Jessica Baum

speaker

72 appearances 2 recordings 1 series first heard May 2025 last heard 2 Apr

Jessica Baum’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.

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recordings per month · last 12 months

Recordings per month over the last 12 months — 1 in all, peaking in Apr 2026 with 1.

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Betrayal Season 6 · Listener Mail - How Do I Help My Friend? | Betrayal Weekly — BONUS · 1 May 2025 podcast

Not that I'm okay with her choices, but her choices make sense. Really, when you understand attachment, they can start to make sense.

I keep going back to the theme of like connection is a biological imperative. So her daughter is preserving the connection with her mom as best she can. And you know, It's heartbreaking for us on the outside to see the daughter kind of sacrifice because the natural response to this type of abuse is rage. That is a healthy response.

And if she's really doing some trauma work and working therapeutically, the hope is that the therapist will help her access what it feels like when someone perpetrates your boundaries like that. But again, we don't want to push her there in a therapeutic setting. They might help her see this and make the healthiest choices for her.

But it might be too scary for her to set big boundaries with her mom right now. And I think the best thing you can do for her daughter is be a listener, hold space for her, but don't try to fix her or advise her. If she is in therapy, they can help her set the boundaries. You just need to hold the space and work through with you, Elizabeth, what's coming up in you.

And you might want to work through that with somebody else. Like, I want to tell this daughter this, and I want to tell her this, and I'm having all this anger. And all of that is about you, and it's totally valid. But it's for you to work through in your own kind of space around all of that, because... That's how you can kind of keep the boundaries a little bit better for you.

You can hold space. If she's asking, that's another thing. But with enough therapy, she will get there on her own time, I believe. In her own way, in her own safety, she will say, wait a minute. Let me look at where my rage is or she might access those things, but you can't make her get there faster if she's not ready, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

Yeah, I mean, I have a couple of things to say about that, but boundaries that you said so brilliantly, boundaries aren't about punishing another person or controlling another person. They're about protecting ourselves. Right. And so the boundary that you set was for your own emotional help, you know, to protect yourself from what you were seeing that was causing a lot of distress inside of you.

So when I set a boundary, I try to say, hey, I'm doing this for me. This is why I'm doing it. But I mean, attachment runs deep. And there are times you want to say, like, why don't you just leave? And it's not that simple. It's not that easy. When you describe their love, it sounds like Sarah has a very early attachment bond.

She will override what we all think she should do to stay in relationship to not face the fear of losing her person. She's surviving and staying in an attachment that gives the illusion of being safer or more security. Then leaving and facing the deep well of aloneness or emptiness, her system knows that she might have to face without him. Honestly, that was me.

Often it's not about the other person's behavior. It's not about this guy's behavior. It's about what part of myself do I need to face if I actually leave this relationship that's terrifying me. Her brain is going to work really hard to minimize things to keep connection with him. And everybody on the outside is going to look at this and it's very black and white.

But when you're on the inside and you're living it, it's not that black and white. And it wasn't that black and white for Ashley either. I mean, I had to meet Ashley and I had to say, of course, you love him. Of course, you miss him. Of course, tell me about the good years. It wouldn't have worked if I just went in black and white with you, Ashley, just wouldn't have worked.

This is an iHeart Podcast.

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