Joe Loya
👤 SpeakerAppearances Over Time
Podcast Appearances
And right there, I am shown to be a complete coward because I'm sitting there watching my brother get dunked and I don't do anything except freeze.
And he keeps getting dunked.
And at one point, he looks up at me with terror in his eyes.
And I can't do anything.
And he finally lifts my brother up the third time and he leads into his ear and he says, you should have died instead of your mother.
Oh, my God.
So that night I'm thinking I have to kill myself.
That's the first time I contemplate suicide.
I cannot be this guy.
I cannot handle this new version of me that has been shown me.
I'm a coward.
I have no guts.
Here I am thinking I'm this and I'm this.
And it does not comport, man.
It does not fit.
But I have to accept the fact that I'm a coward.
I let him do that on my brother.
I didn't do anything.
And I hate on myself.
I sit with this for like six months.