Jerry
Appearances
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
And I mean, as a partner, you certainly want to share your thought, but you certainly can't hold them hostage if they don't listen to your advice.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
Yeah. Leave all the ick behind. Yeah. Don't bring the ick with you.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
No. So my new year's resolution is go on, go forward, and get rid of the ick.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
Well, it sounds like you really do want to take a time out away from this and let him figure it out. And you definitely want to have support because if you're going to be single, you want to be backed by your parents. That's what I'm reading.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
I think it's time you go home. I don't even think this is a question. He definitely has got some issues going on in his head. And his priority right now is not his relationship with you. And so I think just for your own dignity and self-respect, go be your own person. Yeah. And let him figure out what it is where you're not around. And either he straightens himself out
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
gets help, comes back, and is able to make it work with you, or he doesn't. And either way, you win. You're not going to win sticking in the situation the way it is and enabling the behavior and saying it's okay to flirt because all that does is when you fight, even though you haven't left, you're still telling him it's okay.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
This is, this is, this needs to, you need to go be away from it and, and on your own. I mean, and I'm saying, even if you're going home to your parents and you're living in that environment, you're still away from this and you will be healthier. Got to get healthy. Yourself, you got to get healthy. Healthy does not stand for this.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
Morgan, she knows the answer. That's why she wrote this. You already know the answer. You know what to do. You don't even have to ask us.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
It is. You know, it's very hard. This is the most important thing that you can do right now. This is your only option.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
Go home and let them wake up. You deserve better. If it wakes up and he's able to come back and be the man that you really want, great. And if he can't, then it's easy. You're already home. Go move on. You guys say we're done.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
And fuel costs. And wear and tear in your car. And tires.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
I think so. I think you should really sit down with them and say, this is where I work. I think that with all this which is going on, I think it is time that I move out. and I hope I can have it with your support and your blessing.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
I know that there are things I do around this place, but living that I'm going to be an hour away, obviously things are going to have to change, and you guys are going to have to figure out how to take your children, your children, to school, how you're going to pick up your children. Because I'm now... I'm working. I have a job. I have my own responsibilities. And I think that's what you do.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
I think it's the healthiest thing to take that, that, that leap and go start living on your own and get a roommate or whatever it might be in that part of town and give it a shot.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
I'm always, I'm so glad I was able to help with the house and the family with your children. But my siblings, your children, it's a different responsibility level.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
I really do think that though, some counseling right now for yourself because of the other experiences that you had and share that with, with someone that could, you know, give you some good insights and help you with that. Wouldn't be bad. It wouldn't, it certainly wouldn't hurt you.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
It would only help and try to give you a little better security, sense of security with the relationship on how you're picking this person versus the other people that you picked. I would read the comments also that people are going to kick in on this one.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
Well, I think that's it for our show, Miss Morgan.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
Whoa, guys. Wow. She's got number six. Let's stop me in the track.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
Trying to understand how come she doesn't want, why she's not invited to any of her siblings.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
I thought that actually she had developed some major fever somehow that got her warm, but-
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
Okay. Number seven. It is the last one of the year.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
They wrote themselves out. They disconnected. They pulled the plug. They're done. You owe them nothing.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
There you go. Bye. New Year's resolution. We're rolling up. We're going forward. Getting rid of all the negativity. What are we getting rid of? The yuck.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
I'm done with this one. These guys are bad news. Yuck.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
Well, we also don't, one thing is we'll see what happens in 2025. If they try to reclaim themselves, that could, they could certainly become, they can, they can return to haunt the nest.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
So you guys wrote yourself off. I wasn't going to interrupt your decision. I was respecting you.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
This isn't worth it. It's already closed. It's closed.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
All good new stuff, positive stuff. Get rid of the ick.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
So out of the five siblings, there are really not going to be options for her. She feels more uncomfortable going there.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
This is it. Hi, everyone. Check out the new set. So apparently she took my propeller. She hung it on the wall. I can't do the thing.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
Yeah, and bring gifts for the niece and nephews.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
I mean, it's connecting and being with family.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
And I imagine she doesn't have any friends because she's not mentioned any friends even to go over.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
It's Christmas. I cannot imagine if you have anyone that's special in your life or friend that would say not to come over if you said, gee, can I join you for Christmas? I have nowhere to go. That they would say, my God, it's Christmas. Of course you want to.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
I mean, I can't imagine anyone not saying that.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
We had a lot of fun. It's been fun. We, we really thank all of you for coming to the shows and the ones that, uh, only listened to dad on podcasts that you recognize my voice. That was really kind of a mind blow for me. And I enjoyed that. And I love meeting everybody and the ones of you that recognize me because you do watch the YouTube. Thank you again for saying hi. It was wonderful.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
I mean. I mean, my God, go to Christmas church. They're going to have a whole service. They're going to be people with fellowship. There's going to be cookies and stuff afterwards. I cannot imagine not to go start something where you're going to find community.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
I mean, there's going to be some amazing stuff out there. I just can't imagine there's not.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
Go join a group of people that are going out doing caroling.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
It could be a lot of fun. Even if you can't sing, go do it.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
Hospitals are big. But they might do a lot of vetting. So you have to probably go early and look into it.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
Go to Google. I'm saying Google will have it.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
You guys warned my heart this year and I thank you all for being a part of the family.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
And the only thing that I would tell your husband, because I was that uncle as well,
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
Well, that's not what I did. I mean, what I really would do to Taylor to control Taylor or Jonathan is I would grab their ear.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
There are certain maneuvers that you can do to someone's arm or finger or ear to control them without hurting them to be catastrophic. But to make them get the message, it's time to stop.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
Well, that was my trick. My trick is there's certain little, there's certain little things that you can, can do that. You can say, this is, you got to chill it out a little bit and, You apply a little pressure and they stop very quickly. I mean, Taylor is 5'11". He's a tall kid. He's a tall kid. And let me tell you, I'm 5'5 now. He still eggs you on. And, but I could, I still control him.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
I still do these a little bit. And it's not that he really couldn't kill me if he wanted to, but the thing is that, you know, he, you know, when, when you go to that, that, that little maneuver, he knows it. And he's like,
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
I think in any relationship... You have to support. Don't tell them what to do. You can certainly offer an opinion what your thought is, but you must say you must do what you feel you have to do and support whatever they're going to do and be there for them. You do. You have to do that. Because one of the reasons why you love them is because they have their own way of thinking.
Father Knows Something
151: Father Knows: Goodbye Ick..
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Start your year and... Go for a living life.
Father Knows Something
168: Father Knows: On The Right Track?
Okay. That's number five. Are we going to have a six?
Father Knows Something
168: Father Knows: On The Right Track?
We don't want to hurt anybody's feelings.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Everyone, welcome back to FKS, Father Knows Something, with Justin tonight. Back in the new year of 2025, we have had rest. Well, I've had rest. I had a great Christmas season. You guys took off. You went to Minnesota.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Bullshit. That was not allowed in our home. We are a family. And that's just the way it is.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
You can't control ex-wife. She's got her own alcohol problems, obviously. She's got other shit going on. And what will happen with the kids is the kids figure it out. You don't even have to point it out to them. They are much more aware than you will ever be. Now, you're an only child.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
I do know that you have a person in your life who's like your sister, your cousin. Yes. And you guys have that real special connection. Now, you've came into our family and you see me with three kids. And I don't think you see us any different than full brother and sister, full kids. And that's just the way it is. And yeah, my kids have other biological parents.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And some of my kids have those relationships with them and some of them don't. But I never was the one to get involved and point things out and try to go overboard with them. I know that Matthew's father, I have zero relationship with. Morgan's dad, I have zero relationship with. And Taylor's dad, I have a relationship with. When we see each other, we respect each other as parents.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
We don't try to compete. I know that he has his relationship. I respect their relationship. I've always been happy about the relationship and happy with my own relationship with my son. So it's not this tug of war, who's my son going to love more? It's simply be mature. Don't involve yourself in this race for space. It's just not worth it.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
I find that it's a losing proposition for everybody when they get involved in these battles between these spouses. I have witnessed it with other relationships that I've had that, I mean, we didn't work out for whatever reasons. Then I watched them go on with their lives and they meet people with kids or they did this. and they've never had children before.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And they, you know, there's a lot of dynamic that could be negative and there could be battling because the mother on the other side, you know, behaves this way with the husband. And all of a sudden, you know, the new woman becomes the protector of the husband from the old woman, you know, let him protect himself. Don't, you try to put yourself in the middle of all that.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Yeah. He's going to have to deal with his own dynamic with his ex. And the more you stick yourself in the middle of all that, it gets like quicksand. It gets mucky. Yeah. It just pulls you down. Yeah. So I would stay far away from that behavior and, you know, let him battle it. He's the one that married her and he got a divorce.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And if you could at all just say, you know something, honey, I love you, but I'm going to stay out of that dynamic and you just deal with the way you can. it will probably be better for you and your relationship. Yeah. All right. Can we roll on to number three? Number three. Here we are. Number three.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
You know what the best thing about a ring is? What? The best thing about a ring and jewels, stones and gold or silver or platinum, the metal all melts. You can make that metal any shape you want. The stones all pop out. You can redefine how you want to use them and which ones you want to use any which way you can. Before or after you find the ring.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Because if he never finds the ring, is he going to wait till you're 96 years old before this ring that has somehow disappeared? Maybe it's on grandma's finger still. We don't know where it is. But if it does show up, we can always add or change or do something with your ring.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
So you could say, you know, honey, I get the importance of grandma's ring, but it doesn't have to be in the configuration that grandma had it. We can take stones from that ring, add it into a different piece of jewel or a different piece of gold or silver or platinum, whatever it was made from. Or we can take that metal, if we find it, melt it down, and we can do something with it.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
I'm not ever going to say we shouldn't have grandma's ring and material and stones, but we'll implement it into another piece of jewelry if we can't find it.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Or we can add a stone into this other piece. We'll leave a little pocket that we can literally lift one stone out and we can put something else in to tie it all together.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
That's the compromise. We're not waiting to find grandma's ring. We can move on and go move right now and do something that we want to do. But if we find grandma's ring, we'll implement it. You don't have to worry, honey. I would love that. Yeah.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Just remember again, gold melts. And once you design your ring, they can take that gold and pour it into that wax. And you can have grandma's gold or grandma's silver or their part of it. And you can pull, if not all the stones, one stone or a certain part to tie it in. It's definitely an option. I have done this. And it has really worked well by just taking a stone.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
I had a bracelet that was my dad's mom's and it had diamonds on it. And I took the diamonds out of her ring and I put it in there. Yeah. And it was nice that I had my grandmother's stones in this belt buckle diamond bracelet I used to have. I lost it. It was too bad because the sad part was I lost grandma's stones. Yeah, that's tough. That's why jewelry is tough.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
I looked, the evening, the eve of New Year's, I looked down at my phone in the morning and I said... Where is Justin and Morgan spending their New Year's Eve? And I looked in Minneapolis, couldn't find him. Went up to Duluth, couldn't find him. Cause we have, you know, find my friend. And then all of a sudden I just decided to press on the, on the word Morgan.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
You know, jewelry is tough, but you can always make it... Your piece, where part of it came from the roots, no different than part of him came from grandma.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Right. And I said that if you can't find the ring, go get a ring. And if you find it, we can add it to the other ring. We can make modifications later. That's what jewelers do.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Pull the trigger, go get that sucker in his pocket and let's make it happen.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And if it doesn't happen, then you can move on. If he really wants to marry you, he'll knock it out. Yeah. Go get it done. Yeah. Okay. We're going to move on. Number four. Number four. Let's go.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Well, I think you have to really decide if you want to really get healed first and then... see what happens going along. You may, maybe you take your, your, your child and you move and you can see if you can really go on with your life. And I mean, you're obviously in an environment in a town that's small enough that you guys keep circling back and circling back.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And if that's what you want to do and you want to have a life with this guy, but it sounds like there are things that disturb you that you don't. And, you know, you're together every two years. You guys kind of get back together. It sounds like he has a child. Next thing I know is he's, you guys, you know, he breaks up. I don't know if these are with different women, the same woman. No concept.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
We don't know. But if you really want to be free and you don't want to keep having this thing bump you in front of you, then maybe you just need to move out of the area.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And go somewhere different and get a fresh start. I mean, you're young enough for a fresh start. Yeah. You're in a perfect place for it.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Yeah, but you're talking big fresh start. You're talking... Well, either way, if she's looking at a different person, it's a fresh start. Yeah, right.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
I did. I mean, I had a thing with Morgan's mom. We kept going back in circles and- You know, couldn't break it. Couldn't break away the pattern. And I finally just said, you know, we're, we're not succeeding. We're crossing boundaries. And if I can't, if we can't live within our boundaries of going on with our lives, then I need to make a bigger boundary.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And I said, it's going to be an 1800 mile boundary.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Yep. Sounds like moving. If you can't do it while you're in the same town, you're going to have to pick it up and leave.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
That's on you. That's on you. You have to be, in order for you to be successful in a relationship, you have to be good by yourself. Yeah.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
You have to be solid. You have to be your own confidence. You can't have that insecurity. You can't be worried if you're going to have someone at home that night with you. You've got to be able to look the fact that that person makes life fun. But you can also have fun without them as well. You have other things going on. It's nice to have somebody to be a part of your life.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
But most of my nights are by myself. And I'm totally fine with it. I find things to do. And if I find someone that means something, that wants to spend time with me and I want to spend time with them, all the better.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
I mean, I broke up with Amy, you know, 11 months, you know, 10 months ago in that area. And for eight months, I didn't go out with anybody. I just stayed away and worked, worked on my work, worked on the, on the podcast with you guys. Yeah.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Did my own, you know, went home, cooked my own dinners, did everything, cleaned up my house.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
You know, there were things that I just did that had involved nobody else until I knew that everything was really in the past for me.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
So he's saying that she wants him to be 100% perfect. Well, I mean, he should be listening to our conversation because he himself should want to be 100% perfect. Strive to be. At least try. You know, I do know that there was a two and a half men episode where Charlie was certainly saying that, you know, he just, you know, doesn't pay attention.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
that I wasn't just rebounding to put someone in my life just because I wanted someone in my life. That when I finally get someone in my life, they will be in my life because they are that special person.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
No, I definitely, I will let you guys know that being healthy is the best way to go forward. It really is. Make yourself that you are comfortable within yourself, that you don't need anybody in your life. Doesn't mean you don't want someone to be a part of your life, but you don't have to have it to function.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And you will be stronger. You'll have a healthier relationship with the next person. Yeah. And they'll appreciate it. The next person will, because they're not going to have to deal with any of your muck. And that's the last thing you want someone to have to go deal with is muck. Get rid of all the muck. Then start. Yeah. Okay. We're going to move on to number five.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Oh, wait a minute. Hold on, kids. For you that never saw the buckle up, that means that he's got a big story and we got to be, this is like going on a rocket launch or in a race car when the car leaves the pavement and it goes airborne that we.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Wow. I'm locked. You're not going anywhere. I'm not going over. Let's catch some air on this thing.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And she was saying, Charlie, you don't pay attention. He goes, but I'm trying to pay attention. And, you know, she would be, you know, you know, describing this thing that she needs. And he was like speaking in a whole different language in his brain. And he was just totally, you know, disconnected.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Did he have a relationship with the little sister before he had a relationship with her?
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And was he having this only fan relationship with the little sister before he dated her? Or is it why he's dating her? Because I'm uncertain about a lot of this stuff. Well, there's a lot of pieces missing.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
It's all slime. And blackmailing him. Yeah, the whole thing is slime. I mean, bottom line is if I'm dating somebody and I'm in a relationship, she knows what I'm up to, period. If I'm into kink and I'm into looking at other naked women, I'm going to tell her point blank. I'm into other naked women, and if you're okay with that, great.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
But otherwise, the guy's sliming behind the back, and he's not to be trusted. So I'm not into this whole relationship in the first place. I mean, I got issues all over the place. There's flags every which way. And the fact that you're writing us, your flags are waving tall.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
So I think you should just trust your own judgment and go with your own feelings. This doesn't work for me. And get rid of all of them.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Or he, he bought into it. He's opening the shit. Right. He's looking, he didn't come to her and say, look, your little sister sending me this shit. Can you call her up and tell her to cut? I mean, I've tried to tell him to shut the fuck up. They're trying to blackmail me. Why don't you call him and say, don't try to blackmail, but quit sending him the shit. He's not interested. Right. Right.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
I don't know if that's typical of guys. I, I certainly, I really do try to listen. I really do try to digest and be able to spit back what my partner wants. And, you know, my short-term memory is not as good as it used to be as we, as I'm aging. But, you know, maybe my And I can't tell you if I was perfect.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Right. That that's the common sense thing here. So the fact that he didn't go to her for the assist.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
So I believe he is guilty. He is looking at the crap. Either way. And he's looking at other shit. Yeah. Go look at his credit card. You said that he pays for it? It's for pay?
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Apparently. Sounds that way to me. The whole thing sounds that the guy's guilty, period. I'm going to go back to our first, I'm going to go back to a conversation of years ago. It has nothing to do with this. It has to do with my brother-in-law who was a detective. Okay. He was a retired cop. He became a detective. People would come to him and say, follow my wife. Yes. Follow my husband.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And he says, no. And they go, what do you mean no? We want to pay you. And he goes, if you think they're doing it, they probably are. Don't give me your money. I'm not interested in it. So go back to your judgment. Go back to your radar. If your radar is telling you something's fucked up here, Go find someone that you're not going to have your radar triggering all over the place with this slime.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
This whole conversation is nothing but dysfunction, every which way but loose. Unless you guys are all into that stuff and you say, right on board, I'd like to go check out your sister. I think it's the most twisted fucking thing that I'd ever heard. But if you guys are into it and everyone agrees to it. They're not, though. She's saying that's a big line, right? Right.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
So my answer is get rid of it. Dump DDD. It's all bullshit.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
The guy that you're with apparently was being blackmailed. He got himself in that blackmail situation somehow.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Well, he didn't come clean to you in the beginning. Right. There's the problem.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And that's a problem. I got a better question. Let's, let's, Are you okay, in your own mind, ask yourself this. I am okay that he is going to this site and he's checking out naked women for pay. I'm cool with it. If you are cool with it, hey, great. If you are not cool with that, then he's been doing it anyways. Dump the dude and go find yourself a guy that's not doing that shit.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
How do I respond? No, how does she respond is what I'm saying. She responds by just saying, my sister is not acceptable. There's a boundary. We end it there. And if you want to go... I mean, I'm having a tough time just... on the whole fucking thing.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
I do know that it is a stride that I try to do to be much better in the moment to listen to what my partner is saying, what they want.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Yeah, you're definitely. And it's holding me in. I mean, there are people out there. I mean, if you're okay with him looking at other women and doing all this shit, you're fine with it. Then he should be able to be open with you point blank with the whole thing. And if you want to go give it a shot under those rules, go knock yourself out. Give it the shot. End of story.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
But, but I don't want to hear anything more about the sister. If you find it, then he's done.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Personally, I think that you can find people today that will be more attentive to want to give their love and lust to you than to images that are online and take good money that he could be buying you flowers and doing things for you and building your home and building your family than fucking wasting it doing this other crap. But that's up to you.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
That's it. Now, I have another question for people to write in and let us know. Sure. Why you were gone. I said, you know, I'm going to be doing some traveling in the next few months. And do we want to do a Father Knows show or something with Father Knows for people that are out there? And you guys got back to me and you said, you know, maybe we just let them know that I'm going to be in a town.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And if anybody wants to stop in, we can meet somewhere and then you guys can have a personal visit. And I'll be there available to talk to you guys in person. Father Knows Meetup. Father knows meetup. So father's going to be going probably to the East coast, I believe either Connecticut and or New York.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And father is also going to be in Atlanta, Georgia.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
So the question is if I'm just trying to get an idea, how many of you are out there would want to want to, you know, plan on coming down, hanging out one evening and So I have an idea of how big of a venue that I need to be at far as a bar or a restaurant or a place that we can actually meet and talk and get to know one another. Yeah. Okay. I'm not looking for cost.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And that's something that has to come from within him. So I would let them certainly know that this is a problem and it's frustrating and it might be a deal breaker for you. And I'm not threatening, but I'm letting you know that I find such frustration in it that if you can't really try to do better or make some notes, everyone carries these wonderful little phones.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
We're not going to charge for this. We're just really want to see how many people are really going to be around. So I have an idea. Yeah. So those are the two cities be there in New York or just right outside Hartford, Connecticut. And or there'll be Atlanta, Georgia for sure. Okay. I know I'm going to be down in Atlanta. So let us know. And there you go.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
So that's it for this night's show. We love you guys and we'll see you next week.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And they're quite interesting. And I know that when Morgan says, dad, can you pick this up? Can you do that? And I'll say, Morgan, text me. Because I know that I'm going to forget it. I know that as much as I heard her say she wants to have popcorn and she wants to have towels and she wants this and that. I know I'm going to get there.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
You know, you shouldn't have to do that. I get that. But, you know, he's obviously is not paying attention. And this is an important thing for her. And maybe she needs to go. And maybe this is unfair to say, but in the stuff that is marked for other people, she should actually make a note. Dave, do not eat these. Yours is in the Ziploc bag. Yeah.
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152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And it says they're in like fricking Amsterdam. It was like WTF. What are they doing there? Yeah. I hope everyone had a great New Year's. I know that some of our viewers were hitting me up and I was texting them rack and it was all kinds of fun. We had a week off. Yeah. A rare week off. And other than that, you want to kick it off? What's our theme tonight?
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And then I finally learned, do not touch Morgan's shit.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And she's got to really decide this before she has that conversation. Is she willing to go part with this relationship, with this character flaw with this guy?
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Because the problem probably is that he might fix it for the short term. But it's like a disease that will just keep coming back. It's not like you can inoculate the guy. It's part of his character. Or she's going to have to find a better way to communicate to make sure that this stuff doesn't happen. Yeah. Knowing what you're dealing with.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Maybe you are defining so many honey do's for him that he's starting to turn a deaf ear to it. And you might have to find a way and recognize what you're doing, how you're doing it, so he doesn't just tune you out. You don't want to be tuned out in a relationship. You want to be definitely part of their tune in.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Maybe it's when you approach him, rather than just say it in the kitchen calmly as a passing thing, he'll say, can we sit down a second? And when you sit down, you'll say, this is important to me. I made these, I have this for you. And that way that you actually were able to say, this is important to me. Yeah.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And then when he fails, you can say, why would you want to hurt me when I told you this is important to me? Yeah.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And I w I would definitely try that because they have a different response. I mean, I remember going to people, you know, friends shops and they would, I'd say, Hey, can I use your shop? Can I go do this? And the guy said, sure.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And I would go there and make a mess and I wouldn't, you know, I might clean it up a little bit, but I went to my friend Elliot's shop one time and I didn't clean it up the, apparently the way that he cleaned it. And he came to me and he says, Jerry, can I ask you a question? And I said, sure. And he goes, why do you want to hurt me? Really? No joke. And I said, I don't understand.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
He says, well, you asked me if you can cut that stuff and use the saw and you did, but you left a mess. And then I had to go take my time. And I spent a half hour sweeping up and cleaning it all up. And I just want to know, why do you want to hurt me when I extend it to you? And I said, whoa.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
It's 25 years later and it's still right on top of my brain when I think of Elliot.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And I never went in that shop again. It did not really immaculately clean it up. Even if it was messy before I got there.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
That thing was spotless when I left. Yeah. So it's all the way you deliver the message sometimes that really makes that impact on that individual.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Let us know what you did and let us know how it worked.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And if anybody else has great suggestions for them, lay it out because everyone reads these things. That's right. Okay, we're going to move to number two. Number two.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Well, I've been in all these situations. Perfect. And I will tell you that your role is simply to be there for your lover, your boyfriend, no matter if he becomes a husband or not. And you're also there to be there as an adult or someone for that child. It doesn't mean you have to be, say, I'm your step-mommy.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Because the kids on their own find out what they're going to call you and what that relationship is. When I met Matthew, he was five. Morgan wasn't born yet. Morgan came three years later. And Morgan didn't come from me, as everyone knows. But that doesn't mean that if you're a new listener that you didn't know that. I was there for pregnancy. I was there after birth.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And then she said, what are you going to do if Morgan started calling you dad? And I said, I will be Morgan's dad as long as Morgan wants me as her dad. And I'm Matthew's male figure in whatever way he wants to have me fit into his life that way. I'm not pushing anything on him. And it was more difficult because he was already, you know, had a male figure in his life.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And that was in his mind, it was, you know, betraying the other male figure. So he didn't know how to digest it all.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
Which means it took a lot of patience. But now you're an adult. You're in a relationship as an adult relationship with somebody. So you have to really be patient and realize that the kids are innocent. And the fact that if you guys get married or you have babies, it won't be as first, doesn't matter. Every child is individual. They're all different.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And you're going to have your own relationship with these kids as they get their own personality and they interact with you. The fact that you're there when he's two, you're perfect. There's no issue here. Yeah. Just be you. Be there. Be loving. Be supportive. Be engaged. And it's not about who can discipline the child. Some of these people get this thing. It's who disciplines the child.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
It's really who engages with the child, who brings love and who brings understanding and shares and has fun with them. That's what being a parent is and teaching. It's all of the above, everything listed but not limited to what's listed. It could be every aspect.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
When that child is sick and has a sniffle or doesn't feel well and she says, I don't feel well, and you're there to help make sure that there's chicken soup or you're making sure that she's warm or he's warm and you're making sure that there's things going on. That's being a parent. That's been an adult impact in all those children's lives, if it's the first one, the second one, the third one.
Father Knows Something
152: Father Knows: Dating to Marry..
And biological connection is really not part of it. That's something that people put out. Everyone else puts on board. I never did. I have three children. They're all from different biological fathers and they're all my kids. And far as I'm concerned, they're not a half brother or a half sister. They are brother and sister in the story. I don't want to hear about half brother, half this or that.
Father Knows Something
148: Father Knows.. Romance
Do you always have this weird... What's wrong with you?
Father Knows Something
166: Father Knows: Wedding Season..
That's what I was getting. Yeah, liquid. I haven't heard liquid before.
Father Knows Something
159: Father Knows: Thank You.. NEXT!
Sure. Whatever your Ark is. Yeah, go for the Ark.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
A quick story. I had a neighbor, a friend of mine, and he was seeing a woman. They kept breaking up. They kept getting back together. They finally got married, only to really break up permanently. It took the marriage to get the message across that this is not what they wanted. So it was two months after they got married that they finally divorced, and that was the real end of it.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Don't overthink it. It's like taking a test.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Don't push it until you have to get to that part.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
I mean, if you see issues of disrespect right off the bat, just think higher of yourself to move on to that there's someone out there that's really going to respect you and really love you and never abuse you. This is abuse. It's clear and simple.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
I had to delete all the pictures I was sending them from traders as I was going to bring them food.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
It was appreciated. Let's kick it off. Hi, everybody, again. Welcome to the show.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
The job that you have, you're getting great experience. And to say, get rid of that job rather than get some of the experience, it's an opportunity to get some experience because when you go to the next step, whatever that, even it's going to be a different level or a different area in life. that the experience you're gaining here is opportunity for you.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
And when you move on to something else, I don't know if they'll necessarily be mad at you because you've gone somewhere or disappoint somebody. They're going to see that you've gone somewhere, that you're going to actually flourish, and they're going to be proud. They help lay the groundwork for you to grow. to go find that area. It's okay that you go to a job that pays less if you really love it.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
And if you grow with it, it's fantastic. So you don't have to drop out today. Do what you were hired to do unless you really feel that you need to go and leave now. And if you have to leave now to go do it, you do it.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Isn't it amazing how a little extra words changes the whole direction here?
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
That last context, absolutely flip that switch automatically. You're unfulfilled. It's time to move on. It's time to go find what you're going to want to grow with and not lose any inspiration. See, we didn't know that before.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
You know, when I used to hire people and I'd get them through a job, you know, placement service, it was a one-year contract. I had to keep them for one year. After that year, they can do whatever they want. Yeah.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Look, the fact that you serve the one year, we're all saying the same thing. Take your direction. Let's see where this path takes you. End of story. It's perfect right on theme. Don't overthink.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
I don't think it's an issue. I think you just exit and go find your next path. You'll find it. Everyone has to bump into a few walls before you find the doors.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Put it out by your front door. Tell them that tomorrow at 9 o'clock, I'm putting it at my front door. It's yours to pick up at 9 o'clock from that point on. If it's gone, not my problem. I want to know what's in the box. I don't give a shit what's in the box.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
I don't care if it's a box of diamonds and box of gold. Open the box.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
My answer is, I send him another email.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Tomorrow... Text message, nine o'clock in the morning. It's out by my front door. Come grab it or whatever happens. I don't give a shit. It's gone.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Return to sender. Address unknown. You know that one? No. Elvis Presley. No such number. No such number. I don't know the words. Just go home. It's Elvis.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
I don't even want to know what's in it.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Yes. You want him to send it to you? Yeah. Well, no, I just want him to send it. Contact Morgan to get it?
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Get A out of your system. Go for it. Put all into it. Go all forward and see what happens. And you may find out once you're together that you're able to walk away with a clear conscience. You have to be able to be healed to go on.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
And since this guy is not getting out of your head, even though you're separated, you're back together, separated, back together. You just have to truly give it everything you have and then either go forward and go with the gusto or it will terminate and you'll be able to go on with your life with a clear conscience, with finding the right person.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
And I've been here. I've been here. So you definitely will find out one way or the other where this thing goes. Yeah. And take the shot. Go for it.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
And I was actually wondering why is he even saying this?
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Yeah. If he doesn't come together with you, cut the hook and go on with your life.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Agreed. Okay. Agree? Yeah. Yes. We all three agree? Yes. There you go.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
You guys may not like this one. I think that I believe that everything should kind of happen organically. And if he is not meeting to your needs of timing, you can be very honest with him and say, look, you know, our schedules are kind of off unless we can make it a priority both ways of our on both sides of us to to be together and spend time. I'm going to continue dating.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
And I'm going to be honest with you. I'm going to keep that door open. And if we make it, and then you were able to find time for one another and get to know each other better. Great. But I don't think you need to give him any kind of permanency or, or, or commitment other than saying, when we can get together, we're going to get together and keep your door open.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Hi, everybody. Welcome to this crazy episode of Father Knows Something. As you notice, that Pedro is not with us this evening, but he does want to come back.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
What do you think is going to happen when she says to him, you know something, I really enjoy the time we had together and I do like you, but because of this inconsistency, I'm definitely going to keep my door open. I want to be honest with you about it. I'm not going to tell you anything different. And how do you think his behavior is going to change?
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Do you think he's going to say bye or you think he's going to really wake up and say, if there's a chance here for this woman, I better step it up.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
If he's not, then she needs to do that.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
I'm actually saying it to be realistic. And you should. Yeah, you should. I mean, otherwise, because she said, I've removed myself from Hinge.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
My answer is I'm back on hinge. And if we are able to pull this up and develop and remember, this is the foundation period of this relationship.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Well, you want to get over that fear? Goes for my sharks. You'll have a whole new fear. In reality, a lot of people have fear of driving. But people in the Uber world really grew up saying, I don't have to drive. And they were very comfortable doing the ability of using Uber and other options. That all said, you know, you're a few years away of the driverless car.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
And we're having a problem already in the foundation.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Maybe he works, you know. Put it this way. If somebody wants to spend time with somebody. They'll find a way. They're going to find the time. And if he's not finding the time, he doesn't deserve to have that seat at the table.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
That is. Keep going. We all agree on this one?
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
You agree? Yes. I agree. Judgment in.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
We do. Let's make rock and roll. Number seven.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
I think if you're going to go on the apps or when you meet somebody new, you say, look, I am here today. I have a job that might be here for a year and a half. If we are going to spend time together, don't enter into this unless you are really prepared that you know that I could end up moving away in a year and a half and you're willing to move to if we succeed.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
If you are locked into living here the rest of your life, let's not go any further. And that way, at least you've been very upfront. This is the challenge of what may happen. And you take that fear right out of it from the beginning, that if this person realizes that you guys may make it and you may have to move, people do relocate themselves in relationships. All the time. And it works. It does.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
But if you're upfront about it, at least we know. There are times where I've been in relationships that I've We said, I will never move. I'll always be here. But the bottom line is you never know what's gonna happen in the future. And if you're with the right person, home is where your heart is.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
I think that if you actually disclose it right from the beginning, I think that is right because it's honesty and you've put it on that table. You've laid it out. And later on, they might say, you know, you're just not the person I wanted to do this with.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
They're out there today and they're producing them. Really, the cars will be totally autonomous. Depends where you live because of snow. But to get through what you're really talking about,
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Well, I can rebut that by just saying my biggest fear that I have in a relationship is that something may happen in the future where I want to move. And if that's going to be something that you'll never want to do, let's not go any further because all of a sudden you've opened that door to like that person. And now you got to go face it in the next date and you're already excited about it.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
I may not know where I want to move to because- And it doesn't sound like they do. And so that's what, but I still say, are you locked in living with the rest of your life right here with mom and dad and brother and sister, or are you going to be open?
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Maybe you can, at best, because you're now a team, maybe she'll be able to go, you guys can go out to a very rural area where you cannot feel the constraints of traffic yet, where you can get at least used to the ability of how the car controls itself. And you'll feel that road.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
But it's a concern of hers right now.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Also, you find good people in the Midwest. Right. But today, I already know that I want to... If you can't get someone to understand that right from the beginning, don't go step two. Move on.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Isn't it interesting, guys out there, that we all have... Well, two agree. One guy's on his high horse.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
But you're still even talking about leaving.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
But before you do anything, you're going to have to go get your permit, which means study for the test, go get your permit, and then go out to a very rural area where you can drive and feel the vehicle underneath you and grow some confidence before you put yourself in traffic. I don't know if you live in New York City.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
And by the way, we have had right into over the years that, and we've been here a few years.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
That have all of the above. They have moved. They have not moved together. They have succeeded. They have not succeeded. There's no guarantee, no warranty. The bottom line is I hope you got a lot out of this show, especially in the adversity in this answer.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
So do we all agree that there's choices and there's life and you have to enjoy it and move forward and just go for it?
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
So we all agree that life will always bring us a little bit of bowl of cherries. We just have to decide what cherries we're going to eat.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
And there is your gavel. And to all of you, thanks for joining us this week. We will see you at Patreon. Yes. If you want to join, we encourage you. I'm sure we have a Group T popping up in the near future.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
and you're dealing with high concentration of craziness, or you live in a town where you can really drive and not have too much anxiety.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Because I know that it's supposed to be every four weeks at least.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Yes, he was very happy, and he really loved all the writings that you guys sent him with love, and he really was so excited to see them. And he made the thumbnail. And he did. He was so proud. He's actually going to send you back a paw print. Oh, yeah.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Yeah, and I only remember back from 1821. It's been a bit longer for you, yeah. It's been a minute.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
And I'm not trying to make you feel, you know, anything other than that you can do this. But I remember that, just to give you an idea, Morgan was behind a wheel probably at the age of six.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
You know, this is a priority thing too, Morgan. I mean, if she's going to get a license, she's going to definitely want to get a car. Or something. I mean, we're talking about how are we going to manage this? And if this woman is her partner, then maybe they do it together out in the rural area because evidently money is already an issue. I don't know what they can afford.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Because he said, you got Holly on the wall? I want a Pedro with a paw print.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Your thought is very good, but here's the one argument I have for it. What a great test to see if this is really your person.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
As simple as it was, I took Morgan into a parking lot and let her go drive where she couldn't get hurt. Yeah. That's what I did. And you were, you were, you couldn't even see over the windshield. I think you were basically on, I did get you in the seat.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
I mean, well, no, you were driving the little Healey by eight.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Anyways, guys, I definitely think it's doable for her.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
So Pedro, if you're listening, you got to come do the time.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
I wouldn't. And we would all be happy. I mean, I love going in Waymo. If I can get the driverless car, if I ever buy another car.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
It's that simple. Who can consider someone to be in a relationship with when they can't even make it a priority not to hurt you? I mean, to be able to hold you with the utmost respect and to put you on this plateau where they wouldn't even think about it and they can't control it. That's a tough one to go into. So that's easy for me. Find the person that there are people out there.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Find the person that's going to love you and respect you.
Father Knows Something
165: Father Knows: Don't Overthink It..
Go for it. This is about trust your radar.
Father Knows Something
158: Father Knows: Critical Points..
Hi, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Father Knows Something. We got the crew.
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158: Father Knows: Critical Points..
Versus, that's right. And let me tell you, I will never make that mistake again.
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It's caused me about two and a half weeks of hell.
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It's kind of like how you think about, well, how did we determine or find out that this is poisonous to humans or dangerous?
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man honesty is the man you're looking for is a compassionate understanding and a guy who understands who you are even religiously for the fact that you feel that you've had a different calling now than the calling you thought you had this is the time to find out and explore that to see where if there's a reason why you're you're having these feelings
Father Knows Something
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So if it's either one to challenge you to make sure that the path you are going to take is the right path, or if this new path is the right path for you. Either way, the honesty that you're going to have when you go on a date is what's going to set the stage. Let them know quite clearly where you've been for the past 10 years.
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Someone had to find out the hard way. Someone had to eat that berry, find out, well, if you eat that berry, it kills you.
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And if they have any brains, they're going to figure out that you gave your life for chastity for God. And now you're looking to find a relationship. I don't think you're really looking for just a one-nighter. You're looking for a relationship. You're looking to build something.
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So if that's what it is and you are looking to build something, then let's see when you're honest and open that you're looking for a relationship. to see if that makes them run away or that makes them dig in deeper to go get to know you. Because it's really, you have such depth of who you are.
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Let's see what they do to respond to that and to encourage you to be the best person you are in a life as a relationship or wherever you go. Because the right guy, I'm sorry, I see you're going to go, but the right guy is going to get this.
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Otherwise, how would we have ever learned it? So I was the sacrificial berry eater.
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I mean, this is a follow your gut situation because I think that's what you've done thus far. But it's a definitely, you know, there's only one way to find out type situation.
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And I think you'll know very quickly once you get in, but also this is a tricky one because it's like, if you go on a few bad dates, that doesn't necessarily mean dating's not for you. That's just normal adult dating. Yeah, dating's tough. Because you say you have the lack of experience, you know, with adult relationships. And given that, you know, it's tough unless you, if you meet the right guy.
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then hopefully that allows for you to feel, well, yes, this is where I'm supposed to be. And this is my new path, my new calling. But also that right person could help you make you realize that, no, this was a fantasy or whatever you called it. And I am supposed to be on this other path. But really, I think you could have both paths.
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I don't know necessarily if you can be a nun and whatever that is, but I think you could still have a very strong faith and follow that while also finding the right person. Because it feels like to me, you kind of went from one extreme and now you're kind of pendulum shifting. Maybe you fall somewhere in the middle and have both instead of all of this or all of that.
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How do I even meet him? How do I find the guy? And I'm thinking to myself, there are, I mean, every Wednesday, let's go to the website, let's go to the website. But I mean, she loved church. She loved being part in the world of God. That doesn't mean she won't find a guy at church, just going to church on Sunday or being active in a congregation. She had to be active.
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Right. So the fact that you were in one area of it doesn't mean you can't still stay with your church and find a person who is amongst your faith and your beliefs that could be to be your guy. All you're doing is taking yourself out of the idea of becoming a nun to becoming basically still a Catholic, still a person that wants to believe in God and do the practices.
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You just want to find someone to do it with and maybe have a family and have that lifestyle. So I think that's a great place to begin. And also, look, they certainly have websites that are designed for people of faith.
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And it's always good to have your cake and eat it too.
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And most importantly, just like Morgan said, don't think every one of them is going to be perfect. Look, there's going to be some dates that are going to be a little awkward. You're going to be with the wrong person. It's just identifying it, not trying to force the dating, not trying to force this person to be your person. Let it happen organically.
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I am ready. Let's kick it off. What is the theme?
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And the fact that if you start dating and you hold off physically, and I hate to say it, but hold up the physicality just long enough to get to know different people. That way, at least you're not misleading anybody or yourself as you're getting to know different people and you can be open and honest about it.
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And if they're, they see the, the golden you, they'll go along letting you experience what you need to experience and back off and relax and just know that the best person will end up with you. And that might be them. We'll see.
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Are we going to roll on to number three? Let's do it.
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Not yet. Yeah, I probably have about five or six.
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Yeah, some people have, you know, pipes. I just have my shoe horn.
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Dear Jerry, Morgan, and Justin, I've been a big fan of your show and THT for a while now, and my fiance and I always pause to give our takes, and we love how often we align with what you guys say. It's so refreshing to have access to quality dad advice because I've always had a strained relationship with my own dad, and my partner's dad lives halfway across the country.
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This is like you're on a teeter-totter. It's the critical point where you go.
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So your input would be much appreciated. Here's the issue. My partner and I are recently engaged and so happy together. He's so kind, supportive, loving, and we laugh together all the time. I can't wait to be married to him. However, the wedding planning has already been extremely stressful for us.
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Mostly because of how some family members of my side of the family identify politically and religiously. My uncle, my dad's brother and best friend has some pretty extreme beliefs that my partner and I wholeheartedly disagree with. In fact, both me and my fiance have pursued careers that are in direct opposition to his beliefs.
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In some ways, it feels having him and his family there would be a catastrophe. antithetical to a celebration of the relationship my fiancé and I have grown together. In recent years, I've found it really hard to separate politics and my fundamental values, especially when it comes to issues that affect women, immigrants, the LGBTQ community, and other marginalized people.
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Nice. You like that? Yeah. Sound effects and the visual. Yeah. All right. Let's go see who's going to be on the critical point to see which way the teeter-totter will totter. Yeah. Teeter. Will it teeter? Will it totter?
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This is especially true because my younger sibling has been out as trans for about five years now. While my parents claim they're trying, they still regularly use their dead name and former pronouns. I know this really hurts them as we're very close. And my fiance and I have been some of our only family members who fully respect and honor their identity.
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Cut to my older sister's wedding, which occurred this past summer. My sibling brought their lovely partner to the wedding and wore a suit in the same color as the bridal party's dresses. They looked phenomenal, despite my parents and sister giving them a hard time about it.
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Somewhere in there. So anyway, we've had a great week. Been busy and a wonderful, wonderful day today. So now let's kick this thing off. What's our theme tonight?
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After the wedding, when everyone was saying goodbye, my dad's brother made inappropriate comments to my sibling, something along the lines of needing to pray for them or some BS. I know they felt super uncomfortable about the interaction. Now it's time for my fiance and I to plan our own special day.
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My dad insists that his brother attend even after we explained our hesitations and the situation at my older sister's wedding. He also said he wouldn't allow us to invite any of his siblings if we didn't allow this brother on the guest list. He's one of four and only that brother has adopted those beliefs.
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My parents will be helping with the cost of the wedding, and they have been holding it over us.
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When we first approached the issue, he said it might be your wedding, but I'm writing the check. Nope. very much aligned with how my parents have leveraged money to control me and my siblings in the past. What makes me really sad about this situation is that it feels like he's choosing his brother over his own kids.
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He won't even have a conversation with his brother to set boundaries on our and my siblings' behalf, so maybe, more accurately, he's choosing his own comfort over us. With everything going on in the world and the protections for trans people getting rolled back so aggressively, I feel an even greater obligation to protect my baby sibling. Am I being out of line or asking too much from my dad?
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I do welcome a stress-free wedding day where I know the people I care about most feel safe to express themselves and their joy to the fullest.
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I agree 100% with you. I don't have to say one word.
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What do you got? Well, I have some more, I guess. Well, I have some more.
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Well, I have some additional background on the dad's kind of character here.
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My relationship with my dad is strained because he rarely will go out of his way to do things for others, even in his own family. Example, after our family dog passed away, he pushed us to replace her immediately, even when I said I needed time. However, went ahead, got a puppy, and I was left to do everything for her while he would leave her locked in the crate anytime he was home alone with her.
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My mom even once told me she's afraid that if she ever got sick, he would leave her. I could really use some dad advice.
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I'm done with dad. This is, I think you nailed it. I mean, far as your wedding goes, I think you just go get the people that are really important to you, invite them and say, we're having a nice small little wedding. We don't have a lot of money. You don't even have to just basically just say, we're having a nice small wedding. Come, come and join us. And that's really what it is. Dial it back.
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Morgan said everything correctly. I don't need to go hear myself talking. You guys don't need to hear me when we all agree.
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This is setting. You're an adult. You set it. You're an adult. Set your path. Hold your line. He'll get the message real quick. I don't cross this boundary. I mean, if you have to spell out to him, say, Dad, this is a boundary for me. And I'm sorry, but no, I really appreciate you wanting to pay for my wedding under your terms. But, you know, I don't need it. I want to do something different.
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And I'm going to invite just the people who I really believe will give me a wonderful time at a wedding. And don't send them the invitation. He's not part of it.
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Yeah, I mean, the wedding is just the, everything comes together and comes to a head with weddings. It brings all the problems and every family dynamic right together.
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But it, like Morgan was saying, it kind of sets the tone for the future. This wedding is one day. It's a big day, but it is one day. And we kind of need to set the tone for how we're gonna be dealing with dad going forward.
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This is all about respect and the lack thereof. And your dad does not have the respect for you to honor what your wishes are. Even to go to his brother and say, you know, Dave or whatever his brother's name is, the behavior that you did was totally out of left field. And I can't allow that to happen at the next one.
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I understand you may want to attend our wedding, but I want you to really realize that I can't invite you to Stacy's wedding because... And I'm using that as a fictitious name because I just can't invite you to the wedding because of what happened last time. And it just, it wasn't appropriate. And I don't think that you can control yourself.
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And if he can do that, great. But if he can't do it?
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You got some time. Morgan, you nailed it in the very beginning.
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I would also suggest, recommend a shoehorn. You can use it on people.
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Hi, fam. Hi. I love you guys, and I listen to you all day at work. I'm having a problem with my boyfriend of three years. We are both freshly adults, and we live at home. He's amazing, and I love him so much. My problem is, I think we are, as Morgan loves to say, enmeshed. 24-7 FaceTime. Not kidding. I have an iPad, so he's on there all day, unless he's at work or with his friends.
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I don't know how to stop either. He's my best friend. He makes every day special and not so lonesome in my house. We want to move out together in June, so maybe the physical closeness will almost help that. But then I fear we will just be with each other at home all day unless it's for work.
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I'm just caught up in this world and it feels like the rest of the world is actually participating in life while I'm in a bubble. Of course, my bubble is pleasant, but I want to do more things alone and together. Ideal outcome, I want us to have a healthy bond rather than whatever codependency this is. Additional info, I've always been codependent and I'm afraid of therapy.
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Well, I'm sorry you're afraid of therapy, but it might be your best friend.
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And I think you have to really approach it with the idea that it might teach you something new and help break these habits. And not worry about your relationship surviving by going through it. It won't survive by not going through it, typically. You got to be healthy on all sides of the box. And the way to do that is you need interaction from other people.
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You need to be able to go out in the daylight and not have the shadow right with you. It doesn't mean you don't want to miss them. Give yourself the chance to miss them. That. And think about them when they're not there, not having the instant gratification of them being there.
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So when you do come home and you see their car in the driveway, your heart gets to go pitter-pat because you've missed them during the day. But you can't give yourself that real chance for that really to develop by being there 24-7.
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Absolutely. You need to grow. And the only way you're going to grow is by bringing other interaction and other people in your life that you can communicate with. And certainly no one that he has to be jealous about just to build friendships. Yeah.
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I don't think there's any two people that have ever existed that could be together 24 seven and not end up hating each other.
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there's there's just no way and like you said it's destructive to your relationship for sure in the long run and it's destructive to yourself but the the good thing here is you've already made the first hard step in recognizing there's a problem yeah because a lot of people would just stay in this little bubble comfy cozy and not realize there's an issue until it's too late you for the relationship or for yourself
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I really do think that you should find some counseling, someone that you can talk to about it and just hear what they have to say. And it might really give you some awareness to some of this and how to get past that, keeping your relationship, but also making it healthier.
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And I also think, you know, maybe some of the nerves about therapy here are due to you don't necessarily want to dive into your whole life and your whole background and everything that has led up to this point and all the other trauma you've gone through.
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I do think with therapy, yeah, you can give general, like they get to know you a little bit, but you don't have to open up your whole past just to deal with the kind of situation that's right in front of you. You can go in and say, here's what I'm going through. They can get a little background. But if you feel that some stuff that you've gone through that you don't want to open up,
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Tools are good, right, Jerry? I love tools.
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As long as you can find them. We find them.
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Go figure. You know, when you're together, I know everyone wants that knowing security that they're ready to commit and they're going to be there. And sometimes we just have to put back and just say, they're coming home to me. They're there for me. I'm there for them. And we have this relationship.
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And while you're going through that, when you're married, you may have that little extra security, but you can talk to many people that will say, that marriage made no more security. It really is back to the basic of we talk together, we communicate together. When we're not together, we can go out and be with friends, but we can't wait to go back home and be with that person.
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We find joy with them. That's really what it's about. And so if you're married having that, if you're engaged having that, and then you have it with being engaged or not being engaged, you have it. It's that's the thing that you have to focus on right now that you're together and you're enjoying life and when you every day there's a new adventure and you're growing.
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If that's happening, don't worry. The engagement will happen. Trying to push that word engagement is, in a lot of ways, it's a falsehood. Don't fall into it because it's not as important as back to square one. We want to grow every day together and see each other and have fun and have our relationship that we count on one another. And when we go out, we have fun with one another.
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We wake up or we talk, we have fun with one another. That's really the important thing. And I would focus on that.
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Yeah, I don't really understand the, you know, I'm ready and he has very valid reasons for not necessarily being at that point. We can disagree on, you know, the first two years as a couple of what they were, you know, whatever.
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Even with that, it's like, if you feel that this is your person and they're reciprocating that, but they're not ready to necessarily propose, but they're going out of their way and doing all these special things that then are ruined for you because you're like, well, they didn't propose. Yeah.
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that's a really bad cycle to be in because they're stepping up, showing effort, doing way more than the next guy would. Like the special trip and this, and then it's like, oh, he's gonna propose. I mean, we've seen that through different friends and stories. I've been there. And it's like, oh, he's gonna propose, he's gonna propose. And then the really special thing that just happened
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is totally ruined because you didn't get this, what you thought was going to be a proposal.
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Everything is timing. But in this sense, it's like, he's not there yet. If you believe he's your person and he thinks the same about you, Then let's just roll with it for a while. Like Jerry was saying, let's just enjoy life together. When it happens, it's going to happen. Obviously, if we get to a point where it's like, hey, I made this comment. It's been a few years.
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Are we dragging our feet and this isn't happening? Yeah. I'm not getting that sense right now. I'm getting very valid reasons on his end where it's like, no. And obviously we have a paragraph here, right? But I just, my gut feeling on this is like, let's just roll with it.
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And then if it gets to a point where you really are like, I'm taking this, I need to take this step or we're done, then you can get there. But I don't, like, let's take a little bit of pressure off.
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Just in time. That's why it's my name. Just in time.
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But also you want to make sure that when you do propose to him, that the answer is going to be yes. You don't want him to have to say, you know, honey, I do want to marry, but I'm not ready to get engaged today.
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I know. I'm just putting, if you put that out there. Mm-hmm. It's just kind of this scary threat that flies around you like a bat.
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It will be two years from your engagement till you get married.
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Oh, I just was enjoying listening about the wonderful week and the wonderful day.
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This is my hand up. interesting like you wouldn't get your turn yeah with just three of us here this is a little story which you get bored with but i met i know a couple that i have met that they're they're now probably closer to their 80s late 70s 80s okay and they were you know uh Second relationship after marriage. They've been together for, I think, 37 years or somewhere plus or minus.
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However, they've only been married for 10, plus or minus.
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No, not at all. But it's interesting that, no, they've been together for all these years. They just never got married. And when he wanted to get married, the thing that I heard that was said is, by her, I've been married. Why do I need to be married? And finally, she acquiesced and they did get married finally.
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So long as you're together and you're growing, that's really the important part that I see. You know, I see reasons to get married. There's financial reasons. You want to make sure that, you know, with different, you know, Social Security and different... There are reasons.
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But it doesn't handcuff you. It's not a handcuff at all. Well, but that's right. But that's like, oh, I need to get to that marriage because then I know we're committed. We're locked down forever. But it's like, not these days.
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I mean, I know so many people that have been married. And let me tell you, they're on number four. So when you're on number four, you can see how the commitment does not come from the ring. The commitment comes from the heart. And, you know, when you start dating someone, you can make that choice. Am I committed to that person or am I not? And it's not really what you say to them.
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It's what you say to yourself. Because that's the only person that you really have to answer to. I know that when I'm with somebody and I'm committed, they may not even know I'm committed. I know I'm committed. I know that I have no interest in anybody else because I'm locked down. I wanted that relationship to work and I'm going to put all my focus into that relationship.
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And the day that I know that I'm not being focused in that relationship is the day that I have a talk and say, we got a problem. Can we work on it or do we just let it go? And that's...
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So the fact that he was there to take you on that wonderful romantic camping trip, I think that you need to be more appreciative and that you can say, wow, he really went out of his way to do this, to have that quality time. And it wasn't really about the engagement thing. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy the time you're with them and grow.
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Well, I can certainly tell you one thing. I know what it is like in a machine slash welding shop.
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So there's no doubt. And I feel bad that you had to really get out of a job that you probably really loved because welding is an art. It really is. And I've known many women that are welders and they've done beautiful work. And, you know, it's an art, period. You know, a weld bead is a signature.
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So I hope you can find welding again, even if it's on the artistic side or somewhere different than where you were. You were obviously in a place where people had no respect and they're dickheads.
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Well, it's terrible when people make you dislike your passion or something that you truly love.
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Just because of the work environment or because of how people criticize what you do or anything, whether it's a creative field, whether it's...
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more you know trades whether it's whatever it could be out there when people make you hate something that you truly love and have a passion for it's just disgusting so let me ask a question doesn't she have options at this point in time she's out of there can't she go back and file a suit for certainly for hr not listening i'm sure she's got copies of those write-ups those complaints
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No actions were taken. No one ever suffered.
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Yeah, and by the way, just to excite you about welding, there's some new equipment that's coming out that's out today for laser welding that is just amazing stuff that's out there.
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Yeah, that's crazy. That sounds exciting though. You've explored that world. And now it's like, let's try something new. I wish I could live a million lifetimes to be a film director, to do music like I am now, to do X. I want to do all the different careers.
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I will say this one thing. There is nothing about what you did in welding that does not benefit you going forward into whatever your life will be because they can't take that experience from you.
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And you will find that things that you've done, you're 19. So you're going to find out that the jobs that you've done, the things you've done, how it applies to something totally different five years, 10 years down the road. You'll say, I can use this for that. And it's amazing that it's all new foundations. Build these foundations and you'll see how you'll apply them as life goes on.
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Well, and the age honestly is irrelevant. I mean, if you're listening to this one as a 19, 29, 39, 49 year old, however old you are, you can always take this step. And it can be really exciting. Why not change it up? I'm 67. I'm a podcaster.
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We'll see you over on Patreon. We love you, and thanks for joining us and being a part of our family. If you are simply a Spotify listener or a radio listener, don't forget, you're welcome to come see what we look like.
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But- That was really scary when I saw that.
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And this is a reach out for Molly. You asked us where our address was. And if you go right into the description on Instagram or on YouTube, it will give you the address on Wilshire Boulevard.
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I was waiting for some specifics of, you know, we could get to know you, what's going on in your life, but just great week, great day. That's what we got. Yes.
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You know, communication, we always say, is the most important thing in a relationship. And you certainly have the ability of saying to him, you know, I really love the way you cook. I love that you do it. But I really want to let you know that I am not going to eat past 7.30, 6.30, 5.30. I certainly have had relationships where people have let me know that they don't want to eat at 8 o'clock.
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And here's the big dating game or whatever they call it. There used to be a show called The Dating Game and The Newlywed Game.
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Holy shit. You didn't know that? My brother was on that game too.
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And we do the big dating game kiss goodbye.
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I mean, when we were living together, we would eat at 8 o'clock, 8.30, 9 o'clock. It was way too late. When you guys went on your merry way and you guys have your home, I eat at 5.30. Mm-hmm. That's just where I find that I eat and it's better for me and I digest things better.
Father Knows Something
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So you certainly have the ability of saying to him, look, I know you like to cook and I'm not going to try to get into your kitchen, but unless we can eat by whatever you specify that time is, that, you know, it isn't going to work well for that. And that's part of the deal. And you're not allowed to critique me because I'll cook earlier, but I don't want to be beat up.
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I'm not here to, I want you to be able to appreciate that I came into the kitchen and I did it because I really don't want to do it. And I know you like to do it and you do it wonderfully, but you got to bring your time to where people can really function and you got to define it and live it.
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Yeah, I mean, it'd be tough living with a Gordon Ramsay-like type where you can't just grab the quick meal and go when you need to. It's no, this has to be prepared this way. And even if we're not cooking it, you know, wherever we go out, the only thing on my mind would be, oh, I wonder what he's gonna say about this. I wonder what he's gonna say about this or that.
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Versus having someone that's passionate about that and can cook a badass meal.
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but it doesn't have to be every single meal of the day. And cause that's just not functional for normal life. Maybe there's someone out there who can cook a lavish, you know, Michelin star type meal for every meal because they have time for it and that's what they like to do. But in this sense, it just doesn't seem to be functional.
Father Knows Something
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Well, you want to hear about the holy hell that I've been going through? You really want me to rain on everyone's parade?
Father Knows Something
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And so we're looking for some sort of compromise on his end to make this possible. Otherwise, this turns into a situation where sadly you'll be making your own meal at X time or picking it up, ordering out, however that works. He'll be doing his thing and we're always eating separate. That could be something for people.
Father Knows Something
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But at some point, it's like when you live with someone, especially in a relationship, it's nice to be on a similar schedule.
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I think the ponies are the most stressed.
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We are now like in the third week of February. I don't know.
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So I have my cooking thing down to a science. You know, when I entertain at home, I know that I'm going to cook dinner. And I know that I've gotten my, when we used to live together, we would make these dinners that would take an hour to cook. I dialed it down to where I can make dinner now in 15 or 20 minutes. Very quick and easy. Very good.
Father Knows Something
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So I was going to suggest that she may want to select meals that she knows that will come in or he can make meals that will come in at a timeline. That they're not going to be two hours, three hours to prep. On a daily basis, you get your meal done, prepped and ready to go within 20 to 30 minutes. That way you guys can eat at that selected time.
Father Knows Something
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One of my projects I had runaway alcohol. 95% rubbing alcohol decided to disintegrate things.
Father Knows Something
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Then he's got to get in the kitchen earlier or he's on his own to eat and she'll either cook for herself, like you said, or she'll bring in food. She doesn't have to force herself to eat at 9.30 or 10 o'clock at night.
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It's tough when people are foodies. And I respect if you're a foodie. Everyone loves good food. I think some people take it a bit too far. In this sense, it's with the cooking, but there's also, I felt in my life when someone's like, Oh, I go to this meal and oh, this place in the city makes the best this. If you go anywhere else, it won't compare.
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When people put themselves into that position, it makes it hard for me to go anywhere with them where I'm like, hey, I really love this place. Be great to have everyone go and experience it. Because you just know that's like, oh, well, you know, these Brussels sprouts aren't like at over at blah, blah, blah. And they should have done it with this. It is a lot of pressure.
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And I can't imagine that pressure when you are the one preparing it instead of just being, you know, the restaurant third party.
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And yeah, I would never want to cook. What do you mean? I'd like, I'd be showing up with pre-prepped something or I'd grab something on the way home and be like,
Father Knows Something
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Yeah. And I'm sitting here saying that the abuse isn't worth it. That's the biggest problem. So they have a deeper problem that's going to happen in their marriage unless they find a way through it.
Father Knows Something
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Who would ever have imagined? So I've been playing with.
Father Knows Something
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This is the man that's supposed to be in love with you. He's the one that's supposed to be cherishing you and just being in delight that you're with him.
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I think, I mean, she's not trying to start her own restaurant. It's not like a Gordon Ramsay type situation. I just picture him like, I don't know what the kitchen setup is, but kind of hovering, passing by.
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Seeing what pans are being used, seeing the slicing happening and not saying anything in the moment to actually help be a potential teacher, even if that was possible at this point, but more just waiting like, oh yeah, she used the wrong pan for the whatever. And then just taking one bite of the meal and being like, You used the wrong pan for this. You did this.
Father Knows Something
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I would. Never. I mean, the stuff has been bullet. It's been fine. And then all of a sudden.
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You did like, dude, I couldn't, I couldn't handle it.
Father Knows Something
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Is that like being in competition with your wife over cooking? Yeah. I mean, is that the most ridiculous thing that we've actually heard when we're just trying to eat?
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Yeah. Restaurant would close real quick.
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Just remember where he should remember where he is. He's home. He's with the woman that he apparently loves and that loves him. And that if he keeps abusing you, trust me, you ain't going to love him too much more.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Well, hi, everybody, and here we're back in the studio.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Yeah. And if he's not facilitating that in every possible way, you will lose respect.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And it's going to deteriorate that relationship, hence causing a bigger but.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I didn't have to spell it out. I didn't have to go enter the crack. Let's roll on. Number three. Number three.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Yeah, because I know a lot of people that have family that they still are foe. And they have issues. There are people, a lot of family dynamics. It's quite interesting. Okay. And I see it every day, by the way.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
As you were reading this, I really recognize that I have been out with people that were diseased with the multi-level marketing mentality. And it's really a chemical combination when you get this personality that is that salesperson that is sent out to go pray because it's designed for them to pray and conquer. And it's not just to get their stuff into your hand.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Let's go. Let's see if life experiences have anything to shine on this for you guys.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
It's to get you to begin, for you to become part of the multi-level marketing chain. And they don't know when to stop. And I've gone out with somebody that when no matter where I went, That multi-level marketing persona hit everywhere. And then I went out with somebody that was, you know, in her own little design business, you know, with some art that she would do.
Father Knows Something
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And everyone was, you know, the first thing she would say is, I'm an artist or I'm this. And she would try to get everyone to buy into it. Sometimes people just don't know when to stop. And relax and don't bring your professional thing that you're looking a to involve everybody else in it. And or to become their money is to become part of your chain. So it's really important.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I think when she started to try to get you to buy into, I'll give you 50% off. I think your answer really is, mom, if there's anything you think that we need, you buy it and you gift it. I'm not buying anything. If I need something, I'll decide what I need. And you really can't tell your husband to do this. I think it's now you take your own direction with her because you need to earn her respect.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And by applying that boundary in a nice way, you're giving her the chance to get it and hear you. And I love that expression because a friend of mine says to me, she says, you're not hearing me. You may be listening, but you must hear and hear the words and what the inference of what they're trying to say. And it's really important.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
So let her know that to, you know, understand that this is a boundary. If I need it, I will buy it. I don't want you to bring me the suggestion to buy something because I don't really not looking for your opinion if I have acne or not. I own a mirror and I'll look at myself to take care of myself. I'm looking for love and support and that is it. Not anything else.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And if you can respect that boundary, we're going to really do well going forward in our life because we're going to be together for quite a while. but you need to respect me as an adult and know my boundary. And I think once you do that, hopefully they'll get it because if they don't get it, you can just say, apparently we're having a communication problem.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Really? Yeah. What is the episode number? A lot. This is episode a lot. And if you haven't seen all of the a lot, start from the beginning and let's binge through it.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And they're going to learn to step back and not do this because you're going to define that line in a really respectful way that they will realize they're making the mistake doing this.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
It's horrible that somebody would think that. I'm trying to look at the... For the right word that I'm trying to captivate, the bottom line is it's horrible that they... She even said it. The bottom line is that if she sees something that she wants to get for the kitchen, she can go buy it and give a gift. No one's stopping her.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I mean, I see stuff that I may want to get you guys, and I'll just go buy it. And I'll say, here you go. I think I may have bought some oil because I love the good olive oil. I know it's good polyphenols. Not that you guys can't buy olive oil, but you may have been unaware of this polyphenol.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I bought it from my brother, in fact, and I sent it to him because I thought it would be healthier for him. Now, he got an olive oil as a gift. He gets to make that choice. Does he want to use it or throw it away?
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And that's where it is. So, I mean, I say, if she sees something, she wants to get them as a gift by all means, buy them the gift, but don't call them and say, Hey, I'll get you half off for this.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And my advice is only because I have dated women that have been in this world and I've witnessed this world.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Oh, try to hook me into it. Get me, you know, come to meetings, join in.
Father Knows Something
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And then you like to think, well, maybe it's just an adventure. And then you find out it's neither. It's time to leave.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Anyways. Moving on, I just say that this is, I don't think it's out of meanness. It's just out of their way and their programming and what they do to you. And, you know, don't take it as an offense, but certainly set up the boundary that I'm not interested in this. You want to get me something, great. We're happy to bring something in the house, but I'm not buying anything.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I'm not buying into multi-level marketing. Good luck to you. I wish you a lot of success, but really leave me out of that. Yeah. Let's move on to number four. Okay.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I'm guessing that you evidently have made it very clear to him that you don't want anything to do with you or your child or your life to be brought in front of your mom, that she is excommunicado. I mean, she's done. And if he is choosing to have a life and a relationship with her away from involving you, great.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
But if it's in fact that he was well aware of this and you have defined this to him and he has broken that trust, then you're right. I want nothing to do with you. If you're going to be around the skunk and pick up the odor, I don't need that here. And it's about respect. And the fact that he lied to you, I guess you guys call that gaslighting.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
and he's point blank betraying you, then you don't need that. Right. It's manipulation and it fucks with your radar.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And that goes back to just, if you're dating someone or, or friends with somebody, or it's a family member, if somebody is, is fucking with your radar, where, you know, it's where, you know, it's X and they're telling you it's why I don't need you in my life because you're screwing with me.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
No phone when you come to the house, no pictures when you come to the house. You can come and you can enjoy us by ourselves, but that is where it is. I don't want anything. Until I feel comfortable, you got to live under these rules. Mom is out of my life, and you got to really be clear on it, that I'm not going to allow you to fuck up.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Because if me allowing you to fuck up, then I fucked up, and I got to cut you loose.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
We do. And you just point blank say, this is how we got here. And you're going to have to trench your way out of this thing because right now you're in a hole with me.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And you can accept it any way you want, but I'm going to protect myself and I'm protecting my child and my life. And you're not, you have not been a part of the solution. You're a part of the problem. Yeah. Okay. Let's move on to number five. Five.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
You know, as our bodies change, No one can really monitor what happened today and what happened yesterday. So you can simply just say, you know, guys, I have developed an allergy to salt. Please do not bring me any more salt. Yeah. And that way you don't have to worry about the past. You're only going forward, you guys. It was so great, but now I have a problem with it and we just can't do it.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And let it go at that. It's simple. And they'll know, don't bring you salts anymore.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I do not believe this is your husband's responsibility. You're a decade in this family, and I think quite clearly you can speak for yourself and say, you know, guys, I really want to thank you for your thoughts, but for now on going forward, please don't bring this to me anymore. You're a big girl. I'm not putting this on your husband.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I'm getting an applaud from Morgan for her fiance that they have a meeting of the minds and they agree on this. I really feel at this point in time exactly that she has a mouth. She is a part of the family. She can speak up and she can do this and just say, I'm allergic at this point. I can't go in the past. I only can go forward. He didn't do it in the past. She didn't do it in the past.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Everybody could have done it in the past. But she is the adult here. She's the one that's receiving these gifts. And she had no problem to say, guys, I have an allergy. I can't do it anymore.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I'm with you. He didn't do it. Do I want to go be frustrated with him at this point? I do not. I mean, it's past. You know, if it was a contention for her, she could have easily gone to him and say, this is a problem for me. I don't want to address your family. Can you please do it? And they could have had that conversation.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Then set that standard that it's up to you to go fix my problems.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I hear where you're going with it. My feeling at this point in time, she is 10 years in the family. If she's going to define this with him, define it with him is correct. And that let him handle it. If that's what the relationship is going to be, if she has an issue and she, and, and he doesn't get the message after they had this conversation.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Yes, she can, she can try to go, you know, have a conversation with him. I wanted you to be my backup on this. But, you know, I kind of look at this at this point saying she is a part of this family. She can speak for herself.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I got it. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't feel here, but if he, but I keep going back to the part that in the, in the past, they didn't have this, this dialogue. They didn't have the standard. And if they did, there'd be a different opinion on my point.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And there are going to be people saying, you know, dad, you said that, you know, the mate should be able to handle their own situation and he shouldn't have to do this. But if she wants it, she needs to define it. This is something that I want you to do. Because some of the women that I've been out with and had relationships want to speak for themselves. They don't need me to speak for them.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And I've had it both ways. So, you know, I come from a different place. I come from, you know, of experiences where I know people are very independent and they don't want me to, you know, they want to be able to, if I wanted you to, if I wanted you to speak, I would have asked you to speak. And so you get both sides of this thing.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
You know, you only can be you. I'm going to start with that. And, you know, if she's got this hang-up or whatever her gig is, I would ignore it. I wouldn't, you know, give it any mileage because at the end of the day, there's nothing you're going to do that's going to correct her by having a heart-to-heart or a conversation with her.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
It is. So, like I said, she can define going forward what she wants. And she could have defined back then what she wanted.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
But she invalidated any expectation when she did not go to him and say, this is up to you to take care of for me.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Is it OP's home or the parents' home? Seemingly the parents. Well, I'm glad you get to live with your parents. So do the animals because that's your parents' choice. It's their home. But? If OP is having a problem with this and the arrangement and they don't want to get rid of the dog, OPs can say, I'm out of here. And you guys are on, you guys get to take care of the animals yourself.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I'm not buying into this. You want me to buy into it? Then I'm only buying into one animal.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I think it's just time and for someone really to really accept who you are and whatever their... their own dynamic and their, their, their baggage that's inside of their head. I mean, you know, Justin has a very special part for my life. And, and do I look at him as being a son? Sure. Absolutely. Can he call me dad? I think he still likes calling me Jerry.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
The solution is simple. If you're not on the game with me... And take care of my dogs with me. It's part of your rent. It's part of your living here. And if you can't jump in on this, then I'm going to have to make the responsibility of taking care of my animals myself. And I don't want to do that. I want you to be here or I'll get someone else to do it.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I mean, it's really up to these three people to come up with the solution. Where is the obligation? Who's got the obligation? If the parents want this animal and they don't want to maintain the animal, then they could just point blank saying, I am not a part of this. And if you want me to leave, I'll leave. But I'm sorry. It's their home.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And if they want this animal and they don't want to take care of it, then they have a decision to make.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I'm going to be really hard-nosed on this one. If OP does not want to do this, then OP can just point blank saying, I'm not a part of this. And if it causes OP other hardships because of that decision, so be it. OP gets to make these adult decisions what works for OP or not. And if it doesn't work, then you're going to have to jump off the train. if they say jump off the train.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Now, they may say, you know, we're okay with getting rid of one of the animals and, you know, I'm sorry you're making me do this. I mean, this guilt trip shit that's going to go on. But, you know, you're living together. You guys are all going to have to be able to figure this one out to what works for this team. But if it doesn't work for OP... then OP has the ultimate choice what works for you.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And if one animal works and one animal doesn't, then you have to point blank saying, it's not going to work for me and I will accept the repercussions from you guys in respect of that. I'm sorry I'm so hard nose on it.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And you got to hold your line. And be willing to accept whatever repercussions come from it, whatever fallout happens, but it's real. And you have defined your line. They've defined their line. There's no misunderstanding. And families, they got to really do that. That's part of where everyone has problems. Everyone... mushes up the line. Keep the lines defined.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
So, you know, it's, or Jer, I mean, he, you know, people have their own thing and I accept whatever it is. And I have, you know, my feelings on where I feel with them in my life. Morgan calls me, I call her daughter. She'll call me up or I'll call her and say, daughter, what you up to? And that's just something that I kind of got into recently. I don't think I did it years ago, more recent.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
It's no different than a relationship of any kind. You got to define what your expectations are of one another or what's acceptable and live within those lines so you guys don't continue to piss each other off.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
It's a beautiful idea to bring people knowledge. if you have information that will support and that they can look at and be comfortable with whatever their decision is going to be, I say, educate them, show it to them.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And you can show all the facts and just say, you know, guys, here are the facts of everything here. Make your choice. I know I've made my choice. I cannot do this. Bottom line, I have no interest in two puppies.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
End of story. How you guys want to help each other get through it is up to you, but I cannot. And it goes back to you. Make sure that you are defined and what your listener is willing to accept or not accept. And it's clear. Listener does not want two puppies. Make your decision, hold your line, and take the repercussions thereof.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
We are? Yeah. Everyone, I really want you to look at the hooks behind me because it's missing one article that will be coming. It's been in my car sitting.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
So I look at the comments to hear the comments on every read to see what people say.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
There we are. So thanks for joining us for this show in this episode. We're going to be in the backyard, I'm sure, very shortly.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I call you kitties, yeah. What are you up to, kitties? I don't even know I do it. Isn't that funny?
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
So, you know, we, I, again, don't take it any which way, but she in her own way will find her place in your pace. And as you have kids and life, you know, develops more time between you, that connection hopefully gets stronger and that bond gets stronger. And if she's, you know, dysfunctional with that. Yeah.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
You can't fix it. It's just don't, don't react. Yeah.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Man, I hear you. And who knows what this woman will be with that daughter-in-law in six months. She might be, you know, call me miss, forget Mrs. F, call me Mrs. Finkelstein. I mean, she may make her spell it out. You just don't know, but you can't let the dynamic affect you. Be you. Simple and sweet. Be who you are. And don't let this change you from who you are. That's all I can really say.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Oh, the shoehorn. The extendable shoehorn, guys, it is a magical thing. And retractable. It is. It's the best. And for some reason, I keep leaving it in the car. But it's got a little screw thing that you can put a hook on it and it will go perfect right on that. And so they'll see my shoehorn. Because I live by them.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Justin, I totally agree with you. I think that at one point, if it persists and it really becomes a stick alarm, you can certainly get her in a corner and just say, can you explain to me We've been family now for four years or five years. Can you tell me what your issue is? Because obviously I don't want you to have an issue. I would like to be able to clear this up.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Well, you know, take one, but we only do really one take.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
So please explain to me whatever I did that pissed you off that you have this behavior with me.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Well, it's a different time than what we had back. I mean, the way children are raised today and what they're taught with manners today compared when I was seven and eight, it's different today. We were really trained early on that you call them Mr. Smith, Mrs. Smith. You didn't say this or that. And it was disrespectful to do otherwise.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I never go to Morgan and say, you must call them Mr. Olson or Mrs. Olson. You know, that's Billy.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
It's just things change. And that was my fault. I mean, was I wrong to say, hey, feel welcome to call Billy, Billy, rather than Mr. Olson? Yeah. You know, it was, you know, Billy is, you know, to me it wasn't as formal and it was sweeter and brought people closer.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And I look back at the time of the people that were in my life when I was growing up that became not blood uncles, but became uncles because of family. And so rather than calling Bob Weinberg, Mr. Weinberg, I called him Uncle Bob. Or whatever it was. We had uncles. Because that was the respect level. That we love you that much that you're part of our family.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
So you're just going to have to really just have the conversation. If it really persists and you really feel that she doesn't like you and she's just being disrespectful to you, you really have to then say, what did I do that pissed you off? That causes you to have such hostility, which I feel. And I don't want to feel that. And I'd like to fix it.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Everywhere I go now, I've been buying shoe horns and leaving them like little fairy dust. Is there one at our house? I left one at your house. It's in the drawer. It's perfect. Because when you walk in your home, the first thing you really should do is take off your shoes. You shouldn't track all the germs and everything that you get on the street into your home.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And when you hit somebody with that, they may be knocked off guard enough that they might, you know, come clean. Yeah.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
You know, when a couple lives together, they're supposed to be partners. And the fact that you're taking on this role that you feel like you're nagging him like his mother, that is a sign that he better wake up to. Because let me tell you, it's going to start deteriorating your relationship. And you need to let him clearly know that, you know, the two of you are the solution to this home. And...
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Granted, he's going to school to learn, but that doesn't mean that when he gets home that our day is done and you're in the chair playing video games. We need to survive. We need to eat. We need to get rid of these bills. We have an obligation to one another. We have a long life ahead of us. And this isn't the answer.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
I mean, you can certainly find the time to have your relaxation and I'm not going to take away some relaxation time, but it's not during prime daytime when you need to go be a solution to our problem. I'm trying to be a solution to our problem, but I can't carry both of us the way it is. And I need you to help.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And I hope that you'll see the sense of this and rise to the occasion because it's going to affect my feelings.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
And that fracture will be the size of the Grand Canyon.
Father Knows Something
156: Father Knows: Family or Foe?
Yeah, especially if you're going to want to start growing and have a house, have a family. You're going to need to take this time and arm yourself with your weapon. And what is your weapon? Your mind, your job, your experience, and the ability to go out and produce.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Well, hi, everybody, and welcome to this week's, I think this is going to be one of the holiday episodes because I am Dasher Dad, the reindeer.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Like we've all said. Define what you want for your lifestyle.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Number three. See my paw? It's my reindeer paw.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
I don't have a red nose. I have a red nose.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
The abuser themselves are the ones that sign the ability of the person they abuse to go say whatever they want. Yeah. No matter if they like it or not. So this is real. And this person doesn't have to live in that trauma. And he doesn't have to live in that fear. He could certainly come clean and say, you did this. He can go to his parents, say, he did this.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
What you guys want to do with it is your business, but I'm not going to come around it. I don't want to feel uncomfortable anymore. I don't want to be haunted by the memory of what happened. And you guys can tell me what you're going to do. Are we going to not, are you going to ask him not to come?
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
The victim has the ability of making the determination to state what he wants within that family for him to come around. Yeah. And identify those rules.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Okay. You ready for the problem? There's other kids. This guy did it to this guy when he was a kid. There's a problem.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
And this family has a right. And maybe if you talk to your guy and say, there could be a potential where he can hurt somebody else.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
I had a cousin that was abused. He talked about it when he was 50 years old. I mean, he waited years and years and years.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
I think you explained it quite clearly right here. This is what it's going to be. And we're going to, and we've been, are they stopping this year or they're going to go one more year? They're stopping this year. So I'd be interested in knowing if they actually told their family, you know, a year ago that this is going to change.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
It's important to you. It's real simple. This is a fundamental thing that you enjoy during this period, this holiday season. You are rejoicing your belief within the Christmas spirit. And you want to share it with the person you love. The only person you get to negotiate on this one is yourself. And you have to say, do I want to have a life? without Christmas being shared with the guy I love?
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
And then if your answer is, I do not want a life without sharing it, then you need to say, this is my decision. Either we're going to get some counseling to try to figure it out, or I can't do it.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
And we don't know that, but the answer is quite simply, you just say, this is what we've decided. We're not angry with anybody, but this is our, we're our new castle. This is going to be our home for our kids. And this is where we're going to be doing Christmas from this day forward. And you guys are welcome to come here and, you know, whatever arrangements you make, because we,
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Well, there's a couple of different thoughts. First of all, if you can't have gold and silver on a tree, why can't he decorate a tree with just wood decorations or paper decorations?
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
So it sounds to me almost like it's, I don't know if it's Seventh-day Adventists or one of the other religions that you can't even celebrate Christmas.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Come on now. It's a thing. Yeah, no, it's a thing. So it's really, you know, down to a culture. I mean, there's sometimes when you are with someone of a different culture, You have to decide, can you live within that culture or not? And that's what you're dealing with with this.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
I thought I was really being really kind of cool as Dasher Dad, the reindeer. Yeah.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Unless it's simply the fact that his grandmother died and he needs some help with grief counseling for this period of time and learn how to enjoy it or not. I mean, we really don't know really what's going on in this guy's head. But you need to find out because it's simple.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
It doesn't sound like you're going to be happy going through your life without this festivity and this celebration during this period of time. And if you're not going to be happy during it, then why are you with this person?
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Meeting of the minds. Remember that one? Yeah. That's why I think it might get worse. It will get worse and they'll become bitterness.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
You know, they, they just said, we're going to do it two weeks before with the family. And I think they're going to have their, just their own little, you know, foursome, you know, right now going forward at Christmas, it sounds like to me.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
I didn't. I found out it was outside of Duluth. It was in one of the forestry preserves, and I didn't know it. Did you just implicate yourself? Yes, probably, but it's statute of limitations.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Reflect it within your own eyes and look at the reality of it and see all the implications that you were inviting and say, is this what I want for my life? Because right now you're getting pulled over for a warning. You're not getting the ticket. You're going to get let go, but now you get to decide what you're going to do.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
What's your thought? No, because I look at myself and I've left over for things that, you know, I would let get by. I saw someone that couldn't accept my kids or behaviors. That's a huge one. Behavior on my kids. And even though my kids are adults, you know, the behaviors. Yeah.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
And otherwise it would be something like, you know, simple little, you know, cheap, you know, intendancies or, you know, things that, you know, that most people will excuse away and just say, ah, you know, don't worry about it.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
But it got to be, it got to make me, you know, bitter. Yeah. Yeah. And I saw something that was going on and it killed the relationship. It killed some of my spirit. And I said, I'm done. And that was it. Yeah.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
There's no doubt that if you're uncomfortable going somewhere, don't go. You don't have to go face yourself with being miserable because everyone else is going to fight. And if they call you on it and say, you know, when you guys figure out how not to fight, maybe I might entertain the idea of coming back and hanging around, but it's not fun for me. Number one. Yeah.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
If you also feel that there's some insecurity that, you know, I mean, I know you get along with your boyfriend's mom, but if you feel that there's something going on with the dad and the other siblings, maybe you just need to go find out if that's true or not to see if, you know, give it the opportunity to be open and see if you can build a relationship there rather than walking and saying, you know, I'm already nervous about it or I feel insecure.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
And if you have some insecurity issues that you feel, maybe you might want to get some counseling just to see what could be causing those insecurities. I'm not saying that you need to. I'm just saying that this is a look you have to look at within yourself if you want to get some extra strength or some feedback or find out where it stems from, some of these feelings.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
I get being shy. That's how I grew up. But you've done a really wonderful job in our family. You've integrated yourself very well. You walk right in, you're fine.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
It's definitely different. At one point, you know, you guys become, and I truly love that word, that nucleus family. And, you know, it's your own castle. And usually it's, you know, in my case, it really happened after we lost matriarch and patriarch.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Then, you know, I really felt the houses break down where, you know, there was, if there were, if I had, you know, three siblings or there were four of us, we all had our own castle. It breaks up. And it's not bad. It's just part of the way life works. And I just hope that you can say with the tone that it just says it's with love, but this is what we're going to do.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
I did it. And that's exactly what it was. It was tails.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
I was thinking of Home Alone. Kevin! I was thinking of Kevin the whole time. You know, they all ignored Kevin. You know, and Kevin's the genius in the family. There's no doubt about it.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
So there you are. So this is Rudolph Dad, the reindeer.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
So this is a decision you have to make if you're frustrated going and your mate doesn't want to go because of a different issue. Then maybe you guys just say, you know, this year we're not coming. We got something else to do. And then if you want to have a private conversation later when your mom starts complaining that you didn't show up and say, take a look, mom.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
This is what we deal with when we come, and it's not fun. It's demoralizing, and I find it abusive. And I don't think that you're going to like this conversation, but it's not fun. It hurts me. And that's why I didn't want to come. I didn't want to be hurt anymore. And let them digest that a little bit.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
And maybe that might soak in a little bit for the next time that you guys do show up to come visit.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
And here's how we're going to do Christmas from this day forward.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
You may find something that you and your mate want to go do together that involve nobody else and it could be a lot of fun.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Let's see how long before they call you that they actually miss you.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
I didn't know you were on a roll. I didn't want to interrupt you.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Good. Well guys, that's it. That's our number six story for the evening. We will have Patreons come join us in the backyard.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
And I, And I'd like to ask you guys to do some write-ins. I have a couple topics I'd love to do a couple shows on. So anyone that has had people in their life as friends all their life and you've gotten on in years and you've both grown up and you're mature and you say, gee, I'd like to maybe possibly check out a relationship with this person.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Maybe it's more than just a friendship that we've had all these years and you want to cross the bridge, I call it.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Two separate stories. And bro code. And bro code. So girl code, bro code.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
The code. That's one storyline. The other one is.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
The other one is crossing the bridge. You may have had a family friend. And the code.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
if it applies to a story you have or popping off the bridge, I'm going to get some ether and just knock her out.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
The bottom line is, if you have a story and you want to share it, please write in on these ones. I think it'd be an interesting topic and I'd love to address them.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Anything more out of you? You done? You were wound up there a few seconds ago.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Okay. You young lad, you good? Yes. We're going to all say goodnight and happy holidays.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
And, and, you know, far as the writer goes, I agree. Just, you know, say it nicely with, with, with easy love and to say, this is what we're going to do. And we've made this decision as a couple and we love you all, but this is what we're going to do. And that's the end of it. You know, with you guys, you know, you're, you're building your own home.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Now you're going to have, you're going to one day start your own family. And I mean, I understand that our history has always been back, go back to where it's cold country. We all congregated in Minnesota and, But it might be different now that you're going to have your own home. And I don't know. Yeah, I don't think so. It'll be interesting to see what you do when you once have your kids.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Or having them come to her for two weeks before.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
You are so welcome. We're really glad to be in the car with you, too.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
I think this is a duplicate of the one before. We just basically just say exactly what it is. And this is our family, or this is our decision. And we're going to stay at our home. There's a reason why we're here. It's child-friendly. It has all the conveniences for me to be comfortable with my new baby. And this year, this is what it's going to be.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Oh, the holidays. Yeah. And the holiday dramas that come with it.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
It might be different next year, but this year is what the plan is.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
They can go stay at the Airbnb. I'm going to stay here at my home where I can have my clean environment, where I can breastfeed and do what I want and feel comfortable. I'm not traveling. It's real simple. I'm glad to have you guys come here later, but we're not leaving the house. This is what our plan is going to be. And it's that defined.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
I know that in my own family, with my sister and some of her kids as they became adults, the adults, the young adults, now adults, became very firm. And they just said, this is the boundary. This is what it is. And telling that to my sister, I think, was a hard pill for her to swallow. But she finally got the message. And she recognizes that there is a boundary in that home and she respects it.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
And I think that's what it really is. It's really standing is setting the boundary and standing up and not caving to it, not even getting weak. Say, this is the way it is. And I hope you'll understand that. I don't want to hear about it anymore. If you want to go continue to argue, the door is over there. Go outside. Close the door. Yell at a tree or whatever you want to. I don't want to hear it.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Not the tree. Not the tree. Tree didn't do nothing.
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
Trees are strong. They're deep root and they don't have ears. Sounds kind of like nice existence, huh?
Father Knows Something
150: Father Knows: Holiday Mayhem
You identify it clearly. This is where we're going to be from now on. This is what it's going to be from this day forward. This is our new tradition. And that's it. I'm not asking your permission, mom. I love you. But this is where we're going to be and this is what we're doing.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tornado Alley
All right, so tornado-producing conditions that you mentioned are they form through instability in the atmosphere, so a lot of moist, warm air beneath that cooler, drier air. And then something called wind shear, which is when winds are— changing with height, like the winds are changing and then they're changing at different height levels.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tornado Alley
And if you've got that, then you've got a pretty good recipe for a tornado. And it just so happens that those states that you mentioned have a lot of that kind of weather happening thanks to where they are, basically.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tornado Alley
Yeah, and the other thing too is in the areas that you described as tornado alley, at least a lot of them have these big wide open plains. And that's just kind of become the common thing you think about is a tornado that you see way far off in the distance coming at you. And that's not always the case.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tornado Alley
When they happen here in the American South, which, you know, we'll get to the fact that that happens a lot more lately. There are a lot more trees, dense forest. It's not these big wide open plains. So it's just not what you typically think of as tornado country, even though they will rip through Georgia or Alabama or Tennessee just as well as they can anywhere else. Yes.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tornado Alley
Yeah, the 1950s. In fact, it was, I guess, just before we started the podcast in 2007. And I guess I remember talking about this being sort of a new thing at the time, like you said. The enhanced Fujita scale or the EF scale for rating a tornado's intensity or their damage intensity. So that hasn't even been around that long.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tornado Alley
But, you know, how it generally worked was if you're going to count tornadoes, you're literally going to do that. You're going to have people calling in to the weather service. You're going to have just regular citizens. You're going to have maybe people in the government or meteorologists weighing in. But people reporting tornadoes to the NWS is how they keep track of how many tornadoes they are.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tornado Alley
All right. Now I want to go have some tea, so let's take a break. Okay. And we'll be right back.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tornado Alley
Yeah, they're calling this new tornado alley Dixie Alley. Some people are calling it that. Other people are saying, like, no, that's not even a thing. And again, these are the ones that are going maybe through a forest or something, or in the case of Atlanta, that one year, like in the city of Atlanta, which is very scary and weird.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tornado Alley
But there's not really a tornado season like you think of in traditional tornado alley. They can pop up whenever. I think it's more likely here in the south to have a tornado in late winter to early spring. And in the northern plains, it's usually summertime. But all you need – and these are the meteorologists and tornado people try to hammer home. It's like –
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tornado Alley
That's right. We're talking about tornadoes again on the show. We've talked plenty about tornadoes and Tornado Alley, even, but we're going to talk more about it because probably since we did the last update on Tornado Alley, it seems like it might be changing a bit, right?
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tornado Alley
yeah, maybe there's a tornado season, you know, quote unquote season, but like it's an atmospheric condition and that can happen at any time in any place really, as long as those conditions are met.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tornado Alley
Yeah, it's kind of hard to believe after all this time that this is as far along as we are with tornadoes. And I don't know, it just seems like something that you could almost predict it's at a certain point.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tornado Alley
Jeez. So he said in his logbook, tornadoes, not so pure. Exactly. Or very pure, depending on how you look at it, I guess.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tornado Alley
Yeah, we should mention the movie Twisters because that is a, I guess, I don't know what they call them these days, but not a remake of the original Twister movie. But it has long been known that Emily, my wife, loves the movie Twister, the first one. One of her guilty indulgences because otherwise she just basically likes independent film. Yeah. And foreign film and Twister.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tornado Alley
And that's always sort of been the joke in the family. But she was very excited to watch Twisters. We rented it the other night here at the house. The three of us watched it. And Twisters gets three big old thumbs down from our family. Oh, that's a shame. Just not very good, unfortunately.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tornado Alley
Philip Seymour Hoffman and Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt. Sure. It was great. Carrie Elwes, really just a top-notch movie and holds up. So I say don't waste your time with Twisters. Okay. And I hope no one that made that movie or was in that movie listens to the show because they're all great otherwise.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
Yeah, I mean, it's not illegal to not have a name, but try getting through life without a name. It's going to be a big pain. We dare you. Yeah, getting a job, getting a driver's license, just almost anything that you do these days might require some form of identification. And if you don't have a name, it's going to make it challenging.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
Yeah, you can change your name and, you know, depending on your state, there's different ways you can go about that. You can just start using a different name and even without making it like the official legal way, like on formal documents even, Emily changed her spelling of her name and it was just unofficial for many, many years until she finally had it officially changed, which is interesting.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
Or you could name your kid Plan 9, but you'd have to spell out nine.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
Plan 9 Bryant. I think that'd be pretty fun as one word.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
Makes sense. Can't be Jesus Christ or what? Adolf Hitler's on the list too, right?
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
I've always said Nutella, but it probably is Nutella.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
Any kind of racial slur you can't use, or if it's a name intentionally used to commit fraud, like to get out of a debt or something like that, you can't change your name for that reason.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
Maybe we should take a break and we'll talk a little bit more about naming that baby. Ready for this.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
All right. So in the United States, when a birth happens, the parents are legally obligated at some point in time to register that birth with a government entity, vital records department or Department of Health and Human Services, something like that. And every country has a version of something like that. And on that form, you got to fill out the name.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
But it depends on what state you're in as far as like how long you have to decide that it does. You don't have to name your baby before you leave the hospital.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
Former colleague Kristen Conger and host and founder of Unladylike, a great podcast.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
That's right. I guess you could have said, there's mm, and I'm mm, and there's mm.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
Yeah. If you don't have it done beforehand, you don't want to just be thinking of it like right after you give birth.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
Yeah, for sure. If you do wait and you haven't decided in the hospital and you decide, like, let's say the state you live in lets you, like, wait a few months or whatever, it depends on that state, again, on the procedure for adding that in. Like in California is the one Kristen mentions.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
You have to fill out a supplemental name report with the health department and fill that in and say, all right, now we have our baby's name. And they're like, great, now you can get your birth certificate.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
Pretty good name. And I think you have a year in California.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
A dumb joke, because what we're talking about is naming, and specifically sort of like... The rules and laws about naming somebody and having a name and if you need a name legally.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
I didn't see that. That was the Sandra Bullock thing that caught the worldwide storm during COVID, right?
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
Yeah. Middle names haven't always been a thing. I think that the modern idea of a middle name started in the Middle Ages, it seems like. But it was pretty specific back then. They would just give the first name on, you know, whatever they wanted to personalize it. But then the middle name would be a saint's name and then a surname.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
But then that eventually fell out of favor over time to where non-religious middle names became a thing.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
If you don't enter that, they would insert NMI, no middle initial, because not everyone has a middle name. And some people have many. I know that my friend Justin from England, he is – he has three – Two middle names. Is he a bearing or something? Three names and a surname. No, it's just I think it's more common in the U.K. to do something like that. So he's Justin Neil Alexander Stewart.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
So two middle names, one first name, and his surname.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Can You Not Have A Name?
Yeah, this seemed familiar enough to where I thought we might have done it.
Stuff You Should Know
The Group of Seven
A lot of times the big economic forces we hear about on the news show up in our lives in small ways.
Stuff You Should Know
The Group of Seven
And I'm Stacey Vanek-Smith. Every Friday, we will be diving into the biggest stories in business, taking a look at what's going on, why it matters, and how it shows up in our everyday lives.
Stuff You Should Know
The Group of Seven
So listen to Everybody's Business on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
The Group of Seven
A lot of times the big economic forces we hear about on the news show up in our lives in small ways.
Stuff You Should Know
The Group of Seven
And I'm Stacey Vanek-Smith. Every Friday, we will be diving into the biggest stories in business, taking a look at what's going on, why it matters, and how it shows up in our everyday lives.
Stuff You Should Know
The Group of Seven
So listen to Everybody's Business on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
The Group of Seven
A lot of times, big economic forces show up in our lives in small ways.
Stuff You Should Know
The Group of Seven
And I'm Stacey Vanek-Smith. So listen to Everybody's Business on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
The Group of Seven
A lot of times, big economic forces show up in our lives in small ways.
Stuff You Should Know
The Group of Seven
And I'm Stacey Vanek-Smith. So listen to everybody's business on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
WWII Sabotage Spotlight: Operation Gunnerside
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Stuff You Should Know
WWII Sabotage Spotlight: Operation Gunnerside
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Stuff You Should Know
WWII Sabotage Spotlight: Operation Gunnerside
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Stuff You Should Know
The Scribble on Scrabble
You want to hear something funny? What? Every time I looked at that word, I said Colco.
Stuff You Should Know
The Scribble on Scrabble
That's why you strip search. Yeah. Is that in the Scrabble dictionary?
Stuff You Should Know
The Scribble on Scrabble
Mm-hmm. You should have told me this was a bit. Five pointers, you get your K. K. Okay.
Stuff You Should Know
The Scribble on Scrabble
Right. Should we take a break? I like how this is headed. Yeah. All right. We'll be right back.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
But the way that they made fun of it was to humiliate and embarrass women who normally wouldn't have participated in a traditional beauty contest. That's right. Rather than celebrating them, they pointed out all the reasons why they couldn't have made it on a real beauty contest. It was just some of the quotes I read were really, really mean. And yeah, it was a hit show at the time.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
And I totally get why. It just never got me in that way. You know what I mean?
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
I think it was just on for a couple of years, but that was seems to be about how long his shows lasted. But they were like huge flashes in the pan sometimes. Not all the time. He had some flops, but he would, you know, a show like that would be on for a few years and then it'd just be gone.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah. Again, I mean, that's how things were. It's really like changed for the better in so many ways because, yeah, like I'm like I'm sure grown men were just laughing so hard at those insults. It's just crazy.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
I can't redo it. It'll just be a disappointment. Oh, man.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, and at the time, this is 1974, this is like you pretty much were in the TV industry to know, to have heard really of Chuck Beres and know what he was doing. He was not a cultural icon yet. So there was a chance at the time that he could have been remembered for an author, but he made a huge fateful decision in 1976, and we'll talk about that fateful decision right after this. It's like...
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
So we're not talking specifically just about The Gong Show. We're talking about the guy who is routinely wrongly attributed for creating The Gong Show. And the reason why is because he was a legendary game show producer, and he hosted The Gong Show, and his name was Chuck Barris.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
But just to kind of clear the air right out of the gate, The Gong Show was actually created by Chris Beard, who would go on to become a legendary creator of another cult classic called Sherman Oaks in the 90s. I never watched that.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, but the celebrity panel, and we're talking like celebrities of 20 years before panel. Right. Or if they were active celebrities, like say Jamie Farr, they were like B-list maybe.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Right. Right. But they the celebrity judges on the panel had to wait 45 seconds.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
He couldn't bang the gong 45 seconds. So you'll see some gong shows where Jamie Farr is just standing there at the gong waiting for that 40, 46 second so he can hit it. And then if they made it 90 seconds, that's when they would judge and potentially win.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
And it was just so I found a description of it. This is Encyclopedia Britannica. It was, quote, part talent show, parentheses, most contestants conspicuously lacked talent. Yeah. Part demented variety show. That's Encyclopedia Britannica describing this.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, like he would hide his face by pulling hats, like big old hats that he would wear down over his eyes. And he'd be talking to the audience like continuing on the show, but he clearly wanted to crawl into that hat and hide. He was beyond awkward. So when you put all this stuff together, like bad talent acts... That aren't trying to be bad in some cases.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
A really weird, awkward host that's clearly uncomfortable hosting a game show. And then, you know, these, like you said, celebrity judges on the panel hamming it up. Like you have a cult classic today, but at the time there was nothing even remotely like this that anyone had ever done ever. It was totally groundbreaking.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
I feel like I had heard of it, but I really don't think I ever saw it. There's a lot of the 90s I probably don't remember, but, you know, I don't think I watched Sherman Oaks.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
I was two, but even I knew that at the time that that was a groundbreaking show. You said, Mama, groundbreaking? That's right.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, they would go on to their biggest hit was Weird Science.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, but I mean, their big hit was that. And then the other one was Dead Man's Party, which I think they played at a party and back to school.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah. So Danny Elfman, he was a huge composer, especially in the late 80s, early 90s. I mean, he did some really high profile stuff, one of which was the Simpsons theme. Oh, yeah.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah. He also a lot of Tim Burton stuff, too. He also did the theme. He composed the theme to Pee Wee Herman. Pee Wee Herman's. I don't know if it was Pee Wee's Playhouse, but certainly Pee Wee's Big Adventure. He composed that. And that's interesting because they actually could have potentially crossed paths on the gong show because Oingo Boingo wasn't the only one on there.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Paul Rubens was as he was kind of trying to start to develop his Pee Wee Herman character.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like our 70s and our 60s combined.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
So she was the one she recorded that disco hit got to be real.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
You know that song. I don't know. Please don't make me continue. No, it's okay. I'll look it up. So, yes, she released a disco hit, among other things from what I know. But there's one more thing I wanted to mention about Paul Rubens. He didn't always do Pee Wee.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
One of the things he did, and I could not find a video of it, but I saw it written of, he impersonated a dripping faucet as one of his acts.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, we saw his, Yumi and I went to Los Angeles and saw his live Pee Wee's Playhouse show. It was really good. And, yes, he was trapped in Pee Wee Herman for the most part, but he did a great turn in Mystery Men as the spleen, remember? Yeah. Good God.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, you literally can fill more than a full day of programming every week of new stuff. That's crazy. Yeah.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
My goodness. So the original version was one of the most abhorrent ideas anyone's ever come up with for a game show. It was you were going to have a man and his wife and then the man's mistress. Yeah. And the mistress and the wife would compete answering questions like on the newlywed game to see who knew him better. Unbelievable. Can you imagine? And apparently they made a pilot. Oh, yeah.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
I can't like think about how ruined those people's lives were. Like even if it sounded like a lark at the time, like just to just to go through that in actuality had to be totally different from the idea of it. So he revamped it a little bit and then replaced the mistress with the secretary. And it was still the same format.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
And even that alone proved to be extremely awkward and uncomfortable to watch.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Sure. Sure. So that didn't last very long, and that one seemed to really draw the most ire. He got the Grand Gobbler Award that year from the National Organization for Women, which dubbed him the year's largest living turkey. And he'd been doing this for decades already, but that's how bad that show was, that they gave him that.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
And they said that this was from his lifetime body of work, but that's how bad Three's a Crowd was received. Um, and, uh, apparently the United auto workers also came out against it, um, because they represented a lot of women workers back then. So the UAW and now came out against it really hard. And he ended up just saying like, you know what? Forget it. I'm done.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Not just am I going to like fade into the background and keep producing shows. He, I think sold Chuck Barris productions and just retreated.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, it was a flop right out of the gates, not just with critics, but with audiences, too. And I watched a couple trailers for it. And, I mean, he didn't seem to have really gotten rid of the slapstick element. So he tried to combine a serious, sympathetic look at his life with slapstick. And, yeah, it did not work at all. Have you ever seen Ringmaster, the Jerry Springer movie? No.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
No, it's a slightly fictionalized version where he plays himself, kind of like our TV show. But it is like there's no way Jerry Springer didn't watch the gong show movie and say, like, I want to remake that. It's basically what he did.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
You want to take a break and come back for the rest of this?
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Okay, Chuck, like you said, in 1984, Chuck Beres released an autobiography called Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. The subtitle was an unauthorized autobiography, which is pretty funny.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
And in it, he recounts, apparently as far as the critics were concerned, like pretty masterfully, he recounts his life as a game show producer, as a hated... destroyer of civility and taste across American culture and just how he dealt with that.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
But some of the other parts were also part of his life at the time, mixed in, where he was going abroad as a CIA hitman and carrying out contract killings for the CIA, 33 of them by his count. And he would describe these in graphic detail. Apparently, there was one where he writes about having broken some guy's front teeth because he jammed the gun with the silencer in there.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
And it's really graphic stuff. And he's writing about this totally matter-of-factly and seemingly totally unironic, as if he's revealing to the world that he was both this legendary producer and secretly at the same time a hitman.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
I thought you were going to say, like, something new came up about him or something like that recently. So how did you think of Chuck Beres? Like, are you always just walking around with Chuck Beres in the back of your mind?
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, I thought it was if I remember correctly, I thought it was pretty good.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Wait, wait, you got to finish the rest. Like this Ed Gorman guy really missed the mark, if you ask me.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
What's weird to me is it doesn't seem that anyone just took it as face value is not even a metaphor, just an interesting thing that he did in his autobiography to punch it up. Everybody seems to just be totally perplexed by it.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
The best explanation I saw, apparently he hinted in some interviews that he used it as a device to point out that all of those critics and people in government who criticized him so openly and so meanly in a lot of cases, too, would also have totally praised him for killing on behalf of the American government.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
That seems like a stretch as well, but it's better than Ed Gorman's interpretation, I think.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah. I mean, through and through, over and over again. So like I was saying a couple of times, at the time, this is just how things were. So it really goes to show just how much over the line he went, that he was roundly criticized and made fun of and mocked by people for the level of misogyny his shows displayed. That's how misogynistic his shows were in a lot of cases. Yeah.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
No, it languished in obscurity for 20 years before his friend Andrew Lazar, a producer, picked it up. Apparently, he sold less than 1,000 copies, which was about 1% of the run, I guess, well, the first run. They later re-released it when the movie came out. But yeah, one of his friends was like, you know, I've always thought this was a pretty cool book. Let's see what Charlie Kaufman can do to it.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
So they had Charlie Kaufman write a screenplay based on the book and no one's ever seen that. No one, as far as I know, I don't know that no one's ever seen it. There's a script out there that he wrote, but it never got made because George Clooney came along. And like I said, made the decision of, Nope, we're going to present all this as face value. We're not going to do anything weird with it.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
We're just going to basically shoot the movie version of his, his book.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, in the movie, I think that was George Clooney's directorial debut. They treat it like, yeah, it's part of his life narrative.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah. I wonder if the script is out there. Surely somebody had the wherewithal to be like, this needs to be out there in the world.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah. And then he followed that up with being John Malkovich or vice versa. I can't remember. No, no.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah. Yeah. I would like to read that script, too. The movie itself. Did you notice? I don't know if this is just my interpretation, but in the early 2000s, about the first decade, movies were like overly polished, overly tight. Yeah. The Bob Crane movie. What was that one?
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Which is an interesting choice, but also it kind of gets you out of, like, really getting caught in the weeds of trying to explore if it was true and if it's not, why he did that.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Right. Yes. It was just everything is just too polished, too perfect.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
And I think that was the Confessions of a Dangerous Mind was another good example. Catch Me If You Can, I think, is the pinnacle example of this, where these movies are so refined and so polished and so clearly done by Hollywood people who've been doing it for so long that they've kind of lost.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
The not edge, but just the heart of what they're doing, that it's not actually particularly entertaining for me.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
So, spoiler alert, Chuck Beres died. He died in 2017 at the ripe old age of 87, although it's not entirely clear if he was 87, 88, 86. Right, yeah. But that's what they put down in his obituary at 87. He also wrote some other books over the years. He did a follow-up to Confessions of a Dangerous Mind called... What was it called? Bad Grass Never Dies, I think, that he released in 2004.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
And he doesn't mention – he talks about a lot of the same scenes, does not mention any of the CIA stuff in that one. Yeah.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah. And I think he was toying with people. I'm not sure, but that's my take. And he said that he wanted to be remembered, I think, as a novelist, I think you said. And that's just not how he was remembered. But apparently he was a good enough author that – He's also remembered in part as a novelist. Yeah. Chuck Beres. There's one other thing. He invented syndication, Chuck. Oh, really? Yeah.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
He created a game called Parent Game. And in 1972, ABC was like, no, we don't actually want to do this. So he bought the rights to the game back from them and went directly to stations and sold it to stations, hence creating the entire concept of syndication.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Well, Chuck said he was kind of a kooky guy. And as anyone who's ever listened to Stuff You Should Know Before knows that Chuck just unlocked listener mail.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Thanks a lot, Michael. We really appreciate that. That was a huge miss. And thanks for following up and letting us tell everybody else that we got it wrong because that is pretty important. And we got a lot of emails from a lot of people about the ADHD episode. So thanks to everybody who wrote in.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, for sure. We actually got people who were like, I had no idea that I had ADHD until I listened to this episode and realized you were talking about me beat for beat. Like, I can't. That's just nuts that we're running around diagnosing people with ADHD with the podcast.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, for sure. So if you want to make us feel good or you want to point out something we got wrong, doesn't matter. You can do it via email. Send it off to stuffpodcasts at iheartradio.com.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
The Ayatollah was on people's minds in the mid to late 70s. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, this guy was born in 1929. Apparently, when you read about interviews that he's given... Like he was born in 29, 30, 31, 32. Like he is not huge on keeping up with consistent details. And I still don't know whether that was intentional.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Like, was he toying with people all this time or did he just not pay attention to that kind of thing? Because he had bigger stuff going on.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Welcome to Stuff You Should Know, a production of iHeartRadio.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, that was what he wanted to do was crack into TV. He even went so far as to marry the niece of the founder of CBS.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
A woman named Lynn Levy. But, yeah, in the context of his ambitions, you're like, like, what's that? Like, you know, deliberate kind of thing. Who knows? I guess it doesn't really matter.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Talk about keeping up appearances. Yeah. So, yeah, he started out like Kenneth from 30 Rock, didn't last. And then I don't know how it happened, but he ended up getting an assignment from ABC. So he started at NBC, moved to ABC. And his sole job was to go babysit Dick Clark to make sure that he wasn't accepting bribes or being a corrupt host of American Bandstand. That was his job. In his 20s.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Hey, and welcome to the podcast. I'm Josh, and there's Chuck, and Jerry's here too. And this is Stuff You Should Know. And if this were The Gong Show, we would have been gone a very long time ago, I believe.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah. And it was supposed to last just a couple of weeks. It ended up lasting a year. And then very interestingly, he kept copious notes. Every day he would write up like a minute, detailed account of everything that happened on set that day. And he would also include jokes and like parts of his philosophy and stuff like that.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
And it turned into like a 700 page document that ended up bailing Dick Clark out.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah. He also said, hey, by the way, have you ever thought about getting into songwriting? And in fact, Dick Clark set him up with Freddie Boom Boom Cannon, a top recording artist at the time and a friend of Dick Clark's. And he recorded a song, Palisades Park, that Chuck Beres wrote. And it made it to like number three on the Billboard charts. Oh, yeah. I know that song.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
And I think in 1962, I think it was. Yeah. Yeah. And the Beach Boys ended up covering it. So that alone probably made him quite a quite successful right out right off the bat.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, that's right. Nice catch. Because we're talking about Chucky Baby, the original one, not you, the Chucky Baby.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah. So that was huge that he struck out on his own. And in fact, shortly after that, he founded Chuck Beres Productions. That was 1965. So probably as the door was still swinging behind him at ABC.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Which, by the way, you said he was the director of daytime programs. Apparently he didn't like that title. So he changed his official title to Duke of Daytime. Yeah. That's the kind of guy he was. This guy's working his way up, and that's one of the things he does, right? So it does make sense that he goes off and founds his own production company with a $20,000 loan from his stepdad.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
And that ended up paying off because in 1965, he developed the dating game, turned around and sold it to his former employer, ABC. And it was basically off the bat a smash hit. In that it was innovative. It was a pioneering game show. Up to this point, like you said, this was all new. People answered questions on quiz shows or there were puzzles or something like that.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
No one was doing this kind of thing. And Chuck Berris literally came up with it. Sorry, he genuinely, sincerely came up with it. And it was it just it put him on the map and just kind of showed everybody what he could do for better or worse, like you were saying.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah. And plus also at that time, too, that was fully socially supported.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Men could be total creeps and put their hands on women. And it was pretty much like, yeah, that's just the way things are at the time, too.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Good movie, though. So he followed up the dating game with the newlywed game. Huge. Very similar, except, well, not that similar. I mean, the format was different enough that it's not the exact same game. But he took married couples. We've talked about this before, I think, on our game shows episode. Yeah.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
And he would separate the husbands and keep the wives back and ask them questions about what their husband would answer, say to some question. Then he'd bring the husbands out and they'd go through and see if their answers matched. And then invariably, like they would get it wrong and some wives would get mad if they got it right. Some couples would kiss. It was like very cute.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
They were newlyweds, right? But the content of both the dating game and the newlywed game were so raunchy that in a lot of cases, there were segments of the dating game that Chuck Beres was like, well, can't use that because the guy mentioned his junk in a really vulgar term. Like junk?
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Uh, yeah, it was a, I was a baby when it started. I think I might've not been born quite yet when it started, but yeah, it was not something I watched as a toddler.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Exactly. He said he said even he was surprised at first. That's not what he was going for. But when it started to when he could get enough of the innuendo and everything out as produced shows that were aired and the popularity that they were met with, he's like, well, I guess this is the direction I'm going.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, that was also partially deliberate on his part because I read an interview with him and he said that like a wife will bonk her husband over the head with like the card that she has the answer written on if he gets a question wrong when there's a toaster at stake. But if you have like a yacht at stake, that completely changes the dynamic of the game and takes away all the fun. Yeah.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
We could have won a yacht. Exactly. But at the same time, he also said that like the newlywed game was also famous for couples just going totally gaga over pretty mundane prizes.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
And the other couples would be upset or they'd look kind of upset that they didn't win. And he said that he would do pre-interviews with people and ask what their dream prize was. And then he would put together three couples that all had the same dream prize. So it would hurt that much more when they didn't get it. So.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
I don't know which one's true or maybe both are true, but that's another example of him speaking out of both sides of his mouth, which he did a lot.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah. Well, that's what they got, whether they liked it or not. The most exotic place in the world at the time. Oh, man. Acapulco was so big back then. I didn't even know anything about Acapulco. Is it still around? No. I believe it's still around. I don't think it's fallen into the ocean yet.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, I saw some reruns. I was never, I mean, I can understand the gong show is a cult classic.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, I'm glad that was the one you chose. That was I was like, what is that? And I researched and I was like, you have to be kidding me.
Stuff You Should Know
GONG: The Chuck Barris Story
Yeah, the guy who wore a really bad toupee and would throw confetti all the time. He's great. Yeah, he was great. So, yeah, that show was one of the ones that Chuck Beres really took a lot of heat for. It was described by him as a spoof of pageants, right? So they were making fun of actual pageants.
Stuff You Should Know
Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
All right. We're going to take a break and we're going to talk about the rise of fentanyl right after this.
Stuff You Should Know
Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, not very jokey because we're talking about fentanyl. And while a great painkiller, a very effective painkiller, it has sadly become the most deadly street drug in the United States. And we're going to tell you how that happened.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
So one reason we've seen a surge in overdoses for something like this is something called the iron law prohibition that was coined in 1986 by an economist named Richard Cowan. And it's basically saying that, hey, if you ban something that people like doing, something's going to come along and it's probably going to be a stronger version.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
The reason they call it the law of prohibition is because that's what happened when People were like, all right, you're going to take our beer. We're going to start making gin in our bathtubs and moonshine out in the woods. And the rise of crack in the 1980s, the same thing. And they're basically saying fentanyl is basically the same deal.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. It's not like, Hey, this is, we're making the drugs cheaper now. So we're just going to give you a break on this. Uh, there was one study that found between 2013 and 2021, the, um, the percentage of heroin that had fentanyl rose from less than 1% to 40% over, what is that, eight years.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
And of course, that's going to lead to a huge number of overdoses because A, you've got these batches that are coming out that the potency has got a pretty dramatic range from one batch to another sometimes. And then people, for a long time, I think the word is finally out now, and we're going to talk about that a little bit later, but
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
people that were heroin users thought they were getting heroin and knew how much heroin to take safely.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, and by the way, when I said safely do heroin, I hope I'm clear that doing heroin is never safe. I just meant heroin users would know how much they can take without overdosing.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Okay, I just wanted to make sure people knew what I was talking about there.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Okay, good. So the other, you know, problems with fentanyl is that it has a really intense rush when it's first used. Apparently it's more of a head rush than a body rush. So it can be a little more, you can be a little more active as a user than maybe doing heroin and just like passing out on your couch for hours and hours. Um, it's also dangerous cause the high is only an hour or two.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
So, uh, you know, heroin high lasts longer. So that short duration is gonna, you know, have people using more frequently. And every time you use fentanyl, it's just another chance to overdose basically.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. I mean, it can happen like a fentanyl overdose can happen in seconds, right?
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, it certainly can be. Another thing that makes it more deadly is that people started changing how they used it. Among people who died from illegal fentanyl overdoses, the portion who injected dropped 42% over just a two-year period between 2020 and 2022. And they generally started smoking it. That jumped to 79%. I believe people also can snort the powder
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
But just the fact that people aren't injecting it as much kind of, you know, if you connect the dots, somebody might dive into using it a little quicker if they're like, hey, just snort this thing instead of, hey, shoot up this thing.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. And if you're smoking it or snorting it, it doesn't stay in your body as long as if you shoot it. So, again, just another case of it wears off quicker and you're going to want to use it again. And that's just another overdose opportunity.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. And, you know, we're talking about smoking it and snorting it and like powder in a bag kind of stuff. But the real... And the real problem, all of it is, of course, but the real, real scary thing is the fact that these are generally sold and the U.S. seizes pills. I think by late 2021, more than a quarter of the fentanyl seized was in pill form.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
And a lot of these pills are they look like something else. You hear stories on the news about a kid that did not want to take fentanyl that thought they were taking something else. And it ended up being either laced with fentanyl or largely fentanyl. And they overdose without even knowing they took it.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, for sure. Or if you say you want to use some cocaine, you're like, hey, that's my thing. Do it every now and then on a Saturday night. I'm going to get some of that stuff. For the same reasons heroin is cut with fentanyl, cocaine can be as well. So that's not even the same kind of high. You're looking for cocaine. You may never in your life have taken anything like morphine or heroin.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
And all of a sudden you're snorting fentanyl without knowing it and you're on the floor.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, like 100 times more potent than morphine, 50 times more potent than heroin, created by a gentleman named Paul Janssen of the Janssen Company in Belgium. And it was originally developed as an intravenous anesthetic, like for surgery. And they started out with a synthetic opioid as the base called Meparidine, I guess. Mm-hmm. And that was developed in the 1930s.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
All right. Well... I guess we can talk a little bit about where it comes from. A lot of it that smuggled into the U.S. was originally made in China. But in 2019, China said you cannot produce or sell fentanyl anymore. And some people stopped doing it, but a lot of manufacturers continue doing so, sometimes through legit means that, you know, made it very easy to ship.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
But then they also turn to the black market to ship directly to customers in the U.S. and Europe. Or, hey, let's let's ship the stuff over to Mexico and these cartels and they can just kind of put it together there and work as the distributor for us.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. Another myth we can kind of bust here as far as where it comes from is that in recent years, there have been politicians that have tried to link the influx of fentanyl in the United States to illegal immigration. And there was a poll in 2022 that found that 40 percent of Americans that most fentanyl entering the country was being smuggled by illegal immigrants, basically.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
And that's that's not true. The truth is, is that most of this drug comes through legal points of entry. And when it does, it is smuggled in in vehicles driven by U.S. citizens.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, for sure. Should we take another break? Mm-hmm. All right, we'll be back and talk about punishment and harm reduction right after this. It's sufficient.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
And so they had this sort of a paradigm as the base. They changed it around a little, altered the chemical structure a little bit because what they wanted was something that had fewer negative side effects, something that was safer to use. And they were able to do that with with fentanyl. I mean, it it. Initially, it worked great.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
It had a very fast onset, had a very high therapeutic index, which is how they measure the ratio between how effective a dose is and how you could get to a toxic dose. So if you've got a high number and a greater difference, then that's good.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Well, let's say this. I don't remember anything growing up in the 80s that said, let's help these people addicted to crack.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Throw away the key is what you got. So, yeah, I don't think that's cynical. I think that's absolutely the truth. So thankfully, they're taking a little bit different approach. We've gotten a little bit smarter about this stuff. And now we're focusing or trying to focus on harm. What's called harm reduction techniques, basically trying to keep people from dying.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
A bunch of different things have been tried and a lot of it has been fairly effective as we're seeing, like the numbers going down and overdoses, but distributing test strips. So if you buy a pill or if you buy cocaine or something and you have a test strip, you can test to see if that drug has fentanyl before you use it. Or maybe your dealer even offers that service.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. I mean, if you want to be a... And again... I say reputable drug dealer with sort of scare quotes, but I would imagine that's a good thing to do is say, hey, this stuff is pure. I got a test strip here and you can test it to make sure that you can be a repeat customer and not dead on the sidewalk.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. I mean, these newer generations may demand return policy.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
So another thing that they can do is, you know, there are safe places where people can go use the drugs while people watch out for you. The drug users themselves seem to have wisened up a little bit because of all the news and probably seeing their friends die very sadly. But They may take, you know, dip their toe in the water a little bit at first and take a smaller dose.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Or they may, if they're with a group that's using, stagger the doses so people can be standing by with that Narcan in case one of their friends passes out.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
But I did mention Narcan, and that is the brand name for Naloxone or Nalaxone. And that can reverse an overdose and, like, I have only one anecdotal example. I don't know if it always works this way, but one day, quite a few years ago, a car just kind of pulled around the corner and parked across the street. And this dude got out of the car and his girlfriend was like passed out.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
And it was clear that it was a drug thing. Luckily, my cross street neighbor's a nurse. She called 911 immediately and They showed up with Narcan and dude, they injected that. And this girl was walking around and like saying, can I get, can we leave now? Like minutes later.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. But I mean, I don't know what happens after that. All I saw was this snapshot where she was like, I want to get out of here. And I don't know what the law the laws are as far as that kind of stuff goes. But the the ambulance, I don't think, is allowed to call the cops on you, if I'm not mistaken. I think they're just like, OK, I guess you can go.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Those laws are called something. What is it?
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. And I didn't look this up, but can't you just buy Narcan?
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. I mean, in the brainstem, there are a couple of regions, the medulla and the pons, and they control the depth and rate of breathing. But both of those have a lot of opioid receptors. So if you do fentanyl and they attach to those receptors, which they will. They can change the behaviors of the cells such that they just stop working and you just literally just stop breathing.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. So basically, if you... If you want to take that deep breath, if you've sensed like you're in trouble and like, oh man, I got to get a big breath of air here. You just do that normally. But little small increases in CO2 are sensed in the carotid body. It's a little small cluster of cells in the neck. They're going to spur that increase in breathing to remove that excess CO2.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
But if that's not working... and that emergency sort of fail-safe is switched off, then again, you can't even get that big breath to save yourself.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
I was waiting to see if you were going to come up with like a fourth way to say puking. Did I say a bunch of different ways? You said like three. You like spit it up or vomit it up or choke it up.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Oh, God. So as far as treatment goes, it kind of goes in lockstep with what they do for heroin. It's called medication assisted treatment or MAT. That's kind of the gold standard. We're talking about either methadone or how do you say that? Buprenorphine. Buprenorphine. If you get methadone, it's going to be done in a clinic.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
It's not like they just hand that out at the pharmacy, which means you have to go to that clinic. You got to wait in line a lot of times. You got to do it there. The other one, I believe, is given in the form or I guess the brand name Suboxone. And I think you can you can get that prescribed.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
But a lot of people are like, hey, you know, go to drug rehab and just quit doing all this stuff because you're still on another drug if you're going to a methadone clinic every day.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. So we busted the myth about illegal immigrants smuggling this into the country earlier. There was another myth. apparently police departments kind of spread this one, that touching fentanyl at all or inhaling just trace amounts can overdose you. Apparently that came from a 2016 USDA advisory that claimed that was possible.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. And then I don't think I've mentioned, but it was 1960 was when it first came on the scene. Europe started using it in 63, came to the U.S. in 68 and approved by the FDA only by combining it with a tranquilizing drug called Draperidol because they said, you know, that combination makes it even a lower potential for abuse. So you have to use it with that.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
But this is sort of annoying because it's not, you know, generally absorbed through the skin. They have those transdermal patches, but it's not like helping someone or like shaking somebody on the ground or something can get it into your skin that way.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Or inhaling enough to overdose you is like there's no way you would accidentally inhale enough to overdose.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, for sure. Another myth, I guess the final myth that we can bust is if you hear somebody saying like, you know, all these unhoused people on the streets, it's all because of fentanyl. They're homeless now. They're in your neighborhoods. And it's because of this epidemic.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
I'm sure that has happened where people, you know, can't pay their rent and they're on the street because of an addiction like that. Sometimes people turn to drugs after the fact if they are unhoused. But If you look at it on a macro level, the data shows that the reason America has an unhoused crisis like we do now is mainly because of the cost of housing. It's not drug use.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
It's not mental illness. It's not unemployment. Even all those things are a factor. Not saying they don't count, but it's the cost of housing.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. The drug that was okayed by the FDA and that, you know, wealthy pharmaceutical families in this country got rich off of.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, I mean, there could be it's probably most of these things combined when you look at it on a bird's eye perspective. A lot of people say the testing strips have made a big deal, that Narcan has made a big difference, that MAT treatment has made a big difference. One reason is because drug users have gotten a little bit smarter, like I mentioned earlier.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
But over time, that kind of waned and those limitations were lifted little by little until we got to the mid 1980s when they had, you know, cheaper generic versions available. And it was pretty commonly used in surgery and like post-surgical recovery with like skin patches and lozenges and stuff like that for pain management.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Some people are trying to avoid it altogether. Mm-hmm. Some people are, like I said, dipping their toe in the pond or making sure their friends don't overdose. One of the saddest possible factors is that so many people have died off. There just aren't as many active users anymore for that reason.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Or Gen X is a generation of liars.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I was a good boy growing up, but I certainly I feel like all my friends were doing all the drugs.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Well, I mean, there's definitely improved international cooperation between the United States and other countries just to reduce the supply. The U.S. and Mexico has gotten together and they've been working together for a while now trying to intercept those drug shipments and trying to, you know, mess up the cartel and what their activities, what the cartel is doing.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
I think in 2024 last year, the amount of fentanyl crossing that border dropped by about 20 percent. So that's pretty good.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, I'd say not even probably. Let's say definitely not. Okay.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
All right, this is another two-parter on disaster movies, because we heard from two African-American listeners, because I specifically asked, like... How mad are you about the fact that black people get killed in movies and horror movies and disaster movies routinely? And that's just such a well-known trope. And we heard from a couple of faithful listeners.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Hey, guys, you asked if it's still a thing amongst black people about being the first to die in scary movies. Yes, it is still a running joke, of course. But there's more to it now, I found. I'm finding as an African-American and avid movie watcher, the new thing is the black person often dies in sacrifice of something or someone else.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
So, yes, we still may go first in the film, but often for a noble cause. I guess that makes it more palatable. LOL. That is from Serena. And then this is from Kevin. First of all, I'm a casual fan of this subgenre. Enjoy the exciting thrills that come with it. For years, it's become common knowledge that black people will rarely lead
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
or survive to the end of those movies, as well as other genre movies like horror or rom-com,
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
mainstream hollywood it doesn't make me mad though guys because at the end of the day i just want the escapism of the movie i don't want to think about the socio-economics behind everything but i understand that hollywood has catered to a white audience since the beginning as they figure that this is a safe bet financially and minorities are expendable my movie watching friends pretty much know who will survive and who will hook up and we just want to enjoy the show but i am glad to live in a time where we are having more representation behind the scenes
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
I don't know. But I know that Richard Roundtree is almost always the hero.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, it will produce relaxation feelings, pleasure, sleepiness. You can also get nauseous, dizziness, confusion, vomiting, urinary retention, breathing issues. As we'll see later on, that's basically why you usually OD. It's because of breathing issues. And besides the overdose risk, which is great, you could also have a heart attack, heart failure, mood disorders, immune system problems.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
For all these reasons, it's a Schedule II narcotic with a high potential for abuse.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, exactly. And most of what we're going to be talking about is sort of the illegal, illicitly produced market. But there are fentanyl users that do get like the real stuff from, I'm not sure how they get it, whatever connection they have. And they'll just have to, you know, it's not like in a pill or a powder. So it'll be like a patch or something that they might freeze or
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
And hold in their mouth or they might remove the gel and then eat it or inject it or something like that. But usually what we're talking about, the really dangerous stuff is the powders and the pills that are being made illegally and either brought into this country or being made in this country, but usually brought into this country.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, exactly. It doesn't necessarily mean it's the same exact chemical structure. It's just sort of a catch-all. Like Pitbull.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
No, no, no. Pitbull the dog breed, which isn't really a dog breed.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, there's all kinds of terriers that people just call Pitbulls.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. Well, speaking of waves, there have kind of been three. And this is just sort of an overview of the opioid addiction crisis in the U.S. that's been going on for, you know, 10, 15 years. The first wave was in the 90s, and that's when you got prescription opioids from your doctor. Those really rose dramatically because they do a really good job.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
But that's also, you know, in lockstep with fatal opioid overdoses. They doubled between 99 and 2010. And 2010 was when things started to change for a second wave because the government was like, you can't be writing all these prescriptions like this to doctors and to manufacturers. Like, you got to change your formula. It's like this stuff is way too readily abused. So you got to do something.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, and that was the second wave in fatal overdoses of heroin because of that largely quadrupled between 2002 and 2013.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
The third wave is the one we're kind of mainly going to be talking about that started in about 2013 and mainly centers around illegally, illicitly produced fentanyl and all the various harmful ways it can find your way into your body, even sometimes even if you don't want to be taking fentanyl.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. In 2022, deaths from fentanyl alone were 76,226 people or 69 percent of total overdose deaths and 90 percent of the opioid overdose deaths.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, well, fentanyl has hit such a high that it's actually had a real impact on U.S. life expectancy. It takes a lot to change a number like that, but fentanyl seems to have done it in 2022 only.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Opioid-related deaths resulted in 3.1 million years of lost life because a lot of these users are young, and if you OD at 22, they calculate the average lifespan and do the subtraction, and that's your number.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
So that, you know, a lot of middle-aged white people without a college degree are the victims, so much so, and this is startling, but from that class, middle-aged white people without a college degree They are dying earlier on average than their parents did.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
That's not how it's supposed to work.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah. Well, here's the deal, though, is researchers have looked at these numbers. I think they declared this a public health emergency in 2017. And what they're finding is and this has been corroborated from other surveys and, you know, metadata studies and stuff. is there aren't more overdose deaths because more people are using it.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
It's not just like, oh, well, more people are doing it, so more people are dying. It seems like it's because this stuff is more dangerous. It's getting in places that it shouldn't get because usage has actually declined some over the past like eight years, right?
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
Yeah, for sure. It also sort of goes in lockstep with the income disparity in the United States and the decline in fortunes for a lot of people in this country. Overdosing is basically what they call it is a disease of despair when people are destitute and when they're down or depressed or having really hard times.
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Fentanyl: Actually As Dangerous As They Say
A lot of times drugs can be a distraction or if you are a casual drug user, it could get worse during that time. And they found in 2017, they studied counties in the U.S. and found that those with the lowest social capital, meaning networks that can help people with financial security and achieving goals, they had the highest rate of overdose.
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The Story of Tavern on the Green
My goal is to really destigmatize mental health treatment and looking at it from a whole health perspective. Physical health and mental health can be intertwined.
Stuff You Should Know
The Story of Tavern on the Green
My goal is to really destigmatize mental health treatment and looking at it from a whole health perspective. Physical health and mental health can be intertwined.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah. And, you know, one of the ways that happened was, and we're going to talk about sort of different versions of this here and there in this episode, but environmental trading markets emerged. And that came from Canada, actually, an economist named J.H. Dales in 1968. But the 80s and 90s are when they really kind of started flying off the shelf.
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The Tragedy of the Commons
But that's like when the government comes in with a regulation, let's say, to cap whatever. In this case, like let's say they're capping emissions on.
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The Tragedy of the Commons
Baseball caps. I need to get rid of some baseball caps. So that's great.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
I just gave away a second one because it was too big, but your head is too small for this thing.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
So let's say it's fisheries because we're going to talk about fisheries a lot. So, you know, the government will come in and say, hey, you're overfishing. So we're going to cap how many fish you can harvest or make it a certain size in a certain area or something like that. And then here's your permit, fishery A, and here's your permit, fishery B and fishery C. And they grant these permits.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
But, and this is the key to the ETMs, environmental trading markets, the word trade, you can trade as, i.e., buy and sell these permits, which, and this is something that I don't fully understand, or maybe I do understand, and that's the whole point. But if company A is...
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Uh, well, let's say it's, uh, environmental, um, like, Hey, um, you're a factory and we're incentivizing you to clean up your, your pollution and here's your permit or whatever.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
If company A does a really good job and does the right thing and comes in like way under the amount of emissions that they're supposed to hit by simply selling that to company B, who's like, man, we're not too good at that. I mean, is it creating like, doesn't that kind of defeat the whole purpose?
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
That's what I don't get. If one company is lowering their output, but another one is increasing theirs because they just bought the other companies, then how is that a net loss? Yeah.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
You know what's funny? You're going to laugh at me here. They're all going to laugh at you. The central area of my high school was called the Commons. Yeah. And it just occurred to me 35 years or so after I graduated that that's what that meant.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Does that make sense? Well, yeah. The thing I still don't get, though, is – Is the company that's, you know, buying extra emissions, whatever, output from the company that's, like, really good at it, are they allowed to go over the cap?
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Well, either way, it became a big deal in the 80s. And by the end of the 80s, the World Bank referred to tragedy of the commons as, quote, the dominant paradigm within which social scientists assess natural resource issues. Mm hmm. So, I mean, you can't like there's a bunch of different policies in a bunch of different areas.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
So you can't just look at the entire thing as a whole and say, like, well, it's been a huge success. Like you can pick out something like acid rain.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
It was a success in this case. But there's humans involved. So you never can tell. Well, it's not like you never can tell. I guess they can forecast. But there's not just one big blanket like, nope, this is the exact solution.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Well, yeah. And like in the case of a fishery, like if you're a small fishing crew or something, good luck kind of working your way up and maybe establishing yourself as one of the larger companies, especially if the people that are buying these things up are people that don't live around there, these corporations that don't have necessarily a local interest.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
And again, while they might be like hitting, you know, staying under the threshold environmentally, it might be working out. but you're consolidating the wealth, sometimes there's regulations on that where they say you have to be, you know, like on the fishing boat and like, you know, like Chick-fil-A. If you're going to buy a Chick-fil-A franchise, you got to manage that thing.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
No, I just, I don't know. I never thought about the word because it was when you're in high school, it's just said in the commons, we'll meet in the commons. But it never occurred to me that that's what that meant, just like a common area shared by everyone.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
You want that Chick-fil-A Cadillac. Exactly. But sometimes there aren't regulations like that. And what's been proven over and over, especially with ETMs, if there's a way for a system to be exploited for profit, then a company will come along and do it no matter what.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Here's the thing. If you look at the actual tragedy of the commons, Hardin sort of just conveniently leaves a lot of stuff out. Like he's assuming in this argument that like the people that – the farmers that are sharing this grazing spot are – aren't talking to each other at all about what's going on and saying like, hey, we're ruining this land, by the way, maybe we should dial it back.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Like everybody get rid of two cows. And it also assumes that their only interest is to maximize profit and to not care for the land. And that's just not always the case.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah, for sure. If you look at the original sort of like it's not just a theoretical thing. If you look at the paper by William Forrester, I think it said Forrester earlier, not Forrester, Lloyd, that this is the one hardened. Would you say hijacked? He did. He did.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
He was talking about actual English commons, which was how it used to work in medieval England was the Lord would own all this land, but there were people that lived on it. It wasn't like, hey, this is my private land. No one can be here at first. So the people that lived there, they, you know, they had to graze their animals and fish out of the streams and ponds and things like that.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
And they were allowed to with, you know, through certain age old customs, sometimes the local government would step in and kind of help manage this stuff. and limit grazing and things like that. But it wasn't like this set codified system in place all over England. It was just, they had been working it out for centuries like this. It wasn't perfect, but it was sustainable.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
And they didn't like just destroy their land because they all had self-interest to keep it sustainable.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah. And if you were enclosing your own comments or arguing in that favor at the time, you were saying, hey, everything has been chaos up into this point. It's very inefficient. And there's got to be a more organized way to do this. And that was, you know, it wasn't a guise, I guess. But what they were really saying was, is we want this area. Right.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah. I mean, let's just oversell the chaos maybe because it was actually working out okay for many centuries. But we're going to just sell it as this chaotic mess that needs to be cleaned up and organized.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah, I have a friend who ever since college, he was just one of those guys that while we were just like, whatever. About what? About everything, about the world, about politics, about, you know, that period of college where you just kind of check out and all you care about is where you're going that night.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
All that to say he was a very smart guy back then, and he used to just say stuff that used to shake all of us to our core about what's coming, about this, that, or the other with the government. And he would always say, but here's how they're going to sell it to you. And that always stuck with me. And he's totally right. Like, they'll sell it to you as this, but then it becomes this.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Well, you know, I think there were so many people licking their chops. They were like, oh, here's a great opportunity for us to jump on this bandwagon to take more for ourselves.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah, maybe. Let's take a break. All right. We'll be right back. We're going to contemplate that and come back with the definitive answer right after this.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah, that's right. And the idea of the Tragedy of the Commons started out in 1968 in an article from Science, the journal Science. It was called the Tragedy of the Commons, and it was by a biologist named Garrett Hardin. And he was sort of piggybacking on a 19th century English mathematician and economist named William Forster.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
We don't have a definitive answer. I was just kidding. You got me. We should talk about Eleanor Ostrom, though. This is a woman who wrote a book in 1990 called Governing the Commons, colon, the evolution of institutions for collective action. And she's probably like at the top of the list for really bringing this to the upper echelons of the political world worldwide, I guess.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Um, she took a bunch of examples all over the world of, uh, controlled, uh, CPRs like, um, grazing areas. It's always a good one. Um, in Switzerland, in this case, uh, forests in Japan, meadows in Japan, and of course, fisheries and things like that in this case in the Philippines.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Um, so kind of really kind of picking different spots all over the world and examining those, uh, these and how they've worked out, uh, And basically argued that like, hey, these things are had been working out for for centuries. And it worked out pretty good because everybody lived there who was involved.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
And when you have local people that have long term interest in the well-being of their land and their area and keeping that up. then the economic side of things is not going to go away, but it's going to take a back seat to ensuring that this land that they live in stays as close to as it is as possible.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Hijacking. William Forster Lloyd. And you mentioned grazing, and this is sort of the thought experiment Harden went with, which is like you have a grazing field, and let's say three farmers have use of it, and they're letting their cows and sheep graze out there.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
No, and I know you well, and I can tell everybody that you are a very varied person who looks at things from all angles and is very considerate. You don't just shut anything down outright. You like to consider things.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Okay, so back to Ostrom, though. She argues that, hey, we've shown time and time again, I show in these real-world examples in my books, in Japan and in Switzerland and in the Philippines with the fisheries, that this can work, but there's some parameters that have been shown to ensure that it works. And you got to follow these or it's not going to work.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
And she narrowed it down to eight principles of like a successful, you know, regulation of a commons, which is clearly defined boundaries. So who can use this area? What is this area? Rules that fit local needs. And this is something we've been kind of hammering on. It's got to be the local parties that come up with these rules. Yeah.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
The addition of outside people stepping in, it seems to be when all of the problems start because their interests are not the same as local interests.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah, for sure. The third one is group decision making. So it's not just a couple of people or a small board deciding these things. Get as many people in there as possible, local people. Monitoring, you have to have people monitoring. And, you know, she used her forest land example in Japan was one where she was like, hey, they had locals monitoring the stuff and levying fines.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
But at some point, one of them is going to get an extra fat cow that they sell for pretty good money, and they're like, hey, well, if that worked out, maybe I can add an additional cow, and maybe it'll make... you know, the value of all of these cows go down a little bit, including my own, because they're not getting as fat because I've added another cow here. Right.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
So you've got to know that someone is out there doing this. So people, you know, know they're going to be held accountable. And then the next one ties into that. And then when you do that, you've got to start out small with these sanctions. It's got to be like a warning first and then a small fine. You can't just come in there with the billy club and say you're out.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
It's got you've got to encourage people to to stick around and like, all right, here's a warning. But you can't keep letting this happen. That kind of thing.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah. Yeah, for sure. The last three of the eight easy dispute resolution. So just something on the on the cheap that's pretty informal and not some big drawn out expensive, you know, tribunal or something like that.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
You have to have support from authorities and it may be a local thing, but you've got to have the blessing of a larger government body to at the very least not get in there and muck it up themselves and just sort of let you do your thing. But maybe also support. And then finally, building up to a larger system. So again, keep it local.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
But if it's a system that connects to a larger system, like a creek that connects to a larger watershed, you're going to have to start linking up with other local groups and make it a larger thing.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
But one of the things that came out of the book, there's a University of Chicago legal scholar named Lee Ann Fennell who points to that book and says, you know, this is sort of a – corrects these legal theories that say property is all or nothing. Like you either own it and have total control over it or you don't. And it's actually possible. You can have a common.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
But if I can sell it for this much money and it's only costing me a fraction of that for, you know, the extra cow. Well, I mean, it would only cost a fraction of loss of resources for the other cows. Like I'm still coming out ahead. And so bada bing, bada boom. That's what I'm going to do.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
You can have an area that people share property. And the example that and still have some autonomy in the example that Livia gave was like a house. And if you got a family in the house, you know, let's say, you know, two people that have coupled up and have children, you know, it's a collective.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
But like, you know, generally speaking, unless you live in a terrible house with an authoritarian dictator as the head of the household. Or a stepdad that makes you feel stupid. Or a stepdad that makes you feel dumb. You've got, you know, your kid has your room and you know what? This is your room.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
You know, you have a right to your room and you can basically decorate it how you want within within reason and do what you want in here. But but it's still part of the house.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah. And that's something as a parent I found is super important. Because at a certain age, and this has been the last couple of years with Ruby, like, you know, I'm going to go into my room and shut the door. Yeah, and you're like, no, you're not. Well, I'll open the door because I just like, and it's not in a spy way. I just like peeking in and seeing the fun stuff she's doing.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
And Emily's like, you know, leave the door shut. She's got to have that autonomy. And I'm like, I know.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
I'll give a little knock now, you know. And, you know, she's usually in there drawing pictures of cats and listening to music.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah, I mean, Scott and I shared a room until I was, I feel like I was probably 10 or 11.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah, and that's when we split, but we were upstairs at our house. It was just two bedrooms separated by a joined bathroom.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
I was so sad about moving out of his room at first. He agreed to keep his bathroom door open so I could lay in bed and see through the bathroom to him. Oh, my God.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
He's one of the best. But, yeah, so I had my own room, and it was like my sports posters, and I went through a Marilyn Monroe phase for some reason where I had a bunch of her posters up.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah, exactly. But yeah, it was my room. I took a lot of pride in decorating it and doing my thing. And my parents, my father literally did not come upstairs. That's a whole other story. And my mom did for a while. But basically, I mean, that was our zone for the most part.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah, me too. And I used to do that to apartments I lived in. And I had, ironically, recently had a thought about how much I used to enjoy that and how, like, our house, you can't really do that. Like, it's set up in a way that I can't be like, hey, let's rearrange our living room. It's like, well, you can't because...
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah, exactly. So those days are over for me, unfortunately.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
All right. Well, let's finish up on Tragedy of the Commons because – We can use an example of Maine lobster fisheries as a pretty good example of how people can start to do the wrong thing, but correct course on their own.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
And that was the case in the 19th century when the state of Maine started setting legal minimum sizes for catching lobsters. And they couldn't enforce it that well at first. And people broke the rules and were like, you know, trying to make extra money or keep more lobsters than they should for a while. But eventually they were like, hey, wait a minute. we're not doing ourselves any favors here.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
And if we're going to all continue this to sustain our living doing this, we got to work together. So they form harbor gangs to start self-policing, basically.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Don't go over there. That's where the harbor gangs are.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
So they started self-policing and everyone bought into this idea that let's not ruin all of our livelihood here. And one thing that gets pointed out is you can do this in a case like that because lobsters are close to shore. Right. It's a small, small community. It's local people in the case of cod. And at some point we should do one on the cod wars because that's where this factors in. Cod.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
travel long distances. And so it's hard to regulate something like that that's widespread and there's different countries involved.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah. I mean, either blamed or credited with the birth of capitalism. That's no small thing.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
First of all, quick correction to a correction. When we got written in about the hodgepodge, I kept saying mod podge. Right. It is mod podge, and the corrector got it right. I just kept saying it wrong.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
And I played it off to myself as a joke, but it was not.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Well, decoupage is a very old thing, and I suppose that meant a modern decoupage is my guess.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Oh, man. How are things going? Oh, I remember now. We mentioned Martha Stewart, and I said there's a hodgepodge everywhere.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah. And if you're able to sell that cow for like five bucks, that 85 cents is a pittance compared to what you're making on the other side.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
All right, so this is from a friend in the Netherlands who said good luck pronouncing the name. I think I've nailed it, so we're going to see. Okay. Stay tuned for the end. Hey, guys, just finished the episode on automats, and I felt I needed to write in. I'm from the Netherlands, and believe it or not, automats are still a big thing there.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
And I remember now, after I got a couple of emails about these, of being in Amsterdam and seeing these FEBOs, F-E-B-O places. I've not heard of that. Well, it's an automat basically, except instead of a huge restaurant, it's just like a, you know, a smallish room. We refer to it as eating out of the wall. These places mostly just serve deep fried food, but in general is quite fresh.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Not sure why they're still so popular though. Maybe it's because the Dutch aren't really known for their fine dining, as we just want our meals to be efficient and cheap. Nevertheless, if you're ever around, I invite you to take one of our famous croquettes or bitter balls out of the wall, which are especially good after a night of heavy drinking. Love the show. Best regards.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
At least that's how I was told to say it. It is pronounced, or I'm sorry, spelled G-I-J-S.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Right. Well, that and you're also on the assumption that like everyone else is going to be adding cows. So I'm not going to be the only sucker not adding cows.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
That's right. And Hardin was basically like, there's a couple of solutions here. You can either divide this area up and now each person has their own little private part of the pasture that they're only in control of and no one else can get on it and graze there. Or a government body is going to have to step in and regulate this stuff and manage it.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
And, you know, if you listen to Hardin and we'll talk a little bit about the problems with this guy in a second. Yeah. But if you listen to Hardin, he'll say when you divide this thing up and make it just private and everyone, you know, is incentivized to basically preserve their plots and do it sustainably.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
So their profits are maximized with, you know, making sure the land isn't ruined so they can keep those profits maximized.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah, but here's the thing. It wasn't like he was some big champion of the government because if you read the whole article, Harden is like, and another thing. The reason why the world is headed toward a bad place or a bad place already is because freedom to breed is intolerable. So there's just too many people. We're making too many babies.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
And the welfare state that the government is encouraging is taking away the natural consequence of of what happens if you have too many kids, like they're going to not be able to sustain that and the kids are going to starve to death. So we're overbreeding and all of a sudden everyone's going, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
And he said, and another thing, he said, this overbreeding, it could actually be a strategy where a cohesive group could come along to increase their power. And they're like, wait a minute, are you talking about the great replacement? And he said, I don't know what that is. And they said, well, it'll be a thing at some point.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Another econ edition. Typically not my favorite, but, you know, this one I could wrap my head around for the most part.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
Yeah, and he, you know, as far as the tragedy of the commons goes, he very explicitly says, like, you know, you've got to prioritize yourself here and what you're doing and maximize your profits. And if you don't, if you have ethics or something, then you're not a very smart person.
Stuff You Should Know
The Tragedy of the Commons
That's right. Should we take a break? Yeah, let's. All right. We'll be right back, everybody.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: Night Trap: The Video Game Failure that Changed the Industry
Listen to Levittown on Bloomberg's Big Take podcast. Find it on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: Night Trap: The Video Game Failure that Changed the Industry
Listen to Levittown on Bloomberg's Big Take podcast. Find it on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: The Cleveland Torso Murders
Stuff You Should Know is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app. Apple Podcasts are wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
Banking with Capital One helps you keep more money in your wallet with no fees or minimums on checking accounts and no overdraft fees. Just ask the Capital One bank guy. It's pretty much all he talks about, in a good way. He'd also tell you that this podcast is his favorite podcast, too. Thanks, Capital One bank guy. What's in your wallet? Terms apply. See CapitalOne.com slash bank.
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Selects: How Mindfulness Works
So visit apu.apus.edu slash military to learn more. American Public University, education that moves with you. Well, it's officially too cold to do anything, Chuck. But the upside is that you can cocoon yourself in Bombas socks, slippers and underwear all winter long.
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Selects: How Mindfulness Works
Yeah, and Bama's knows that the little things really do make a big difference. So they removed all the itchy tags, fixed the annoying toe seam, and perfected the fit of everything. No more socks that slip down or underwear that rides up. Just perfect comfort.
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Selects: How Mindfulness Works
Running a small business is complicated. There are, I don't know, dozens of software programs that you need, and they're all so expensive. And since they come from different companies, they don't always play nice with one another. But what can you do, right? Odoo. That's what. Odoo has all the software business owners need. We're talking CRM, sales, accounting, literally every kind of software.
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Selects: How Mindfulness Works
And it's all on one platform. So it works together. And it's quality software, so you're not sacrificing. It's just a better experience than a hodgepodge of programs. I mean, you'd expect to pay a premium for it, right? But that's the most amazing part about Odoo. This interconnected suite of business software costs less than the mishmash of disconnected programs you're currently using. less.
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Selects: How Mindfulness Works
So my question is, why spend more on programs that are less efficient when Odoo's simple software platform can handle everything for a fraction of the price? Discover how Odoo can take your business to the next level by visiting Odoo.com. That's O-D-O-O dot com. Hey, let me teach you something I've been using that Thich Nhat Hanh taught me.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
Hey, and welcome to the podcast. I'm Josh, and there's Chuck, and Jerry's here-ish, and this is Stuff You Should Know-ish. This is full-on Stuff You Should Know, Charles.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
Not personally, but through his writing in a book that was published that I purchased with money.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
Yeah. He said, try to focus on anything else, chump. Right.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
there's a bunch of different mantras you can say, and I'm not even sure that's the right word, but one that I keep using is, and it's just striking what taking a breath and deliberately focusing on that breath, just breathing in once and breathing out once, can do to, like, just suck you right out of wherever your mind is in the past or the future. It's really striking how it can do that.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
But his was, it's breathing in, I noticed that I'm alive and breathing out. I'm happy to be alive. And just doing it once like immediately brings me back into the present moment. And it's really cool. I like it. It's all very new for me, but I think it's pretty cool.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
Wow, that's neat, Chuck. Is that your own? Did you come up with that?
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
Sure, yeah. It's the Hell's Angels technique you came up with. You can call it whatever you want. It's your invention. It's a good one.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
So if you went back a few hundred years, a couple hundred years even, and you spoke to any Buddhists around the world and said, hey, how often do you do mindfulness meditation? They would look at you like they had no idea what you're talking about. And if you said, you know, sati, they'd say, oh, that's not for us. That's for like the monks and the nuns up in the caves, in the mountains.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
Like we don't do that kind of stuff. We're We're super Buddhists. We care about morality and we worship local deities and all that stuff. But that's kind of advanced. That's more than the average Buddhist does.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
And it wasn't until I think the late 19th century in Burma that that was finally kind of broken up and meditation and mindfulness together were kind of introduced for the first time to like lay Buddhists, like just the normal everyday average Buddhist living their life.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
Yeah, or state-supported or something like that.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
Yeah, but so rather than being like, oh, well, I don't know. I guess we're not Buddhists anymore. They took it by the horns and like they did something with it. But one of the outcroppings of that was that like these monks who used to just go meditate out in the – like in the mountains or the hills or in the woods –
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
now had audiences of like everyday people who were practicing Buddhists that they were teaching this stuff to. And it was one of these guys, Leti Sayadaw, who was a Buddhist monk who said, you know what, this isn't just for us, this is for everybody. And closely in Leti Sayadaw's footsteps came Mingan Sayaw, S-A-Y-A-W, Sayaw. I think that's right.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
So like an approximation of the word or of the thing they were describing? So like I'm 40-ish?
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
And that monk was the first one to actually teach mindfulness and meditation to regular people, I think, around 1911.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
Right. So the people in what is now Myanmar are the ones who kind of broke out, broke mindfulness and meditation out of its little... Slumber? Sure. Cage or something like that.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
And democratized it a little bit. But it was, as far as the people in the West are concerned, it was the Japanese and their development of Zen Buddhism that we have to thank because this is, you can
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
pretty much trace a direct line between the mindfulness and the meditation and the approach to Buddhism in the West today, back to the 20th century Japan, and specifically a guy named Daisetsu Teitaro D.T. Suzuki. So D.T. Suzuki was kind of a, what's called a Buddhist modernist thinker,
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
who said, there's different things we can do with this, but let's approach this a little more rationally, a little less dogmatically, and open it up to people like our friends in what's soon to be Myanmar. And not only that, let's start relating to the West a little more. And D.T.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
Suzuki actually kind of carried this message, this idea of Zen Buddhism with him over to America and Europe, and it just started to catch on like wildfire.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
Right. So it was from that modernization that Buddhist modernism came about. And it's basically what you would recognize as Buddhism today, like very thoughtful, very interior dwelling. The idea that the universe is all connected.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
All these were like Buddhist thoughts before, but it was it was Buddhism allowing itself to be influenced by modernism and by other groups like the romantics and the transcendentalists. Right.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
But in a weird way, it was like the United States, unbeknownst to the counterculture beats and then later the hippies. that their predecessors, like the transcendentalists, had pre-influenced what was coming back to them.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
So it was already in a very palatable form for Americans who were open to the idea of, like, mind expansion and taking acid and, you know, and meditating and were just open to the ideas of other cultures of becoming, like, more in tune with the universe. They were just waiting for it, and it came to them in the— in the briefcase, I guess, of D.T. Suzuki. And it just kind of took off from there.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
That's what you're thinking of. Okay. All right. Man, that really did sweep the nation. Remember that? Who let the dogs out? It was like a one-two punch.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
So the idea, everything we understand about mindfulness and meditation, you can trace back to like D.T. Suzuki and those beats.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: How Mindfulness Works
Right. So it was from that same group. There was actually a time where Jon Kabat-Zinn, the guy we mentioned earlier— Z-I, by the way, not Z-E-N.
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I don't— Boy, I was not paying attention to the current experience very well. I'm sorry. Oh, that's okay.
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Right. For some reason, I was going more toward the Cabernet Zin play on words.
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Did they ever find that out? No. I think it was a rhetorical question. Ish. It's the kind of rhetorical question you could ask yourself, Chuck, while you're meditating. Yeah. But first, thanks, thanks.
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Yeah. So he's known as the godfather of modern mindfulness, according to The Guardian, at least, which is a pretty legit newspaper. And by the way, thank you also to Olivia for helping us out with this one, Chuck. Sure.
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She did a great job. She did. She did. But Jon Kabat-Zinn was among those people. Jack Kornfield, great name. Sharon Salzberg and Joseph Goldstein. He actually taught at their Insight Meditation Society. And he was a big-time practitioner of Zen Buddhism. And he was on, I guess, a meditation retreat. And he had a bit of insight there.
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I guess an epiphany is probably what you'd call it, that he was meant to help apply Buddhist techniques to help people who are in pain. He had either a microbiology or molecular biology degree, and he ended up applying it to medicine and figuring out how to join Buddhist practices and medicine to help people in the 70s. And it really started to take off from there.
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Yeah, but it's gotten less and less. I feel like he finally overcame the threshold that was, you know, keeping it back in the last, like, 5, 10 years and achieved what he was looking for. I mean, think about mindfulness is everywhere today. And it is... almost totally divorced from any kind of religious connotations.
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But I'm going to step all over the segue because before we get started, Chuck, I want to do, if you'll allow me, another shout out for my little niece Mila's movie, big time movie called No Exit that's coming out as far as when this episode drops tomorrow. So February 25th. 2022.
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It seems like a neuroscience tool more than anything, the way that it's treated in the West. And that was his goal. He was trying to get it to the most people possible, study it scientifically, and then apply it to help people. And specifically, again, he was initially looking at how it can help people with pain.
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And he came up with mindfulness-based stress reduction, MBSR, which is still very much in use today. And then there was an offshoot too, Chuck, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy. And that takes CBT, which is a proven type of talk therapy used extensively in psychology, and applies Jon Kabat-Zinn's approach to mindfulness to it, right?
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Yeah, because one of the big things in cognitive behavioral therapy is that you have a thought, your thought leads to a feeling, and your feeling leads to a behavior. And oftentimes, it's like you said, it's very destructive and you don't even realize it's going on until your life is kind of falling apart or it's certainly not as good as it could be. And it doesn't even have to be a drink.
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It could be a donut. It could be yelling at a cashier at a grocery store. Like all sorts of different things, and you are totally out of control of it.
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Capital One N.A. Member FDIC. Hey, everybody. It's Chuck and Josh here to talk to you about Squarespace. Squarespace makes it easy to build the website of your dreams and do whatever you like with it.
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The idea behind this, mindfulness, adding mindfulness to cognitive behavioral therapy, is that you are training yourself to detach yourself from all thoughts and emotions so that you can evaluate them clearly so that none of them can jump out of nowhere, pounce on you, and the next thing you know, you've eaten a dozen donuts and had six scotches, and you have no idea why. Right.
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You do have the idea why, and you probably haven't gotten to that point because you've stopped the whole process by recognizing it the moment it began. Ideally, theoretically, on paper, that's the purpose of using mindfulness to help, especially with mental health.
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No matter when you hear this, just immediately go onto Hulu, subscribe if you haven't yet, and check out my niece Mila in no exit because she is amazing. What did you think?
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No, and as a matter of fact, if you want to trace it all the way back to its original Buddhist roots, it's that we have very little, if any, control over life. And that recognizing that will free us from all of our desires and the idea that like we have to have things and we want to hang on to it.
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Like it just lets you let things flow by and you can enjoy them and experience them as they come rather than hoping for the next one, needing the next donut or fearing the next loss. You just experience life as it comes. That's kind of the point of that, of understanding that everything is transient and impermanent, including your own your own life. Like you're going to die one day.
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There's ultimately the big like, you know, like bingo number. Yeah. Like that's ultimately what it's leading to is you're going to die. You yourself are impermanent. And so understanding that through getting there through meditation, daily meditative practice is kind of the goal.
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But I think the reason why is because even if these people don't know it, even if they're at a corporate mindfulness retreat, They're engaging in a deeply spiritual practice. Yeah. They're kind of doing it wrong, as we'll see, but it's still part of this very long established tradition that actually has legs. It's not...
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It's not mumbo jumbo like it actually has a pronounced effect on on the human brain, the human psyche, the outlook that we have on life. And so depending on the context, you're doing it and it can be very useful. It can be harmful or it can be totally useless in some cases, too. But it is a spiritual act. So it makes sense that it would make you more interested in spirituality.
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And it's all on one platform. So it works together. And it's quality software, so you're not sacrificing. It's just a better experience than a hodgepodge of programs. I mean, you'd expect to pay a premium for it, right? But that's the most amazing part about Odoo. This interconnected suite of business software costs less than the mishmash of disconnected programs you're currently using. less.
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I don't think they did. I was reading an interview with the director, and he was saying, like, she was doing such an amazing job of being terrified and freaked out and everything that, like, in between takes, like, the other cast members would be like, are you okay? And she'd be like, yeah, why, are you okay? Yeah.
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Yep, delivered online, APU's programs make it possible to learn wherever life takes you. And courses are offered in 8- and 16-week formats with monthly start dates so you can begin when it's convenient and progress at a pace that's comfortable for you.
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So visit apu.apus.edu slash military to learn more. American Public University, education that moves with you.
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Yeah, exactly. She's like, it's acting. Like John Lovett said. Yeah, so on Hulu, no exit, February 25th. My niece Mila just kills it. There you go.
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Thanks to the ease and convenience of Amazon One Medical and Amazon Pharmacy, healthcare just got less painful.
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Yeah. Man, you sound like Rory Cochran in Dazed and Confused.
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I mean, he was on CSI Miami, I think, for years and years and years.
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Yes, and he's all clean cut and everything, and you still can't not see it. I totally agree with you. He's not fooling anybody.
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Yeah. So, yes, I mean, it does seem to be effective. There's also, especially with self-reporting, Chuck, that seems to be like the big one, that if you look at studies where they're using self-reporting, like it has the most pronounced effect. Objective tests, there does seem to register some sort of effect, like on the objective experience of, say, like pain or something like that. Right.
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Thanks again for that, Chuck. So let's get started. Thank you for not passing judgment on that either way.
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But social psychology has jumped all over this. It's like we're going to study this. And there was this one study from 2021, which I have to give a hat tip to Yumi because she turned this one up. But it was a study of white people who some of whom received mindfulness training and a control group who received sham mindfulness training, which is hilarious.
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And the effect that it had on their willingness to help black people that they saw who they saw in need and not like in need, like, you know, homeless or something like that. Like they would be they would be subjected to a test unwittingly where they'd be in a room and like a black person would come in and like drop their papers. And their willingness to help that person pick up the papers.
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Or if a black person entered the room and they were on crutches, their willingness to give up their seat. And apparently, black people tend to help black people more. White people tend to help white people more. Hispanic people tend to help Hispanic people more. People help their in-group more. But this mindfulness group actually kind of crossed lines way more than was expected, right? Yeah.
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Yeah. And I mean, it was significant. Three times more is really significant, statistically speaking, for a study. And it seems like it was a pretty good study.
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Like the fact that they had sham mindfulness training ruled out the possibility that the group that got mindfulness training was behaving a certain way because they they thought like that's what was going to be the result of it, almost like a placebo effect. So the group that received sham training thought they were getting mindfulness training.
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It's like breathe in, really concentrate on all the anger, really feel it.
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Yeah, sure. The trifecta. Yeah, sure. What's Cal State San Marcos' mascot?
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Okay, let's go with that. All right. Los Lobos even.
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Yeah. So that's like this is one of those ones, you know, those episodes where we just start talking about the thing without defining it. This is not going to be one of those episodes because I think it would be kind of rough otherwise, you know?
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And not coincidentally, their halftime entertainment as well.
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Yeah, and here's where we reach like the first initial part where the West has kind of screwed this up. Because it is unexpected when somebody in America goes to a meditation retreat and tries to become more mindful and they're confronted with trauma or they're confronted with rage or self-hatred or something like that. They're not expecting it.
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If you went and talked to like an actual like Buddhist monk, they'd be like, well, somebody probably should have told you that that's a real possibility. Right. That you're not, this isn't all, this isn't like, you know, it's like an acid trip. It's not always like flowers and sunshine. Sometimes it's like the darkest thing you'll ever be confronted with kind of thing. Same thing.
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The good thing about mindfulness meditation is that you can stop immediately. But supposedly in some retreats and some situations, they're like, no, you've got to press through. You've got to press through. And people are kind of enticed or forced into staying in really uncomfortable trauma experiences way beyond their comfort zone. And it can actually be damaging.
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And it's very rare from what I can tell. for there to be like lasting harm. But there are reports of people having to go to therapy for years after having gone on basically a bad trip at a meditation retreat for years, years of therapy. So it can happen.
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And I guess – like I think, Chuck, there's a 2019 study that found like 20 to 25 percent of people who meditate reported experiencing unwanted effects, right? Like negative effects that they were not planning for. And that's the big problem. There's no or very little warnings there. about this stuff.
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It's all treated in a very Pollyannish, naive manner, as if, like, you know, America and Europe got its hands on, like, the cube from Hellraiser and just like, this is awesome. Let's figure out how to be more productive using this thing. That's kind of what's going on.
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And it's been packaged like that. It's been marketed as something that you will just reach some floaty bliss with. And, yeah, I can totally see being stressed out because you don't reach it because it hasn't been explained to you even what you're doing right. So it's a good little short read. It's called Mindfulness, Meditation, and Trauma. Proceed with Caution. I found it on goodtherapy.org.
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And it doesn't say, like, don't do this. Even if you know you have trauma, don't meditate. Don't try to become mindful. It says some, you know, make sure you find, like, a good coach, a good guide, a good teacher who understands how to deal with trauma and can prepare you for it and can pull you back and be like, don't forget. Life's actually good. You're good.
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Now let's try a little more and just kind of little by little expose yourself to it rather than, like, you know, ripping your shirt off and standing in front of, like, the baseball pitching machine. Yeah.
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And a little bit of mildew. A little mildew. There's some old crystals boxes. Those are yours. Remember, you had them accidentally delivered to your house?
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Yeah, which ties very closely into a Buddhist tenet of the first arrow of suffering, which is where everyone has to experience that. Let's say you're bitten by an ant. It's not a very pleasant sensation and everybody's going to experience it roughly the same. But there's also a second arrow where you can be worried about being bitten by an ant.
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And it makes the first arrow 10 times worse, not just twice as bad, but 10 times worse. And the idea is that if you're mindful, if you practice sati, you won't really experience the second arrow, just the first arrow. And that's the best you can hope for in this life.
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Yes. And yeah, for sure. I mean, that's kind of like one of the outcomes of it being exposed to westernization is that it's being studied and it's actually holding up in studies.
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Right. Exactly. And not just corporations, but the military is using mindfulness schools. Little kids are being taught mindfulness and to meditate prisons. And there's there's an enormous amount of like out just out there in the culture. It's gotten really popular, I guess, in 2012. Just over 4% of Americans meditated. Five years later, it was up to 14%.
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You're thinking of Back to the Future 3. Oh, right, right, right. I called Mary Steenburgen. Meaning I get to play her, not date her or anything. Oh, I don't date Mary Steenburgen.
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That's a pretty big increase in just five years. And I would propose it's probably more than that now in 2022. So it's everywhere. But it's also... really kind of lost its way, I guess, once it hit America and corporate America in particular. Mindfulness kind of got perverted, I think, is a way you could put it.
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Right. And the same thing goes for social movements as well. Like some people say, hey, you know how like a lot of us are mentally ill these days? That's because society's screwed up. So rather than putting the onus again on the individual person, just kind of suck it up and deal with it in a mindful manner, right?
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Why don't we focus instead on these social problems that are causing all of these other social problems so we don't have to do that? And those are really valid criticisms of westernized mindfulness in the 2020s. And there's actually a term for it that a guy named Miles Neal coined and another guy named Ronald Purser wrote a book using that name. It's perfect. McMindfulness. Yeah.
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Isn't that, oh, really? That's Ted Danson's old squeeze, right? It's his current squeeze. I'm not going to fight him for it. Are they still together? Yeah, I think so. Gosh, they've been together for a while. Yeah, good couple. Okay, great. Good stuff.
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And HR reps across the country say, oh, yes, we can. And look what happens. We're really screwing people up. That's right. So there's a couple of quotes I found that I really feel like kind of get to the heart of what happened when mindfulness came over here and got picked up by corporate America and the military and just other surprising groups and maybe put to not the best uses.
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There's a really good New York Times article from back in 2015 that was kind of a meditation on the idea of mindfulness or the word mindfulness and what it means by Virginia Heffernan. And she says that – What commercial mindfulness may have lost from the most rigorous Buddhist tenets that it replaced is the implication that suffering cannot be escaped but must be faced.
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And that's that mispackaging, that mismarketing that we talked about, the idea that if you meditate and you're mindful, it's going to free you from all your problems and make you less stressed and more productive and just happier. And that's not necessarily the case because we in the West tend to really like to, like you said, avoid –
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all of the stuff that really stinks and just get as much of the stuff that we like. And that's not what that's meant for.
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There it is. And there's another one, too. The Dalai Lama apparently pointed out that even a suicide bomber would likely have to cultivate some sort of mindfulness. Yeah. It's not inherently ethical. And if it's not inherently ethical, then that means that you could conceivably use it to nefarious ends.
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And the way that Buddhists for thousands of years kept it from being used to nefarious ends is by encasing it in wholesomeness. Like mindfulness, specifically what's called right mindfulness by the Buddhists, is it's a wholesome approach and separating wholesome thoughts from unwholesome thoughts. And if you just take... the mindfulness practice out of that context, you have a problem.
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You want to read that quote from Andrew Olinsky?
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That's the best you can hope for is it just denigrates into mere attention and not something harmful, you know? Yeah. I think it's great. I think it's wonderful that people want this and they're seeking it out and they're trying it. I think the people who are selling it to everybody need to just package it more transparently and explain the true purpose of it and stop using it for productivity.
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Not me. I could have guessed Richard Gere, but Ted Danson's a big surprise.
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Agreed. If you want to know more about mindfulness, go research it and see if it's for you and give it a shot and go into it with right eyes, right vision. I can't remember. And since I said I can't remember, of course, that means it's time for Listener Mail.
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That's a really amazing email. Thank you so much. It's impossible to not pass judgment on that one. I'm going to say I feel very proud, Chuck.
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Yep. RIP Ziggy. And thank you, Mike. I'm glad we could help bring you and your dad together. That's pretty amazing stuff. If you want to be like Mike and get in touch with us and write us the email of the century, we are willing to read it. You can send it to us at stuffpodcasts at iheartradio.com.
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Yep, delivered online, APU's programs make it possible to learn wherever life takes you. And courses are offered in 8- and 16-week formats with monthly start dates so you can begin when it's convenient and progress at a pace that's comfortable for you.
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So visit apu.apus.edu slash military to learn more. American Public University, education that moves with you. Sometimes getting better is harder than getting sick. Waiting on hold for an appointment, standing in line at the pharmacy, the whole healthcare system can feel like a headache. Well, Amazon One Medical and Amazon Pharmacy are changing that.
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The reason that Pali is so important is because they say that it was the language of the Buddha. And at the very least, it was the first language that the Buddha's words, which have been passed down orally, were written down in. So it's like legit old school Buddhist thinking and teachings. And one of the basic parts of that is, like you said, sati, which has been translated to mindfulness.
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But it was translated by a British colonial administrator, wasn't it?
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Yeah, absolutely. It really kind of reveals what's going on, especially once you kind of learn a little more about it. You're like, that actually works about as perfectly as can be. But it got translated into the word mindfulness, sati into mindfulness, by a British colonial administrator in Ceylon, which is now Sri Lanka, back in the 1880s.
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So it was some British guy who said sati means mindfulness and actually kind of gave it to us today, although— There was a long period where it had been forgotten.
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But I think you can't really talk about mindfulness, even though it's changed so dramatically, especially in the last decade or so, without kind of describing what it was originally meant to describe or what it still describes if you're a practicing Buddhist. And that is that like you are not only like paying attention to the moment and
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And like experiencing this moment without letting your thoughts wander to the past or the future or anything like that. But that whatever you're experiencing in the moment, no matter what it is, you're experiencing with equanimity, which means that you're not passing judgment on it as good or bad or anything else. It just is.
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Yeah, and when it's time to collect that money, Squarespace offers an easier way to collect payments so you can focus on growing your business. You can invoice clients and get paid for your services, turn leads into clients with proposals, estimates, and contracts, and simplify your workflow and manage your service business on one platform. What else could you possibly ask for?
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And it sounds easy to describe, but if you've ever tried it, it's one of the hardest things a human being can ever set out to do.
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But yeah, and you just nailed it on the head, not once, but twice, Chuck, when you said that it's a very human condition. And part of sati, the point of sati, as far as like Buddhists are concerned, is that it's a step that you take on the path to enlightenment, to free yourself from the cycle of like life and death and rebirth.
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and to become like a truly enlightened being that's freed from all of that. And so you have to free yourself from that human condition. And a big part of that is to free yourself from yearning, from wanting, because yearning and wanting or being repelled by something and wanting to get away from it
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They're two sides of the same coin as far as sati is concerned, which is you are wishing that something is different or was different than it actually is. And that's the basis of suffering. And suffering is the thing that keeps you in that cycle of life and death and rebirth.
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So meditating to become mindful and nonjudgmental about your present experience is one step toward relieving yourself of suffering and then freeing yourself from that shackle of being
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Right, exactly. And they're saying like, dude, this is part of the point of life. I'm reading this really amazing book by Thich Nhat Hanh right now. I'm rereading it actually. It's one of those ones you just kind of go back and reread. Very like easy, slim volume. It's called No Mud, No Lotus. And it basically says like without suffering, you can't have happiness and vice versa.
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Pretty basic stuff, but he really gets into explaining how to confront suffering and understand that it's just part of life. And that's a huge part of the Buddhist approach to mindfulness. It's not to get away from suffering, it's to realize. recognize it as it is, and also simultaneously not make a bigger deal out of it than it is. Because suffering is enough. It's bad enough as it is.
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But another part of the human condition is to make it way worse by anticipating it, worrying about it, like focusing on it after it happens. There's a lot of stuff we do to our own suffering that explodes it. And part of mindfulness training is to stop doing that as well, too.
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Right, exactly. And he's a proponent and kind of one of the founders of what you can refer to as secular mindfulness, which is this current incarnation of mindfulness that's sweeping the West. It's like you said, hip, that's been kind of like removed deliberately, as we'll see, removed from its Buddhist roots and Buddhist context to make it more palatable and scientific seeming.
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Hi, everybody. Since self-improvement is kind of in the air this time of year, I thought I would choose our 2022 episode on mindfulness. We cover its origins, how it became a thing in the West, and the upsides and, yes, drawbacks. I hope it changes your life for the better. Enjoy.
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Exactly. In an app. Yeah. The upshot of all this, though, Chuck, is that no matter who you are or where you're coming from, if you're talking about mindfulness, you're talking about paying attention to the present moment and doing the best you can at not judging anything that's going on in that present experience and just taking it on its face value and engaging in it fully.
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So let's talk a little more about how we got here today, historically speaking, after a break. What do you think about that?
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Hey everybody, it's Chuck and Josh here to talk to you about Squarespace. Squarespace makes it easy to build the website of your dreams and do whatever you like with it.
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Yeah, and when it's time to collect that money, Squarespace offers an easier way to collect payments so you can focus on growing your business. You can invoice clients and get paid for your services, turn leads into clients with proposals, estimates, and contracts, and simplify your workflow and manage your service business on one platform. What else could you possibly ask for?
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Yep. Delivered online, APU's programs make it possible to learn wherever life takes you. And courses are offered in 8- and 16-week formats with monthly start dates so you can begin when it's convenient and progress at a pace that's comfortable for you.
The Ramsey Show
There’s Always a Way out of a Financial Spiral
I don't know. I mean, honestly, I've had it for a while. It just got worse in the last seven years. And I'm just trying to get things straightened out.
The Ramsey Show
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And I do have my three to six month emergency fund. Great.
The Ramsey Show
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What do you do for a living? I work for the state of Kansas. I'm a barbershop inspector.
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Honestly, it just depends on what part of Kansas I'm going. If I'm going to a city or going to western Kansas where it's all windchill time. Uh-huh. Yeah. I do the whole state.
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My positions are about $2,000 a month. Exactly. I have about $1,000 a month to play with right now.
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Yes, I would guess. And what do you owe on it?
The Ramsey Show
Money Isn't the Problem—Your Behavior Is
So my question is, is it a smart move to pause retirement for three years in order to pay off our mortgage faster, or is paying the two to three more years on the mortgage worth the gain that the retirement funds would make in that time?
The Ramsey Show
Money Isn't the Problem—Your Behavior Is
That is exactly what happened. We sat down and looked at our budget and saw how much money we could save and then how much more we could save by pausing the
The Ramsey Show
Money Isn't the Problem—Your Behavior Is
uh retirement investing i was like wow we could pay our house off in about three three or four years if we if we pause but wasn't sure if that would be the the right move or not well here's what i would do and what i have done instead of pausing investing i go okay what is that number is it a thousand bucks two thousand bucks every month that you would be throwing at the mortgage
The Ramsey Show
Smart Money Decisions Often Mean Sacrificing Today for Tomorrow
I'm doing good. How are you?
The Ramsey Show
Smart Money Decisions Often Mean Sacrificing Today for Tomorrow
Great. Bit of a situation me and my wife are in right now. We're first-time homeowner buyers trying to purchase a home. After doing the math, the first three years of mortgage comes around to 45% of our monthly takeaway income after taxes. The area where the house is being built is really hot right now. Everything around is being sold. Major developments going on in that area.
The Ramsey Show
Smart Money Decisions Often Mean Sacrificing Today for Tomorrow
But I guess we're just in two separate minds about do we take the plunge now or wait a year and then maybe the price goes up even further and then, you know, we're just stuck in the apartment.
The Ramsey Show
Smart Money Decisions Often Mean Sacrificing Today for Tomorrow
Depending on how the loan is working out. So we're doing the 2-1 option.
The Ramsey Show
Smart Money Decisions Often Mean Sacrificing Today for Tomorrow
Right. So if you're taking the average, I guess, from the third year onwards is going to be... You don't have any idea.
The Ramsey Show
Smart Money Decisions Often Mean Sacrificing Today for Tomorrow
What Dave said. No, no. The mortgage is going to be $5,200 after the third year for the next 30 years.
The Ramsey Show
Smart Money Decisions Often Mean Sacrificing Today for Tomorrow
We take home $11,250 after taxes a month.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Was? Wir waren auf dem selben Tisch. Was lustig ist, du warst auf dem selben Tisch.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Oh, that one girl that was being really mean to you.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
No, she was actually being rude. I don't remember exactly, but it was like... It was the type of humor where she thought it was... Oh, I thought it was like nag flirting. No, but she was kind of just being a bitch.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
This is my first orange pop one. It's so good.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Du hast es nie so gesagt, das war interessant.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Wait, I just remembered something a few minutes ago. The drunkest man in the world sat next to me on my flight back to LA.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Wait, I didn't know Rusty was on your flight. Rusty Featherstone. No, okay, so, started off... From TikTok. Started off, like, fine. Started off kind of harmless. So, last person aboard, he reeks.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
So I take out my little eye mask that Spotify sent us. So nice. So nice. Love that thing for traveling. I go to put it on. I'm about to take my little... Because it was a red eye. And then he sees me putting it on. He's like, that looks really nice. I have one too. And he digs at the bottom of his backpack. Takes his disgusting eye mask out. Because you smell it. It was all dirty.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
And then he puts it on. And then he takes out... Okay, okay. Because he goes, I live in Venice, you have to come to my New Year's Eve party. And he's like, what are you doing for New Year's Eve? When you're sitting an inch away from this party, he wouldn't stop talking to me. I was like, no, I'm not doing anything.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
No, he was like mid-30s. Did he ask for your number? Yeah, he asked me. He hands me his phone.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
I know, I realized that after. But I didn't put my last name in, which is good. I just put Lauren. Okay. Did he text you? No, because he was too drunk. Because when we landed in L.A., he woke up from his slumber and didn't look at me or talk to me again. So I actually think he was blacked out.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
No, because he just fell asleep immediately. Wie kriegst du das so trank in einem Flughafen? Wir hatten einen Wartezeit in Miami, also haben wir nicht eine Stunde und eine halbe Zeit gehalten.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
That's essentially what happened. I don't know. We did establish some... At first it was funny, but then he just started being kind of creepy.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Wait, I feel like there... Oh, I had the worst pitch of all time. Wait, it's not going to be your pitch?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
I would have came over, but I went to bed at 10.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
What? Sean didn't want to go out. We went and got sushi, me, my brother and Troy. And then we came home, watched Shutter Out, and then I fell asleep at 10.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
I feel like that's important. It was also that, yeah. It was like Christmas Eve, so we wanted, well, not really.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
I was like, why was she in Ohio? I wasn't in Ohio.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Yeah, it was sick. Oh, I ran into Ben at halftime. He looked so sad. Ben Barrett? Yeah. Because I'm wearing the... He didn't even want to hug me.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Wait, I actually think I saw him at the gym. No, you did not. Bullshit, he was not at your gym.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Wait, what was the other thing you said about how the other, how about Big Boy sings, if it's all, is that, was that a prank?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
That song feels too cheesy to be true. It feels too recent.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
I don't know what you're referring to. Like his security people?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Wait, um... It's a dogmatic monk! Wait... No, I think they just... You can hear someone's shoe?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Ja, warte, warum fühle ich mich so, als ob wir darüber gesprochen hätten?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
It comes with all these little beans and stuff?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Oh, also das ist das Land, das ihr habt? Nein, nein, nein.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Warte, also ein Bog ist das gleiche wie eine Farm?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Oh, wait, have you guys seen My Old Ass? With Aubrey Plaza? Okay, yeah.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
We talked about this in the day after our Friday meeting when it was just like 10 of us. Did we talk about this on the last podcast?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
In this movie, the family owns a cranberry farm.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Is throwing stones from a glass house that a saying? Yeah. Wait, from a glass house?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
I'm going to go to the soup kitchen once. Wait.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
I signed up to start volunteering at a dog shelter in Sawtelle.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
I have to do the trainings online. There's like a lot of trainings to get there.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Like 60 seconds in. Alright. Dude, someone commented on Will posted that video of us kissing.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Like we're gonna have like a new guy right here.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Rainbow Kitten Surprise, not to bring them up, but because I love them. Why not to bring them up?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Pitches. First one is from Adam West. He says, Hi Lauren, the swashbuckler and the peacemaker.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Oh yeah, your frontal lobe doesn't develop until you're 25. Yeah. P.S. I went to the University of South Carolina with a girl who beat Will to being class president.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Maybe you're trying to conform to societal norms.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Wait, are you going to see Hot Chip Girl again?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
I don't know why, I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Warte, können wir eine schöne Nacht zusammen haben?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Ich glaube, ich gehe nur raus und trinke genug, bis ich überhungert bin, wenn ich zu einem Show gehe. Aber wenn ich einfach zu einem Bar raus gehe, dann kann ich drei Trinken trinken.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Sieh, das war ich, als ich startete. Ja. Sober Oktober. Ja, du hast all diese profunden... Und dann bei der Halloween-Party war ich so, okay, ich bin fertig.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Yeah, I saw that. Did he not get the invite? I saw a lot of our coworkers in that story.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
I don't know what to tell you. Who was there? Was Chris Powers there? I stopped the video. I was trying to see you.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Before I say the second pitch, Troy got me the tiniest camera. Sorry. The tiniest camera you'll ever see. What?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Es ist literally so groß und es ist auf meinem Keychain jetzt und es kann echte Bilder nehmen und es hat eine SD-Karte, die du einladen kannst.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Ich wollte es nur zeigen. Ich werde es auf den Pin nehmen. Wie groß ist es? Es ist literally so groß.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Es ist eine legitische Kamera. Ja, es ist eine Micro-SD-Karte.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
No. What's going on... What's going on Snap, Crackle and Pop? You can decide amongst yourselves who is who.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
What is the worst part about going to the movies?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Having used the bathroom in the middle of the movie, of course. With movie times reaching three hours nowadays, it's getting significantly harder to make it the whole duration without taking a break during the movie and missing significant context or scenes. The solution? My app, Tinkle Time.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
This app works with movie theaters to allow viewers to sync their phones with the movie so that they can stream it for the duration of the... Bro, we already had this one.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Can I just finish it? Gang. I don't know about all that, but...
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
You need to catch up to their speed really fast.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Ich denke, das ist, warum es manchmal Licht gibt, wenn man auf der Freizeit. Stopplicht.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Wait, no, I have a pitch. I'll just do one. Oh, that was so disappointing.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
You can't actually transport into the fantasy worlds that you're dreaming about.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Sorry, that was super rude. You're an asshole. Okay, my pitch is teletonin. It's teleportation mixed with melatonin. So it helps you fall asleep quick while simultaneously teleporting you to a new universe. Just like melatonin, it eventually wears off, but during your slumber you get to experience the wildest of worlds in real time.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
That also can't be true because you can go on it on the web.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
But I was kind of on his side, so I can't really talk.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Er ist nicht... Oh, er ist nicht lebendig. Er ist gestorben. Nein, nein. Ich bin sorry, wenn das dein Großvater ist, er war ein wunderschöner Kerl.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Sag ihm nicht, dass er lange Haare hat. Amphetamine, um schlafen zu können. Du hättest nicht so viel Appetit.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Jack, all you have to do is... Is there a treadmill in your building?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
No, I don't even... I don't have one. I just... Do you...
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Or get a gym membership and go on the Stairmaster.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Das ist, like, horrible grammar. They mentioned when they come to stay with us that their baby girl can use our nursery. My husband's initial reaction was no way and this still remains. My initial reaction was the nursery is there, they may as well use it. However, now I'm starting to think more like my husband. Do we want another child using our baby's nursery before they get to use it?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Ich habe eine Schmerze, die auf meinem Gesicht fliegt.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Wahrscheinlich nicht dieser, weil es... Ich weiß nicht. Ja, sie haben ihn wahrscheinlich schon gebrochen, weil es so spät ist.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
I don't think you're the asshole if you don't want that stupid baby sleeping in your baby's nursery.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Wait, is he like incapable of making his own... Some people have relationships like this. God.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
It's fucking awesome. It feels exhausting to put in so much effort, only to be told I'm not doing enough. I'm wondering now, did I take things too far with my response, or was I justified given the circumstances? Am I the asshole? I think you guys need to go to therapy and figure this out.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Why is she saying, you don't feel... I'd be like, cook... I would actually... No. No way would anyone ever speak to me like that.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
She also didn't explicitly call him fat. She said, you wouldn't be overweight if I didn't feed you, which is like, I feel like as someone's partner, it's kind of your obligation to help them get out of that if that's something they want to do.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Why do you look at me like that? Sorry, I wasn't really listening.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
I wasn't saying that I think you should tell people to change. I'm just saying, if she's already fed up with him being unappreciative, I don't think there's anything wrong with her saying something like that.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Ich denke, für einen Mann zu sagen, du fährst mich nicht. Hör auf.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Das ist ein lustiges kleines Spiel. Ihr seid wie zwischendurch. Oh. Habt ihr das sogar bemerkt?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
I think he could have like died. Was this your freshman year guy?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
She was pretty. I remember this story. Oh, yes.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Wait, really quickly, whose personality are you stealing?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
I'm stealing... What am I doing this weekend? I'm gonna steal...
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
zendaya's personality because she got engaged i know she just got engaged wait same with dualipa two amazing i'm trying to more with her to do a feature um yeah i'm stealing zendaya's personality because she's just a cute wonderful ball of sunshine and um i strive to be like her love it love it all right playmates comment if you've made it this far comment comment what kind of haircuts will and rusty should get
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Is it the girl that Gavin knows? No, it was some random girl. No one knew her.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Oder Männer, kommentiert euren Lieblingsklon. Oder wenn du ein Mann bist und Perfume benutzt, ist das auch gut.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Philip Seaman Hoffman. Philip Seaman Hoffmore. Yeah, like this guy? He has a weird hair.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
official ins and outs of 2025
Mostly the... You'd be the only guy on our side, but...
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
She starts losing her marbles. It's interesting. Chapel. Chapel. You guys want to do that?
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
And I clicked it and was like, whoa. And I was like, okay, Alexis, Texas boobs. I was like, all right.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
I have a lot of unread texts, but... Not from girls.
Will & Rusty's Playdate
she broke up with me at hibachi
You know, you have to have us over, not next weekend, but the weekend after for a housewarming party.