Jesy Nelson

And it's such a horrible feeling to have.

Because they're there to help and look after your children.

And they do an amazing job.

But at the same time, you can't help these feelings anymore.

It got so bad to the point where I remember when my mum, because obviously at that time, because they're so vulnerable, you're only allowed mum and dad and grandparents.

And bless my mum, I remember when she came and I couldn't even let my mum hold them.

Because I was like, I just want, like, I don't want any more women holding them because they don't know who I am.

And I remember when I eventually left, I was like, I don't want anyone in my house.

I don't want any woman in my house.

I just want them to know me.

And I've only really just kind of gotten over that now, that feeling.

Even my sister, me and my sister look so much alike.

And I remember when my sister was like, I'm so excited to hold them.

And I remember my whole body was like rejecting.

It was just like, no, no, I don't want to hold them.

At the same time, I knew how much she wanted to hold them.

And the whole time she was holding them, all I kept thinking was, we look alike and they're going to think you're their mum.

don't compare your babies because they're not going to be like full-term babies they're not going to reach the same milestones they're not don't just don't because you'll just torture yourself so that was like and when I tell you like they they like drill that into you like don't compare your baby so when we took them home I noticed all the signs but didn't know what they were I just thought it's because they were premature so even when I was

Even when I held them for the first time, their legs were like in this frog leg position.

And I remember turning to Simon and saying, oh, their legs are so cute.