Jinger Duggar
speaker
260 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard Jan 2025
Jinger Duggar’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Like there's a point where we just will be so consumed with other people think about us that we are not willing to speak up and say, no, that's not okay. Like we got to stop.
Like kind of talk about the positive talk. I think that we're in a world where we've gone from an extreme of like, okay, we can just say whatever we want and like cut people down to the full positive talk to where it's like, you can go to every side of like, you're the best. You're okay. You're always doing well. Well, sometimes I'm not doing well. Like, yeah, you can do this on your own.
You got this. Like, Um, and I think that that can also be damaging because then we can see like, Oh, I don't need anybody. I can do this by myself. I don't need community and I've got it all together. Well, sometimes I don't have it all together.
And sometimes I need somebody to say, Hey, I think, you know, like you're being a little rough, like you're being a little harsh and I need to be able to receive that criticism and that critique because it's actually what is the most loving thing to tell me in that moment.
And if you did that every single day, yeah, I'd be,
beat down that's not always that's not healthy either but being able to be in a relationship where you can freely talk and there have been some times where you know i've gotten so frustrated with one of the kids and jeremy's like hey babe can you step away for a minute like and that whole switch off thing right like i need to hear that in the moment because i'm so i've been in this setting like and this kid's frustrated me for the past hour and it's just come to a head and i'm like
will you just stop? You know? And he's like, Hey, let, let me, let's take a minute. Take a breath. I'm like, I can take over now. And like, just to like talk to me. And sometimes, you know, it can feel like, okay, when somebody has a critique of me or when they say something, then it's rejection and I'm rejected by you now. Oh, I'm so embarrassed. Cause I reacted that way.
Well, yeah, I should take it. Um, I should take responsibility for that action, but I should also be thankful that they said something, um, because it's not loving for you to just let me be like that, you know? And I think that that's something that we all deal with.
And especially in relationships, like even with other friends, you know, I want them to be able to come to me if there's something that they see or an issue or even a concern they might have, you know, to be able to talk about it genuinely and me not to be defensive. Cause I think that's our first thing as people pleasers is like, well, I wasn't doing that. Or this was my motive.
Like just hear him out and then you can talk about it. And without being reactionary, like your, your identity doesn't depend on that situation, you know, just disconnect yourself from it. Listen, hear them out. And I think that's the way that you can build genuine friendship is when you're able to confront other people about things.
Yeah, and I think that along those lines too, we realize like, okay, if we are getting our self-worth from what people are saying about us positively, the next second they can be saying a criticism. And like even the critics online, we all see it. Everyone sees it on social media, right? Like it doesn't matter what kind of following you have.
You can have somebody who likes the photo, somebody who says, that's stupid, why would you do that? And if you're just allowing that to be your self-worth, like what somebody says about you, then that's wrong as well. Like, cause if they quickly build you up, they can tear you down the next second. So don't let your identity be wrapped up in what people are saying either.
I think that's where for me, it's been helpful to see like, okay, the answer to people pleasing is people pleasing, which is just so crazy, but you're doing it. Not out of a negative desperation. You set that aside. You stop thinking, what can I get out of you? Or are you popular or famous? That's why I want to be your friend. Well, that's going to suck. That's going to lead you to bad places.
So then you start asking, how can I serve you? How can I look into this relationship? And not seeking to get anything out of it because it's so easy. Naturally, we think like, what can I get from you? And I think I went into so many relationships like that and I left disappointed because because I was like, this stinks.
Like I can never get satisfied in this relationship because I'm just like afraid of what you think of me trying to figure out what I can get out of you. And that's just not a good way to live.
Yeah.
Because it just, it was like we were thinking, okay, what is a good title? You know, you always run those things like all around, like talk to the publishers and all of that. And like, wouldn't People Pleaser be a great name? But then it's like, no, that's not going to be possible. But it is interesting because so many people struggle with it. And that's something that
um i was just thinking like if it hasn't been spoken to that many times and it's like the title itself is available that's just insane because everybody understands like whether you are a people pleaser or you know somebody like everybody knows someone who is and so um yeah and i just thought like even me writing the book you know it's interesting because i i
Like every day things will come up where you will struggle with something people pleasing related. And even though now I'm so much further along, like you said, that freedom that you feel. Like when you have started to realize it in yourself, that's the first step of like realizing, wait, I am a people pleaser. So I want to rethink how I'm thinking every single day, every event that comes up.
um stop and think like okay wait i want to retrain my thoughts to not think that way because it's not healthy um and when you get that freedom from people pleasing then you can see like okay now i want other people to experience that too because it's so miserable to live in a place where you're just constantly consumed by like what do they think about me am i wearing the right clothes
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