, then you're right. I want nothing to do with you. If you're going to be around the skunk and pick up the odor, I don't need that here. And it's about respect. And the fact that he lied to you, I guess you guys call that gaslighting.

and he's point blank betraying you, then you don't need that. Right. It's manipulation and it fucks with your radar.

And that goes back to just, if you're dating someone or, or friends with somebody, or it's a family member, if somebody is, is fucking with your radar, where, you know, it's where, you know, it's X and they're telling you it's why I don't need you in my life because you're screwing with me.

No phone when you come to the house, no pictures when you come to the house. You can come and you can enjoy us by ourselves, but that is where it is. I don't want anything. Until I feel comfortable, you got to live under these rules. Mom is out of my life, and you got to really be clear on it, that I'm not going to allow you to fuck up.

Because if me allowing you to fuck up, then I fucked up, and I got to cut you loose.

We do. And you just point blank say, this is how we got here. And you're going to have to trench your way out of this thing because right now you're in a hole with me.

And you can accept it any way you want, but I'm going to protect myself and I'm protecting my child and my life. And you're not, you have not been a part of the solution. You're a part of the problem. Yeah. Okay. Let's move on to number five. Five.

You know, as our bodies change, No one can really monitor what happened today and what happened yesterday. So you can simply just say, you know, guys, I have developed an allergy to salt. Please do not bring me any more salt. Yeah. And that way you don't have to worry about the past. You're only going forward, you guys. It was so great, but now I have a problem with it and we just can't do it.

And let it go at that. It's simple. And they'll know, don't bring you salts anymore.

Easy.

I do not believe this is your husband's responsibility. You're a decade in this family, and I think quite clearly you can speak for yourself and say, you know, guys, I really want to thank you for your thoughts, but for now on going forward, please don't bring this to me anymore. You're a big girl. I'm not putting this on your husband.

I'm getting an applaud from Morgan for her fiance that they have a meeting of the minds and they agree on this. I really feel at this point in time exactly that she has a mouth. She is a part of the family. She can speak up and she can do this and just say, I'm allergic at this point. I can't go in the past. I only can go forward. He didn't do it in the past. She didn't do it in the past.

Everybody could have done it in the past. But she is the adult here. She's the one that's receiving these gifts. And she had no problem to say, guys, I have an allergy. I can't do it anymore.

I'm with you. He didn't do it. Do I want to go be frustrated with him at this point? I do not. I mean, it's past. You know, if it was a contention for her, she could have easily gone to him and say, this is a problem for me. I don't want to address your family. Can you please do it? And they could have had that conversation.

Then set that standard that it's up to you to go fix my problems.

I hear where you're going with it. My feeling at this point in time, she is 10 years in the family. If she's going to define this with him, define it with him is correct. And that let him handle it. If that's what the relationship is going to be, if she has an issue and she, and, and he doesn't get the message after they had this conversation.

Yes, she can, she can try to go, you know, have a conversation with him. I wanted you to be my backup on this. But, you know, I kind of look at this at this point saying she is a part of this family. She can speak for herself.

I got it. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't feel here, but if he, but I keep going back to the part that in the, in the past, they didn't have this, this dialogue. They didn't have the standard. And if they did, there'd be a different opinion on my point.

And there are going to be people saying, you know, dad, you said that, you know, the mate should be able to handle their own situation and he shouldn't have to do this. But if she wants it, she needs to define it. This is something that I want you to do. Because some of the women that I've been out with and had relationships want to speak for themselves. They don't need me to speak for them.

And I've had it both ways. So, you know, I come from a different place. I come from, you know, of experiences where I know people are very independent and they don't want me to, you know, they want to be able to, if I wanted you to, if I wanted you to speak, I would have asked you to speak. And so you get both sides of this thing.

You know, you only can be you. I'm going to start with that. And, you know, if she's got this hang-up or whatever her gig is, I would ignore it. I wouldn't, you know, give it any mileage because at the end of the day, there's nothing you're going to do that's going to correct her by having a heart-to-heart or a conversation with her.

It is. So, like I said, she can define going forward what she wants. And she could have defined back then what she wanted.

But she invalidated any expectation when she did not go to him and say, this is up to you to take care of for me.

Is it OP's home or the parents' home? Seemingly the parents. Well, I'm glad you get to live with your parents. So do the animals because that's your parents' choice. It's their home. But? If OP is having a problem with this and the arrangement and they don't want to get rid of the dog, OPs can say, I'm out of here. And you guys are on, you guys get to take care of the animals yourself.

I'm not buying into this. You want me to buy into it? Then I'm only buying into one animal.

I think it's just time and for someone really to really accept who you are and whatever their... their own dynamic and their, their, their baggage that's inside of their head. I mean, you know, Justin has a very special part for my life. And, and do I look at him as being a son? Sure. Absolutely. Can he call me dad? I think he still likes calling me Jerry.

The solution is simple. If you're not on the game with me... And take care of my dogs with me. It's part of your rent. It's part of your living here. And if you can't jump in on this, then I'm going to have to make the responsibility of taking care of my animals myself. And I don't want to do that. I want you to be here or I'll get someone else to do it.

I mean, it's really up to these three people to come up with the solution. Where is the obligation? Who's got the obligation? If the parents want this animal and they don't want to maintain the animal, then they could just point blank saying, I am not a part of this. And if you want me to leave, I'll leave. But I'm sorry. It's their home.

And if they want this animal and they don't want to take care of it, then they have a decision to make.

I'm going to be really hard-nosed on this one. If OP does not want to do this, then OP can just point blank saying, I'm not a part of this. And if it causes OP other hardships because of that decision, so be it. OP gets to make these adult decisions what works for OP or not. And if it doesn't work, then you're going to have to jump off the train. if they say jump off the train.

Now, they may say, you know, we're okay with getting rid of one of the animals and, you know, I'm sorry you're making me do this. I mean, this guilt trip shit that's going to go on. But, you know, you're living together. You guys are all going to have to be able to figure this one out to what works for this team. But if it doesn't work for OP... then OP has the ultimate choice what works for you.

And if one animal works and one animal doesn't, then you have to point blank saying, it's not going to work for me and I will accept the repercussions from you guys in respect of that. I'm sorry I'm so hard nose on it.

And you got to hold your line. And be willing to accept whatever repercussions come from it, whatever fallout happens, but it's real. And you have defined your line. They've defined their line. There's no misunderstanding. And families, they got to really do that. That's part of where everyone has problems. Everyone... mushes up the line. Keep the lines defined.

So, you know, it's, or Jer, I mean, he, you know, people have their own thing and I accept whatever it is. And I have, you know, my feelings on where I feel with them in my life. Morgan calls me, I call her daughter. She'll call me up or I'll call her and say, daughter, what you up to? And that's just something that I kind of got into recently. I don't think I did it years ago, more recent.

It's no different than a relationship of any kind. You got to define what your expectations are of one another or what's acceptable and live within those lines so you guys don't continue to piss each other off.

It's a beautiful idea to bring people knowledge. if you have information that will support and that they can look at and be comfortable with whatever their decision is going to be, I say, educate them, show it to them.

And you can show all the facts and just say, you know, guys, here are the facts of everything here. Make your choice. I know I've made my choice. I cannot do this. Bottom line, I have no interest in two puppies.

End of story. How you guys want to help each other get through it is up to you, but I cannot. And it goes back to you. Make sure that you are defined and what your listener is willing to accept or not accept. And it's clear. Listener does not want two puppies. Make your decision, hold your line, and take the repercussions thereof.

We are? Yeah. Everyone, I really want you to look at the hooks behind me because it's missing one article that will be coming. It's been in my car sitting.

So I look at the comments to hear the comments on every read to see what people say.

There we are. So thanks for joining us for this show in this episode. We're going to be in the backyard, I'm sure, very shortly.

Okay. And so we'll see you next week.

I call you kitties, yeah. What are you up to, kitties? I don't even know I do it. Isn't that funny?

So, you know, we, I, again, don't take it any which way, but she in her own way will find her place in your pace. And as you have kids and life, you know, develops more time between you, that connection hopefully gets stronger and that bond gets stronger. And if she's, you know, dysfunctional with that. Yeah.

You can't fix it. It's just don't, don't react. Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Man, I hear you. And who knows what this woman will be with that daughter-in-law in six months. She might be, you know, call me miss, forget Mrs. F, call me Mrs. Finkelstein. I mean, she may make her spell it out. You just don't know, but you can't let the dynamic affect you. Be you. Simple and sweet. Be who you are. And don't let this change you from who you are. That's all I can really say.

What am I bringing here?

You know those words, what's up?

Oh, the shoehorn. The extendable shoehorn, guys, it is a magical thing. And retractable. It is. It's the best. And for some reason, I keep leaving it in the car. But it's got a little screw thing that you can put a hook on it and it will go perfect right on that. And so they'll see my shoehorn. Because I live by them.

Justin, I totally agree with you. I think that at one point, if it persists and it really becomes a stick alarm, you can certainly get her in a corner and just say, can you explain to me We've been family now for four years or five years. Can you tell me what your issue is? Because obviously I don't want you to have an issue. I would like to be able to clear this up.

Well, you know, take one, but we only do really one take.

So please explain to me whatever I did that pissed you off that you have this behavior with me.

Well, it's a different time than what we had back. I mean, the way children are raised today and what they're taught with manners today compared when I was seven and eight, it's different today. We were really trained early on that you call them Mr. Smith, Mrs. Smith. You didn't say this or that. And it was disrespectful to do otherwise.

I never go to Morgan and say, you must call them Mr. Olson or Mrs. Olson. You know, that's Billy.

It's just things change. And that was my fault. I mean, was I wrong to say, hey, feel welcome to call Billy, Billy, rather than Mr. Olson? Yeah. You know, it was, you know, Billy is, you know, to me it wasn't as formal and it was sweeter and brought people closer.

And I look back at the time of the people that were in my life when I was growing up that became not blood uncles, but became uncles because of family. And so rather than calling Bob Weinberg, Mr. Weinberg, I called him Uncle Bob. Or whatever it was. We had uncles. Because that was the respect level. That we love you that much that you're part of our family.

So you're just going to have to really just have the conversation. If it really persists and you really feel that she doesn't like you and she's just being disrespectful to you, you really have to then say, what did I do that pissed you off? That causes you to have such hostility, which I feel. And I don't want to feel that. And I'd like to fix it.

Everywhere I go now, I've been buying shoe horns and leaving them like little fairy dust. Is there one at our house? I left one at your house. It's in the drawer. It's perfect. Because when you walk in your home, the first thing you really should do is take off your shoes. You shouldn't track all the germs and everything that you get on the street into your home.

And when you hit somebody with that, they may be knocked off guard enough that they might, you know, come clean. Yeah.

You know, when a couple lives together, they're supposed to be partners. And the fact that you're taking on this role that you feel like you're nagging him like his mother, that is a sign that he better wake up to. Because let me tell you, it's going to start deteriorating your relationship. And you need to let him clearly know that, you know, the two of you are the solution to this home. And...

Granted, he's going to school to learn, but that doesn't mean that when he gets home that our day is done and you're in the chair playing video games. We need to survive. We need to eat. We need to get rid of these bills. We have an obligation to one another. We have a long life ahead of us. And this isn't the answer.

I mean, you can certainly find the time to have your relaxation and I'm not going to take away some relaxation time, but it's not during prime daytime when you need to go be a solution to our problem. I'm trying to be a solution to our problem, but I can't carry both of us the way it is. And I need you to help.

And I hope that you'll see the sense of this and rise to the occasion because it's going to affect my feelings.

I mean, that is the number one place.

It does.

And that fracture will be the size of the Grand Canyon.

With every but, there's a crack.

And the theme is?

Okay.

Yeah, especially if you're going to want to start growing and have a house, have a family. You're going to need to take this time and arm yourself with your weapon. And what is your weapon? Your mind, your job, your experience, and the ability to go out and produce.

Well, hi, everybody, and welcome to this week's, I think this is going to be one of the holiday episodes because I am Dasher Dad, the reindeer.

Like we've all said. Define what you want for your lifestyle.

And live it. That's it.

Number three. See my paw? It's my reindeer paw.

I thought you'd like that. That's great.

I don't have a red nose. I have a red nose.

The abuser themselves are the ones that sign the ability of the person they abuse to go say whatever they want. Yeah. No matter if they like it or not. So this is real. And this person doesn't have to live in that trauma. And he doesn't have to live in that fear. He could certainly come clean and say, you did this. He can go to his parents, say, he did this.

What you guys want to do with it is your business, but I'm not going to come around it. I don't want to feel uncomfortable anymore. I don't want to be haunted by the memory of what happened. And you guys can tell me what you're going to do. Are we going to not, are you going to ask him not to come?

The victim has the ability of making the determination to state what he wants within that family for him to come around. Yeah. And identify those rules.

This is all his choice, not your choice.

Okay. You ready for the problem? There's other kids. This guy did it to this guy when he was a kid. There's a problem.

And this family has a right. And maybe if you talk to your guy and say, there could be a potential where he can hurt somebody else.

I had a cousin that was abused. He talked about it when he was 50 years old. I mean, he waited years and years and years.

Okay. We're rolling on to number four.

Rolling to number four.

I think you explained it quite clearly right here. This is what it's going to be. And we're going to, and we've been, are they stopping this year or they're going to go one more year? They're stopping this year. So I'd be interested in knowing if they actually told their family, you know, a year ago that this is going to change.