Chapter 1: What happens when you break up at a hibachi restaurant?
I don't want to hear about your hot body. And then she called me a perv in front of everyone.
that's true i'm glad we got that off your chest i'm telling you he's a perv though he keeps bringing up pervy stuff yeah he baits us into these conversations and i'm like we just spent 10 minutes talking about pervy shit so i'm i'm put you're on perv watch when we used to be wholesome yeah remember we used to talk about like really when we didn't even say any swears we used to not curse
just sitting there i was like trying to help her make a hot bod you said that lauren had a hot bod i was trying to make her house feel like a home and next thing i know i'm gonna go for the entire podcast producer's room um she said her body runs hot i said i want to hear about your hot body I want to hear about how your body runs.
I'm not supposed to hear out of that. The next thing I know, I'm getting called a pervert in front of the entire office.
Well, wait. We were just having a good conversation, then you had to bring up happy endings.
It's true. Should we do our prank call segment? Yeah. Okay, Lauren, what do we got?
Oh, wait. You guys, I have a pitch. Oh! Ayo!
Lauren Hoagland fastball incoming.
I wrote this down last week, so hopefully it's good because I haven't looked at it in a while. Okay. My pitch is a little box that you put your phone in once you get in your car, and you're not allowed to start the engine until it is locked in there. I think this has the potential to decrease car crashes by a large percentage.
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Chapter 2: How does Skyline Chili compare to other chili?
Thank you.
me and the boys after wow that's interesting um yeah that's beautiful they were they hadn't seen like outside people and uh until 35 years ago yeah wait look or sorry we're gonna say well at first i thought that that's what it was it was like an uncut and then i was like that guy's wearing a hat he's wearing a nike hat scroll down that someone translated it uh i keep going
translate that yeah no but it's like it's gorgeous yeah i like that when it's interesting it says in the caption to the song they're singing is a map of where they're walking to which guides them through the forest and helps them not to lose their way oh nice very cool beautiful all right this is
Something I'm sending you right now. Ready? Or you can go. You want to go on?
Yeah, I'll go. Cool. My friend Haley sent me this video the other day of these guys that I thought... Did it get deleted? Oh, no. That's so sad.
What is it? Oh. I don't know.
I feel like you guys would like these guys. I just thought this was beautiful.
She slurred her speech as we stopped to screech and she didn't come. Yeah, that's awesome. Isn't that great?
Every time I see one of those videos, it makes me mad because I wasn't part of a group that did that. I know. I don't know. I think those people sometimes are insufferable, though.
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Chapter 4: What was the most embarrassing childhood experience?
That's kind of sick that you got chosen.
And then I was telling my friends about this, like, years ago, and they were like, no, that never happened.
Yeah.
When I was in second grade, my teacher, Ms. Derman, used to play the guitar for us just all day. It was like the class everyone wanted to be in.
Because you're not learning shit at that age. So it was like, might as well just teach them it through song. And we'd sit in a circle. My friend John O'Connor would sit in front of me and back up a couple weeks. My friend Garrett and I were in the woods and I just got a new buck knife. And we saw this like deflated kickball.
We were like, we should pop it with the new buck knife. And we were stabbing it and it was so deflated that like he couldn't really get a good grab on it.
And Garrett was like, oh, we have to put pressure on it. And so I put my hand on it to like create pressure. And I just stabbed right through my thumb. And we like ran back to the house. And like my mom was like really upset. And then we somehow fixed it. But like the nail was like split. And I remember Mrs. Derman was singing a song and it kept getting caught on John O'Connor's shirt.
I remember I was in Catherine and Jean's class for first through third grade. Why were they like tag team in every class? It was every class. It was three grades and two teachers. So first, second, third grade, I'm in the same classroom for three years.
That doesn't make any sense to me because wouldn't you just be learning the same thing three years in a row?
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Chapter 7: What are some funny stories involving dogs and pets?
Is it a cassette?
It's a CD. Oh. And we don't... His thing doesn't work to play off your phone, so we just start driving.
His thing doesn't work to...
like his charger thing. And we start driving to the, we have like an hour long drive and like the CD just starts playing. And the first song is this song, robot rock. That just goes, well, I'm not human. We're all about, it was excruciating. Anyway. Sorry. What were you saying?
Yeah. Some deaf, deaf punk is absurd, but they're cool.
um oh i was just saying that i loved getting to hear they were playing that because i hadn't heard that song in so long and i was like oh my god and then i turned it on and then i just was vibing and i'm like this is great they see did you show them that you played it as well no they i think i was turning right and they were stopping at the light but nice well you can turn right on red but not in new york city that's true why
dangerous i mean it's different on every street you can't turn right at every light but the default is right on right but not in new york city all right what is the worst part about white noise i like pink noise is that real yep okay what's the worst part about any of those noises you get bored
i don't know i've never used them there's brown noise white noise is that there's like actual noise coming out and it's still like and the whole point is to just have like nothing going on in your head right introducing clear noise okay so it's just there it's a recording of like literally nothing
like the most silent room you could ever hear, but if you play it loud enough, then your room is just deadly silent, and it doesn't have any of the crackles, so you get the effect of white noise when you're trying to go to sleep, but you don't have to hear scary like... I don't think that's possible, because if there's no noise coming out of it, then you would hear anything.
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