Jillian Turecki

Yeah, it takes so much courage. It's not just what am I doing in the therapy office. What am I doing when I'm sitting on the couch with my loved one, with my partner, and they're having a hard day, and I don't really feel like listening to it. I'm tired, not in the mood. Am I going to kind of lose presence and not pay attention when they're having a hard day because I'm not in the mood?

Yeah, it takes so much courage. It's not just what am I doing in the therapy office. What am I doing when I'm sitting on the couch with my loved one, with my partner, and they're having a hard day, and I don't really feel like listening to it. I'm tired, not in the mood. Am I going to kind of lose presence and not pay attention when they're having a hard day because I'm not in the mood?

Or am I going to take a deep breath and show up for my partner even though I'm not in the mood? That's healing. Because in those moments, you're overcoming and you're breaking patterns that you did in the past that did not help your relationship. And you are being a better person inside of the relationship. That's healing.

Or am I going to take a deep breath and show up for my partner even though I'm not in the mood? That's healing. Because in those moments, you're overcoming and you're breaking patterns that you did in the past that did not help your relationship. And you are being a better person inside of the relationship. That's healing.

And you actually gain a stronger sense of self when you do things that are good for you and good for your relationship. When you do things that challenge you, rather than, you know, it's like, the road less traveled, the easy route, you're never going to build your sense of wholeness and your self-esteem. You have to do things that challenge you. It's one of the things I talk about in the book.

And you actually gain a stronger sense of self when you do things that are good for you and good for your relationship. When you do things that challenge you, rather than, you know, it's like, the road less traveled, the easy route, you're never going to build your sense of wholeness and your self-esteem. You have to do things that challenge you. It's one of the things I talk about in the book.

You have to do some things that challenge you. And so it's in those seemingly very insignificant moments in a relationship where you're like, oh, I can go this way, which is just like, what I've always done. Or I can go this way even though I'm not in the mood. I'm going to make the choice to go this way. And you feel better about yourself because you've transcended something in yourself.

You have to do some things that challenge you. And so it's in those seemingly very insignificant moments in a relationship where you're like, oh, I can go this way, which is just like, what I've always done. Or I can go this way even though I'm not in the mood. I'm going to make the choice to go this way. And you feel better about yourself because you've transcended something in yourself.

And then that's healing. That healing is happening there. So this idea that some people definitely need a timeout and they need to do work on themselves. I know you did that. I mean, lots of people have to do that. I've done that. Plenty of people I've said, you are not ready to be in a relationship. You are not ready. But other people, it's like, okay, you're ready enough.

And then that's healing. That healing is happening there. So this idea that some people definitely need a timeout and they need to do work on themselves. I know you did that. I mean, lots of people have to do that. I've done that. Plenty of people I've said, you are not ready to be in a relationship. You are not ready. But other people, it's like, okay, you're ready enough.

And the rest you're going to have to do when you're with the person because you learn, because... We how can we build our sense of self-esteem and self-worth and self-acceptance if we're not bouncing off the reflection of other people and how they see us? We know we don't exist in a vacuum. So people often ask me, well, how do you know you're ready? How do you know you've healed enough?

And the rest you're going to have to do when you're with the person because you learn, because... We how can we build our sense of self-esteem and self-worth and self-acceptance if we're not bouncing off the reflection of other people and how they see us? We know we don't exist in a vacuum. So people often ask me, well, how do you know you're ready? How do you know you've healed enough?

How do you know you're ready for a relationship? Well, I mean, there's a lot of when you were number one, when you realize that there is no the one. You choose who the one will be, and you're going to have to make that choice many times throughout your relationship.

How do you know you're ready for a relationship? Well, I mean, there's a lot of when you were number one, when you realize that there is no the one. You choose who the one will be, and you're going to have to make that choice many times throughout your relationship.

Because if you're thinking 10, 20, 30, 40, the rest of your life with someone, you could love them and you can have a great relationship, but you think there's not going to be days where you actually have to choose love? Of course. You're ready for a relationship when you realize there is just no one who's perfect. And you are going to have to decide.

Because if you're thinking 10, 20, 30, 40, the rest of your life with someone, you could love them and you can have a great relationship, but you think there's not going to be days where you actually have to choose love? Of course. You're ready for a relationship when you realize there is just no one who's perfect. And you are going to have to decide.

You have to know what is tolerable versus what is intolerable. Because you have to have a lot of tolerance. Because we are complex. We can be highly annoying. We can be highly weird. We've got our stuff. We've got neuroses. We've got our stuff. What are your deal breakers? What's absolutely intolerable? And can you tolerate the rest?

You have to know what is tolerable versus what is intolerable. Because you have to have a lot of tolerance. Because we are complex. We can be highly annoying. We can be highly weird. We've got our stuff. We've got neuroses. We've got our stuff. What are your deal breakers? What's absolutely intolerable? And can you tolerate the rest?

impressive, beautiful, long-lasting relationships, they are not judgmental. They're not tolerating garbage from the other person. Yeah, disrespect. No, no, no, no. But they're just not judgmental of all the other stuff.

impressive, beautiful, long-lasting relationships, they are not judgmental. They're not tolerating garbage from the other person. Yeah, disrespect. No, no, no, no. But they're just not judgmental of all the other stuff.