Joel Lovell

We sat in their TV room and watched a college football game while the father, who was also an assistant coach of his son's team, unleashed an endless commentary about blocking and short pass routes and the wishbone offense. Before dinner, I stared into my plate as they said grace. We had pot roast and potatoes, which my mother cooked all the time, but this didn't taste like hers.

We sat in their TV room and watched a college football game while the father, who was also an assistant coach of his son's team, unleashed an endless commentary about blocking and short pass routes and the wishbone offense. Before dinner, I stared into my plate as they said grace. We had pot roast and potatoes, which my mother cooked all the time, but this didn't taste like hers.

Even their ice cubes had a weird smell to them. and after dessert and more endless football talk, we played Atari, which the mother told the two brothers to include me in. She must have sensed my discomfort, because before bed she looked into my eyes and said that if there was anything I wanted, they were just down the hall, that it was no bother to wake them if I needed to.

Even their ice cubes had a weird smell to them. and after dessert and more endless football talk, we played Atari, which the mother told the two brothers to include me in. She must have sensed my discomfort, because before bed she looked into my eyes and said that if there was anything I wanted, they were just down the hall, that it was no bother to wake them if I needed to.

I slept on the floor in a sleeping bag between the two brothers' beds. They had NFL bedspreads and a Pittsburgh Steelers poster on the ceiling overhead. We talked for a few minutes about the game the next day, and the older brother went on about how my team was going to slaughter his brothers, which was kind of him. And then before long, we stopped talking and they both drifted off to sleep.

I slept on the floor in a sleeping bag between the two brothers' beds. They had NFL bedspreads and a Pittsburgh Steelers poster on the ceiling overhead. We talked for a few minutes about the game the next day, and the older brother went on about how my team was going to slaughter his brothers, which was kind of him. And then before long, we stopped talking and they both drifted off to sleep.

I don't know how much time passed. In my memory, it's hours, though that can't really be the case. I started thinking of home, wondering if my parents were awake and if my brother was still out. And then I started wondering if the mother here in this house would check on us. When it was clear she wasn't going to, I got up and went to the bathroom and hoped that she'd hear me in there.

I don't know how much time passed. In my memory, it's hours, though that can't really be the case. I started thinking of home, wondering if my parents were awake and if my brother was still out. And then I started wondering if the mother here in this house would check on us. When it was clear she wasn't going to, I got up and went to the bathroom and hoped that she'd hear me in there.

I turned on the bathroom light and looked in the mirror, flushed the toilet and let the water run for a while. I didn't know what I'd say to her, but I just wanted her to come out and comfort me in some way, maybe give me something to drink or some more pie, or just talk to me for a while about my parents or school or the wishbone offense for all I cared.

I turned on the bathroom light and looked in the mirror, flushed the toilet and let the water run for a while. I didn't know what I'd say to her, but I just wanted her to come out and comfort me in some way, maybe give me something to drink or some more pie, or just talk to me for a while about my parents or school or the wishbone offense for all I cared.

I stepped back into the hallway and stood there in my pajamas, listening to the house. The parents were still awake in their room. A light was on. And so I walked to their door and knocked on it, thinking I'd apologize and then ask for a glass of water. I nudged the door open, and there was the mother on her bed, and behind her the father, red-faced and naked.

I stepped back into the hallway and stood there in my pajamas, listening to the house. The parents were still awake in their room. A light was on. And so I walked to their door and knocked on it, thinking I'd apologize and then ask for a glass of water. I nudged the door open, and there was the mother on her bed, and behind her the father, red-faced and naked.

I had no idea what I was seeing, just that I shouldn't be. Her head was bent toward the sheets, and she never lifted it. He looked right at me. He was pale and fat, and there was a scar that ran vertically from his navel. Neither of us said a thing. I closed the door and hurried back to the boys' bedroom and waited for something to happen, but nothing did.

I had no idea what I was seeing, just that I shouldn't be. Her head was bent toward the sheets, and she never lifted it. He looked right at me. He was pale and fat, and there was a scar that ran vertically from his navel. Neither of us said a thing. I closed the door and hurried back to the boys' bedroom and waited for something to happen, but nothing did.

The next morning, the mother would make pancakes and bacon, and the father would come in from outdoors and tussle my hair and say it was a cold day for a football game. Neither of them would hint it would happen in the bedroom. That was all hours away, though.

The next morning, the mother would make pancakes and bacon, and the father would come in from outdoors and tussle my hair and say it was a cold day for a football game. Neither of them would hint it would happen in the bedroom. That was all hours away, though.

I lay there for a while, listening to the sound of the brothers breathing on either side of me, simultaneously trying to block out and then bring into sharper focus what I had just seen, to make sense of what it all meant. I was 11 years old. My brother, who I was closer to than anyone in the world, was turning into someone I no longer knew.

I lay there for a while, listening to the sound of the brothers breathing on either side of me, simultaneously trying to block out and then bring into sharper focus what I had just seen, to make sense of what it all meant. I was 11 years old. My brother, who I was closer to than anyone in the world, was turning into someone I no longer knew.

I was lying on a floor in the house of complete strangers, and I'd just opened the door on a large pale man having sex with his sweet matronly wife, the closest thing to my mother for 300 miles. You just have no idea what's going on at any moment, in any family, in any house. Pretty much everything in life is an absolute friggin' mystery. There was still a lot of night ahead of me

I was lying on a floor in the house of complete strangers, and I'd just opened the door on a large pale man having sex with his sweet matronly wife, the closest thing to my mother for 300 miles. You just have no idea what's going on at any moment, in any family, in any house. Pretty much everything in life is an absolute friggin' mystery. There was still a lot of night ahead of me