Joey
π€ PersonPodcast Appearances
He started a war.
It's like, I don't know, what's it? Jersey.
That's true. That's Hollywood Jesus.
This is unbelievable. No, no, no. Okay, I'm not saying it's fake. You're going to tell me Jews built the pyramids now? No.
Well, I would sayβ No, like, if you're going to change it, change it.
You've got to know who he's speaking to. He's saying he's one of y'all.
Okay, okay, okay. Are you a chauffeur? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What were the other things? You have a biblical scholar here right now. He's a historian. He benches 240 for 12 reps.
Quite a girl.
You've been 400. Yeah, I couldn't grow tall, so I had to grow wide. Fair enough.
Do they do that on the internet? Yes.
Don't mess that up. Progressive Bible.
I know people who were in relationships with construction equipment.
I know people who were in relationships with construction equipment.
I know people who were in relationships with construction equipment.
I know people who were in relationships with construction equipment.
No, but I don't know if it was a wedding, but it was a party that I was at with you where it was like there was a lot of people around on a dance floor. And this song comes on, and you should have seen the look in Frankie's eyes. I legitimately got started to get scared. And then when the chorus hits, and it's like, move in and move out.
Okay, you were going to say fish. You have a gold flake. Oh, this fucking... The other way, other way, other way. Other cheek. Is it gone? Is it gone? Look at me, look at me. Move your face.
Is 17 the one that we used to go to David's house and watch all the time?
I watched WrestleMania 17 probably like six years ago. Yeah. When I was in Long Island City. Did you hear it? Yeah. When I was in Long Island City, I legit went on the WWE app and made an account just so I could watch that whole pay-per-view.
I feel like it makes white people psychotic.
I mean, I think if you just hit them in the ass with a chainsaw.
Wait, I don't want to forget this, and I'm sorry that we're jumping to a completely different topic now, but you just reminded me when you said lacerate. You ever see, like, a doctor use a scalpel and just cut open a person? Mm-hmm.
This is going to sound so insane, and YouTube may never forgive me for this, but something about watching someone getting surgically cut open is cool.
And I don't think that I'm by myself because sometimes they make the little gallery.
But just like opening up a person is crazy.
I have to preface this with some more information though, but like after the schooling and all that, right? Do you think performing surgery is hard?
Hear me out, hear me out. How many organs are there?
206, yes. I don't know why I know that one. But the organs, you never hear the organ question.
I mean, I think... I'm not trying to put down doctors. I know they're way smarter than me, and I know that. What a sentence.
Dude, one time I went to the dentist, and I was getting Novocaine, and he must have hit a nerve because I felt a string of fire go from here around my forehead and through here. Like, shoom! And I was like, oh!
Yeah, no, it's fine. It happened to someone else, a friend of mine. You were about to say you got jacked.
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Do you know what I'm saying? I have no idea what you're saying.
It oddly is. Like swine flu, if you guys remember in this country, swine flu, it literally started at my high school.
No, that's not how it happened, Frank. Apparently, some of the seniors in my school... I don't remember what year I was.
I think they went on vacation. I can't remember where they went, but then they picked up swine flu and brought it back to the States. That's crazy.
Did I tell you this? Swine flu is when I started swallowing pills.
But like, no, but like that was when I first was like, okay, like an Advil or Tylenol.
I, I couldn't take them. I couldn't swallow pills.
Yeah. Wait, you had lizards and your cat ate your pets? Yeah.
First I'm hearing about this.
Wait, how did your mom know this happened at 3 a.m.?
We still don't know if that's true or not, but it feels right.
Yeah, yeah. I used to hold them up.
I'll tell you this. You know what? They're like, you can hear the ocean. I learned that that wasn't the ocean.
Which is extremely old for me.
And it's just like, no, that's sound just bouncing around this show.
I'm going to look it up after this conversation is over, but I'm telling you with my whole ass that I'm pretty positive that is not it at all.
This shell is, what, connected to another shell in the middle of the ocean? I'm just hearing it?
I don't think the video is still up on YouTube. Thank God. But I was on the deck at my mom's house, and they had a baby next door in the yard. You could hear the baby crying in the background. My dad called me, dude.
no my dad called me and he goes do you know what that is and I was like what are you talking about he's like that sound at this point of you hear that I go yeah he goes do you know what that is I said it's a baby and he goes no it's not and I go get ahead And he goes, Joe, that's an ancient horn. They've been hearing it all over the world.
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I think we would be remiss to not talk about Luigi.
We haven't talked about Luigi. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Not that Luigi.
I feel like you always get food poisoning. I get food poisoning once every three years.
I know. This was my klepto phase.
I actually missed that. I wasn't there for that. Yeah, you were. No, I wasn't. What? Yeah, I wasn't there that night. I was so mad.
People are showing up for Luigi.
I don't know why the word Luigi is so funny to me.
Yeah. I will say this. The photo of him, like, he, like, he's getting arrested like a fucking Marvel villain. Yeah. Like, he's on a dock.
Yeah, we should be thanking McDonald's. For catching this guy and for killing us slowly for this many years.
Well, I'm saying adventurous in the sense of I probably am at a higher risk of getting food poisoning if I'm going out to restaurants.
You know what I thought was interesting? I'm like, ooh, this is kind of crazy.
But yeah, I thought that was interesting because then people were like, yo, someone like fucking kills like five people. And then it's like, all right, this person's going to jail. But now you're getting charged for terrorism.
There you go. That would have hurt me a lot.
Well, that place is also like a nice place that I went to. There was an E. coli outbreak. You know, don't eat the fucking carrots and stuff.
Yeah. Well, they all are, aren't they? It's like, oh, just try to understand the villain.
When you really think about, like, in the grand scheme of, like, Gotham, what's the difference?
Okay, so Gotham... I feel terrible for these people who live there.
Yeah, that was a crazy photo, which is crazy because it beat out the Trump one.
I, I, I'm not kidding. I don't think that there's ever been a more accurate joke to be made.
I know what you're saying.
Yeah, like the tower's burning.
Oh, man. See, I can tell you this right now. If you were doing that in front of me... I'd be losing it.
It was going to, I was going to say like that kind of shit or when you were younger and someone came up to you and was like, yo, do you like this or that? You always knew.
But it's like, yeah, I remember that one too. It was like, oh, I don't know. I liked it. And she's like, yo, you're gay.
Tons of people had crushes on you.
You know what I do remember going through a phase of? Lana. Lana.
Lana was one where it was like, yo, do you like Lana?
Yeah, me neither. I think it's starting to get to that point.
This doesn't even look like him.
Really good is crazy. I think the better question is, do you think Limp Bizkit holds up as much as Frankie thinks it holds up?
Did you do it all for the nookie? What? The nookie. Huh? So you can take that cookie. And? And we'll see you next time.
I think that all of them lose money in their first year.
Well, I think retired law enforcement brought that back.
Yeah, but we're young, dude.
But that's what I'm saying.
Frank, I have never heard that term before in my entire life. Did you make that up?
Now... I thought the Nookie was puss, but I'm not sure.
What's this cookie that he's talking about?
You love the song Rollin'. Literally, when it comes on, dude, you guys have to see Frankie. He legitimately can't help himself and transforms like a werewolf in the night. Like, you put on the song Rollin' by Limp Bizkit, and he just like...
When's the full moon out? You want to do semantics? Yeah. Nighttime.
But wait. If there's a full... Because sometimes I see the full moon out during the day.
Skin. Skin, you know. Skin, what are they called?
If it's not there, it's like, you know, it's the idea of like ignorance is bliss. If I don't know it's there, I'm better off. You know what I'm saying? I will say 2% is a lot. It is a lot when you think about it. Yeah, it's more than like human error would allow. It's not nearly high. 6% isn't high enough for me to go, I'll be honest. I'll be honest. I'm a piece of shit consumer.
I'll just be like, what's the name of this company? I just won't have that company's hot dogs.
oh like let's just start eating them yeah here's the thing you know us the basement boys we had another successful 2024 uh which um you know another dog sucking season down it's funny i actually stumbled upon the clip recently that we said that for next year for 2025 this dog sucking season the theme is going to be the dog sucks you which at this point in time technically technically
I thought that we could promote that. I think technically in a way, this is kind of bringing to fruition the idea that like, Humans and hot dogs now have a symbiotic relationship. We need each other to exist. Hot dogs wouldn't exist if we wouldn't eat them, and we wouldn't exist unless we ate hot dogs. So now it's good with the circle of life. I've been watching a lot of Lion King lately.
That wasn't mixed with shit. Well, yeah, exactly.
Hold on here. I've stumbled upon a great point. The circle of life. The lion eats the antelope. The lion dies, becomes the grass. The grass gets eaten by the antelope. Circle of life. Hear me out. A human is born. They live their life. They eat a hot dog. They then become part of the hot dog at some point in their natural or post-natural life. Explain that part. What are you talking about?
The human DNA. Oh, got it. Yeah, but they're not like making the hot dog six feet deep. Well, possibly. What if it's like, you know, what if the human DNA that has been foundβ What if the hot dog stand is on a hot dog factory? On top of a cemetery. Right.
But, like, drinking, like, a whiskey neat is bananas and the sun is out? Yeah. You need to put an ice cube or two in that. Although, you know, like, people get into the whole, like, you're ruining it. I drink everything. Oh, not everything.
Or what if I go to pay my respects and lay my family member to rest and I touch them one last time and then I sprinkle that over the hot dog factory? Listen, that would be disgusting. It would, but I'm just saying, circle of life.
Well, in theory... In theory, hear me out. Frank, I've heard you inside and out. And there's the theory is debunked. I don't think so. I think... Through time, we have found that some of the greatest contributions to the culinary world have been phallic-shaped. Hot dogs, subs, popsicles. It is only natural that we keep finding our way back.
Like two ships upon the horizon, eventually they will meet again. And no matter what you do, us humans will always find our way to hot dogs. And hot dogs will always find their way to us.
That's why when you bite into some, it snaps at you. I kind of like that.
Oh, like the little. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Like the little asshole at the end.
You bite it off because you're. But I spit it out. No, you don't. I do. Why do you spit that out but you'll eat the rest of the hot dog? Because I just don't. I don't know. At the end of the hot dog has a point. I go, uh. It's like a water balloon, right?
Chocolate milk. I don't know. Chocolate milk? Or a protein shake. Why do you have such a strong wrist? No, no, no. It's not about that, Frank. Have you ever stirred anything in your life?
It makes bubbles. I mean, you're stirring fucking tea very lightly. I don't stir tea, bitch. I have it still the way I like it. Got it.
You just want to feel them pop in your mouth, don't you, you freak?
I'd rather to get them all out of the way. Get them out of the way. They're part of the drink. I know.
They are the offspring of whatever action, the chemical reaction that you just fucking underwent. I don't like them. I don't like them. I don't like them. You ever want to eat the bubbles on like a beach? Like you see the beach has like bubbles and stuff.
Oh, they look yummy. You like that? They look yummy. Because it's also like met with like. Yeah, it looks like it could be piss. Let's be honest. It's the jizz of the ocean. Oh, it does look like frothy piss. It does look like frothy piss. Yeah. But it does look like it would be fun to... There's like a paste also, though. Yeah, yeah. All right, maybe I shouldn't. Seaweed sucks, too.
Dude, seaweed's delicious. Delicious is insane. Seaweed. Of course I've had seaweed. Okay. And you don't like it? It barely has a taste and it's salty. What is delicious about that? Bug. You're bugging. Frank, explain how this is like a savory thing. It is. If you have like seaweed chips, it has like a savory taste to it. I don't know what savory means. Umami.
It's one of the flavor indicators on your tongue. I know that, but I don't. I can't. I can't even. Like soy saucy. Soy sauce is like salty. Yeah, but there's also an umami richness to it. Right. I see now you're saying things that I don't. I'm not saying anything that your brain should not already fucking comprehend. I know what umami is a thing.
You know spicy.
You remember that fucking science experiment we would do in like fifth and sixth grade where it would be like each of these cotton swabs or what are they called? Q-tips. Q-tips have a different flavor on them. Put them on different parts of your tongue and it's just like here is salty, here is sweet, here is spicy. You don't remember that?
Oh, that's right, because you went to a fucking high school where they were just like, all right, each of these cotton balls have different types of holy water on them. Put them on your skin to see what burns you, you fucking sitting bastard. That's you. That's you.
No! I didn't get to cut open animals.
This is bullshit, because I think that it's an American staple that when you get to high school, eventually you take a class that you eventually fail. Before that, before you fail the class, you're able to cut open a frog and look at its insides, and then you also see the kid who's really into it, and you're like, that kid's going to kill everyone. Well, a couple people at least.
And we didn't get to cut any animal open. I'll be honest. I realize now as it's coming out of my mouth, me being upset about that is a little weird. It is. But you know what, though? It's the American dream. Anytime you watch a movie about high school or middle-aged kids, there's always science class where they're like, today we're cutting open a frog. And I'm just like, bitch. What's that called?
Dissect. Dissecting. We never dissected. Dissectamine. We were dissecting the fucking Bible. You were. I wasn't. I know. I was dissecting circles and parabolas and shit like that. Right. Can I ask you a serious question? Yeah. I do want to cut open a frog.
I haven't seen E.T. in quite a while.
I'll say this. Yeah. I will shoot for dissecting a frog. I will fall back on a chocolate frog in Harry Potter. Those bitches look delicious. Yeah, but they were alive. Ew. Yeah, so? You ever hold a frog?
I don't think I have.
I almost ran over one with my lawnmower. Saw it last second. This thing got out of there. Damn. Yeah. I almost ran over a bird the other day. They don't get out of the way anymore.
Fuck them. Let them go. I know, but I can't. You can, babe. I ran over one once. I felt bad for it. I'm sorry. It was an accident. PETA. Yeah. But I was just like, it happened. Now what? I would feel less crazy about a bird, but if I ran over like a raccoon, I'd feel horrific. I would feel bad unless it was a possum.
Hell yeah, I like raccoons more. You ever seen a possum?
What? It's extinct, that thing.
No, I like ferrets.
You like them? They're kind of little cute guys.
They're little cute guys. I don't like them. If you could pick three animals to extinct right now, who would it be? Ferrets. Crazy, but okay. All fucking bugs. All of them.
Really? Make it cold.
Bro, do you know that I met people in my life that prefer room temperature water? I don't mind it. What are they, lizards? What is that? I guess so. I guess so. I'm not staking my flag in any part of the ground here. I don't feel any particular way about the temperature of water.
mosquitoes fuck out of here mosquitoes listen i used to be on board with that you like them now but like they're like pivotal to like the environment like they are eaten by a lot of different like you know like bats and bats eat mosquito mosquito how much how much nourishment can you get i kind of like i like spiders i fuck with spiders spiders and i are like this you know so like i don't want to get rid of them
Ticks, see you later. Ticks, get out of here. So stupid. Flies, do we care? So stupid. Do we care? Flies, but flies, you know, like they have a purpose. But they're so.
They are annoying.
They are really stupid. Horse flies at least. Give me that. Get the fuck out of here with a horse fly.
I like hippos. Do you like them more than rhinos, though? Hell no. If it was a choice between keeping rhinos or hippos. I like rhinos because rhinos are also more docile. Hippos kill more people in the world than I think any other animal. That is true. They are. They are.
Oh, yeah. But, like, a really big animal, if I could just get really close to this β You're confident that you can β I know what you're saying.
I gotta be- I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Forgive me. You want to start over? I'll start. Let me open.
You're confident.
Listen, I have said this and you have called me crazy for this. I believe that if you give me and a gorilla like a good 10, 15 minute vibe check, they won't hurt me because I will be like... We'll just connect on a deeper level. I'll do this. I'll admit. Once you do this and they do that, you're in, baby. Rhinos can't do that shit. But I know, but like...
Did they get her, by the way?
Don't ask who they are, but you know... Yeah.
And I'm telling you right now, the thing's going to like. No, it ain't, Joe, because that means you're in the deep ocean, you fuck. You're dead, dude. This thing just needs to fucking wag its... Do you know... Wag its tail. Do you know how big blue whales are? The eye is probably like that big. It's massive. Joey, dude, it's got to look at me. It's got to feel the vibes.
You believe you can connect and vibe with a blue whale? Bugging. Yeah.
He's not going to try and hurt me.
Oh, he is definitely interested in you.
And if you even fucking have one small thing, one little tick, this thing will just crush you. Bro, they don't fight. They eat plankton and shit. They do. Krill, actually.
No. Yeah. Yeah.
I think with me, it would be a gorilla. That's dangerous as hell. Joey, you want to be with the largest fucking animal on the planet. Dude, being in a room with a gorilla is way more dangerous. Than being in the open ocean with a fucking blue whale? If I have a boat right here. Oh, yeah, sure, fine. Put a fucking piece of plexiglass. You're talking about protection. No, no, no, no.
I'm talking, I'm not, no, I'm like in the water. You think, seriously. Yes. You think it's less dangerous to be in, for 10 minutes, let's say. Yeah. The open ocean. Yes. With a blue whale.
Swimming next to it. Okay, you can have a boat anywhere. Yeah. Then me on that corner and a gorilla on that corner.
Too cold, though? It hurts my throat. Yeah, don't go too cold, because then my throat gets too cold, and I could track the water go down my esophagus into my stomach. I don't like that.
One hundred million percent. You're in a small room with something that if it decides it just had a bad day, that it could grab you by the foot and throw you against the ceiling.
I have watched Tarzan. I have watched Mighty Joe Young. King Kong. Mighty Joe Young. You remember that? Great movie. I believe that I have the ability to... I'm not saying communicate with this animal, but let it know that I am like passing all the fucking vibe checks. I am docile. I am happy for them. I respect them. They want to be the alpha of this domain.
I know I am the real alpha given an Uzi or a machine gun of some sort, but I'll let them believe that they are the alpha. And I will let it have its time. I'll do the thing they do on Planet of the Apes. Planet of the Apes. You know? How'd that work out? There was a war between man and apes because man tried to attack apes. I wouldn't. And the nice people, Caesar treated them well.
God damn it, Joey. You can't try to say, how did that go out? I literally was like, Julius Caesar? What the fuck? God, you really need to watch those movies. They are exceptional. Exceptional. They're really, really good. But back to what we were saying. We're both delusional. Back to what we were saying. We're still going to have hot dogs.
We're still going to have hot dogs.
Well, you have to. Not before we have the ads, though. That's right. We do have some sponsors for today. The first one being Squarespace.
I was just going to ask a stupid question, but I shouldn't, right? Right. No, you should. Okay. Water goes into your stomach? Where else would it go? I don't know. It gets like, you know how there's leach fields and stuff like that? No, I don't. Never heard of a leach field? No. Well, because at the lake house we had septic tanks, which... Frank, you're a human being. You're not a septic tank.
And go to patreon.com slash TheBasementYard to continue to support us. We thank you guys so much for the continued support throughout the year of 2024.
This is, if you're watching this, whether it be on Patreon a week early, that's right, a week early, people get these episodes, patrons of that first year get these episodes one week early, or if you're watching this on YouTube, where everyone else gets the opportunity to see it. This is our last episode of 2024, and we can't thank you guys enough for the continued growth of
support, and love that you have given us throughout this year. We're really excited for 2025. Joe, right before we started recording, excuse me, was just talking to me about some, you know, some things that he has, ideas he's had about, you know, kind of where to bring the show for you guys, not only our loyal fans, but also our loyal patrons. So thank you so much. Sign up today.
With that first tier, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And then that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday, which... If things go the way that Joey is saying that they might, they might get a little out of control, a little crazy, a little hectic. So thank you guys again. We really appreciate it. We're excited for 2025. Come take this journey with us.
Listen to me. First of all, you asked the right people. Depending on what I eat, I am a septic tank, okay?
We promise it's going to be worth it. Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. That would have went in. You slammed the rim. That would have went in, though, baby. No, it wouldn't have. I didn't even bring up the fact that you're wearing sunglasses indoors for no reason other than it's just... I like to mix it up. Do you?
I only wear sunglasses. Let's dive into that. Why does it bother you so much, Frank? Are you angry? Joey, this is a show where we like to make fun of each other and have quippy banter. Quippy banter! What's that? I don't know. You might be dead. Yeah, I don't know what's going on. You might be turned into a mummy. That's how I imagine mummies talk. I see what you're doing.
You see that, right, bitch? Frank knows that we're talking about pyramids next. Yeah, because I don't know if you guys saw, but allegedly... You look like a mummy. I mean, it sounds like if a mummy were to talk, people are just like... No, it would be... It would be like the first Dumbledore. He'd be very thirsty. Yeah, the first Dumbledore. You know what I'm talking about? The first Dumbledore?
We all are sometimes. But when we were setting up the septic tank, septic tanks are meant to just house solids. Like the liquids, if it houses liquids, it could fill up prematurely and it's not a good system. So you install something called a leach field. So it's like a tube that comes off of your sewage line. So like β
Yeah. You know what? Listen. Kudos to the actor. Richard Harris was the original Dumbledore.
But could you have imagined him being Dumbledore throughout the rest of the show? Bro, he's not fighting anything. Listen, and spoiler alert for the Harry Potter books and movies, but, like... Could you have imagined that he would, like... Like, look at how animated Dumbledore gets in the last, you know, like, two or three books or something like that.
Dude, that scene is so fucking sick. Which one? When they go to get... Spoiler again. It's Harry fucking Potter. When they go to get one of the horcruxes and Harry gets, like, pulled under the water. And then all he just sees fire and he just fucking shows.
Double doors. Just fucking, you know, fucking fire tornado or some shit. Yeah. Listen, man, I got to say he can move. He can move. He can move. I don't know if it was him. I don't know what I heard. That was so it was, it was game bone. You know what I heard, which was so sick, that the actor that played him in the later movies, Michael Gambon, RIP. Gambon. They're both down. They took them both.
And they took McGonagall, and they took Hagrid. Crazy.
And they took Malfoy's mom. Also, triply crazy.
All the guys who are evil are alive. Was Hagrid a Gryffindor?
He was in the original Order of the Phoenix. Yeah. I'm just saying, like... I forgot what I was saying.
I'm just saying, like... I don't know what I'm saying. Where is I going with that? I have no idea. Oh, I heard that Michael Gambon, the actor that played Dumbledore, would hide cigarettes in his outfit. So, dude... That's so fire.
Don't smoke cigarettes. Unless you're fucking Dumbledore. Yeah. Could you imagine being a fucking kid and just like on a movie set where there's an animatronic dragon and a basilisk coming out of a stone mouth? Although that was the original one. All right, let's do third movie where it's a fucking werewolf and shit. And then you just see Dumbledore just fucking... banging heaters. Just ripping.
Just hacking darts.
That'd be awesome.
Yeah. Yo, and he's just sitting back. He has a giant... He's also kind of a drunk. He's got a giant glass of brandy and just cigarettes and he's just like... So then I says to Voldemort, like, get the fuck out of here, this shit.
Horcruxes? I barely know her. Malfoy, I don't know, Malfoy. McGonagall. Malfoy, your dad looks like a hot woman.
What is that about? Listen up. Hagrid. What are we going to do about this hippogriff?
Listen, you might be Lestrange. I'll show you something to get Lestrange. Yeah, I'll show you something strange. Sirius Black. Whoa. Take it easy, fellas. I don't see colors.
Sirius. Sirius African American, I think, you fucking freak. Oh, my God. I had a couple of Horcruxes once. Your mother's a Horcrux, Voldemort. What's your nose, kid? Disgusting, that thing.
liquids just go into the ground i think that everything goes into the stomach and then it kind of like goes but i'm saying like i would imagine this would be hold on this might be i guess i can't pitch this invention to anyone because we're all made by the same creator you're also getting things wrong so i don't know that you're inventing like what if we changed our bodies so like when you drink water uh-huh it like oh you want to reinvent the human body go ahead
Riddle me this, you little bitch. How cool would that be if they just had a behind-the-scenes of Dumbledore just posted up? Yeah, dude. Also, one thing I really noticed about that movie is how dirty Mr. Filch is.
This dude, he's so dirty. He's so dirty. In that movie. And that cat's a dirty little bitch too.
Bro, you work at the most famous wizarding school. Where are you sleeping?
One bath, brother.
Yeah, like once.
Just take a bath. It's magic.
Do this and you'll be clean. Well, no, no, no. He's something called a squib filch. He's born to magical parents, but he is not magic.
Wow, what a loser.
What a fucking loser. You know what I'm saying? I feel bad because I feel like that's like, you know, now we're getting into like, you know, symbolism for like, you know, some kind of fucked up stuff.
Yeah, those glasses are doing something to you.
He had a job. He was fine.
I will say, imagine being a non-magical person working at that school, and they're just like, go clean it up. And it's like, you fucking clean it up, bitch. You fucking, yeah, bro. You fucking won that shit. I just watched Hermione fix fucking Harry's glasses with one flick of her wrist. You want me to clean up this fucking dead troll? The fuck? Why am I fixing the stairs, bro?
Do a fucking, do a little repair-o.
How do I fix a painting that's moving? What do you mean, fix it? I don't even know how to get up to the ninth floor because the stairs keep moving. Why don't we put an elevator in this fucking place?
Yo, just give me one broom. That's all I ask.
A broom? Lots of the brooms are just sweeping themselves. Yeah. What do you need me for? Yeah, dude. What's the point? What's the point? God damn.
Morning Myrtle made the mess in the bathroom. She should have to clean it up.
And she splashes into water, and now I got to clean it up? Good old Filch? Yeah, yo, that's honestly disgusting. That's so fucked up. Yo, they got him as a servant. I don't like that shit. Me neither. And I feel like when he was walking around, you could hear chains. Now I'm on his side. Honestly, now I can understand why he was such a fucking miserable prick that only loved this cat.
Because that's the only thing that treated him like he was anything in this world. Wait, wait, what was this cat's name? Mrs. Norris. You knew I would know that.
I'm not. I'm not.
He's fingering that cat's butt so fucking hard, dude. Yes, dude. He's a weirdo. It's what, it's, it's, it's like, it's, you know. And, and listen, Dumbledore, because he's to blame.
He's to blame. It's your house.
It's your house. You know. You're kind of fucked up to this guy. You know what, though? Maybe he did wrong. Maybe he was like a former bad guy or something like that. Because I also just forgot, apparently Dumbledore was gay. Was he gay? Yeah, that's what fucking... One of the few things J.K. Rowling has said after the books came out that is not... Oh, she was like, he's gay.
She's like, he's gay and he shits on the floor. Wait, what? Yeah, dude. Oh, I missed the shit on the floor. Yeah, she said they were just like, oh, does he wear anything? And they were like, no, they crap in their robes.
I mean, it's really hard to take most of what she says.
Not about schoolgirls going to fucking take pisses in bathrooms. But when she goes to the bathroom and then she's washing her hands and the troll shows up in the first movie, that's the only time.
She was crying in the bathroom.
She was crying because Ron was being a piece of shit. Right. He was being a leviosa. Not leviosa. No wonder she's got no friends. Yeah. Fuck you, Ron.
I'm just saying, wouldn't it make more sense if water didn't go in our stomach and it, like, the stomach was just, like, only for solids and water seeped into other stuff? I agree. Well, I think that it should just be spread out. Yes. Like, my arms, my hands, my legs.
Yeah, you fucking... You have dirt in your nose, bitch. Talk about... Hand me down... Wizardry droves.
welcome back to the basement yard it's frank from the basement yard i'm here with my co-host um joe you look like a fucking idiot see this is how you start episodes i know you know you know it's just it's that time of the year where i gotta i gotta like first of all it's supposed to be the most joyous time it is the most joyous time of the year but the time of the most wonderful time of the year
I'm just saying. Droves.
Not only have I never met Hermione Granger, the actress that portrayed her or the real life character. I'll go to bat for her, dog. You talk shit about Hermione Granger, you're going to get fucked up, dude. That's why she got fucking Victor Crumb. Yeah. Dude, this guy came and he was just like, I like you. And she's like, all right. He's like, I'm Russian. And she's like, fine. Yeah, dude.
So cool. So cool, Ben Roethlisberger. But tell me he didn't look like Ben Roethlisberger. I don't remember.
Kind of looked a little bit like Ben Roethlisberger. In my opinion. Whatever. We've been on Harry Potter. The pyramids. But I was going to say, imagine, like we were saying, imagine like Dumbledore, a glass of brandy, smoking cigarettes. Imagine, no wonder Voldemort was so afraid of him. He was probably being like such like a, like sassy with him and all that stuff.
You know, Voldemort would be like, we have to get rid of non-pure bloods.
He was just roasted up, just dragging him. He should be like, nice robe, Snape.
Hold on. He rented the pyramids for 100 hours. If this becomes a clip... Us originally introducing this, the 20 minutes of Harry Potter talk, and now this part is going to be incredible for someone to cut through. I don't... No, yeah, apparently... What's the price? Was there a price revealed? Fucking no. It's got to be in the... Something crazy. Several millions.
How about the fact that you can rent all three of the Great Pyramids hourly? A hundred hours. Crazy. I... First of all, no matter what... Because listen, we've established that the Great Pyramids are like structural marvels. Yeah. They're old enough that I'm not getting in them.
You're going in?
Dude, have you seen the mummy? Yeah. There's Beatles, dude. There's Beatles. There's books with cool locks on it. Those I like. I do like those. And then the thing opens. You know what I'm talking about? I wouldn't get any. I wouldn't go down any paths that were tight. You know what I mean? Like I'd need a big hallway to enter the. I'm going to go one further. I'm not getting in it.
Would you get on it? On top of it?
I'd climb a couple, not all the way to the top. Oh, I'd go up there. What if it just starts to go? Who? The pyramid, brother. Go what? Collapse? Yeah. Then down I go like Humpty Dumpty. You're going down like Humpty? What am I going to do? You're going to Humpty all the way down to the Dumpty. Yeah, what else am I going to do? It's not going to fall down. It's Frank. It's been up for how long?
It's going down when I climb it? I mean, honestly, with certain luck, maybe. You never know. I will say that I... I don't know why anyone in their right mind would go poking around those places.
That shouldn't. That is poor design. Hey, God, I know you're watching because you're always watching you, Santa Claus.
If you rented the pyramids, I would go in them because it's like, oh, this doesn't happen. Like, this is only for... Right. This is... But... Oh, I'm going. I'm keeping my hands in my pockets... I'm not going to like β And I'm not touching anything. I'm not reading anything. I wouldn't murmur anything because then I'd be scared about, you know, kicking up some spiritual dust.
He's going to go in there and say, what does that say on the wall? And then β Yeah. You can't read out loud. Do it in your head. Don't β and even then, I would just look down. Yeah, probably. Just look down and don't touch anything. Right. Don't touch β step very carefully too. I imagine there's a ton of booby traps in there. Definitely boobies. Definitely boobies. Definitely boobies.
What's brave? It's a dead body. Joey. Spirits. There is enough like media about mummies. Frank, there's three... George of the Jungle movies about it, okay? Mummies? Who's the guy? Brendan Fraser. Thank you. Don't you dare disrespect me. I love Brendan Fraser. I know. You are a big fan of Bedazzled, and not just for Brendan Fraser, but also for Elizabeth Hurley.
And the devil. And my grandma. I get grandma. Big brother. The five big parties that are always watching the birds. Wait, the big birds, too. Yeah. So that's the government. The birds. Big brother. Big brother is the government. Oh, OK. So we'll put them together. Big brother. Right. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. God, your grandmother, the devil. Right. Always watching. What a group.
Yeah. Yeah. I'm just saying. I don't know what he's going to do in there. This might, between this, between the drones, between the weather, climate, whatever, this might be the end of us. If he goes in there, he says one wrong thing. And all these streamers have weird names. He might be talking about, like, oh, here is Jacksepticeye, and he might fucking bring upon some crazy mummy. Yeah.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, I agree.
Because then he comes out, and he's like this. And then we're all dead, dude. Mm-hmm. If I hear one mention of Emotep, oh, my God. What's that? You don't remember? Emotep from The Mummy.
Now you're dead, dude. Now I'm going to end up on those websites where it's like, he's doing the thing. He was at Diddy's party. He wore the sweatshirt, too.
I will say that it's not even just fame. There's a certain amount of wealth that comes along with that. That too. Get me to a certain level of wealth. You can say I am in bed with any cult that you want. I don't really care as long as my check's clear and I am safe.
Now you have to lean into it. But then they would say like, oh, they're making him do that. It's like they're shaming him. Like they did with Tom Holland. I would just walk outside in like a thong and nothing. It's like, oh my God, humiliation ritual. Yeah. Remember people were doing that to Tom Holland where they were just like, they made Tom Holland do the Rihanna umbrella song.
It's like a shame.
It's like, bro.
One of the biggest clips, one of the biggest stars on the planet.
And also, they'll come move.
Well, yeah, he was Billy Elliot, right? Oh, shit. Was he tap dancing? I think he was. I think that's where he got started on West End. I think he got started on West End. Damn, shout out to him. Tom Holland. Yo, by the way, before we get out of here, I do want to say. No, no, no. I've been big on the Timothee Chalamet train right now. Dude, this dude is just like, you know what?
Whatever your conception is of me. Here it is on its head. I fuck with Timothee Chalamet so hard it's crazy. Yeah, dude. Billy Elliot. Timmy, if you're watching this, you're not. Let's go grab a Pilsner somewhere. Can I join? Yeah. Can I join too? I said let's. Timmy knows he went on like game day and he was spitting ball. He was spitting. Spitting ball is insane. I'm sorry, Mr. Chalamet.
Don't spit ball. We were talking shit about him at one point. I didn't talk shit.
I said his head was square. We did. Not squared. It was triangular.
We said his head looked like home plate.
Which it does, and that's good because he's got a good jaw.
A very good jaw. He's also apparently very talented. Apparently, bro. He's like the best actor from Generation L. I haven't seen much that he's been in. I haven't watched the Dune movies. Really? I did watch Wonka, and that was not for him. Fire. What do you mean? You liked Wonka? Yeah. Oh. The songs? The dude's a way better singer than I, I mean, I don't know. Listen, listen, listen.
Chalamet, come on the show. Let's just fucking, you can wear an oversized sweatshirt, have your mustache. Joey's doing the same thing. What's up? Let's have a beer. Let's talk some shit. Let's talk, Timmy. Hit him up. Bro, come on. You're right there. You might as well, bro. Where is he? Wait, where is he?
It sounds like a cool tattoo.
He lives in New York and L.A., I think.
Yeah. Like reinvent the body. You know, like there are certain things like we don't need like some of the stuff we got in there. Like it wasn't like a gallbladder, like pointless. Well, also what's piss. You know what I mean? That's water. Yeah, but how does it get there? Well, I think it has to go through our kidneys or pancreas or something.
Get him over here. Yeah, he's from here, bro. L.A., you had enough people over there. Come back over here.
He grew up fucking, what's it called?
Yeah, he grew up. He's from New York, baby. He went to fucking LaGuardia, bro. I fucking live by LaGuardia, cuz. Damn, yo, listen. Timmy Shouse. What are we calling him? The May? What the hell are you saying? Chalamet? Let's just call him by his name. Tim.
Timote. No, Tim. Let's just call him, or Big T. Timo Perez. He needs to get away from, damn. Tino Martinez. Absolutely. Now we're on, now. Oh, yeah. I'll call, yo, yo, Tino Martinez, Chalamet, you know. Wait, what the fuck? I just shushed you. I was confused if you were shushing me or trying to say Chalamet. I was ready to pounce on one of them.
He's also promoting his movie where he plays Bob Dylan.
That's the Rolling Stones. Sympathy for the devil. Bob Dylan is Hurricane, Isis, Sarah. Whoa, Isis. He's all over the place. He is all over. You know what you need to watch? I don't think you ever have watched it. You need to watch Walk Hard, the Dewey Cox story. Is that the Johnny Cash thing? It's a parody of all those music biopics. Yeah. It is so fucking funny. John C. Reilly?
John C. Reilly, Jenna Fisher, Tim Meadows. A bunch of people are in it. You need to... It is incredible. If you've ever seen those movies, any of those music biopics where it's just like... Oh, I discovered the sound and now I'm making it big and now I'm too big and I come crashing down. Bro, it does it so well. It is so fucking funny.
There's a bit in the movie where like he goes into the bathroom like the first time it happens and he like hits and like smashes the sink. And then like he does it like two or three other times in the movie. And then at the end when he has like his big fallout, he goes into the bathroom and there's like 30 sinks. And he's just like, ah! And he's crying and smashing all that. Oh, my God.
It's so good. I've done no justice by this movie.
You're not finding a single one you know, huh? Oh, he's still alive. Yeah.
And then Pretty Good. I know. And then What's His Name is filming a Bruce Springsteen biopic in Jersey right now.
Jeremy Allen White. He's Bruce? He's Bruce.
I don't know if I could see it. I'm going to see it. Two good Bruce songs. You're crazy. Two good. Which ones? Born in the USA. Yeah. Santa Claus is coming to town. If you were going to name that, I was going to fuck you up. The best Bruce songs, bar none. All these people are just like, oh, what about all these other ones? Nope. That's it. Let's see what else he's got. Dancing in the Dark.
Couldn't care for it. Born to run, I guess people really do. Born to run. Thunder Road. Yeah, no. Glory days, bro.
You know glory days. I know. Glory days is a banger. In my head, there are two sides. You know, there's Bruce and then there's Billy. And I was just always a Billy boy. Billy Joel? Hell yeah. Well, yeah. Sounds of like the working man in like a rural town. Yeah. They're cut from the same cloth.
Glory Days. No. His version of Santa Claus is Coming to Town is better than any other song he has done.
It fishes out the bad stuff, so we're pissing out the bad stuff.
He's going to bring you a new saxophone. You don't remember that? In the beginning of the song. He's like, that's not many. That's not many. You better watch out.
That was a good Santa. Damn, dude.
That's what he sounds like, bro. Good song.
All right. Well, there you go. We just played you guys off.
Are we done? Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, thank you, guys. Where are you going to go from there?
There's only one way to go.
I'm going to get fucked up. There are people in Jersey that ride or die for Bruce and the E Street Band. They love Bruce. Who do they call him? The grandpa? The grandfather? The godfather? Who do they call him? What's his nickname? The boss.
something like that the boss the grandfather the godfather the father what was the other one you said yeah it's the boss got it yeah not that good for me but go check out the episode on patreon.com slash the basement yard we thank you guys this is our last weekly episode that is coming out before the new year right it's been a hell of a 2024 it has been an insane ride from the very first episode where this year I believe is where when we talked about the you know our first shows that we were doing the live shows
Was it? I think that's when we had announced or talked about it initially. Oh, no. In December, they went on sale. So never mind. Made it up.
But it feels right. Well, whatever.
So 2024 was wild. I think we can both agree. We have the new studio coming up. We have a lot on the horizon. We're excited for it. So thank you guys. But we don't have his Bruce Springsteen. No, no, no, no. Apparently. Timothee Chalamet will be here. I hope so. Maybe even Bob Dylan. You know? Not a chance, Frankie. Dude, what would you do?
They fucked up by not. You couldn't. They fucked up by putting Timothee Chalamet and not me. Yeah.
wild, wild stuff. Well, thank you guys. And, uh, yeah, that is all. See you guys in the new year. No, next year. Oh my God. Sign this off.
These pieces. Persons.
I imagine there's like an old, you know, like, you know, because you obviously, you remember crossing guards. They're all old and white. I imagine there's like an old white crossing guard who's just like, hold on, hold on, piss that way, you know, and you...
chocolate over there yeah you know i should have paid more attention to osmosis jones that movie probably explains a lot of stuff oh i have for idiots like us i haven't watched careful with the idiots but i mean that's the only reason why i know what a uvula is puss uh oh no that's not that's the thing in the back of the throat yeah in the back of the throat yeah i haven't watched i'm sorry i thought you were saying no no uh urethra no you're thinking vulva
Oh, see, now we're getting into cars. Now we're getting into cars and shit. No, Volvo's now. Volvo, Volvo, yeah. You know, hey, whoever that car... Velma, you know what I mean? Oh, now we're getting... Underrated character in Scooby-Doo, by the way. I think appropriately rated. Nah.
Come on, dude. Better than Daphne. Come on, dude. Better than Daphne. You're crazy. I'm not. Listen, I think that there are audiences for both characters. Yeah. But if you're walking around and saying that Daphne had it going on more than Velma. No, no, no. Velma had it more. I'm sorry, you're right. If that's what you're saying, I think you're a little crazy. Listen, one for you, one for me.
Fair, fair. The bob cut lost me. You have to admit, the haircut kind of sucks. Hair can change. Hair can change. And I'll go one step further, should. Well, it's all about the vibes. But she was also kind of a dork, you know? Yeah, but then like, but like the dorks. I do like. Sometimes the dorks got. I do like dorks. You know what?
You kind of pulled me back here because Becca's a dork and I like dorks. Is she? The word dork. If you mix.
sang by andy williams not ben crosby he's a bad guy yeah well andy williams may have i'm sure all of them did some shit i'm sure they were all swinging you forgot swinging like oh you mean swinging yeah no not like swinging like yeah well they were probably doing that too i don't know oh swinging i thought you were meant dancing oh i thought you meant three definitions
The word dork sounds like when you throw something and it bounces. Like doink. Exactly. Doink is what I'm thinking. Yeah. This show is stupid.
Really? No, I love it.
No, the stomach isn't going anywhere.
It remains firmly intact. What's holding the stomach up? The intestines. It's just sitting... What's holding our intestines? Our fucking gooch? The organs are, like, connected to muscle. See, I can't even get that right. See, this... It's all hooks. This is a... It's all hooks and bags. That's all the human body is. Hooks, bags. That's it.
I don't understand how I can eat something and then lay down, and it doesn't just come up.
Because muscles, I think. Because they hold them in. I think. Well, I don't know about all that. I meant like that. Yeah. I don't know if they're holding them in, you know?
You were jerking off your stomach. I was not. You spit on your hands and did that. I didn't. Dry. Dry, baby. There's no spit on this. I don't need dry. Come on now. See, now you're getting out of control. All right.
uh back to you looking like a bar of soap right so if a soap was this color i'd love it there there are soaps that color fucking free plug for them dr squash has some soaps that color you love that i do kind of like it yeah you know if they want to tell me something you know soap is a big one for me i love it where do you how do you stand like what's your soap like walk me through your soap routine
And I'm not saying like.
Like how many soaps do you use during a regular shower? Oh. What is the method in which you use them? Is there an order? Because I have an order and a method.
No, I think you're probably. How many times do you wash your hair? Hardly. That's good. You should allow your hair to build up its natural oil.
oh so then you got fucked up head that you got a fucked up head you need to use some head and shoulders or something baby knees and toes well no no the knees and toes you can you know you use those enough when you're on all four of them yeah i think you pig uh okay now you're way too excited that was insane
How do you know what big vibrations sound like, huh? Frank.
Yeah, I don't know. No. I would, though. With jeans on. Crazy, dude. Absolutely.
You wouldn't just hop on to see what's going on? No. Why? You too manly? I'm too afraid. Toxic masculinity. I'm too afraid.
My masculinity is fucking Grimer, muck, coughing. Very toxic, Joey. Oh, okay. I was like, where are you going with that? That was crazy. You're a dork. Doink. Dork and pig in one episode. In a matter of like five minutes. Listen, I didn't say pig. You just said pig. What did I say? You called me a pig. For what? Something. I don't think I called you a pig. I think I just said pig like pig.
Ah, Josh, run the tape back.
You wouldn't get on our Sibian though? Because you think it's what? You think it's gay? I mean, I guess I would, but I have no desire to find out if I like getting my ass fucking tickled. I just peer pressured you.
I get on it, though. Really? I don't even know what it looks like. By the way, you also, you said jeans, which is wild. Well, I'm not going to, like, fucking sit on it raw. I'm not. There's so many things in between raw and jeans, Joey. I just feel like jeans would have a good barrier between me and the Sib. Yeah.
I thought you meant like fucking each other's friends and shit like that. Oh, well, probs.
Yeah, but then if it would rub on you, it would be like fucking starting a fire with some kindling. That is true. You have very dry pubes. You've often spoke about that. I don't know if I've ever said that out loud, but I feel like you're right. So it might start a fire. Very dry pubes. So wait, so what is your... You know, pubes would just go up in flames.
i saw a video recently of a christmas tree going up and i was like damn that's quick and i imagine pubes is like you know what go home do an experiment put some of your like beard hair on the uh you know light that up and put some pubes put some head hair see what happens yeah stinky hair stinks it does stinky when it's burned yeah whoa speaking of hair
My co-host is over here. It's about to suck his pinky. Lizzie, what are you doing over there? Oh, careful. You decided to dress like a fucking Christmas tree today?
Hold on, hold on. Let's do some simple math here. Sure. 345 hot dogs. What's 2% of that? What's 2% of that? Just a few dogs. It's just like- Seven? Well, let's think. Eight? A third, half of that is what? Well, 2% of 100 is two. So you have six right there. So let's say seven and change.
It's like eight, yeah.
Maybe six and change. So let's say seven. I'll give you nine. It doesn't matter. I'm going to say this. If 2% of all of the hot dogs I've eaten in a season- happens to have a little bit of human DNA in it. Yeah. I consider that a job well done.
This finger's going down my throat, let me tell you. Didn't... Jesus. But yeah, I'm eating parts of me. Probably. I don't...
Cigarettes, whiskey during the day, having sex with the secretary. I'll be honest with you. The drinking during the day, whiskey during the, when light is out is kind of wild. Really? Yeah, that's crazy. I don't hate it. I don't hate it. I hate it. Really? I don't think I've ever had whiskey when the sun was up.
If it came down to a drastic, heartbreaking situation like thatβ Where we had to eat each other? And we had to eat each other, and we cooked each other, and it just tasted like hot dogsβ Honestly, happy accident. Let me tell you.
I don't think humans... Frank, if you cut a piece out of my leg, it's going to grow back in some capacity. We're not lizards, Joey. I don't think... If I cut off your toe, your toe doesn't come back. No, no, no.
Take a little chunk out of my leg. I think... Joey, I think... I can't make more tissue? I don't know if your body's going to... Think about cuts.
cuts is different healing your skin it fucking seals it back up yeah yeah which is crazy when you think about that the fact that you get a cut and it just closes and goes away i've gotten cuts so thin that i just like i remember once i cut this part of my hand here uh with a box cutter and it was so like i just held it like that to like go get a band-aid and then when by the time i got to where i was going it had already sealed but like it still hurt you know what i mean yeah it's just
But I... First of all, what kind of human DNA are we talking? Because... That's what I'm saying. It could have been hair, which I'll eat a hairball.
I've eaten hair at restaurants, probably. Hair.
Spit. Piss. Piss. Well, who's pissing into the hot dog tank? I'm saying people that are fucking turkeys, Joey. I don't know. Who's fucking turkeys?
Butterball. Allegedly, there was a PETA had done an investigation, and they found people were, like, having sex with their turkeys, which... They get some pretty juicy turkeys. Like a live turkey or like the turkey, like a Thanksgiving turkey? I don't know. I'm not quite sure. Which is worse? The alive turkey. You sure about that? Yes, I am. I am very positive. Okay.
But of the several ways that I know that human DNA can transfer into something, piss, spit. Hair. Hair. Skin.
Welcome back to the baby. Welcome back to the basement yard. That's an old school sweater you got on. It is. We're sweater boys today. Look at us freezing. It is really cold. What is going... I don't... Not a big fan of this wind. Sends a chill down my spine. Listen, you've lived your whole life in New York City.
And I, you know, I don't want anyone in the comments, like trying to like defend or be like, yo, it wasn't even that bad or whatever. Fuck. Like, bro, that's not what we're trying to do. Like at the end of the day, if someone's really upset by something that we said about them. like we're fucking, we're sorry. And like, it's idiotic. We don't have to do that.
Like we try to avoid that at all costs. And like, that was just a dumb thing. And you know, I'm, I'm not like, I think that we would never do that, especially now, like with the, you know, growth over the last, however long, like do feel a very big sense of responsibility to make sure people know that like, we, we aren't trying to be bad dudes.
Like, it wasn't like a... And then gone. It was a... And then I watched it go. And it was very... Where was this, Connecticut? It was because it was cold? Yes. I think that has something to do with like humidity or something. Probably has something to do with the density of the air. Barometers, things like that. Who? Barometers? Wait, what is a barometer? That's pressure, isn't it? I don't know.
We realize there's a lot of people out there that just,
want to be offensive and want to hurt people's feelings and it's like well whatever sometimes you have to ruffle like we're not trying to do that we're just trying to make people laugh and just be silly and shit and we feel really bad and like that's it i just yeah we're super sorry and like if there's anything we do and i wrote that in the message to them about like we're gonna apologize i took the things down so that you don't have to like deal with people listening to that or whatever but
Whatever you want us to do, I will do for the most part. Like, just let us know if you need anything else. Like, we're sorry. And yeah. Yeah, that's it. Perfectly well said. Did you bite your lip, by the way, over there? No, I didn't. I didn't bite my lip. I got into a bar brawl. I was out, and someone bumped into Becca, and I said, like, hey, get out of here. You picked your lip.
No, I didn't pick my lip. It was a very serious thing that happened to my lip, to my mouth. What happened to you? All right, I got headbutt by Ruby. But it like your daughter had, but yeah, I mean, go like this. I mean, you didn't have to do that. Yeah. It actually looks not too bad, but I noticed you like doing that. Well, that's why. Well, what you're doing, you're chewing on your lip.
I'm not chewing on my lip. You remember, I remember hearing about like, I knew kids in like middle school or like high school, like growing up, that'd be like, they would chew on the side of their mouth.
maybe like like that that i've done that that seems miserable you're not actually chewing you're kind of gnawing what's the difference between a chew and a gnaw chewing is like you're trying to bite through gnawing is kind of like you're just like i would say the opposite i say chewing is just like kind of just like you ever play with a dog and it's like i've played with several dogs
Like they bite your hands, but they're not biting your hands. You know what I mean? But that's a little, that's a little like, a little like. Teething? La la la. You know, like it's a little like, I'm just going to give you a little love bite. So then what is gnawing? I think gnawing has like a, like a, it feels powerful and emotional. No, like mice gnaw.
But mice gnaw because they're pathetic little losers. I'm saying like, if we're looking at like. When you gnaw on something, it's because you're hungry. Like, oh my God, I was so hungry. I gnawed on that hot dog. Like the minute I got that popsicle, I gnawed on it. I don't think anyone says it like that. I think so. Chewing is a scientific thing. We have to chew in order to swallow.
Gnawing, like there's some power and emotion behind it. No, I think gnawing is like a dull, like... Gnaw, gnaw, gnaw? Do we Google this and find it out, or... Especially because I know how to spell it. Like, put it like this. Like a herbivore would chew. Raticate would gnaw. I gotta be honest with you. Okay, it's... Raticate, right? No, the answer, the definition is not a Pokemon, Frank.
No, gnaw is, by the way, I had no idea that gnawing had a... It's G. No, no, no, I knew that. I'm saying, like, I didn't know it had a different definition. It also means persistently worrying. Oh, like I'm gnawing over you? Yeah. Oh, the gnawing pain in your stomach. It's like, never heard of that. No, that was the example they gave. I love how you gave that like, I know that one.
Like, oh yeah, of course. Like the gnawing pain. You've never heard that? No, no, no. I've heard of gnawing pain before. I've never heard of gnawing pain. But it says to nibble, to nibble persistently. So a bunch of little nibbles. Oh, so it is. So you're right. Yeah, it's like a mouse. Like a mouse. So then ragtata. I don't know why everything has to be Pokemon.
Because everything has to be Pokemon. By the way, downloaded a Yu-Gi-Oh game on my phone. It has been on. I've been sending motherfuckers to the shadow realm. Wait, you downloaded a Yu-Gi-Oh game? Yeah. Like you paid? No. No, I didn't let it in. You bought a blue eyes white dragon? It's a free game. No, when you start the game, they're like, you get to pick from three decks.
I saw like, oh, it was like balance deck, defense deck, dragon deck. I took that dragon deck so fucking quick. Defense deck. Who the hell? Who's that? You know, but boy, oh boy, that dragon deck. Did it have a blue eyes white dragon? Oh, did it? Absolutely. It had a blue eyes white dragon in there. And I throw that son of a bitch down and I started watching the show again. What? I don't know.
I mean, yeah, pressure, density of the air, pressure has something to do with wind, so I guess we're kind of on to something. Yeah. You know what I thought about the other day? It was like super windy, and I was like, where does wind... What is wind? Wind... Do you know? I think so. So I know. Well, I don't know if I can explain it. I think it's like differencing changes in pressure.
There we go. Yeah, that's what it was. First episode, my guy pulls out Exodia. Stop. Yeah, dude, against fucking Kaiba. I don't remember who that is. Kaiba. Who's the guy with the cool hat that has like, it's like pink and white. It's like triangular. Oh, Pegasus. He's the bad guy. The guy with the eye. No. Who's the main guy? Yugi. Oh, so that's what I'm thinking. Yugi.
Wait, the main character in Yu-Gi-Oh, his name is Yugi. Yeah. So what's Yu-Gi-Oh? I mean, when someone, he's in trouble. Yu-Gi-Oh. Yeah. Okay. I don't, uh, So the cards are called Yu-Gi-Oh, like the card game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's Yu-Gi. Yeah. It's not that hard to understand, Joey. I mean, it doesn't make sense. My guy Kaiba pulls out three blue eyes. That would be like Ash being Pokey.
Okay, so? But Pokey stands for Pocket Monsters.
Yeah, I didn't get that. You didn't know that? No. You didn't know Pokemon was short for pocket monsters? No. Where have you been for the last 25 years? It's not in the song. Why would I know that? Yes, it is, Joey. I want to be the very best like no one ever was. Why don't you just get to the part that says Pokemonsters?
you don't it's hard like you you can't you you're gonna tell me you could start a song in the middle and know it i mean what is it so what is the lyric the lyric is um to get these uh to get these pocket monsters within my grasp uh is that true to get these pocket monsters within my grasp in the ball that i will clasp pokemon frank you made that i did oh you I had you. You did.
They don't say Poke- To get these pocket monsters within my grasp with this ball that I clasp. Pokemon. Honestly, that kind of fits in really well. Yeah. You don't think so? No. Why not? I mean, I don't know. We have proven I'm a lyrical genius before. And this is just another- Proven is a little- Another notch in the belt, so to say. I do wish, like, Pokemon was- I guess Pokemon is just hunting.
It's way not hunting. It's less violent. Yeah, and you can't use your hunted animals to battle other hunted animals. What the hell? I don't know. Imagine it was real, though, like you threw a ball. I've thought about it so often, Joey. So often. Did you ever have a fake Pokeball and just throw it at everything? There was... So, you know, at the lake house where... My dock is.
There's that big rock next to my dock. In the water? Yeah. Yeah. There used to be a... Well, I think there is now, but before there was its current incarnation, there was a post that stuck out of the rock. Someone had put it there in order for passerbys to not drive up over it because it's a huge rock. Okay.
And I would go up, and when I was playing by myself as a kid, I'd go up there, and I'd go like, and I released the Pokemon into the wild. Yeah. I don't understand what that means though. I release Pokemon into the wild and then I would go and I would like... Why this? Why that? Just to like get them out because there's so much energy. Right, but where are you releasing them from? The post.
Yeah, it is that. Yeah, it's like changes in pressure. That's why when you walk in Manhattan, if you walk around a big building, you'll get hit with a crosswind on an avenue really hard because the pressure is so intense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the air pressure. My guess was like, This is going to sound a little nuts. Oh, yeah. Here we go. Gravity? That was my guess. And here's my thinking.
Oh, they were in the post. They were stuck in the ground. Oh. So the post was just like a... Got it. You know? Okay. And then I'd be like, oh my God, look up. There's Pharaoh and Pidgeot. I hated Pharaoh. Everyone hated Pharaoh, dude. No one liked Pharaoh. Pidgeotto? My guy. You know what was a good bird? My birds? Marty and Molly? No, fuck those birds. Skarmory.
It was like a metal-looking pharaoh. That's not an original. It's a second generation. You're missing out. There were some really cool Pokemon past your generation. Who was like the big one of the second gen? Lugia and Ho-Oh. And then there were the legendary dogs. Raikou, Entei, and Suicune. Sweet? Suicune. Suicune had a little... Yeah? Yeah. You know what I'm talking about.
You had a crush on her, him? Them. It was a, what was it? A dog? It was a dog, a legendary dog. Well, I did like Nine Tails and Arcanine. Crazy. Nine Tails. I mean, Vulpix was cute too, but Nine Tails definitely had it going on. Yeah, it did. You know? Eevee. You know I'm an Eevee guy. I know.
And then you went from Eevee to, I know you like Jolteon, but I could see you being a little whore for Flareon. You know what I'm saying? By the way, I mean, we're not gonna spend too much time on Pokemon, but like, to start, who are you taking? That's a very easy one. Which one? Charmander. Thank you. Yeah. Duh. Duh, duh, duh. Anyone you meet who's like Bulbasaur, I'd be like, all right, bro.
Bulbasaur is my least favorite of the three, I think, but it's Charmander by far. Wait. Do you have Pikachu as well? So in the original versions of the game, red and the Japanese version was green, but then there was blue in the U.S. Remember, it was a red and blue version. Yeah. It was just those three starters. And then remember your rival, which I always named Gary.
You probably named him something cool like Ass or Rocket. Ass. Ass. They would pick the one that was always in opposition. So if you took Charmander, they took Squirtle. Oh, that's what you mean. I would always make their name a curse word, by the way. Balls. Yeah, like penis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Penis picks Bulbasaur. Oh, no, you've beat penis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But then they released Pokemon Yellow version. Which you start the game and you can't take any of them, but you're just gifted a Pikachu. And the Pikachu walks around with you. I had that one. And then you can get, through trading, you can get Charmander, Squirtle, and Bulbasaur elsewhere. Got it. But you know what game... Where's your Nintendo Switch? In a closet? You fuck. Yeah.
How often do you play Nintendo Switch? Answer me. Okay. I mean, I go between the three consoles, but there's a Pokemon game on there, Hey You Pikachu or Hey You Eevee, and it's fucking bananas. I'm talking like you can go through the Viridian Forest riding a Charizard. Yeah. That sounds cool. Yeah. I remember, you know what's funny? The game Pokemon Snap, stupid idea for a game, but so good.
Like, you're just going to take pictures of Pokemon. Yo, I loved that first game, and then they came out with another one a couple years ago. Great game. Like, a lot of fun. And you still just take photos of Pokemon. Yeah. Yeah. There's nothing else you do. No. I mean, they added a story to it.
They need 10 pictures of Pokemon eating in order to research how they eat, and you get this special flute. And it's like, why? It's cool, though. It's cool to see Pokemon. I agree. You're bugging out if you don't like it. No, I did like it. You better. I would go up the block to this kid's house, and he had it on N64, which I never had. Who? Danny. Hmm. Do you know who I'm talking about?
I know exactly what Danny you're fucking talking about, bitch. Yeah, your sister's friend. Weren't they friends? I mean, they hung out with the same crowd sometimes. But yeah, that's what I did. Man, that first, when you were playing the game, the volcano level, and you could find, you know, like you would hit the Charmeleon into the volcano, and then he came out as a Charizard. Fucked your butt.
But the wind isn't. I know. Because I was thinking about the ocean. So I'm like, because the moon's gravity is moving the ocean, that maybe the earth and moon's gravity is creating wind? I don't know. Maybe that's not wrong though. Cause maybe that has something to do with the pressure. Well, gravity is pressure.
And then when you broke open the egg and Moltres was there... What about Zapdos, dude? That's my favorite Pokemon. I haven't played that game that much. I just played it when I was at his house sometimes. You know what? The Nintendo Switch 2 actually was just announced. You need to get back into video games, but not like... cool shoot-em-up video games, or like Madden.
You need to get into video games that are going to make you feel a sense of home and love. And that's a lot of video games you missed out on as a kid because you didn't have a Nintendo 64. You didn't have a GameCube. You didn't have a Super Nintendo. There are so many video games, Joey, that you just have never played.
Besides Mario Kart and Mario Party and Super Smash Brothers, have you ever played a Mario game? No. Bingo. So you need me to get a game that makes me feel like at home and nostalgic and like as I was a kid. Yes. Or I can continue going to therapy. And we do have sponsors for today as well. It was good. Um, okay. Uh, we, this, this podcast is sponsored by better help.
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Um, but yeah, so it's an easy switch at no cost and, uh, you can save some money. You can go to betterhelp.com slash basement yard today to get 10% off of your first month. Okay. So that is better help spelled B E T T E R H E L P.com slash basement yard to get 10% off of your first month. So go enjoy that. We also have Stitch Fix.
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No, I think because like the pressure, like, like, like the stuff off of water, like, you know, like aura off of the water. I don't know what you're, I don't know what you're saying. It's a little tough. The aura of the water. I think that because like, there's different air, like temperatures that come off of the water and then different air temperatures above and they mix and they're like, yes.
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very much so appreciated we are we are trying to give you guys what you love which is more of us and crazier things and bing bang boom so patreon.com slash basement yard we love you we thank you and we'll see you over there we'll see you over there uh but what was that i i want to just go back to the forget about your comment about me needing therapy
You feel no, like there's no part of you that wants. Therapy, Pokemon Snap. I mean, but like be honest with yourself for a second. When I think of Pokemon Snap, here's what I think about. Being in that kid's room and he had a giant lifelike doll that was dressed as Sting and I would do wrestling moves to it. So that was cool.
So maybe I didn't play a lot of Pokemon Snap because he would play Pokemon Snap and I'd be wrestling this thing. Gotcha. Okay. But hear me out. Yeah. If you had the opportunity right now to put something on and go out there and find and catch a Zapdos, you're not all about it. Do I have a Master Ball? Of course you have a Master Ball. Ultra Ball.
But you don't want to use a Master Ball on a Zapdos. You want to keep that for Mewtwo, which you can only get in the endgame after you beat the Elite Four and your rival, who you aptly name probably Penis. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Ass. That was so funny because that was definitely one of them. Well, I rememberβ It's like, ooh, ass.
So it's weird that this came up because we were just talking about this, but there was a guy that we knew at our after-school program that was a firefighter and lost his life on 9-11. I'm not going to say his name. You know who I'm talking about, though. He played Pokemon, and he showed me his lineup, and all of his Pokemon were named after wrestlers. So, like, his Squirtle was named Road Dogg.
And, like, his Pikachu was Mr. Ass. So, like... People did that. Yeah. You know, Mr. Ash shocked you. Yeah, exactly. But, um, dude, just, just, just why not? What do you have to lose? No, I mean, I, I mean, I just don't know when I'm going to be compelled to play Pokemon. I will sit you down. I will give you your favorite drinks and your favorite snacks. Frank, I'm not your daughter's. I know.
As someone that has spent a significant amount of time outside of New York State and New York City. Frank, we get the same weather basically. No, I will say with confidence, one of the first things I remember about living in Connecticut when... Oh, Connecticut. College. I was thinking Jersey. I'm like, you're right here. No, no, no. But even Jersey, we don't get nearly as much wind.
You're like, oh, I'll give you this in a little plastic cup. Here you go. You got your pretzel rods. It's nice to treat you like my child sometimes because there are parts of life that you don't realize are beautiful and fun and happy. And how much do you, how much? Shut up, shut up, shut up. How much? I'm going on a tangent here. How much do you want me to experience love and happiness and joy?
Does that make sense? I don't know. I don't know if it makes sense. It is kind of cool to imagine that it's just like the wind is just like, you know. What does that mean? I hate wind. I tweeted this the other day and a lot of people agreed that it's like the worst weather. It is the worst weather. Wind. I would rather rain. Oh, I love rain. But like rain with wind is maybe worse.
On your time, with you. Yeah, but also I'm saying like, even if we are not able to do it together, you want me to experience life and happiness and joy, right? I want you. And it's just my way of doing that for you is to give you a box of hot tamales and let you go and catch some Nidorans. That was some wild gaslighting that you did right now. And I'm actually impressed by that.
And I'm glad that everyone saw that. But it's like, you want me to be happy, right? So do the thing that I want. I want is going to make me happy. You want that because you're a good person. Well, you are a good person. And you want me to. And I want you to go find. What was the Pokemon you just said? Nidoran. The worst. Not worse than... What's the one that hardens? Metapod? Or Kakuna?
I liked Kakuna, actually. Because it went to Beedrill. No, because it looked like a ninja, kind of. It did. It had ninja-like eyes, kind of. Anyway, can we stop talking about Pokemon? No. We're going to talk to something that's similar, but not... Apparently on January 25th, all of the planets in the solar system will align to make a cool view of the sky. So that was the headline that we saw.
Here's one thing that I do want to say. Before I begin, I don't know if this is something that happens all the time. it feels like it doesn't it feels like it shouldn't it feels like it shouldn't yeah so that's my point if they're going to align then what do the volcanoes erupt you know what i'm saying i i think gravity reverses first of all i've been watching a lot of hercules lately So I know.
What was that look? Is that a TV show? You've seen Hercules, brother. The movie? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Who puts the glad in gladiator? Yeah. Hercules, you know? Yes. I can go the distance? What? Get to your point. No. I mean, there's so many others. I've seen the movie. I said yes. Okay, but there are good songs in there. Yeah. You know? Stop naming songs. Okay. All right.
What's the one that Danny DeVito sings? So you want to be a something kid. Whoop-dee-doo. All right. I got to keep going. Right. But I'm pretty sure that's when the Hades opens up or the underworld. And then the Titans come out, right? I don't know. I don't know that it's a good thing if the planets are aligning. You know what I mean? Are you more excited to see one planet or like what?
I don't think we're going to see any, bro. No, I think you could definitely see planets, bro. Look at my eyes. Neil deGrasse Tyson always comes out and he goes, look to the Western sky. And upon three clicks from, you know, pure midnight, which are all words we didn't know existed, you will see...
mercury you know like he says like that yeah but unless i have like an actual telescope we have a telescope you can get one they're not that expensive yeah but you would need like a sick one i'm not gonna go to like party city and get a like
ahoy matey telescope no we have like one on a tripod that has like a big fat butt oh like look through it and stuff like that damn you have a thermometer thermometer you have a telescope like that yeah yeah yeah yeah expensive uh we got it for miles one year for birth birthday yeah uh but It wasn't, like, too expensive. You can get, like, insane ones.
Yeah, dude. Yes, yes, they are correct. It's so... It fucks me up. It fucks me up. Do you understand that? Because by the time... Oh yeah. Yeah. Like, like, so say, all right. All right. All right. So say we look up into the sky and we see a star right here. Yeah. That star has been there. That star was there a long time ago because the amount of time it takes for the light to reach us. Right.
Sideways rain stinks. Super. It stinks on ice. It stinks on ice. It really does. Unless it's hot. Hot rain? Summer rain is... Summer rain's great. Summer rain is... Rain showers. Those are just... Those are just rain. Oh, yeah. No, I meant sun showers. Sun showers are cool. Yeah.
It's now over here. Right. Yeah. You know, and it's just bananas. But if I'm looking at it, telescope telescope, you're seeing the light. That's what you're seeing. Telescopes, you know, we see into the future. No. Like that's a raven? You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. When you gaze into the future, future. I knew you were going to start singing that song. Life is a breeze.
Travel from a distance, yeah. Go, Ray. Well, it's not something the same. Remember that? I do. Yeah. Yeah, no, it freaks me out. But they're supposed to align. This is dangerous. Bro, I'm shocked my father hasn't texted me about this. Oh. Being like, yo, stay inside. Stay inside. Don't look up. Yeah. You know. Don't look up. Don't look up. Bro, did you watch that movie, Don't Look Up?
I watched some of it, and I didn't like it. I turned it off. You got scared? A little bit. You would. That's such a prank. You'd be like, I don't know. It's just like boring. It's just not acted well. I want to turn off. It's not acted well. It's not acted well. Yeah, no. It's like definitely freaky and makes you think. And it's like, yo, if this were to happen, what the fuck can we possibly do?
Nothing. Nothing. We can just hold our loved ones. Hold our loved ones, which is, yeah, that ends up happening.
spoiler um but i'm surprised my dad didn't hit me up about this and like because he he loves end of the world shit he like he has a top five list of ways to go tsunami i think is like one that's one of the worst ways i would imagine he oh no sorry not uh no no tsunami tsunami is number one like deep impact you remember that movie yeah wave comes and just kills that couple who's just like hugging on the beach he's like oh
He wants to be just standing there. Oh, I think he just wants someone to hug. I don't think he cares about the wave. He's inviting death. He has been on record saying that he wants to be on the beach doing this. Do you know? I mean, you probably know this because you were in my house growing up. Whenever it was a thunderstorm, he would stand at the back window and watch thunder. I do that too.
I can't lie. And then thunder happens and he goes, oh. Yeah, dude. There's something. He loves lightning. I love. First of all, he's looking at lightning, not thunder. Thunder is, you know. It's the sound. It's the sound or the gyration of this over here. You know, these hips. Of the thighs, yeah. Of my thunder.
No, it's like a, I don't know if it's like a dad thing or what, but like anytime it storms like bad, me, Becca and the kids sit in front of the window and we watch the lightning because it's so cool to see because you're just looking and then you just see like, you know, like the lightning just like kind of crack up. I do like that, you know?
And then I'm the one that's just like, all right, start counting. One Mississippi, two Mississippi. It's four miles away. That's funny. Is that true, though? I don't know. But I will say this. Have you ever, like, has lightning struck where you are, like, within, like, close proximity? Um, yeah, I think so. Yo, I have never felt something like that in my entire life. You've been lightninged?
But, like, not as cool as just, like, a... Just, like, it gets, like, really dark out, and you're like, what the... It's 1 p.m. You like that? Yeah, I think it's so cool. And then it just, like... One of the, like... I have a memory so vivid because it became yellow outside. What are you talking about? It was the day that I went to go see X-Men, the last stand. So I believe it was like 2006.
I've not been lightninged, but I've been in the house in Astoria and lightning hit in the alleyway. Oh, I remember. Wait, when was that? There was one time. Oh no, it was recent. It was when my last apartment in Astoria, there was a day it woke me up out of sleep. And it was so loud. And then I was like, yo, what was that? And everyone like everywhere was talking about that.
And it ended up being this thing where I think it was like low cloud cover. And then with certain whatever, it just like trapped the sound of the thunder in a specific area. And it was so loud, dude. I thought my building was going down. You felt in your jellies, didn't you? Dude, it was, it scared the shit out of me. I didn't even think it was lightning. It woke you up? Legitimately. Yeah.
Like it was like bang. And I was like, oh my God, what was that? Like I was so confused. Oh, that sounds fun. That sounds really fun. Yo, it was so scary. There's nothing wrong with that. It's, I mean, if the planets align, that shit might happen. They might throw a hyper beam from the moon. I think you can only see it in India. Really? Yeah. Oh, man.
It says a celestial, which I love that word, spectacle awaits sky watchers in India on January 25th. Wait, why is that the case? I guess because of where they'll be and the time of the day. Oh, man. Yeah, they have all this. I wanted to go to India for several reasons. That's, I guess, another one, but not now. It's not going to happen for another one. When's this going to happen again?
I don't know. When do the planets line up? It says it's a rare celestial event. I love when people do that where they're just like, this is the last blood moon in 700 years. And it's like, we just had one last week. Also, what is a blood moon? Is it just when it turns orange? Maybe. I think it has something to do with when it happens. They gave names to moons based off of plants. What?
Uh-oh, here we go. Shut the fuck up. Wait, planets align January 25th. I just want to make sure that we're... Bro, how often do these planets align? The ones that are aligning on the 25th from India, how often do they align? I mean, you think about they all have different rotations around the sun. So... You're pissing me off. I mean, I'm using logic. This is the one time.
You're not going to get it. But the one time, Joey, that I try to use logic to come to an answer. Instead of sitting there, and by the way, I don't think I didn't see your tweet, bitch. I don't think I didn't see your tweet, bitch. You know how people get followers and now everyone knows their opinions. Is that about me, bitch? Frank, you ever hear that song, You're So Vain?
You probably think this tweet is about you. It's not about you, you dumbass. Oh. God, he got me good folks. Um, all right. Let's say once every hundred years, I'm confused by this. Oh no, no, no. Wait, how many planets are there? Eight because they don't, they don't acknowledge Pluto anymore. My very educated mother just served us nine pickles. No, but they don't acknowledge Pluto anymore.
So there's eight? Just nine. So a celestial spectacle awaits sky watchers in India on January 25th, as seven planets, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, Uranus, and Mercury align in a breathtaking arc.
Mercury, I guess, and Earth are not involved in that? What the hell? They're leaving us out? But then that would be nine. No, it would be eight, brother. But they're saying as seven planets, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, oh, Mercury. Oh. So everyone's included but us. What the fuck? We're not included in this? All right. That's fucked up. All right. Bet. Why would we not be? Galactic Council. No problem.
That's fucked. But I Googled it. I was like, what are the frequency? I didn't write this. The frequency of planetary alignments depend on how many planets are involved and how closely they're aligned. One every hundred years. So it's confusing because it says six or more planets, six or more planets align within a small area of the sky about every a hundred years, which is what you said.
And I remember I was at the movie theater in Astoria and I went outside and the weather was so bad that it looked yellow outside and it rained so hard, but then it'd be like instantly stopped. And then you just get like stinky asphalt.
Oh, look at that. Whoa. Wow. I use logic and I get the answer. But then it says all seven planets, all seven planets align once in about 22 billion years. I mean, that's why it's not happening right now, man. What? Our planet isn't aligning with us right now. It says all seven. Why does it say all seven align once? But, like, this says seven. I guess because you can't see Mercury aligning two.
Because we're looking that way? We're looking that way. Mercury is over there, like, what's up? And then the others are over there. Wait, what's the first planet? Mercury. Yeah. Yeah, close to the sun. But that's included in this. And then it's Venus. No. We're the third rock from the sun, baby. So Mercury and Venus and all the other planets except us. Venus is included too? Yes. What the fuck?
Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, Uranus, and Mercury. Just not us. By the way, I heard one time on like one of those sci-fi shows where they do like interviews with like scientists who would tell you like we're going to be dead in a year or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he pronounced it Uranus. That's how it is pronounced. It's not Uranus. It's Uranus. Really?
Because it's based off of like I think it's like the Roman god. All the planets are named after gods. Mars is the God of war. Venus is the kind of war for real. Yeah. Yeah. Neptune was the God of the sea. Yeah. I remember that one. Um, I guess not earth. We're just like, we're just our own thing. Yeah. Uh, Venus is the God of love. I don't know.
Saturn is the god of... I think Uranus is like the god of gods or something like that. Or Janus, which is Jupiter. Saturn is the Roman god of agriculture, harvest, abundance, and time. Jupiter, no. Uranus is the god of sky and heavens. Yeah, crazy. And then who's the other one you said? Venus. Venus is like beauty. Love, beauty. Love, beauty, fertility, sex, prosperity, victory.
There's something there is that planet got something going on there. Yeah, there's probably like crazy stuff going on I mean, there's nothing going on because of we don't know that we can with confidence probably say it's not with confidence probably But we don't know maybe the aliens have like a thing that they're doing over there I mean, they're very close to the Sun.
I know they're like really close. I Did you ask me this? What movie you would rather? Oh, yeah, you did. It was like Harry Potter or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But thinking about being in a Star Wars movie and being able to travel to other planets, how many years of intergalactic travel would have to exist before you're like, all right, fine, I'll do it? What do you mean?
Oh, like it's been well established for this many years. So like, you know, the way that flying is right now where it's like, you're not like the plane's not going down. I'll do you one better. If I was 85. Yeah. And intergalactic travel has been out for a while.
you know what i'm talking about yeah yeah i like that smell i love like rainy concrete rainy concrete i like that smell a lot yeah because it's still like hot when i was younger i used to be like oh wait like i thought it was like a fox like i could smell rain coming but it's like well no you can't you can definitely smell rain what isn't that the smell of the asphalt no the the that's like a thing that like cowboys used to do cowboys can smell rain coming
and i'm not doing so hot okay you're gonna do it it looks like i'm not gonna make it another year or two and they're like yo we have the cure for it you'll live another 20 years but it's on mars i'd be like all right might as well might as well it'll take us you know at that time maybe it'll it'll take us like two years to get there instead of five you know wait does it only take five years to get there to mars i believe it does you didn't see the martian dude
i did but i was like in and out how long does it take to get to mars seven or eight months all right the movie the movie was wrong then not me forgive me for putting my faith in a movie right yeah Movies are your Bible. All right. I want to expand on that, but we have some sponsors. Okay. We do have Harry's Razors, okay? Even if you got a face for podcasts, hello.
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Oh, I thought that smell was just straight up like wet concrete. No, no, no. There's like a smell to the humidity in the air. What could you possibly be Googling right now? Can you smell rain? You just said that you knew and now you're looking it up? I am looking up like what the actual thing is. Yes, you could smell rain and it's called petrichor.
thinking about the space travel um let's say today they like send people to any of the planets and it's it takes four days to get there and four days to get back let's just say that right and uh you can go to any planet maybe add a little add a day if it's past jupiter or something all right um But they start doing it today. No problems. When? Like when? Like people start living there.
You know what I mean? And like, is there a point in like 10 years where you're like, I'm going to go visit Neptune? No. My cousin lives there. No. No? No. Because you don't want to get in a rocket? Yeah. Yeah. Bro, I get freaked out getting on planes. I can imagine looking out the window. Bro, you look out the window. Like, I get in a plane, and, like, I'm like, you know the mentality.
We've spoken openly about the mentality I have to put myself in. You know, but there's even, and I know this is stupid, so please don't dog pile on top of me. Okay. But, like, even in a plane, I have a thought of, like, but you know what? I can land on Earth and, like, by some miracle, make it. If a plane were to... I know it's stupid. I know it's stupid. No, no, no.
I'm asking because I don't really know what you're saying. You're saying like if the plane was going down, you'd jump out? I don't know what I would do, but there is in my toxic head. You're like, I'll figure out. I will figure out a way to live. Okay. You know, whether it's like, oh, I land and I just like jump and aim and I hit a pool or something. Right. Jesus.
But like there is a part of me that has convinced myself that that is. You could do it. With space. Yeah. There is nothing, dude. Yeah. Nothing. Because here's the thing. Something goes wrong up there. Right. Don, dude, like, there's no... You can't pull over. You can't pull over.
You can't, like, I'll just put a backpack on with a parachute and go back to Earth because... Well, everyone would need helmets. What are the helmets going to do? They'll just turn your... It'll be a layer of charred plastic over your head. No, we'd all have to wear spacesuits. Joey, I don't care what we're wearing. We could be wearing solid gold diapers. It's not going to make me want to go. No.
As I am a terrestrial being, and for the rest of my foreseeable life, I will live the rest of my life being here on this planet. If they start putting people on Mars, good. Let my ancestors...
deal with that what if you know how they did that space thing which i don't even i don't even know if that was real or not but like you can get in like a spaceship kind of and like you see outer space but you just come right back no no but what if it's been going on for like 10 years and there's never been an issue what do you get out of asking me these questions you know i don't like it i know all right all right joe all right joe yeah if they have perfected
It's an earthly smell that caused by a combination of water, ozone, geosmin, and plant oils. Oh, so it has nothing to do with concrete or asphalt for that matter. Yeah, it's just oils. Is what it is, I guess. Yeah, well... Yeah, no, I didn't know that you could do that. I thought it was just the concrete that I was smelling. Neither here nor there.
Going into the hollow earth, but you need to go through the Marianas trench. Oh my God. And you could see everything, all the crazy stuff in the hollow earth. That would be better. Are you kidding me? You have, but you have to, it takes four days to get through the Marianas trend. Okay. But am I, am I in danger? I mean, you're in a submarine. Same question. Same answer, bitch.
If they're like, everyone does it, like the animals down there. It has been done for five years. Five? No, no, no. Ten years. Okay. We have put people through the Marianas Trench. Right. Your turn. Right. Money where your mouth is. Let's see your mouth, pretty boy. I think. Don't say that. I think I would. Crazy. Bro, imagine going down there and like the lights are all on. No.
I don't know how we're illuminating. But like, it's like, all right, for like eight hours a day, we have to shut all the lights off because you need to like, and you need to feel what it would be like to sleep. And there's windows. Well, I would want the windows. I like it better if I could see. But down there, you can't see anything. Right, so it's just dark. Yeah, until it isn't.
What does that mean? Something flies by your window. Oh, well, I would be more interested in that. And then you hear this. What am I going to be scared by that? Oh, someone's knocking? A robber? Bro, I'm worried about giant fucking, like, the Kraken being down there. I'm saying you're down there in a solo pod. Now I'm alone. Yeah, bitch.
You put me in this situation where you need, you know, I'm not going to space. You know, I'm not unless Elon Musk came with a blank check and he was just like, you know, so money would motivate you to go. Yeah. Yes, it would Joey, but I would need to pick the amount. I saw a great question on the internet and I think it was a podcast. So I'm going to steal this and I, I I'm sorry.
One in a thousand. $50,000 each grape. Um... I would, uh, man, that's tough. I would say, I would say at least a hundred grapes. Frankie, that is insane. Yeah. One of every 10. Frank, you'd eat a hundred grapes. I would take those chances. You won't go to space because you're afraid of that. I'm guaranteeing death. All right.
But if I get to grape 99 and then I die at grape 100, does my family still get all the money? Because I'll die for that. Okay. So you'll go down like this. I'll go down. If it's like all this money is going to my kids, it's like I'm getting the money. And if I die on the 100th grape, they still get the other 99 grapes of money. Okay. The 99 grapes of money. Then I'm fine with it.
How many do you think you're eating, realistically? And put big, big, big... Remember that sweet money mouth of yours? Close that shit and just think as if you were a normal person. Yeah. I don't think that I would eat any. I'd be too afraid. Oh, I'd have to eat at least five. I would get in my head and be like. I'd be like, what? Sorry, Charlie. That's what I mean. Bro, eating a hundred.
Anyway, we do have a big announcement on this episode, and that is... The show's going back on the road. We're going across the pond. The show is going across the pond. We are... Overseas, as some people may say. Overseas, even though it's an ocean. Overocean. Overocean. As nobody says. Yeah. All the seas, I feel like, are right there in Europe. Adriatic. Dead. Red. Mediterranean. Mediterranean.
First of all, eating a hundred grapes itself is fucking crazy. No, you can eat a hundred grapes. A hundred grapes? Yeah. You're underestimating how many grapes that is. No, I think like a big, like a regular bundle of grapes is a hundred grapes. You're going to sit there and eat an entire thing of grapes? I like grapes. That's crazy. Do I get to pick the type of grapes? Sure.
It doesn't make them less poisonous. Black seedless grapes. Oh, my goodness. Real crunchy bitches, too. I bite into them and it's like... Imagine the first grape you take. Yeah, that'd be upsetting. First one's a prank, though. Yeah. Oh shit. He took the poison one. No, keep going. No, no, no. First one. You like you eat and you go, Oh, Oh, this would be a good Santa Gato studios video, bitch.
Oh, so I'll poison one. I'll put it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But you can like, you can like somehow one grape tastes like throw up. Like one grape is, or like, just put like something in the grape. And they'll be like, oh, wait, something's in this one. And you could say like, yo, like a hundred, like every grape you eat is a dollar. We're getting into Mr. Beast territory right now.
I think, I mean, listen, man, we got the new studio. We need to fill it up somehow. Each grape you eat is 20 bucks. Each grape you eat is, no, do a hundred grapes per person. Each grape you eat is a dollar. I'm not asking you to ball out, you know, but like. Yeah, but I'm saying like.
I mean, if it's going to be like a Mr. Beast video, it has to be like, well, we're going to, I don't know, some crazy shit. Yeah. Each grape is a million dollars. In this grape is a million dollars. And if you eat it, I'm going to shoot this person in the back of the head. Yeah. If you eat the wrong one, someone is going to kill you with a bat. Yeah. What if this, right? We blindfold.
three of you. And I put grapes in front of you guys. Yeah, baby. I mean, I like this. And it's like, You're all kind of in it together, right? So like, and that's the pot. Why are we doing this on the episode? I mean, people want to see the creative process of how things get done. I wonder if it will happen though. Probably not. But like, you get like a plate of grapes, right?
Mostly red, but there's like, so let's say you get 50 grapes. And... Eight of them are green grapes, right? Okay. I'm going to ignore the fact that you said green grips. Green grapes. Yeah. So green and red. So you know what I mean? So those would be the poisonous ones. And there's three of them. So everyone gets 50. And each one is 20 bucks that you eat.
But if any of you eat a green one, you lose all the money. I think it'd be a really fun video. So it'd be like, yo, you ate it and it's kind of, or even, or like this, you eat it and maybe you don't even, well, I know that's stupid. Nevermind. I was going to say, you don't know if you lost or not yet. Yeah. I think. Yeah. Yeah. I would say if it's a thousand grapes, that's way too much.
That's way too much money. What am I saying? Yeah. That's why I said a dollar a great. Oh no. 150 times 20. What is that? 1,150 times 2, so 2,300. What did you say again? I don't know. Now I'm confused. You said 150 times 20? 150 times 20. Yeah. Oh, 3,000. Oops. Oh, so then we'll like double that or something. Oh, you're just... 50 bucks. 50 bucks a grape. It has to be high stakes.
You guys have to like feel like, yo, we have enough money right now. Let's just call it quits before we fuck this up. But it would be per person or like the... No, like collectively. So you guys could make like a couple thousand dollars in this video if you like play it right. Damn, that's crazy. Yeah. That'd be a cool video. We gotta do that, like a mini Mr. Beast.
Mumford & Sons, shout out to them. Or just let them have their thing. We don't need to shout them out. Okay. Well, anyway, I think that's all we have for today. Also, this is our last episode that we're shooting in the old studio, so RIP. Touch the walls, boys and girls and anyone, however you identify. I wonder how, if you want to keep anything from here because you're that type of guy.
Salt? What's the... Oh, that's the dead. Dead. The dead one. Have you? Nope. I was just going to ask if you've ever been there. Let's just get the housekeeping stuff out of the way. Yeah, so anyway, we do have tour dates in the UK. And I mean, I think we announced by now, by the time this episode goes out on Instagram, that they're coming.
I've thought about it, honestly, but I probably won't. Frank's going to, right before he leaves today, turn around and go. Shut the lights and leave. I am. Yeah. That's what I am, bitch. I am what I am. And that's all that I am.
yeah uh yeah yeah but what an episode where can they find you i mean all over the place all over the place yeah i mean weird that we had to do the tour thing and then you know apologize but which again we are sorry yeah go you know yeah i don't know if they're gonna accept our apology which and that's their right you know uh but uh you know where to find me i'm not even gonna plug all my stuff go check it out and uh yeah
Yep, go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram if there is a TikTok by the time this comes out at TheBasementYard. And yeah, TheBasementYard.com to go get those tickets for the United Kingdom and Ireland, because I don't know if that's part of the UK. Yeah, just overseas. Overseas, that area. For the overseas shows. Yeah. We'll see you guys there, TheBasementYard.com. Tomorrow, 10 a.m.
local time, use the code BASEMENT to get your tickets. That is all. See you guys next time. See ya.
But on tomorrow, so when this goes out on YouTube, January 28th, that's when the presale will begin with the code BASEMENT at TheBasementYard.com. We are going to be in Glasgow, Scotland on March 25th. On March 27th, we are going to be in London. Did I say the 27th? Yeah. March 27th, we're going to be in London at the Palladium, and we're going to be at the Pavilion Theatre in Glasgow.
The wind up here is wild. You don't get more wind? No, no. I would think. You're closer to the water, right? Well...
And then on March 31st, we are going to be in Dublin. Ireland, uh, at the three Olympia theater. So you can go to, uh, the basement yard.com presale starts on January 28th at 10 AM local time. Okay. So where you live at 10 AM, that's when the tickets are going to go on sale January 28th, which is tomorrow, uh, use the code basement. Okay.
To get ready for that, uh, January 31st at 10 AM local time, uh, there'll be no code required because that is going to be the general sale. So, uh, On January 28th, tomorrow, and until the 31st, go on TheBasementYard.com to get your tickets for London, Glasgow, and Dublin. And yeah, use the code BASEMENT to get your tickets. And yeah, that's pretty much it. So we're coming to the UK.
A lot of people have been asking us about it. We're super excited. Frank's never been there. No. I just, what? No, I haven't. You said, uh, nah, nah, nah, I haven't. A lot of this is going to be you just making me do accents. I imagine it's going to be you asking me. No one's going to make you do any of that. All right. I'll do them.
You're on the water No like by the water Yes there's a lot of wind But I'm saying like the winters There's wind all the time up here Like a New York City winter The wind smacks you in the mouth By us it's just a dry cold I remember the first time I experienced a winter When I was living in college my freshman year I remember I'd go like this To be a dragon You were pretending to be a dragon in the cold
What I'm going to probably do more of is making you stop doing the accent. I know that. Yeah. Like Frank, you're offending them. I think, I think, um, people, you know, like we've received nothing but positive, uh, you know, what's the word I'm looking for?
support yeah people seem to like when we do it oh the accent yeah so um well i can't do it so you you're good yeah i mean no well you there have been times where you slip into one and you surprise us i can get for like four seconds i can do you'll surprise us with something but uh we're excited you know it's gonna be uh it's gonna be a time what do they say out there it's gonna be a what Cheerio?
No. See, that's why we don't let you do stuff like that. But yeah, we're coming out there. I just went to Scotland. I was in Glasgow for only a night, so I'm excited to... Twice in a year is wicked. Yeah, twice in 365 days for Scotland is kind of wild. Yeah. But going to be there. I've never been to London. I've never been to Dublin. Excited to go to these places.
Glasgow was a fun time when I went. Yeah.
excited i think most of the most of our group hasn't well actually no i met came with me and greg has been everywhere everywhere i've been there had that everywhere anywhere all at once yes uh but yeah so uh for those london and dublin shows uh if they do well maybe there's a second show and i think zach has been everywhere too i think he's driven everywhere now that i think about it i think i'm probably the one who is the least world traveled yeah you know and even a med like a med has been to scotland and i haven't yeah you know it's true
Uh, but yeah, so those are the dates again, March 25th, Glasgow, Scotland at the pavilion theater, March 27th, uh, in London, uh, palladium, uh, and March 31st at the three Olympia theater in Dublin. So go to the basement yard.com. Use the code basement, um, to get your presale tickets. Again, presale starts on January 28th on January 31st, 10 AM local time for both of those.
Uh, but on the 31st, it'd be general sales. So you won't need a code or anything. So, uh, There you go. OK. Also, you know, before we talk about anything super silly on this episode, you know, we had to get that out of the way. But we wanted to issue an apology to people that we've offended. This is a long time ago that we this is like over a year ago. Over two. Well, almost two years ago.
Almost two years ago, we did an episode of the podcast where we talked about these two girls, Carmen and Lupita, who are conjoined twins. And just to give you an idea of like the process, it's like sometimes we just like go on websites. We're looking for like headlines or whatever and trying to find something to talk about related to our lives and like do the show like that.
And we saw this headline about these two girls, they're conjoined twins, and one of them has a boyfriend. So we're like, okay, cool, we'll talk about that. And I made just a stupid comment, and I was like, it's just dumb. Looking back on it, it's embarrassing, and I can only imagine how embarrassing it is for them.
But I was just like, can we talk about these two girls who are conjoined at the pussy bone, is what I said. And then we were like talking about like if me and Frank were conjoined twins, what that would be like. And we were talking about a part of their life that is private and intimate to them. And we're definitely not the type of people I think.
I mean, it's weird because we sit in front of a camera and we talk and I think people are like, oh, I feel like we're talking with you. But, you know. We know who each other is, and I hope that people have gotten to understand who we are, but we're not the type of people that are just going to be like, we made a joke. It's comedy. Get over it. We are sensitive.
We don't like, at the end of the day, we don't like upsetting people, period. And the fact of the matter is we talked about something about two people who's live and talked about something that had to do with something that was very private and intimate to them and something they've had to deal with. And- It upset them, and we're sorry. We're not going to sit here and be like, no, that's it.
We upset someone. And I feel really bad because they're upset, and rightfully so. So this happened a while ago. It was May of 2023 because we just looked. And when the episode came out, I'm not sure how long after that, but I received a message and I saw it from one of them. And I was like apologetic and I apologize. I'm like, I'm so sorry.
Don't even pretend like it's still not cool. No, it's... I mean, I don't pretend I'm a dragon still. Oh. Okay. That's one of us, I guess. And I watched the... What is it? Vapor? Yeah, there it is. Leave my mouth and it stayed in the air. And I watched it float away. No, it didn't. Yo, I swear on my children. Like a cloud? You created a cloud. No, I didn't create a cloud. I just watched it.
And there is a tool on YouTube where you can just cut out a portion of an episode. So I cut it out just to be like, you know, I feel bad. If this was embarrassing for you, I want to take it out of the episode. So I took it out. Not realizing that there's also the audio version of it that I didn't take it out of. Stupid thing.
And the reason why this is coming up right now is, I mean, admittedly, I forgot that this even happened. And then like 20 minutes ago, I was tagged in a TikTok where she's talking about it and she's like, this is what they said. And I'm listening to it and I'm like, this is so bad.
Like, this is like just dumb, like to make a comment like that and say like, you know, they're connected at the pussy bone or whatever. And like, I'm not trying to make a joke of it. Like I'm saying the thing now because I want people to know like that's,
what i said and then we went on to speculate like oh if we were conjoined like this is what we would do and then then we were speculating about like their arrangement because that's what the the article was about was like they like one of them is this is what the article says i don't know if it's true i've also learned after the fact that that article misquoted them or whatever it is so you know
with a grain of salt, that like one of them has a boyfriend and one of them doesn't. So we were like thinking about like, oh, how does that work? And along the way, probably just like, it's an uncomfortable thing to talk about. I'm just not even realizing, I guess at the time wasn't realizing what I did, but like, it's just, it's stupid. And I feel really bad. And like, With the show.
I mean if you guys watch the show week to week to week, we don't like to offend people we're just trying to be silly and we're trying to just You know just I don't know just try to make people happy and and it sucks to sit here and be like Yeah, you just did the fucking thing that like and so many people also on the internet are like Oh these guys deserve microphones and everyone else is like a fucking asshole.
They're unproblematic and Then to have this yeah happen like oh Or that had happened before. It's like, now we just look like fucking idiots. You know what I mean? And I just feel really bad. And I just wanted to apologize to both Carmen and Lupita about, you know, the stupid shit that we said. We were just like, in our minds, just being silly or whatever.
But like, you know, obviously we said something that offended you. Looking back on it, I don't think it's fucking funny. Didn't really add anything to the show or whatever. It's just stupid. It's just stupid.
yeah and and i i mean i there's really nothing much else that i can say or contribute but you hit the nail on the head like we we just don't like we're like and and we're both very sensitive to this we're like i think we are always trying to make sure that we are just not upsetting people and just hearing from someone saying like hey that that is me i am that person like yeah
it's just like oh man you went on and on for fucking 20 minutes and again it's about a part of their life like i'm sure they've had to deal with ridicule from other people as well and like to be a part of that is something that is upsetting we there's no like we're not going to sit here and just be like that was done this is no it was wrong you know we fucked up and i'm not like minimizing it and calling it anything other than uh just sad and kind of gross and
yeah we carmen and lupita we apologize and and i i sent them a message on tick tock but i've never i didn't i've never messaged anyone on tick tock but i went to their page and i messaged them um i think it's a shared account and they haven't read it yet but i sent them a message basically apologizing letting them know that we're going to be apologizing on the episode um but Yeah, man.
Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard. Sexy love, go to the things you do. Ooh, baby, baby, keep me strong. That was so good, I can't even continue.
It's just a divy Irish pub. It was a divy. where our friend fell down the stairs and cracked his skull open.
Yeah. And that was when my grandmother died around that time. Oh, good for her. A lot to celebrate. Yeah. I'm kidding. Oh, God. A lot to celebrate. So close to Mother's Day. I remember one time I was at Dimar Station, and I ordered sliders. And the place is called Dimar Station, also RIP. I loved that place. It was a pretty cool spot. I hated how the bathroom was up 40 flights of stairs.
What the fuck was that about? Jesus, I just want to take a piss. I don't need to work out. It's ridiculous. But anyway, I ordered sliders and they brand the top of them with this logo that says DS. And I was eating one of them. The other one was on a plate. And this older woman walked by and just went, Dick suck. I went... What? She goes... Dick suck. D-S. Dick suck. And then walked away.
What was that? Crazy. And I was like... I'm literally 20. Bro... Like... Astoria now is kind of known as a pretty young, hip, vibrant nightlife spot. But the bars back in 2011, 2012, before it boomed into what it is now, it was like McCann's, Dipmar's Station, and Rocky's. And they were... The biggest pieces of shit.
I can, in hindsight, listen, I hated Rockies because it was, like, where, like, the worst of the neighborhood went. But, like, I can also fully acknowledge that Ditmar Station was that, but just slightly. It had karaoke. Also, this place. That's the only difference. Karaoke. And... It was, you would get characters there because you would, you would get a fucking, it's right below the train.
So people before they got on the train or after the train, they would just come in there. It was like, you get creatures in there. And they didn't card. So we were going there at like 17, 18, 19.
I went on a double date there one time. Yes, I did. And I'm there with my mom. And I,
Sitting with and here's the funny thing the way that the place was set up is you walk in It's the bar is right here, and it's skinny, and it's all bench seating It's a run back area. There's like a back area, but that's like toward the back of the place You have to go to the whole runway you have it's literally a runway, so I'm sitting there underage with my mom All right, we'll say that.
You already said it.
No, no. I actually think at the time we were of age because I remember it was the girl I went to high school with. Yeah. Yes. Okay. So I was of age. Got you, ma. But I remember it was like the only place to sit was directly across from where you guys were. So I saw you and these two girls and then the other person that was with you on the date.
And it was just so funny because I'm talking to my mom. cross and it was crazy by the way that girl also tried to fight me in sixth grade oh and there was uh Not going to say that. She was a character. I have a story about her that I will not say. Also, not the person that I was on a date with. Also, want to say this. Never saw either of them again. Yeah, I wonder what ever happened to them.
Well, I think β well, that's what a fucking hat literally is. No, but that's what I'm saying. But like as a single thing I'm looking at, I'm like, oh, okay. This is like a hat. I think we have come to a place now where like fedoras found their lane and it's in older Hispanic men. Like I think we can all agree that people in their late teens β Like me. Wearing fedoras is a mistake.
I have no idea. I really was into the girl. I don't know. This is the first time I ever met her. It was her friend. Her friend. The one you went to high school with.
Yeah. uh and her friend was very quiet and like she was i think her her friend was like was her name like something with like a precious stone or something like that no it was an interesting name though i remember i think it might have been because the other girl i'm sorry this is this is us i think she was egyptian Yes. Okay. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, man. The good old days. The good old days. Can I ask you a serious question? And a lot of people have said this. Like, I remember I said this out loud, which doesn't surprise you because you often hate what I say. When you hit 21, did it kind of make drinking less fun?
um that's a wild thing to say um i don't think so i think it was fine because like i feel like you could only go to like a few places when you're underage that you're like oh do they card or do they have a look yeah but like it was so much cooler it was cool to be like oh man yeah it's just like yeah got in they're not asking at the door but i was also afraid to order drinks
Never, never in a million years. My mentality was always like walk in, act like you own the place. Yeah. And it worked. Yeah. I mean, once you're in, you're like, all right, I'm good. I was like young going to bars. Yeah. And like the mentality that I always had was literally like the idea of like walk in, pretend like you own the place. And then, you know. Be a regular. How you doing, chief?
It's like, you're 14. Get the fuck out of here, dude. In hindsight, looking back on it, I've seen pictures of me at 15, 16 years old. I thought I was the coolest person in the world because I was just like, they believe it. Were we in bars at 16? I can with confidence say I was. I don't know if I was. Not like every weekend, but like on the occasion. I think 18 is when I started going to places.
Well, our sisters are several years older than us. Your sister didn't really drink. No, she still doesn't. My sister drank enough for both of them. Got it. So you would go to places with her. So like I would go to places and she would always, she would get in and then she'd say I was her twin brother. And it was like what I remember when she, remember she worked for the karaoke company? Yeah.
Oh yeah. That was an easy one. That was an easy one. We're getting off topic. Speaking of drinking, Ant brought another little trick. You know him. He's got his tricks up his sleeve. It's Antonio's bag of tricks. Well, he keeps them in his pockets that he wears. Just in case a truck flips over with all those dimes. Yeah, exactly. By the way, I saw that clip.
I'm reminded again where you thought you could carry 50 grand or whatever the fuck.
We all have moments where we make mistakes. It's so true.
It's the... Holy shit.
I think that's bullshit. This feels way... Bro, I've lifted... This is at least 30 pounds. I mean, the way that you're holding it makes it look heavy. But also, you know when you do kettlebell presses and stuff like that because you have to hold it in a weird angle? Yeah. Oh, wow. So. You're going to drink out of that? We are going to drink out of it. We're going to smash our teeth out.
It was a mistake. But it also worked well for me. Like, I was past my fitted phase. I was in a weird... It was right before the snapback phase. You were trying to find your footing. I had to reestablish. You know, Joey, we've talked about this openly and honestly. I've been a trendsetter. I am at the forefront of most fashion trends by design. Not even by design.
I think we'll be okay. We're going to get wet. Why'd you say that? We're going to get wet. So I want to see who can drink better out of it. Can you try first? I mean, it's by you. And it might take a couple minutes to get it over there. So we're just going to add a little beep beep of water.
Fill it up.
That was crazy. I'm letting you know. If it cuts and I'm in a different shirt, we know what happened. Okay. So. You got it. Be careful. Don't blast your teeth out.
Be careful of your teeth. Is it that heavy? Yo, it is heavy, brother. Let's try this hand because this wrist. That's what it is. Almost went. Yep. Easy. Yep. Yep.
By the way, if you're listening on audio, this is going exactly the way that you think it's going. Just get a little sip. Are you going two hands? Oh, he's double-handed.
Now he's doing... This looks like it's not going to work out at all. Oh, it's good. You're good. He's got two hands.
Yeah. You can do it? You got it. Are you giving up? No. All right. The more you try, the more you get wet. Here we go. Yeah. Yeah. Hype yourself up. Hype yourself up. Who's the man?
He did it.
Thank you. Thank you so much. You just had to hype yourself up and scream a little.
Keep me running back to you. Running back to you. Do my love, make it up to you.
That's heavy. That's a heavy guy. Now I'm worried I'm not going to be able to do this. Hold on, I'm going to clean the mouth off. You're cleaning it like a priest. There you go. I probably shouldn't do that, right? What did you say? I was going to be a priest. Oh, you could be a priest. No. Was I supposed to understand what you were about to do? I was going to say something crazy. Oh.
Too much? No, no. I think you should do more, honestly. Shut up. Here. All right. Let me try. All right. Give it a shot because this is a heavy baby.
What the fuck? Yo.
Holy shit. Yo, that is β I don't know if I can pick that up. I don't think β like, I think 20 pounds is not accurate because that feels like a 35-pounder. There's no way this is 20 pounds. I could throw 20 pounds in the β Yeah, I agree. 20 pounds is light work. Ozone. Can you look it up while we're doing this?
Get the fuck out of here.
No, it doesn't β yeah, that doesn't mean shit. I'm telling you, that's heavier than 20 pounds, 22 pounds. Look at you! I'm getting ready. Well, you have to put this down so it doesn't smash on the table, so take that. Okay.
Fuck you, dude. You got this. I know. Bro, that could kill someone. Yeah. Easily. Okay. Alright, go one hand. This is gonna be hard. Bro, I'm not even kidding. I could see someone breaking their wrist trying to do this. Let's go, mother sucker! Just go come on baby. Hey look at me.
Yeah, yeah You have to cuz here's the part here's the hard part you can pick it up you need to this I know I told you I
By coincidence is what I'm trying to say. I start wearing something and then it gets popular. Fedoras. Fedoras. Hawaiian shirts. Snapbacks. It was me. You are credited with the snapback. Are you insane? I think I, and why are you looking at me like that? I think I deserve a lot of credit for the comeuppance of snapbacks.
You need the tilt or you got to crouch yourself. You got this. Hey, hey, hey. It's hard. Okay, let me try again. You got it. I'm going left now. We're going left. We'll do it live. I don't think left is going to work for you, man. All right.
I'm afraid you're going to smash my teeth in.
Here, you can do two. This shit is healthy. You can do two. Healthy?
Okay. The body of Christ. Amen. Be like a priest. Oh, easy.
Yeah. All right. All right. So that's not fun. How about this? How about I try to lift it with one hand and pour it in your mouth? Are you insane? Mama.
Were you able to do that, Ant?
Sort of do it? Like how you can do it.
Oh, man. Well, I guess good on you, my friend. Thank you. Oh, my God. It's healthy. Okay. Get serious. All right? Because there's that. Brand new laptop. I'm fucking tired, dude. We have some ads... What is this show? I don't know. What is it? I'll tell you what. It isn't a Harry show. Well, no. I meant it is Harry's. We're not Harry is what I meant. Oh, well. Because of Harry's razors.
They're the best razors on the market, folks. Okay. They're German engineered blades made in their own factory that stay sharp. Also, I want to go out on a limb and say this, not part of the ad read, some of the best packaging I've ever seen in my life. Love it. Love their stuff. But they have extra strength, high quality, amazing smelling deodorant for just $5.
They have hair and other grooming products as well. But yeah, so you have customizable delivery options for scheduled refills as low as $2, half of what you would pay for other big brands. So saving some money there. And it's also nice. You get new razors because you can't just keep using the same razor. Eventually they just get dull and then you start cutting yourself. You get razor burn.
Trust me. Look at my neck. But, yeah, you have a no-risk trial. If you don't like your shave, no worries. It's on them. There's a convenient subscription option. Like I said, you can cancel that at any time whenever you want. But their normal trial set is $10, but right now you can get it for just $6 at harrys.com slash basement, okay? That is harrys.com slash basement for that $6 trial set.
So go jump on it, folks. Harry's Razor is the best razors in the game. And then we also have Squarespace. Squarespace is where you're going to build your website. You can go on their website and you can build a professional-looking website in a day, in an afternoon. Honestly, I've done it before. So their templates are amazing. They make it very easy to make a professional-looking website.
Websites are very important. And you know that if you have an e-commerce business.
or you know you make content or something like that you need a website this is your first impression so it's important that you have a good looking website so uh squarespace is going to help you do that they also have a lot of tools that will help you optimize all of your traffic and get everything you know in one place okay you can build your website and then you can have these tools to help you grow your website and your traffic all in the same place so
It is great. So you can head to squarespace.com slash basement. Use that offer code basement, and you will save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain, okay? Again, the offer code is basement. So squarespace.com. The offer code is basement, and you will save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. So get to it, folks. And you know what?
Did you make that up? Because I like it. Comeuppance. I didn't come up with comeuppance. Comeuppance had its comeuppance prior to me. Is it a word? I'm just continuing the comeuppance. I feel like I'm not getting an answer.
Whatever journey you're on, whatever you're doing with your life. Sorry. You know why I coughed? My body is literally bursting with excitement to tell you about Patreon. Patreon.com slash Basement Yard, folks. That's where you get more of us, more of us a little early. And, you know, everyone always says, Joe, why are you always, you know, premature? Well, this is why. I'm sorry.
That was stupid, right?
It's all right. All right. Go to patreon.com slash the basement yard. You sign up for that first year. You get these weekly episodes one week in advance. That second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday morning. So you could start and end your week with the basement yard. And those episodes on Friday, they do get a little crazy.
I was just talking to Ann about doing one and they're, they're a little nuts. And Ann was just like, what if I just like whip my dong out? And I said, don't do that, Ann. And he's like, I'm going to show you anyway. And I said, please don't. And then Joe said, please do. Maybe you'll find that on Patreon. You're definitely not gonna.
But thank you guys so much for getting us to finally over 34,000 paid patrons. Unbelievable. The support and love is something that we often talk about and it is supporting us directly. So thank you. And do yourself and us
the favor if you go to patreon.com slash the basement yard on a web browser you actually type in that url and you don't use an app you actually save yourself some money signing up that way so you want to save yourself some money you want to give the gift father's day uh birthdays uh arbor day whatever i don't care whatever you want go check it out patreon.com slash the basement yard and as joe said at the top of the show
The live shows are back, baby. And boy, oh boy, are we excited for them. So if you have not been able yet to secure your tickets or you're just waiting to figure out, like, let's put a fun time together with me and some friends, go to TheBasementYard.com. Check out the live show schedule. There's tickets available in some places, some are not. Just go check it out.
Now, laborious, I fully take credit for that, and I think you can attest that laborious was only made β it was brought back into the stratosphere of popularity because β To annoy me, and it worked. I don't β And it did work. Why does it annoy you? Why did it annoy you, I should say? Because I think at this point you're not annoyed by it.
And if you're coming to any of those shows, go to TheBasementYard.com slash submit. A portion of the shows is fan interaction, and we talk with you guys, about you guys, to you guys. It's kind of crazy. So many links, so many URLs. I'm sorry if I'm just spewing all this nonsense at you, but that's the way it goes. So go check it out. Thank you. Thank you. Bye.
This is why he doesn't let me do ad reads. What the hell was that, dude? Thank you. Bye. This is why he doesn't let me do ad reads. He's a little upset with how I do them. Let's get a moment of silence, though, for porn. A moment of silence for porn? Yeah, it's being... Apparently, isn't it being... Oh, I was like... It's like there's a chance that it could get banned. Okay, yes.
I love how you said moment of silences are like... For dead. For dead, like people like, oh, let's have a moment of silence. They do it on like, you know, like the anniversary of D-Day. And I guess now you want to do it on behalf of... The potential of porn getting banned? Not on the heels of D-Day. There are some lawmakers that are... They want to ban porn. Potentially trying to ban porn.
You know my feelings on porn. You love it. I'm just saying, like... Is this a bad thing? I mean, this is a weird... Like, how do you argue on behalf of this? Of Bahorn? Like, who is going to?
of before like who's gonna be the person who should be like we shouldn't ban pornography that's a weird thing to defend even if you're like pro-porn i think it's more of just like who's gonna be the congress person good job like that that's going to come forward and just be like wait a second guys take it easy being a little hard on porn i think it's more about like
freedom to do well if you want sure but there's I think that the way that they are approaching it is like they want to protect against like obscene material what's obscene I think porn is obscene what is obscene to me obscene means like Like, a next level of, like, whatever. Like, two people having sex is not obscene. No, correct.
I don't think porn is just like, here's two people just having regular sex. Here's two people in love.
No one is being like, oh, this is a loving couple. It'll be like, you know, like, oh, my stepmom is such a dirty slut today. It's like... What the hell is going on? I got stuck in the dryer.
How? It's circular. There's nothing to get caught on.
What the hell? I didn't order 12 pizza pies by 12 different people. That's the obscene parts. But, like, who's going to defend that? Yeah, I don't know. Who's the person that's going to be like, you know what, I'm going to stand up for porn? Well, I think that, like, people who work in the industry obviously are going to be like, bro, we should be able to fuck each other.
Hold on before we go any further by the way guys Tickets are on sale right now go to the basement yard comm go get yourself some tickets come to one of our shows We are very excited to get out there on the road. It's gonna be a fun day We have a lot of cool stuff planned. But, yeah, go get your tickets at TheBasementYard.com.
I don't think anyone is taking that right from them. You know what I mean? On tape, for monies. Well, like, here's... I guess, how do you... Like, do you draw the line then at, like, OnlyFans? Why don't we do this? I think a good compromise is that we just change the titles.
Like, why don't we make it so, like, we just write, like, two young people really in love or having sex, and even if they're going crazy on each other... I don't think anyone's in love to shove their dick in a pizza pie and then open a box and show it. No, but, you know. You don't... What is the show? Love makes you do crazy stuff.
You know, like, put that, like, down there and, like, try to... You know what I mean? Maybe that softens the mold. So you think it's just the title that might be the obscene part, not the content. I think that... Honestly, I think maybe. Like, sometimes the obscene part is the title, where it's like, Big white pole in little petite. And you're like, bro, chill. Like... Take it easy.
Like, why can't we just say, like, a nice guy, nice girl, meet, and have a good time? Do me a favor. When you guys submit this to get uploaded, just let me know the moment at which it got demonetized. Right, yeah. If it was not during this conversation, I would be astonished. It'll give us a time shift. Yeah, like, she can't just be like, oh, she's a scientist. She's always a...
filthy, pigtailed... So you think whoever's job it is to come up with the titles, they should just be like... Take it easy. Take it easy. So, like, if it's, you know, just be like, you know what? Be in love. Woman had a hard work week. And what's a hard dicking? Well, see... Well, that's a compromise. No, I think you could pull it back more.
Listen, also, I have to admit, like, it's a weird thing to defend, but, like... Just be like, go like the non-obscene route. Just be like. Tough week at work. Someone just needs a little R&R. You know? What's that? R&R could be like... What is that? Like Ronnie and Ryan. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but what is R&R? I don't know what it actually stands for. It's like rest and relaxation.
That song's been in my head for like a year. You just sang it before we started recording. And I figured that might as well start with that. I literally like for a year, this has been in my head. You know what? Like completely forgot about until I was recently listening to my 2007 hits. Yes. Remember the dream, the American dream.
Is that it? I don't know. Yeah, people use that term. Okay. But like make it something like that. But then also the context, like the actual substance that it is, is probably the obscene part too. Yeah. I just think that it's probably better for, you know, especially with the younger men of the world who are kind of psychotic at the moment, I will say.
And I don't think there needs to be more of this aggressive, like, bent over fucking...
Hammer style type of shit.
You know what I mean? I mean, soften up the titles. I've said this before, and I know it's a joke at this point, but I wonder how many people in the world today, their view of sex is what they've seen in porn. An overwhelming majority. So, like, there might be an argument for it because, like, how many, like, unhealthy relationships have come out of that?
If you already bought tickets also, go to TheBasementYard.com slash submit and submit to those prompts because that's like a little section of our show where we like to do some interaction with you guys. And usually there's a lot of psychos out there, which is great. It's good for us. We had so much fun last year in Europe, and now we're excited because β We're back in the States. We're back.
Maybe also there's something to suggest that there have been healthy relationships that have come out of it. Sure. But I think the funniest part of this is that someone's going to have to go up there and defend it. I don't think that they're defending porn as, likeβ
I love porn chill out like I don't think it's like that I think it's more of like how can you stop people from wanting to have sex on camera for money if people are willing to pay for it's more of like a freedoms thing as much as I think it's more of that than it is like I need jackhammer porn. Well, there is a duty to protect what media can and can't be out there.
So that's the approach they're taking is that, like, if it's obscene material, we cannot allow it to be. you know, peddled to the masses. I think that we should probably just start, if we're going to, if we're going to get to a compromise, we should start dialing things back. So I don't think that anyone needs to be stretching open anything.
Like what if they just started adding in like, no more stretching. Like they take out like certain like audio tracks and put in like sound effects, you know? Yeah. Boom. Boing, yoing, yoing, yoing, yoing. Yeah, something like that. What happened to that? What happened when the tongue would fall out of the mouth? And the eyes would pop out and it would be like a wolf?
Yeah, but we don't need any of the stretching. You're sticking on the stretching. Because that's obscene to me. I mean, all of it is. Yeah, I get that. But no, that specifically is like, no two girls, one cup. Oh my God. You can't have that. Do you even consider what that was to be pornographic? There was two naked women. I feel like that was just a nightmare-ish.
I heard that was like a movie and like it was a scene in the movie. i don't i don't oscar winner and the academy goes to two girls one cup uh i was so i got it yeah you know but yeah they're gonna they're gonna ban the the pern which is fine where do you draw the line because the new grand theft auto game is coming out next year and like i'm sure you could do stuff in that yeah
Can you do stuff in the last one? I mean, you could, like... I've, like, went to a strip club and I beat up the owner and took some cash. I think in the last one.
You lose 50 bucks and then they walk out of the car. They're like, thanks, daddy! You know. And then you shoot them and they take it back. Everyone did that. This is crazy. Everyone did that. I've also... What a wild game, dude. It's such a crazy game. My mom bought it for me. That is crazy. But she was like, I didn't know. I was like, the name of the game is a crime.
You ever think of how naive your mom was and just be like, it was kind of cute? Yeah, the game is named after a felon. Yeah, but that's only one part of it. And there's a guy with a dog and a gun.
Yeah, but that's not like... She probably didn't know I was going to be... You didn't know, like, yeah, you can run around and shoot and stuff, but also, like, they didn't know that you can go and, like, you know...
get back alley hand jobs and shit like that I never did any of that I would just do like weapons cheats and I would fight the police and I would like drive through crowds of people what I would okay I would do that too and this is when I played Grand Theft Auto 5 which was the one that came out yeah what 12 years ago at this point almost 13 by the time the next one comes out
i would my my thing was i would drive through the airport to try to steal a plane and see if i can get away because when you drive into the airport instantly the most amount of stars like the police are after you yeah um so like that i always felt like how long could i you know yeah that's usually how i played that game too just do shit like have you seen the trailer for the new one i yeah i have the internet's quite a buzz for it
Because the main, for the first time ever, one of the main characters is a woman. Okay. And it's in Miami. Right. So, like, people are like, could you go and get, like, a BBL for this thing? You know? Dr. Miami's in the game. But, like, bro, in Grand Theft Auto V, like, you could do some, like, you could put them in, like, underwear and running around and shit like that. Really? Yeah.
Back in the, not New York, but. What are you doing?
I forget how that game went. It was three guys, though. That's what I'm saying. Like, you can run around in underwear as three guys. Like, you think the pervs are going to be out in full force for this? Frankie. You think so? Obviously, they're going to be out. They're going to be in full, like. When does this game come out? Next May. May 2026. I mean, if they ban porn. So, there's a good question.
It's like. That's what's going on. You remember the whole thing with Grand Theft Auto San Andreas? The whole coffee, cup of coffee thing? No. You don't remember that? Hillary Clinton was like big on that. It was a β I think it was a mission in the game that like you could only get to with a cheat code. And it was like you go on a date and then you go home and you β fuck. What?
Back in the groove. Oh, yeah. We're back. There's so many songs we could sing. Boys are back in town. Right. Back in black. Back in, well. Yeah, no. I don't think that works. I just think of back. Motown Philly back again. We can walk out to that in Philly. Okay. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah. Is that Boyz II Men? Yes. Okay. Backstreet's back. Backstreet's back, but we're not Backstreet.
I don't think you can, like... What? I don't think you can, like, control during the sex, but, like, it'll be like... There's a scene? There's a scene where it'll be, like, outside. You know what I'm talking about.
But I remember in, like, Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, it was, like, a big... It was a big thing. People were using that to, like, ban video games.
that there was like a sex scene in it can you look it up while we're talking that's so weird though like why even put that in there I kind of agree like it's weird like at what level is it like bro in Red Dead Redemption 2 you can go like hunting and fishing which like there are video games specifically for that do you yeah you can play darts and poker
Like, why am I going to play a video game to play darts and poker and fish? So I agree with you, but then there's something in my mind. I remember I would watch β this was a while ago when I would stream on Twitch. So I would watch some people playing, and there's a game where it's just power washing. And, like, shit is dirty, and you're just power washing it.
And I was like, all right, I could β like β But those are different games. I'm saying, like, that doesn't need to be in Grand Theft Auto. Yeah. Like, in Grand Theft Auto, I shouldn't be able to open a fucking, like... Yeah, you shoot a person in the head and then you power wash them? Yeah, like a lawn mowing business. I did play that game. That game was incredible. What's that?
It was, like, lawn mowing simulator or something like that. It was on your phone? No, it's on Xbox. If you have Game Pass and you have Xbox... You played a lawn mowing? Bro, you open... You start off, you, like, open your own, like... Lawn mowing business. ...landscaping company, and, like, you need to do a certain amount of lawns well to, like, get better equipment. Hell yeah.
And, like, hire people and shit like that. I was in it. Did you have an empire? No, I only played, like, two or three times, and then I deleted it. It was free. Right. But, like... That should be its own game. You don't need to put that in Grand Theft Auto. Sure. But I'm telling you, I'm calling it now. The pervs are out. The pervs are coming out for Grand Theft Auto 6.
I told you. I told you. That's what the mission was called? Like hot coffee? Yeah. And it was basically that like you... Yep. CJ meets a girl and like they go home and have sex. But I don't think it was like you can like, you know, like... Press A to thrust.
Like Parappa the Rapper, like on beat, press circle, circle, circle, circle. Kick, punch, blow. Yeah. I used to fuck with that game. That game was pretty sick. Parappa the Rapper. Oh, my God, dude. That just brought back something. Listen, you know how I feel about video games. Do you remember the game that I had? I loved this game. It was called Fighting Force.
No, I remember you playing and loving the hell out of Jersey Devil. You know what's funny? I did love that game, and then one day, I don't know why I did this. I started looking up gameplay from all those old PlayStation games. I was about to say Johnny Bravo, but that's not what I meant. Blasto. Blasto. That, Jersey Devil, both of them are trash. Well, I mean, with today's eyes, sure.
Bro, I loved Blasto. I loved Blasto. That was Phil Hartman. Oh, my God. He did the voice of Blasto. There was all those games. Medieval. Bro, they made a remake. Was it good? On the PlayStation. People were like, yo, this is incredible.
But, like, remember Gex, the gecko? Yes. Croc. Now you got me. Yeah, that shit was good. Now you got me. I just want to look up old PlayStation 1 games. PlayStation games from the early 2000s? Late 90s was probably because PlayStation 1 was from 1995, I want to say. Also, Metal Gear Solid. Let's not even go there.
Siphon Filter, bro. You get a taser, you start tasing people until they, like, set on fire. We're noticing a trend here, Joey. We're noticing a trend. I'm just saying, that's a weird thing to put in the game. Cool borders. Here we go. Cool borders. Wow. Bro, you know what game I went so fucking hard on, dude? You remember SSX Tricky, the snowboarding game? I never had that.
Dude, that game was so fucking good. And then you could fucking like do the worm on your board and shit like that. And then like, you know, do like a fucking triple backflip and Garibaldi. Good times. All the Crash Bandicoots. Well, yeah, those are, I mean, the first, I should say the first three. After Warped, they got, like, bad. Did you ever fuck with Final Fantasy? No, dude. I played one.
We're basement. The basement. Backstreet's back. Okay. Doesn't hit as well. Can I make one suggestion? And I'm not going to say when it might be, but if you guys come to the show, maybe if this works, you'll see it. This should be good. What if the Walk On and Walk Off song is a song, a popular song, but I sing it?
People love Final Fantasy. And, like, cool, but, like... I played one because I got it in a cereal box. Bro, cereal? What's good with you? There used to be, like, legit shit in boxes. You mean back when companies were more willing to be open to collaboration with their intellectual property? That's what I'm saying. Bro, cereal boxes?
I used to open up and there used to be five fucking cool, like, lightsaber spoons in there. Now what's in there? Cholesterol? Fuck you, cereal. MLB... What's the one where you can, like, someone hits a double and then you go to second base and you beat the shit out of them and then they're out? Slugfest? That's it. Yeah. Yeah. Where you just fight people?
I love when video games, like, didn't take themselves too seriously. Now, it's like a video game comes out and it's like... Art. And like, we're gonna tackle conversations about mental health. Which, cool. Love that. Honestly, I do. Being able to do that in a medium like video games where a lot of people feel comfortable to express themselves and live in that little world. Love that.
But also, give me a game where I can run as fucking Jeremy Shockey down the field, stiff arm someone's face, and then they hit a brick wall and go through it. Yeah, touchdown. You know what I mean? Sport games. Madden. Sports simulators. I don't want this shit. Oh, you need to work hard to sign your rookie contract. Fuck you. Put me in the NFL. Put me in the NFL.
Now the NFL games are like, you want to play in college? What do you think I'm here for? If I wanted to, I'd get the college game. You want me to earn it? I bought the game. Put me in the league. Bro, and also, you remember that game that came out? It was called Blitz the League. And it had like Bill Romanowski and Michael Irving on the cover. And it was like, oh no, your guy broke his leg.
You're out six to eight weeks or take steroids and you're back in the game next play. I was like, steroids, steroids, steroids. But, like, six to eight weeks is too long. If I'm trying to become a star in the FLN, the Football League Nation, I should. Because they can't legally use the NFL. Got it. You just did. We're done. No, no, no, no, no, no. I get it. The game. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But, like, now video games are just, like, that's why I love you've never played it and you never will. Doom. I played Doom. You played Doom 64. Yeah. Doom Eternal and then Doom the Dark Ages. I haven't played Dark Ages yet. But like, bro, it's just like you're put in a room with a thousand demons and you have a chainsaw fist and a shotgun with a chain. It's just like, yeah!
Or you go play this game where your tiger was and you need to pick the right fucking iron. Fuck you, Tiger Woods. Sorry. I love Tiger Woods. I have no issue with him. He did some stuff that was a little questionable at points, but like. Cheated on his wife. Cheated his wife. With a thousand people. Yeah. He numbered them, didn't he? What? Wasn't there like. That's a detail that I don't know.
Maybe I'm wrong.
But wasn't it like they were listed in his phone as like number 14, number 12. That's insane if that's true. Also, you could just β they could have been β you got a golf joke right there. Yeah, par 12. Hole three. Oh, there it is. Yeah. Also, par 12? You shooting on the moon? Yeah, what are you shooting? Across the country? Here we go. We do have some sponsors. This is a hard segue.
Give me a really like a walk-off song that or walk-on song that we've used that you like
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Use that code basement, folks. Boom. One last thing I want to bring up to you. Yeah. We've been all over, and good luck naming this episode. Yeah. KFC's back. They didn't go anywhere. They didn't. They didn't go anywhere. Aren't they not? They're just KFC, right?
Uh, what did we just walk on to? Well, TV off, which I don't think I'm the right person to do.
They changed their name? Yeah, there was like that whole thing that came out. It's like it's not Kentucky Fried Chicken. Well, something came out. I don't want to say it because I don't know it. Something came out, and I'm not aware of it. But we talked recently that they were doing the fried chicken toothpaste.
Ant, do me a favor. On the company card, order every flavor of toothpaste on that website.
tiramisu toothpaste tiramisu we're gonna try it for a patreon episode honestly if that's good i mean maybe hit them up and see if they'll send them so we don't have to pay remember we thought the name of that place was like his his mile or something it's high smile smile yeah um what is kfc they're back they're back so kfc decided that not only was fried chicken toothpaste where they want to discuss you know
uh i guess support marketing or a brand or whatever they now have an ice cream flavor fried chicken nope so they're releasing an exclusive ice ice cream flavor in the uk they're gonna die okay and you're gonna fucking die all right uh but it's not fried chicken flavor and any guesses When's the last time you went to a KFC? Oh. I don't hate KFC. Years. I like KFC. I like KFC. I like Popeye's.
Frank, do that. No, no, no. Do a Kendrick Lamar song, Frank.
I don't think I'm going to do that one. Um, I don't know. What do you do like a rendition? Disco Inferno. I could do Disco Inferno. One, two, three. Let's go. Little mama, show me what you're moving. Can you imagine a hearing? Go ahead, get your back in two. Wait. Hearing that would be hilarious. How funny would it be if it's like Ahmed is just like, you know, doing his, getting us ready.
I like Popeye's a little more. Oh, my God. I love Popeye's. I love Popeye's. I haven't been to either in over a year. Oh, that's recent. I thought you were going to say like...
eight years um i probably went like three years ago can we do an episode where we just bring in if we just bring in fast food for joey and he eats it at the very beginning and we see what happens to his stomach as the episode goes on because chances chances would be that you would end up pissing your butt at some point during that episode Just like my dog. That's full circle, folks. That's right.
Call back. What do you think the flavor is?
It's not fried chicken.
would be kind of good mac and cheese no hold on like a mashed potatoes but it's like a creamy garlic i mean a ice cream but it's a creamy garlic it sounds disgusting why it sounds good just savory ice cream not sweet ice cream garlic ice cream i kind of wouldn't hate that you would take vanilla ice cream and then put a olive oil on it it's good i think
we did that somewhere like one of the desserts we had at a restaurant maybe it's might have had that it's good though yeah i don't i don't hate it wait so what the fuck is this thing is it like corn no no no no popcorn chicken no love the popcorn chicken that would be chicken the flavor that they're releasing the exclusive flavor they're releasing is it is it a menu is it a menu item with their food yeah so it's like one of those things it's something that is like synonymous with like fast food chicken loaded wedges
Not where I thought you were going. No, no, no. Give me a letter. I'll give it away. Give it a go. G. Green beans. Unbelievable that you can't get this. KFC? Yeah. Green. Green? No. Gers. Gers. Gers. Gers. Gers. Gers.
gravy gravy yeah oh i'm a fucking idiot yeah we know fucking we know gravy flavor flavored ice cream that's probably fire i love gravy is it it's better than fucking mashed potato flavored i mean well actually them together would be right i was gonna say you would eat gravy flavored ice cream i think so now that i think about remember when people would be like they'd call like semen man gravy
Disgusting. How did your mind go there? Because you said I love gravy. Yeah. Baby batter. It's a better one. That's way worse, dude. Really? We knew a kid named Batter back in the day. Remember him? Holy shit. His name was Batter. Yeah. We also knew a kid named Seven. Who? We knew a kid named Seven. Oh, someone's like little brother.
But there was batter. Someone beat the shit out of him. I forget. One of our friends. It wasn't me or you. We were pacifists. We chose love and beating up people only in video games. Yeah, I was too small for that. There was no way. I was whooping ass at Def Jam Fight for New York. I'll tell you that. 50 Cent was laying smack down. Redman was kicking people in the nuts.
But in real life... Gravy flavored. Would you actually... Here's my question. I would try it. How do you even eat that? Like, you'd have to eat it by itself. What, are you going to put sprinkles on it? No. What, are you going to put chocolate? Ew. Sprinkles. I love sprinkles. I love the little nonparellas. Is that what they're called? What's that? The little circle ones that are crunchy.
Or we do it for Ahmed's song, we don't tell him. Oh my God. He's like, yo, whatever song you've been going out to. Because he walks out to like. I don't even know. You know.
Oh, the chocolate ones. No. The tiny little... The tiny little balls. Oh, like on snow caps, basically? Yes, yes.
Because they get in my teeth. Yeah, and then you're an adult and get them out. Fucking Christ. I don't like them. You like the long, waxy ones? What's that? Like the, the, the, the, the like oval shape. Oh yeah. Like rainbow sprinkles, bro. Nah, those are, those are subpar. Yo, can I say something too? Chocolate sprinkles are like way worse than rainbow sprinkles.
Like rainbow sprinkles are way better. Rainbow sprinkles. Well, chocolate sprinkles, you get sprinkles sugar neat. Sugary. You get sugary, sprinkle sugary, and you get chocolate flavor. With rainbow sprinkles, you just get additional sugar. There's no rainbow flavor.
It is fun. Chocolate cookie. Crunchies, though. Crunchies? Not cookies. The ones that are in the Carvel cake. You know what I'm talking about? That they layer the Carvel cake with? Those are the best.
Yo, why don't we put that shit on top, too, bro? We put it everywhere. That's what I'm saying. There's ice cream places by me that has those as a topping. Dirt? Don't they call it dirt? No, that's like a whole separate thing. Dirt's good, though. Dirt? Well, like the dessert? Dessert. The cup of dirt? Dirt's pretty cool, too, but I'm not going to eat it. I'll be honest with you. Dirt smells good.
I would not eat it. Soil I would eat. What's the difference? That's a great question, too. What are those little white balls that are in soil, dude? I love those. Can you get them and you crunch them with your fingers? I know I'm not supposed to eat soil, but you've got these little white things in there that look like marshmallows.
He did like Not Like Us a couple times. Yeah. He did a Drake song once or twice. Yeah. But, like, imagine if, like, he's, like, ready to get hype. And then it's just like, ooh, ah, ooh, ah. That's what it was. A song like that.
Why do they make the things that will kill you if you eat them look so delicious? I don't think it'll kill you. I think it's like they hold water. Eat enough soil. Yeah, don't eat the whole earth.
You're dead, dude.
Yeah, dude. You can have a handful, though. Bro, eat a cup of soil. You're a goner.
Yes. I can put down a cup of soil. You're going to be in a world of trouble. No. Let's have this. Let's have an eating episode. What's wrong with soil? I just think that, like, it's, like, compost, which is, like, molded, not good, biodegraded food. Is it? And, like, I think there's shit in there, too. I can't eat soil. I can't eat soil. I've gotten soil in my mouth for sure.
Yeah, sure, you've gotten small amounts, but if you had a cup of soil... I could eat that. I'm not dying. Joey, you could eat it. You would be in pain. I don't think so. As long as there's no, like, big sticks in it. If... Ooh, what if we mix it with ice cream? Soil ice cream. I mean... I would eat that. I guess. I love soil, dude. What's your ultimate ice cream order?
You're going to make fun of me. Traditionally, I've said this.
You said it's Breyers Natural. You know what? Do you have no toppings? I've experimented a little bit. If you had to get your dream ice cream, it's no toppings? I've experimented a little bit. Here's where I've gone. You ready? There's an ice cream spot by me that makes the dumbest cherry vanilla I've ever had in my entire life. It has giant ass pieces of cherry in it. Ugh. So good.
That with those chocolate crunchies.
In a cup. I mean, I'll do cone too if we're getting nasty. Wait, what kind of cone though? The sugar cone. I like sugar cones. The waffle cones? Fuck you. Who likes those? I only like waffle cones if they're going to stick it in the side of my cup. Huh? You know how, like, you get a cup and they put, like, a little piece of waffle? Oh, where it, like, lines the cup with a... Yeah.
Yeah, dude. Love your girl, little mama so fly. Love your girl, radio killer. Yeah, you remember?
No, but those are crunchy. Like, I'm talking the waffle cones that, like, once the ice cream melts a little, they get, like, soft and chewy. You know which ones I'm looking like? The ones that look like it's, like, a... Sugar cones are the best. I love sugar cones. Sugar cones are so good. The ones that they, like, dip in chocolate and, like, sprinkles? I've never had any of that, you whore.
I get... Fuck it, I'm into it. So, wait, no sauce? Caramel, maybe. I'm not like hot fudge. I'm okay on hot fudge. You're sacrificing the integrity of your ice cream. You're literally adding heat to it. I'll tell you what I fucking hate. Oh, I'm going to love this. The people that dip it in that magic shell, like the red magic shell, and it comes out and it gets hard. The cherry dip?
I used to order that. Fuck you, bro. There was a summer when I was like 11. I was like, yo, give me the cherry dip.
This would be great. We should get him every single show. Just do a different song. We should do it. But, like, what song? Like, what would be a good song? Some whack-ass, like. It could be, like. Not hype song. The chicken dance. Da-na-na-na-na-na-na. Da-na-na-na-na-na-na. Da-na-na-na-na-na-na. That's a good one. Or... Like an actual song that he would pick. Sarah McLachlan.
I just like that it chipped, and it added this crunchy element. Oh, but that's why I get those little balls. I know. Ooh, you ever do a double? You know you get ice cream and it's like two of them? Oh, no, I'm not double. What am I doing? This is like some probably Illuminati shit. It looks like it's a weird looking one because I know what you're talking about.
It has like the two spots and it's just like a pitchfork. Bro, and I would go to this guy, I'd be like, bro. If I had enough money for it, I'd be like, just give me two vanilla with rainbow sprinkles.
I also hated the people that got, like, the cherry dip and stuff because they were always, like, $2.50 compared to the $1 ice cream cone. And I was just like, you rich bastard. Yeah, like, take it easy.
Yo, also, if you had money for the ice cream truck and you got, likeβ A snow cone or some shit? I should slap you, dude. Don't you dare speak disrespectfully. My nephew got a snow cone. I was like, bro. Dude, don't you dare speak disrespectfully of snow cones. Whack. Frankie. Whack. My nephew's birthday was recently. And my brother got like a Mr. Softee to pull up and like whatever.
No. The cookies and the ice cream? The only acceptable form of an ice cream sandwich is the one that has the chocolate on the butt and the top. The long one that has the buttons in it. You know what I'm talking about. I have those in my freezer as we speak. And I know how Joe used to eat them. I know exactly how Joe used to eat them. He used to lick around the side like a freak, dude.
He would hold this thing and he would... And this dude was a whore. Hey, he still is. He still is a whore. Because I'm on my fucking couch just like... Oh, God. You're just licking the pussy at his ice cream sandwich. I really am, honestly. That's crazy. Good for you. It really is the way to eat it, though. But then I don't go.
The way to eat it is I'm. No, it's boring. This shit is over within like two seconds. It's great. So you lick, you suck all the cream out of that thing.
I leave some and then I start biting. This is getting crazy now.
Even I'll admit that one sounded wild.
There's parts of the internet that are watching that are just like, keep going, Joe. Keep fighting. Yeah, but then I mean, you just eat it. That's like, you know. You know my ice cream truck orders. Priority, Tweety Bird, Ninja Turtle, or Bugs Bunny. Have you ever gotten a banana split from one? No. Who do you think I was? Warren Buffett? Come on. Those were like five bucks back in the day.
Remember? Yo, milkshakes. I used to get milkshakes and then I would be hurting for like a year. I spilled a milkshake in my dad's brand new truck and he never found out. Where did you spill it? Under the seat. The front seat? Back seat. Never found out. Really? Yeah. And he won't now because he doesn't watch the show and we're an hour and ten in, baby. He ain't watching now.
The lights are going crazy.
We could be ten in. He ain't watching that. So it don't matter. But wow, that's fucked up. You didn't even pay for it.
uh those i remember those were like four bucks and everything else was like a dollar and then one day this dude pulled up and milkshakes were like eight bucks i was like what do you think this is we can track the trajectory of our nation and its greatness by what has happened to ice cream prices yeah when ice cream trucks would pull up and they were at the most expensive thing on there two dollars and you knew that the drivers were slinging bricks of coke out of them oh
In the arms of me. But he'd come off and he'd get pissed off. He'd be like... 100%. It's tough. It's fucked up. Your set starts at 10 minutes. I needed like an actual song that he would walk onto. And then you would redo it? Yeah. It'd be a toughie. I think it'd be really funny though. It'd be funny. Not as funny as me getting...
What do you think he's going to pick? Margarita. Yeah. It comes in a shaker now. Those are great. That's cool. You noticed that the last time I went out. I did. I was there with you. Bump. That's all I got.
Anyway, guys, thank you so much for watching all the way through. We're going to reiterate, again, go to TheBasementYard.com. Get yourself some tickets to the live shows. It's going to be a lot of fun. We're very excited to get out there on the road. And it's always a party. It's always a great time at the show. So come through.
And if you already have your tickets, we appreciate you, and we'll see you out there. And also go to TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Be a part of the show. All right? Fill it out. Let us know. And, yeah, we'll see you. Frank, where are you going to be? they'll find me at the basement yard shows. They'll find them at the basement yard shows. That's where we're going to be. You understand?
Anyway, that's all for this week's episode. What is this show? I don't know what the title is. Yeah, I don't know. We're going to title this. All right. Let's, let's, let's do it here. Let's flip all these. Now we'll spit. We'll title this, uh, uh, Bon Voyage porn. With a question mark? Can't do porn. You can't write porn in a title.
Bad for the SEO. How about bye-bye-bye to sex? I don't know. Yeah. And it could be us as the marionette. What else did we talk about? What was the beginning of this? Your dog once again crapping its pants.
Is that clickbait? I don't think people care about that. It's like the heaviest mug in the world. It's like, cool. And the title, it should be like, what's going to happen next? And it's our face. We'll put Mr. Beast in the corner.
With his dead eyes. Go check it out. We love you guys.
A front row seat to the greatest interaction I've ever seen in my life. I was so proud of my dog this morning. Oh. Frank. One of the greatest. Charlie did good.
Yeah, dude. This is great. There's a bootleg-ass Neo, though. Neo's stuck around because. Fedoras. They keep them in. I think the Dream War of Fedora. Remember when it was like a huge deal that like, yo, Neo took the fedora off. He's bald. I don't remember that. You don't know that? I remember. See, this is something that I'm glad you brought up. Neo being bald? The fedoras. Oh, I'm not. You are.
He did good boy. Listen to the morning that my dog had. My dog goes outside. Yep. Any of this involve bodily fluids. Frank. Of course. Oh. Of course it does.
Here's what this dog does, right? I take my dog out for a walk this morning. There's a little white dog like around him and they're sniffing and blah, blah, blah. They're sniffing the same tree. I hate little dogs. My dog lifts his leg.
and is peeing and then the white dog gets in the stream gets pissed on my dog has pee that's like radioactive it's yellow as yellow as hell and like then it's a clear streak and i was like oh my god i'm so sorry and she goes it's okay whatever the owner then he walks over gets in a pooping position farts like a fat man and then diarrhea comes out the color of a timberland boot and
It was an electric morning.
It was insane, dude. Just gets down, pisses on a dog, walks over, farts, and then water fountain of shit. It was nuts. It was crazy.
That's the whole morning. Dude. Dude had a blowout. You've been there. You're a dad. With humans. Of humans. That's what I'm saying.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Before we started recording, Joey goes... Before you ask, by the way, I put the bag on my hand and I walked over and I went to the air. I was like...
That's a great question. What do you do if your dog like spray shits? That's just a part of the earth now. Like what am I going to get? A fucking turkey baster and pick it up? Oh God. Fuck. I can't do that. I just walk away. That's disgusting. I go over and I make it seem like I'm picking something up. So I'm like. I mean, at least, yeah, at least show the effort.
I mean, you know, the mens rea there is the idea that, like, you're trying. Like, you didn't have the wrongful mind. I get it. I hear what you're saying. I didn't want anyone who's looking at me from, like, a balcony or something being like, this guy didn't even make it.
Now you're, you know, our show is popular. People know you anytime you go out. What if someone sees, like, oh, my God, Joe Sinigata. He didn't pick up his dog shit. Yeah, I gotta get over there. He didn't pick up... Bro, you'd be done for. Yeah. Then you'd be known as Joe Santagato, podcaster, male model, slash not picker-upper of shitter. I also complain about that a lot for other people.
Like, I don't like... Yeah, you can't be part of the problem. No, I can't. But, I mean, if it's... I'm pretty sure... I can't do anything about that. Gandhi said, be the change you want to see in the world. He was specifically... I thought that was Will Smith. ...mentioning... People that don't pick up their dog shit. I mean, he probably wasn't not.
I mean, it's a very universal, it's a blanket statement. It could mean anything. So it could be about, you know, philanthropic work. It could be about, you know, just being kind human beings, loving, passionate, compassionate, empathetic. And then your dog absolutely just painting the fucking sidewalk brown. It was a grass patch, but he also painted that dog with radioactive yellow piss.
It was crazy. How does that owner let that dog get there? Like, was he on or off the leash? Bro, if I saw a dog pissing, my dog's going there. I'm pulling the reins. Well, they were both just, like, interacting. And, like, I take them off the leash. And, like, usually people around there do because it's, like, off the street.
So it's, like, they would have to just take off in order to get to the street. So they let dogs interact and stuff like that. Bro, that dog takes off. It's gone. Your dog. My dog? Yeah, no. He's not going anywhere, though. He's got too much anxiety. Yeah. Yeah.
My sensitive stomach. I can't run too much. Well, yeah. I mean. It's sensitive, all right.
Here's the thing. Anytime you bring up this dog on this show. His stomach is a Pisces. Just like me. Sensitive. Yo. Thank you for laughing. We've said some dumb things on this show. That's by far my least favorite thing you've ever said. The horoscope? Yeah. What's the difference between a horoscope and a zodiac? I think the horoscope is like the messaging that goes along with the zodiac sign.
I thought there were different signs. Well, no. I think the zodiac is the sign. And then the horoscope is just like, today a Pisces is going to show their real power. And it's like, okay. You're going to meet someone and you just got to be open to receiving what you are meant to receive. Because otherwise you won't. Look, if you're into it, I support you. Do your thing. But just like...
I'm not talking. We're gonna. Fedoras were like a thing at one point. And then, no, no, no, not just me. Do you? They were across the globe a thing. Like, people were wearing fedoras like... With old Cuban men in Miami. No, Jason Mraz was doing it. Oh, and yeah, them. Like, Ashley Tisdale, you know? Like, Ashley Tisdale. And then, like, also, like, Lumineers. People who dress like Lumineers. Yes.
If and I'm pretty sure we've brought this up before but like if you meet someone new and they don't ask their sign within If you're listen, I'm gonna give you guys here we go dating advice with Frank. Here we go. Okay Take it from me. I Don't know how I secured my wife. I didn't secure her. She's not my possession Maybe she is I don't know I Don't write the law Maybe she is. I have no idea.
But... If you're... If you are into horoscopes... Yeah. You don't bring it up until... Third date. Third date. If I'm on a... Bro, if I'm on a first date with someone... And they want to know your horoscope. And they're like immediately like, what are you? I'm like... Hispanic? Yeah. Like, what? Either way you're asking, I don't like here. But, like, if they're just like, you're Leo, ugh.
Like, whatever, there's no, like, I just, at a first impression, I think, like, it's a little intense. Is Becca into horoscopes? I feel like she would be. Um, not really. I mean, like, I think, like, super passively.
Like, if she read something and she's like, oh, that's interesting, but, like, she's not going to, like, on a daily occurrence read it. I'll be honest with you about this, right? When it comes to horoscopes or whatever the fuck, I'm like, this is obviously a crock of shit. But then, when they fit? When they fit to like, ooh, Pisces, they're creative. I'm like, okay, that's vague.
And they're very sensitive. And I'm like, what the hell?
What the fuck?
The reason I hate it is because and I don't hate it. I don't want to say that it's a bit strong The reason I really really really just like it. Yeah is I remember any time I've met someone that's into it and they find out I'm a Leo It's a giant reaction from them. They're just like oh
oh yeah oh yeah yeah i'm just like take it back with the oh yeah now you know you just hit him with that roar bro did someone ask you to just roar their face do you remember yeah right do you remember this was like 2015 which is 10 years ago isn't that crazy oh my god yeah it's a decade isn't that crazy isn't that bananas bro 2020 was five years ago That's insane.
So do you remember when we went out to McCann's and I just like struck up a conversation with a girl at the bar and she was like, Reading my energy. Do you remember that? Wait, was this like an old woman? No, she was a younger woman. Oh. But like, then she was like, I'm going to read you my poetry. Now I remember. Do you remember that?
Bro, we were sitting and like, it was not like a conversation like, oh, let me go get this girl at the bar. That was, you know, that me, that was never my like approach. Right. But she was like, at one point in conversation, she was like, um, Do you mind? I'm like, mind what? She's like, just like, do you mind just putting your hand out like this? And I was like, like that? She's like, yeah.
I was like, okay. And she goes, I was like, what was that? She's like, I'm reading your energy. And then I fully bought in. I was just like, did you feel it? You know, just like I started something.
Exactly. Like, the band Fun. And then you. I'm just saying, like, people look back on it and now fedoras have come to a place where they are a joke. Where it's like, m'lady, you know, like, you know, hmm. You know, like a Redditor. I think if I'm looking at a fedora, I don't think they're that bad. I think it's like when it's the accessory to the rest of the outfit, it's like, what are we doing?
Frank Frank was back. Yeah. I mean, an opportunity like that presents itself. And then I have like, I don't think I have it, but like I had. the conversation, like in our group chat, I told you guys about like what she said, what she was saying. And she was like, do you mind if I read you my poetry? And she was a pretty intense first meeting, bro. But like, that's what I'm saying.
If you're into it, good for you. I support you. It's your thing. Have it. To yourself. Yeah. Wait until a couple dates in to introduce it. Dude, do you remember? This is all so funny because this happened at bars that we would go to when we were underage. McCann's, by the way, which was- RIP. It's gone. But also, the last place you would expect someone to read your energy.
Oh God. I gotta be honest with you. The moment we like as a society, because everything, whatever is old becomes new again. I mean, look at what happened with like vinyls. Vinyls came back in a big way. Baggy pants. When flip phones start coming back into the stratosphere, I am going to fucking just emotionally charged hang up on people all the time. Even in the middle of like a kind...
Ein wunderschΓΆner GesprΓ€ch. Sie sagen jemandem, der was zu tun hat.
Oh mein Gott. Ich brauche einen Payphone, damit ich einen ausfΓΌllen kann und den Fucken ausfΓΌllen kann. Wir haben schon darΓΌber gesprochen, dass wir in einen neuen Studio in Transition sind. Sollten wir einen Payphone bekommen? Du hast mir gesagt, naja, sicher. Aber du hast mir auch gesagt, dass ein Relikt von letzten Episoden zurΓΌckkommen kΓΆnnte. Vielleicht. People might be excited about that.
That thing is gonna get beaten into oblivion if it does. Tell someone who gives a fuck translates to perhaps you should check in with whoever. Whoever the fuck cares. Then ask me if I give a fuck. Which translates to of course I'm concerned.
Wait, ask me if I give a fuck. Ask me if I give a fuck. But that doesn't line up.
Of course I'm concerned is like confirming that you're upset about something. Or ask me if I give a fuck. You're basically saying, I don't care. That doesn't make sense. When did the Air Force become no fun?
Yo, there is someone. I hope this is real.
Das Lied sagt einfach nur, nimm die ScheiΓe. Oh. Nimm die ScheiΓe wird zu, du sagst nicht. Das ist nicht, das ist nicht, was diese zwei Dinge bedeuten, Herr Air Force. NΓ€chster Satz. Nimm die ScheiΓe und sterbe. Du sagst nicht, bitte tΓΆtet euch. Es sagt einfach nur, Entschuldigung. Dann sagt es, nimm die ScheiΓe und sterbe, Motherfucker.
Schub es dir auf den Arsch. Dieser Job ist schrecklich. Es gibt keinen Grund, dass das wahr ist. Es gibt absolut keinen Grund.
Schnauze dich selbst. WeiΓt du, wie schlecht ich wΓΌnsche, Another fucking meeting Another fucking meeting What would you do if you were a professional in the workplace and you got a memo with all this stuff on it? Printed out, immediately sent to the group chat.
Dude, one of my favorite moments when I worked in college was we had to do, I think I've told this story before, but just in case I'm going to tell it again.
We had to do like conduct hearings where like if people were in like an argument or something or like someone got, you know, like written up for violating something, depending on the severity of whatever it was, we had to hand out the punishment. There was one where it was like a full hearing and someone had to read the text messages and the person had printed and framed the text message.
Wow, that's fire. And like, this serious room of someone having to read this to a room of people. This is not right. Have you ever called someone a cunt? I'm sure I have. Why are you sure of that? I mean, I'm sure I have. You're a cunt. You've done that? Maybe not to their face. Maybe just like, oh, that person's a cunt. But it feels bad. Cunt is so sharp.
You could cut right through a conversation. It really can.
It feels like... In 30 Jahren werden wir uns daran erinnern und sagen, wir haben das gesagt. WeiΓt du, was ich meine? Es ist wie wenn du eine Waffe in die Luft schieΓt. Du denkst nicht wirklich darΓΌber nach, aber es muss runterkommen.
Yeah, I quite... Do people die like that all the time? There have been instances. Mythbusters covered that in an episode where like someone just like randomly shot in the air because it goes up and then it comes down. Hard. Just as fast. Also, is it true if I throw a coin off the Empire State Building, like I'm gonna kill a motherfucker? No, but... Das ist ziemlich cool.
Ich habe gehΓΆrt, wenn jemand eine Karte schieΓt, wird es durch deine Hand gehen. Ich habe gehΓΆrt, es wird durch den Topf deines Herzens gehen und dich in die Hand drehen. Ja, ja, ja, ja. Ich dachte, verdammt. Das wΓ€re ziemlich cool. Ich meine, nicht sterben, offensichtlich.
Nicht die sterbende Partie davon. Richtig. Aber, ich meine, wie hat niemand nur einen Bucket von Karten auf dem Topf der Empire State Building geschossen? Es ist schockierend, dass niemand das gemacht hat. Ich sage es. Wir haben Leute, die in der Mitte der Stadt geschossen werden. Ja. Karten auf dem Topf der Empire State Building. Das scheint ein No-Brainer.
I mean to throw a coin. I'm sure they have cameras up there. I don't want to speculate.
Don't throw coins. I'm sure there's a ton of cameras up there that people would see it immediately. I think there's not a lot of change left in the city. You know what I mean? No one has coins. I'm okay with that, dude.
I fucking hate coins. Coins are weird. I don't even like cash. I do like multiple coins. Du magst schΓ€kende Coins? Ich mag schΓ€kende Coins. Okay. Aber sobald es nur eine oder zwei Coins gibt... Was ist dein Lieblingscoin? Halbe Dollar. Das ist eine coole Coin. Das ist eine tolle. Ich habe noch eine von den 60ern. Gold-Dollar. Die Dollar-Coins?
Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020 Hm. Ja. Don't worry, it's real funny.
War das Harriet Tubman auf dieser? Ich glaube, es war... Ich wΓΌrde sagen Sigourney Weaver, aber das ist nicht wahr. Es ist nicht Sigourney Weaver. Sigourney Truth, glaube ich. Ich bin mir ziemlich sicher, dass es Harriet Tubman ist. Das kΓΆnnte es sein. Wir sollten es kurz machen. Oder wer war der andere? Ich denke, es ist Tubman. Nein, nein, nein. Ich denke, es war jemand anderes.
Ich denke, es war jemand anderes. Und es wird mich beeinflussen. Es wird mich beeinflussen. Golden Dollar Coin. Nein, der halbe Dollar ist wie einer der fucking PrΓ€sidenten. Es war RFK. Sacagawea. Ich wusste es. Was? Ja, Alter. Der vordere Seite des Golden Dollar Coins wurde von Sculptor designiert. Wait, so Tubbs is on something. I don't think Tubbs is on anything. What?
Dude, an original from year 2000. I remember this. Like pre-owned on eBay. It's going for like 1600 bucks. Wow. I mean, there's also other ones going for like $9. Someone is getting really crazy with that. Yeah, no, I knew it wasn't Harriet Tubman. Wow, I thought it was Harriet Tubman. Sacagawea. Du erinnerst dich, was sie gemacht hat, oder? Sie machte Sachen, sicher. Und du erinnerst dich? Nein.
Du erinnerst dich nicht? Sie war wie der Guide fΓΌr Lewis und Clark. Ah! Ja. Ja. Sie waren einfach so, was ist das? Und sie war so, es ist ein Rock. Und sie waren so, ich habe es, Sacka. Danke, Sacka. Danke, Sacka. Ja, ich meine, was fΓΌr eine interessante Sache. Erinnere dich an die ersten Menschen, die den Pazifischen Ozean gesehen haben. Same as the Atlantic. I would say half dollar, quarter.
Quarters are cool, bro. I fuck with dimes. I really fuck with dimes. Really? Yeah, I fuck with dimes. I don't care for dimes.
We can agree, the worst is a nickel. The wackest. The wackest and it's overly fat, dude. And what is that thing? Pennies I like because they're cool. But they make, they're like. Have you heard the conspiracy about pennies? No, what?
Where it's like they're the only one that's not silver because like they were mad at Abraham Lincoln for freeing the slaves and that's why he's facing another direction and shit like that. I don't know how true it is. I don't know how true it is, but it's possible. No, pennies are just like... I don't know. Whenever you have pennies, it's like they're stepped on, they're all fucked up.
Yeah, a penny to me is basically just like a pigeon. You know what I mean? Like, they're useless. They're rats. But, I will say... Rats. Ich wΓΌrde sagen, eine frische Pfanne ist da oben, weil sie so glΓ€nzend ist. Nicht nur sind sie glΓ€nzend, sondern sie sind einfach so... Das ist nicht wirklich... Woher kommt das her?
Hast du dir das vorgestellt? Ja, woher bekommen wir das? Wer setzt frische Pfannen da raus und sagt, geh, nimm Pfannen. Ja. Das macht keinen Sinn. Die Federal Reserve, glaube ich. Ich weiΓ, ich weiΓ, aber es macht keinen Sinn, oder? Dass sie es einfach printen kΓΆnnen? Sie kΓΆnnen einfach Pfannen bekommen. Wie viele Pfannen gibt es in der Welt, die nicht genutzt werden?
Like on the ground in a ditch. Did you think I was gonna have an answer to that? In the United States. I would say a whole bunch. Okay, give me a dollar amount. Not even just pennies. Okay. Just loose change out there. Lose change? Oh, all lose change.
Bro, lots. But how much, and I'm not saying within a person's like, they have it in like a water jug like your family did.
Here we go. Bang, this guy, big guy.
We? You wanna... Okay, Joey. Do you want to ask the question? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You guys are watching it in real time. You guys are watching this in real time. You're seeing how the sausage is made. Hello, here's our sausage. Here's our sausage. You want to see some sausage? Look over at Joe's camera. That's enough. Here's the sausage. Cut to Joe. Okay. Hey Joey, I have a question. You're not going to start it like that. Just ask me, how much... No, seriously.
How much loose change do you think there is in the United States? That's not like in a piggy bank or like a... Just on the ground. Yeah, just on the ground in the United States. Like maybe close to a million dollars. Get the fuck out of here.
A million dollars? People are walking around on the earth. I'm saying no, brother. No way.
I'm saying a hundred thousand max.
Max, dude. Frank. Max. There's a hundred thousand. I can find a hundred thousand dollars in coins in Central Park. No, no, no, no. No way, dude. A million dollars. Do you know how many coins you need? That's a lot. Frank, the country is vast. It's big. Forget about like... What about dollars? What about dollars? I was gonna say, just the gold coins. What gold coins? The gold dollars.
What about those? If we're just doing those, there needs to be a million. Oh, yeah. That's too much, brother. I know, but Frank, coins. Pennies, there needs to be a hundred times a million. Frank, but coins are never alone. Yes, they are. That's literally what they are known for, being just alone. No one gives one cent back. Maybe a quarter might be a loan, because that's a lot of money.
Give a penny, take a penny. No one does that. But also, why would you do that if you just need a penny? I don't get it. And you have a penny. Nothing happens with that exchange. I definitely think there's hundreds of thousands of dollars. I say $100,000, max $200,000. Denk an die Anzahl von... Vergesst einfach die Dollar-Anzahl. Denk an die Anzahl von Coins. that need to be around.
A hundred pennies in a dollar. Yeah. Times a million, brother. Right. A hundred million pennies just in the ground? Sure. No way. Frank. No way. And we're not talking like pennies from like 1901 that are like more valuable because they use this alloy.
No way. People are out there with metal detectors finding pennies and dimes and quarters all the time. At the beach. How much money do you think is in the fucking ocean? Whoa, dude. I didn't even think the beach.
I didn't think the beach. There's probably tons of money at the beach. The beach and like just like other stuff too. Alright. United States. Continental United States. So not Hawaii. If you give me Hawaii. But from grass to grass. Fuck the ocean and the beach. Okay, okay. I think $200,000 max. I think there's more. What do they got up in Alaska? They got bear meat, wolverines and bones.
I was just saying, like, it was funny because he was just like, no, we were actually in love. So like, maybe the reason I was so excited to go to my fourth grade teacher's wedding is because I thought like, maybe I'll... Oh, du dachtest, dass ich ihre eigene Geburt stoppe.
They don't have any change up there lying around. They're a society, Frank. I know they are, but most of them aren't. That's what I'm saying. Most of Alaska is not. It's just bears, dude. Bears and snow. Probs. Wie viel Geld glaubst du, ist im Ozean? Und ich meine nicht nur... Ich meine nicht nur Geld und Tender. Ich meine... Tender? Geld und Tender.
Ich meine... Jemand hat einen Rolex in den Ozean gedroht. Bro, es gibt wahrscheinlich so viel davon. Wirklich? Ja. Wahnsinnig, oder? Guck dir das an. Guck dir das an, wie viel Geld oder wie viele Dinge hinter den Klubs geblieben sind. Oh Gott. Erinnerst du dich daran? Es gab ein Nachtclub in unserem GebΓ€ude, als ich alt war, namens Remy. Ja.
Manche Menschen erinnern sich daran, manche wahrscheinlich nicht. Die meisten Menschen nicht. 99,5% nicht. Geh' weiter. Es gab ein Nachtclub in Astoria namens Remy. Und ich erinnere mich immer, als ich auf der 45. StraΓe ging, Richtung 23er StraΓe von Dittmars, und in die Fenster zu schauen und zu sehen, wie viele krustige Dollarbillen hinter den Benzen fallen, die einfach in die Fenster liegen.
Und ich habe mir immer gedacht, es muss etwa 30 Dollar drin sein. Was damals eine Woche lang SpaΓ haben haben kΓΆnnte. Jetzt ist das kein verdammtes Ding. Aber hast du das jemals gesehen? Nein, ich weiΓ nicht, worΓΌber du sprichst, aber ich schΓ€tze, dass das immer passiert. Es gibt Geld und ScheiΓ hinter sich.
Ich wΓΌnschte wirklich, dass jemand mich aufhΓΆren wΓΌrde und gesagt hΓ€tte, ich habe eine Menge Treue gebΓΌgt. Ich will wirklich Treue finden. Frank. Keiner wird dich aufhΓΆren. Glaubst du, Treue existiert? NatΓΌrlich. Und ich spreche nicht von... Wir sprechen hier von Davy Jones' Locker. Treue.
Ich dachte, das wΓ€re die tiefe blaue See. Nein, Davy Jones Locker, ich glaube, es war nur ein Ort. Ich dachte, es war wie ein Ausdruck von, du wirst im Ozean sterben. Na, das ist wahrscheinlich von dort, wo du es hattest, von Spongebob. Aber Davy Jones Locker ist... Hab ich dir gesagt, als ich an Fire Island war, dass ein Mann... Was? Du hast recht. Richtig? Es ist ein Ausdruck.
Ich musste die TΓΌren ΓΆffnen. Ich wΓΌrde nur meine Hand wie ein Student ΓΆffnen. Oh, ja. Ich fΓΌhle mich, als ob du... Machen sie das bei Geburtstagen noch?
Es ist ein Ausdruck, der zu dem Boden des Sees geht, der als die Grave derjenigen ist, die am Meer sterben. Davy Jones Locker. Ich dachte, es wΓ€re ein Ort fΓΌr Geister. Technisch.
Nein, das ist nicht so, wie es funktioniert, Bruder. Ich mag Freddy. Worauf bist du aufgeregt? Ich weiΓ nicht, ob ich dir das gesagt habe, aber als ich auf der Feuer-Insel war, waren wir so weit weg, weil es keine Autos auf der Insel gab. Und ich war so, Bro, ich bin einfach so, was auch immer. Und dieser Junge fΓ€hrt auf einem Golfkart.
Und ich habe nur gejagt und er hat gesagt, oh, du wirst uns alle eine Reise geben. Und er schlΓ€gt auf die Bremsen und er ist so, ja, fang an. Und ich war so, wirklich? Und er ist so, ja. Also fangen wir an. Das ist das Beste. Ich liebe Interaktionen wie diese.
UngefΓ€hrlich, ja. WeiΓt du, wenn der Junge auf dem Treppen fΓ€hrt und da ist dieser Junge, der nicht wohnen will? Ja. Vaguely, yeah. He was like that.
Und ich habe gesagt, was meinst du? Und er hat gesagt, es ist da. Das ist, wo es ist. Und ich bin so, was hast du denn gesagt? Hast du jemals Fakten geschaut, wo es ist? Hab ich Fakten geschaut? Ich dachte, der Kerl war ein Geist, Frank. Ich dachte nicht, er war echt. Ehrlich gesagt, du hΓ€ttest vielleicht darΓΌber gesprochen. Wahrscheinlich. Ich dachte, es war ein alter Fischermann-Geist.
Es sagt einfach...
Es sagt einfach nur, dass es am Boden der See ist. Ich meine, technisch gesagt, war er nicht falsch. Ja, ich glaube, ich glaube. Technisch gesagt, er ist so, wenn du unter dieser Insel gehst, die wir sind. Er hat es Π±ΡΠΊΠ²al zu einem bestimmten Haus gedrΓΌckt. Er hat gesagt, unter dieser Insel. Du gehst runter, das ist Davy Jones' Locker. Und ich war so, das ist ein bisschen krass, aber.
Kann man unter einer Insel gehen? Do the ads first. Oh my god, yeah, we do have ads to get to here. That's gonna ruin me for like a year. Okay, we do have ads. The first one being Rocket Money. Rocket Money is going to put the money back in your pocket by finding and cancelling unwanted subscriptions, okay? We've all done it, alright?
You sign up for a free trial or you're buying something, you're using the service for a couple of months and then you don't use it and then a year goes by and you're like, I probably should have cancelled that a long time ago. Up to $740 a year when they're using all of the apps features. Das ist viel. Okay? WΓΌrdest du lieber $740 in deinem Bag in deinem Pocket haben?
Ich weiΓ, dass ich das wΓΌrde. Okay? Also, auch wenn du denkst, dass du sehr finanziell verantwortlich bist, denke ich, dass das ein guter Tool ist, um sicherzustellen, dass du nichts spart, was du dein Geld nicht spart, was du nicht spart. Also, kanceliere deine Subscriptions und erreiche deine finanziellen Ziele schneller mit Rocket Money. Gehe zu rocketmoney.com slash basement heute. Okay?
Das ist rocketmoney.com slash basement. Geh das Geld zurΓΌck in deine Pockets.
Okay, and we also have SeatGeek, SeatGeek is where I get all my tickets, okay, the NFL, MLB, NHL seasons are in full swing, I just went to an NHL game, alright, it was lovely, bought the tickets with SeatGeek, okay, that's what I do, I love SeatGeek, I've been using them for years, I like their interface, I like that they tell you if it's a good price for the ticket or a bad price for the ticket, depending on which color it is.
In der Vergangenheit, wenn wir das gemacht haben, war es so, dass man nur, wenn man das erste Mal benutzt hat, Geld auszahlen kann. Jetzt mit SeatGeek, wer eine SeatGeek App hat, kann 15% aus deiner nΓ€chsten Anlage sparen. All you have to do is use the code JOE15 at checkout.
Und weiΓt du was? Wenn du nicht in den Mitte des Dezember ein FuΓballspiel gehen mΓΆchtest, dann geh doch zu patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Leute, wie wir schon gesagt haben, sind wir auf Patreon und in einigen Episoden hier in Transition zu einem neuen Studio. Und eine groΓe Grund, warum wir das tun kΓΆnnen, ist, weil die Liebe und UnterstΓΌtzung, die ihr uns auf Patreon geboten habt.
Ich muss ehrlich sein, ich habe die Weddings, die ich in den letzten Jahren gemacht habe, nicht gehΓΆrt. Ich auch nicht. Aber ich wundere mich, und ich bin sicher, dass jemand in den Kommentaren uns diese Geschichte erzΓ€hlen wird. Ich wundere mich, ob die Leute tatsΓ€chlich abgeklagt haben und nicht fΓΌr einen dummen Grund. You know, like, I object. I love, you know, like a joke. Like, you got it.
Also, vielen Dank, Leute. Es ist wirklich, wirklich monumentell, dass ihr uns die MΓΆglichkeit gegeben habt, euch zu lachen und zu lachen und all diese lustige Dinge zu machen. Und jetzt, mit dem neuen Studio, bekommen wir die MΓΆglichkeit, das zu tun und euch mehr von dem zu geben, was ihr liebt, was wir, glaube ich, vielleicht, mΓΆglicherweise sind.
Also, geht auf patreon.com slash TheBasementYard, wenn ihr noch nicht eingeladen habt und fΓΌr das erste Tier eingeladen habt und ihr habt diese wΓΆchentlichen Episoden eine Woche vor. Und dann das zweite Tier, ihr habt exklusive Episoden jeden Freitag. Alles klar?
Es ist ein guter Zeitpunkt, wenn ihr nach dem letzten Minute-Gift sucht, um TheBasementYard oder Santagato Studios' Lieber in eurer Leben zu geben. Gebt ihnen ein Geschenk an Patreon. Das ist ein sΓΌΓes Geschenk. Also macht es. Patreon.com. Danke euch so viel fΓΌr all die Liebe. Weiteres Wachstum. Wir freuen uns. Und wir sind gespannt. TschΓΌss. Warum bin ich TschΓΌss? Ich weiΓ es nicht. Aber. Also.
HΓΆrt mich an. Das ist ein groΓer Wasser-Themed-Episode. Es ist. Okay. Was ich nicht hasse. Aber ich mag es nicht. Richtig. Die Ozean f***t mich an. Ja. Kannst du unter einer Insel gehen? Wie schwimmen unter einer Insel? Wie schwimmen unter. Wie. Vielleicht nicht Hawaii, weil ich weiΓ, dass das alle Volkanen und ScheiΓe sind. Aber denken wir an eine Insel im Mittelpunkt des Ozeans. Bora Bora. Klar.
Richtig? Ja. Okay. Ist es wie eine fliegende Insel? Siehst du? Oder kannst du unten hin? Ich werde ehrlich mit dir sein. Ja. Warum sollten wir das tun? Das wΓ€re cool. Okay, zwei Dinge. Ich meine, nicht ich. Ich hasse Unterwasser. Ich wollte sagen, zwei Dinge. Ich habe nie versucht. Nein, ja, okay. Aber...
The mantle, that's it, that's it. I think it's just volcanoes, that's what Hawaii is, it's volcanoes.
Long Island is not a volcano. Isn't it? No. I mean, there are parts of it that certainly... suck. Like volcanoes do. But I don't think... I think some of them are just like they broke off. Or like there was space in between and then it just got flooded because of the rising tides.
Long Island, I guess, if you consider that. It's connected to the gods. Yeah, I mean... Nein, nein, nein. Technisch ja, aber nicht fΓΌr den Zweck dieses Arguments.
Mykonos, that's a crazy... You've been to the two gayest islands. You've been to Mykonos and Fire Island. Those are very well-known gay attractions.
Ich habe es dir gesagt, als wir mit Pete verabredet waren. Die Jungs lieben Pete. Das war toll. Ich dachte, Pete... Sie sind die Kinder und er ist der Candy Store.
Er nimmt sein Shirt an und ich denke, du weiΓt, was du tust. Er liebt es. Er mag es, wenn er es liebt. Er liebt es, wenn er es liebt. Aber... ScheiΓe. Oh, ich bin in Azores gegangen. In Portugal. Ja, in Portugal. Es ist so ein seltsames GefΓΌhl.
Like a legit, like, no. Like, I don't think this should go through. I mean, see, I don't want this to happen at a wedding that I'd actually be at. I do. Aber ich will nicht, dass das jemandem passiert, den ich kenne.
Es ist wirklich seltsam. Wirklich? Ich kann es nicht, weil ich nichts, aber Wasser sehe und es mich verdammt. Oh, ja, ja. Also, wie du weiΓt, diese Reisen, die du gemacht hast, wie und ich weiΓ, als du zu dir gingst, wie du deine Reisen zu und von Europa gebucht hast, basierend auf Red Eye-Flights. Das ist der einzige Weg, wie ich es machen wΓΌrde, weil ich so furchtbar wΓ€re, wenn ich sehen wΓΌrde,
Nothing. Dude, I saw something recently, where it was just like, this spot on the planet, you're closer to astronauts than you are to any human on the planet. And I was like, that's crazy. I couldn't, that concept fucking ruins me. Yeah, when I was, when we were there, and the island's like a normal place, like there's like, you know, whatever, but the idea that I would like,
Aber das Inverse, Gott sei Dank, da war eine Zombie-Emergenz oder so etwas, das ist ein Ort, wo man sein mΓΆchte. Klar. Weil die Insel ist eine finite Menge von Raum. Es gibt eine sehr finite Menge von Menschen darin. Du kΓΆnntest sie alle tΓΆten, wenn du willst. Wenn es Zombies waren, das meine ich. Wie groΓ war Azores? This island specifically was... I think you can get to the other side.
I think there's like 100,000 people who live there. You can get to the other side very quickly. You can kill 100,000 zombies. With enough ammo, yeah. Nein, ich habe es nicht. Ich habe es nicht.
I've swung axes a couple of times, not a hundred times. They scare me though.
You have to go like that. We went to an axe throwing place. Yeah, I almost died that night. Oh, you were sick, right? Mad sick. Yeah, okay. That was seven years apart. Yeah, I wonder what the liability insurance for a fucking axe-throwing bar is. It's so stupid. Es ist nicht nur dumm, es ist dumm. Es ist... WeiΓt du? Es ist nicht nur dumm, es ist auch dumm. Aber es gibt eine Unterschiede.
Wie ist das? Wie ist das? Ja. Du weiΓt, dass ich wirklich stressig bin, wie business-mΓ€Γig ichζθΏ bin. Was, wenn es ein Service ist? dass du jemanden anrufen kannst, der dir an deinem Geburtstag abgibt, wenn du es nicht durchfΓΌhren willst, aber du bist einfach zufrieden.
Es gibt eine Unterschiede. Dinge kΓΆnnen dumm sein, weil sie nicht wissen, wie schlimm sie sind. Dann, wenn du dumm bist, ist es so, dass du keine Wahrnehmung von der RealitΓ€t hast. Und nicht mich zu verletzen. Das ist von jemandem, der zu einem EcksthΓΆrer-Platz gekommen ist. Viel SpaΓ. Wir hatten SpaΓ. Und ich mag Gefahr. Nicht viel, aber ein bisschen. Du magst Gefahr? Das ist ΓΌberraschend.
Ich wΓΌrde dich nicht als gefΓ€hrlichen Mann nehmen. GefΓ€hrlich? Ja. Ich meine, nicht viel, aber... I mean, you definitely don't like danger.
I used to be a danger guy when I was more comfortable in the dark than I was in the light. Yeah, you were just lying about being dangerous back then. No. You being dangerous back then. At the lake, we did stuff that was dangerous, but like, not traditionally dangerous. Hide and seek? Uh...
Copyright right now. FΓΌr Santa Gatos Studios Video. Manhunt spielen? Wir machen einfach ein groΓes Manhunt-Game. Und wir legen GoPros auf uns alle. Wo? Wir kΓΆnnen irgendwo finden, wo man Manhunt-Games macht. In einem Warehouse oder so. Oder wir machen Hide and Seek in der neuen Studio. Wie? Okay.
33, 33, 32, 2, 2, 2.
Yo, wir werden 33 sein. Du hast es letztens aufgeschrieben und ich will nicht mehr darΓΌber sprechen. Das ist so schrecklich. Es ist ziemlich schrecklich.
Ja, ich habe nur gesagt, dass wir es hatten. Nein, nein, nein, eine andere Sache. Ich habe einen vorgeschlagen. Aber wie... Wir sind 32 Jahre alt, richtig? Aber ich fΓΌhle das nicht.
Wir sind zurΓΌck. Wir sind nicht wirklich irgendwo gegangen. In der Tat, wir haben uns diese Woche mehr gesehen, als wir normalerweise machen. Ja. Also, wir sind zurΓΌck zu ihnen. Wir sind zurΓΌck zu euch, Leute.
Ja, wenn ich mich erinnere, als ich 15 Jahre alt war, das war der Krux der Konversation, 15 Jahre alt zu sein und jemanden zu hΓΆren, der 33 ist, und zu sagen, wow, sie sind alt. Und dann ist es einfach so. In some ways feel like an 18 year old more than I do what I believed a 33 year old was. Yeah. You know what I mean? I also remember being younger and being like. Bro, that guy's like 23.
Like, I remember saying that. It was funny because, like, we would be, like, I don't know if this happened in your high school, but, like, I remember it was a thing that, like, there would be girls in our high school and I'd be, like, 17 years old. And she'd be, like, she's got a boyfriend. He's in college. He's 22. And I'm just, like, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. Ja, da ist was drin.
Es gab definitiv in meiner Hochschule MΓ€dchen, die nicht mehr in der Schule waren. Und ich weiΓ nicht, wie alt sie waren, aber das ist seltsam. Ich weiΓ nicht, was die LegalitΓ€t ist, wenn du in der Unterzeit startest und dann eine von den Leuten nur ein paar Jahre Γ€lter ist. Wie 18 und 17?
Also sag mal, du und ich werden verheiratet. Und ich will dich nicht verheiraten. Yeah, right. Fucking bitch. Yeah, right. Bitch, you'd want to marry the shit out of me. You'd be over there being like, oh no, I have to hire a service.
Ja, zum Beispiel, wenn du und dein Partner 16 Uhr startest und zusammenbleibst und jetzt ist einer 18 und der andere 17.
WeiΓt du, was ich meine? Ja, ich meine, ja, ich meine, ich denke, in den Augen des Gesetzes, dass du, du, du machst etwas. Ich weiΓ nicht, ich, ehrlich gesagt, ich, ich schΓ€tze. Dass da eine Art von Eltern involviert werden. Ich habe Geschichten gehΓΆrt, wo Eltern das nicht wollen, dass sie zusammen sind.
Es ist so lustig, dass wir sagen wΓΌrden, oh, das MΓ€dchen, die ein Kind in der Schule verliebt hat. Oh, ScheiΓe. Und es ist so, dass wir nicht... An dem Zeitpunkt waren wir einfach so, wow. Und jetzt, wenn ich mich zurΓΌckblicke, Γ€h. Ich erinnere mich ehrlich gesagt definitiv daran, dass ich in der Hochschule war und so Dinge so gehΓΆrt habe. Und ich dachte mir, das ist so verrΓΌckt.
Ich habe eine Frau gedatet, die ein Jahr Γ€lter war und ich war in der Hochschule und sie war nicht mehr in der Hochschule. Ein Jahr, das Jahr, denke ich, ist nicht verrΓΌckt. Ja, aber trotzdem, weiΓt du, was ich meine? Ich wusste auch, okay, hier gehen wir. Ich wusste, dass einer unserer Freunde eine Frau gedatet hat, die acht Jahre Γ€lter als uns war. Dann uns. Ja. Und... Also ist sie jetzt tot?
Ja. WeiΓ ich sie?
Fucking remember it. Yeah, you will. Interesting. Weird, weird. Have you seen the new fetish? Frank, you don't know how to transition.
I'm not a cop at all. What about those new cool drugs we're all smoking? Hold on, let me get to these ads, because we do have some more here. We have Squarespace. Hello, how are you doing, Squarespace? This is where you're going to want to build your website, okay?
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No, no, no, you're wrong. Don't fucking start me down this fucking road right now, bitch. Which road? The road of anger. Yeah. Anger road. Anger road. Rocky road. Rocky road. Overrated ice cream, by the way. Sorry, move forward. Yeah, no, we'll get back to that, but you're right. And like you can hire them as a service and they'll just show up to your wedding and object.
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Apparently there's a group of fetishists out there. Is that what they are? Are we still calling them freaks? I mean, I never called them freaks. That was him. They're into wet jeans. Oh, das ist eine gute Frage. Ich werde ehrlich sein, ich hoffe es nicht. Richtig. Wette Jeans klingt nicht gut.
Boah, ich wΓΌrde... Es gab einige Fahrradreise, wo ich der sexieste Mann auf der Welt wΓ€re, wenn sie in Pissjeans sind. Was ist das, ein Flex? Was willst du sagen? That you as a grown man piss your jeans frequently? Not frequently. It hasn't happened. I don't pee in my car anymore, Joey. I tell you this. New car, new rules. All alleged. New car, new rules, no piss.
It has happened once or twice on an emergency basis. But for the most part, I've gotten my piss under control. I love that you said that. It's only happened in emergencies. That means previously you were just doing it for fun. Wasn't it in emergencies like, I'll just do it here? No, no, no. That means before I was just trying to be efficient. You know, I've always spoken about this.
You like to be efficient. If I am nothing else, I am efficient. And covered in piss.
And you should be like, well, they objected. We need to take a break. Hold on, everyone chill. We need it. You know what? You bring up some really valid points.
You never know. Maybe they're into pee. I don't know. I mean, apparently. So you've pissed your wet jeans before? You have wet jeans? I have accidentally pissed. I got pissed on my jeans. Not like on purpose I'm pissing my jeans, dude. You ever accidentally pissed on your jeans? What kind of a monster do you think I am? I don't know. Okay. Hand Sanitizer doesn't stain your jeans?
I don't know if it's stained. Yeah.
Γl? Das ist nur Alkohol, Alter. Ich weiΓ es nicht. Es ist nicht Γl. Ich bin einfach nicht sicher. Ich meine, ich kriege nicht die Bade- und KΓΆrperwerke, die die Szenen in ihnen haben und so. Ich kriege nicht die, die ich nicht mag. Ich habe Purell, die medizinische Sache. Ich mag die, die die WΓ€nde haben. Was? Hast du jemals Hand sanitizer mit Balls drin?
And then just move on. Or just like, I'm so distracted. I can't right now. That could be. And we could, they can call them the wedding crashers. Du hast wahrscheinlich ein trademarktes... Wir sind okay, wir sind okay. Ja. Sag mir, das klingt nicht wie eine gute Idee. Ich meine, es gibt etwas da drauΓen, oder? Du kΓΆnntest auch nicht mit deiner Geburt durchgehen, wenn du es nicht fΓΌhlst.
Ich glaube, ich habe es, aber nicht groΓ genug, dass ich sage, guck dir diese Balls an. Ich meine, ich bin nicht wie... Es ist nicht wie Balls. Es ist wie kleine Balls. Hast du jemals die Gumm, die Balls haben? Diese sind gut. Ich liebe, wenn ich diese liebe. Was war das?
I am, honestly. No, I do love the gum with the little balls in it.
Oh. Und es hat Balls drin. Es hat Balls drin. Weil es gut fΓΌr, was heiΓt das? Exfoliating. Bang. Also es sind nicht Balls, sondern nur Grit. Es sind wie kleine Grit-Ball. Ich weiΓ nicht, was mit den Ads passiert, aber jedes Mal, wenn ich Dr. Squatch Soap bekomme, bekomme ich die, die mit Grit drin sind.
Ich mag Schmuck. Sie haben Harry Potter Soaps. Was ist das? Sie sind Harry Potter-themed Soaps. And it stinks like a snake? They have one for the four houses. I'll tell you this right now. Gryffindor smells great. Slytherin, really great. Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff? I'd rather bathe in shit. Okay? I just want to throw that out there. Not my favorite. Damn. Why, are they too perfumey?
One of them is like vanilla. Oh, I love that. It's too vanilla-y, though, or something like that. Okay. I didn't like it. And the other one, I don't remember. The other one, actually, if I remember, I think the Ravenclaw one didn't smell like anything to me. I hope they're not still a sponsor of the show.
Should we edit out the Dr. Squatch stuff? What? No, no, no. Are you sure? Yeah, we're fine. Alright. It's whatever. So, it's good. And we like it.
You just don't like two of the flavors. I just don't like two of the flavors. Because I'm eating them, honestly. I'll be honest with you. Yes. Don't. But soap looks delicious. Yeah, I'm big into, oh, there's two types of videos that I love on TikTok right now. Give me them, give me them right now.
Well, like, I hate that, like, I turn my volume down, because sometimes it's like people talking, and then they put those really cool videos next to them. Oh, yeah, they know what they're doing. Two of them, one when they're, like, scraping soap, and it's like a bunch of cubes. It's like they have a checkerboard pattern in it, and then they're just like, yeah, with a knife.
Oh, ich denke, ich weiΓ, ich denke, ich weiΓ. Ist es wie, wenn es wie Schleim ist, wie ein hartes Schleim und sie es in ihre HΓ€nde kracken?
Yeah, it's okay. I love it, dude. I do love those videos, though. Because I'm always like, this is how they got us. That's how they get you, you know what I mean? Because I don't care what else is in the video. I care about what this is. A lot of the times it'll be like people just like a callus and they're just like shaving it. Ah, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein.
Und ich bin so, das muss den Horsen schmerzen. Ich will nicht, dass er schwirrt. Nein, es ist Erleichterung. Und dann ist der Typ so, pressen und schwirren. Habt ihr jemals eine Infektion, wie... Das Schwirren? Ich meine, wenn du es ausgeschnitten hast oder etwas. Nein, nein. Immediate Erleichterung. Oh, das ist schΓΆn. Wegen der Druck. Ja.
Ich erinnere mich, was ich... Ich weiΓ nicht, ob ihr es von mir wisst. Ich schnauze manchmal meine NΓ€hme. Oh, ich weiΓ. Und als ich in der Schule war, habe ich ein StΓΌck von dem... Wo die NΓ€hme und die Haut zusammenkommen. Und es wurde infiziert. Und mein Finger blieb. Und meine Nase war weiΓ. Und ich ging auf die KrankenhΓ€user auf der Campus. Und ich dachte, was ist das?
Und sie sagten, oh, du hast eine Infektion. Das passiert, wenn Leute das tun. So, sie haben literally einfach die Haut gedreht. Und es hat einfach... Mein Finger fΓΌhlte sich wie ein Ballon. Haben sie es getrennt? Sie haben es einfach gedreht, um es zu separieren. Weil es so viel Druck unter sich hat, dass du... Was haben sie gedreht? Warte, warte, warte. Was? Sie haben sich also einfach separiert.
Und dann gibt es so viel Druck, dass es einfach so ist. Ich will raus, weiΓt du? Was hast du gemacht? I watched it rupture and they gave me antibiotics and they said clean it and put band-aids with, you know, like a Neosporin on it and live the dream. Ew, disgusting. Yeah. Yeah, I hate that. But yeah, I like those videos with the paint. It's alright.
All those types of videos I think are like kind of cool. The ones where it's people and they have like gym chalk. Wie LΓΌfterschock. Und sie sprayen es mit Schmutzwasser. Und dann krarchen sie es. Ja, sie krachen es. Sie krarchen es. Oder hast du jemals gesehen, wie der Kerl... Es sieht aus, als ob er mit Eisung handelt.
Es ist wie... Es ist wie Shaving Cream.
Ja, und sie sind in... Ist es in einer Kuppe? Nein, es ist in einer Kuppe. Und er ist so...
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ich meine, wenn MΓ€nner... Kann ich es verunreinigen, es zu etwas anderes zu bedeuten? Nein, es ist, wenn sie eine Wand machen. Ist es in particular underpaid workers, maybe hispanic ones? Den mΓΆchtest du? Ich weiΓ, worΓΌber du sprichst, wenn sie es aufschlagen und dann den Trowel nehmen und dann einfach... Ja, Alter. Und dann auf den Topf legen und dann scharfen.
Es geht nicht darum, dass wir uns verheiratet haben. Wir hatten ein wunderschΓΆnes GebΓ€ude im Hintergrund. Und Becca und ich haben darΓΌber geredet. Sie fragte mich, ob ich nervΓΆs war, als wir uns verheiratet haben. Ich sagte, nein. Und sie sagte, nein.
Ja, wenn sie es einfach nehmen und dann einfach aufschlagen. Und dann ist der Typ so... Du wirst mir sagen... Du wirst mir sagen... Schrecklich. Du willst nicht mit dΓΌnnem Zement spielen. Bro, hol mich in den fucking Truck. Ja? Und roll mich in den Zement. Das wΓ€re gut, aber anscheinend ist es schlecht fΓΌr deine Haut.
Was ist Zement? Es ist nur Rock und Wasser.
Ich bin sicher, es gibt andere Chemikalien in es, aber das ist die generelle Idee, dass es nur Rock und Wasser ist. Nein? I asked the question, you didn't give an answer, and then you're like, I'm sure there's other stuff in it. That's my question. Cement is... It's rocks. Limestone, clay, and marl.
I don't know, but I love that. How do you spell marl? M-A-R-L. Like Jacob Marley? Mar...
Other materials, shells, chalk, shale, slate, silica sand, iron ore, blast furnace slag. That sounds sick. That sounds like a hooker's name in Ireland.
Stop. The clinker. I don't know. I feel like I'm being pranked by an article. Oh, shit. Wait. What did you look up? Cement. Oh. So concrete, that's more rock. It's a mixture of cement, of water and other stuff. So that's what you're talking about. So I'm right and you're wrong. What you're saying, where I said it was just rock and water. I knew that much. That's cement. And I was right.
You just added 100 ingredients. Those are all rocks. Frank. Schale? You've never seen those people? That's good videos on TikTok. The people that find the raw rocks, the round rocks, and they're like, there might be an Ammonite in here. And he takes a little, he goes, ding, ding, ding, bang! And it cracks open, and it's a fossil. He finds it in shale? I do like that.
You ever seen people hammering shale? Yeah, I have. It's so good, dude. I do. Shells. Yeah. That's a rock, kinda.
Nein, nein, nein. Was sind das? Was ist ein Schild? Ich denke, es ist nur ein Teil eines Tieres. War es immer ein Teil eines Tieres? An einem Punkt habe ich mir vorgestellt, dass es das ist, und dann ist es es nicht. Also Schilder sind einfach verlassen. Sie sind verlassenen HΓ€usern. Sie sind Orphanen. Ja, ja, ja. Von Tieren. Ja. Na, nein, weil sie nicht lebendig sind.
Sie wollte, dass du nervΓΆs bist. Sie wollte, dass du nervΓΆs bist. Share your rice. There was no part of me that was just like, oh man, like, do you want to do this? Because like that's in my head, that's what I equate nerves to. Like I have nerves about something if I'm unsure if I want to do something or I'm unsure of the outcome.
Der Schild ist nicht lebendig. Das Tier, das drin war, ist lebendig.
WeiΓt du, wie du immer teure Kleidung kaufst und dann sie donatierst, weil du dich sofort schlecht fΓΌhlst? Nein. Das sind SchΓ€le. SchΓ€le sind die gekosteten Kleidung des Ozeans. Es gibt keinen Unterschied zwischen einer Heilungsarmee und dem Ozean. Es gibt wahrscheinlich einen oder zwei. Also war jede SchΓ€le immer das Zuhause von etwas? Ja, etwas, das lebte, war in, um, oder nahe an dieser SchΓ€le.
Und dann kΓΆnnen Dinge auf SchΓ€len wachsen. Barnakels. I don't like those. I don't like them, but the videos where people crack them off and they save the lobsters. You ever see those? I have. Those are good, too. All the Ocean Videos are like the coolest, but I don't want to be a part of them. I don't want anything to do with them. I'd like to watch, but I don't want to be a part of them.
If I get one, you don't, guys. You know what looks like a lot of fun that I don't want to experience ever in my life, ever? What? When you see a video of like a fisherman and they can like jump up and then they're like hovering in the air because the boat is rocking so much. Hell, I don't want to be there, but I like watching it.
Schnapp deinen Gesicht. Wo? Wo? Hier. Vielleicht war ich nur so, oder so, oder so, oder so. Vielleicht, ich weiΓ es nicht. Ich bin mir nicht ganz sicher. Ja. WeiΓt du, ich muss sagen, weiΓt du, was dir gut aussieht? What? Some rings, baby. That's what I'm talking about.
Ich wΓΌrde gerne... Erinnerst du dich, wie es war, als wir Kinder waren? Wenn du auf Legends of the Hidden Temple gewonnen hattest, konntest du ins Spacekamp. Und es war immer der Schuss, wenn die Kinder in der Zero-Gravity-Kammer fliegen. Ich will nicht in den Spacekamp. Ich will nicht in den Ozean. Ich will nicht in den Ozean-Kamp. Aber ist das eine echte Sache?
Denn es ist nicht... Es gibt die Zero-Gravity-Sache, aber es ist ein Flugzeug. Nein, sie haben Zero-Gravity-Sachen, nicht Flugzeuge. Echt? Ja. Ich dachte, der einzige Weg, das zu replizieren, war der Flugzeug, der direkt nach oben geht und dann direkt nach unten oder was auch immer. Und dann kriegst du zero Gravity fΓΌr einen Moment. Das wΓΌrde mich verletzen. Sollten wir das machen?
Ich kann nicht in einem Flugzeug gehen, der so nach unten geht. Ich glaube, es geht nach oben, oder was auch immer. Und dann, wenn sie das hier machen... Noch nicht. Noch nicht. Noch nicht. Ich werde ehrlich sein.
Nur um zu fliehen?
Ich gehe zum Spacekamp.
Genau. Du kannst zum Spacekampfen gehen und in eine Zerografie-Kammer gehen und du kannst Stars sehen. Ich glaube nicht, dass das eine Sache ist. Wie kΓΆnntest du die GravitΓ€t in einer Kammer nicht haben? Ich weiΓ es nicht. Spacekampfen hat die nΓ€chste Generation von Explorern von mehr als 42 Jahren geholfen. Spacelose Aviation und Robotik-Kampfen. Das ist etwas, was wir tun kΓΆnnen, Alter.
I'm not going to space camp. It's for 11-year-olds, Frank. First of all, yep. I know. It says from 9 to 11. Yeah. Whoa. That's not even cool that they would see that.
It's the 9-11 stuff. We're not over it. And the price... How much is it? Space camp is probably expensive.
We're getting up there. For 18-year-olds. Are you telling me an 18-year-old is going to a space camp? Yeah. Time to grow up, Peter Pan. Jesus, go to college. Adult Space Academy. Learn more. I'm going to learn more. I mean, you're either going... It's $900 a person. On-site overnight accommodations for Friday and Saturday nights at camp.
All meals beginning with dinner Friday evening through breakfast Sunday morning. Train like an astronaut on the multi-axis trainer. Construct and launch your own rocket. Test engineering skills. Participate in a simulated space mission. Dude, I don't know if I can handle that. That sounds pretty cool. A space mission? What am I saying? I mean, you're doing it indoors, though. You're cool.
Then they have space... Oh, that's for educators. I don't care about that one. I feel like there's a lot of math and science that go into this. Adult Advanced Space Academy. Frank, I have a suggestion. Get off your fucking phone. The day that this fucking podcast gets an actual producer that Frank can just be like, hey, can you look that up?
Aber es ist das, was uns fΓΌhlt, als ob wir echte Leute sind. Wir sind nicht nur so wie, hey, kannst du das aufschauen, mach das fΓΌr mich, Bitch. Wir machen es uns selbst. Wir machen es uns selbst. Wir sind echte, echte Leute.
Wir sind ehrgeizige, ehrgeizige Leute. So funny. It's like, yeah. Damn. Would you go to Space Camp when you were younger? When I was a kid? Like, you would be into that? I don't know, because if it was like, I won Legends of the Hidden Temple, and it was like, you can go to Space Camp, or you can get Nintendo 64 and 18 Skechers. Well, I'd take the 64.
I wouldn't hate the Skechers, I'll be honest with you. We should bring back light-up sneakers. For adults? For anything. Copyright. Look at this. We're just continuing to fucking innovate. And we've copyrighted all the ideas because Frankie said copyright. Light up shoes for adults. Yeah. It seems like you would... What are you doing? Oh, he's going to the phone, yeah. They do exist. Are you sure?
Yeah. How sure? Not sure enough that you won't continue to look at it. Light up shoes for adults. Heelys. Yeah. Yikes. Did you ever have a pair of those? My brothers did. I did not. Are they cool? Nein. Nein, das sind sie nicht. Und ich werde derjenige, der das sagt. Entschuldige, Heelys, ich hasse es, deine ganze Kampagne zu zerstΓΆren. Ich denke, sie sind okay.
Es gibt einige Jungs, die ein paar Tricks machen. Ich weiΓ. Das sieht cool aus, aber nicht in der Hochschule. Es sah cool aus, wenn du... Ja, genau. Es sah cool aus, wenn du nach Hause gehst und... Watch fucking Disney Channel. Like, not now. Yeah, like, if you're in high school and you're really good at Heelys, and you're like, you could do a bunch of cool tricks, like, that's fire.
You just will not get asked. The moment you graduate, the absolute moment you graduate, those things better be in the dumpster. Yeah. Better be. And if not... They're tough. If I saw a pair of Heelys on my college campus, I think I would have lost my mind. I tell you this. I prefer Heelys over like Ripsticks. What the hell is a Ripstick?
You know the thing where it's like you like move like a snake kind of? Oh, it's like a one board.
Well, some people do it because they think this will save everything.
Hate it. I'm not big on it either. I hate it. I think we need to just like walk.
Take it. Throw it. Break it. I could possibly one night come home drunk and if it's there being like, I'm gonna try it out. I mean, I think you need a key for it. But also, you don't need a key to take it and throw it down the garbage. Verdammte ScheiΓ! Die sind echt groΓ. Ja, ich weiΓ, Alter. Und sie sind so seltsam. Ich erinnere mich, du hast schon mal auf einem Hoverboard gesessen, oder? Ja.
Es ist seltsam. Es ist schwer. Dein Gehirn sagt dir, ich sollte fallen, aber du wirst es nicht. Richtig. Also habe ich es nie genossen. Ich bin nicht groΓ drauf. Erinnerst du dich an Mopeds? Die, die du sitzen kannst? Oh, meine GΓΌte. Wenn du ein Moped in der NΓ€he hΓΆrst, weiΓt du, dass es runter geht. Ich weiΓ nicht, ob ich es dir gesagt habe, aber unser Freund Dennis hat einen neuen Moped.
Es war weiΓ und hatte eine Handelbar. So wie das und wie eine Schuhe. Du erklΓ€rst mir etwas, mit dem ich mich sehr kennengelernt habe. Aber einige von ihnen haben nicht das Seat. Du stehst einfach auf es. Ja, das hat wie eine Schuhe. Und er war so, er ist so, sei vorsichtig mit dem Throttle. Es ist sehr sensibel.
Ja, stell dir vor, er war nicht sehr begeistert. Ja, und dann habe ich nie wieder einen gefahren. Ich habe letztens jemanden mit einem motorisierten Motorrad in der Nachbarschaft. Und ich war so, oh, ich werde es probieren.
Guys, listen. What I think Beck is talking about is not like a nervous of like, oh, I'm scared to do this, or I'm nervous, I don't know what to say type of thing, but just like a... Wie ein Giddy, wie ein Butterfly. Ja. Ich war, ich meine, ich war aufgeregt. Wie vor Shows, ich werde nervΓΆs. Oh, aber ich werde nervΓΆs. Sieh, das ist die Unterschiedlichkeit.
Du, ich war schnell. Ich habe gefragt, wie schnell geht das Ding? Er ist so 30, 35 oder so. Wenn du nicht auf etwas bist und du bist auf etwas so groΓ, das ist sehr, sehr schnell. Ich mag es nicht, schnell zu gehen. Ich mag es nicht. WeiΓt du, ich weiΓ nicht, wie ich diese Frage beantworten kann, weil wo zur HΓΆlle bist du schnell? Wer hat dir eine Frage gefragt? I don't like going fast.
I don't know how to answer that. We're starting to get at each other's throats here. We need to back off and be happy. Frank, where can they find you? Frank Alvarez, 885 on Twitter. I don't even know. Frank Alvarez on all the forms of social media. And then go check out the Basement Yard. Patreon, patreon.com slash thebasementyard. Also, thebasementyard on all forms of social media.
If you're looking for us, you know where to find us, baby. Yep, you guys can go follow me at JoeSanagato and again go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.
Ich glaube nicht, dass diese zwei Dinge eine und die gleiche sind. Ich glaube nicht, dass das Nerven sind. Ich glaube, das ist wie eine Antizipation. Ja. Es ist wie eine Angst.
Ich mache mich wie ein... Du bist Goku, du bist Goku und das ist so. Ich bin Goku, ich bin Goku.
No, I don't equate those things to nerves. Because I also get that before the show. But my mentality before the show is just like, I have no reason to be nervous because the show is about to start. So what am I going to be nervous about? I just want it to be here already so I can do the thing that we enjoy doing. Same thing with proposing and marrying Becca. I don't believe it is nerves because...
Ich, als Individuum, bin nervΓΆs ΓΌber Dinge, von denen ich ungewiss bin. Oder wenn ich nicht weiΓ, wie die Zukunft verblΓΌfft ist. Ich weiΓ nicht, was passieren wird. Oder du weiΓt nicht, wo die Klamotten sind.
Ich kann das nicht haben. Ich muss sagen, wir haben letztens einen Film gemacht und jemand hat es schlecht erklΓ€rt, wo die Klamotten waren.
After I have now had this pinky ring for quite some time, it does just feel good. Right. Like it feels like I had a sandwich and I just saw the rings and I was like, yes. Ich denke, das braucht eine volle Transparenz. The reason I'm wearing a t-shirt and slacks and loafers is because... Fancy socks too, by the way, buddy. I like socks. You know how I am about socks, bitch.
He said, make a left at produce. The whole store was produce, guys. Der ganze Ort, an dem wir waren, war Brotis. Aber ja, ich sehe das als Antizipation. Aber ich weiΓ, dass es Leute gibt, die NervΓΆsen haben. Oh mein Gott, was passiert, wenn wir verheiratet werden? Und dann kΓΆnnen sie uns fΓΌr einen Flattfee hirten. 1.000 Dollar. Klar. Plus Reisen und Lodgen. Lodgen, ja.
Und dann kΓΆnnen wir sagen... Sagst du, wir? Wir werden das machen? Niemand ist eine Insel. Das ist eine der Regeln des Wedding-Krashes. Okay. Erinnerst du dich an das Poster, das wir alle hatten, als wir Kinder waren? Ich hatte es nicht. Ich... Wahrscheinlich. Nein, ich denke nicht, dass ich es hatte. Ich weiΓ, was es war. Hast du ein Poster in deinem College-Dorm von einer MΓ€dchen?
Nein, nein, nein, nein. Du hΓ€ttest es, du hΓ€ttest es, ehrlich gesagt, es war der andere Ende des Spektrums, meine Poster. Ja, es war wahrscheinlich wie Derek Jeter. Nein, nein, nein, nein. Ich kann meine Poster sehr, sehr deutlich erinnern.
Ich gebe dir drei. Okay. Okay. Geh langsam. Okay. Einer war ein Batman-Comic-Book-Cover.
Okay, was war das andere? Das andere war Dexter Morgan, der seine Hose anzieht. So we're all on the same page. The girl bending over and grabbing beer or holding two beer steins with her fucking cleavage out. I'll have two of those. Those were not on my wall. It was Batman and Dexter Morgan from the show Dexter.
Oh, sie wurden in die Wand gepinnt.
Ich habe meine eigenen Schuhe in der Hall of Fame. Du hattest wahrscheinlich ein paar Newspaper von den Yankees.
Das war nur in deinem Wohnzimmer zu Hause. Ja, das war nur eine ganze Wand von meinem Wohnzimmer zu Hause. Und deine Don Quixote-Poster. Die waren cool. Ich mag die. Ja, ja. Und dann war der andere. Ich denke, ich habe dir das gesagt. Es war ein groΓer. Es war mein erstes Jahr. Ich kann mich nicht erinnern, die anderen Jahre. Aber es war Pulp Fiction. Es war... Uma Thurman? Nein, nein.
It would make sense if it was a woman, right? What was it? It was fucking John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson holding the gun at the guy. They shoot.
Yeah, exactly. Oh man. That was awesome. You only saw my room like three or four times. Yeah. It was very college dorm like. I had like two bowls and three forks that I stole from the on campus dining. There you go. Es ist okay. Es ist alles gut. Ich muss dir hier etwas ernsthaft fragen. Das ist kein Witz. Oh. Jemand hat mir einen Kommentar gemacht und ich brauche deine Hilfe.
Ich denke... Oh nein. Ich denke, du bist mehr im... Du bist mehr im Fingern der Pulse in Bezug auf Trends und... Was ist so lustig? Fingern der Pulse wieder.
Ja. Fingern... Wer auch immer Fingern ist. Richtig. Are skinny jeans really out of style? Yeah. It's time, Frank. Because I wore skinny jeans yesterday. Yeah. And someone said to me like, hey, don't let anyone tell you skinny jeans are out of style. And you burst out laughing.
Ich mag formfΓΌhrende Kleidung. Du kannst es immer noch haben. Es zentriert meinen Sturm.
Ja, das ist richtig. Es ist ein stΓΌrmischer Sturm hier. Hier gehen wir. Ich klappe den Sturm den ganzen Tag. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's got a little... Thunderclap is wild stuff. But they're really out of... Yeah, they are. So what's in style for pants? The baggier sort of thing. But you don't have to go baggy. I don't like baggy though, dude. I don't mind it at times.
You're like... I like... Like you're a little baggy. They're not baggy. Maybe a little bit. They're a little baggy. A little bootcutty. Bootcutty? Yeah, bootcutty baggy. Well, like, I can't do like a bell bottom. Like a wide... I look like an idiot. I just got rid of jeans that I realized were bell bottoms after having them for several years. Did you wear them? Yeah. I didn't see them.
I wore them. You know what's funny? I wore them when we went to Austin, Texas for my bachelor party. There's a picture of me and you sitting in a chair. You wore them then? And I didn't realize and one of our friends commented on it like, is Frankie wearing bell bottoms?
Ich muss sie bald entfernen. Ja, wir werden es herausfinden. Es gab etwas, worΓΌber ich sprechen wollte. Ich habe es auf Twitter gefunden, vor dem Start des Videos. Und es ist der Bundeswehr. Warte, der Bundeswehr? Also der Bundeswehr? Yeah, the Department of the Air Force sent out a letter. And I don't know if this is real, but we're going to assume it is because haha he he.
Haha's and he he's, babe.
Basically, they made a list and says, leadership does, however, realize the importance of open, honest communication between members. With this in mind, leadership has compiled the following substitution list. Wait, oh, so basically what they're saying is that people are using words that people are complaining about. So here, instead of those, use these.
I don't really know that. You're big into socks? I'm a socky guy. I like book socks. Those are cool. What the hell are book socks? Oh, like the old... Fuck you! Fuck you! Warum hast du uns als Kinder auf unsere BΓΌcher gesetzt? Das war wie die meiste Stress, als ich jΓΌnger war. Ich dachte, fuck, ich muss alle meine TextbΓΌcher abschneiden. Wir mussten lernen, wie man ein Buch abschneidet.
Honestly, when people think of bravery, they think of the Air Force and me.
Come on, that's a good one.
So it's like a polite way to say, no fucking way. No fucking way, like, go on, giddy up.
You're not creating a phrase. I mean, you're not necessarily creating a phrase.
I'm gonna tell you right now. If someone drops a feasible on me in like casual conversation. I don't like that. No fucking way I don't beat the dog shit out of them. Disgusting. Next one. You've gotta be shitting me. These are real good ones, Joey. Especially when you're in the Air Force. I imagine you have to say this stuff all the time. You've gotta be shitting me. You've gotta be shitting me.
Alright, well. What does that translate to into normal language? Oh, also ich wΓΌrde nur denken, du musst mich verarschen, aber klar wollten sie es so sein, dass die Instanzen, die vor uns vorgebracht wurden, an einem Punkt sind, wo sie, weiΓt du, humorΓΆs aussehen und einen Jokern und Mockerei von dieser gesamten Situation machen.
welcome back to the basement welcome back to the basement yard i'm here with frank what you sucking on over there frank what you slurping on frank because you're slurping over there it's tea baby you know how i be big tea boy is that that means something trans oh well i'm not i'm not support Love it, but not me personally.
He's like, it's super expensive or whatever. It's Radio City, blah, blah, blah. Frank, I didn't say this at the time, but that is the ugliest shirt I've ever seen in my life.
No way. It is worse than the polo. it is it's infinitely worse it's louder i i would have said frank it is a flash bang okay you would have fucking deafened the audience with this i i almost would have probably been like i don't know that you should wear that shoot can we pull a picture of it i mean yeah if you can find it i don't what's well let's start here just go to the versace website
That's crazy. Sab Carp is here, dude. Sab Carp. What am I? Just scroll to men's shirts. Okay. Just go to men's shirts. While he gets that up, let me defend myself. Horrific. Let me defend myself. Okay, really quick. It wasn't those. Where am I going? It wasn't those. You're getting closer. It's a black one. Keep going. Keep going. That's close. Keep going. Oh, that's all they got?
They might have removed it. Oh, no. Show more, baby. There it is. Wait, where? On the right. Yes.
First of all, that's the shirt that he was going to wear. Wow. Let's read off the price. It's a couple buzzes this one is $990. I wasn't wearing long-sleeve, but okay. I'm so sorry hear me out hear me out Yeah, okay. You want to do this? Yeah?
We're gonna get hurt out then if we're airing this out if you're fucking if I've gone through all 40 my underwear and we got dirty laundry let's hear this shit I Didn't get it. I know. In hindsight, it was not. Like, what was I thinking? Yes. However. However.
You know what I mean? Bro, that's a big market. Like, vintage clothing and stuff like that. Bro, I ever tell you I looked up, so, those of you guys that may not know this, Young Jeezy. The rapper.
However. It was a big occasion. Yeah. And I wanted something to memorialize the event. Do me a favor. Memorialize. Ask me if you think I ever would have wore this shirt again.
Frank, I know the answer. It was going in a frame. In a frame? Yeah, people frame shirts like they frame jerseys. What are you, Aaron Rodgers? It's not going in a frame. Did you frame the clothes that you wore? No, I actually just put them away, though, and I said, like, oh, right. All right. Wait, like put them away... For the winter. Like for their winter clothes or like fall clothes.
It's not like you put them down. You took them out to the backyard. All right, you've served your purpose. Just look at the flowers! Now, but that's such a crazy... Who would do that? Who would buy something to memorialize an event? Did you buy anything to memorialize Radio City? Yeah. What do you buy? A watch. Frank, the watch was very expensive.
It was the most expensive thing I've ever bought in my entire life. However, one, let's go. Let's go. We're going? Get the fucking gloves out, babe. Let's go. No, no, no. The watch. Yep. I don't think the issue that I have with this thing that you bought, we're planning on buying, was the price. Okay. The issue was what it was. What it was. The item. Okay. What it looked like. Listen, Joey. Me. Me.
You see that there? That hurt. I'm a little confused by what you're doing. You see that there? You see those veins? Yeah. This one runs through those veins. Blood. And what does blood make me? A human. I'm only human, babe. I make mistakes. We make mistakes. Okay? We only... We can only do what's best for us as humans in those situations at the time.
Crazy that you did the accent. Accent. You dressed up like him for Halloween one year, right? I did not dress up like Young Jeezy, but you, however, had the same closet as him. Yeah. So apparently I had a shirt from him that was a big, it was an all black shirt and it had a, like a glitter printed on snowman. And it said, I got that snowman hindsight. I now understand it was referencing cocaine.
He's doing one of his rants that don't make sense, but it's a lot of words. Hindsight. The benefit of hindsight on our side. Hindsight is always 20-20. Of course we can look back and say, that was a dumb idea. You think that's true? I don't think it's true. I think sometimes I look back and I go, what? I don't know.
Well, you look at it like that because you have the benefit of hindsight on your side. You can look back and say, at the time, you were like, yeah, I was gung-ho about it. Hindsight now. I don't know.
Damn right. I'm just saying. I was trying to memorialize what was, professionally, our biggest achievement. Right. Okay? But I know. And I wanted to do it with Versace with me, okay? With a silk Versace shirt. With Donatella Versace. With Donatella Versace on by my side. You know what? And I will say this. I will say this. I don't like it, right? I don't like the shirt. But I will say this.
I think that if you did wear it, of course, I'm joking. I would have never been like, ew, Frank, don't buy that. If you wore it, I honestly think that you could pull it off. Thank you. And I think that it would have looked good. It honestly would not have boded well for you, though. Oh, yeah. To be like, hey, Frank. Yeah. All of the jokes that you make about me.
There were some other ones that I had contemplated. Yeah, there were some other considerations. There was a white one that I almost got. You can keep going. And I'll tell you, if it comes up, some of these are just like... These are hideous. Some of them are. That white and black one. And that gold and blue one were up there, too. These two? Yeah.
Do you know one time I actually walked into a Versace store, or someone I was with, maybe I was with Danny or something, but, like, I think someone wanted to buy a Versace swimsuit, trunks, or whatever the fuck. And some of the shit there is just, like, when I picture these things, it's all, like, older rich dudes in Miami. Mm-hmm. With white pants. Mm-hmm. And they're wearing that shirt.
Yep, absolutely. You know what I mean? Flowy white pants, too. You don't really see a lot of younger people in this. I just, again, at the time, my mentality was just like... These are... My mentality was just like... Let's memorialize this with something that is so insane. Because you know me. I like loud shirts. You know me. That's not like loud.
I know this is not loud, but like it's louder than what you're normally used to. You know, like you're not a loud shirt guy. If you were to say, is Frankie a muted style person or a loud style person? You would obviously say. Power Rangers or something like that. Louder. I thought in my head. It's almost become like a part of the show that like Hawaiian shirts, loud clothing.
You haven't worn Hawaiian shirts in very long, Frank. I can't remember the last time I wore them, but I wear them fairly frequently. The Batman one you've worn, but like besides that. I wear them every now and then, but like you see me twice a week normally, you know? Yeah, but I've seen pictures of you. But also, I mean, regardless, we're splitting peas here.
I just think that it would have been like, this is Frankie at the pinnacle of being Frankie on stage at Radio City. So you think in order to be the peak of yourself, your shirt needs to be... Well, I need to show that I am... Just 400 decibels. Listen, Joey. A worry that people might have about you and I is that along this road that we call life, There it is. Which is a long winding road.
Circle. I'm alive. Boom! The lion came. You know what I'm talking about. Bang! Yeah, they held that motherfucker up. Imagine that was real. Like the animal kingdom, like a monkey's going to hold up a cub and all the animals line up. And then they're fucking, what are they called? The gazelles are just like, hell yeah, I'm fucking about this shit. Also, the gazelles aren't going to be there.
Yeah. And I will go as far to say that Frank, we knew. I might have. We knew that it was cocaine. I probably knew, but like. You back then thought cocaine and selling drugs was so cool. Not cool for you to do. No, no, no. But it was like, yeah, sick. Well, because I was. I'm a big pimp. You know what I mean? You're like, I'm a big pimp who slangs cocaine. Yeah, that's fair.
Those things get eaten by fucking everybody. Well, that was a thing that they said in the movie. It's just like, don't we eat these animals? And it was just like, yeah, but it's the circle of life. It's like we're having an assembly. Everyone chill. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Bro, that soundtrack. Go back and watch that fucking movie. You open up with circle of life. Just can't wait to be king.
Be prepared. Just can't wait. Hakuna Matata. Hakuna Matata. Is that like the pinnacle of like Disney soundtracks? Not my answer, but it's one or two. I recently, Finney texted me and he was like, yo, I just saw a video where it was like top 10 movie soundtracks or something. Or maybe it was Disney soundtracks. And he's like, Tarzan is 10. I was like, that's fucking illegal. Illegal.
We can debate this one day on a Patreon episode, but. I think Lion King is definitely in the top five. Without question. Bro, you're forgetting so many other fucking movies that are just absolutely... I mean, Aladdin's probably number one. Aladdin is in there. Little Mermaid is in there. Ooh, Little Mermaid! Pocahontas is in there. Mulan is in there. Bro, people go... People ride for Mulan, dude.
Tarzan, man. Tarzan, exactly. Tarzan, bro. Mulan... Not Mulan. Pocahontas is like... It's got one. Colors of the Wind? That's it.
yeah that's a problematic movie now that we think about it a lot of them often are I don't even know the story of that movie I don't even know what I mean it's just like what is going on white guy falls in love with a yeah and then like his big like dude is just like nah fuck that this is our shit now and she's like no but the what makes it problematic is like what the real story was it was like at the like the real Pocahontas was like 11
Yeah. There's some stuff. Pocahontas is such a cool name. By the way, that was like my first crush. Pocahontas. Yeah, Pocahontas. I could see that. I was in love with Pocahontas. You know my answer. Christina Ricci and Casper. That's it. That's another one, yeah. See, I didn't have the same kind of crush on Christina Ricci that I had on Pocahontas.
Pocahontas, I was like... Fucking Roxanne in a Goofy movie? Are you kidding me? I know. When I was younger, too, I was like, I'll never be good enough for Roxanne. Nala. Years ago, we did an episode where I think we did a bracket of the best-looking animated characters. Might be time to revisit that. But, yeah, some goodies there. Anyway, we do have some sponsors for today. Hello, Mama.
So, the first one being How You Doing Better Help. This show is sponsored by Better Help, okay? That is...
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And then your mom was like. I mean, no, not fair. I'm not. I was not. I mean, that's this. I mean. I probably. Here's probably what happened. Start 101. I like. It's a great show. I like Young Jeezy the rapper. Yeah.
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I went and bought the shirt from the place that I went and bought my graphic, like, you know, large T's, you know, and then after I learned that it was, it was probably that I, and like then learned it was about cocaine. Right. That. Right. I then wore it even more frequently to feel cooler. Why are we talking about Young Jeezy? Because I went to look up.
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So that first tier, you get these weekly episodes seven whole days in advance. That's one week in advance, okay? And that second tier, well then guess what? I'm going to get exclusive episodes every single Friday, which are kind of nuts, honestly. Those episodes get a little all over the place. If you can believe it or not, they're crazier than these.
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From the Basement to the World Tour. The Basement Yard Boys are getting back after it. Yes, sir. If you guys, for some reason, haven't seen everything that we've been talking about or posting about, go to TheBasementYard.com. All of our information is going to be on there. If you're seeing this early on Patreon, May 13th. Yes. At 12 p.m.
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Yeah. We got new stuff. We want to make it so it doesn't feel like last year and you're not, you know, you're getting new stuff. Yeah. So go check it out. Thank you, guys. We love you. We wouldn't be able to do this without you. Yes. Amazing. Let me ask you a question. Oh, you. Uh, I don't know. Can I, I don't know why I hate the pointing so much. Like it's not a bit. I just don't like it.
And it's not like you're doing anything wrong. Like we're in a show. We pointed each other. We talk, but like you just did that. And I was like, Oh, maybe you got something. Like what? I don't know. Trauma. But you do, the way that you react to like poop conversations and mustard and me pointing apparently is pretty. It's pretty the same? It's pretty like.
It's similar to how you reacted to when that shirt popped up on the screen that I was going to buy. Yikes. But what were you going to ask me, babe? Go ahead. Well, the question that he kind of proposed to us before this, so I wanted to bring it back up, but it was like if you had a full day to hide a paperclip. Paperclip. A paperclip from the FBI. Five agents. Sure.
Five detectives are going to raid your house. You have to hide a paperclip somewhere in your house. Do you think that you could fool them and you could successfully hide it? What equipment do they have? Bro, I don't work there. I don't fucking know. I mean, do they have, like, x-ray? Do they have, like, stuff that can detect metal? No, that's cheating. That's cheating.
Like, do they have a metal detector and stuff like that? Or are they just looking, like, good old gumshoe tactics? Like, are they just going with their hands and they're looking around? Let's say that. Okay. Yes. I can hide 40 of those fucking paperclips. Okay, that's insane. No. Bro, one? I'm gonna find 40 paperclips. I'd hide them all in the same place. That's a trick, Joey. That's not a trick.
Okay. Where would you hide a paperclip? I mean, the easiest way that I know they're not getting it is I swallow it. They'll know. How? They're going to check you. Well, they said they don't have a metal scanner. So what are they going to do? They're just going to poke my belly and put their ear to it and stuff like that? Also, I don't know what's going to happen to you.
You already got a little sensy tummy. You just swallowed a piece of sharp metal. Yeah. It won't work well. Let me tell you something. Here's the thing. It's going to be a red wedding when you take it down. Here's the thing, babe. Ant said that if they successfully don't find it, I win a billion dollars. Oh, is that the thing? Yeah, but if they don't find it, they die.
Yeah, dude. For an I Got That Snow? I Got That Snowman shirt. You bought it? No, I didn't. Oh, crazy. No, I didn't buy it. Frank, if you walked in here with that T-shirt, I would explode from excitement. I can't, as an adult father... Wear a shirt about doing coke. First of all, your kids will not know what it means. They will eventually and be like, daddy, what does that?
But if they don't find it, they die? What if they find it? Do I die? No, you just don't get a billion dollars. If they don't find it, they die, and I get a billion dollars. So they're going to shove their hands down your throat and up your ass to try and find this thing. They could try, bitch, but they ain't getting very far. It'll be in my belly.
The first place they'll check is definitely some sort of wand to make sure it's not in you. Regardless, there's no way they're finding this thing. Where would you put it then if you weren't there? What would you do? Do you know? I have no idea. Here's what I would do. Okay, walk us through. I'm a detective. You ever, uh... Ow! Whoa! Well, you're gonna have to be tougher than that, detective. Uh...
Open up, Joe. It's me. We're not doing role play. Why not? Because. People like it. So, you know when you get like a scratch in your wall or something and then you like take soap and then you paint over it? Soap? Yeah, you've never done that? What the fuck are you talking about?
Like, if you get, like, a little nick in your wall or something, or, like, the molding, you can take, like, soap, and you keep going over it. Oh, like a bar of soap? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, to fill it in? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought you meant, like, to clean the mark out. Okay. I meant like that. Okay. So, my thought process...
is like shave a part of the molding out and then put the paperclip, like open it, and then put it like that and then do the soap over it and then paint over it. It'll just look like part of the molding. That's actually, that's a really good one. That's really, really good. If they have metal detectors, maybe I would shove it deep in a TV or something. Well, here's the thing.
If they have metal detectors, they're going to find it. What is deep in a TV? They're flat screens.
i'm saying i would take it apart and put it in somewhere deep because if they have a metal detector maybe that'll throw it off so you're hoping like well you need something like lead you need something like lead in order to protect from seeing through that's what's famously superman can't see through lead so superman works for the fbi yeah no i i if we're saying like metal detectors they're gonna find it does it need to remain in paperclip form
Could I like melt it? Can I like melt it down and make it into a ring? No, you're hiding a paperclip. I'm hiding a paperclip. Make it into a ring? Just think it out loud here. What? All right. I think like the easy answer is like hide it in the piping somewhere. So like most bathrooms have like copper piping and stuff like that and like put it down the drain. You have to be able to get it.
No, he didn't say that. That was not spoken. Oh, I mean, I'm assuming you have to be able to access it. You can't just flush it. Well, then it wouldn't be in your house. That's why I didn't say flush it. I said put it in a drain and tape it to the side or something. No, they'll find that. You think so? I think so. There's the spot that we have in our house.
Technically our house has a chimney and, but there's no fireplace or anything. I guess it's just like a chimney for some reason. And in the attic, there's a spot between the brick chimney and the like attic. And there's just a hole and I don't know where it goes. Throw it down there. And it's not, like, big enough that, like, they can fit down there and get it.
They would have to, like, send a drone. What if I took it and I wore a rubber glove and I shoved it in a socket, electrified it, so even if they find it, it's like, I can't get that. You know, they could just put on the rubber glove and remove it. Oof, didn't even think of that at all. I think, like, I definitely think, also, we have young kids.
There's, like, a ton of, like, little toys that, like, you can hide shit in. They're going to just smash them all. But could they? I like in a pipe. A pipe is not bad. So, like, you know how, like, bike tires, like, you have to, like, it's like a tire and then a tube on the inside? Put it in between, you know, the tube and the tire. Yeah, I like that. You know? That's not bad.
No one's asking you to wear it to the family barbecue. They're asking me to wear it on the Internet where it will be forever. I'd rather wear it to the family barbecue. Also, you're like, I can't be a dad doing you. I saw this morning. I open up TikTok. There's a picture of you. Playing with fucking whatever those are. What do you think you want your kids seeing you do more often?
Does your yard count? Can we bury this fucker? Ooh. Sure. Oh, then they're never finding it. Yeah, I'm burying it. I'm burying this thing 40 feet down. 40 feet down? I'm burying it. You probably hit China. I believed that when I was a kid. I legitimately believed at the beach that if I dug far enough, I would end up in China. Am I fucking stupid? Yes, you are. Am I dumb? Yes.
And go and try it right now and let those walls cave in and take the oxygen and your life with you. I...
think that there is if you get how much prep time do i have if you tell me like they're coming tomorrow yeah like okay so like then i could definitely do it but if you're like they're coming in an hour i'll be like oh fuck if you dug 40 feet you can tell oh someone just dug there in a day what if i took a cucumber and i just shoved it in slow brother i'm going that's the easiest thing to see something metallic in a cucumber
They would have to crack open the cucumber. Done. Bing. There it is. Come on, babe. What if I know what I would do? I know exactly how I would do this. I would buy a truck's worth of needles. And I would throw the paperclip in the needles. Needle in a haystack. Frank. I believe that's a paperclip and a needle stack. Oh, exactly.
So... I mean, if they knew that... Even best case scenario... Oh, it's here. Damn, I thought I'd get him. Prank, prank! I got it again! Bang, bang, boom! Best case scenario... They're sitting there sifting through that. Or I got another one. I buy the big needle stack. And you tell them it's in there. And I don't tell them it's in there, but they think like, well, that's where he must have put it.
It's elsewhere. You fill your house with needles and then you hide it in a good place anyway. Or. Needles fucking everywhere. I'm on it. I'm on it. Remember the movie Saw 2? Hear me out. Remember Saw 2? Where are we going? You saw Saw 2, right? Yeah. Remember where the girl gets thrown into the big hole in the floor with the syringes? Literally my least favorite part of all of the Saw movies.
That's a bad one. Ew. What if I had a pit like that? You don't. But what if I did? I'll buy a kiddie pool. Are you saying if you had a pit of syringes? Yes. In your house? Yep. And I open the paper clip so it looks like the needle part of a syringe and I put it in there. The whole pit of syringes was so not needed for you to do that. Ooh. Ooh. What if this is good? I think it's good.
All right, hear me. You're supposed to listen. All right, hear me. Somehow, okay, you take the paperclip and you make it flat, and then you put it into a tube of toothpaste, and you get it all the way onto the side. So you could just use it normally, and it's like toothpaste. There's nothing in there.
If you get it all the way in, and then you put it off to the side, then it'll just act as toothpaste. Bro, I'm sorry. If I have 24 hours and I'm a detective, everything that could have something in it is getting torn open and cut open and searched thoroughly. It's true. I think the molding's a good answer. What if while they're in there, I slip it in their pocket?
They're going to walk away with it, you dumbass. Well, they're staying in the house for 24 hours. Unless they pull it out. But if they can't find it, they're like, ah, I guess we're leaving. As soon as they walk out, they'll be like, wait, I have it. Exactly. It's over. The 24 hours is over. But they'll have it in their possession. But they didn't find it.
Yeah, but they didn't find it during the allotted time that they had to find it. This is a horrible idea. Yeah. They're going to be like, ah, damn. And be like, oh. Yeah. I think hiding it in something or under something is the easiest answer. In an urn. Yeah, are they going to really dump out Grandpa? Let's be honest. That's fair. That's true.
I was thinking, ooh, what about, you know, I think I got it. Okay. You have hardwood flooring in your house? You guys had hardwood flooring in your house. You know, there's like the nails in the hardwood flooring. Yeah. What if I make it look like it's one of the nails? I just like, I like drill in and put it in and then like make it look like a nail.
I think it would stick out unless you're going to put that like floor glaze. I would make it look good. I would make, I would do my best to like make it look good. Yeah. You know? Or like in, you know, you know how like floors that have carpeting, they have like ugly throw up colored carpeting. It's just like the spongy foam underneath it. Yeah. What if you just shove it in there?
Like in, in the, in the throw up carpet. I mean, this is another thing that I think they're probably just going to rip up the same way that you said anything packaged. I think we could do it. What if we put it in a, in a pot of boiling hot water? Gotcha. Come on. Watch this. Turn it off. Just look inside and let it cool down.
I feel like if I drill a hole into a door and then put it in there and plug that up, how would they really find it? You'll tell that there was a hole in a door. Can I alter this paper clip at all? Yeah. You just can't melt it. You can't melt it. So I can bend it. I can paint it a different color. Yeah, yeah, sure. Okay. That doesn't help me honestly. I just wanted to check if I could do that.
I just wanted to check. I think that there's a possibility that β why don't we do this? Bro, why don't we just put it like when you first walk in the house, there's molding above your door, and do the thing that I said right by the front of your door. I think that's tough because that's the first place they're going to check. Like any good detective. Bro, shove it. Get a giant ladder. Right?
Climb up to your roof and shove it somewhere. He said in the house, not on the house. So does it count as in the house if I put it in the brick outside? Like what if I'm like pointing the house? You know, you get rid of the old shit, the concrete between the bricks. You put it in and then you point the house. Boom. I was going to say in a paver. I'd say the driveway. In the driveway, in a paver.
Tar. You cut a little section of it, and you put it in there, and then you put it down and just make it look like the paver never came up. Yeah, I was going to say just under a tile in your house. How are they getting that? Here's the thing. Yeah, so here's the thing.
Regardless if there's five of them, if you put it somewhere where just the timing doesn't make sense that they would get to something like that, by the time they got through every single paver, I'll take those chances. For a billion dollars? Yeah. Unless they just... Yeah, yeah, no, you're right. Billion dollars, baby. Yeah, there's no way. There's no way they're finding it. There's no way.
Not a single fucking way. What fucking detectives do you know, Clouseau? Who do you know? Wait, what if they have a dog and the dog knows what paper clips smell? Dogs can't smell metal. They smell bombs and drugs and kids. But if they smell me, they'll know I... You have to have someone else place the paper. Hey, brother, it's your house. Everything smells like you. Not outside in that one brick.
Was it an ampersand? I don't know. Apparently it's like a brand or something. Maybe a brand is strippers and cocaine? I don't know if it's strippers and cocaine. Like specifically, it might be like hookers and cocaine. Just any variation of a lady of the night. Yeah, and drugs in powder form. Right. Just, you know, you could put them together however you choose. Right.
It's your house. The place probably smells like you, period. Dogs can't smell a brick in the air? In the air. I don't know. That's like if you were just like, well, if I murdered someone in my house, my fingerprints are all over the place. It's like, yeah, because it's your house. Same thing. Your scent is everywhere. Do you think you could hide...
I'm trying to think of something bigger than a paperclip. A baseball.
no no baseball they'll find that's impossible that's really tough yeah literally impossible i can't hide it in the wall i can't also if i'm the agents and i'm gonna die i'm walking in here with a sledgehammer the walls are coming oh everything's down everything i'm i'm dismantling that piece by piece don't make it harder if you start knocking the walls down i mean they'll have to go through it take it out not in there go through it like they'd have to do it in a smart way i know this is like not the conversation we're having but like you're moving into a new house soon
Did you ever, like, and I don't mean to ruin this for you. Here we go. It's done. I'm not. But you ever think about, like, that there could be stuff in the walls? Like a body. I've never thought about it, but thank you for this now. Right. Or like haunted. Have you ever spent the night there? Do you know haunt?
I don't think you know how buying houses work, but they don't like give you like a one night trial. Like a sleepover. Yeah. Just like if you don't like it, no satisfaction guarantee. You'll get a full return. Basically, the first when you get the place is when you stay in it. I always think about that when I, like in my new apartments, the first night I'm like, fuck, I hope it's not haunted.
So I don't know. I don't have my realtor's license, so I can't with confidence say where this happens or like the minutia of it. But like Frank to my under the fuck on. You've said minutia four times today, Frank. Four. Four minutiae. When have I said minutiae? He minutiaed in the video we shot before. You minutiaed on the call earlier. Did I minutiae? You minutiaed. I don't remember any minutiae.
It'll be in the video. I honestly don't remember minutiae. When you guys see the video, you'll know he minutiaed, and you're minutiae now, and then you minutiaed on the call. Did you just learn minutiae? No, I've always known minutiae. Well, now it's very popular now and it's been for minutiae. It's a popular word. It's going to be pretty laborious for me to take that out of my fucking vocabulary.
Don't bring that back either. And I'm giving you a point on purpose. I think... Frank, also, can I be... You don't... I... You don't... No. I don't know. All right. What is it? So, like... Wait, what are you talking about? Minutiae. Oh, just like the little parts of something. Like minute. Yeah, like minutiae, like little things. Like little details. Yeah, little details.
But what I was going to say is that some places, some states, it might be different state to state or whatever, but you need to like, if there's a known crime, like a murder or something that has happened, or like if it's suspected of being haunted. Yeah, but I'm not saying like known crimes. I'm saying, like, this guy was covered up. Unknown crime. Yeah. Hey, listen, man.
He's just a big T-boy. It's all right. It's okay. That's out of the bag, T-boy. T-E-A. T-E-A. I got you. T-E-A. We knew what you meant. Careful. Some people might not. It's true. But I don't want to, you know. It is what it is. We're going to skip over that. Just dance around. How you doing? I'm doing well. Can I ask you a question? You're looking up and down. Go ahead. Say something.
Out of sight, out of mind. Ignorance is bliss. Could be all bodies in the walls. The walls could be, this house could be being propped up by skeletons. And I wouldn't know. Yes, and. I'd be more worried that someone sees an open house sign and then they're just living in there. Uh, like squatters? That happens, dude. Wait, what?
You ever see those videos of people are, oh, my bunch of bananas is gone and I don't know what it is? Oh my god, and there's like a small Asian woman that crawls out of like a cupboard and they've been living there for like four years or some shit. That's kind of what I'm talking about. Yeah, dude, that shit terrifies me. I'm telling you right now. Well, there we go.
But, yeah, dude, so my kids are going to inherit shirts that might be worth like $300, $400 in a couple years. Frank, they're not going to sell them. I know. They'll hold on to them. And then what? They gain more value. But you're not going to sell it. I'm going to give it to my kids. I'm aware of that. But are they going to sell it? No. Exactly. So what does the value matter? I don't know.
I don't know where this happened, but, like, I saw a video once, and it was just, like, I've noticed, like, things have gone missing, so I set up a camera, and then there's just, like, someone that, like, crawls out of a cupboard. You've heard about this. You might be able to look it up. Look that video up. Shut the fuck up. You've never seen this, but, like, in that situation...
Wait, what are you talking... Why are you saying open house? That's like when people are showing their house. Right, and then... Yeah, but they're... Go ahead. And then they see that, okay, this house is going to be vacant. They get in there, and then when the family moves in, they're just secretly living in the house. Son. That can happen. I'm sure it has happened.
And like... Shit like that, I'm sure... I'm like... beating this person like they're a demon. Because I wouldn't believe that they're human. It's pretty crazy. It happens. In my house, a person crawling out of a cupboard and eating a banana? You need to pull this up. I'll try to find it.
They found the area and there was quilts and pillows set up and shit like that and food wrappers and this person would sneak down. Maybe it was publicity for a movie or something, but like... No, that's terrifying. Bro, I would... I'll take 10 dead bodies before I take a human living in my crawl space. Oh, so you'd rather the dead. Absolutely. The dead don't talk. Yeah, that's true.
The dead can't creep around. I mean, if they're ghosts. I don't like being jump scared. That's my thing. Yeah. I would rather if someone squat and squat and be in a living room like, and let's have an argument in court or something. Yeah. But don't sneak out in the middle of the night and steal the cookies.
Well, you know, sometimes when people show houses at open houses, like it's someone's house that's currently living there and then they move out after it's sold. So like they might, people might not have the opportunity, but I'm sure like new build construction, people just go in. It's also a thing with like, they'll like steel piping and shit like that. Copper piping isn't cheap. Right.
I don't know if you know the law, the rules around this, but like how does squatting make any sense? Bro, it's like, I don't know either, but, like, I've heard stories of, like, people just show up, they have, like, a bank statement, like, send them mail there, and it's like, oh, I got mail here, it's mine now, I'm a squatter.
And there's, like, rules and regulations that people are like, landlords are like, please fucking help me, I can't get this person out. I can't understand that. Like, I don't know the laws. I think in theory it was meant to, it was set up to protect... So the landlord just didn't kick people out for no fucking reason. But it has now become the opposite of that.
If there's no contract where you're living there or something like that, then... You know what I mean? Yeah. So this guy was missing things, and then he set up a camera, and then he saw this. I can't see shit. It's very dark because it was nighttime, but someone crawls out of the... And then starts living their life while they're sleeping. Steals things.
A deranged woman living in the attic is what it says. Broke. Oh, my God. See, this is the thing, and this is so scary. Yo, I don't even know what I would do. I think I would abandon my house. Abandon my house? I take... I'm not going to say what I would do. Yeah, because I'll say it, though. If I woke up in the middle of the night and there was a dark figure...
shadowy figure in my fucking kitchen grabbing shit, it's fucking on. It is so on. Here comes Ken Griffey Jr. You're swinging away, baby. And I'm screaming at an octave I'd be embarrassed of because it'd be very loud. Be honest with me. Would it be like screaming or would it be like, yo, yo, can you, yo, yo? It would be that. Barking a little?
Like, how are you not asking yourself that question? I just want my kids to open up and I'll be like, you know, I'm like a 55-year-old man. And I'm just like, these are shirts from when I was 18. Here, these are for you. And they go, whoa! Yeah. It's going to go exactly like that. Is that a Daredevil logo? It is, yes, correct. You're like, no way, Frosted Flake shirt? That's so sick.
It would be that, but the second they turn around and come at me, I feel like... Do you really think, like, I've thought of this before. Like, do you really think you could beat someone up with a bat? Like, what are you asking? Like, if you had a bat right now and I charged at you, you think you could kick my ass? Are you saying, like, you?
I feel like people think it's easier because they think it's, like, a stationary target and they're going to swing, hit them once, and knock them out. Frank, I'm going to knock your block off. What are you talking about? Watch this. So then, did you get hit with a bat, though? No, because I ducked it. Right. So I'll swing lower. I imagine that, like... It's not as easy as you think.
Like, I think people think, like, you know, like those people that have, like, bats by their bed if, like, someone breaks in and they run down like that. Like, bro, I think. It's better than not having one. Correct. But I think people think that, like, I'm going to swing at a stationary target and I'm going to hit them square in the head where it's going to knock them out immediately.
I mean, if you have a weapon and someone runs at you and you do end up connecting with their head, they're probably dead. Yeah, but their head is, you know, what, 8% of the length of their body or something like that. Definitely more than 8. It's more than 8, but you know what I'm saying. Is there a sock on the bat? What the fuck is that? What the hell does that mean? A sock on the bat?
It means, like, so if you swing at somebody... What is it, like, people put socks on their doorknobs like they're having sex in their room? Are you fucking a bat? If you swing at somebody and they grab the bat, if there's a sock on it, when you pull, the sock comes off, you got another chance. That's incredible. Wow. Really good. We called you stupid for a sec.
Well, the camera just shit its pants, so we jumped right to here. Well, good thing it wasn't wearing tighty-whities. Full circle. See that, baby? Not a half circle. Brought it back. Brought it back. What a full circle. You're welcome. We do have some sponsors for today. More sponsors. More sponsors. All right, folks. What do we got here? What do we got here? Who do we got here?
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It's nice, okay? 5% ABV. It's got coconut water, okay? It's got sea salt. It's nice. It's very tasty. And I like the name. Light strike. Frank, you like that? Light strike.
Listen, it's bold, it's ambitious, it's beautiful. Look at it. I mean, it's lovely. It's Lightstrike, 5% alcohol. Like I said, I tasted it. It's a hard refresher. It's a very refreshing drink, okay? And I'm about that. I'm not one of these guys, you know, that needs a drink that's going to make me go like, oh, I can't.
And you're like, careful, I bought that for $25. That's $28 now. That's what you're going to say. Hey, careful with that Spider-Man tee. It's vintage. It's a collector's item now. Yeah. What have you saved for your potential children one day? Nothing. Nothing but money, which is hindsight a good idea. Now that I said it. Nothing but money. You know...
I like something nice and refreshing, you know, that makes me think of summertime, sitting outside in a breezy shirt. You know, the sun's hitting my face, and I'm just having a nice, refreshing Lightstrike. Does lightning strike twice? Could strike a couple of times. Let me touch. Oh, there he is. He's been struck.
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So the code is BASEMENT2025, and you will get 10% off of your tickets, okay? So go download the SeatGeek app. Use the code BASEMENT2025 for 10% off of those tickets, all right? There you go, folks. It's pretty good. In final news. In final news. In final news. In final news. We have a new pope. Oh, we have a new pope. It's our new pope. We're new popes. Our new pope. Okay. Our new father.
Our new father. Our new father. Isn't he American? Yeah. Yeah. But apparently it's like another country is trying to take credit for him too. But we got a Chicago Pope. Hey, this guy's out there. He's from Chicago? He's from Chicago. He's a Cubs fan? He's a fucking, what's the place called? The hot dog place? Oh, I don't know. I don't remember.
I don't remember, but he's going to be like, naming a father to shine and Jordan dropping 84. You know? Yeah. I think the internet is ablaze now because I think this is the first American Pope.
ever is it and you might need a question i didn't even know that popes could be american why not they're from they were all like it'll i was gonna say all italy no the last one pope frankie was from oh yeah he was like he was from argentina or something and then before that german he was german right there was some stuff uh john paul where was he jp i mean i imagine italy
Oh, so is this the first American pope? Never in the history of the Roman Catholic Church has there been an American pope. Damn. Wow. We're back up. We're back up, baby. Trump's going to take fucking credit for this. Listen, I mean, he could take credit for whatever he wants and often does. Make the Vatican America again. That's kind of crazy. Bro, imagine a guy up there.
This is kind of weird, bro. I don't know if I want a pope that is American. Yeah, we got to know which way he's moving if he's going American. Because American, American. Are you American if you're living in the Vatican, though? That's a different conch. I mean, technically, yeah. I mean, I don't think he was living in the Vatican. He was part of, like, the boys.
I don't have that yet where I have a sentimental attachment to material things or items or something. I understand it, and I know that there will be times in my life where I will have sentimental stuff that I probably keep, but I don't know. It's hard to imagine. Like now I'm getting, I feel like closer to the idea of like, okay, I get it.
He was just, like, he was there on, like, a weekend bender. And he was just like, I'm pope now, guys. No, he's not, like, just like a priest and then you're pope. He was a cardinal. We've talked. Yeah, bro. Being a Cardinal is like you got to put in some years. You got to do your time. You know, you start in the mail room. What's that called? He grit his teeth. What do they call it?
Cut your teeth. Grit. He grit his teeth. He was getting after it. Yeah, he did. He put in. I wish they could do like for whatever the new popes are. They have like, you know, like stats, like tell the tapes for them and stuff like that. And it'll be like. Pope this guy. 15-time pope of the year. 15-time priest of the year. 22-year cardinal. You know, 38-inch wingspan.
Over 100,000 Hail Marys hailed. I just think this could be the turning of the tide to bring America back to a place of just like, oh, shit, okay. Or it could be real bad. I wonder how do they vote on who to pope? I think they go up there and they're just like, yo, what do you think? Like, yo, anybody cure blindness? There's that movie Conclave. I haven't watched it. I haven't either.
And I watched the trailer and I was like, I'm not watching it. I was like, why am I watching that? Why is Voldemort telling me who should be the Pope? You know what I'm saying? What is this? I heard it was a good movie. I haven't watched it. But John Lithgow's in it. So what does that do for you? Nothing. I mean, he's an actor. I don't know how they choose it.
Is it just like, because you've never been in fraternity election board meetings and stuff like that, where it's like everyone gets to vote. It's basically like, they vote. I know they vote. And also the smoke thing is fine.
Nuevo Papa. Papi. Bro, Twitter has been absolutely electric. It's like, you know, like the, I don't know the name of the song because I know there's an actual name, but like the Bulls walk out music. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yeah. And it's like, this is what the new Pope is coming out to. And he's just like, you know. That's crazy. Does he get new, like, drip?
Bro, if we don't get like a Cubs pinstripe, Bro, also, I didn't know that they get to choose their own name. Well, yeah, you got to choose your communion. His name's like Robert, but he's like Pope Leo. You got to choose your own communion name. I imagine it's the same shit. Like, what was your name again? Like, Frederick? No, Nicholas. Nicholas, okay. Well, there you go. It's the same idea.
I think they probably do that in order to be in line with, like... Tradition? Not just traditions, but, like, probably so they, like, find... Like, they're kind of like... in line with maybe who they're taking the name after. Oh, like who you're most like? Yeah, like who they want to most follow in their poping. Isn't there like 15 Pope John Pauls? Well, no, I think there was only two. Really?
Pope John Paul and Pope John Paul II. Were they back-to-back? No, I don't know. I know JP2. Yeah. I know CMC. I know Benedict. What about JP the OG? JP the OG? I don't know anything about these guys, to be honest with you. Yeah, me neither. And we should probably be careful so we don't blaspheme. We're only just talking about their names. We're okay. We're not blasting anything. We're okay.
They're just names. Yeah, what are you worried about? Are you scared of God? You're not even a God guy. We are doing a show in Chicago. Do we invite the Pope?
Do we invite the Pope to the show? Just like, yo, bless our show. Do you think that we could sell out a theater at the Vatican? Have you been to the Vatican? I have. What is it like? What's the surrounding? It's the only completely... Isn't it the only country that's entirely in another country or something like that?
But like five years ago, even I was like, I don't, there's nothing in my life. Whenever I was someone to ask you, like what's, what's the first thing you would grab or like, what's the three things that you would grab if there was a fire in your apartment? My mind would just go to like, what's the most expensive stuff. So it's easy to replace.
I don't know the facts about it, but... It is also the smallest country in the world, too. It is. That's also true. But how big is it? It's just a big, big, pretty church. Also, there's catacombs down there. Speaking of buried on top of dead bodies, is that where they put all the popes? I think so. I think so. They throw all the bones down there. Throw the bones down there?
I think that is the Vatican. This is probably a very stupid question, but like the Vatican is not just that building. It's like a little city around it. Yeah, Vatican City is the name of the country. So like what is that like? They got like a donut and shit? Those gift shops probably go hard, dude. So many gift shops. Oh my god. Really? So many gift shops. You can buy everything.
Holy water's probably... You can? Fucking $20. It's from the brook. It's right there. You know what I mean? That's like taking a cup of water from a river, go to the Vatican. You're getting it straight from the source. That's some pure spring water. You know what I'm saying? You can kill a guy and drink the fucking holy water there. That'd be totally fine. Can you drink holy water? It's water.
Yeah. What did you think holy water was? I thought it was something different. I'll be honest. No, it's just water that someone was like... That's it. One more time. That's what it is.
Yeah. I think of all the chain restaurants you know, what do you think would make the most sense to be in Vatican City? Chick-fil-A. They have been pretty consistent with their messaging. So, yeah. They're like, you know. They're like, yo, we're so holy that we hate gay people and won't open on Sunday. Isn't that what they say? I could think of one. I'm pretty sure. I might upset some people.
I'll tell you offline. Wait, you could think of one? I could think of one that would line up with some stuff that has happened in the past. What? Oh. I know your answer. Yeah. Subway. Yeah.
Little Caesars? Caesar? Roman? No? All right. I don't know what you're... We're coming off the heels of Subway, and I was like, what are you talking about? That's fair. Well, if they did... I mean, Subway would have great marketing. If they did a... Like, it was like a foot long. If it was like $5 foot long, but it was in a cross. Ooh, a $5 cross long. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that would be good.
Because you can get two different sandwiches. Let me get a pizzola, chicken pizzola. I used to order that from Subway. I know. That's what you used to get. I remember very clearly. Yeah. That thing was soaking wet with sauce that you used to get. I used to tell her, keep going with the sauce. When I got this thing, I would douse mine in oil and vinegar. Listen up.
It was never like, Oh, there's this something that's really important to me. Like a pen or some shit. Crazy, crazy. I've been collecting things meaningful to me my whole life. I know. I guess you're just, you don't care about stuff. I mean, I wouldn't say that. I just think that you... I think the obvious answer is the most important thing you would grab is Charlie.
I used to, like, dirty talk to the subway. Basically, I'm dirty talking to the people at Subway when I'm like, put more sauce on it. Go, go, go, go, go, go. Make it fucking saucy. Oh, my God. More, more, more. Toast it. Leave it in. Leave it in. Toast it. More cheese. More, more, more. Make it more crunchy. Yeah, you can't order from Subway without it sounding a little sexual.
You're like, banana pepper. It's just like, what kind of bread do you want? It's just like, oh, garlic herb. Yeah. Oh, let me get that garlic herb. And then they open it up and they're just like, they, like, split it open for you. They're like. They literally... Yeah, yeah, yeah. This bread? Yeah. This one, do you want a six inch or a foot long? It's like, what the fuck?
What do you think I'm here for? Get the fucking foot long out. What do you want? You want some oil on it? Yeah. She's like, give me some more oil and vinegar on that. More? Yo, anyone who walked into a subway in order to six inch is a fucking bitch. Okay? Yo, I've never in my life... Ever in my life... Got anything other than a foot long Subway sandwich. Six inch. Who are you? A bitch?
Or the kids one? Bro, if you bring your kids to eat at Subway. That motherfucker better get a foot long too. I don't give a fuck. Just bring them to McDonald's, dude. Just bring them. Six inch. This is America, dumbass. And now we got the fucking, the Pope. Now what? Now what? Now what? We got a Chicago Pope. Hell yeah. What's gonna, now, what are you gonna say?
Chicago Pope, he's out there, he's like, eh. I really want to hear him talk. Really do. Is he an old fuck? I'll be honest, I don't want to hear him talk. Is he an old bastard? He looks like he's in his, like, 60s. Oh, that's young. Yeah, he looks kind of young. He's a young guy from Chicago. Get the fuck out of here. He looks like he's in his 60s, maybe 70s, but like... I might go visit this dude.
I mean, maybe. You're not gonna. Why not? What, are you gonna go visit the Pope? I want to see the Vatican. Okay, you could visit him, though. It's different. Well, I'm not gonna, like, fucking go have dinner with the guy. But if he drives by in the Popemobile... Bullshit. If the Pope hit us up tomorrow, I was just like, yo, I want to have dinner with you guys and bless your show.
Frank, we're going, and I'm asking him about how much he loves Chris Bryant. What?
And they're just like, you're the new Pope. 69-year-old Pope, you know. Pope fucking Coach Ditka. Bro, if he was the first American pope and he was voted in on April 20th and he's age 69, my head would have exploded. And imagine he came out and his robes were just like weed socks. 420. Oh my God. Jokes aside. What does the Pope do? Can he like do some shit? I'm sure.
Oh, we're not counting humans and pets. Like how you said it with humans. I thought you were going to go, we're not counting people. I was going to say, then that dog dies. No, yeah. I just, I think like there's something, like I always look at like, even like some like old shoes that I have, I'll be like, wow, this will be cool. Like seeing my kids like run around in them one day.
I think it's, it's like a liaison, you know, between the Catholic church and different countries and stuff like that. I do in all jokes. He's an ambassador. Kind of. Yeah. I think, I hope that this creates more of a sense of.
love and happiness and inclusion on behalf of the catholic church yeah because there has been some times where they've not been those things sometimes yeah most of the time they have not been those things probs um that's crazy though dude shout out to chicago just getting the pope dude they probably lost it oh man that fucking river is gonna run green why green when they run it red chicago when they run it red i don't know why what why does that mean
Well, green is for St. Patrick's Day. Yeah. Red would be for the Pope. It would be white, I think. White? I feel like you've got a better chance of making it probably white. Yeah, you can dump, like, milk or something in it. See what happened? Like, I told one of the worst jokes of all time, and then the conversation was just horrible. I'm sorry, guys. I think I was... Strucken by the light!
What did you even just say? Well... There you have it, folks. I think that's all we can do legally. Okay. Me and Frank are going to take, you know, at some point during the tour, we do have some time off, so we are going to go to the Vatican and have hot dogs with the Pope. Brother, no. In Chicago. If we in Chicago have a hot dog with the Pope. He can't go back to the hood, dude.
Imagine they were like, this is the Pope. He's from O-Block. Fucking Chief Keef up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude. That's fire, though. Hey, man. Let's hope this is good for the Catholic Church. Because... America as a whole... Ain't been doing so hot. I wonder if he was doing his time in Chicago. Like, he was just, like, a pastor at, like, a, you know.
I don't even know what a pastor is, to be honest with you. But, like, he was a priest or something. I don't know, like, the pathway. Yeah, like, the track toward popeship. Because if you're a cardinal, I'm assuming it's like, all right, you don't have to be at the little churches. We'll put you in a big church. Well, I think that the pope needs to be cardinals.
So, like, it's like cardinal is like pope junior. Yeah. So, like, then it's like, oh, shit, there's an opening. Maybe you could jump, like, maybe, like... Bro, can you imagine how fucking mad you would be if you worked your whole life to be the Pope, and then it's open, and then it's like, nope. Someone else Poped over me. Someone else is getting Poped first. I'd be fucking tight.
Also, apparently he had, like, there's, like, betting odds on it. Yeah. And he had a 1% chance at winning at the beginning. 100% chance of winning. Probably a lot of plus money. Someone with insider trading, because you know that's corrupt. Someone's probably on the inside. Oh, well, yeah. Robert from Chicago is going to win the whole thing. Listen up.
I mean like that was daddy's. But do you think they will do that? I think with certain stuff they will. Like obviously. Your old shoes? Yeah, like shoes and socks and stuff. Like I think they will. Socks? You're going to give your kids your old socks? Frank, they're not going to wear those. Here's my socks. No, it's not like ones that I currently wear.
You didn't hear it from me, but Wrigley is a great place during this time of the year. It's like, huh? Damn, that's crazy. So all the Cardinals. Yo, how hype would you be if he sings take me out to the ball game at like the next Cubs game? I just want him to get at that because I'm used to the Pope just being so old that you could barely understand them.
And then they're all they also like, you know, I'm just I'm just not expecting a 60 year old fucking guy from Chicago out there. You're not a very I wouldn't define you by any stretch of the imagination as a religious person. You couldn't tell from the last 20 minutes? But if this guy, in his first official press conference as Pope, if he does this, tell me if you're completely back in.
If he's just like... Feed up. So my plan is, by the end of the year, 20,000 Hail Marys, supplement with an Our Father. Like, how pumped would you be? And then he just, like, cracks open a light strike! This is, like, the perfect way to get out of a bad joke. He's just going right to the light strike. And just cracks it open. I've done it twice so far.
And he's just like, you know, like how, like, when people crack open a, like a, what would he do if the Pope sat down with a 40 and, like, just a pack of cigs? I don't even know, dude. I mean, him kicking his feet up would probably be enough for me. I'd be like, damn, this guy's really on to something. He's like, we got to change something. We got to change this, the whole thing around.
I don't know. What if he, like, makes it? Will you go back to church if he was just like, at every Sunday mass, every person that comes in gets a hot dog? And crinkle fries? I'll go. And crinkle fries. If he throws in a crinkle fry, I'll go. Best fry. I'm not having this conversation. We don't need to because all fries. Best fry, go. Steak fry. Yep. Oh, yeah. I was gearing up to yell at you.
I'll go steak fries. I think fries are one of the most overrated things. Steak fries? I think fries, period, are overrated. I remember you said that. You like onion rings. I think that shoestring fries, I would literally rather eat my legs. Light strike! Ladies and gentlemen, I think that is all we have for today. Frank, where can they find you?
Also, you guys, like Frank said earlier, go to TheBasementYard.com. Our shows are posted there. So if you're coming out to the shows also, don't forget to go to TheBasementYard.com and submit your stuff to our show. And sometimes we read those things out at the end of the show and we have conversations with people in the crowd. Come out. Come see your boys.
You know, our time is going to be split between the tour and the Vatican now at this point. So, yeah. So come out to our shows. Go to TheBasementYard.com. Get tickets. And, yeah, that is all. See you guys next time.
It's like socks that I had previously worn that I saved for them. Yeah, no, that's what I'm talking about too. That you have old socks. I don't wear them all the time now. They're in storage. Frank, they could be in the Smithsonian protected. It wouldn't matter. Old socks that you wore. What is your attachment to these socks?
Some of them just have a story to them, like when I got them, what they are. Is there one that, like, stands out? Like, here's a story about these pair of socks that I can't wait to pass on. Not at the moment, but I'm hoping that something will come to me before.
How much was that shirt? I don't know. Was it too much? Yeah. What's the most you've paid for a t-shirt? A t-shirt? A t-shirt. I mean, we know the polo, the Gucci polo. We know about Gucci polo. Which I donated. Yes, which is crazy. What was I going to do with it? Hand it down? No, I get it, but like... I don't know. It's dumb. I don't know. I mean, you know how I feel.
And, like, if I see them, you know how they say, like, you need to feel the energy of something when you hold it, and it's just like, oh. Like, you know you're going to name your baby, and then you hold it, and you're like, oh. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Do you feel that way about your old socks? Well, yeah. Right.
You have 40 pairs of underwear? I get why women have them. Between what I have and then what's in storage. Women have an unbelievable amount of underwear. It's in their ass, bro. It's in their ass. You need a lot because those things are like- But they're cool and colorful and it's like, this one's laced. Shut up, bitch. I got some cool and colorful. I'm sorry. I bitched again.
I got some cool and colorful underwear too. I get that, but it's less of an accessory for men, in my opinion. That is true. They've got matching sets and that looks nice. We don't have matching sets. We don't have a bra. What's it called? You get a Victoria's Secret. What's it called again? The word is escaping me. Penis? Nope. That's not what you get there. Lingerie? There's no men's lingerie.
That's a big industry. That's why women have cooler underwears and stuff. I mean, I don'tβI guess now that you guys are saying itβ 40 pairs of underwear is wild. I would say maybe 30. That's so crazy. But also, likeβ But I never run out. So, like, I neverβI'm never like, oh, my God. I don't run out. I mean, you must if you only wear nine. Oh, you only haveβI'm sorry.
I thought you were saying you only have nine. I have, like, a top five that if they're clean, I'll go out of my way to wear those. So, like, if they're not clean, though, then I go to the other ones, but then I'll do laundry. I just... But, like, do you wear 40 or 30, rather? Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes I'm a little late on... Always flipping them around?
I'm wearing, you know, one per day, and I do laundry. Didn't you switch to, like, tighty-whities, too? No. See, this is why you have to be careful with what you say. I have not switched to tighty-whities. I accidentally bought underwear. But you wore them. Yeah, they're very comfortable. Yeah. And they're not white. And they were gray. And I have a gray and a blue. A gray's crazy. Gray and blue.
Blue's fine. Why is gray crazy? I don't know. It's... You could leave evidence. Of what? Crap? Is that what you're worried about? Anything. I mean, it's a... Can I ask you a serious question? You've got two holes with stuff... What, you think I'm just, like, leaking piss out of my pee-pee?
frank you're a human you're a human being okay everyone's penis has deceived them one day okay fair fair fair fair i did it yesterday can i ask you a serious question yes and i know this might be a little gross for some people Legit. Yeah. When's the last time you had a skid mark in any form of underwear you've worn? In the last 365 days. That's disgusting. I know. That's gross.
I save a lot of, I donate a lot of clothes and I save a lot for my kids. Right. So some of the shirts that like nicer, like shirts like this. He saves them for their kids so he can, they can get them one day and then donate them. It's funny because most of the stuff that I have for my kids is like graphic tees. Yeah. Because that stuff always comes back around. You know what I'm saying?
But it's not every day. I mean, it's still gross. Control your butthole, dude. It's... I know. I mean, dude, accidents. Honestly, how? Accidents what? Like, I think... Oh, like you flew too close to the sun. No. Well, that did happen too when I had fucking food poisoning. Yeah, okay. And that was fucking crazy. You flew too close to the sun and you were like, oh, oh, oh.
Well, yeah, I had food poisoning, and I was just, like, literally dying. I had neurovirus, and I was just, like, shitting every five seconds. Neurovirus or food poisoning, there are holes in this story, just like, apparently, in your penis. Apparently, it's crazy. We all have one. We need that. We need the hole. But, yeah, just, like, an accident, you know, or, like. Just like a little crazy.
I'm not saying I'm shitting my pants and I'm like, I got skid marks every day. I mean, in theory, if you have skid marks, you're shitting your pants. Why wouldn't you wear white underwear though? Because I am an adult male. But like also because like, bro, just in case. Honestly, if I was younger, not me. I couldn't tell you the last time there was like something and I just went like, you know.
I mean, it's like having car insurance. No, one of those is required by law. No. So it's like having car insurance to me because it's like I'm not saying that because I have car β I'm getting car insurance because I get into accidents all the time. It's just in the event of an accident, I'm covered. So I'm not going to wear white. I'm not going to wear gray.
I'm going to wear dark collars just in case there's an accident. Then there's nothing crazy going on. I guess. I guess. You're working really hard to get me to follow you there. And you know what? That's fine. I just, I don't see. Honestly, do yourself a favor. Go out and pop. What? Go out and buy yourself underwear. Like, legit, like, underwear. You know what I'm talking about? Whiteys?
It doesn't need to be white. It could be any color you want. Wear it and tell me, like, it's not kind of fire. I'll be honest with you. I'm over- Why'd you do this? Because, like, they come up around the thighs. Those are whites. No, they- You're just- There's more- They don't need to be white, Joey. I'm just saying, like, tidy- Tidy whitey. It could be tidy- Tidy blueys. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah.
You know what I'm saying? Those to me are- Tidy whitey is, like, the shape.
oh like granny panties is like the the term women yeah all right just tighties okay just call them tighties go out and buy yourself tighties and tell me that they aren't kind of superior let me ask you this or actually not let me ask you anything put that finger or maybe i'm am i telling you something do you know i'm asking do you think granny panties would be comfortable to wear
Bro, we spoke about this recently. If I was a woman. No, no, no. I'm saying as a man right now. If you put on a pair of granny panties, do you think it'd be fine? What's granny panties if not tighties? Just thinner. But also the material. I just said thinner. That just beat the fuck out of me, that material. I said that, thinner. No, no, no, it's like a... Am I crazy?
Like, and think about it. Graphic tees in the nineties are like big now. Are they? Yeah, there's a whole, like, companies, like, Culture Kings and people that, like, sell graphic keys. Yeah, but they're selling to, like, us. They're not selling... Like, vintage. Yeah, I mean, us is, like, the people we were a kid at that point in time. That's like us wearing, like, a Cheers shirt or something.
Why is it like, it's crazy I don't have silk underwear? I have a silk smoking jacket. What are you, Hugh Hefner? What are you talking about? I don't have silk underwear. I have a silk smoke. What is a smoking jacket? I think it's exactly what it sounds like. It's meant to be smoked in. But what do you, what does it look like? Like a robe? Kind of. It kind of looks like pajamas. Okay.
It kind of just looks like I have a set. It's the pants and- They're smoking pants? I'll wear them one day. Are they silk? I think they are silk. They're like a shiny- They're shiny as hell. And it feels good? Oh, yeah, it does. Yeah. Yeah. I'll wear them in one day. Is silk hot? I've heard that silk under heat doesn't do well. Because I remember I looked into getting a silk shirt for Radio City.
Frank, now that this moment has passed, okay? Now that this moment has passed. Go ahead. Go ahead. I'll do it. You got it. Go, go, go. Frankie, when we were doing Radio City, he's like, oh, we got to wear something nice or whatever. And then he showed me this shirt. And I was like, oh, you're going to get that? And he's like, yeah, I'm thinking about it.
what's going on everyone welcome to my apartment uh do have an announcement before today's episode we got invited to perform at just for laughs festival is the largest comedy festival in the world okay so we are going to be in vancouver in february on february 20th we're going to be performing at the queen elizabeth theater as part of the just for laughs festival uh we're super excited and honored that we got invited to this thing
I probably wrote that on like a bio somewhere.
Hey, man, that's not nice. You know what?
And maybe we just... Oh, wow. Didn't even think about Terminator.
Maybe you should probably... Well, that's like physical intelligence. That's like... It's not artificial.
Right. You say something of that effect.
We coined. We have a coin. We have a coin now.
Three. Oh. Four. Five. This is the day you choose to say a joke about me. And I look good. Sorry. You do look good.
There's still one big problem. One big fat problem. And why did I go 9-11? I wasn't sure.
No, I wasn't going to say anything interesting.
You know what this is?
Not only that, but where is AI going that that's what you come up with?
Oh, that's what that means.
I'll do you one better. I know the FDNY won't because there is one that I have made 9-11 jokes to and he's not happy about it.
Dude, he saw a clip where we made a 9-11 joke and he did not like it.
What did he say? He was just like, it's not funny.
Adirondack.
I meant secret mics. Secret little mics.
What do you mean?
Speaking of love, do you remember that time when you tried to gaslight me into believing that I said something very, very offensive about African Americans and the Jews?
And you're committing to red.
I will close my eyes and glue them shut.
Don't even attempt to show me that. I'm not. Because I'm not going to look.
We had 9-11 and gaslighting in it, I mean.
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Lime green and red? Why? Because you loved watermelon?
Like Jerry Seinfeld is performing three days later at the same place. It's crazy. But you guys can get tickets to this if you're in the Vancouver area or if you want to come to the show. Just go to TheBasementYard.com. Tickets will go on sale December 17th at 10 a.m. Pacific. Okay? So pop out. Come show love to your boys. But February 20th, Queen Elizabeth Theater in Vancouver. And yeah, tickets.
You must think so low of me that I would believe that.
That never happened. Yeah, it did. Tea section?
You can do whatever you want. I just don't know. I think it's going to have a really tough time getting expense.
That's just the way it is.
Come on. But it doesn't feel like that with what you're saying.
Greg has had... maybe the worst ideas he's ever come up with when it comes to the studio. I don't think that's true. And both of you have ran away with this idea where like, suddenly they forgot that we have a job and it's like, we could do this, this, this. I'm like, there will be no room left. If you want to make this a fucking, Greg has pitched a basketball hoop eight different ways.
And one of them legitimately, he was like, he's like, dude, you're probably going to say no. So like for whatever reason,
He was hitting me with the Keith. He's like, you probably won't like this, but, like, here.
Yeah, he's like, no, you probably won't like it. You're probably going to say no.
I was like, Greg, I'm going to say no, but tell me. And he's like, that room in the back there, like, if we just put down, like, hardwood and a basketball hoop.
I see no changes. Wake up in the morning and I ask myself, is life worth living?
Okay. It's a big room. And they want to put a half court there.
Do you think anyone from our fifth grade graduation class?
My mom's not there. Actually, there's like three women in the office that probably know us.
I mean, I don't know first and last. Miss RG is there. Ah, yeah. I think Miss Watkins is still there. Hey!
I loved her. Yeah, she's awesome.
I didn't know what else to say in that moment.
And also I'm not getting a sauna.
You want me to put a couple of wipes? Pipes. Pipes. Oh, pipes.
But, like, when is anyone going to do this?
I feel like everyone who owns a pool table or any of those types of tables, they used it for, like, the first month that they had it, and they never touched it again.
I was just going to say something so weird, and I don't know if I should say it now. It's going to sound weird, but you know what I mean. Please don't throw me in a hole here.
My mom likes them and I want to slap it out of her hand.
I would never slap my mother. Are you kidding me? Well, good, good. I'd put a stick in my eye before I would do that. But I had a dream.
But I had a dream that I was at a restaurant and there was this weird waiter there. And I'm not gonna lie.
I don't know. That's not true.
This is what it's like being friends with Frankie. You heard that one day. Didn't look it up. No, I have looked it up. I have looked it up.
I've also heard that, but I don't know. Who are you attacking then? Because I don't know it to be true. You're sitting over there like you're Bobby Dreams.
You can't... Yeah, but you can't, like, I've heard it too. You can't create a face in a dream.
There's maybe five people, but I don't remember who was there. And the waiter comes over, and he hands me my food, and then he gets down and kisses me on my hip. Oh. But my hip was exposed. Was I wearing low-rise jeans? what the hell? I don't know what I was wearing, but my hip was exposed and this guy smooched it. He was like, and I flipped. I was like, I was like, what the fuck are you doing?
Say this. Hold on. I was like, what the fuck are you doing? And he gets up and he's like, and he's just looking at me like this. Like, I like it. I was like, yo, get the fuck out of here. And then he turned kind of sinister. Holy shit. And then he looks at me and he goes, you look terrified. And I got out of my chair and I got in his face and I was like, where? Get the fuck out of here.
What's next?
Mouth, penis, Frank, come on.
He walked away. I woke up shortly after that. Yeah. Or maybe I didn't, but that's all I remember.
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Do you think someone was doing it and they were just like pew, pew? No, I don't think that. Not everything is Star Wars, Frank. It's time to grow up. Take the jersey off.
Your background on your phone does that too, right?
You're all about that interchanging photos.
Now they get to see them age.
I got kissed on my hip last night.
You are very flexible. You could get your leg all the way up.
Were you about to say you're a violent guy? I was, but I'm not. Frank, you're definitely not.
What does that mean? I'm desperate for attention or something?
Independent, creative, social, attention-seeking, fun-loving, easygoing.
Charming, confident, manipulative.
Did you hear how I tried to say it? Manipulative. Manipulative. Persistent. Problem solvers. Okay, this is just insane.
I mean, this is probably very obvious, but I have no idea how... I, we, we all know that my parents love Tom.
Yeah. Like the first child, they love Tom. He's the golden child.
My dad would sit at the end of the table. He's never done it. But he would nominate everyone else.
yeah yeah yeah i was within fork range so if i forgot dude i remember when we started to wean that out it felt so weird to be like we could just eat i still have that in me like when i'm at other people's houses you wait i i don't like i don't know like i don't know the right time to eat uh becca's uh family is big into uh prayer not prayer but saying grace and it's always like wait
Get on the horn and make something happen. Show me your value.
Two mice fell in a bucket of cream. One of the mice drowned.
I just remembered I also had a dream last night that I shaved my face, and dude, I looked very bad.
I had like a goblet.
Wow. Are you crying? No, but that's so weird. I just remember that, too. I was like, what the fuck?
That was you. Frank, you probably still have this in your 32-year-old drawer. You probably still have that T-shirt in there.
Where are those?
Yeah, exactly. You added that little thing. Mirror, meet Frank, meet reflection. I don't know what I'm saying yet. But I tried to say... Mirror, meet Frank, meet reflection. Who are you?
Yeah, they make it.
We'll sing. We'll sing songs.
Sometimes she wears outfits, and I'm like, this person looks like they're into bugs.
How much can you say about bandanas?
I'm done with this. I'm losing my mind, I think.
Say it with confidence, with conviction.
Did you ever work in retail to the point where you had to fold clothes?
Pew, pew, pew.
Good, because if you were going to go through your resume, I was going to walk out of here. No, no, no, no, no.
December 17th, 10 a.m. See you there. Welcome back to The Basement. Welcome back to the basement yard.
I don't mean toβ Yo, I don't know howβ Still to this day, I'm not good at folding long-sleeve t-shirts.
Yeah, I just, I don't do that. Yeah. You want to know how I fold them?
So I take how you would fold a t-shirt, right?
Here! I just like, so this is the thing with the long sleeves.
Oh, yeah. I wish, brother.
I've gone down deep rabbit holes of washing Asian women fold clothes before.
But it's like, yeah.
I'm not like, mmm, mom.
Yeah, and you would be that woman's worst nightmare.
Can I guess your favorite color?
Oh my God. Do you think if we sent someone into your house to throw out like 10% of your stuff that you would make it out alive?
would not oh my god dude that would be so funny but see now you're like a like in hoarders when they like stop that stop that bitch no you're not as bad as them obviously there was a woman though that i saw who was obvious hoarding shit yeah yeah feces feces feces i think that's the multiple of feces one is a feces several is feces feces feci
Red is what I was going to say.
Not to be confused with fetuses. There was none of those there. No one's having sex with a woman who's hoarding shit in her house. Human shit. You would be surprised. I would be shocked.
Does it go on your body? You wear it?
I want to cut it open and then I want to squeeze it and have it piss on me.
Wait. Oh, you want to serve nachos in a potty?
I saw something on the internet the other day. Hold on. Before I get into that, just to reiterate, we're going to do this multiple times. There's May 13th, which is tomorrow if you're watching this on YouTube. Presale starts tomorrow. At noon. I almost called it midnight. At noon. 12 p.m.
Thebasemanyard.com. The pre-sale code is basement. Be ready. This is a brand-new show. Okay, it's not the same show that you saw once before. It's a brand-new show. It is going to be so much fun. We are very excited. And just to go over the cities again, St.
Louis, Kansas City, San Diego, San Francisco, Atlantic City, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, Chicago, Toronto, Detroit, Phoenix, Vegas, Columbus, Pittsburgh, Philly, South Florida, Orlando, Tampa, D.C., Boston, and, of course, New York.
No, that was the first time that I saw a wiener.
You guys could fall back on the name of the show. The name is The Basement. Sure. And also all the codes are basement.
You making up a scenario about me seeing.
You know what I want to do? I want to go to one of those restaurants where they call you a bitch.
You know? Like, you show up and they're like, what?
I didn't know where you were going with that. I was a little scared. Well, I didn't want to bury, you know, too far into the episode. We got to talk about this shit.
Oh, no. Didn't the guy was like, you ordered tea and the guy's like, that's gay.
They were filming. I thought he called you gay two days in a row.
I would be nervous about going to a place like that with you because I feel like for the most part it would be fine but I think in a certain mood or a certain thing that someone said And once Frank starts going like, oh, okay, all right, then I'm going to be like, we got to leave now. Because this is going to turn to Frank being like, all right, I've had enough of this thing.
He comes out hot. Yo, you know what's crazy? Yes. I don't know what it is about sunglasses.
You see your teacher at the movies and you're like, you're not allowed to watch. Yes. What the hell?
I don't like it. All right. I mean, I get what you're saying because maybe you're like, dude, the scrubs that you're wearing and the surgery, you're walking through Central Park with those on?
Maybe it's just after work. It's like, oh, I'm off my shift. I'm going to walk to the bar, get a beer with some scrubs on.
But you don't have something that, like, once you started wearing a pinky ring, did you start walking a little more?
annoying like it's hard to fold things really i've never had a weighted blanket so i can't i had one and like laying with it is great like it helps you like sleep and not move and shit but then when i'm up and i wake up it's like here's all right here's the thing
Just circle around. That's what I'm talking about. I hate folding. throw blankets that are just short enough that when I put it on my body, I either have to decide between it being here and my toes being out, or my toes being out and my nipples being out.
I don't know if it's the sunglasses.
You're using your pinky a lot more. Yeah, like I just use my pinky more.
That's the tough part, yeah.
I love a good throw blanket, man. I love a blanket. You know what I like? Actually, I don't even know if I like them, but I like a part of them. You know the blankets that are knitted by old women? Quilts? No, those are different. Like a knitted blanket. I know. Like a crocheted blanket. A crocheted blanket, yeah. Sometimes I like having that and then I put my toes through the holes. I know.
I knew it. I knew you were going to do that. You put your toes through the holes and you're like, oh, I'm wearing this as a shoe. You flare your feet out. And then I wear the blanket like a sandal. It feels good, dude. I don't like that they have such a draft, but I do wear it.
What is I've tried? What is I've tried?
Guys, we're going back on the road. Tickets, tickets. By the way, the tickets. Pre-sale starts tomorrow. Whoa. If you're watching this. Not if you're watching on Patreon. Oh, okay. Okay. Oh, God. May 13th. I mean, you know I can't read all the way over there. That's right. Not with these glasses on. Not with those glasses.
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No, I wear it like a sandal. That's so different.
Do they have two big eyes or mad eyes?
Oh, you're going to keep going on. Okay. What?
okay okay we need to stop being mean to aunt joey yeah yo the comments they were so on your side it's crazy i don't know what like they think that like i made a comment we're like abusive people no no no i was i was saying like they were i did see like it was like one or two comments that were like i don't really like the addition of ant and i said it in passing on an episode or you said it or something and then everyone came to your defense like i love ant
Something like it's time to grow up. It's time to grow up. Yeah.
Because, yeah, I think he was referencing your shirt, your hat, your shoes, and maybe your pants were all the same color.
I mean, isn't it supposed to? Pot! Kettle! Bang!
You're just storming right now.
The forecast is frank. Here's the thing. It's not β you didn't put anything on.
It does in Star Wars, I think. They talk a lot about power. Forceful? That's not a good word at all. That's not something I'm going to call myself ever.
And I was like, all right, love is crazy. No, I love them too.
But you have... Can I, like, funnel it into my car or is it just on me?
That's what I'm thinking. Well, I was going to say, like, I would take a piece of cloth. Oh, you know what I would do? Take my pants off. Oh. And then I would... Tie the bottom?
okay well how how many dimes can i hold let's do some i will shove some in my pockets duh i could probably get like close to 100 bucks in my pocket right how much well how much i don't know how much a dime weighs forget about how much a dime weighs i i dimes are small i can probably fit like 10 dimes is a dollar.
I can fit like $65 of dimes in a pocket.
650 dimes? No. What? How many dimes?
Let me tell you. I would probably take off my shirt and then try to, like, tie the holes of the thing and just shove mad time.
They're light. Dude, you have to carry $5,000 worth of dimes. That's $50,000.
How much money can you fill with your hands?
Who said I can't? Frank, you could fit $13 in your mouth. I would say we should try this.
First of all, that's an exaggeration. You're not getting $1,000. All right.
I have no idea. Let's guess. $100 worth of dimes. So that's 1,000 dimes.
It's not about the weight. It's just about how much I could fit in a pocket. You can't fit that many in a pocket. I could pick up all the dimes.
No, I think that $100 worth of dimes probably weighs somewhere from 8 to 10 pounds.
They're made out of air? It'll get there.
It's not about weight. It's about, like, first of all, you're just changing the rules as we go along. Now you have buckets.
Maybe $150. I don't know.
You got it down the leg? It doesn't matter. That helps. Dude, I could fit four bucks in there, maybe.
And then if I could take my shoes off and carry my shoes, I could do that.
It's rubber. You ever go to someone's house and they have all this change in a giant thing? Like, if you can move it, it's yours.
So do you remember how like I'll think of something or I'll have a dream in the moment and then I'll write it down in my notes app? Yep. I wrote down this thing, and I don't know what time I wrote it, but it was like a middle of the night type of thing. Yep. And I wrote, newborn babies look like if you successfully shoved Elon Musk into a water bottle. Come on, Joey.
We have choices of four, maybe. Dimes, quarters, nickels? Nickels, bro. Get the fuck out of here.
What a bitch-ass coin. Pennies are cooler than nickels.
I don't. I can't. I can't go down it. I've watched the assassination frame by frame multiple times. The Zapruder film, as it's called. I have seen that. Ooh, and we drove by it.
I drove over the spot where he was shot.
Yeah. I don't think you were with us, to be honest with you.
Mama's home. Okay, here we go. ZocDoc, how you doing? Guys, if you want to find...
Before they were sponsored on the show, I was using them anyway, so I'm very excited because I think it's cool. But it's a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment, okay?
and you put in what kind of doctor you want to see either you want to see a primary care physician a dermatologist or whatever it is and then they will show you the ones in your area the ones that are closest to you their next available appointments and their rating their patient review so if patients have a good experience with them they'll have a high rating i believe it's out of five um and then you can book your doctor's appointments okay i've used it multiple times okay i don't think i i at one point i'd never been into a dermatologist until i was like 20. so when i actually later than that i was like 25.
But that's how I found dermatologist because I use ZocDoc. And yeah, so that's what it's used for. So it's great. But yeah, so you can get a same, sometimes you can score same day appointments. They have appointments usually within 24 to 72 hours.
So quick turnarounds like that, but stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash basement to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That is Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash basement. Okay. Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash basement. Go get your doctor's appointments. And lastly here, we have liquid IV, okay? Liquid IV, have them all the time.
I've been running a lot lately, and sometimes I'm really bad with drinking water because we're recording or doing whatever. So after work, if I go for a run and I get back and I'm like, I need to replenish, okay? I'm doing a liquid IV.
You put it in a glass of water. You shake it up. They taste amazing. Right now, I'm running through the lemon lime pack, but they have essential B vitamins, B3, B5, B6, B12, excellent source of vitamin C. On-the-go hydration, okay?
That's what I said. I will be honest with you, right? So I went a lot of my life seeing newborn babies and being like β Let's give it a second before we β with the cute comments, you know, because, like, they just got out here.
And I'll drink it while I'm on the run. But it's great. It'll keep you hydrated. And they also taste amazing, honestly. Tastes like candy.
But you can get ready for the summer with Extraordinary Hydration from Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquidiv.com and use the code BASEMENT at checkout. Liquidiv.com. Use the code basement at checkout and you will get 20% off of your first order. Okay. Enjoy.
Okay. So we got Frank's hair. Don't hate that. Frank's hair and hairline. Frank's ears. Frank's bottom lip.
I just want to look around.
She's so spunk in that song?
I don't know, honestly. I caught myself in the mirror, and I got him.
I was like walking by and have a mirror like this. And I looked and I was like, do I have back dimples?
I got a little back dimple.
But no, there was one where it's like there's a sandwich and it's wrapped up in aluminum foil and there's a bone sticking out.
Is that legal? Can we just make one?
This is a great question. It's not like building a bomb. Like, that clearly is... I mean, I think... We're fucking demonetizing shit now. Yeah. After me saying that. But, like, if... If, like, that I know is illegal.
No, it's in a concrete. It's in a concrete.
What? We both don't know that. I have fantastic aim, Frank.
I can tell you this. I can tell you that my own nieces and nephews, I've seen some pictures, and I was like, whew.
That's chasing your dreams. What do you mean?
That's kind of what happened.
That's insane! Holy shit, that's crazy. There you go, folks. Mine was probably horrendous.
Did you win valedictorian?
Were you in the MVP voting?
What are those numbers? Yeah, they take Italian or language and you get extra credit.
But like every science besides earth science rocks. Yeah. You know what I mean? Chemistry and bio my first year. Did you guys do that too? Yep. Yeah, absolutely. Like my teacher did me a favor by not putting me in summer school.
Imagine this passing is 55.
When I came to your school that one time, you're like the mayor, dude. That was the thing.
I think that's what the... Well, no, spunk is like a mojo or something.
May 13th, pre-sale code basement at TheBasementYard.com. You can get all the tickets.
Kansas City is going to be around there, too. Possibly the 27th, I would say. San Diego, July 10th and 11th. San Francisco, July 12th. Atlantic City, July 18th. Minneapolis, July 24th. Milwaukee, July 25th. Chicago, July 26th. Toronto, August 9th. Detroit, August 9th. Phoenix, August 28th. Vegas, Labor Day weekend. Columbus. September 18th, Pittsburgh. September 20th, Philly on September 27th.
South Florida, October 16th. Orlando, October 17th. Tampa, October 19th. D.C., October 23rd. Boston, November 6th. And New York City, November 13th. Okay, again, May 13th. Pre-sale code is basement at TheBasementYard.com. General sale, which just means that you don't need codes at that point, will be May 16th, also at TheBasementYard.com. Come out to the shows.
Like I said, it's going to be a brand new show. It's a lot of fun. We, like, workshopped some stuff over in the UK, and we're very excited about where the show is and bringing it back to the States. So hopefully we see you guys out there. We're really excited, and thank you for all the support.
Wait, if I would, I got to think you're... Tell me my newborn daughters were just as beautiful.
I can't. Handsome? Sure. Yeah. Now I just feel like a grandma with a handsome.
Oh, there we go. Okay. I thought I deleted everything. Listen, we're going back on the road. Tickets are on sale. pre-sale tomorrow with the code basement at the basement.com as always. Okay. So May 13th pre-sale, uh, we'll start, I believe at 10 AM, but didn't ask that question. Let me type that to Greg real quick.
Yeah. Okay, so St. Louis, June 28th, we'll be in St. Louis. Kansas City, we had a date lined up, and then I think the venue exploded, something like that. The HVAC doesn't work, God knows what, but we're trying to figure out a date then. Most likely it will be June 27th. But by the time you see this, the website will be updated.
So even right now, as you're listening to this, you can go to TheBasementYard.com. You will see the dates there. But Kansas City, we will be there. San Diego, okay, July 10th.
and 11th we will be in san diego uh that's in california yeah correct uh and then on the 12th we will be in san francisco francisco it's a fun word to say it is a fun word to say then we will be in atlantic city in new jersey frank's backyard legitimately yeah well i live a little a little while away from there but backyard is atlantic city yeah And that will be on July 28th.
Then we're going to Minneapolis. Never been there. Been there? No been there? Been there? I connected. About to go.
Not only that, but then on July 26th, we are going to get some hot dogs in Chicago. Coming back to Chicago.
Then... Detroit. Detroit what? We're going back to Detroit. August. You got to be real careful. August 9th. Okay, we're going back to Detroit.
Then we're going to Phoenix.
That's how I remember it. It's going to be 115 horse degrees out there.
Labor Day weekend. We're going to be in Vegas. Vegas. We're going to be there. Unsure of the date, but it'll be Friday, Saturday, Sunday, somewhere around there. Still figuring that out. But Labor Day weekend, we'll be in Vegas. Then Columbus, Ohio. Ohio. We are going to be there September 18th.
Round three for Pittsburgh. Hopefully we can go to a game. I don't know if they're there or not.
Then South Florida, October 16th. We'll be there, okay? We're going to go to the Hard Rock. Then Orlando, October 17th. Tampa, October 19th. Then we're going back to DC October 23rd. We're going to Boston on November 6th. And then we're ending the tour once again in New York city on November 13th. Okay. So we got a bunch of shows now, uh, for the rest of the year.
Okay, pre-sale and general on sale. Like I said, pre-sale May 13th with the code basement at TheBasementYard.com. General sale, which means you don't need a code. TheBasementYard.com on May 16th, okay?
I hope that you have it, and then you'll see. You know what?
Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank. Oh, oh, oh, ooh, ooh. You know how I'm triggered by pointing, so cut it the fuck out. This is the new studio, so you're looking at it now. It's very lovely. Frank, nice little Power Ranger you got there.
30 seconds must have felt like four minutes. I was like... He hasn't even been back there long, so I can't imagine there's anything too crazy going on. But she's like, I just wanted to let you know that we're very big Basement Yard fans. And I was like, this fucking girl just scared the shit out of me. Oh, see, they should have ran with it. They should have ran with it. Bro.
If I was her, I'm telling you, your dog has something crazy on him. It's like, pranked, you've been pranked. Right. I'm a big Basement Yard fan. That's why you're not a doctor. Um, can you imagine this kid has a doctor? It's like, yo, your son died. It's like, what? Nah, he has a fever. Did you ever see, did you ever see, uh, oh, you've never seen Arrested Development.
And have you seen Arrested Development? I have not. The doctor that they consistently run into that just like uses double entendres and they're all like, we don't know what the fuck this guy's trying to say. And they're like, well, I have some bad news. He's going to be all right. And I'm like, how's that bad news? He's like, because the left side of his body is all paralyzed.
He's going to be all right. So she tells me they're big basement yard fans, and they're going to give me $500 off. I was like, what? You better. Insane. The name of this place? You better promote this shit like it's crack. It was the Long City Bond Vet. Shout out to them. Good for you. So then I'm like, okay, cool. Some sort of thing that worked out today. Take Charlie home.
This is where it gets interesting. Get him in the car. They give me all the pills and shit. I drive there. And then as soon as I get out of my car, he walks over to the first tree that he sees, lifts his leg like he's going to pee, and starts firing out yellow diarrhea. Right? No pee. Can I ask you a serious question? I'm not done. Okay.
As the stream gets less and less, now he's just shitting on his own leg. The one that's in the ground. Ew! So he's shitting on his leg, and I'm like, bro, this is so fucking disgusting, right? Yes? You picked the episode where there's food in front of us, enticing food, may I add, that I'm not allowed to eat, apparently, according to you, to tell this story? Yeah. Okay, go ahead.
So it came out like Play-Doh. But it looks good. It is wet. I'm excited, though. Can I get some of the... It's a proper brunch episode, ladies and gentlemen. It is. You know, the boys like to do brunch one way, and that's... Oh my god, this chicken looks amazing. Out of control. And the hot sauce, too. And the hottie sauce. This guy, he knows what he's doing. He does know what he's doing.
So I take him into the house real quick.
I'm trying to find the right time. Just don't eat it here. Okay. Fucking guy. All right. So. No, no, no. No fork and knife. Look, I'm clanging and banging. Look, I'm not clanging or banging. I'm doing this. There's no banging of clangs. I'm just, I'm like removing the meat. By the way, this is good looking chicken. Where'd we get this from? Sweet chick. Oh, never had it.
Isn't that the place that Nas partially owned? Yeah. That's cool. Nas, come on the show. That would be extremely strange if Nas came on this show. That would be cool though. We'll all wait. We'll wait for you. No, no, no. Onward. I'm not clanging or banging. So he's got shit all over his leg. So we go into the elevator. And there's a woman who gets in the elevator.
I'm like, this is my worst nightmare now. Because the woman, what did you do? Are you throwing up? What's going on? I'm trying not to have the sound of my chewing in the mic. Great. So we get into the elevator, and the woman who gets in, she's like, oh, he's so cute. And I'm like, this woman only knew, right? Because his face turned around. Oh, he smells like shit in the elevator.
Bro, the most dog shit you've ever smelled in your life. Yo, she literally keeps checking her shoes. She thinks it's you. No, she thinks she stepped in dog shit. She keeps checking her shoes. She's getting off on like the 16th floor. And I'm like, get this woman out of here. So she's like checking her shoes like twice. She checked them. And I was like, nope, not the dog shoes. Not the dog shoes.
Not dog shit. It's my dog's leg. It's your dog's leg. Yeah. So then I have to put them in the tub. I put him in the tub. This is fucking disgusting. I put on gloves. This is so gross. I put on gloves. I hope that you're not going in. Did you at least take your clothes off? I took my shirt off. So you're shirtless with gloves washing your dog.
There is a whole sect of the internet that is just fucking horny right now. Which one? What porno is that? I don't know. You tell me, King Porno. I'm not King Porno. You're King Porno. You just got horny. You're like, oh, shirt off, wash it off. You think I got horny for you, bitch? You think I got horny for you, bitch? You wish, bitch.
You wanna know why? Because I'm straight, bitch. Oh, dude, I'm telling you, if you were to post a picture with your, with yellow, you were using Dexter's mom's gloves, right? Oh, no, they were white. They weren't long. They were just hands. Oh, so it was just like doctor, like doctor. Oh, wait, wait, you have cloth gloves? They were latex. Or like nitrite or whatever it's called. Nitrite.
He knows what he's doing. He's doing stuff. Although... Thank you so much. One syrup? What am I... What are we doing? Rationing? Yeah. What are we... It's tough out there, Joey. I don't know. The trees, the trees. You know what I've always wanted to eat? I don't know. Rations. Should we do a ration episode? A ration episode? You know how they have, like, canned something?
Is that what it's called? Nitrile? Nitrite? Napalm. No, no, I don't know. They were just white gloves. They were like, they were like latex. All right. And I was like washing them. So some of it got in his tail, right? And the reason why I know that... You had to jerk off his tail. I'm so glad someone else is here now to laugh at me. Because, like, how else would you clean a tail, brother?
I mean, yeah, you got to, like... You have to jerk it. So I start jerking his tail. Here we go. Now we're talking. How are you, were you standing next to him or over him? He's in the tub, and I'm like kneeling next to the tub, so I'm like washing him. Gotcha. And the dude hits a shake. He shakes shit in your face. He didn't shake shit in my face, but he definitely shakes shit on my chest.
He shaked, and there was a streak of diarrhea. From nipple to nipple. And I literally was just like... Move over. I hate today! I think I actually yelled that. I hate today! And it was just like... I was like, bro! I would pay thousands of dollars. You should have seen me. Thousands of dollars to have been a fly on the wall for that. You know the... I have those loofahs that are like a ball.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one that look like... You know, like they're like... It's like lettuce. Twilly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I almost took my chest off with this in the shower. Just... Yeah, I had diarrhea on my chest. Connected my nipples. That is bad. And that's kind of how it ended. I mean, he's still sick right now. He's better, though.
I mean, this would be a really not fun story if at the end of it he, like, died. No, no, no. I just got a text from the vet today, and he said, like, his blood work is normal. Okay. He may have just eaten something that, like, I don't fucking know. Oh, I did give him a hemp chew the day before this happened, so maybe. A what? It's like CBD. You're giving your dog drugs. It's not drugs.
Like, it's for anxiety. I don't know about that. It sounds like you're... I mean, whatever. It's not blowing meth in his face. It's fucking CBD. I love how your dog has anxiety. I wonder why. He just let go of his entire fucking week's worth of food on himself. He's a very sensitive and cuddly guy. You know, they do say that dogs take the personality of their owners, their handlers.
I don't know what the proper term is. I don't want to offend any dog. I mean, I don't have separation anxiety, but I definitely like to cuddle and get close. I have a question. Okay. So you know how there are people out there that like to dress up as dogs and be on leashes and shit like that? Furries, yeah. Are they furries or are they dog people? No, they're furries. They're furries.
But furries is different because furries are like- There's a very sect where they're just dogs. I'm not talking furries because furries are in mascot costumes. They're in big helmets. Those are expensive too. I would imagine. Yeah. But I'm talking the people that wear the ears and the face thing. And they hop over fences. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The person that is in control of them, how does that, what do they call them? Like, are they in a relationship? Oh, like a master dog? Yeah. Like, is that what it is? I think they're the master. You're my dog-dom. Dummy dog. Type in dog play. Is it dog play? You want me to type in dog play? Oh, God, this is my computer. Dog playing. That's just a dog. That's like a playpen. That's a dog playpen.
From, like, canned peaches from the 50s or something? Yeah, like, I'd like to get my hands on some war food. You know what I mean? You gotta be careful, man. Some of that stuff... I mean, I think canned, like, old-timey, like, survival food is different than, like, rations. Like, rations you'll get, like, it'll be like buffalo chicken, but it's, like, pressed into a cake. That's what I mean.
Humans are dogs. Humans are dogs, and they play. Put in, uh, dog... Humans when humans... Human wearing a leather dog face. Human wearing leather dog stuff. Wearing... Leather dog faces.
Yes, leather dog mask. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Boom. Boom. Leather puppy. Oh, it's pup play. Pup play. Puppyhood. It's not dog. It's pup. They're all puppies. They're young. Pup play. What color would you- Whoa, go to that one. That one looks cool. That looks like it's straight out of- Oh my God. You would love that. It looks like a Power Ranger. Honestly- Click on that one. Click on that one.
They got the Puppy Avengers! That's the Puppy Queen! Oh my god. They're about to sing Puppy Bohemian Rhapsody. Which one is the coolest? Go. Honestly, it's... I think the red or the yellow. The red one. I mean, the guy has the... The blue one is clearly the leader, though. Clearly. I don't know. Whoa, dude. That looks like if it was, like, a Proud Boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?
They'd wear that, and then they'd post something that's like, Defend... Oh, shit. These are cool, though. They are pretty cool. Damn, should we get some? No. Okay. Yeah, actually, honestly. I'm down. There's a company. What is this? MRS Leather. Hey, make custom ones for the basement yard. I think it's Mr. S Leather. Ah, that might be it. Let's see. You could make a custom one.
Please select a mask feature. Is that what that says? There's one review. Oh, what is it? What is it? Whoa, this is a long one. It's too long. I'm going to read it. All right. So they're reviewing the neoprene canine hood. Mr. S. Leather has been the name and quality kink gear for my personal journey, and their hoods are, in short, my gateway to home. Okay, good.
Hey, we're not kink shaming here, baby. At all. At all. I will say, have you ever walked around on your hands and feet like a dog in your life? Of course you have. I love it, dude. I think it's fun. Going up the stairs is peak. Exactly. Going up the stairs as a human sucks. Going up the stairs as an animal, really cool. Really cool.
But have you ever tried to go down the stairs on your hands and feet? I'll try it tonight. I'll let you know how it goes. I'll create my will and testament first. We need to find a new fucking co-host here. And we also have ads. He was sitting there waving. Do the ads! I get excited, dude. I get excited. But we do have some ads for today. Okay?
I'm going to have to type in my password here that I don't remember for some reason. Okay, the first one we have here is BetterHelp. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp, which is online therapy. He's using this opportunity to eat. I'm trying to go really quiet, too. You heard no clanging or banging. BetterHelp is online therapy.
If you want to dip your toe into the world of therapy, you can do so with BetterHelp. You can talk to a therapist in just under 48 hours. I've been in therapy for years. I think it's very beneficial. I think that everyone should be in it. But, yeah, and also it's just not for people who you think you have some, like, big traumatic thing that you have to get through or whatever.
That's what I want to try. You want to do that? I think we can get rations. What are they called? MREs? Is that what they're called? Are you asking me? You seem to know a lot. And also, in your spare time, you and your boys eat a lot of shit. So I imagine you would know what a ration is. Yeah, I don't know. Frank, cheers? This smells delicious. We're not going to make it, dude.
Like, even if you feel like you don't have anything, like, any pressing matters or whatever, therapy is very helpful to help you with, like, decisions that you'll be making in the future or just better understanding yourself. At least in my opinion, I think it's very useful in that way. For anyone that would like to start doing therapy, you can do so with BetterHelp.
Go to betterhelp.com slash basementyard today, and you will get 10% off of your first month, okay? That is spelled B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash basementyard right now for that 10% off of your first month. And like I said, I've been in therapy for years now, and I think it's very beneficial, so shout out to BetterHelp. We also have FitBod.
FitBod, it creates a personalized workout routine based on your goals, fitness level, and your experience. It can be very educational because they have over 1,000 demonstration videos. So even if you've never started your fitness journey or you don't know anything about fitness, you can learn a lot from these demonstration videos. You can also do it in the privacy of your own home.
If you don't have access to a gym or you don't have any equipment or anything, they can still create a personalized workout routine that's body weight or if it's just dumbbells. or if you have full access to a gym, they also can create a workout routine for that. And they also track your muscle recovery so you can avoid burnout.
So, yeah, it's like having a personal trainer but better, and you can do it, you know, whenever you want. And you can save 25% off of your subscription, or you can try the app for free for seven days at fitbod.me slash basement. That's F-I-T-B-O-D dot M-E slash basement. Okay, so go to fitbod.me slash basement right now, get that 25% off your subscription, or try the app for free. Enjoy.
Yeah, and listen, if you want company along the way in whatever journey you're taking this year, why don't you bring The Basement Yard, baby? Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard brings more of us directly into the palm of your hands or on your TV, however you consume The Basement Yard.
So go to Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard and you sign up for that first year, you get these weekly episodes one whole week. That's right, seven whole days in advance. And then every single Friday you get exclusive episodes. Just for you and the other patrons that you can check out. So you start and end your week with The Basement Yard. Thank you so much.
The reason we're in this new studio really is because of all of your support, especially the patrons. So we thank you guys. If you're able to take the Patreon journey with us, we welcome it. Also, we have two upcoming shows. We have the shows in Vancouver at the Judgment Labs. What the hell was that? I didn't even mean to make that sound.
At the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival, and then we're doing the shows over in Europe. Let's make sure we specify Europe. Go to thebassbandyard.com slash submit. Let us know what shows you're coming to and submit questions, you know, answers to the responses that we have in there. We did it last year during the shows. We have prompts. They have the responses. Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant.
You know, we did it last year during the shows. They were really fun. People enjoyed them, and we liked interacting with people. It was a highlight for us, too. So go check it out. TheBasementYard.com slash submit if you're coming to those shows, and we'll see you there. All right. Lovely. That's beautiful. What? You wanted the other hot dog, right? Me? Yeah. Oh, alright, well you're here.
So for people that watch the Patreon episode, they know that it was up for debate what I was going to be allowed to put up here because you- Yeah. You brought a lot of toys. I did. Mostly toys. Yeah. But some stuff made it. So I think it's well representative of me and well representative of... Hot sauce! Yeah, today you guys can go get this Bloody Mary hot sauce, okay?
Are you throwing a hot dog? The bun came out! There's a bite taken out! You took a bite of it and you gave it to me? You freak! And the bun! First of all, there are rules. I did, I texted him. No, I meant, you said throw me a hot dog. No, I didn't! I said Joey wants the other hot dog to eat. Can you bring it to him? Greg, you can hear me. I've never seen that!
We're not long enough. Come on! Yeah. Come on, cheers, brother. Cheers. And this has the hot sauce in it, right? Cheers, big ears. Yes, the hot sauce is in here. We made it with the Bloody Mary hot sauce. All right, here we go. Oh, oh, oh. That's not bad, dude. That's good. That's good. Right amount of spice with the hot sauce. Yo, that's actually good. Right amount of spice with the hot sauce?
But also, like, you know that this bite that he took out of it, he was so upset by it, he was just like, This is my cheat. I shouldn't have done that. This is my cheat. I really shouldn't have done that. And he did it, and he was like, He's like, ooh. It's not cheese, so he'll eat it. I am pretty, I'm not even lying, I wanted that hot dog, so. Crush it.
If you didn't want it, well, no, the bun's on the floor now! Eat as much of that hot dog as you can in one bite. I'm not doing this, Joey. In one bite. There are some, don't do it sideways, do it this way. There are some sneaky, that's way worse! There are some sneaky people on TikTok that'll be able to get videos of that, clips of that very quick, and it'll end up all over the sites.
I'm sure as you have sites that talk about your fucking sick feet, there are sites that talk about people that deep throat stuff. I'm not doing it. Nice try, America. Did I tell you that one time someone tried to get me to sell my fart to them? Or sounds of my fart. Yeah. Like a recording of my fart. Yeah, that happened to me too. I should have done that. That happened to me. Someone messaged me.
Remember their name? Their name was Fart Slave Frankie. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Fart Slave Frankie. Oh, I thought it was like Fart Slut. Close enough. Yeah, same thing. But they wanted my farts. I have too much pride to record my farts and sell them. I don't. I just will for the right price. I will sell a recording of my fart. So I think we talked about this a while ago. Has your price changed?
Has it gone up? On my fart? Yeah. You have more valuable farts than you did three years ago? If someone was willing to offer you, like, yo, next time you fart, take a video of it and just send it to me and I'll send you X, how much would that have to be? Per fart? One sitting of fart. Am I paying taxes on the money? No, it's cash. It's not cash. It's a Zelle.
Who do you think you are? Queen Elizabeth? Bitch, you have to set your standard high to make your farts more appealing. Yeah, Frank, you're not selling it to me. I'm just saying this is business 101. We need to get Jordan Belfort over there of farting. I mean, if you're going to ask me. Sell me this fart. Sell me this fart.
I think if you want to make, my farts are only going to have more value if I put them at a higher value. Think about it. Where are you going to settle, though? I would settle on $350,000. you know Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
It's actually good. It's actually good. Also, I'm going to say this. I made it. Yeah. I made the drink. It's not bad. So maybe all the ones that I've had in my life that I've hated, you're already on the hot dog. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. Frankie, you are the most disgusting piece of bastard I've ever seen in my life. That's good. You're dipping a hot dog in the Bloody Mary? I mean, we're in Rome.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
We're not in Rome. We aren't anywhere close to Rome. We're close to the room. I'm gonna put my syrup on. In some other places. That's correct. This is good. Can you get me one of the... Actually, I don't need it. Here we go.
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Is it bad? Is it miserable? There are people on the internet that love this shit. Yeah. People that have, like, big, fat crab legs and they're like... Yeah, dude. I have a theory. Not a theory, but like... You've thought enough to establish a theory for mukbang? No, so like when it comes to food mukbangs, there's like very specific ones that each race does. Frank, what the fuck are you doing?
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These are brand new desks. Frank has already gotten salt, pepper, and a tube of hot dog all over it. I've already wanted... Are you performing surgery over there, sir? Oh my god, this is disgusting. I've always wanted to try this, ever since I saw that Asian guy doing it at a baseball game. He's using the hot dog as a straw, aren't you? Oh, I broke it. I need to play it like a flute.
You fucked it up. Or, or, or, or. I just turned to a seal. Oh. I almost went back. Olivia. Olive. Bro, her name was Olive. Olive what? Branch. Olive. Olive oil. There it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. That took you too long, dude. I honestly didn't know her name at the beginning of that. Yeah. You know, that was my nickname as a baby. Olive oil? Popeye. Why? What's so funny about that? Look at you.
You don't look like Popeye. As a baby, I would always do that face. Oh, okay, yeah. And smoke cigars. Right. And I had massive tumors on my forearm. And I had a tattoo of an anchor. Why? He's a sailor, bro. Was that a thing that sailors were like, I love being a sailor so much, I'm going to tattoo it on me? You know how the basic girl tattoo is like a dream catcher? Dream catcher, yeah.
Butterflies. Butterflies. For men. It's names and numbers. It's Roman numerals. Yeah. Crosses this. Oh, no, the worst one I've ever seen is I knew someone that had their first and last name, like one on each arm. That is bananas. That is the worst one. Having your own last name across the top of your back? Bro. I'm trying to think if we know anyone that has that.
I mean, I think a lot of people have that. Bro, did you ever see... We should just make this a back tattoo talk. Did you ever see Hulk Hogan's back tattoo? One of the worst I've ever seen. Is it worse than Ben Affleck's? It's in different ways worse. I've never seen his tattoo. Look at this piece of shit tattoo. What does that say? It says immortal. Immortal? That is so bad.
Well, his name was the immortal. First of all, his back looks like someone's spreading their asshole open. Doesn't it? This poor guy, babe. That looks like a bunghole, dude. Babe, babe, this poor guy's had like two dozen back surgeries. Poor guy. Yeah, well, actually, yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously, there's some. Yeah, no, that's bananas. That's bananas. Now bring up, go do Ben Affleck's.
I like Ben Affleck. I like Ben Affleck, too. I love the account. That back tattoo is amazing. It's a bad one. It's a bad one. I think because it's just like, I think in theory it wouldn't be that bad, but just like on him. What the hell are we doing? Of all places, like that's just such a bad. It's just. Like that is cool if it was not on his whole back. That would be cool on a playing card.
How do you feel about like character tattoos? Like people that get like sleeves that are like Pokemon or something like that. I think old sleeves look cool. If it's like... Look, it's like Josh. Josh has sleeves of different horror characters. I think that's pretty cool. Yeah. I mean, it is a little strange that he has It the Clown. Does he? Yeah, he got Pennywise on it. I'm sure it looks great.
It does. It does look good. He's going to be pissed when he sees it. He's going to be like, fuck the buppa. No, but this is kind of like... It's just, it's so out of nowhere. It's, yeah. It's just, like, that's the thing. If he was, like, openly just, like, love talking about phoenixes, I would get it. That just looks like a Moltres. No, he wishes it was a Moltres. Oh, here we go.
Some deep cut Pokemon. Go ahead. Who is it? No, I'm not going to say any Pokemon. But I'm saying, like, there's a lot of blue on there. Like, if it was a Moltres, yeah, we got to see some of these. Oh, no, no. I'm not going down here. Jesus Christ. Um, yeah, no, that was, uh, that was a bad one. You ever see Steve-O tattooed a penis on his face? Yeah, he got a penis coming into his eye.
Or pissing, I don't know what it is. I'm sure it's come, but where? It's up here? Yeah. Piss coming in his eye? You didn't see? We're on main YouTube. We're on main YouTube! Well, he goes on main YouTube, he has his own show, I'm sure he's okay. Yeah, but he probably covers the come-eye or whatever. I don't know. We have sponsors, by the way. Oh, we're going right to the sponsors.
He's sucking the hell out of that. Did it work? Yeah. It's good? It's pretty good. Ugh. No? Bad? All right. I'm sorry. It looks gross. And there are a lot of people that are watching this that are like, I'm tuning out already. Yeah. It's all right. But we're here. We're live. We're large. The boys, when we do brunch, we have one speed. And that's, let's do this. Let's... And that's, let's do this.
We do have sponsors. You haven't even touched your chicken, bitch. Well, you know, I'm considerate, I think. We have PrizePix, okay? PrizePix is the best place to get real money sports action. 10 million members and billions of dollars in awarded winnings, okay? People are making money doing this. And you can now win up to 1,000 times your money on PrizePix. It's really easy to understand, okay?
A lot of the other games that you could play and do this type of stuff with, you have to know stuff about the game, this and that. This is a lot easier, okay? All you have to do is pick more or less than the projections, okay? So you're not battling against anybody else except these projections. So we're still in the playoffs. I mean, we're going to the Super Bowl here.
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So you put in a couple of entries, and you do more or less, and then you β Ann is crawling on the ground right now, and that kind of scared me. It's been on the ground for five minutes already. But you guys can do that, and right now, you can sign up today. Download the app and use the code BASEMENT. You'll get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup, okay?
So if you want to have some fun, make some money, like I said, you can win up to 1,000 times your money with just picking more or less of these projections. You download the app today and use the code BASEMENT to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup, okay? Prize picks. Run your game. And lastly here, we have Factor.
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Greg took a bite of this hot dog sans bun. So he took a bite of the hot dog outside of the bun. He got no bun in his bite. That seems wrong, right? Am I wrong? That rhymed. No bun in his bite, right? I don't like that. No, I don't need a bun all the time. Hum? Like, I could eat a hot dog. Like, cut up hot dog. Buns make the dog better, though. We agree. Yeah. Don't, yeah, like that. Yes.
Yeah, with confidence. Yeah. That also wasn't confident. No, I mean, like, yeah, the first one. How's your chicken tendy? I haven't had one. Try it. Well, at this point, it's just been sitting out, and now I'm like. What's going to happen, Joey? Nothing. I just, like, it's not as appetizing to me. Take a bite. I think it's more for show. Mm-mm. Take a bite. Now. I don't know.
It's pretty good. I haven't been to a lunch... I haven't been to brunch in a very long time. Oh, fell in again. What time do you think brunch is? Well... Give me a range. When's it start? I say 10 to 2. Yeah, because like... How hard is that Bloody Mary Hinton? 10 o'clock in the morning, you think I'm going to brunch? I don't know if you... What's the earliest you've drank?
You think I'm like one of your children or something? What's going on over there? That doesn't work on them. I'm hoping it works on you. You're not going to take a bite at all? No. I love celery. Was it you who said celery was delicious? Yeah, I love celery. Yeah. You don't like celery? Or did you say it was spicy? Mm-mm. This is you trying to gaslight me. I never said it was spicy.
I said it has a spice to it. That's why celery- You're a manipulator. No, I'm not! Did anyone just hear that? No! No, no, no, bitch. Go. Because two things can mean two different things. Two things can mean two different things. Yes! Two things can mean the same thing. Two things can mean two different things. Go. Something that is spicy also has a spice to it.
Something that has a spice to it does not necessarily need to be spicy. Frogs and toads, baby. Frogs and toads. Why do you think celery seed or celery salt is a spice that you can use while cooking? Because there is a distinct spice, like a flavor to it. A flavor. A flavor. A spi- but it's more than a flavor. A flavor is flavor. Spice is spice.
Yeah, but all spices are just flavor enhancers or flavor additives. Spicy is spice. No, because technically garlic is a spice. It's spicy. What? If you bit a garlic clove, you'd be like... If you go in the spices aisle, you'll find things that are not spicy that are, you know, like oregano. Is cinnamon a spice? Technically, yes, it is. Yeah. So there you go! It has a spice to it. It does!
Celery has a flavor and spice to it. That doesn't mean it is spicy. But what is the spice? Like, what do you describe? Just like a- like a peaked- like, it has like a peak of- of flavor. Like there's something- But what's the difference? But it comes to a peak. Like it comes to like more of a sharp edge than like a duller flavor. Does that make sense? A sp- so a spicy taste? No. It's not spicy.
Spicy is also subjective, you bitch. So, like, what is spicy to me may not be spicy to you. Right. Are you good with spice? I'm very good with spice, yeah. Really? Yeah. You think you're better at spice than me? Without a doubt. Really? Without a doubt. Oh, are you an atomic wing guy? I used to, yeah. But you don't anymore?
Anytime we would go, this is going to be, you can immediately pick apart this argument. But like, anytime when we were kids, we would go to Hooters, which we did pretty often. I wouldn't say that. We went like a couple times a summer. Frank, I feel like I've been to Hooters maybe four times in my entire life. Might have all been in the same summer. I've been at least a dozen times to Hooters.
That's insane. No, it's not, is it? You went for the waitresses? Not half of those times. No, no. Honestly, no. My fraternity also did an event at Hooters. Oh, you and the frat bros going to Hooters. I'm sure it wasn't about the tats. It wasn't. It was during recruitment week. We were trying to show off that we had free... Show up for all-you-can-eat wings. We're paying for it at Hooters.
Who doesn't want to join that fraternity? Wait, do they have all-you-can-eat wings? I don't know if they still do, honestly. Do other countries do all-you-can-eat? Because that, to me, sounds like bananas. It is the most American thing on the planet. Like, pay a flat rate and just get all of the food, all of it, as much as all of it.
Unlimited fucking... Let's see, Brazil... Fettuccine Alfredo? Yes, other countries have all-you-can-eat buffets, including Brazil, Hong Kong, and Japan. Okay. Buffets are different. I'm saying, yeah, like, at restaurant specials, like, do they have, like, Tuesday is all-you-can-eat wing night? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm sure they do. If they have buffets, like, why would they stop at buffets?
I guess. I haven't really been to many buffets. Man, when's the last time I went to a buffet? I went to King China Buffet. That was like the place to go when we were kids. They had a koi pond in the front. It was so cool. I used to throw quarters in there. I didn't realize that I was killing the kois. You absolutely were. Absolutely was hurting the kois.
And that was like the place that like for like fifth grade graduation, like all the people went there after fifth grade graduation. Mine was Neptune Diner. I would go there, get giant pancakes. And then on the way out, they had a little bowl of mints and I would eat all of them. I love sucking those mints. I love sucking those mints. They have a little jelly in them. They do. And they're dusty.
I think we've done this together. We've drank at like 8 a.m. Yeah, when we were like fucking 17. It was sick, right? Wrong, 21. Yeah. Yeah, I don't see anything wrong with it. But like a morning drink, maybe it was the potential of alcoholism at the time. I think so. That hits way harder than an afternoon drink. My Irish roots were really coming through. Yeah, they were present and available.
Yeah, that was crazy. That was wild. That's insane, dude. Yeah, that was wild. Crazy. Yeah, but they do have like a little jelly. You sucked them until the jelly came out on them. Yeah, well, I would bite them. Oh, dangerous. No, no, no. They weren't hard. They were like the dusty ones. So you like the salty, oh, like softer ones that you could bite to remove the jelly. But you know what I mean?
We're just abusing our ability. I wonder if it'll show up. Do people know what they are? Boom! Yeah, no, I remember those, baby. Dusty Diner Mints. Get a couple bags of those bad boys. By the way, for those of you guys that weren't on Patreon, Ant is now our guy in the chair. I forgot about that. Yeah, Ant is our guy in the chair who is now doing whatever we ask him to do, basically. And thank you.
Black tar heroin. Why do you have, like, you're on a first name basis with black tar heroin that you just give it a nickname? Yeah. No. But, dude. Those are so good. A dusty old diner is so sick. I love it so much. I really do. The purple ones of those, you see how they're filled with the jelly? The green ones are the best, brother. Green are good. I like the red ones and the green ones.
I mean, the orange ones and the... If you ever handed me a yellow one, I'll tell you right now, I'm throwing it against the wall as hard as I can. The yellow ones, I actually like yellow-flavored shit, and people hate it. These yellow ones are garbage. I don't like yellow-flavored stuff. The fucking purple ones, I'd rather eat. Well, those are black licorice, aren't they? Disgusting.
I think they were black licorice. Why do old people fuck with licorice? That's all they had for fun back then they would be like hey look we got this chewing gum that when you chew it turns black and guess what it's licorice flavor. What the fuck is that? What's wrong with you sad fucks? Yeah. You had cooler cans and way of opening cans. That's it. But that's it dude.
Old people just like their shit. And then wax candy. Wax candy. One time my grandma got me these things it's like oh it's wax lips and I put it in my mouth and it makes you look like you have big lips and I tried to eat it and I'm like grandma You suck. I'm eating a fucking candle. You suck, Grandma. Why am I eating this? Yeah, I remember my mom, and she gave it to me once.
She's like, it's like chewing gum. So naturally, I tried to chew it like chewing gum. It's not. You know what it's like? Wax. Yeah, biting into a candle. Oh, my God, it sucks. Into a Yankee candle, which I would bite some of those. Dude, I don't know if I ever told you this story, but in seventh grade, because remember, I went to the new school in seventh grade, and...
That sounds like I got, like, shipped off or something. I went to boarding school. I went to the school, but it was, like, the promise. Like, the science rooms had, like, science-y tables. You remember those science-y tables that had, like, the black, like, chalk-like. And they had a sink. A sink in the middle and shit like that. Bunsen burner. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And our science teacher, he was going over what we were going to be doing this year, and it was cool shit. He showed us that experiment where you dip a can in hot water, and then you immediately go to cold water, and it just fucking crushes. Oh, that happens? You've never seen that? No. It's crazy. He showed us the one where like he puts like liquid in a cup and then it just like turns black.
Oh, yeah, I've seen that. And then at the end of everything, he's like, it's going to be he was getting like so dramatic. And he's like, it's going to be like we're going to like blow your mind. Science is everything and anything. And he lit a candle. And he's like, science will make you question your perception of reality. He blew the candle out and then ate it. And I was like, what the fuck?
Yeah. I'm just, I think 10 to 2 is the perfect brunch time. I was thinking like noon to 3. Noon is lunch. By definition, noon is lunch. By definition. Definition of lunch. But what's a brunch? It's breakfast lunch. It's in between breakfast and lunch. Lunch doesn't end at noon. I say breakfast, here we go.
Why did he eat it? This was crazy, dude. Yeah. It blew my mind. You definitely thought, that's so cool. I did. And then I found out that he was a fucking fraud. It wasn't a candle. It was a piece of string cheese. I was so pissed about this. It was a piece of string cheese. And he cut the... He cut like a sliver... of an almond and put it in the top and lit it so it looked like a candle.
So he was like, candle, and then ate it. I was like, yo, this guy's crazy. We're going to do crazy shit this year. He just ate a candle. It was just string cheese with an almond. I love how that is what got Frankie to be like, yo, this guy ate a candle. This class is going to be sick. I would be like, what the fuck is going on, bro? I would give him a shout out, but fuck him. Damn it.
That pissed you off, huh? I was- I was- Wait, how long- When did you find out? The end- It was, like, weeks if not months later. So, but you were devastated. Of course I was. How'd you find out? You asked him? I think someone had, like, asked and he told them, or, like, someone figured it out. He's like, oh, string cheese, you dumbass. Yeah, basically. I remember being so upset about it, too.
What? I was just like, wait, that's not real. That's not a, yo, we were bought in. I was so bought in to the science class. Your world came crumbling down. And then I just found out it was string cheese with an almond. I love how you were so impressed by that that it was devastating to you. That he ate a candle. So upset. Did he eat the whole thing? No, he just took a bite.
And it was like at the, literally it was as like the bell rang. Cause you remember teachers would be like, the bell doesn't dismiss you. I dismiss you. It's like, your dick is small. We get it. We get it, dude. And he'd be like, all right guys. So look forward. I'll see you. Cause we had like every other day classes. So if it was Monday, he'd be like, I'll see you on Wednesday. And never forget.
We didn't need that detail at all. Well, it was at the end of class. And it was like, I'll see you on Wednesday two days from now. And never forget. We had a whole day off to be like what the fuck is this guy gonna do next class Yeah, and he was just like and never forget. We're gonna have a fun year science is everything And we're all like, what the fuck? What grade was this? Seventh grade.
Seventh grade, okay, that'll do it. Just the sweet spot of you still believe in the magic of the world, but then people start talking to you about the Bush administration. Yeah. Yeah. See, that's what you had, and then I had my Chinese-Spanish teacher that was failing me relentlessly every time. Oh, I had a Spanish teacher that hated me, too. Yeah, yeah.
All my Spanish teachers besides... Wait, did I take Spanish in sixth grade? My seventh grade teacher was this Chinese woman who absolutely hated me. Yeah, we know. We remember the whole story. Yeah.
yeah we get it do not bring it up our spanish teacher the reason she hated us it made sense her last name was madera which is wood in spanish what did anyone hear the ghost that's miss madera yeah wait so would you say oh she she got so many wood jokes like boners Oh. Yeah. I thought you were just making, like, wood jokes, and I'm like, yeah, you got her. No, no, no. Like, you know.
Breakfast, anywhere from 7, it could even be earlier because people, you know, let's say 5 to 10 is breakfast. Bro, no way. If you wake up at 5 and eat, you're disgusting. That's insane. No, people do that because they have to. That's bananas. I mean, people work early, so they have to. But, like, delay it. Have coffee and then eat like an hour later. No, no, no.
Did you, because I remember in high school, did you show the priests in your high school your boners, or? I think that's not appropriate, honestly. I didn't have any, I did have, I had one brother. What are those? What are brothers? Monsinger? Monsinger? Monsignor? Monsignor. Yeah, but it's spelled with a G, brothers. Yeah. Is that what it is? Monsinger? What's a brother?
I think it's just like a guy. Like a guy who's almost there? A guy nun. Like a male nun? Like a dude nun. A gun. A religious brother is a man who takes vows of poverty, chastity. First of all, he was going to pay. Poverty. And obedience. What did we mean by, well, obedience, I get that, to the Lord. Yeah. You got to obey that. Chastity, that makes sense. Chastity, is that no puss? No sexies.
No puss? And, uh. Vow of poverty? Poverty. He's definitely getting paid. I mean, that doesn't, that I don't understand. Like, you choose to live in squalor to feel more connected to God? Is that a thing? I don't know, but I'm confused why there's not a vow of being a fucking asshole, because that guy was an asshole to me. Really? Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, he was.
I always wondered, and I think I have asked you this before, but your science classes, where do they draw the line? Do they just start and stop at earth science? I'll tell you this. Or they'd be like, and the rivers run because of this and that, and then because of God. No, so it wasn't like that. Was it for you?
Really? I swear to God. Really? You want to hear what I had? That's weird because... By the way, for those of you guys that don't know, Joey and Ant went to the same high school. Right. Different times. Ant's like six years old. Okay. No. I had my... This is actually kind of funny. My science teacher was a gay man, right? Not out at the time. What's hysterical about that?
You're saying like the thing that's like teaching science in a Catholic school, you're like, where are they drawing the line? And he was gay. So he had two strikes on him. He wasn't like out gay, but he was very obviously gay. Then I had another teacher who taught sex and religion. Was that the class? So sex and religion, who was trans.
like was like since then has transitioned or at the time was transitioning no it was like like yeah wow I think maybe in the middle that's pretty cool well I was like I didn't think about that until right now when you said it like where they draw the line in science like it was a regular science like we did chem and biology that's pretty cool that's that's yeah cool in the sense like that they accepted her did I ever tell you the story about that class no uh oh true this is true right
Well, I think I've said it before, honestly. So on the first day, the teacher was like, we're just going to make everyone comfortable. So everyone's going to go up to the board. And whatever makes you think of sex, write one word on the board. I think you have told me this, but continue. So people are writing like contraceptive, right? Because no one wants to be like nipples. Yeah. Oh, my God.
This is the second version of the hot sauce that me and Greg did. The first one was the Everything Bagel hot sauce, but this is a Bloody Mary hot sauce. And again, you guys, fucking listen. I'm not being a shill because you pay the bills. It is really good, and it does go on everything that I have consumed. I have not had it in a drink. Right. Because I don't know why you'd put that there, but...
Forget it. If I was in that class. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You probably would have pranked the whole thing. I would have. Honestly, if you were, like, in that class, what would you have written to try to be funny? Because I always try to be the class clown. I think I wrote, like, or something like that. Fat tits. I didn't write fat tits. That's insane. But, like, I wrote, like, something.
Some people are on different rhythms than you. I understand that. Clearly not. Clearly not. Too loud? That was loud. I didn't realize he had headphones on. You're in for a world of hurt over there, sexy fuck. That Bloody Mary is beating the shit out of you. Oh, God, it is. You got one sip in them, and it's already going crazy. I'll be honest. This hot dog is doing a lot of work. Yeah, you like it?
Like, I was trying to be, like... 69. There was a kid... I think someone did write 69. There was a kid who was... Strange. You know in the kids in high school that kind of act like cats and you're like, why is this guy meowing? You know what I mean? Yep. There was nothing wrong with this kid. I think that he just... Like cats. Maybe. Yeah. Or he was a cat. I have no idea. Okay. But...
He wrote hentai up on the board, which the teacher didn't know what it was. So he looked it up. No, he wrote hentai, and then as he's walking back to his seat, he was like, what is that? The kid said something like, it's something like when your favorite cartoons are having sex, but all the noises are real. He said something like that. That's a very accurate way of saying it.
Frank, this was the first day of class in our sex and religion class with our transgender teacher. It was... A whole ton. I mean, that's a good way to break the ice. I mean, good for us. The ice was shattered on that day. Okay? The ice was beat to shit. Oh, I wish any teacher allowed us to do something like that. Why? You want a full pass to write penis on the board?
I would have gotten in trouble. That's for sure. Like, if you were giving me a pass to write penis, first of all, there's no way I'm going up there. Big cock! Yeah, there's no way I'm writing penis. People would have... 2007, Joey, if one of us went on the board and wrote penis, they would have immediately...
pegged us as like you would have gotten whoa no i know i i am thinking about it right now we were in high school in 2007 yeah 2006 that is so crazy yeah and you were born in 2008 right no how old are you
Okay. Four years. Five? How old am I? Well, he turned 28 this year. Five years. And it'll be five years because we're turning 33 this year. Oh, my God. Yo, disgusting. Ill, ill, ill. Disgusting. Ill, ill, ill, ill, ill, ill. Ill. Yeah. I don't feel 33. You know what's funny? On the drive-in, I was thinking to myself, like, I still feel like I'm the same person in just, likeβ That's not true.
That's not true. Thank God I didn't but like I still feel like the same person in a sense that I was like my whole life like I don't feel like Like, 2007 was like, it feels like it could be a week ago or 18 years ago. You know what I'm saying? Okay. It just, it all feels like it happened in a short period of time. Right. So, like, dude, 2007 is going to be 18 years ago. It is 18 years ago.
Yeah, when I was younger, I remember thinking of someone who's 23 and being like, bro, get your life together. Like a 23-year-old. I remember, I think we spoke about this recently on an episode, but, like, I remember there would be, like, there was always, like, one girl in our high school, and they were like, her boyfriend's in college. He's 22. And everyone was just like, whoa.
And then, like, now looking back on it, like, ugh. You're like, yo, slap some cuffs on that guy, dude. What the fuck is going on? Crazy, crazy. Yeah. I, uh, yeah, 20 years ago. Yeah. Almost. Can I ask what you're about to do? I'm about to eat this fried chicken that's been sitting here. Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. You're a savage. Hell yeah. You're a savage.
That looked like it tasted really good. Give me that hot sauce, bitch. I can catch. Ooh, a little one-hander. Frank, give him the Bloody Mary hot sauce on a piece of chicken right before we get out of here. Make sure you put the tip of the bottle right where you bit the chicken, you fucking assholes. with you now. It's hot sauce. It sanitizes itself.
Guys, I think that's all for this week's episode. Are you going to say it? I was going to wait until you say what you were going to say, and then I was going to say my things. You can go try the Bloody Mary hot sauce that Frank has in his hand that he's about to... There you go. Go get it at theheatness.com. Go look for the Bloody Mary hot sauce. Thank you for supporting. We appreciate it.
I've been on a health kick lately. Frank, you're drinking a Bloody Mary and sucking it through a hot dog. The health kick is over. The health kick is completely over. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it's gone. I got hot dogs at the house, too, so those are on fucking call right now. I'm telling you that. When you eat a hot dog, is it kind of like a waterfall? You're like, well, I need three. Yeah. Yeah.
Frank, where can they find you? You can find me at FAlvarez885 on Twitter, TheFrankAlvarez on all the forms of social media. Go to Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard to continue to support us. We appreciate you.
And like I said earlier, if you're coming to the Just for Laughs shows in Vancouver on February 20th, 21st, one of those, or if you're coming to the shows in Europe, go to TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Submit the responses to the questions that we've asked you. It's going to be a party. We want to see you guys, and we're hoping you're happy. And that's all for this week's episode.
You guys can go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram at TheBasementYard. We appreciate it. Thank you so much. Welcome to the new studio. Bye. See you next time.
Like, we have hot dogs. We only have four hot dogs at the house right now. Why do you know the inventory? How many hot dogs are available? Like, why do you know that? I just know. You know how many hot dogs on hand you have. No, you don't. Yes, you do. Well, I don't. How many hot dogs do you have on hand? Zero. Exactly. You know how many on hand. But if I had a package. That's the point.
If I had a package, I wouldn't know how many were in there. Yes, you would. No, I wouldn't. Joey, if you bought a package of eight hot dogs, because that's a standard package, small package. See, I didn't know that. Yeah, you did. You knew that, yeah. Standard package, small package. You see that, right?
If you bought a package of eight and you had three, you'd be like, oh, so I probably have five left. You know. Don't sit here and be high and mighty because you ran a fucking marathon and now you eat quinoa and you fucking, you like ancient grains and shit like that. You're a boy that loves hot dogs. You're a hot dog king.
Don't ever let the world, don't ever let the world change who you are in your heart. Who you are in your heart dictates everything about you. Your morals, your standards, the love that you show other people and all of us. All of us. are originally hot dog kings or queens or non-binary places of royal. I don't know. I don't know what the, you know, the, you know what I'm saying?
Can you hear like the amount of bullshit that comes out? Like, do you, what do you, what does it register as? Like you're, you're making sense or do you know it's bullshit? Oftentimes I started a sentence and I want to see how long I can go until I just trip up. That actually makes a lot of sense. There's a lot of that going around. Anyway, I want to talk about yesterday. Okay.
Had one of the worst days of my life. Uh-oh. Like a funny worst day? Yeah, yeah. That was a little dramatic. I was going to say, God damn. But you know me. Pisces. Dramatic. Or sensitive? I don't know. Either way. Do me a favor. I did want to cry. Do me a favor. Yeah. Get the fuck out after that. Pisces dramatic. Apparently, does it? Yo, this is not bad.
Yeah, it's kind of slapping my- The fucking Bloody Mary's not bad. I hate the- I'm going to tell you it's because of this, which it probably is. The sauce is amazing. Go get it. Heatness.com, by the way. Secret Handshake Food Co. Two for two. Just want to throw that out there. Bangers. But yeah, yesterday, my dog woke me up at 6 a.m., and he never wakes me up.
So when he woke me up, I was like, great, now he's got diet doodle cha-cha-cha, which it was true. Oh, the fun little name that your family gave, diarrhea. My mother, yes. Yeah. By the way, this is the family that swears that none of them have IBS. Go ahead. Ooh. Gotta say, metal straws. Yeah, because this one almost just broke my front tooth just now. Your what? My front tooth.
Oh, I thought you said fuck tooth. My fuck tooth. This is an episode, baby. Yeah, all right. Welcome! To the new studio. That echoed. But he woke me up, so he's got di-do-da-cha-cha-cha. So I take him out. Sure enough, he's making espresso out there in the morning, right? God damn it, Joey. There's 90 other ways that you could say that. Yeah. So then we get back upstairs, and I'm like,
But we're gonna put it in a Bloody Mary because we got Bloody Mary! Bloody Mary! We're doing a brunch episode for the inaugur- Inaugur- Inaugur- Inauguration. Joey's really pumped. He's celebrating. He's been celebrating the whole time. How do I say that word? Ina- Ina- Inaugural. Inaugural. Inaugural? Inaugural. But technically, if we want to be- I thought it was gear-ul. Inaugural. Inaugural?
All right, I'm going to take him to the office with me. So me and Greg came here, and we had a lot of stuff to do. The dog is driving me crazy. As soon as we get here, he needs to go out. So I take him out immediately. More espresso, all right? Please. Sing the song. Please. You just can't sleep, baby, I know. It's a butthole espresso. Exactly.
So then we come back in here, and he's being restless. He's going up to Greg. He's getting in my face and breathing and whatnot. And I'm like, oh, my God, just relax for a second. I go to the bathroom. As soon as I go to the bathroom, he throws up on the carpet. Nice. So there's that. Oh, he christened it. He christened it.
You know how people, like, when their friend gets a new car or something, they throw, like, spare change on the floor or something like that? That's the dog's way of christening this new place. The Greeks do that shit, right? The Greeks love that. They tie dollars all over the place. Like, what is this? They're sometimes stupid. Say it. I'm Greek. I can say it, baby.
And this espresso, vegetable espresso is killing me. I don't know what that meant, but God bless him. I can't have alcohol. I know. But anyway, we get in here and he's freaking out. So he throws up on the carpet. I'm like, oh my God, here we go. So, I put him on the couch, and I'm just like, you know, trying to make him relax a little bit. This dude throws up like a fat man. Like a lot.
Like, throws up like, boof. And I'm like, bro. When he throws up, do you hear him heaving, or is it just like a push? No, you hear... Yeah. Yeah, he does that. Alright, I'm about to eat. Yeah. Well, the story doesn't get better. Oh. As far as eating goes. I don't know if it gets better in any other way. I was going to say, how would it get better at all? So he throws up like that.
I'm like, fuck, now I got to take him. You mind shutting the fuck up? Are you forgetting that we're on a podcast? What the fuck is this, kid? Frank, you're not actually at brunch. Here we go, here we go. Shut up, Joey. Me shut up? Frank, you know what? Let's all wait until Frank's done cutting his fucking breakfast. How about that? I shut up hungry. Are you done? Pretty good. Yeah.
So, then, I'm like, I gotta take him to the vet. Frank, you shut the fuck up right now. I hate this kid. I absolutely hate you. Go ahead with your story about your dog. Oh, you know what? Forget the story. Let's just listen to you fucking eat. Let's just do that. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful story later about something super cool.
Or we'll start rattling off names of directors no one's ever heard of. Let's do that. Luca Guadagnino. Okay. Okay. Do you want me to keep going? No. Okay. I'd like you to stop. Drew Goddard. No. Matt Reeves. I meant stop eating and drinking. That's what I meant. All right. All right. Hold on. One more. One more. Onward. Wow. You're really... You're cheat...
I was going to say your cheeks touched in there. You saw that, right? Yeah. All right, go ahead. So anyway, I go to the vet. I go to the vet. Can't find parking. I'm like, what the fuck? So I put it in a hydrant, and I get into, don't you dare eat that piece of chicken, Frank. Don't eat the fucking piece of chicken, all right? This is like having children. You're pointing at no one.
Inaugural? I don't know, but- Look at these bloodies, baby. Look at that. I mean, you have the chicken tenders on yours. I obviously went with a really well-cooked hot dog. What's going on with the bun is my question. The bun. So, Greg, thank you for setting this up, Greg. I appreciate it. But when he heated up... When he went to heat up the hot dog, he also went and put the bun in the microwave.
There's no one over there. All right, shut up, guys. I'm not going to tell the story if you're going to keep doing this. I know that you're having fun, but I'm going to come over there and put you in a chokehold. Okay, all right, all right. I'm serious now. I feel bad about your dog that might be dying. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, shit. Seriously? No. I don't know. He's not dying. That's scary. Yeah?
Will that get you to shut up? Yeah. Then he is dead. I mean, listen, if this was a serious health concern for your dog, then I would have stopped playing around. Oh, you're playing? Yeah. You're a piece of shit, dude. All right, no, seriously. One more outburst. And I'm tearing the walls of this fucking studio down. I will throw all the money away. I don't think you'd do that. This was not cheap.
I will throw the money away. All right, go ahead. Seriously. So anyway, I get to the vet finally. And I put my car in a hydrant. I take my dog out. I walk in. And they take him in the back. And I tell them what's been going on and whatever. And then I come back out to the waiting room. Because they're like, we'll take him in the back. We'll give him meds or whatever.
So I'm sitting in the waiting room. And two minutes go by. And then this girl comes out from the back with a laptop. Well, before I got there, they're like, here's what your bill's going to be. Do you want to do the x-ray? If you want to do the x-ray, it's this. It was $1,700. With the x-ray? With an x-ray. I was like, you know what? I'll just look at them really hard, and then I'll figure it out.
So I was like, I'm not doing the x-ray. You're the person with zero medical experience for humans, let alone animals. Correct. But then the bill was $800. I was like, what? I mean, you don't have pet insurance? I do. But it's still $800. With pet insurance, it was $800? No, I think you have to, like... Oh, it's like rebate? Yeah, that type of thing.
I was going to say mail-in rebate, but that's completely wrong. I mean, that might be, technically. I don't know. You mail in the check, and they rebate you. Yeah. They'll bait you. They'll bait you. Yeah. Master re-baiters. Sorry, that was the... If you're going to produce this show, you can't cough. That was my bad. He's eating, he's coughing. That was my bad. Come on. This is serious.
Yeah, be serious. The dog is fucking sick. The fucking dog is... So I go out to the front, the girl comes out with a laptop. Now I get super scared. That's scary. Because she sits down and she goes, okay, so you're Charlie's dad? I was like, yep. And then she's like, okay, we just wanted to let you know. And I was like, bro, what the fuck is going on right now? That's fucking... That... So scared.
I've done that before.
It's a big red flag.
Okay. And then I'm going to ask you a question.
I don't think.
Be really honest.
That to me is way less scary than being like someone came in, didn't take anything, and killed these two people in their bed. I'd be like, what the hell?
That's so wrong.
Okay. You're telling me it would be absolutely no if there was like two people or let's just say a family that lived in this house for over a decade with no problem beforehand and that was it.
Rig and Tony?
It matters if the thing was sinister or not. That's what I'm saying. If someone just came in, but if someone trying to steal from your house and then killing you because there's a struggle is different than going in and cutting them long ways and opening and laying.
No, I don't know. What makes you think that no one dies in a house?
That's an easy one. I don't want the old skin particles of a dead person here.
And pillows.
Pull it out of the things and send me a picture of it.
But that's the same thing that you're describing.
You know me. I was just going to say, is there anything that you can throw away?
College, Old Navy, on sale. What's special about that?
What is this laid down? I would like to lay down.
I mean... But I get it because it's like... Because I would be more upset if like, oh my God, my children are too big to lay in this mattress.
No, no, no.
Yeah, because like. But you could do that about every single thing. If you have an attachment to everything, then how is everything, how is anything special?
I'm like, I think that Miles is going to be good on all that.
Why would anyone want them? I don't know.
I remember you saying that.
Someone's going to have to physically hold you.
Yeah, I mean, totally different. My daughter being missing, that was so hard. But when I had to throw out a sock, you don't know what that's like. That sock's been with me my whole life. There was one day where that had happened.
Well, no. He was like, you guys are following me. Stop following me. It makes me feel weird.
But when I see shit like this with the Jason Kelsey thing where he's like, yo, you're legitimately following me. And then it looked like that dude climbed a fence and was yelling shit at him and then saying shit about how his family died or whatever the fuck. And I'm like, what is this?
Yeah, dude. I mean, I don't know.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. What is this?
Tim Dillon's massive. Massive.
Yeah, that's right.
Laying down, taking a nap while being pushed around in public? I'm not falling asleep in public.
There it goes, baby.
You don't know me at all, do you?
AI is saying this to a person who's trying to help elderly.
Please die, please?
I do like being tucked in, but that doesn't mean I want a giant man to carry me down the road.
That's insane.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I wouldn't threaten it.
Get prank pranked.
welcome back to the basement welcome back to the basement yard frank how's it going are you did you just wake up what's going on yo honestly i just got tired dude you just got a tire i just got tired one tired a single tire do you do that thing where you're tired where you do this have you ever actually done this uh i don't do this but i do this you do that i like kind of rub it like a
But like, not going to spoil it for just in case, because someone once was just like, how dare you spoil Harry Potter? 20 years old. After everything that happens with Snape. Yes. He goes, pause it. Explain that to me just so I make sure I understand.
Nothing crazy. What am I taking pictures of? Me. It's just me. Oh, just like a headshot? No, a little more. Like head to toe. Full body shot. Yes. Yeah. Only like three or four of them. Nothing crazy. Okay. All right? What are you doing? What are you doing? What? Why are you taking your shirt off? Oh, well, I'm not going to be wearing this for my... Oh, you're going to wear a different shirt?
Look at what I'm wearing. You're going to wear a different shirt. I'm sorry? I'm sorry. What did you say? I couldn't hear you. You're going to wear a different shirt. No. You're going to be a shirtless. What are you doing? What are you doing? I just, I'm not, I'm not, I can't wear, I just said I can't wear this for these pictures. What are you wearing? Why are you taking your clothes off?
Quick, we got to get this done. I'm not taking underwear photos of you, dad. And your pants are coming off. Are you changing your pants? Why are you taking your pants off like that? You're shaking your butt off. I just, I can't wear this. You understand. I don't understand. Let's get that quick. Let's get this done. I gotta send this. It's already like midnight in Tokyo. Come on.
You're selling these to Japanese people? So that's how you do it. Yeah, but are you naked now? Yeah. Oh, I'm running out of air. Really? Yeah, no. Just quick. I already locked the doors. Just stay. You locked the door? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not going to eat. Just take the pictures. I'm not going to eat? Just take the pictures or the shackles go back on. What? It's weird.
That's what we're joking about. Haha, jokes. It's weird. Yeah, no, that's a little crazy. This dude should be questioned by the FBI, maybe? Oh, I don't think it's in this country. I think it was in Brazil. Brazil. Yeah. I don't know much. How would they sound if the mom asked? I have no idea. I don't know how to. Oi, chuchu. Okay. I don't know what that means. It means like little cutie boy.
Does it? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I remember that. You remember that? Yeah. Who called you a little cutie boy in Brazil? I dated a Brazilian girl. And she called you that? She called me chuchu. Really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't get any nicknames growing up, so... Yeah, you've never, like... Got nicknames? Never got nicknames. Like, no one called you, like, anything. You called yourself a lot of things. Agent Zero, you called yourself. Let's see, what else? You called yourself a proud boy for years. Um... Oh, that's all right. You're right. You're still calling yourself that.
Right, yeah, okay. Yeah, that's it. If you could honestly go back to when you were a teenager, if you could have a nickname, what would it be? I remember, actually, this is going to sound so fucking stupid. Yeah, well, that's the show. Welcome back to the basement yard where everything sounds really stupid. I... Maybe, I don't know if you felt this way too, but like you wanted a cool nickname.
Hell yeah. That was just like not your name at all. Hell yeah. And I remember watching the Friday Night Lights movie. What was his name? And one of the running back who gets hurt, his nickname was Boobie. Boobie Miles. And I was like, damn, I wish people called me Boobie. You wanted people to call you Boobies? Boobie. Because you were so afraid. Not Boobies. Boobie. Boobie. Yeah. Why?
That was his nickname and it just felt mad cool. So that's all, like that's like. I wanted to be Boobie.
really i don't think that i ever like brought that to our friend group be like yo how about booby like i never did that but i was like hoping that you guys would oh it's like just out of nowhere we would accidentally call you booby and you're just like yep yes yeah uh-huh yeah say my name again yeah like i i was like i wanted my nickname to be booby for somebody that's a weird one i don't think yeah i mean you know our our nicknames were joey and frankie or yeah like
Wait, you were explaining the plot and you cried? But, like, bro, I just watch everything that happens with Snape. Yeah. The pensive memory and everything. Right. And then Miles was like, I just want to make sure I understand what he said. And then you cried. And what happened. What did he say when you started crying?
That was the closest thing. I don't think I had... There was one person that we knew that called me facts.
Chelsea. I didn't think you were going to say fax for a second. Yeah. What do you think? Oh, you thought I was going something way worse. I was like, I know it was back in the day, but don't say that on the show. Well, there was someone that we knew that used some bad words. Wait, Chelsea called you fax? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yikes. I mean, I didn't hate it. I know. You loved it.
We went to Splish Splash, and Frankie got a tattoo across his chest that said F-A-X. Well, it was facts, too. It was squared. Facts squared, baby. Which is so many facts. That was our tag that we never once tagged anywhere. Ever. Ever. You were Joe Mudd. I was faxed, too. There was other kids in our class that, like, wanted one.
I remember once my brother Nick was like, yo, like, do you think you can come up with a cool nickname for me? And there were these toys that came out at the time. And they were, like, little, like, they looked like stick figures, but they were made of blocks. And you could, like, change the way that they were. Oh, yeah. You know, you remember what I'm talking about?
Weren't those like always in like dentist's office or some shit? Kind of, but like you could change the way that they were so you could stack them in like a building. Okay, okay. And they were called knickknacks. So you called your brother knickknacks? So my brother was knickknack. And then, yeah, I can't remember anyone else.
yeah i remember i remember my sister when she was like in eighth grade maybe there she was dating some kid and i remember sitting outside of my stoop and his name was joseph right or maybe this was a little older but i remember sitting outside in the stoop and this was like before he knew my name and she was standing there with him and i think i was asking him Like, oh, why do you go by Joseph?
I didn't... I wasn't, like, bawling crying, but, like, I would be, like... Choked. So... What happened? You know, like I would like pull it together and I slowed up the conversation. Did he say, Kiki, what are you doing? He was just like, he was intently watching. I think he's at an age now where he's not going to point out me crying because it happens probably way too often. But he was just like.
Because to me, that was like something my grandma would call me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, because the nickname Joey is gay. And that's what everyone called me. Yeah. And I literally was like, hmm. And I never said a word. You know what's funny is he obviously knew your name. No, I don't think he knew my name. He was dating your sister.
I'm sure that there was some conversation about I have a little brother. Bro, they're in eighth grade. They don't talk about like, so what do you do for work? I mean, they just enjoy chocolate milk or whatever the fuck. Maybe I'm underestimating how old A3 is. You're definitely like... Yeah, they talk about their siblings and stuff. So he was pressing me.
He was definitely... It was like a moment of like, I'm the man of this house now. Got it. Because Thomas was probably in college at that point, right? Yeah. Or like about to go. So he had to reestablish himself or establish himself in your home. Right. I was like, I'm the alpha male here. Keith was on RuneScape. He was busy. So he was like, yo, you got a gay nickname. Joey. Yeah.
Yeah, just to let you know. You changed it. I'm the only Joe in this house now. I didn't really see it that way. I thought that he just didn't know my name was Joey, so I was just like, oh, yeah. That was a power play. Yeah, that's crazy. That is gay. Oh, you know what? I had a code name, I guess, not a nickname. I think I've told you this. Frank, you're not a secret agent. It's a nickname?
No, it was when I was in sixth grade. My sixth grade girlfriend and I would write notes back and forth. And your name was Chester. Chester, yeah. How did you land on the whitest name ever? I don't know. Did you pick Chester? Maybe. I'm not sure. It's quite possible. What was her name? I can't remember off the top of my head. Damn it! Yeah, I know. But, you know, I was Chester.
What was the reason for having a code name? Well, you pass notes explaining how much you like someone, and it would be, forget about it. If a teacher caught that, you know, they'd do one of the whole, like, let's read this out loud. That happened to me in Ms. Barbario's class. I was passing a note to Jamie, and she took it.
She didn't read it in front of the class, but she read it, and she was just, like, smiling, and then she gave it back to me. And I was like... What did it say? I don't know. It was something about... I may have, like, passed it through you to her. I was so... That was the thing that was so difficult for me.
It was like I was the intermediary between both of you, and I would be like, oh, what is it? You guys like each other? Cool. Yeah. And, like, I would hand it off. Yeah. You know, no one fucking... Oh, my God. No one wrote for me. No one wrote for me in fifth grade, dog. First of all... I didn't have a ride or die like you did in fifth grade. No one fucking... I didn't have a ride or die either.
Yeah, she didn't ride or die for you. That's what I'm saying. You know. And then you made out with her. Well, you know. I will never forget that. Forget it. I think it's time you can forget, bro. I mean, like, the whole part of it, like, you finding out. That I will never forget. Finding out? You just told me. I told you. Yeah. You were not happy. There was no investigation.
No, but, like, I'll never forget telling you that in your response. You were not happy. Yeah, no, it was not good. But... I'll never forget that. It is seared into my brain. That is fucking hysterical. Yeah, but I don't even know why I brought it up. Oh, because of the passing notes. But I was in Ms. Barbario's class.
And remember when they made us walk down the hall and be like, oh, this is what high school is going to be like. This is what sixth grade is going to be. You walk. 20 feet to your next class. Yeah. Well, I think because they had switched up for math to put the kids that are strongest at math all together and then weakest together. Right. And that's why we were in the same math class.
We were both good at math.
Back then. I was always great at math. Yeah. Believe it or not, me and Frankie were good students. Yeah. We're only dumb now. We're academically probably still very gifted. Yeah. And gifted in other ways. Not wieners. I'm saying, like, you know, like, well. Why did you say wieners? Because some people say, like, he's got gifts. He's gifted, you know, well-endowed. Oh.
Okay. Yeah. All right. I'm going to stop asking. Okay. You know, he was like, all right, whatever. Watch the movie. Jeez. Put it back on. Oh, but like at the end, I was just like, it was power of love. You know? Oh my God. Frank, pull it together. No, bitch. I feel things, bitch. You fucking try it. Bro. I'm mad sensitive, but we're talking about a movie that you've seen maybe eight times.
I don't know why I went to wieners first. I'll be honest. Okay. Maybe therapy. Look into that. But, yes, Ms. Barbario's class, I was passing a note, and then she took it, and she saw it. I was like. I also very vividly remember that day because that was the day of the Mount Carmel dance.
I remember it. I remember that dance too. And it was like you and Jamie were going to dance together. We didn't. I know.
but everyone was just like oh shit what's gonna happen and i remember because where was that school because it's on like 30th avenue if you had asked me that school was in upstate new york bro dead ass hours away like anywhere that i had to get in a car i'm like oh my god we might be in pennsylvania yeah yeah swear to god i thought the exact same thing crazy yeah but i remember i remember going and being like damn like everyone's so tall because we were like young
Yeah, but they were only like three years older than us. It's not like they were ancient. Those three years are insane for growth of your actual physical body. And you would see them. I remember there was a kid in our neighborhood that I think was only a year older than us, but I saw him dancing with a girl, and I was just like, that's what I'm going to be like when I grow up.
Like as a kid, you see people like older people doing stuff and you're just like, whoa. That's so fire. That's so sick. Kissing girls is so sick. This is what the future holds. Yeah. Maybe even less than a year old, like a calendar year, like six months. Yeah, that was... Dancing with girls was so... Bro, do you remember Alex the girl's birthday at her crib?
And in the basement, they put on like Spanish music and I was like... Fuck. Yeah. I was mad scared. I remember around that time is when Yeah by Usher came out. And that was the thing that people just threw that on repeat. And it would be fucking ludicrous. Yeah by Usher. Yeah. And like... That shit came on, like... I was scared, man. And they shut all the lights off.
Yes, and there was, like, a light machine. Yes. That, like, did, like, multicolored lights. And I remember it was her birthday, and we went into her basement. And her parents, like, let us be down there. Just chilling, yeah. Just, like, crazy. Put on these lights, put on music, and I was already mad nervous to, like, dance with girls or do whatever.
And then fucking Daddy Yankee came on, and I almost had to fucking panic attack. And I was like, if someone puts their ass on me, I'm literally going home. Joey heard rompe one time, and he got very scared. I was like, no, no, no. This can't happen here. No, I hear you. I think you danced with someone that day, and I was like, damn, good for Frank.
Listen, man, I was the mentality of like, just go for it, dude. We did a 180 in so many ways. At that time, I was like, life is short. I was 12. Right. Let's just do it. I was short. Let's just do it now. Live for the moment. Now I'm like, let's take very calculated risks. Right, yeah. And making sure, you know. Yeah. I remember, yo, that's so funny. Yo, dancing with girls.
That was such a- And kissing them was like- I don't know if I've ever felt panic like that. I really like... And I am not looking forward to that part of parenting. But I wonder what... This is a weird way to say this, but that was like a rite of passage when we were kids. Our parents kind of let us experience life and didn't really talk to us about stuff like that. At all. My parents did not.
It doesn't matter. That's that speaks to the strength of the storytelling. Honestly, it was my favorite. And acting. Good acting. Oh, my God. Good acting. All those people got to stop dying from Harry Potter. Anyway, we do have announcements. We have an announcement. If you didn't hear already on the last episode, but we are coming to the UK.
Me neither. Your parents did not. But I see the relationship that Becca and I have with Miles, and it is...
very heavily based off of communication and like how are you feeling and understanding and like i have a crush on this person blah blah blah so like what is that going to be like when our kids at that age are like i have a crush on a boy like bro ruby comes home tells me she has a crush on a boy i i'm not kidding i might kill a child no you just gotta do a background check not him not her him or her whatever she's into right but like that is gonna be so weird to navigate i'm gonna i'll tell you this
We're going to have a lot of material for this show, boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's aβ Oh, my God, dude. Can you imagine? I can'tβlikeβ Ah, yeah. Teenagers? Oh, God. And you know what? You know what will be nice, though? Like, my kids are a couple years older than your kids because you haveβ Zero. Yeah. So, like, I'll be able to, like, walk you through it. I'll be big bro again.
When was the first time?
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Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Joey, back to you. Joey back to you. Um, I, I, I, I, I think that just kind of coming back to the conversation we were going to, like we were having before, there is a lot about parenting that like, I remember my parents saying to me like, wait until you got to deal with this. And now I am terrified of it. You know, like. Oh, like teenagers. Yeah, dude.
Like, bro, they're nuts. Kids are nuts. Even when they're not, they're crazy. You know, if they're not nuts, they're crazy. That's what I'm saying. Like, if they're like, and then like, if they're not crazy, you're like, wait a sec, what is wrong with my kid? Like, why aren't they a little nuts? You know? So like, I don't know. Do I want my kids to be crazy or nuts? I don't know.
I think that you are maybe causing yourself some anxiety there, judging by the sentence that you just gave. No, I'm excited, but alsoβ No, I'm cool. It's fine. I'm a cool dad. You know, I am going to do my best, my goddamn best, to embarrass these kids, though. You're one of those dads. I'm gonna have to be. Hey, kids! No, no, no, no, no.
But, like, if they're having their friends over... Blast music while you pick them up from high school? Oh, yeah. When they're having their friends over, door open! Or I'll rip it off its hinges. Uh-huh. You know? Oh, like, don't close your door. Yeah. Hell yeah. What are you guys talking about? No phones. Let me see it. No phones. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?
Like you have, cause you have to establish like everyone always thinks you're going to be a cool dad, you know? Cool dad. Yeah. I'm chill. You know, like, yeah. And then these kids come home with, you know, and they're engaged to be married at 18 years old. You know what I'm saying? Wouldn't that be a good thing? Bro. If you went home at 18. Mom, dad.
Oh, and like, not like I married this person in Vegas or something. Yup. Yeah, no, that's insane. You know what I'm saying? I thought you meant, I don't know. I don't really know. I like, I was picturing like, Oh, like, cause our parents got married. Childhood crush at 18, not childhood, but like celebrity crush at 18. maybe like Katy Perry or something. Okay. Who I would have married at 18.
So if Katy Perry has said, don't think about it too much, but you just turned 18 and I want to marry you. Yeah. I wouldn't have thought about why that's weird until probably today. But, yeah. Yeah. I probably would. I'm trying to think. I remember being upset that Katy Perry didn't know I existed. I'm saying didn't know like she does now. Yeah. She doesn't.
There's a better chance that she knows you now. Sure. You know. Oh, there was a less than zero at 18. Like, now she might have just been like, who's this loser that...
exactly you know what i'm saying that's what i mean so like maybe she saw my face at some point but i did have a huge crush i mean but she's also with like california girls katie perry whoa she's with orlando bloom so i know i can't she'd see your face and just go fuck this guy you know she's with legolas yeah it's true you know unless i beat him in a sword fight well he was never great with swords obviously he was great with he was good with his sword but his not legolas bro i'm talking about pirates of the caribbean now oh um will turner
The 27th, we're going to be in London. We're going to go to London. We're going to go to London. We're going to go to London.
Yes, Will Turner. Will Turner. Yeah. He was not great with a sword either. He was just always in the right place at the right time. No, apparently he was good with a sword. He was like a blacksmith or whatever. Yeah, it doesn't mean you're good with a sword. It means you're good at making them. He was good with a sword though. Like him as an individual? That was a whole thing.
That whole scene of him fighting Jack Sparrow with a sword and Jack Sparrow was like, oh, this guy's pretty good. That's like part of the movie. Really? I don't remember that. I haven't watched those movies. I would like to re-watch that. I haven't watched those in a while, but I remember a lot of them being dog shit. No! Some of them got a little too much. The first one was great, too.
First one was good. Second one was good. And then after that, they started going... I feel like I fell off of... When Jack Sparrow wakes up in the middle of nowhere... That's like a third one. He gets swallowed by the Kraken. Remember? In the second one? I don't remember, honestly. Remember his dad has barnacles on his face? Yeah. Actually, it was cool. Ugly, though. Yeah, well, duh.
If you could pick to be in the Lord of the Rings franchise, hear me out. Go. You could exist as a character, and not like a loser character. A cool one. A cool character in either Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean. I think my next is going to easily give you an answer, but whatever. Whatever. Or I'll do this. Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean.
Tuesday. Is it a Tuesday? I don't know. No, it's a Thursday. Thursday. And then on the 31st, we're going to be in Dublin. Yeah. Can't do the Irish accent. I mean, I think I could. Ask me to talk about it like I'm fixing wood or something. Hey, talk about it like you're fixing wood. Well, this is a piece of oak. Nope. See, I lost it. I mean, it's not bad. Well, it's oak. It's very not. No, no.
Because if I ask Harry Potter, I know exactly where you're going. Harry fucking Potter. But I'm not asking Harry Potter because we know you'd be a Hufflepuff. Yeah, right! You'd be a Hufflepuff. You'd be like, no, the hat's gotta be, it didn't fit where I, no, I'd be, I'd probably be a Slytherin because I'm cunning. Frank, you wish you were a Slytherin. Bitch. You wish. Bitch. You wish.
Go on, go on Pottermore right now. Let's figure this the fuck out. Go on Pottermore. Pottermore. You can get your Patronus. You can get your house. What does that mean? Wait, hold on. Is this a website? Yeah, it's run by the Harry Potter people. Pottermore, babe. So you're just putting in names?
Well, like, they'll ask... You'll take a quiz, and it'll be like, this is what your Patronus animal will be. This is what your house would be. Pottermore, find out house. The official Hogwarts house on... Yeah, okay. Yeah, but... Get sorted now. Get sorted, but... Start the sorting ceremony. Okay, okay, okay. All right, I'm doing me. All right. When's your birthday? We know your birthday.
Oh, it's month first. Oh, wait. That's how it works normally. I thought they were doing that. I know. I thought they were stupid. Okay. Email address. One of these. One of these. You can put mine in if you don't feel, you know. Just do it. But you didn't answer. As you're filling this stuff out. Yes. Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, or Star Wars? Yes.
it's going to be very difficult not to like... That's tough, right? Isn't that be dumb? Maybe Star Wars. Really? You can travel to different planets? Terrifying. Yeah, but not if you live in the world. Yeah, but then you're also under the regime of like space Hitler. Regime. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah, honestly. Like it's warm. Because it's just like it's not fantastical.
I mean, there is some fantastical stuff. Why are you saying fantastical? Because like Lord of the Rings, there's orcs and wizards. Here we go. All right. Dawn or dusk? You are probably, I would say you are a dusk guy. No, I like the dawn. Really? The dawn of a new day. Dawn. It's early morning. Boom. What are you most looking forward to learning at Hogwarts? What are the options?
All about magical creatures and how to befriend and care for them. You do like that one. You like animals. Flying on a broomstick. That's a good one too. Apparition and I'm not even going to read that. Too many shins. Being able to materialize and dematerialize. No. Secrets about the castle. Kind of cool. Ooh, that is cool. Transfiguration, turning one object into another.
We know what that means, Joey. You don't need to read that part of it. Hexes and jinxes. Ooh. Every area of magic I can. I think you would want to be a well-rounded man. I want to be well-rounded. Well-rounded, yeah. Choose a category to continue. Cats, toads, or owls? Cats, fuck you. Toads, ew. Owls, a thousand percent. I'll take the owls. Yeah, Joey's an owl guy. Which pet would you choose?
Barn owl. Pawnee owl. Snowy owl. Screech owl. Brown owl. Wait, hold on. Brown owl is pretty cool. And for diversity reasons, you should pick that. If you don't, you are a racist. But I like the tawny. He's brown though. Is he brown? Oh, there are pictures of these owls? Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. That's a tawny owl. Oh, that one looks smart. That looks like it's going to feed.
The snowy. But the brown one looks like it'll be a professor. This one looks like the one that ate all the lollipops. The tawny one looks like it would be like a professor and he would say something like, you know, like we are doomed to repeat history if we do not acknowledge it. Yeah. Okay. Which of the following do you find most difficult to deal with? Loneliness. Loneliness.
You like being alone sometimes, but like too much loneliness. Boredom. Hunger. Being ignored. Cold. What are those that you can't deal with? Like the find the most difficult to deal with? I'll say boredom. Well, Joey lives in a $40 million mansion, so when you're cold, you just go into your hot tub, your swimming pool-sized hot tub. Which road tempts you the most? Tempts.
I had it. We just did an episode a couple weeks ago, and I had it. Yeah, you did. Now I fucked up. But anyway, we're going to cross the pond. We're going to be in the UK. So we're going to Glasgow, London, and Dublin for the Dublin show. There may be a second show if that show sells well. And the same thing for the London show. If the London show sells out pretty quickly, we'll add a second show.
The twisting, leaf-strewn path through the woods? These people don't realize I'm a puss. The wide, sunny, grassy lane. That sounds beautiful. You do like woods, though. Yeah, but not dark woods. Did it say dark or did it say windy? It said dark and windy. Twisty leaf strewn path through the woods. Oh, okay. It doesn't say dark. It doesn't. It lit dark. The narrow, dark, lantern-lit alley.
No, absolutely not. We grew up in enough alleys. We're okay. The cobbled street lined with ancient buildings. That one's kind of cool. I'm going to say the wide, sunny, grassy lane. That sounds about right. Yeah. Once every century, the flutterbee bush produces flowers that adapt their scent to attract the unwary. That's mad words. I can't.
If it lured you, it would smell of... Okay, so what would lure me? The scent. Money. The... I do like the smell of money. Attention. And books. Oh, yes. The smell of books. So if books is an answer, I'm taking that. This one says the sea. Who is tempted by that? The sea smells good. The salty air. I don't hate that. Fish. Home. That is subjective. Home smell is subjective. A crackling log fire?
Love that. You like the smell of fire, though, or do you just like the sound of it? I think that... No, I like both. I like the smell of... Okay, all right, good. Fresh parchment. That's book, baby. That's book. That's as close to book as you're getting. But it's parchment, I think, of scrolls. Yeah, and what do you think books were made of back then, Joey? No.
I'm going to say a crackling log fire, though. Okay, whatever you want. After you have died, what would you most like people to do when they hear your name? Ask for more stories about your adventures? Miss you, but smile? Think with admiration of your achievements? I don't care what people think of me after I'm dead. It's what they think of me while I'm alive that counts. That one. That one sucks.
I'm going to say... Jesus Christ, this is getting morbid. Ask for more stories about your adventure. What adventures have you been on, Joey? None. You've drank in several countries. Those are not adventures. Those just prove that you have possibly a little. Oh, look at Lewis and Clark over here. Relax. Heads or tails? Head. Oh. Okay, okay. Are you getting your answer? Turn it to me.
Turn it to me. Turn it to me. The sorting hat is ready to make its decision. All right, turn to me and don't look. Don't look. Don't look. Don't look. Don't look.
Jesus Christ I whispered it There was There is a sect Of the internet right now That was just like Yeah Yeah But like Who Like does anyone actually Wake up like a cartoon character Just like Yeah no You know No one does that shit Babies kind of do it
Yes Way to go Joey Way to go Yes Congratulations I'm And I'm Here I am You know what I mean There you are babe Now you know That's crazy I'm not gonna do mine Because either I get Gryffindor And I'm happy Or I get someone else And I'm pissed Yeah yeah yeah Oh my god I would love to be a wizard though Besides the point, I'm picking pirate. I would still like to be a pirate for like a month.
But like a good pirate, like a nice pirate. No, I'd like to rob, but maybe other pirates I'd like to rob. Oh, so that's pretty good. I'm saying like you're the pirate's pirate. You're going after the booty of the other pirates. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And rum. There's that alcohol. There it is. There it is. Right. And wine. Wine. Yeah.
But yeah, so that's what it is right now. The boys are going to come and do a couple shows over there in the Uke. But yeah, pop out. Tickets are available at TheBasementYard.com if they're not sold out already, which I hope they are. We hope people like us. Tuesday. Tuesday. Tuesday. We're going to go there, have some food. What are we going to eat?
That one's tough because of all the... I don't really like being out at sea, though. Being known as someone that lives out on the sea is miserable. Kind of crazy. Let me tell you, that sounds awful. I'd probably have a really good tan. Yeah, and you'd also have a really good couple spots they needed to probably cut out of your skin because of the potential melanoma.
Yeah, I'd probably definitely get that. Yeah. You'd be an old, leathery hag. Yeah, but I'd have a cool hat and probably a pet monkey. Let's just get... Why can't we just dress like pirates? Why can't... You live in Brooklyn. Most people dress that way anyway. If that's fair. You know? We could, like, pirate chic, which is just pirates. I mean, you would need earrings, which you have none of.
You would need longer hair. And I would need mascara. Not mascara. Eyeliner? Eyeliner. Eyeliner. I mean, whatever. That's fine. A golden tooth? That'd be cool. You know what's crazy? Is all... You know, like... Collectively, all of our success, neither of us have gotten grills. You think that's crazy? That we haven't? Is that what you're saying? Why not? Wait, you want grills?
Frank, I know that there was a point in your life where you desperately wanted them. I mean, hear me out. Would you hate it? If I had grills? Yeah. I don't know that it would go with my whole life. Really? It doesn't match my life. Grills? Yeah. Or at least one gold tooth. Like, what's his name? Like, one of the wet bandits? Marv? No, Harry. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Do it. Why not? I don't know.
I don't think I can. I think you can pull it off. I don't know. You probably can't pull off a grill. What about you? Would you get like a diamond chain? Like a big one? Not like a giant one. I'm not even going to lie to you. I've recently been looking up getting more jewelry. Okay, we're going.
Because one of the gifts that Becca got me for Christmas was a watch box and there's like slots for like jewelry and stuff like that. So you're like, obviously you got to fill it up. So now I got to fill it up. Okay, but are you going to get like diamonds? No, so I'll show you after. I'll show you some of the rings that I've been looking at. Rings? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Are you going to fill up your hands? Not, like, fully, but, like, there's going to be at least two on this hand. Okay. But, like, not at all times. Shiny? Diamond-y? Different colors. Different colors, you know. You're a ring guy. I think I am a ring guy. Okay. You know? But, like, this hand, I like it just being my wedding band. Like, it stays on its own. It's nice. You know, it does its thing.
This hand, on the other hand. Fill it up. It's going to be filled. Yeah. You know? And then I looked into, like, bracelets. And I saw, because we know someone who is just an absolute menace to society who got like a Cuban link bracelet. And I was like, I can't ever do that. A Cuban link bracelet? Yeah. Okay. So. But would you get a chain? That guy got me a chain for Christmas.
I'm talking about like a big old one. Not like a big giant one, but like something egregious. No, no, no, no. No, I wouldn't. I think the one that Becca got me is pretty much almost, it looks almost like identical to the one that you're wearing right now. But like the way you have your bracelets, like those aren't bad. Like those are subtle.
Because the food over there, notoriously, is not very good. That's what people have said. I mean, I didn't really have an issue with the food when I was there. I'm crushing beans on toast. I'm letting you know right now. It's good, dude. You know how I feel about beans. You love beans. Beans, bangers, put them anywhere you want.
And like, I'm more into like subtlety with jewelry, you know? I'm more into subtlety. I'm filling this hand up. I said very clearly, I'm not filling it up, but I am going to put some stuff on there. Yeah. You know? Okay. Just a couple of different. Maybe take the tape off of your thumb and that would make it look a little better. Yeah. No, but like. Fill it up with tape.
If I come in and I have a ring for each hand. That would be insane. For each finger, you know? Right. You just think you're Thanos with that? Yeah.
yo i didn't even think of that don't spend too much thinking about it it's not very cool i would say i wasn't even thinking of getting a thumb ring but now that you said that i've put a ring on my thumb before where else have you put a ring we have more ads
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Wait, I thought the bangers were the mash. No. What's bangers? Bangers are sausage, babe. You bang the sausage. Wait, why do they call them bangers? Because of banging? Like banging sausages? Do I look it up or do you look it up? I'm not, I don't think either of us look it up. I imagine, yeah. I think we just guessed. That's probably a very scary Google search.
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slash basement all right very good very good oh very good um dude we have to talk about uh i'm i'm down a rabbit hole this dude on tiktok who uh is like addicted to soda and he drinks like around the clock i i opened up his fridge and it was just filled with soda i saw that and then he's like people ask me if i have water and then he's like at the gym he's like of course i've drank water but i also and he holds up like two pepsis and i'm like bro
I also saw that, like, he'll, like, pour, like, because I was watching it, too. I know what you're referencing. And he opened it, and there was, like, Fresca. And I was like, oh, okay, Fresca's not, like, one of the worst. What is Fresca? I think it's just, like, it's, like, LaCroix. Oh, okay. You know, like that. I could be wrong, but I don't care to find out. Right.
But then I saw he'd, like, pour a Fresca, and I'm like, all right, that's not bad. And then he'd put, like, three pumps of, like, Starbucks sugar syrup in it. Yeah. Yeah, I have seen that. Dude. Not good. I mean, he said he can go through, like, several 12-packs a weekend. Yeah, it said he claims he can drink three 12-packs in a weekend. That's insane. That's a lot of sugar, dude.
That's, like, four times the amount of soda I drink in a year. What does this person look like? Are they not, likeβ Well, maybe outside they look okay, but on the inside they probably are not doing so hot. Even with the sugar content of a soda, like, bro, the bubbies? That's a lot of bubbles going on.
Well, some of us are adults and our insides know how to deal with carbonation, unlike your fucking, you know, toddler insides. So the bubbies are not the problem. It's the sugar content. Frank, the human body, if you drink a lot of carbonated shit, will get bloated. Yeah, and you go like this. Bop. That's it. Bop. Sorry, Joey. I haven't burped in 20 years. I have a condition. Which is called what?
There is a name for it. Oh, really? I'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought it was just like a little jokey thing. What did you think I was doing? I thought it was like a little like... I can't burp. So now you're going to bully me. Oh, is it like a serious medical condition? I didn't know that. It's not a serious medical condition. Are you okay? Don't act like you give a fuck now.
Why do they call sausage- Bangers a mush. Bangers. Bangers. Why do they call it bangers? I don't know. I imagine because you bite into them and the flavor bangs your fucking throat. Definitely. That's not a good way to say it. Definitely so many other ways I could have said that. A thousand. Infinite other ways. Honestly, yeah. Infinite. Several billion. Yeah. But we're excited to be there.
Everyone now, he just guilted me into saying that. So now everyone sit around and let's talk with him. Are you okay? This is what you wanted, right, bitch? No, it's not. Little bitch. You're mean. You're mean. And you're a bastard. Not in, like, the literal sense, but you're a bastard. You're being a bastard. Being a bastard. Yes. You have a father. I'll wear that. I do. I do.
And he's a very, like, present. Yes. That's a lot. Three 12-packs in a weekend. You know what? I used to love soda, but then likeβ What was your favorite soda? Coca-Cola. Oh, yeah. I knew that. Yeah. You've made fun of me for that before. What's your favorite sodas? What? What the hell is that? Like your top five. Oh, Coca-Cola, Love Sprite. Love Sprite. Orange soda. That's like the worst one.
Who loves orange soda? Frankie loves orange soda. Okay. Is it true? Mm-hmm. I do, I do, I do, I do. Okay, fired. Are you wearing yellow socks? No. Why are you wearing yellow socks? I'm not. Those are cool. Oh, yeah, I am. They're like not just yellow. They're like Easter yellow. Yeah, baby pastels. I'm exploring my color palette with my clothing a little bit. They're socks.
They're colorful socks though, bitch. Yeah. Sorry. I'm kind of hungry. I'm kind of hungry. Yeah. I get angry when I'm hungry. That's what I was saying. Yeah. So those are, those sodas are up there. I like those sodas, you know, but like, I don't like really hate, Oh, I hate cream soda and I hate root beer. Right. And anyone that likes those, do you like a canned Hawaiian punch?
No, it feels wrong. It does. You know? I need to drink this out of plastic. Same with brisk. Although brisk... No, I like it in a can. I will say, yeah, I recanted that. Brisk and Nestea, the one that had the cool-looking... You know, like the cool-looking snowman on it? Yes. That's sick. I fucked with that. That was so good. Also... Iced tea is great. Not real. It was... Yeah. Sugar.
I remember the first time I had iced tea that was iced tea, and I was like, what the fuck is this? This sucks. Because I was drinking... Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I remember my dad used to get the powdered iced tea at the lake house. Yeah. Do you remember this? I would dump.
no so growing up we had like the big picture i'm sure everyone everyone had the same look and the top spins yeah it's like one that has like it goes through like this and the other if there's ice in there yeah so we had that and like if you the rule of my house was like if you finish it then you have to make the new one and we would just pray to god that keith wouldn't finish it
Because when this kid would make iced tea, half the bucket is going in here. There'd be an inch of sugar on the bottom of the thing, even if you stirred it like crazy. That's not surprising. Crazy. That is not. Darkest iced tea ever. Or with lemonade? Forget it, dude. Yeah, all those powdered drinks. But my dad would do it. And I remember he's like, hey, can you make it?
We're going to try and see the sights. Frank's never been to the UK. I recently just went to Scotland. I've never been to London, never been to Dublin. Two places that I've wanted to go in my life. So really cool that the first time is going to be the Shays. It's going to be something. We might be a little sleepy getting over there because of jet lag. Jet lag. Yeah, jet lag. Don't it. Jet lag.
Yeah, dude. It was like 16 scoops. And I was like, dad, how is this possible? And he was just like, that's how it tastes good. I'm like, you're just drinking sugar at this point. Yeah. That is an insane amount of scoops. Yeah, my dad would say 16 scoops. But, yeah, I can't, the iced tea, if it's in a can, it needs to be carbonated for me. I can't do, like, fruit punch in a can, except iced tea.
They get a pass only because of the cool logos. A snowboarding snowman? Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude, that's fire. He was like a skeleton snowman. Yeah, he was skeleton-y. He was skeleton-y.
You know, but, like, I don't know any soda that I could drink that much and not, forget about the health concerns, just, like, not hate, you know? Three 12-packs in a weekend. That's insane, dude. When I was like 21, I couldn't do that with beer. Yes, you could. Yes, you absolutely could. I probably could at the lake. Yo, we should do that for a Santa Gato Studios video, a case race.
I can't drink a case of beer anymore, Frank. I think you can. I can't drink 30 beers. Are you insane? Teams. Me and you on a team versus two other people. That would also be very tough to drink 15 fucking beers. I think you could do it. In a day? In a day, yeah. It also depends on the way in which you're consuming it. If we were playing drinking games, we would be able to do it.
But if we were just sitting down drinking out of a can, we might not. 15 is so insane. We could do it. I don't think I've ever drank a case of beer. That's just like water. I have during college. You drank a case of beer. There was a day I'll never forget. We woke up at like 9 a.m. and started drinking and drank all day until like 3 a.m. Yeah. Good Lord. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was a tough day. A lot of fun. You probably woke up the next day like, I'm good. I remember because this was weird. This is when the state of Connecticut was weird with their alcohol laws. Who? The state of Connecticut. Oh, oh. Where like you couldn't get it after 5 p.m. during the weekdays or some shit. And then you couldn't get it at all on like Sundays.
And so we, I remember me and a bunch of my buddies in college drove to the New York, Connecticut border. And bought beer and then drove back to drink it. Wow. You probably drank on the way home like, yeah! I used to do that. I know. I know. No, you were allowed to drink. I still don't. Yo, I promise you that was the law because I looked it up. All right, so then at the time.
Not in New York State, but once you crossed the border into Connecticut, I was like, bang. Yeah. I was just opening up beers. Not driving. Let's make that very clear. No, no, no. I was a passenger. He was not in the driver's seat or probably even in the front seat. You were probably all the way in the back.
Our friend, who I won't say his name to incriminate him because he has a career, he didn't like when I did it. I don't blame him. I'll say that. Because it's terrifying. Yeah, I wasn't sitting in the passenger seat. It was a big truck, and I'd be in the back, and then I would just stare at my phone, and we would cross the border into Connecticut, and then you'd just hear psst.
And he'd be like, yo, I'm already back here. You made it like a thing that like you were cracking it. You'd go, you know, but about drinking. I will say, I think I looked it up like within the last five years and I think it has changed. Well, honestly, probably good. But it's kind of a crazy law to begin with. Passengers over 21 can have open containers of alcohol in a vehicle. Still?
That's what it says here. According to that Gemini, the AI thing that told the guy to kill himself. Right. Which, allegedly. Passengers over 21 can have open containers. Each passenger can have only one open container at a time. Drivers cannot have alcohol containers while driving. Yeah, that's an insane law. Yeah, that's stupid. There's no reason why you need to be drinking in a car.
What's that? I don't know why I keep saying it. Yeah, go check it out at TheBasementHero.com. What's that? Can we see Platform 9 and 3 quarters? It is in a train station. It's at King's Cross, isn't it? Yeah. Is it? I don't know where it is. It has to be in London. It has to. Okay. Okay. I mean, might as well start, right? What do you mean?
drivers can't have open alcohol containers in parking lots with 10 or more cars that makes no sense so they can in an empty one yo let's go to the parking lot of the stop and shop that's closed no i i i think maybe if the car is like in park and off i don't i don't know that's weird there is a law that like you can drink in your car as long as your keys aren't in your ignition
Well now with, yes, I know what you're referencing. Now it's not even about just in the ignition. Like you can't even be sitting in the front seat because now most cars are pushed to start. Uh, you know, like, isn't that crazy? Our kids will never understand turning it like a car on like that, bro. Do you remember how fucking cool it was when those first came out of like push to start?
You're like, yo, that is like luxury. Yeah. I remember when I got my Nissan, it had it in there and I was just like, yeah. Yeah. No keys. Push to start. Yeah, uh-huh. You know what it is. Everything I do, do it big. Yeah, uh-huh. Screaming. What does he scream? That's something. That's nothing. When I pulled off the lot. They stunting? That's stunting. That's stunting.
But yeah, I remember push to start when it first came around. I don't like it. I like turning a key. I kind of do too because you can do it aimfully. But I also just like when a car doesn't start, it's like, I like the, I don't mind both of them. My old car, like the very first car I had, like I had to like rock in the front seat to get the starter going sometimes.
That's how much of a piece of shit it was.
would that help get the starter going because with the start like you if someone has a bad starter they say like move the car because that might like get it going you know so you'd be in your car i literally would be in my car rocking back and forth trying to until you'd see the car from the outside shaking and it worked sometimes what was your first car a 2001 nissan altima 2001 Nissan Altima.
All black, murdered out. When did you get it? Murdered out is insane. Like a Nissan Altima. It's just a black car. No, but it had black illegal tints, black rims. You had illegal tints? Yeah. Why did you get them? So I bought it from a Dominican kid in like Bayside for $1,000. And it had the entertainment screen on it. I got it with like 134,000 miles on it.
Bro, I thought you were going to say 134. It had 134,000 miles on it? What do you think it was, $1,000? It was also 12 years old when I got it, Joey. That's so insane. Yeah. I rode that thing until it was dust. I remember that car. Dust. I remember the day I traded it in. I didn't have the tires were deflated. There was a broken flex pipe underneath. Probably pissed in that car.
You know, that's a great question. I don't remember peeing in that car. That was something he only did as an adult. Got it. Okay. I remember once Espo and I were driving to the lake house and I hit something on the road and it broke a pipe underneath. So I would drive and you'd hear ding. And you literally look under and you would see the pipe like that.
And I brought it to a, where I lived at the time, right next door was a mechanic. And he's like, this is going to cost like $1,200 to fix, or I can just tie it up. And I was like, just tie it up. Just tie it up. And he told me, he's like, okay, but you can't drive with the windows up because like the fumes can get in the car and you can pass out. And you were like, that's fine, I'll just.
Windows down. Yeah. I remember my mom's car. I was driving to go get like sandwiches with Keith or something. And we were listening to a song and I was looking at him and I didn't realize I was drifting and I drove over like, the shoulder and we were bouncing around, dude.
And I pulled over finally and I looked under and there was like this metal part and there was just like these giant cuts in it. Oh yeah. I was like, I fucked this car up. I, uh, I one time pulled into ironically, uh, a liquor store and they were doing work on like the, the entrance from to the parking lot from the street. And I guess I had taken my eye off the road for a sec and I hit something and
It wasn't anything living. Right. It was already a dead person. No, I'm kidding. No, and then I got, I went, I like parked, went into the store, bought everything I was buying, came back and there was a puddle of oil. Like, and I had fucked up the oil pan underneath the car. Of your, oh my God. So I drove it to like the mechanic the next morning because on the way home, it was smoking bad.
Smoking? Oh yeah, it was smoking bad. Bad, dude. Yeah. That's fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My first car was like, it was nice. It was good. Yeah, no, mine was not. A Mazda 3, I think it was. Nice. It must be nice being you. $219 a month. Must be nice. I paid $1,000 cash for it. for what can only be described as the biggest piece of shit car on the planet.
But I have a soft spot in my heart for that car. It did its job. We're all shocked that you missed your old car piece of shit. That thing was a piece of shit. I'm surprised you gave it back. Didn't keep it. I dropped it off. I dropped it off at the dealership. I traded it in. They gave me $1,500 for it. You made money on that car? Somehow. How many miles did it have when we came back?
Will you take a cart and drive it into the wall? I think the thing that they have there is they have a cart half sticking out the wall and you can pretend that you're pushing it and stuff like that. Yeah. We're going to be probably annoying Americans. Hell yeah. All of those places. Yeah, I don't think we have a choice. Maybe. Yeah, I don't know. In our blood. I mean, it is just who we are, baby.
I mean, technically, no, because I fucked up that pipe. Wait, how many miles did it have? Oh, 200,000? Probably, yeah. What the fuck? That's insane. Probably 200,000 miles on it. And they gave me $1,500 for it. And they didn't even, like, they didn't say, like, let's go see the condition. They were just like, we'll give, yeah, we'll just give you the, for the parts. Yeah.
Little did they know those parts were dust. Yeah. They were tied up. They were held together by a literal string. Not an exaggeration, Joey. But yeah. I told you with my car, it got fucking smashed. Yeah. And the guy was like, oh, can you just pull it down the street? I'm like, dude, I'm scared that I'm going to turn the car and it's going to explode. Yeah.
I literally couldn't shut the door and I had to drive it down the block. That's the other thing is I bent the door backwards on that one. How did you do that? Um... Oh, no, no, not backwards. So I was pulling out of, remember the gas station up the block from us in Astoria? Yeah.
I pulled out and I was like, I guess I looked back for something and there was a street sign, like a no parking street sign and where the front, I don't know how it explains, but like where the door hinges and where the front bumper meets, there's like a crease right there and it hit there and it bent it backwards. So my car door couldn't open more than like this.
So then I brought it to the guy that both of our dads know, the mechanic that was on 23rd Avenue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Joe's Garage. Joe, yeah. Yeah. And he used some tool on it where he put a crowbar in and there was a thing on a track and it was like a weight and he threw the weight back and it popped the thing out and he was like, you're good. Damn. Fire. So sick.
Being a mechanic is sick, but also socks. Yeah, yeah. I love the idea of just having dirty hands all the time. And a face that's dirty. And just like a... And my wife beater's all fucked up. Yeah. And he just like... And also you wear the same thing to work every single day and it has a cool little... Your name on it. Your name. You know?
Yeah, it's just me. You know? Yeah, it's no problem. I know your dad. He's a buddy of mine. Don't worry about it. Buddy. Always a buddy. He's always a buddy. Love that. Anyway, folks, those are our shitty cars. Well, one of us had a shitty car. I had a nice car. I did drive my dad's minivan for a very long time, and that was filled with sandwiches and newspapers. Yeah, that was a strange place.
Yeah, it was. We knew someone growing up that had a big, giant red van that just didn't have seats in the back, and we would drive places just sitting in the car. Hello, you're looking at him. That was me. No, there was somebody else, too. Mine was a red minivan. I know. This was a red work van. There was no windows. Who the fuck was it? I'll tell you after. I don't want to say any person's name.
That's so strange because there was no seats in my dad's car. Yo, nothing. No bench. No, nothing. Like not even like you could see the rivets or where they took it out. It was just not there. Yeah, that was the same thing with my dad's van. It was weird. I delivered pizzas in that. Yeah, I would sit back there on the way to like Jones Beach. It was so weird, bro. Weird place. Weird place.
Things happen. Anyway, where can they find you, Frank? F Alvarez. Go find it. Guys, go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram. TikTok is still a thing. We don't even know yet. We have no idea. But also Patreon. Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, that is all. Thank you guys so much for the support. See you guys next time.
It's coursing through our veins to be annoying. Through our veins. Yeah, we're going to be really excited. Bro, I hope you do the entire Scotland show on the accent. That would be great. I don't know. Oh, my God, dude. We get to interact with the Scottish crowd and hear their voices. Yeah, do you think their laughs sound different, too?
Because, like, here in America, their laughs are like, ha, ha, ha, ha. Over there, they're like, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Oh, man. They're not going to be happy with us, probably. They're just going to be like, what are you guys? Mostly you, I would say. No, do you remember all that stuff? I can't do the accent. Oh, yeah, we talked about the royal wedding. But she's dead. I don't think anyone's fucking with this guy. Who's the guy? King Charles? With his sausage fingers?
babies they kind of go like this well they rub their eyes but like i don't know baby babies or like what is the thing when people cry and they're like way who the fuck what fucking dumb ass bitch is crying like that yeah i cry without my hands on my face do you cry like you make it a point to no i cry and whenever i start getting myself going bro i'm crying at the drop of a hat lately man wait till you have kids i watched a movie that like
We probably should not talk about the King, Dad. They'll come get us. What's he gonna do? Probably several... There's several hundred years of history that suggests he might do something. He's gonna send his army of horses at us? Come on. You wouldn't be shook if you just woke up and there were several horses running in your direction? I'd be terrified. With lances and swords and all that?
You'd be scared. I'm rewatching Game of Thrones, and it's honestly crazy that, like, people on horseback could killβ Like, you know what I'm saying? How hard is it to kill a guy on a horse? Why is that hard? Because it's happening very fast. Yeah, but just cut the horse's leg.
Like, now I feel like I'mβ I think that's what they do in the show, is, like, they, like, take the horses out, and thenβ Like, isn't that what happens in Battle of the Bastards? Yeah, they like cut a horse's leg and he comes down and he fucking, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, that show, I've seen it once. Never need to see it again. I'm so okay. Unbelievable show.
Yeah, I mean, I think it definitely is a great show. It is not one of the greatest shows of all time. Easily. I stand by that. Easily. Not even top five. Easily. That's insane. No. I'm not even going to ask your top five because I don't care. But the reason that you love it so much is because of the production value. What? No, it isn't. How do you do something like that?
What goes through your head that you're just so used to saying things that you're like, here's why you like it. When have I ever said that? So why do you like it? The storylines, Joey? Tell me one storyline. Frank. Oh, you like watching brothers and sisters fucking diddle bop, bing bang, bing bang, bangers and mash. Yeah, that's not why.
I think it's such an incredible show because there's like nine different storylines going on. The production value. That's not production value, dumbass. The fact that they can interweave. All right, the writing. You're a big fan of George R.R. Martin? Frank, that's the reason why anyone likes any show. And the acting is great. Acting's good. I will say that. It is good.
I think that a lot of people, they see that show. That show sent a benchmark for TV. After that, now shows are $50 million projects, and each episode is a million dollars. Not Severance, which is coming out, has 100 Rotten Tomatoes. You're saying... Oh, I haven't seen any of Severance. Is it good? It's good. I don't want to, like, act like it's, like, insane.
But the reviews for the second season, which is coming out, like, next week or some shit, are, like, a hundred. Like, it's getting, like, praise. Like, whoa, one of the best seasons of a show ever. Wow. Which is, like, I think it's a good show. Okay. But if the second season is, like, great, then it definitely could be, like, yo. Okay. All right. We're not going to talk about shows the whole time.
Anyway. We could, baby. We can sit here and talk shows all day. I'm a show talker. I know. I love shows as well. Here's a more basement yard topic. We got more. You brought this up to me. And all I did was write down what you said. Yeah. And it says, son of only fan star explains why he takes pics for his mother. Yeah. Now it's your turn to tell me what?
Or I can just sit here and hold out and make you squirm like a little piggy. I don't even know how to respond to that. You don't respond to it. That's how... Because I'm going to put a ball gag in your mouth, you dirty little... What's going on with you over there? This kid woke up horny on the horny side of the bread. No, no, no, no. I'm not horny right now. No, I'm not horny right now. No.
No, apparently there is an OnlyFans creator. Oh, a content creator. What do you call them? Creators. Models? Creators. Creators? That's what they call them. Okay. Who's they? The Earth. Gotcha. Okay. OnlyFans creators. Because OnlyFans is a product of the Earth. Correct. Yeah. But apparently, I don't know what her name is. I have the information on my phone, but I don't care to look at it.
Her son is the one that is the photographer behind the... There goes that photographer again. Come on. Behind the camera taking the pictures and presumably videos for his mother. Is she... Wait. I haven't seen, I don't know. Is this not against the law? Is there not a law? Why, babe? Why? I mean, I think it should be, but why would it be? Because that's like child abuse. He's of age.
I think he's in his, like, 20s. Okay, then he should be in jail. Or they should lock them both up separately. Yeah, together they might be. You never know what would happen. Fuck. No, but so people said like, that's weird. Weird? It's disgusting. We agree, right? Of course. If your mom. Frank. Okay. Don't finish your sentence. Okay, okay. But if your mom. Fuck you. Okay? Did you ever. No, no, no.
Wasn't even sad. Yeah. And I just... Recently, remember I told you I watch Home Alone? I was like, shit, this almost got me. Dude, we... So, Miles and I finally finished the Harry Potter watch-along. Okay. And this little guy... Did he cry? No. Someone did. There were two people in the room. Miles didn't cry. Who did? I don't know. Somebody figure this out.
I'm saying like if your mom. Don't point at me. Frankie. Yeah, sorry. Your mom. I was asking you, Hey, I'm going to take these photos or I'm going to, I need you to take these photos. I'd be pissed. She told me in the first place. Right. Do it on your own time. Right. I don't need to know about this. I understand now is a different place than the word, a different place in the world now.
Oh, we're not that different place that you're going to be taking naked pictures for your mother. Bro. Could you imagine? No, never in a million years. I don't care how close I am with my parents or my children like that. It ain't happening. I wouldn't do that for my friend. Joey. What? Joey. You, what? I don't like that you turned towards me.
If I called you and said, yo, take pictures of my dong, dong sack butt. I'm throwing it online. You're not going to be like, I support you. That's not what you're asking. And take the pictures for you? I'm not taking the photos. Why? I don't need to. Just to be clear, I'm not taking them for you either. But I would expect more respect than I give you. Respect? Than I give you.
I'm not taking the photos. I'd be like, here's a link to a tripod. Set it up with a timer. But I'm not going to be there five inches from your heesh. Taking photos of it. I'll show you a tripod. Yeah, I bet you won't. That's bananas though. It is ridiculous. There's no excuse for taking naked photos of your mom. So someone asked him like, hey, what the hell? Sure. Yeah. Fair question.
I have a question. Yes. My first question is what the fuck? Man in the back. Man in the black shirt. I already did the thing. Oh, do it again. Well, let's do it again. All right. We'll be fielding some questions. Hold on one second. I have a question. Okay. Yes. Man in the black shirt. Go ahead. What the fuck is going on? What the shithole?
So he said, he was just like, it's not weird for me because I don't get horny. I consider it work. And then afterward, he goes, oh, and also because it's my mom, I'm not attracted to her. Yeah. See, you kicked that one under the dirt. You fuck. What am I saying? Kicked it under the rug. Who are you? You are me. I am you, me, you, and me. What? Yeah, no, that's disgusting. You can't be doing that.
Ew. That should be illegal, though. You shouldn't... The first part should be like, yeah, I'm not attracted to my mom. Let's make that very clear. Burying that underneath the first part is weird. They're not beating the allegations there. How do you, as a parent...
approach your son like with this hey can you take some pictures for me i imagine all right let's role play here i'm daddy you're my son okay you ready you're not daddy let's get that all right all right what do you call your dad dad okay i am i am daddy go ahead go ahead
Oh, it's on me to initiate. I'm sitting in my room. Hey, sport. I need to talk to you for a sec. Do you mind coming and sit down right here on Papa's lap?
am 24. okay you're 24 again in this situation all right all right no i'm joking around just joshing you haha skirt okay um skirt how would you bring that up i would say hey listen i um i have to take some pictures for work um but i really don't have anyone to take i don't have a tripod and i need to get them done soon do you mind help me out what kind of pictures Just stuff for work.
What the hell does that mean? I don't know. He's funny now? I don't know. He's telling jokes down there? Knock, knock. What's the deal with peanuts?
Jesus. She has a whole song. This song is called Juno. That's horny as fuck. And if you're a parent out there that's upset about the concert, just listen to this song and be like, maybe I shouldn't bring my 8-year-old. Do we not remember like... Fucking Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl, like basically giving a handjob to Justin Timberlake.
Bro, at her concerts, she used to get up there and she would OTPHJ to men. Just random guys. Over the pants handjob. Just random recipients of handjobs at Janet Jackson shows. They'd be like tied up on a cross. I don't know if she does this at every concert, but I've seen videos. She's like tied up on a cross and she's like... Ich kann sehen, warum sich eine Kreuzung an einer Kreuzung befindet.
Ein gewisser Teil der Leute wΓΌrde sich ΓΌber das befinden. Und ehrlich gesagt, ich kann sehen, warum sogar eine mehr intensivere Teil der Leute sich ΓΌber das befinden, wenn man sich ΓΌber die Herrschaft und den Heiligen verabschiedet. Nein, es geht nicht um Gott. Wenn du an einer Kreuzung eingekleidet bist, ich weiΓ nicht, ob es eine Kreuzung war, ich weiΓ nicht, ob es eine Form war. Whatever.
But Sabrina Carpenter, this is one of her songs, Hot Start. Juno, you said. It's called Juno. Okay. Don't have to tell your hot ass a thing. Oh yeah, you just get it. Whole package, babe, I like the way you fit. Now already... Oh, that's dick. We're talking about penis in things.
Eingepackt ist ein bisschen viel. Sie haben sich verletzt. Sie waren verletzt. Sie waren verletzt. Sie waren verletzt. Sie waren verletzt. Sie waren verletzt. Sie waren verletzt. Sie waren verletzt. Don't try to change the subject. Honestly, I tried to get out of that one a little bit.
I mean, she did talk about a giant wiener. Oh wait, it gets worse? Oh boy, what happened? Wait, dude, why does the world get so freaked out when women explain that they are sexual beings? So this is adore me, hold me and explore me. Mark your territory. I don't know if that's peeing. That's piss, dude. That might be piss. Dogs are going crazy for that one. Yeah, exactly.
Tell me I'm the only, only, only, only one. Adore me, hold me and explore me. I'm so fucking horny. Oh, Jesus Christ. All Subtext is gone out of the window here. Then there's another song called Bed Cam. I don't know. Bed Cam. And on this one, it just says... Why?
So... Wait, what? She says, come right on me. Come right on... Come right on me. I thought it was come right on me. But that doesn't make sense. Aber sie hat gesagt, komm gleich auf mich. Das ist verrΓΌckt, Alter. Das ist verrΓΌckt. Ich sage, Eltern, das ist auf dich. Sie macht das. Sie macht das. Du brauchst einen Wettbewerber, den deine Kinder zuhΓΆren. Mein Bruder ist 12 Jahre alt.
Er hat auf seinen Lungen geschaut. Ich rieche Arsch. Du denkst, meine Mutter war mit 50 Cent wΓΌtend? Oder ein junger Mann? Oder Lloyd Banks? Nein, sie ist furchtbar auf meinen Bruder.
Das ist furchtbar. Eltern, wenn ihr jemanden furchtbar macht, seid furchtbar auf euch selbst. Technologie ermΓΆglicht es, bestimmte Dinge zu beurteilen. Geht besser daran. Geht besser daran, mein Gott. Was macht ihr? Bringt nicht Sabrina. Sie ist da oben. Sie singt den Song Come Right On Me. Ich wΓΌrde sagen, das ist verrΓΌckt. Aber es ist nicht ihr Fehler.
It was a fraudulent slip. I will say, as someone who knows someone that has written poems. Ihr seid Freunde mit Edgar Allan Poe? Nein, ich bin Freunde mit Francisco, dem Poeten Laurean. Ich wΓΌrde sagen, das ist ein beeindruckendes Wortspiel. Das wΓΌrde Poeten wie Francisco sehr traurig machen. Weil das beeindruckend ist. Weil du gesagt hast, dass du auf mich schreiben wΓΌrdest. Ich schreibe nichts.
Ich schreibe auch nichts. Ich wΓΌrde das nicht schreiben.
Ich bin so traurig, dass du es zuerst gedacht hast. Nein. Was ist mit, und das kommt jedes paar Jahre auf, aber jederzeit, wenn eine Frau sexuell ist, wie MΓ€nner, MΓ€nner sind da drauΓen und sagen, hier ist mein fucking Dick und Ball, Alter. Und die Leute sind einfach so, sie sind Jungs, sie sind MΓ€nner. Und dann sind die MΓ€dchen so, oh ja, ich mag Sex auch.
Und sie sind so, du kontrollierst dich, Frau. Was zur HΓΆlle? Wir sind ein Bunch of Prudes. Es ist ein Doppelstand. Was ist da los? Oder die Jungs, die sagen, oh, nicht dein Baby im Publikum breastfeeden. Ich lasse dich jetzt wissen. Was? MΓ€nner, ich spreche mit dir. Und MΓ€dchen, zeig es den MΓ€nnern in deinem Leben.
Wenn du ein Problem hast mit einer Frau oder jemandem, der im Publikum breastfeedet. Das sind Bananen. Du bist der niedrigste, dummste, kleines Schwert von der ScheiΓe auf diesem fucking Planeten. Okay?
You are so stupid. What is wrong with you? You sucked on a tit once. You're just jealous you ain't sucking on tits, are you, boy? That's true. And also, what do you want to do?
Auf Flugzeugen? WeiΓt du was? Nimm den Titt in den Mund! WeiΓt du was? Das ist, was du tun solltest. Leute, wenn ihr euch ΓΌber jemanden verletzt macht, wir werden eure Γ€lteste Diarrhea-Dinosaurier-Mutter bekommen und ihr den Titt verletzen. Wie ist das? Franky, du versuchst jetzt als Champion fΓΌr Frauen zu sein und jetzt bist du nicht respektiert. Ich bin ein Champion. Ich spreche fΓΌr sie.
Frank, that's a bad outfit. Who do you send that to? Nobody. Not yet. I'm letting it marinate. And then I'll probably send it back to you one day when you say something to me. And I'll just be like, here. No, that's a good outfit.
WeiΓt du, was ich meine? Das ist Teil des Shows. Gott. Und es ist lustig, weil diese Leute... Die Eltern, die sich verletzt haben, waren die Eltern, die sich auf Wham und New Kids on the Block interessierten. Und bevor das... David Bowie. Der kommt mit seinem Penis raus. Ja, David Bowie. Und du wirst so verletzt werden, Warte, was war die WAM-Song?
Das ist eine andere, die ich mir vorgestellt habe. Ich hasse diese Song, ΓΌbrigens. Das ist eine tolle Song, Joey.
Trashbags. Es ist so gut, Alter. Es ist nicht. Du bist verrΓΌckt. Ich will nicht in diese Rallye gehen. Was ist die WAM-Song, aber? WAM. Oh, sind die Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go? Wenn das so ist, dann tut das nicht gut. Let me see, most famous wham songs.
Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go. Nailed it. Last Christmas. How do you land on that as your band name? Wham? Just like a... You know what I mean? I don't know. The Edge of Heaven is another song. The Edge of... Edging in Heaven. I guess so. George Michaels on there. Speaking of... George Michaels is in Wham? He was Wham. Before he was Wham in Fangs, he was Wham in Wham. George Michaels is gay?
The gayest, dude. I don't know. I get confused. He got in trouble for like whamming pee-pee in like a public bathroom.
What? George Michaels was whamming wangs in bathrooms? Oh, I hope I'm right on this. Whamming the wangs in the washroom. Yeah, because the joke was in Arrested Development that he was named George Michael. And then he was like, he changed it to George Maharis, who was another person I got in. George Michael Controversy. I feel like Frank is basing... Came out as gay in 98. Active LGBT.
Yeah. He was arrested in 98 for public lewdness. Oh. And multiple drug-related offenses. Oh, okay. He was wanging. He was cruising for sex. That's literally... That's not what's written in there. He was cruising? Yeah. He was really jonesing for a penis. His only crime, cruising for sex. In Hempstead Heath Park in London. Nice. Yeah, what was this lewd act?
I think it was when he was in parks just like, yo, going crazy on glory holes and shit. But, yeah, you didn't know he was, you didn't know. Wham? I mean, I barely know Wham, dude. That's from like the 70s. Am I making that up? I don't know. Ah, 80s, I believe. Yeah, mid to late 80s. Where did Wham come from? Where didn't it come from? I guess, yeah. Kamaraderie. Kamaradamie. Yeah, there it is.
Listen, they are the sum of their parts. Let me explain that really quickly. I look great in that outfit. As I do in this one. I'm not wearing pink and black Adidas. Yes, you are. No, I'm not. They can't see my bottom half, so as far as they know, it doesn't exist. Whatever. Hast du jemals die Idee gehΓΆrt, dass SchrΓΆdingers Katze oder SchrΓΆdingers Box oder was auch immer... Pause.
That's where it came. Wow, crazy. And I can't believe you don't like Last Christmas. That's a good one. I don't like hate. It's just not like, yo, it's a banger. I mean, I'm not saying it's the best, but I'm saying it's good. You're saying it's trash. That's what you said.
Das kΓΆnnte auch fΓΌr Sex sein. Letztes Weihnachten habe ich dir mein Herz gegeben. Das kΓΆnnte eine sexuelle Sache bedeuten. Am nΓ€chsten Tag hast du es weggegeben.
Wie gibst du jemand anderes sein Herz weg? But that wouldn't... Very next day you gave it away. Oh yeah, maybe. This year to save me from tears. I gave it to someone special. Yeah. New love. Beautiful. Wham. Christmas. Who else was in Wham? Frank. I didn't even know George Michael was in it. I'm shocked you didn't know that. I had no idea. Wham! Members. Come on. Frank, it doesn't matter.
It's a 400-year-old band. Joey, 35-year-old band. Andrew Ridgely. Don't know it. Dion Estes. Don't know it, too. Hugh Burns. You guessed it. Danny Cummings. Spelled the way you would expect. Spellt nach Sabrina Carpenter. VerrΓΌckt. Aber wenn du deine eigene Impfung bekommst, bist du wahrscheinlich so, dass du nicht weiΓt, ob du den gleichen Doktor zurΓΌckgehen kannst oder nicht.
Und bevor sie an diesem Show gesponsert wurden, hatte ich den ZocDoc, um zu finden, welche Doktoren in meinem Bereich meine Impfung genommen haben. Und wer ist ein guter Doktor? Ich habe keine Ahnung. Ich bin mein ganzes Leben lang nur zu einem gegangen. Also mit diesem ist es eine gratis App und Website, wo du searchen und vergleichen kannst, hohe QualitΓ€t in Network-Doktoren.
Und Sie kΓΆnnen den richtigen fΓΌr Ihre BedΓΌrfnisse wΓ€hlen. Es ist nicht nur PrimΓ€rwissenschaftler, obwohl es das ist. Aber Sie kΓΆnnen auch Spezialisten finden, wie ich, Skincare, Dermatologen und so weiter. Also Sie kΓΆnnen all das mit diesem finden.
And you can do so right now, so stop putting it off. Stop putting your doctor's appointments off and go to zocdoc.com slash basement to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's zocdoc.com slash basement. Okay, so go check it out, zocdoc.com slash basement. Und wir haben auch, hallo, FitBod. FitBod wird dich in Form bringen.
Sie werden dir eine personalisierte Routine fΓΌr dich, deine Ziele und dein Fitnesslevel und, was du zur VerfΓΌgung hast.
Hast du das jemals gehΓΆrt? Pause-Button. Wer ist das? SchrΓΆdinger. Ja, nein. Wer ist das? Ich weiΓ nicht, wer es ist. Ich kenne Nicole Schwarber. Ich kenne Kyle Schwarber. Ich kenne Kyle Schwarber auch. Und du kennst Nicole... Ich kenne Dr. Scholz. Ist das eine echte Person? Dr. Scholz? Es ist der FuΓgΓ€nger. Ich weiΓ nicht, es gibt viele falsche Γrzte, die sich in seltsame Positionen befinden.
oder sie haben kein Equipment und keinen Zugang zu einem Gym, was auch immer es ist, sie kΓΆnnen eine personalisierte Routine fΓΌr Sie entwickeln. Sie adaptieren sich zu Ihrem Wachstum, also ist jedes Workout anstrengend genug, um Sie zu fΓΆrdern, um Erfolg zu erzielen, was gut ist.
Es ist schΓΆn, dass Profis eine Routine fΓΌr dich machen, die dir und deinen BedΓΌrfnissen zusammenhΓ€ngt, um dich zu folgen. Es ist einfach und du kannst lernen. Und es ist besonders beruflich, weil sie auch ΓΌber 1.000 Demonstrationen-Videos haben.
Also wenn du nicht wirklich weiΓt, wie man bestimmte Dinge macht und du hast Termine gehΓΆrt, wo du denkst, ich weiΓ nicht, was das ist, kannst du neue Bewegungen lernen, in der richtigen Weise, mit ΓΌber 1.000 Demonstrationen-Videos. Es ist beruflich in dieser Weise. Bis zum nΓ€chsten Mal.
Und wΓ€hrend du da bist, wenn du etwas benΓΆtigst, um dich auf dieser Fitness- oder Gesundheitsjourney zu unterstΓΌtzen, dann gehst du gerne an den Patreon. Bing, bang, bing, bang, bing. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Leute, vielen Dank, dass ihr so viel fΓΌr uns weitergibt, um uns zu wachsen. Und bop, bop, bop, bop zum Top.
Wir erzΓ€hlen euch immer ΓΌber es, aber ich mΓΆchte sicherlich, dass ich es euch noch einmal erzΓ€hle. Oder Joe wird, du hast es verstanden, einen Blut in den Hintergrund legen. So, go to patreon.com. You sign up for that first tier. You get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. And then there are more tiers.
There's more stuff on there. I don't have them memorized. I didn't memorize the script. I'm sorry. Greg is behind the camera right now with cue cards. And now he's flipping me off. Okay, well, nonetheless, go to Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Any of the old episodes, if you're brand new to Patreon, that are on there or that you haven't seen or whatever, are gonna be available for you.
There's hundreds of hours of content from us. So go check it out right now. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. We thank you guys so much for continuing to help us grow. We have announced some new stuff that's going on for our Patreons. And we're not gonna say it in here yet, but check it out. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Before we move further, bitch. Um... Fucker.
I was driving on my way here and I thought of a science question and I feel like I need to ask... Yes, ask the science question. Well, I mean, you and I... Here's the thing. We're scientists. We're not scientists, but we are very good at piecing together possible logic. Figuring out the secrets of the world. Well, yes, because whether it be physics, chemistry...
We can figure it out for the most part. But I was driving and I was like, I looked at my speedometer and I was going 70 miles an hour. And I was like, okay. I looked next to me and there was a ball, a baseball in my car. Don't ask me why I have a baseball in my car. I have one. And then I was like, wait a sec. This baseball is moving 70 miles per hour. So if I were to take this baseball
Und Nicole Schwerzinger. Scherzinger. Scherzinger. Scherzinger.
Und wenn ich es so hart wie mΓΆglich schiebe, sagen wir, ich kann auch 70 kmh schieΓen. Okay. WΓΌrde das Ball dann 140 kmh fahren? Weil ich 70 plus 70 mache? Nein. Warum nicht? Weil... Nein. Aber es bewegt sich mit mir in der Fahrt. Alles in der Fahrt bewegt sich mit der Geschwindigkeit der Fahrt. Wenn ich auf die Bremsen schiebe, wird das Ball rollen, weil es seine Bewegung hΓ€lt.
Du hast gesagt Schwerzinger.
Sie war wie ihr Kind und Arnold Schwarzenegger. Ja. Ich... Wer ist die Katze? Die Katze. Schrodingers Box. Du hast noch nie die Idee von Schrodingers Box gehΓΆrt? Nein. Schrodingers Katze?
Well, because that is a different direction, a different law of gravity, like the law of gravity is moving it that way now.
Yeah, it will. No, it will die down very quickly. But if I throw, if it's in my, if I'm going 70 in the car and I throw it, It's going faster than 70. If it's going ahead of the car. No. Why not? Like Frank, 140 miles an hour is so fast. If you're in the back of a pickup truck. Yes. And you throw the baseball 70 miles. Like you could throw 70 miles an hour. You throw it and you're going 70.
I don't think it's going 140. Does the direction in which I'm throwing it matter? Of course. We're talking about wind here. So if I throw it with the wind. That's what I mean. Yeah, of course you're throwing it that way. So then why wouldn't it? Ich denke, das ist ein Weg, um es umzugehen. Nein. Also, ja, Alter.
Ich weiΓ es nicht. Ich weiΓ es nicht.
If I have a ball, I'm driving 70 miles per hour. Let's use your example of a pickup truck since you're white. Okay. And I have the ball in my hand and I throw it in the air like this. Nothing crazy, not like a fucking pop-up. Like I throw it like right here. And then someone... Gently, let's not say slams, but gently presses the brakes. That ball is still going 70 miles per hour.
Same as if they were to speed up.
Because it has to do with a cat. It's like a quantum physics theory. If you were to put a box in the corner and I tell you there's a cat in there, they're like, there is a cat, but there isn't a cat or some shit like that. It's a fucking crazy... Now I gotta look it up just to make sure I'm not fucking this up. I mean, you haven't even said anything.
I'm driving in a car in a straight line.
It's at rest. Yeah, but it's not at rest because it is in relative movement with the car. But not kinetically. But if I were to slam the brakes, the kinetic energy would transfer to that ball. I don't know. Now we're losing each other here. Parabola. I don't know. Mathematics, bitch. Although it does have some roots in science as well. You don't know what you're talking about. I am Dark Maga.
Weil der Wind den ScheiΓ drΓΌckt. Das ist nicht meine Furcht. Wir fahren in einem Vakuum. Vergiss den Back of the Pickup Truck. Ich bin in einem Auto. Du hast das gemacht. Du hast einen Ball in der Hand. Autos sind Vakuum, oder? So the car is going 70 miles an hour, right? And you throw a ball in the air. It comes right back down in your hand. Yep.
So, all right. So I hear what you're saying. So let's say we're in a party bus. And how did you think that was going to change anything? Lass uns sagen, wir sind auf einem Party Bus und wir spielen Catch. Wir sind auf einem Party Bus und wir spielen Catch. Ich bin auf der RΓΌckseite des Party Buses und du bist auf der Vorderseite des Party Buses. Und der Party Bus geht 70 Meilen pro Stunde.
Jesus, ΓΌbrigens. Wir sind tot. Das Ding sollte sich langsamen. Γbrigens, bringe Party Buses zurΓΌck. Ich bin da. Ja, okay. Erinnerst du dich, als Kinder Spitzballen auf unserem Party Bus hatten?
On the way to the wedding.
Yeah, and we were joking, we were gonna like stop the bus and get out and chase them. Oh! I honestly missed that, I didn't see it, but whatever. But, we're playing, being dudes, playing catch with a baseball in a party bus. Typical guys. Party bus is traveling 70 miles per hour. Right. Okay. You could toss me the ball. What do you think, Frank?
I think it's then gonna... It's gonna go 70 miles an hour to my glove? Are you fucking okay? Obviously that's not gonna happen. I think it might. It won't. Why? Frank, I wouldn't be able to catch you. You're at the back of the bus. And then I'm in the front of the bus and I throw it as hard as I can. Is it getting the speed of the 70 plus my incredibly hard throwing speed? Absolutely not.
You put a box in the corner, you tell me there's a cat in there, and then what? Schrodingers cat. So Schrodingers cat is a quantum... Es wird gedacht, dass ein Experiment Sieh, es wird hier zu wortig. Ist das ein Comic-Buch-Ding oder ist das ein reales Leben-Ding? Okay.
Hank, ich brauche deine Hilfe. Ich weiΓ, nimm ihn an. Ich nimm ihn an, ja. Hank Green, ich mΓΆchte nur sagen, ich liebe diesen Kerl.
ein Bild eines Tieres, das ist verrΓΌckt. Das ist groΓartig. Und dann sende ich einen zurΓΌck und wir haben eine kurze Konversation und das ist es. Ich bin ein bisschen traurig, ich werde ehrlich sein. Und dann schickt er einen raus.
Nein, ich werde nicht. Warum nicht? Ich weiΓ es nicht. Ich habe nur Okay, fair genug. Wir sind nicht auf meiner Ebene. Du wirst es nie wissen. Frank, wir sind auf einem Duck-Konversationsniveau. Ich kann es nicht sagen. Er wartet nur auf dich, um den Eis mit einer wissenschaftlichen Frage zu brechen. Das ist, was er tut. Franky, du kommst nicht richtig. Ich glaube, du kommst nicht richtig.
Ich denke, wenn du... Warte. Du bist kein Idiot. Ich weiΓ. Ich weiΓ. Du kannst nicht cosplayen. Cosplay? Don't cosplay is a fucking moron. I'm not cosplaying as an idiot. I really think so. Now you are an idiot.
Which always gets pissed all over. Of course. And then that one girl throws up all over it. We know who you are. Erica. I was gonna say Sarah. Oh, alright. Yeah, that works too. Both white names. Oh, you weren't at that party bus, were you? You were on a party bus with someone's mom?
We were on a party bus for a girl that we knew named Erica Sweet 16 and I was stone cold sober and she stopped the bus to come up to me and smell my breath. She stuck her nose in my mouth. Weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was anyone drunk? No, I wish I was drunk, I'll be honest. I'm just, you know, some of us have a good time because we're naturally just fun people. Frank. What? But, okay.
I'm in the back of the bus and then you're in the front of the bus. We're traveling that way. I guess the other way would be with the speed. So I'll be in the front of the bus, you'll be in the back of the bus. And I throw a baseball. You think that if I just go like this, it's going to go 70 miles an hour? No. But if you throw it hard, it will. If I throw it as hard as I can?
Das ist ein Gedanken-Experiment, das von dem ΓΆsterreichischen Physiker Erwin SchrΓΆdinger, guter Name, ΓΌbrigens, besucht wird, welches er designt, um einen Paradoxus der Quantensuperposition zu illustrieren, in dem ein hypothetischer Katz entweder lebendig oder tot ist, weil sein Tod zu einem randomen Ereignis verbunden ist, das mΓΆglich oder nicht passieren kann.
Well, because it is moving, because it is... Hold on, I'm on the verge of something here. Frank, you know that that's not going to happen. I have a breakthrough here.
But now if you throw it, there are different forces acting upon it. Gravity, friction. Frank, that doesn't mean anything. Schrodinger's cat. He's back.
Let's get on a party bus and test this. I think that there is a test. The Mythbusters can help us out with this one. Frank, I... A seventh grader could help us out with this one. Let's get Hank Green, the Mythbusters, Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Anyone over eight years old. I think if we put together that super team of people right there. The Avengers of physics. We might be able to figure this out. To half understand. This might be the hardest question ever asked.
Welcome back to the basement yard. How's it going, Frank? You okay? I'm good. You sure? What's going on? Are you okay? I feel good. Your feely. I fully expect that you're... Touchy feely. I am a touchy feely guy. I've learned to stop. What does that mean? Like, remember when we were kids, you said, like, I'd always, like, play with the buttons on your shirt and shit like that?
Exactly. That wouldn't happen. I think it would. Because if you're throwing with this speed, because it is traveling in that direction, so if you throw it backwards at the same, it needs to be at the same or faster speed in order to really get it going. Right? Don't write. I'm not on your side. I'll be honest with you. I'm not fucking around here.
I think that there is more to support my claim, we just can't figure it out because we're not scientists, than there is to support your claim. No, Frank, explain then how, if I'm holding a baseball and I throw it up in the air in a car and it comes back down, why it doesn't go flying? Weil es nicht genug Zeit hat, um eine andere direktionale VerΓ€nderung anzunehmen. Wenn du es drΓΌckst... HΓΆr auf.
Oh, ich hΓΆre. Wenn du es hΓΆher drΓΌckst, dann wird die GravitΓ€t und so etwas es senken, und dann wird es zurΓΌckgehen. Oder vorwΓ€rts. At 70 miles an hour? I don't know the exact speed, but I imagine that there's some addition. It's an addition of speed. You're adding speed to speed. That makes it faster, right? When you hit NOS, what happens? NOS?
Are you talking to Mr. Diesel right now? Mr. Diesel. Mr. Diesel. We're on a first name basis, Vin and I. Now you have something for a fight scene in the next Fast and Furious movie. A baseball. Just get a really cool baseball pitcher that also wants to be in movies. Let's use Emanuel Classe as an example. Closer for the Cleveland Guardians. He could throw hard.
Get a fight scene between him and a real bad guy. Someone real bad. Played by Mark Wahlberg or something. I don't know. And have the whole fight scene just be about Emanuel Classe throwing baseballs to defend himself. Randy Johnson. There you go. He's a photographer now. I know. Isn't that crazy? It is crazy. But also, guys killed two birds. Richtig.
Ich denke, dass es einige GrΓΌnde gibt, um da zu stehen. Nein, es gibt keine.
Ich bin wirklich gespannt, ob die Leute das herausfinden. Ich hoffe, dass die Wissenschaftler, die das anschauen, uns helfen kΓΆnnen. Ich weiΓ nicht, ob ihr es seht. Wir kΓΆnnen nicht die richtige Antwort entdecken. Aber unsere Kalkulationen... Einer von uns kann es nicht. Nein, Bitch. Was zur HΓΆlle weiΓt du? Ich weiΓ alles.
Ja, ich wΓΌrde sagen. Ja, ja. Wenn es ein Prozent war auf all das Wissen des Universums. Oh, wie viel ich weiΓ? Ja. Weniger als 1%. Ja, da ist kein Weg. Ich glaube nicht, dass jeder 1% ist. Okay, sagen wir mal das Wissen der Erde. Das ist das Wissen der Erde. Wenn wir das Universum sagen, natΓΌrlich, weil das Universum niemals aufwΓ€chst.
Yeah, I know, right? Yeah, why'd you even bring that up? Because I'm making fun of your stupid sweater. And there's no connection? No. So, see, this is why you just call it yourself.
Frank, du kannst die Vereinigten Staaten machen, du kannst es in New York machen, du kannst es klein machen. Wirklich? Ja. In diesem Raum? Ich weiΓ es nicht. Ich habe ein Prozent. Glaubst du, du weiΓt mehr ΓΌber Dinge, als ich?
If we were to just have like a general thing, like general trivia, not about a specific, like anything in particular, do you think you know more or less than me? I don't know. Yeah, that's a really good question, because I want to bury you here, but I can't, honestly. And I think it speaks a lot to my knowledge to not do that.
Not everything, but I try to, when I am into something, I try to get to know as much as I can. But there are some things that you're just like. You have no knowledge of it whatsoever. Modern music. Anything pop culture. I wouldn't say no knowledge. I would say in the grand scheme of things, I would know a lot. Frank, if it wasn't downloaded at some point on an iPod Touch, you don't know it.
Okay, go on. And I loved my iPod Touch. I love how you're talking shit about iPod Touches. I'm not talking about iPod Touch. I'm talking about iPod Touch. We have sponsors. We have more sponsors for today. That was insane. You heard that? That was crazy, honestly. I almost ate my own face just now. Good job. That's all I gotta say. Okay. But we have Stitch Fix.
Stitch Fix, if you want to keep your wardrobe nice and... Das war's fΓΌr heute. Es sind Brands, die du kennst und liebst. Und dann kriegst du eine Box und du hast alles. Und du denkst dir, wow, okay, jemand, mein persΓΆnlicher Stylist, hat all das ausgewΓ€hlt. Und dann zahlst du nur fΓΌr das, was du behΓ€ltst. Und die RΓΌckzΓΌge sind immer gratis. Also, es ist so.
Also, ich bin mir ziemlich sicher, du kannst, wie oft du diese Box holen willst, du kannst das machen. Aber ja, es macht den Stil einfach, weiΓt du. Also es ist toll. Also Shopping und Stylistik, es kann ΓΌberwΓ€ltigend sein. Du gehst da rein. Ich mag es nicht, in Storchen zu gehen und zu sagen, ich muss in den Rack gehen, ich muss alles anschauen und so weiter. Ich liebe das nicht wirklich.
Correct! You got me! So the knowledge is not necessarily knowing about things, it's just knowing things. So like I know about Schrodinger's cat. I don't know what the hell it is though. So that's enough to start a conversation. Like look, give me something that you know a lot about and I don't. Let's say F1, okay? Seriously.
Also wΓΌrde ich lieber einfach online gehen und jemand anderen etwas auswΓ€hlen lassen. Keine RΓ€ume, keine Linien, nichts davon.
Okay, that is again stitchfix.com slash basement. And we also have PrizePix. PrizePix, it's the best place to get real money sports action. Okay, with over 10 million members and billions of dollars awarded in winnings, PrizePix has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all.
travis kelsey will he have more or less than 70 receiving yards stuff like that and you can win up to 100 times your money which is as little as four picks uh depending on what you know line up you're kind of putting in um but yeah so it's a lot of fun my friends love it and yeah it's like easy to understand it's just more or less also if you really like to build uh you know
Ja, dann kriegst du sofort 50 Dollar, wenn du die 5 Dollar Line-Up spielst, okay? Und letztlich haben wir hier Skims. Skims! Frank hat gerade aufgelegt, weil Frank ein groΓer Skims-Typ ist. Ich bin ein groΓer Skims-Typ. Er ist ein groΓer Skims-Typ, okay?
Ja, ja, wΓΌrde ich sagen. Und... It looks good, too. That's all I'm going to say. I don't want to make any claims.
I can't be backed by science, personally. It looks good? I look great. It looks good on you. I look okay, honestly. Because I'm fully naked, I don't look great. Have more confidence. You look great, Frank. You've never seen me fully naked.
Skims, they make very comfortable underwear and you've probably seen it for women, but they also make it for men. Alright, so for all you men out there.
Nehmt ein paar Skims, ein paar komfortablen Unterhauern fΓΌr eure Verliebten, okay? Und sie sind lΓΌftbar, okay? Nichts, was euch alle schmerzt oder so, es wird schΓΆn sein. Okay? Aber kauft Skims-MΓ€nner, kauft Skims-MΓ€nner auf Skims.com, lasst sie wissen, dass wir euch gesendet haben.
Nachdem ihr euren Beweis gelegt habt, klickt auf Podcast in der Survey und klickt auf unser Show in dem folgenden Dropdown-MenΓΌ. Also, all you ladies out there, you want your men to look right? Go get them some Skims for Christmas, okay? Stuff that in the stocking.
And I'm not trying to make fun of the fact that you just watch cars go fast in a circle. F1, man. Ich kenne F1, aber ich kenne es nicht von F1. Das war dein Beispiel? Du denkst F1, Mann. Nein, ich wΓΌrde es sehr schnell herausfinden. Denn es gibt Leute, die es nicht interessieren, darΓΌber zu sprechen. Sie wollen manchmal nur darΓΌber sprechen, was sie lieben. So I can be like, dude, F1, right?
But yeah, and if you're looking for the perfect gifts for the whole family, Skims just launched their biggest holiday shop ever, also available at Skims.com. So Skims.com, let them know we sent ya. Alright? Very nice. Yeah, I don't want to make any promises about Skims that I can't back up.
Write a check that your mouth can't catch.
I've never heard that one. Oh no, that's not how you say it. You write a check that your ass can't cash? Is my ass the cash? I don't know. Where is the cash? Is it in my mouth or in my ass?
Don't write a check that you don't have the funds for. It's not that your mouth... Don't write a check that will bounce off your ass.
Don't write a check. Don't write checks that your mouth can't cash? Don't let your mouth write checks your body can't cash. That's not right either. What was the beginning of it? That's right. Your mouth is writing a check the rest of your body can't cash.
What does it say? Don't let your mouth write a check that your ass can't cash. That's the one. Ah. Also sag nicht, dass du nicht zurΓΌckkommen kannst. Erstens, wie werden wir die Wissenschaftsfragen beantworten? Wir kΓΆnnen das gar nicht. Wir kΓΆnnen das gar nicht korrekt beantworten. Das ist verrΓΌckt. Ich wΓΌnschte, dass ich da war, als diese Dinge zum ersten Mal gesagt wurden.
Weil du weiΓt, dass jemand sagt, Oh mein Gott. Das war ziemlich cool. Das war ziemlich cool. Das war ziemlich krass, Alter. Da war jemand in einer Bar-Fight und er war so... DON'T WRITE A CHECK I CAN'T REMEMBER IT NOW DON'T LET YOUR MOUTH WRITE A CHECK THAT YOUR ASS CAN'T CATCH Ja, hast du jemals den von Blade gehΓΆrt? Hast du jemals... Sehen Blade? Ja, gesehen Blade. Wie Wesley Snipes' Blade?
Der einzige Blade zu... Oh, es gab eigentlich ein TV-Show mit Sticky Fingers. Aber ja, mit Wesley Snipes. Sticky Fingers. Ja, ich habe Blade gesehen. Erinnerst du dich an den Satz, den er aus dem Film sagt?
Ja. He says a lot of motherfuckers. But he says like some motherfuckers always trying to ice skate uphill. Das ist so ein guter Satz. Hat jemand jemals auf Eiskaten gespielt? Hat jemand jemals auf Eiskaten gespielt? Wie ist das nicht wie ein Olympischen Sport? Eiskaten auf Eiskaten? Ja, das ist hart. Das ist so unglaublich dumm.
Frank, wir gehen in kleinen Trucks, nicht Trucks, aber wir gehen in kleinen Schleifen und schlagen auf Eiskaten.
Belittle what your brother almost did in the Olympics. I can't wait till he gets a hold of this. He's just like, what the hell?
How? You're just in a sled, dude.
You just have to run with it. I'll be honest with you. Faster than other Olympians. I'll be very honest with you. Be honest with me. I don't see this skill in bobsledding.
I've done it on tubes at mammoth falls and lake compounds. Say tubes again.
Why do you say it like that?
It's just swimming. Of course it's impressive. It's a full body workout. Oh, what about track and field? It's just running. It's a full body workout. In track and field, you need great stamina, you need to be fast, you need, you know, muscles. So, okay, you're pushing... You get in a little... You push it... You run and you push this heavy sled. Okay, and then you sit in a little fucking pod.
And then you have to, there's like a steering something. Oh man, so I could be an Olympic fucking player of Need for Speed Underground 2 because I just gotta steer something?
And you go like, yeah, and then you just like unfurl just all this knowledge about F1. Right. So there you go.
Oh mein Gott, wie wenn ich in einem 1985-Film gefoltert werde.
WeiΓt du, was ich am anderen Tag gemacht habe, das mich sofort zurΓΌckbringte?
Klasse? Was noch? Einen Tag werde ich ΓΌber diesen Tisch fliegen. Und ich werde dich mit den 30 Jahren von Megazord-HΓ€nden zerstΓΆren.
Ich wΓΌrde sagen, ich habe eine Vending-Maschine benutzt. Und ich musste das Ding mit dem Dollar machen.
Oh, du musstest... Wo ich es ausbrechen musste. Weil du es drin hast? Ich habe es drin gemacht und es wieder rausgespΓΌlt. Ich hasse es, wenn es um Bitches geht. Alter, ich bin zu einer Vending-Maschine ein paar Wochen ago gegangen. Ich habe den Dollar drin gelegt und es hat mir zwei Dollar-Coin gegeben. Es wΓΌrde nicht mein Papier-Money nehmen. What the fuck? I don't know. I was so confused.
I was like, what the hell is going on?
Ja, aber es fΓΌhlte sich so gut an, das wieder zu machen. Einfach das Dollar rauszumachen. WeiΓt du, wie es in Cartoon-Szenen ist, wenn sie sich ausdrehen? Oh, und er sagt, wir, wir. Du machst das? Ich mache es fΓΌr SpaΓ. Ich habe es schon gemacht. Ich habe es gemacht. Ja, egal. Das ist nicht so, wie ich meinen Butt ausdrehe. Und es kommt nie auspoliert.
Hast du nie gesehen, wie Ren und Stimpy das machen? Wow, ja, Ren und Stimpy. Ja.
I have, oh my God. Yes. I had the worst being recognized in person interaction in my entire life.
Nein, es war die kleinen Twirly Twirls. Das war okay. Ja, ich liebe diese. Ja, es war cool. Ich mag die, die so ein bisschen... und dann bringt es sie runter. Wir haben das vorhin schon gesprochen. Ich mag die, die mit einem Vakuum drin sind. Es ist wie die Dipping Dots, wo es sich ΓΆffnet und es... und es so ein bisschen das Leben auslΓΆst und es in das kleine Ding bringt. Jesus.
Das ist das, was es macht.
Du kannst drei Packungen Chips bekommen.
Yeah, dude. It's like, if you're drinking that, that kills your sperm, so you're gay. And I'm like, where is the math in that? Let's unpack the logic there. Yeah, I don't get it. Who's the sperm for? A woman. So if I'm killing the sperm... Aber ich kΓΆnnte immer noch Sex mit MΓ€nnern haben.
No, no, no. I was out with Becca and the kids. And it's not like how it happened, but just the way that the person went about saying it was like, I wanted to fucking leave there and just like bash my head against the wall. What the hell was that? I don't know. That was fucking scary, honestly. She goes, make sure you're still plugged in, baby. Yeah, I'm good. She goes, it was a woman.
Aber auch, wenn du dich um deine Zellen interessiert hΓ€ttest, hΓ€ttest du dich wahrscheinlich auch als gay genannt. Wenn ich mich um sie interessiert hΓ€tte? Ja. Warum bist du so interessiert um deine Zellen, Alter? Ja, wir sind in der siebenten, siebenten Klasse. Alter. Was machst du? Es war ein Meilenstein, um in der Middle School zu navigieren, als ein fucking Kind in 2004, 2005.
Selbst wenn du etwas tust... Ich erinnere mich, als ich in der 6. Klasse war, habe ich versucht, romantisch zu sein. Und ich wΓΌrde... Siehst du, das ist gay. Ja, genau. Du hast es schon gemacht.
Ja, es war wirklich... Es war schwer. Es war wirklich schwer fΓΌr uns... Wir haben es durchgefΓΌhrt. ...straΓe junge MΓ€nner, die sensibel sind. Die lachen und huggen. Und sie mussten offensichtlich heterosexuell sein. Ja. It was really hard for us. Especially me. White? Oh man. How did you even navigate the world, dude? I don't know.
Wow. Ja. Du hast das eigentlich komplett ausgelΓΆst. Ich habe angefangen, langsam zu sprechen.
Ich sage mir immer, wenn ich einen Stomachschmerz habe.
Das ist ein groΓer Schmerz.
No, I'm not a big... You don't cut deals? I don't cut deals. Bro, I cut deals with the Lord. You still speak to the Lord? When I'm throwing up, I'll be like, yo, if you just get me through this, like, I'll change. I do the classic, I'll do the change. I swear, that's a real thing that I do.
I'll do the classic thing where, like, when my nose is stuffed, I'm like, oh, I took for granted all those times when my nose wasn't stuffed. Ja, ich gehe auf einen Rant und sage, dass ich meine Nase zurΓΌck wollen wollte. Ja, ich mache das. Ich bargene nicht. Du bargene fΓΌr gute Gesundheit. Ich denke, das ist das Gegenteil von dem, was du tun solltest.
Damn, God. Wherever you are. Yeah. All around us. So I can just do one of these. You look down, so I don't know who you're praying to. All around us, bitch. Okay. God. Oh, I never get carsick when I'm driving. Wenn ich nicht... Espo ist so. Er sagt, yo, ich muss in den vorderen Platz sitzen. Ich bekomme Angst vor dem Auto. Ich bin so. Erinnerst du dich an... Welches Show war es?
Eines der Shows, an die wir gingen. Ich saΓ in der sehr, sehr hinten. Und es musste einer der verdammten verrΓΌckten Fahrer sein, den wir hatten. Es war wahrscheinlich Texas. Ich sagte, erinnere dich, ich sagte, ich war so, yo, chill out, Dude. Ja, die Fahrer in Texas sind nicht... Ja.
Und seitdem habe ich gesagt, ich muss in den vorderen Platz sitzen, weil ich ziemlich Angst vor dem Auto habe. Ich denke, es kΓΆnnte in L.A. gewesen sein, weil wir auf dem Hill geblieben sind. Es war sehr loop-de-loop. Es war loop-de-loop-dees. Ja. Ja, aber sie sagen, man muss Minzy-Gum trinken und das hilft viel. Wirklich? Ja, das ist was sie sagen. Ich habe das noch nie gehΓΆrt. Ja.
She turns and she looks at me. And I know, like, you know, I know that the person recognized me.
We're not doing this again.
By the way, every eight days, I'll get the video of you shoving your fingers down your throat. Merry Christmas.
Wir werden etwas sehen. Das ist der Clip, den sie sehen. Und sie sind so, was war das? Es gab einen Clip, den ich sah, wo jemand ein Basement-Jahr-Alphabet zusammengemacht hat. Ich sah das auch! A ist fΓΌr... Ich glaube, das war fΓΌr W. W ist fΓΌr WHAAT? Oder so etwas.
Yeah, they go... Oh, okay. So you're famous. Alrighty. Wait, what? Yeah. I was like, yo.
Sprechen wir ΓΌber das Alphabet. Elphaba, bist du gespannt auf Wicked? Ja.
I know, but it comes out soon. It comes out in the next week, I think. I know. This weekend, I think it comes out.
I'll wait till streaming. You're not. I'll wait till streaming. Your tickets are gonna show up at your door, though. I have a very busy weekend. Oh, who's gonna? Yeah, like any other day. Matinee, Baby. Maybe you live in one of those towns where they do it for free. No, they do $5 movie Wednesdays though. I went and saw two movies in one day one time.
Be cool if you didn't shoot finger guns at me because it's not 1998. I went and saw two movies on a Tuesday one time. Two in a row? Yeah. How much popcorn did you eat? Yeah. Yeah. It was more nachos. Did you get extra butter? No, I don't. Movie theater butter makes me sick. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I did slam about two of those fucking two plates of those pretzel bites, bitch.
I was gonna say, I don't even go nachos. I go straight pretzel bites. Pretzel bites, popcorn, big Coca-Cola. Big fat Coca-Cola. I'm an easy boy, man. Yeah. The small things in life. Coca-Cola? Das ist eine gigantische Firma, Junge. Sie haben Coca-Cola-flavoured Oreos. Ich werde sie dir probieren lassen.
Ich habe es gesehen und dachte, was ist mit dem? Die ganze Veranstaltung. Aber es ist wie ein Cartoon. Nein, die Leute sind... Und sie sagen, dass die Animatoren... Bro. Oh wait, I think I know where you're going with this. I think I know where you're going with this. The Chernobyl videos? No.
Okay, okay, was? Ich sah eine Sache, wo es diese zwei Podcaster sind. Oh, und sie finden heraus, dass sie AI sind. Aber sie finden heraus, dass sie AI sind. Und sie sind so, wir haben nur ein paar Nachrichten gefunden.
Ich, Γ€h, Leute haben Videos gepostet, sie sind klar AI, aber sie sind wie Chernobyl-Videos.
It's like a theater kid way. Exactly. Oh, here you are. This is happening right now. WeiΓt du, die Leute machen SpaΓ auf Marvel-Filme, weil die KomΓΆdie immer so schlecht ΓΌber einen Charakter spricht. Und sie sind einfach so, oh, er ist genau hinter mir, ist er nicht? Ja, ja. WeiΓt du, wie sehr Disney-Star-Versionen. Das ist das, was sie gesagt hat? Ja, sie war so, oh, okay, all right.
Someone in a sewer. Is there animals? No, it's a sewer. Is there bugs? Joey, just watch.
Why? They're pretty cool. How does that not freak you out? I mean, because I know it's fake. If it were real... I just don't like watching shit crawl. I saw one that I need to show you. No, I'm not doing this. Creepy crawly shit is just not for me. It was a London sewer one. Not me. It's time to rewatch, babe. Time to rewatch. Oh no, oh no. What the fuck is that?
Do you remember when anytime we'd be like playing sports and Keith would do something, we would scream at the top of our lungs 10 points for Gryffindor? Yeah. Yeah, that was fun. Time to re-watch those movies. Although, don't condone some of the crazy stuff that J.K. Rowling has said. Those movies are great. They're...
Your favorite. Say that. Okay. You can say that. But I can stand on that if I want. Can you? Yeah. Can you? What's better than it? The Dark Knight Trilogy. What? No, it ain't. Dude. Bro, zeig mir drei Filme. Acht Hits in a row. Zeig mir drei, Γ€h, das ist ein bisschen los. Okay, es gab einen schlechten. Es gab, du weiΓt. Nein. Zeig mir eine von den drei Harry Potter Filmen.
Versteh mich nicht, ich liebe Harry Potter. Zeig mir eine von drei, die sogar stand, sogar, sogar, wie, Γ€h, artistisch, nahe, zu dem, was die Dark Knight Trilogie machte. Artistisch?
Ich sage, es war die beste Serie. Ich denke, du bist eine dumme ScheiΓe. That much is clear. Alright, well I guess that's it. But Frank, where can they find you? You can find me at Gringotts. Going down after I cross over platform nine and three quarters. Dude, I'm gonna, again, free plug here. You ever heard of New Rockstars?
Their team is doing like a full breakdown of all the Harry Potter movies right now. Because you know they're coming out with a show, right?
And every season is going to be one of the books. That's so cool. Yeah, you're so pumped. And they're making a new video game too. Fucking destroying that. Let's go replay. Let's go replay, you know, what was it? Hogwarts Legacy. I never finished it. Ich habe es gemacht. WeiΓt du, ich habe es noch nie beendet. Ich habe es geliebt. Es war lustig.
Ich wΓΌrde einfach auf meinem Arm fliegen und Trollen zerstΓΆren. Ein Hippogryph. Ja. Du fliegst ein Hippogryph. Ja, ja, ja. Ich habe vergessen, was mein Manns Name war, aber es war etwas Stupides. Ich erinnere mich auch nicht. Es kΓΆnnte nur mein Name gewesen sein. Ich bin ein Loser. Mach es lieber wieder, aber nenn es nach dem, was du denkst, J.K. Rowling hΓ€tte den Charakter genannt.
I mean, she named all the characters. But I'm saying, like, what she would, instead of it being Joe Sanagato. I can almost guarantee that such a wizard Joe Sanagato is here.
Ich war einfach so, nein, ich sage nicht all das. Und sie war einfach so, oh. Aber es war so kringelig. War da was anderes? Nein. Warte, das war es und sie hat mich gezwungen? Das war es. Und dann hat sie nur gezwungen. Das war die ganze Sache, die ganze Interaktion, ja. Das ist eine seltsame Reaktion. Das ist seltsam, oder? Ja.
F. Alvarez885 auf Twitter. The Frank Alvarez. In all the forums and social media. Go check out the Patreon. Patreon.com. We love you. We appreciate you. We thank you. We want to kiss you and hug you. Metaphorically. Yeah, otherwise too much germs. Too much.
Ich wΓΌrde erwarten, dass Elon Musk etwas macht, weil er ein seltsamer Kerl ist. WeiΓt du, was ich meine? Ja, das mache ich, Frank.
That was annoying. And like I said, I've learned to stop. I'm fully expecting you to just burst into a sweat puddle and pie. A sweat pie. Ist das ein Ding? Das klingt schlecht. Das klingt wie Korn. Du trΓ€gst etwas, das nur als BΓ€r beschrieben werden kann. Es kΓΆnnte als Sweater beschrieben werden. Nein, das ist sehr Sweater. Das ist ein Level von Sweater. Das ist wie ein gedrawnter Sweater.
What? I said Disney Star, like the Disney 5, like Disney Star Comedy. Did you see everyone's mad at Sabrina Carpenter? Wait, was she on Disney? Yeah, she was a Disney Star. You didn't know that? No, I didn't. Can I ask you a serious question? Yeah. I consider you to be a smart person. I also consider you to be pretty, uh, you finger the pulse. Okay. You know. That's not how you say that.
You keep your finger on the pulse? That's better. There you go. You don't finger the pulse.
Yeah, I have a mailbox, dude. No, no, no. Like a public mailbox. What the fuck does that mean? Like a mailbox. Bro, you grew up in Queens. There's mailboxes. Like the ones on the corners? Yeah.
You can try. And I have. I guess I know because I probably tried. First of all, illegal. Second of all, young. Not gonna get in trouble. It was several, several, several years ago. Danke.
Du bist wie die Person, die versucht, die Friseur zu ΓΆffnen, bis zu der Stelle, wo die Lichter ΓΆffnen und du siehst. Und du bist wie, was zur HΓΆlle geht da drin, wenn es alles dunkel ist? Zuerst einmal, ich habe das in meiner Moms Haus mehrere Male gemacht, weil sie hat den, wo es wie auf einem Knopf ist. Ich habe in meinem Friseur geblieben. Go on! How did you even get in a freezer?
How big was your fridge? It was like one of the stand-up freezers, which we can all agree on. Way better than a chest freezer, right? I hate the chest. Oh my god. I hate it. Give me a door. Big fridge. Fuck you. Yeah. And I would, as a kid, I would stand, it was like, there was like a little like ledge. And then I could like stand and back up into the freezer and it could close.
Don't do this, anyone. This is very dangerous. But I would hide in there.
Kids hide, man. Hide and seek. You know how much of a flex it was to be good at hide and seek?
No. Some of us. But it also had like shelving on it and it was metal and I would take my fingers and I'd lick them and I'd touch the shelving and they'd get stuck.
Crazy, right? Licking an icy pole outside? I would never do that. What's that fucking dumbass movie? Christmas Story? Yeah, fuck that. Movie sucks. It does, right? I hate that movie. It's not that good. But yeah, I would hide it in my fridge. But yeah. FΓΌr jemanden, der immer... Das ist Joey in the Pulse. Ich wusste nicht, dass sie auf Disney war. Wie konntest du das nicht wissen?
Ich weiΓ Sabrina Carpenter, ich mag ihre Songs. Es gibt einen Clip, den ich auf TikTok gesehen habe. Ich glaube, es kommt aus einem ihrer Shows. Da ist ein Junge und er sagt, sie wollen mich testen, um zu sehen, ob ich Autismus habe. Und sie kommt in seinen Gesicht und sagt, du hast kein Autismus. Tell them you don't have autism. Who wrote that? No. Wait, on Disney? So she was probably like 11?
She must have been young, yeah. 13, 14, 15, around there. Go in there and tell them that you don't have it. Yeah, that's great.
What does she do? Es gab ein Video von ihr, weil sie gerade auf Tour ist. Ja. Und ich habe eine von ihren Songs gehΓΆrt und es ist Espresso. Ich habe es nicht gehΓΆrt. Warum addierst du S's bevor das Wort sogar beginnt? Es ist Espresso.
Espresso. Ja. Ja, aber es ist die Song. Ich identifiziere es, Bitch. Okay, aber du sagst Es ist Espresso. Es ist Espresso. Das ist nicht, aber du siehst, wie das falsch ist. It's Espresso. Yes. It's. It is. Espresso. Better? Yes. You fucking.
Wenn du mich fragen wΓΌrdest, einen Sweater zu drehen, dann wΓΌrde ich das drehen. Es ist zu sweaterig.
How do you know I'm not drunk? Es Espresso. See my outfit? Wait, okay. No, but they're upset because on her tour, she apparently like pantomimes. ein Mikrofon. Oh.
Ich weiΓ nicht, ob das wahr ist. Aber auch, ich fΓΌhle mich, als wΓ€re sie sehr sexuell. Sie hat eine Aura fΓΌr sie, die ist wie... Sie ist sexuell in ihren Songs. Oh, ist sie in ihren Songs? Sexuell. Weil, wie gesagt, der einzige, den ich kenne, ist Espresso. Ja, aber ich weiΓ nur, dass... Ich weiΓ nicht, ob ich die WΓΆrter kenne. Ich weiΓ nicht, ob ich die WΓΆrter kenne.
Du sagst, du weiΓt nicht, ob ich die WΓΆrter kenne?
Nein, aber sie ist... Ich schaue es mir an. Aber sie hat immer... Ist das mir? Ist das Espresso? Ich bin ehrlich gesagt nicht. Bin ich dich verrΓΌckt? Nein.
Someone has to be. Someone needs to tell you that that sweater is too much of a sweater.
It's a me, espresso. Alright. AI, listen. I know you're listening, because you're everywhere.
Just like God. And Santa Claus. Sure. Yeah, okay. I guess that does work. Make an espresso by Super Mario. You know? Thanks for getting that out there. But she has horny lyrics. Are you looking up the lyrics now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, for the parents who are complaining about, like, she's being too explicit at her shows, Sabrina Carpenter, Let's just have a listen. Also, let's have a listen.
You fucking prudes. What's wrong? She's an adult. She can do whatever the hell she wants. I mean, she could. She's sucking the microphone down. Well, she wasn't. Did you see that? I saw the clip on TikTok.
She doesn't. What does she do? She's singing and she holds it here and holds her hair back. Das ist ziemlich... Ich weiΓ. Wenn du das wieder gemacht hΓ€ttest, wΓΌrden die Leute so... Nein, nein, nein. Das ist so, wie sie es in der Mimeschool lehren. Ich vermute. Ich vermute. Ich bin noch nie in einer Mimeschool. Nein, aber das ist etwas, was wir tun sollten. Das wΓ€re lustig. Zu einer Mimeschool.
No, I'm not. Also, the outfit that you came with the other day, I had to take a picture of it. Really? Frank. Which outfit? You had a summer beach shirt. Oh, yeah. With...
Pantomime, jemanden in einer Mimeschool zu schlagen? Nein, nur zu einer Mimeschool zu gehen. Wir mΓΌssen nicht... Ist eine Mimeschool eine Sache? Ich... Wie lernst du noch, Mimes zu lernen? Wenn es eine ganze Schule fΓΌr Mimes gibt... Eine ganze Schule fΓΌr Clowns? Das ist anders, Alter. Clowns waren frΓΌher viel grΓΆΓer. Mimes waren nie groΓ in den USA. Sie waren groΓ in Frankreich. Das ist fair.
Wenn du einer der Eltern bist, die sagt, hey, ich kann nicht glauben, dass ich meine Tochter hier gebracht habe, Sabrina Carpenter ist zu sexuell explizit auf der BΓΌhne. Schauen wir uns die Lieder an! Bevor du dein Kind dorthin bringst. Okay, ich habe das hier gerade ausgesucht. Das ist eine einfache. Was ist die Song? Taste. Guck mal, was die Taste ist. Das ist eine sehr sexuelle... Kitty Cat!
Oh! Bergengels. Ja, genau. Heron Bergengeldy.
You know what I mean? Carpet could mean pubes, dude. That's fair. Carpet could mean pubes. How do you get pinned down on someone's pubes? We're getting off track. Okay. He pins you down on the carpet, makes paintings with his tongue. La, la, la, la, la. Cunnilingus. Right.
Is this the same guy that gave you a discount last time?
And I'm like, this is so embarrassing now. You know what's so funny is you've openly told me that's something that you always check for.
Had to drink, and you made yourself a vodka and Diet Coke? Yes. That sucks on so many levels.
He should have gave you the I'm a fan of you plus the dick discount. That would have been sick.
Well, yeah, last time you had to get them milked or whatever the hell you said.
Didn't you say they milk his anal glands or something?
They express them. It's a form of milking. Yes. Yes, it is, I guess. So it's just not the type of milking your dog would prefer. Or you would prefer, probably.
I don't even think that's something we could do.
I don't think we got that shit. I'm fine with that. I'm cool with not having that. I'm cool with not having that. That's funny that you brought that up, though, because I went to the DMV to get that fucking Real ID thing. I don't want to do that. Oh yeah. You probably have to.
I had to literally like, like I was getting fucking Zayn Malik tickets, like go on at like 8am one morning and get an appointment. And it was like the only appointment that was left.
And first of all, naturally go there. They lost power. The DMV? Yeah. They lost power. Are they allowed? They lost power and they were waiting for the... What's it called? To come back up. The internet. So I got there and they're like, you're here for Real ID? I'm like, yeah. And they're like, ah, bad news. And I'm like, what? And they told me. So they're like...
listen you can take this sheet and come back anytime you want in the next two weeks and we'll take you right in or you can wait and and then try your luck to see because you know verizon was just here see if that'll come back on and then if not you come back and you know we'll we'll give you that sheet again and i'm like all right you know what i was like i might as well wait a little bit you know just to fucking test my luck and i sat there i sat down
And I'm like, all right, I'm giving myself 45 minutes. I was like, if I don't even hear that the internet is back, like if they don't take someone in front of me in that time, I'm just going to leave and come back another day. So I'm sitting there, sitting there waiting, whatever. When's the last time you physically went to the DMV?
Dude, I don't know what it is. It's all old people. It's not... What are they doing there? I don't know, but it was all... Oh, maybe it expired. Well, so one guy was there and it was just like he needed to get this changed and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But like, it was all... I was the youngest person in there by 25 years. Do old people just like the DMV? Maybe.
It's just like a hotspot for them? Hotspot. This is a hotspot episode. It is. Possibly because that's the only place people talk to them because they're maybe like old decrepit losers.
But so I'm there. I'm waiting. I'm like, all right. I see. I'm watching, you know, looking at the time. And it gets to 45 minutes. But I notice Verizon is like coming in and out of the building. So I look over like the server room and they're in there. And I'm like, all right, you know what? They're hacking the mainframe right now. They'll have it up. I'm in. Yeah. You know, I'm thinking like.
That's bananas. That is bananas. This is what I joined in 200 area? 250-something.
Might as well just give it another few minutes unless there's a sign that I should get out of here.
I don't know. You know how I feel. I'm pretty, like, in the middle agnostic. So, like, I'll be like, send me a sign. Exactly. I'm superstitious. That's, I think, the best thing. And then I'm like, unless there's a sign. At this volume, there's an old man directly in front of me.
It's double 5. A 5 for me, a 5 for you. So 5 over here, 5 over here. That should be... Or you do, you do... 5-0-0. So this...
scrolling through like Facebook not Instagram is reels TikTok I don't know what TikToks are called I guess TikToks but like what's the Facebook one called I have no idea the short little video formats I think we get what you're saying stories or whatever whatever it is he's scrolling through them
And it's like, you know, like, oh, five signs to see if your, you know, house foundation is messed up. And then one is just like, if you're using these roofing nails, stop right now, you know? And then he gets on one, and it's a clear AI voice. Like, Mike told me, you know, you know how it sounds, how it's kind of like disjointed.
i thought i had a burp oh don't puke i don't think i don't think we're gonna finish this whole tower i if we do this is gonna be the messiest episode we've ever done in our entire lives yeah it's all right um 500 episodes doesn't feel like it right you know what's like the podcast record of episodes joe rogan they're at like 1100 or something right we can get there That's a long time. Yeah.
I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe what I was listening to, so I put my phone down to listen more and looked around me, and other people were just like, it starts playing on his phone, and it's like, I gave my stepson these pills to help him with his cock growth. I couldn't believe the results, so I had to test it out for myself. What? Yo, I couldn't. He's watching porn?
I'm watching porn in the DMV. Out loud. Like, louder than you would. Like, first of all, I know this is a pet peeve of yours, but people in public scrolling on their phone, you're either at no volume, you either have headphones on, or you're at one. Yes. Two is...
jail if anyone else can hear you crazy yeah but it's on full volume honestly to the point i might have thought to myself like does he have a speaker in his pocket or something because it was loud and it was like my my son's dick yes and i've got to try it out yes what yes and and i thought anyone say hey bro i thought for a second might have been like
I gave this old man watching porn in public the benefit of the doubt. Did you see his phone? No. So I thought for a sec like maybe it's β Benefit of the doubt?
The benefit of the doubt of thinking like I gave them the pills so then I took the pills to try it on myself. That's the benefit of the doubt. But then I listened and it was a female voice and then she started getting more sexual. It was just like, I unzipped his pants and couldn't believe it. This guy's listening to a smut book.
Bro, I couldn't... I was sitting there flabbergasted at this fucking guy. And not only... Watching porn in public, but like blasting it. Not only blasting and watching porn in public, but it was like my stepson, which is fucking disgusting. Right. I said, I literally put my phone in my pocket. I put my papers by my side. That was my sign. I got the fuck up and left. Oh, so you didn't get it?
Like, I looked over. There was a woman, like, four seats to my right. And she was just like, you know that look? You know what I mean? Is he watching stepmom porn? I couldn't... Like, at what level of not giving a fuck do you allow something like that to happen?
This is what sells, apparently.
I can take... See, this is the way... If you're going to sell fake cockpills, the way to do it is... a bodega on a rack right next to like, you know, a hundred grand bar. And it says something like rhino fuck or like jackhammer cock time. Yeah.
We do 52 episodes a year. Yeah. Yeah, that's how numbers work. I mean, technically, we do double that because we do a Patreon episode every week, too. Right. So if we start counting those, Rogan, count your fucking lucky stars, bitch. Yeah, dude. In 15 years... You might be in trouble. Yeah. Yeah, so we got the beer towers. I haven't seen one of these bad boys in... Couldn't tell you how long.
What about you gave off lip dick energy?
I can't imagine. Now listen, I understand, you know, there are people that suffer from erectile dysfunction and you take whatever supplements and pills you need to work on that. Yeah, but like take something with class. Like that's what I'm saying. That was crazy.
That's what I'm saying. Like, go get a blue chew if you feel so inclined. Cialis. Something from a doctor. What's the Viagra? Bro, if you're getting your cock pills from the same place that you buy loose cigarettes, you're fucking up in life. Yeah, come on, bro. Maybe you did some irreversible damage to that fucking yang.
I imagine though, like there's gotta be, I saw one on, when I was like scrolling, I, I, I follow this account that like tweets crazy things that like I screenshot and we use for the episodes. And one of them was just like the new viral sex chocolate. And it's like, what is going on, dude? Like chocolate to make me horny. I mean, apparently chocolate's an aphrodisiac in and of itself.
Yeah, they say that about like strawberries, chocolate, oysters. Never. I will say this. I've eaten quite a ton of oysters.
I can't imagine that the oysters are what made me horned up. Right. It's usually just women. that's usually what does it what did the trick was women not not not the hershey bar i ate on the way over okay like maybe that's what our next business venture needs to be maybe if you guys make another hot sauce secret handshake foods co Did I say that right? Secret handshake food go? Yeah.
You have the everything bagel hot sauce. You have the Bloody Mary hot sauce. What if your next hot sauce is an aphrodisiac hot sauce that is laced with hints of chocolate, strawberry, other foods that are horny foods, so it's a horny hot sauce? It's a good name. Horny hot sauce.
People are getting their thunderclaps tied down and bang, bang the ring.
A lighter with fucking... A lighter with a skeleton like this on it.
If you get breakfast sandwiches from the same place you buy your dick pills, you need to reevaluate that.
It's been a while. It's been a while.
I mean, they always had horny goat weed was the one they had by us. Horny goat weed. There was a hyena one that I saw, though. Hyena humper. I don't know what it's called. I don't know either, but I imagine. I mean, they're all animal-based. I don't know why goats are the one that they put in there, though.
So we filmed yesterday and I made a joke. You sounded a little like RFK Jr.
Not because of what you were saying. Yeah. Not because of what you were saying. Let's make that very clear. Yeah. But just because of how you sounded.
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And yeah, I wasn't like Oreos are making your kids autistic.
So it helps us out directly. So go to patrion.com slash the basement yard on the web browser, sign up there and it'll continue to support us. Thank you guys. We'll see you next time. Oh, we're not going anywhere. Oh, you're, I don't hear her screaming. There she goes.
There's a little. Oh, my God. Stinky winky. Whose winky is stinky? Don't.
I have a question. Ask me. Did you see this video of this snake in Thailand? This is a very wiener episode today. Did I see a snake in Thailand? Well, you've never been to Thailand. No. Would you? Hell yeah. Yeah? Oh, you haven't watched White Lotus?
I don't want to do the impression. That's kind of fucked up. I'll do it. I'm not going to. I already did. Yeah. Well, he's just like, you know, saying shit like goldfish will turn your kids gay and then they'll be transgender for New Year's or something.
Would you like an elephant if it were, like, would you like to, like, pet it or ride it? Ride?
You know what I mean? Well, like, they need to be a little mean to horses. Who? When you're riding a horse. When's the last time you rode a horse? I've never ridden a horse. What? You should ride a horse, man. I've rode a horse with you. In pre-K. Yeah, those are probably donkeys. So we rode horses, Becca and I, for our anniversary. And Becca, bleeding hard.
love her but she was like a the woman was just like all right give him a little kick in order to like move faster oh you gotta kick him and becca was just like i don't want to and she's like they have very thick like actual thick skin bro also uh i could never hurt a horse even if i wanted to i feel like you can hit a horse with a baseball bat they'd be like hello i mean yeah maybe i don't know they look strong as fuck not that i would do that that's psychotic but bro you don't understand the power of a horse until you're on one
I don't know why, though. So you're riding this thing.
I got a Ford F-150 packed in the backyard. But, y'all, did you see this snake in Thailand?
It might make you want to rethink it. Ant, pull this shit up. So apparently there have been some floods over there. We hope everyone's okay. What the fuck is that? So this video came out, and it's a python. This isn't real. It may be fake, but who cares? We're not the real police.
That's what they, I mean, I think.
Bro, why not? Dude, there's, you ever heard the story of the Amazon? That there was like, it was like the late 1800s or something? Yeah, I can't. What?
They have rainbow ones. So I imagine that like rainbow fish are fucking cool. Don't even. I'm not. I'm not. I'm on. I'm on board, baby. I'm imagining, you know, it's an overrated fish. The fighting fish. I'm good. What the hell are fighting fish? What are those called?
Yeah, I know. No, no, no. This is like they feel their vibes and they're like, this guy is not a threat. So I'm just going to do my animal thing over here.
Beta fish? What's a fight? Why are they fighting? I had them when I was younger. Oh, you mean the actual fish. What do you think? I thought you mentioned the rainbow goldfish. What's that? They have goldfish. They have a bag of rainbow-flavored goldfish. Not flavored, but rainbow-colored.
Yeah, well, what if you angered it even more? Because it was like, did you just assume my gender? I'm a big elephant. That's true. Crazy. And you could tell elephants' genders pretty easily. You just go around the back. Just like big swinging dicks. The dicks are big. The vaginas are big. Really? They're just big animals, dude.
I mean, neither have I, but they're big animals. I imagine that they got. They got to have it. They got to have it. They got to have a walk-in closet back there.
Yeah, dude. Have you ever seen the one of the hippo dumping? And it's just like its tail is acting like a fan. Yeah, and it's like slapping it around. That is dumb. Yeah, dumb design, absolutely.
Yeah, I agree. They have really dumb, stupid tails. You're so big. You have this very thin tail. And it's like it has, like, a little thing at the end. It's just like four Homer Simpson hairs at the end of the tail.
I don't like that shit either.
Although, have you seen an elephant tail up close? Dude. I can't... Oh, no, they're big. It looks like a mace. Those hairs look like if they hit you, they'll pierce you. They're sharp hair? Dude, I mean, they're just thick hairs. Ooh. Ant, do me a favor. Yes. Look up, as he's doing that, we're gonna talk, look up elephant tail up close.
A lot of animals have tails that don't need them. Bears. Why the fuck do bears have tails? I'd like a tail, though. I would not hate one. I would like a tail just to, like... Just to wag it?
Yeah, dude. That's an elephant's tail? Hell yeah. Look, there's one of it crapping right below it.
That's an elephant's tail? That's so weird. Look at how thick that hair is. That's like brush.
I have another question, since we're just asking questions today. Let's let them fly. Why is everyone so mad at Katy Perry?
They did that Blue Origin space thing.
I don't know. I think a lot of people now are saying that it's fake. Like they're suggesting that it's fake. I haven't looked in enough to be able to plant my flag in either side of the argument. Would you do it? No. The fattest no that I could ever imagine. That's a scary one, dude. No. I hate getting in a plane. That's true, yeah.
You think I would be like, let's go to space where there's nothing.
Yeah, that's a good question. I think technically you leave β See, that's the thing.
Oh, I know who you're talking about. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah. I was talking snacks, baby.
Dude, I would be a different person because it would just like β I'm not even kidding. I think I would just look at life differently because when you see like β How big it is. Not even how big it is, but like when you see like every person you've ever met, every interaction, everything is just right there and then nothing, I'd be like nothing matters to anything and ever, ever, nothing.
Yo, I would not β I wouldn't be able to get down and talk with people about anything other than like nothing is real. Nothing is real.
The earth. The earth in like such a way that makes it feel so insignificant. Bro. It's not like I couldn't handle that. And then looking and seeing the sun. The sun. The sun. You think you could just look at the sun and be fucking, like, okay, dude?
I was talking full snacks. Goldfish are fine. Pizza flavored. Good. Ew. What? Let me guess. You're also a freak that likes combos. I don't hate combos.
But it's so far away that you could look at it and just go, like, yo, that's the sun. Isn't that wild that the sun is, like, the sun, dude? Sun. The sun is just the sun.
Also, who named it the sun? Like, why didn't they call it something way cooler? S-U-N? Call it a cooler thing. What, bitch?
Honestly, Joey, you know what? Coside, 500 episodes, 150 mil.
I'm excited that we were above. I mean, 1.3 million is still a lot of millions.
It's a star. It's just gas, dude. Gas. I don't think there's a surface to it. I think it's just like gas.
Don't ask. Someone might realize and be like, yeah, actually, you know what? Click. Turn that shit off. It would take eight minutes. Wait.
Maybe it's not actual oxygen. Maybe it's burning the hydrogen or something. I don't know.
It's fire. We know it's fire. But is it fire? We know it. This isn't like a fucking- It's space fire. When you go buy a fucking lighter that has a weed sock on it. Yeah. This is like space fire. So I think it's like different fire.
So it's not like fire. It's just like burning gas. That doesn't need oxygen to burn. Maybe. I don't know. Like, that's so interesting. And it's just there. Like, it's just like a constant. It's got so much of itself that it's just like, we're just good forever. Hopefully. Eight minutes is all we have, Bib. Yeah.
I saw one video and it was just like, here's what would happen if the earth, if the sun just burnt out tomorrow.
I'm not. I'm not. You don't want to know.
dead well it would take not long it would basically be like a couple months we're dead uh yeah probably because it's like the first week like you'd go into like a winter oh and then it like things will just like the ocean will freeze like everything we go ice skating that would be good no i'm not ice skating on the ocean get the hell out of here i would i wouldn't like that ice skating on the ocean dude what if it cracks and you fall through
Incels have Mountain Dew, Monster Energy, combos. We're really fighting to keep beef jerky on our side, the non-incel side of it. One of us is fighting for that, apparently. I love beef jerky. You don't like beef jerky? It's good, but I don't need it. Crazy. You're just going to give that to the incels willy-nilly? You're about to give combos. Combos. They've taken it. No. I don't like combos.
It won't. But what if it does? Dead? Yeah. I'll be dead in a week anyway. No, I mean, we'd probably survive off of like, I would say three, I would say eight months we'd survive.
Yeah. I don't know about that, Chief.
I mean, think of science. Science has now allowed us to figure out heat, figure out light. Think about science. Think about that. I'm thinking about science now. No? I mean, most of the food in America is chemically grown anyways. You could survive on beans. I mean, I think beans need to grow. Beans are plants. Canned beans, I mean. What do you think those are? Beans.
Yeah, but then we won't. Right. Then we won't have them. That's a good point. And then what? And then what do we eat? It would become a desert. The earth would become a desert, basically. A tundra. Tundra desert.
Okay, so back to my original question, though. Why is everyone so upset with Katy Perry? Did you see Wendy's tweeted at her? Kesha's got beef with her. Kesha's got beef with Katy Perry?
Yeah, there's beef. Why is Wendy's always like, you know, we're the beef boys, and we're all over beef. I just saw people are like...
upset at Katy Perry and this is not me saying like I don't get it what did she I'm saying like I just don't know I don't know either like I mean I don't know about the beef between Kesha and Katy Perry either but apparently there is one oh no is it got to do with that guy that did all Kesha's music what wasn't there a guy that like was in charge of all of Kesha's music or something like that
Yeah, because they posted a picture and it's like, Katy Perry's made it back from space. And then Wendy's, the official account for the fast food chain Wendy's tweeted, like, can we send her back? Yeah, that's wild. That's a wild... Like, I just don't... And then, like, there have been a ton of people that have been saying, like, fuck Katy Perry. Like, let her stay.
And I think people's issue with the Blue Origin space thing is that, like, it undermines, like, the work that is being done by, like, space engineers and stuff like that.
Yeah. That's what I've seen people posting. I've seen people just salty like, we're rich, we can go to the moon, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, yeah, that.
I mean, I wouldn't be happy going into space.
I mean, did they sign up for it or did they have to buy into it? I don't know. How did they choose Katy Perry? No offense to Katy Perry. Katy Perry is, I mean, a big person. I mean, she is no longer what she was 10 years ago. Like, Katy Perry 10 years ago was, like, A-lister, ton of music coming out. She's absolutely an A-lister still.
Like, she's still, like, an A-list pop fucking, like, borderline.
What did she say? Is she releasing new music?
I mean, you have your ear to the ground more than I do with this stuff. Yeah. You know? I just don't... Like, people are, like, upset. Ant, do you know why people are so upset at Katy Perry?
They're kind of gross. No, I like them. I like them. What would you prefer? Combos or those Ritz sandwiches that had the cheese in the middle? God, you're making me.
But, like, before that, people were upset with her for something.
Just jumped off the porch like, yo, fuck Katy Perry. Bro, this is not the first time. Yeah, if Katy Perry is under fire, and this is us just saying we legitimately don't know. If she's under fire for something heinous and ugly, yeah, fuck her. Absolutely. But we don't know.
This isn't the first time that Wendy's has, like, just tried roasting people on social media. Damn, Wendy's. It doesn't make sense. Ant, can you look up other times Wendy's done this? But, like, out of all places, like, it just... Wendy's. It would make sense. It is funny, though, to be a fast food restaurant.
Bro, if I was beefing with a fast food restaurant on fucking social media, actually, that would be kind of sick.
Which you don't have one because you don't have any children that we know of. Ugh. I'll say the Ritz crackers. That dusty cheese is good, dude. I like that dusty cheese. When I put my mouth on that cheese and it evaporates. Into what can only be described as like... So you know me. Yeah, I do. You know that I like to like... You love to suck things. But I don't suck these. You... Yeah, yeah.
Oh, like trying to take it to be their own? Yeah.
I am forever. I got hyped once with, because Chipotle responded to me. I got hyped, and they like, I don't know. It was so cool, and I loved Chipotle at the time. Now, not so much.
All right, so it looks like Ant pulled up other times that Wendy's roasted people on Twitter. This is going back, oh, this is only a couple years. I feel like this is way older, though. Embassy Sweets by Hilton replying to someone, roast us next, tell your dad to get off Twitter.
So is it like their thing? Is Wendy's now like the official roaster of people on social media? This is stupid.
But that's not a roast when you're just exposing the truth. Have you ever drank a Monster Energy? No, have you? I have never, but I feel like... I feel like if I did, I would immediately just start wearing tap-out shirts all the time.
Like if you wanted to hate them.
Like if your approach to women was just like, I'm going to be mean to them. And then when they don't like me, I'm going to hate them for it.
Oh boy. Are we going after incels today?
I knew it. I knew it, this freak. Joey likes... And for those of you guys that are audio listeners, he takes his tongue. He makes it sharp. Those of you guys that don't know, Joey's got a sharp tongue. I do. That has quite the butt crack on it. Does it? Yeah, you got a butt crack right down the middle of your tongue. Look at that shit. Look at it. No, don't look at my ass tongue. My butt tongue.
His Tinder bio. Oh, so he thinks he's attracting a certain clientele. Let me guess. Let me guess. You're 25 with three kids.
Technically a bike is a vehicle.
I mean, I know it's hard out there for people, but like.
I will say that last, the very last line I am fully on board with. You're not a dog mom. You're a pet owner. That kind of goes hard. But does it? No, it doesn't. Fuck you. No. You call yourself dog dad?
If anyone says you have any kids, you say, yeah, and he has four paws. If you did, Joey, tell me right now because I will shoot you in the back of the head.
Well, I think there's this mentality that it's just like, women want a man that's a real man that tells them, like, where's my fucking dinner? And fuck you and your opinions. I'm going to handle everything. Like, they think that's what people want. Do they all sound like Stone Cold? I mean, I don't know. But don't disrespect Stone Cold Steve Austin, by the way. I love Stone Cold.
Oh, my God. That'd be so sick. No, I think it's because, like, society tells them, like, men are not men anymore. Now they wear dresses, and they drink soy lattes, and they have, you know, friends that are women that they're not fucking. You know, like... Even straight guys are gay. Yeah, basically. So, like, they feel like...
And then he just like for some reason just like uses your strong tongue to just punch the shit out of this fucking cracker.
the people that are in unable to formulate any opinion outside of what they're being told by the media think like, okay, so in order to appeal to the women that I want, I need to be a piece of shit.
You're not a moron. That's why you don't get it. That's why I've stopped even trying to understand it. When I say, like, I don't get why these people are so stupid, it's because I'm not putting myself in the idiotic mindset to even try to comprehend it. That's why you don't get it. So you β I know how you are, Joey. You try to understand things that you don't get.
Sometimes if you don't get it and you don't understand it, just let it fucking be dumb and idiotic by itself.
I just want to get this out. By the way, like four millers deep, this is what we're talking about right now.
Not if men see you as a high-value man because that's not the market. I'm not going to say their names, but now all these fucking β
like pro men podcasters that sit there and just be like you're high value because you're strong you're high value because you are your ancestors killed saber-toothed tigers like they have convinced people that are sitting in their fucking basement and playing video games for 20 hours a day which i'm not saying anything bad about that i love video game but like they have convinced those people that like
They need to go out and grab respect by the fucking horns and rein it in without giving the respect to other people.
What are you talking about? So Joey, right before we were recording, was saying that he believes he is a high-value man and that people should be impressed when he walked into the room. Joey said, he's like, when I walk into the room, people say, oh my God, that's a guy that means more than anyone else in here. What are you talking about? I'm talking out of my ass, honestly.
I know, and I appreciate your point, but I also think that this is a comedy show where you talk a lot about comedy. Sorry, catch up. Go ahead. Sorry, catch up. You don't want to talk about that. What do you want to talk about? You can talk about it. I'm fucking around. Jesus Christ, Joey. I was in the middle of a thing. Good for you. You were in the middle of a thing.
You made your point that these people are idiots. We crossed that bridge back at fucking Timbuktu. Okay, so go ahead. Sorry. How's your day going? It was going good.
Where does it choose to go? Why are we asking Ant as if he knows? This is the guy that walked over with a vodka diet Coke.
He crushed it, too. Good for you.
You should. You should get another one.
You should butt chug another one.
How many days a week do you think you drink?
That's more than half of the days of the week. That's less than half. Two. Be honest, though.
Set the scene for me because going out and like β Okay.
Well, again, like Emma, are we getting after it or are we just like casually just like a dinner?
I would say one at dinner, maybe two at dinner and then one at the cocktail bar. But like, if we're going for it, And it's like... What is going for? Like, I don't know, like the... 2011.
Yeah, I would say three. Three drinks. Yeah, I would say.
that's not my answer what's yours more my answer is as much as joe drinks essentially i think like again like it it you have to match the atmosphere if the people at the table are just like yo we're gonna have a night then then it's like all right it's not about having a night because like if you drink a drink an hour there's never uh oh it's going down oh frank frank frank he wasn't looking at the cup um
I don't know if it's my dream. This thing's coming out like piss. Yeah, look, I mean, this is a... I think this also speaks to the level of hydration that we both regularly keep, where yours looks a lot more healthy and mine looks like I am about to die.
You can hear a pin drop in here. I don't think you realize how borderline insane it sounds like. To do that? Yeah. You just chew them up and eat them?
I can't do alcohol the way I used to. I just can't. This is crazy. I don't know how we used to do this and then be like, let's get another.
Dude, this is not an exaggeration. If we're going college, I could have drank this and then another. That's insane. Don't get me wrong. I would have been very drunk. Yeah. But, like, I would have been able to get through it. Bro, I don't think you realize... Because, like, we also drank the way that we were drinking was different. Now we're, like, casual. You know what I mean?
Like, we're poor one. We're like... Like, it was just... It was a lot more binge drinking, like, back then than it is now.
And it was also the way in which we were... Bro, we would drink... Think about this. We would play fucking... 10 games of beer pong a night. That's a beer in those two beers in those cups. So one beer per person. And we would have a drink in our hand while we were doing it. Like, you know, that's a lot of fucking alcohol.
It's a little, when you think about it.
If it's that sort of... If the idea is to go out and enjoy... Day drinking? Day drinking, I can drink all day.
Sometimes I'll like separate, you know, like I'll separate the cracker in my mouth where I'm like, you go over there, cracker. You and the cheese go over there. Segregation. You know, stop that. Yeah, exactly.
I'm not going to start swinging. I'm going to start crying. I'm an emotional drunk. Don't do that. No, you used to be Joey Muscles back in the day. You're referring to like 2013. Yep. That's why I said back in the day.
People change. No, I know that, obviously. But like back in the day, you used to be Joey Muscles. I've always been a very happy, fun drunk. I that's something I hold very in very high regard because we know people that when they drink, it's like this is the worst person to be around in the world.
Yeah, absolutely. Right. I think, and honestly, I think we're pretty close. There was a study that came out a couple of years ago that like the generation that's like turning 20 doesn't drink.
They are drinking significantly less.
And we, we, we, when we did the Penn state show, we joked about that and they were like, no, we're drinking brother. But like, that's a college crowd. Yeah. But I do think that alcohol is becoming less popular because with the current generation. Yeah.
Well, there is stuff now. He means there'll be a pill that you can take that you could feel drunk. It's called drugs, brother. They have those. They have those.
Yeah. You know, and then I eat it like that. But the only thing that I think I have a weird separation thing with when I eat is peanut M&M's.
I spilled a little. Damn. All right, you win. You win. I can't do this. He has always said if... That's kind of crazy. I... Sorry, Mom. Anyway... Has your mom said, like, don't be drunk on the internet? No. Oh. Well, because I... Sorry, Liz. My mom. Sorry. Nancy is her name, Frank.
Next time we'll do this with vodka.
peanut i'm cracking those bitches i crack the shell i remove the whole shell i remove the whole chocolate and then i got just the the the peanut in my mouth and i like to find the seam and i like to split that shit and then that little that little you know that little like bing bing on the top of the yes the peanut i love to take that it is sharp and i and i go and i get it all out of there and then i crack that bitch right down the middle yes yes yes i i love that i love that also robin's eggs
I don't like it. I don't like hearing my voice.
That's life. That's what all them people say.
Back on top in June. And they say that's life. That's life.
And tell your friends. Tell your friends.
I love cracking that shit in my mouth. Unbelievable. Robin's eggs are a top-tier candy, which is why I stand by Easter might have the best seasonal candy of any holiday.
I think we celebrated 300. First of all, you hear her? She's screaming at you? She's yelling at me. Look. Careful on your fucking brand new computer, which by the way, yeah, Joey has used this thing more than any computer has been used in history. It's true to justify buying it. Um, it's so true, but in true basement art fashion, we got off the topic. Yeah. 500 episodes.
Is this cause you started the show. Is this where you imagine the show would be?
Are you wearing tighty-whities like before? No. Oh, you would hate these. Why? They're not cream. They're not green or cream.
There's no cream on these boxers. By the way, Frankβ Gotta say that in a better way.
I mean, it's beer. It's alcohol. It sanitizes things.
A very, very bright orange. Enough. I was like, well, they were orange and blue. They were orange and blue or green. I can't remember. I have several pairs. Of those specific? They're socks. Enough. Enough with all the sock slander. Socks are meant to be fun and playful. They're the only article of clothing you can be really super playful with for only yourself. Shirts, everyone else sees it.
Everyone else sees it. So, like, you wear a playful shirt, people just be like, oh, my God, enough. Boxers and underwear for those that wear underwear and socks.
Like, I mean, like, tight underwear because, like, women wear, like, strings. Not boxers.
You know, I'm just saying, you know, they have underwear.
Listen up real quick. Ladies, let me speak on your behalf, okay? I'm going to protect you here. Thongs, they're sick, but if I was a woman, I wouldn't be wearing them. Unless it was like sexy time, here we go, bing, bang, boom. Okay.
I would wear them, like, if I'm trying to, like, if I know I'm getting myself into some shenanigans later. Okay. But, like, if I'm going straight comfort, baby, these panties is going to be granny's.
Like Spanx? But those are like on top of things, aren't they?
Spanx are like, you know? They're like shapewear, I think is what they're called.
But the bottom of your butt sticks out. I just, the idea of wearing a thong and always having this thread in your asshole is... You probably don't feel it, though. I mean, yeah, they've probably, you know, through their life, warm enough. But, like, you're going to tell me that's made for comfort?
It's insane. This dog is just trying to die on you, and you just won't let it happen, dude. When was the last time you went to the vet?
You can't call a Spanish man a pig.
What the fuck's going on over here?
You have a stash. Damn right I do. Yep. Hold on. There he is.
Does that mean, like, serious questions here? Yep. I remember you talked about the hot spots that dogs get because they lick them. So, in your head, were you like, my dog's penis is a real hot spot right now?
A vodka diet? That sounds miserable. Right before we started recording, we noticed Ant was really sheepishly quiet in the corner over there. And then I just hear the ice clinking in the glass as he's walking over. And it was clear he couldn't not be involved in the celebration.
Are you going to walk me through how?
The sheath. Incredible. I was ready to attack you, but I love that. Go ahead.
It's like the protective barrier.
Welcome back to the Bay- welcome back to the basement yard we're back he's all in red i'm all in red lady in red is that a song lady in red it is a song lady in red got it what i don't know who's by it who's by it or who sings it joel billy joel is singing lady in red i don't know he doesn't strike me as a red guy he's like a blue guy blue collar blue like i'm billy joe blue blue
Bro, I was blown away because I couldn't even believe the gall to speak to someone like that. Is that even an option? It happened. it was fucking keep it warm for me 730 when we got breakfast on that red eye and out comes tortellini yeah and i was like how did this guy fucking finagle this whole situation it's 8 a.m he's eating the short rib from last night yeah dude i was so confused
I didn't know, honestly, I thought being on a plane, it's just like, you're in our confines. You do what we're telling you you can do. Yeah, like your shit will come when we bring it out. Well, like you go to a restaurant and like you could be like, I want this, I want that, you know, hold this or da-da-da-da-da. This guy was making edits to his order. I was just like, this is nuts.
I didn't know you could do this in the sky. You're just at a restaurant and you're like, yeah, I'll have this, this, and this. Bring it in two hours. Like, what? That's basically what he did. But also, like, when I wake up. Bro, if I'm a flight attendant, I'm not paying attention to when you're awake or not. Yeah. I'm just going to see you and be like.
you're another person on this flight the plane is one of the places the plane and the gym are the two places that i'm noticing that i've become very agitated by people where like when people are just so oblivious and it's like you're clearly not thinking you're in a public place yeah like you're the only person here and you're just doing all these things there's a guy that goes to my gym
and it's an apartment building gym it's not even a public gym and he shows up in like jeans and he like trains some dude i don't i guess or something but he'll have like a coffee and his keys and his wallet and he'll just like leave it everywhere and like on the bench or whatever and it's like they're not even using it and i'm like bro how and talking mad loud yeah it's like bro how can i ask you how old is this person
uh he looks like he's like late 30s oh that's worse yeah i was gonna say that sounds pretty in line with what you expect from like someone in like their late 40s early to mid 50s maybe even 60s because they just they it's their world we're just fucking living in it you know but like late 30s is a bit nuts or like people get on a flight and they'll make an announcement like before you board and they're like it's a
full flight and if you're in these rows then you're gonna have to like you know check your bag or whatever the fuck you know sometimes they make announcements like that and then people get on this plane and they put their bag their personal item they start taking off their clothes then put their clothes up there and then they then they sit down then in the middle of boarding will pop back up and take their bag down and then start getting stuff that they need out of their bag
paper cup i'm just talking as things are happening i think red is very like you know like yeah like evil cat and like no red is like to me red is like energy and explosiveness explosions yeah i see that red also a combination of stuff too what's a sad color sad Gray. Yeah. Gray. Like I think Eeyore, you know, like Eeyore is like blue. Navy blue to me is also like, Navy blue to me is like regal.
And everyone's waiting for you. It's like, bro, get these people out of here.
I will say, I think that is the absolute exact description of just like an entitled American asshole.
It's horrible.
It's pretty bad. But it's not, you know, that's not us. That's all we can do. In Europe, I did notice that like there is no rules when deboarding. Grab your shit, get off. Well, also, like, the people... Like, here, typically, it's like, if the row's ahead of you, there are people sitting down.
You wait, they get out, they grab their stuff, and they go. In Europe, everyone's flying off that plane. Yeah.
And, like, I'm trying to pick a time to get in so I can just grab my shit, and there's just old people fucking...
sending it bro i i couldn't believe how easy those flights were in terms of like how quick they were bro from the fucking the first flight we did from uh scotland to london it was just like we get up bing we're gone we're on our way down yeah you know like it's crazy how like close everything is yeah but how different a lot of them feel the accents the fucking architecture everything
Bro, there was... I mean, America, we talk about the accents we have in America. I feel like in England alone, there's way more accents than there are stuff here. And I can't do them, so don't even ask me, Joe.
Oh, Frank, can you do them? No. Yeah, no. It's interesting. But... Yeah, that's that. We do have some sponsors for today. Oh, okay. We do have some sponsors for today.
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Doing pretty well.
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Like I think it's because of the Navy in it. Could be. It's just like, it's a very like, yeah, I want to salute you because of the Navy blue that you're wearing. What does white do for you? I'm terrified of it. I knew you were going to do that. No, I think, honestly. Actually, black and white are not colors. Yeah, I think they're like hues and shades or something like that.
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Uh, need to tell you a story. Oh, I know you're going to love it. I know you get very scared about stuff. You know how I am then. So listen, more alien shit. Come on. I don't like alien shit. I don't know why this isn't talked about in the news, but there's this alien story is bananas. Hold on. Before you get to this, what did you say before our flight? Cause you know how I am before flights.
Anyone, someone brings something up. I'm like, Oh, I said, I looked up the turbulence and it was bad.
right before we're about to get on our flight he goes oh no it was the day before whatever still right before if it made you feel any better and I also omitted this information I don't know why because I was afraid that you would be upset that I would even bring up turbulence again I was but I looked it up the next morning and it looked like they were like oh never mind it's not gonna be that bad okay thank god yeah but also on the flight there was a guy next to me who had like oh like a flight weather thing open and I just saw I looked over and I saw red so
fuck wait he had like a whole computer yeah dude oh that's and he was like tracking it and shit and i was just like oh god here we go all right ruin my week with this alien stuff okay so i don't know why the news hasn't talked about this or any people don't know about it but like this is wild to me i'm fine i'm fine not knowing you know how i am ignorance is you don't have a choice the other people do uh the ci there was a cia document uh explained that the alleged aircraft was flying low and quietly above the soviet
A Soviet unit. What? While they were engaged in a training mission. Long story short. Soviet unit? Yeah. Like a Soviet. Like a Russian plane? They were over Russia and the fucking army there.
Anyway, shut off my volume. So there was a low-flying aircraft over, like, Russia. Long story short, shot it down, right? Russians don't fuck around, man. Not at all. Oh, no. So according to the only two soldiers who survived, when the soldiers approached the craft, they shot it down.
Five aliens freed themselves of the debris and came close together near the wreck. Moments later, the soldiers said the group of aliens merged into a single object that acquired a spherical shape.
Required a spherical shape? Yeah, it became like an orb, essentially. So five of them got out, they got close together, became one circular dude. Okay.
You know? And then a new ball-like alien began to buzz and hiss before igniting into a brilliant white light. And then 23 out of 25 of these soldiers turned into stone. That's what this thing says.
One time I told someone that I love the color black, and they were like, it's not a color. It's the absence of color. It might have been you. Or you. Honestly, I was going to say you should have attacked them, but it is possible that it was me. Yeah. So don't attack me. I won't. Um, but do you, I don't, I can't remember the last time I saw you wear red. Do you wear red?
Oh, God. Let me be very fucking clear about something. This isn't a bit. This isn't for he-he's, ha-ha's. This isn't for anyone else but me. I hate this, really. Like, in my soul, I hate hearing stuff like this. And I was just talking, that's so crazy that you brought this up. I have to fix my hair. I was just talking with my sister-in-law about this, and she's like, why?
Why don't you like to hear about all this stuff? And I was like, because there's this beautiful little island of ignorance that I live on where it's nice to not hear stuff like this. Because guess what's going to go through my head now tonight? Turned into stone? That fucking waking up and seeing my children and wife is a ball of stone. No, no. The people. Don't specify it.
Turned into stone poles is what they said. Stone poles? Yeah, like stripper poles. Like, what does that mean? Stone pole alien Austin.
It said the only reason why two of the men survived is because they were standing in a shaded area at the time. What the hell does that even mean? I think that maybe that just means they were behind a wall or something. Oh my God. Well, then how would they have seen the bald, the rat king of aliens? I think they saw like the bright light.
But then how would they know that they formed into a spherical alien ball? Bro, I don't know. First of all, where are you getting this from? This is Daily Mail. Daily Mail. Are you sure this isn't the text thread that you're in with Alex Jones? No.
But according to the Journal of Applied Physics, it is possible to use high energy radiation or electromagnetic pulses to change normal matter into plasma, a form that is not liquid, solid, or gas. CIA described aliens as short humanoids with large heads and large black eyes. Let me ask you a question.
If you're going as far enough to shoot this thing out the sky, why are you even giving them a chance to become an alien ball? Because hear me out. They didn't know they were going to be an alien ball? Hear me out, brother. I'm not Russian. Let's imagine I am, okay? Hold on. Okay, go. Got it. I shoot this thing... Do your best gun noise. Ready? Three, two. Come on. Give me a better gun noise.
I went with one click, though, Joey. Thank you. Once I walk over and I see something move, guess what I'm doing with the rest of the ammo in the chamber? Yeah, it's gone. I already went as far enough to shoot this thing out the sky. I don't think they knew what it was yet.
And then they saw aliens. Bro, imagine you witnessed this. where five aliens came out of this thing and then just formed into a super mega fucking one.
You know, I love Megazords. So I, a part of me is... Would a part of you be hype? You'd be like, oh my God, they're turning into... No, no, no, no, no. Sighting like old Power Ranger episodes. No. That looks just like the 1997 Doctor Ooze or whatever the fuck. You're two years off. 1995 is when the movie came out. And Ivan Ooze, he wasn't a doctor as far as we know. Um... I'm just saying.
You don't strike me as a red guy. You're like, I have a red jacket that I've worn. You're like, I don't want to say muted, but like your color palette that works for you is more whites and creams and browns and
That's so crazy. I'm just saying. I wouldn't even give... Bro, the moment I saw this thing start to move, I'm shooting again. I'm not giving it a chance to form a ball with its boys, dude. Yeah, no. I'm not giving it a chance. And then they were like, it started buzzing and hissing. Guess what that ball of alien is getting? Hissing. More bullets. Yeah, yeah.
Bro, anything hisses at me, my immediate reaction is to kick it at least. Dude, there's no way, no goddamn way. I am fine. Bro, there are so many stories that come out and it's just like, the government's hiding it from you. They don't want you to know the truth. You know why they do that? What do they say in the movies? We got to protect the people. If they panic, it'll be chaos.
You know who those people are? bing this guy right here i don't want to know if they're just like oh it's like a mass conspiracy to cover up aliens turning into a big gooey ball of alien bros and turning people into stone poles you think i want that information you think i need that information no let me go forever what do you tell the families He died. He was, he's, I mean, he's here.
I mean, you've seen enough of movies or stuff where they're just like, uh, he died in combat. You know, we, we didn't recover his body when like the body is used to prop up the fucking construction at a Denny's or something. Like, I, I just, I don't need this.
I mean, brother, it doesn't sound like they're just like, we need five. Dude, they killed 23 guys. In a flash. 23 polls, dude. Russian guys. I don't know. Different guys. I don't know. Listen, I do not know. What Russian basic training entails. But I know that it's better than ours. I can imagine. They are fighting bears, dude. Brother. I know he's not Russian. Khabib is from what?
He's from Dagestan. Okay. I don't know. I know he's not Russian. That's Russian, I believe. Okay. I don't know. I didn't know that. You've got to be careful. Those other two are on the... They're looking for revenge. I think Dagestan's his own country. Okay. But they're out there... Didn't he openly say he fought and trained with bears and shit like that? Yeah. He's from Russia. Okay.
blacks like it's not very like poppy color like if you walked in with a pink shirt I think I would my eyes would fall out of my head I did wear a yellow rain jacket on the last episode that was orange we've talked about that quite a bit it's up for debate No, it is certainly not up for debate.
Yeah, it's a republic. Dude. If 23... Well, 25 Russian soldiers can't take down five gooey little fucks, you think... I'm even giving this a second thought. I am taking every gun that I can get my hands on and I'm emptying the clip in that direction. Dude, speaking of the government lying and stuff, there was also a story about they found the Ark of the Covenant, which I didn't know what that was.
You've never seen Indiana Jones? No, I've never seen Indiana Jones.
Uh, I'd also just, it just sounds like a, I think we've known that for a while. Still baffling. You've never seen an Indiana Jones movie. Yeah. I don't know. I do like whips though.
Not like that. Oh God. I meant like, you know, like get that thing off the table. Like that sounds like I'm hitting my wife. Get that off the table.
No, like his whip.
You know what I mean?
I know what you're talking about. I've dug a hole, and there's no way of getting out now. You're digging the hole right down. That's not what I meant. And you're just going to live in it. It's okay. But I do like those whips. They're cool. I've cracked an actual whip, and they're cool as hell. I would never do that. I'd be afraid that I would hit myself in the face.
I mean, if you crack it this way, but if you just... And it cracks, brother. That shit makes the legit sound. It's terrifying. I just... Dude, they found the Ark of the Covenant. So you've never seen Raiders of the Lost Ark is the one with the Ark of the Covenant. So you don't even know what happens when they finally open it. Wait, what is the Ark of the Covenant? I have it pulled up right here.
According to Jewish and Christian tradition, the gold-plated wooden chest... housed the two tablets bearing the ten commandments uh and there's like some old relics in there and it's believed to be like oh so it's a treasure chest what do you call stuff that's like god lives like his soul is like holy no what's godly horcrux horcrux is that not scott something
I think, I don't know, like... The word that I was going to use is so not what it is. Omniscient? What is that? Because, like, omnipotent means, like, of God-like status. I was going to say omnipresent, but that's not it. I mean, it's kind of, maybe. But, like, it's like God, yeah. It's like God's shit. It's like a, it's essentially a horcrux for God. Kind of. Yeah.
So like, I'm not even, no, you're not going to like stab a book and he's going to, you know, with a basilisk thing or something, it probably won't happen. But God is just like, that's mine. And then it starts to glow.
Yeah. But apparently the CAA, uh, found it.
The CAA. Did I say that?
It's up for debate.
Just so we're all clear. I may have some sort of blindness because it feels like very obviously yellow to me. Brother, I think at this point in time you would know if you had a form of color blindness. Like this is like yellow obviously. That's very yellow. And like the jacket. Do I have the jacket? The jacket's over there on the table. We don't need to get up and get it.
Oh, the CIA found it. And then William Morris picked it up. Yeah. Apparently they found it by using psychics.
It says, they conducted experiments as part of the secret project Sunstreak. What? So what, they had the Long Island Medium out there and she's like, uh, anyone know what this is?
Like, I don't think you guys realize. I've said this before and I'll say it again. Fiyero is on to something, okay? Who the hell is that? From Wicked. Okay? Life is more painless for the brainless. I don't need to know certain things because then I need to grapple with the reality of them. I am very comfortable. We get it, dude. You don't want to know, but you're gonna.
The CIA conducted experiments as part of the secret Project Sunstreak. which they never come up with good names, with individuals known as remote viewers, a type of clairvoyant who claimed they could project their consciousness to receive information about faraway objects.
So you're telling me they have a three-eyed... This is a three-eyed raven. They're, like, sitting there. Oh, shit, yeah, I guess so. And then they're, like, going to find this chest. See, you know, like...
There's no credible scientific evidence that remote viewing exists.
This is what happened, but we have no basis off of telling if it happened or not. It's just one person that wears socks on their hands in order to protect them from forever chemicals in the oxygen. is telling us this, so we're gonna take it as credit and run with it. What happened to journalism, brother?
What happened to good old Walter Cronkite who's just like, you know what, I'm gonna tell them this because I know it's, I am cred, I believe it's true. Who the hell, this is, did you get this from Alex Jones too? No. Okay. This is Yahoo. And when has Yahoo ever steered us wrong? I mean, I haven't been on Yahoo in God knows how long. Remember those commercials? Yahoo! pretty good.
Yeah, I can do this over again.
Like that's orange. Of course. But that's like a deep orange.
Individuals opening the container by prying or striking are destroyed by the container's protectors through the use of a power unknown to us.
Ooh, they have a picture! Don't look at it. Yeah, Joey, close that. Don't look at it. So you clearly haven't seen Raiders of the Lost Ark. Close your eyes, Marion! Oh, is that a thing? You can't look at it? Well, so, I mean, spoiler for a 50-year-old movie at this point. I'm not sure exactly when it came out. But...
the Nazis find hold up the Nazis are involved in Raiders of the Lost Ark is all of Indiana Jones the bad guys are Nazis except for one where it's like I don't want to get insensitive, but it's like a witch doctor or something. There's a little tinge of racism in there. I honestly had no idea. I thought he was fighting old demons or something.
Well, there's a little bit of that, brother, but it starts with the Nazis. So the Nazis are like, we are going to find something. We are going for Hitler. We are going to find the Ark of the Covenant.
Did it look like this?
I know what it looks like. I don't need to see it. Is it, you're not allowed to see it in the movie? So they get it. And then he's just like, don't open it. And they're just like, and then there's a back and forth and then they open it. And Indiana Jones says to his lady, like, yo, close your eyes. And then the ghosts pop out of that thing and fuck them up, dude. Really? They fuck these people up.
Yeah. Yeah. That was a weird moment. But wait, hold on, hold on, hold on.
You see people's faces melting and shit. You've never seen that gif of the Nazi face melt.
The Nazi face melted. And the fucking face and everything melts away and shit. That's Raiders of the Lost Ark. Yeah, dude. No. And then the second one, the guy shoves his hand in the guy's chest and pulls out his heart. I honestly have never. Do me a favor. I know like, I don't know if you are not watching them for any specific reason. No, I just haven't. You should watch them.
I wanted to start this episode with something important, not important. It was a little dramatic. On my flight home, I just learned this thing. I had the weirdest interaction you can possibly have with a flight attendant ever. I went to the bathroom and I get up there. Well, first of all, I stand up, turbulence immediately. I'm bouncing around.
I mean, now at this point, I didn't know there was going to be melted Nazis in them. Hell yeah. Yeah. There's melted Nazis, all right. The best kind. I mean, you said it. And I agreed with it. If your face starts to melt, It's okay because we have ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment.
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Boom. I'm not enjoying the conversations about aliens. I'll go light. I'll go light with you. How's this? You just dumped all over me. What do you mean I'll go light on you? You just told me that there's balls of alien jizzing together and they're fucking turning people to stone poles. Stone poles. I will say this. Yep.
If I were to die, getting turned into a stone pole doesn't sound like the worst way.
I don't know if I want to be a stone pole. All I'm hearing is stone pole Steve Austin, too. Me, too, honestly.
Every time we say it, I'm like, stone pole. Can you pull up the thing about KFC made a fried chicken something? Oh, yeah. What is it, a toothpaste? So, yes, I saw this. So, apparently, KFC, which I don't know if we're legally allowed to call Kentucky Fried Chicken anymore.
The fucking piss in my bladder is bouncing around like loose change in a dryer.
There was, like, a lawsuit years ago I heard about that it was just, like, they got sued because, like, they couldn't legally call it... Oh, because it's not Kentucky? Chicken or something like that. But, like, they made a...
fried chicken flavored toothpaste which i do like fried chicken i love fried chicken i would try it no i've had flavored toothpaste before yeah but nothing that's like meat flavored brother yeah it's like strawberry or mint or bubble gum Hell yeah, now we're talking. I used to eat toothpaste when it was like that. I know it's not good for me. You shouldn't do that. When I was young.
question um so i was on this flight it was on our way home from dublin yeah uh orland as they call it over there um i noticed that they like you you're not allowed to walk up by where you rich people are you know what i'm saying they close the car they close the curtains and and then on top of closing the curtains there's a sign that says don't come up here unless you're one of us
Make sure we all make that very clear.
I love bubble gum.
I will say, I think it was Crest. They had toothpaste, like kids' toothpaste, that had little glitter things in it. Yeah. If you had told me it was candy, I would have eaten it with a spoon. Yeah. But I probably would have had some long-lasting issues.
Don't tell me they're going crazy with it now. What is a tube of toothpaste nowadays?
How much do you think that costs? Seven bucks, six bucks. For a tube? Holy shit. He hasn't brushed his teeth. What does it cost? You know? Yeah, I think it's, like, more expensive than you think because everything is just giant expensive now. I don't know why I reacted that way because I was going to say six. Yeah. And you said seven, eight. Six or seven, I would say, you know?
And, like, that's just, like, the base stuff. It's because seven, eight, nine. There you go. So if you get into the whole like, you know, like this is organic charcoal toothpaste that's going to make your mouth look whiter than ever. You ever see that when people have black toothpaste? I'm like, I can't do it. So I tried black mouthwash, charcoal mouthwash. Stupid.
Does it make you look like your throat? Did you pretend to be like a zombie? I pretended I was Danny DeVito, the penguin. That's a good one. I was just like. Yeah. No, it was gross and disgusting. And it was, it didn't, it also like, it didn't feel like I was cleaning my teeth, if that makes sense. What did it feel like?
It just felt like I was getting, I was wishing around, whooshing around mud water in my mouth. Ew. And, you know, like, I know it's probably wrong, but like, you know, like regular, like Scope or Listerine. They're so... They bite you. They're so strong that it feels like I'm getting the job done. Bro, I could... Yeah. I could breathe ice after one of those. But like... Yeah, I didn't like it.
I would never do this. I would say this toothpaste, if a regular tube is like $7, I'm going to say this one is... Here's the thing. Okay. I think that they know that they have a novelty on their hands, and it's by a company, Hizmil. I've never even heard that one. No, I did the same thing, but was it called High Smile? It's High Smile because it's a toothpaste. I mean, it's spelled Hizmil.
Well, there's fries in the way. Oh, the fries.
I'm not the idiot here. It's the people that spelled it all one word. I would do crazy things to that biscuit right now, honestly. I'll tell you this. If they just gave me Kentucky Fried Chicken flavored chicken, I'm all about it. I would love that. Oh, my God. A bucket of chicken? Hell yeah. I love that chicken comes in buckets. It's clear. It's so American. It hurts.
A plate is not enough. Fill a bucket. Yeah. Hell yeah.
It's awesome. It's clearly a novelty. so and it's from a company I've never heard of I imagine they have like more expensive stuff you know like you get like now you can buy like $20 sticks of deodorant we're all going the world is going to burn itself from the inside out You know when I knew the world was ending?
When I went to a Yankee game and they sold sodas that come with a cup with chicken tenders and fries.
Hey, man. And the straw goes through that. Hey, man.
Does it say that?
I was like, we're going down. Hey, man. That's just ingenuity. It is ingenuity. That is just genius, modern ingenuity. But I knew it was the beginning of the end when I saw that. I'm going to say this is $14.99. Okay. So we have $12.99.
Yeah, which is crazy. Segregation exists on planes, apparently.
The limited edition KFC dental kit is available on HisMiles. Click on that thing. It's clickable. I want to know what the fuck is in here. Yeah, well, I imagine it's the toothpaste, the toothbrush. So you get, all right, let's see this. This is crazy. What's all those emojis up there for?
Oh, they have just wild, crazy toothpaste flavors? So what is that? Blueberry, watermelon, loving this so far. Is that a lion's head? I see a lightning bolt. What's that?
I don't like it, but was the bathroom nicer?
Energy drink flavored, and it's electric charge. I will say, the packaging, quality. Ant. Yes. We should buy a couple of these. Alright. Hold on, is that a fucking tiramisu? Below the lightning bolt, is that a tiramisu? Oh my god, get it. I'm back. I'm back. Oh my god, buy it.
It's a slightly bigger bathroom than I've been in other plane bathrooms. That sentence meant nothing. That literally meant nothing. I tried to make it slightly bigger. It was slightly bigger.
All right, let's get some. Well, the dental kit was $72. So that probably, can you find out what the dental kit comes with?
Yo, brushing my teeth with tiramisu.
Oh. I would kind of hate not loving that I like it. What does that mean? Oh, Biscoff cookie toothpaste. Oh, Mikey is creaming his jocks right now.
Let me tell you. What else do they got? Click on all of them, dude. I'm freaking horny.
We got to see this. Sherbet next. Go home. Ice pop.
Love bang pops. What's that? Blue raspberry.
Chupa Chups. Chupa Chupa Chupa Chups Cola. I don't know what that is.
What the hell is this?
Chupa Chups are like lollipops. I didn't know they had cola. I don't know what these things are. I mean, we're going to go through all of them, bitch. Lychee. I've never had a Lychee.
All right. Let's see the bag. The Simpsons Purple Squishy Toothpaste. I don't even know what that could mean. Yeah. What does it taste like? And also, does it have anything to do with purple ketchup? Because if that's what we're working with, I'm kind of on board here. Pistachio Poppy. Ooh. I mean, I'm in for the... Actually, no. No? No way. Get it out of here, dude.
I don't like pistachio flavored stuff. Wow. I like pistachios. What's that? Is that a cocktail on the bottom row there? Chili Marge. Joey's going to shove that up his butt and fucking sit. I'm going to spray it in. He's going to spray that in his ass. I will say this.
This is crazy that, like, they... I never in a million years would have thought of, like, crazy... Just keep going while I'm talking, Ant, while you're at it.
Rainbow straps. I got excited. I'm just saying. I never would have thought... Rainbow Shrap sounds like something else.
I never in a million years would have thought of this flavored toothpaste at this level, where it's just like, here, have a Chile Con Carne flavored toothpaste. I think it's a good idea. Unless it's not good to put... Here's my thing that I'm scared about. What is getting that flavor? That's what I mean.
I made it so hard. That's all I wanted to say. I know you were in first class, whatever it was called. I don't remember.
That's what's scary because then when it's just like natural flavors or artificial flavoring, it's just like, oh, so you're just eating candy and brushing your teeth with sugar paste at this point. Do they have like an ingredient list or something? I don't think you need that flavor. List of ingredients. Okay.
Do we have any like red 40? Don't let me click on it.
Aqua, sorbitol, glycerin, hydrated silica, xylitol flavor aroma. Xanthan gum? That's not good for you. No, I mean, xanthan gum is like fine. I can't. Sea salt, zinc lactate, lime. It doesn't look like there's anything too insane. I just don't know what any of that stuff is.
red is more like uh sexy like dirty like it well i don't mean no what is going up well mean yes do you associate any feelings with colors i know we're getting psychologically that is a real thing i know it's synesthesia or something like that right no that's like when you can see colors oh okay with like words and so like it's psychological i know like mcdonald's and a lot of restaurants use red because it makes you feel like hungry and stuff like that but like
They're just like, okay, all right, what do we have in here? Pryoposphonate. Oh, they have pylofloxacin. Methyldipuracide.
Here's the issue.
I haven't seen anything that I know besides sea salt. I know. And water. Is that last thing lemonade? Oh, no, never mind. I thought it was lemonade. All right, let's see what other flavors we got in this bitch. By the way, you said your friend uses this toothpaste? Danny, yeah. Has his teeth not fallen out yet, dude? I don't know.
Yes, there it is. Was the perks perky? Were they perky perks? Were they like... Worth it? Because you were up there and I was just like, damn, I could see you, first of all.
Does he get these flavors, or does he just, like, sticks to, like, you know, the missionary of the flavors, which is peppermint? What's the cupcake-looking one? I imagine it's probably just going to be, like, birthday cake. No, it's, like, down. To the left. You're right there. To the left. Oh, I see it. Mint chocolate toothpaste.
Oh, my God.
Go to fucking hell. Yo, let me shut up. Yeah. You know, hate this. So you're brushing your teeth with poop. Cool. Next, give me another flavor. I can't believe that this is a real thing in America. Gummy bear. But again, what do gummy bears taste like? They taste like they're flavored like over fruit. So like it's orange or cherry or something. So like gummy bear.
I'm glad they're buying a thousand of these. Yeah. Honestly, should we have an episode where we're just brushing our teeth? Yeah. All right, give me another baby.
Is this a frog?
Red frog toothpaste.
What the fuck is that?
Is that a candy? It's got to be because when they spelled flavor with a U, I knew this was some probably stupid Canadian shit. So it's probably like a Timmy's candy up there where it's like, oh, have a red frog. They're not British, but you know what I'm saying. What is that one that's just letters?
Strawberry cream Yoshi toothpaste. That doesn't sound too bad. This is too much. What's the fourth one from the top? Just go line by line. Just go line by line. It just looks like a lion. What is that? That's Chupa Chups. That's the Chupa Chups.
Oh, oh, oh.
Yeah. Just like, this is too much. Mint bomb? Okay. I'm into it. I like mint. And I like bombs. I don't know where I stand on bombs. I'm indifferent about bombs. I'm indifferent about bombs. The bombs I'm indifferent about. You know? Is that a beach ball?
Cinnamon donut.
Honestly, I'll say this though. Oh my God. Transparency. That looks like so much. It looks like I have seen some of Becca's like makeup or something that looks like that. I didn't know where that was going for a second. I'm saying like the bottle, the packaging.
So, like, it's not like you were, like, in, like, another wing. Through the door that they closed.
I don't know. OK, what's the other donut? I mean, I imagine it's just another donut flavor. It's glazed donut.
Yeah. Okay. And what's the other strawberry frosted?
Probably pink donut. Okay. I like the pink donut. Give us, just click all the ones that we haven't seen yet, babe. Pina colada. Big fan of that. I like the drink. I don't know if I would like the toothpaste. I would like it. What's the one that looks like a bunny?
What the fuck is that?
Oh, it's probably going to be like a collab on like Miffy. Yeah, something like that.
Sweet Apple. I don't know.
You got to get some of these toothpaste in here. I mean, half of them or three quarters of them are sold out. Does Danny get like cool flavors? Have you tried them? I just asked that. Did you?
And? What did it taste like?
Through that fucking net that they closed and hiss at us. You can look through the net, you gnats. But, like, were the perks perky for you? Um...
Because like here's the thing with toothpaste is like it's there for a specific job. Bro, I'm going to brush my teeth. With a donut. What? You're grown adults and there's a guy upstairs brushing his teeth with like donut flavored shit.
Like, it's just funny to imagine. What's the one that's next to KFC? What's that? This is the Simpsons. The other side of it.
Oh, we like ran through all these now. Interesting. I mean, dude, the cinnamon donut. That's coming home with me. I mean, no, apparently not. It's sold out everywhere. That's because it's so good. They made a big fucking mistake leaving the tiramisu available, though. Honestly, you got to worry, though. Why is it still available? Do people not like it?
I don't know, but they're about to be sold out. I hate this. I want to make it clear. Will I try it? If 10 tubes of it showed up here... Tomorrow. $130 worth of toothpaste. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. You're not paying for it. So, like, why not, you know? I don't know what I was about to say. Honestly, I'm afraid of what would happen to that.
Joey would brush his teeth eight times a day if he has that tiramisu toothpaste. I'll just be walking into the bathroom just being like. Also, 2.1 ounces, that's not a lot. Or 60 grams. Like, that's probably not a lot. It's probably, like, this big.
Yeah. Which is just massive. Yeah, that's more than enough, I think. More than enough. Now that I think about it.
Boy, in God's name, we need anything more than that. Enough to choke you, honestly. I hate this toothpaste, and I hope that the company does well for itself. Making... Massive plug for this company. Yeah, by the way. His mill. Yeah, his mill. His mile. Listen, if they just happen to send us one of every flavor... Even the ones that are sold out. Don't be cheap. Don't be cheap. Mr. Smile.
i don't know because any i've i haven't flown internationally that much but i usually try to book delta one um but where you are sitting i think you guys got the same shit as me yeah as far as like the food uh probably and i think drink i mean i didn't drink on the plane but like bro Crazy thing, by the way.
Mr. Smile. Mr. Hismal. Mr. Hismal. I wonder if there's other companies that do this. Flavored toothpaste. Not just flavored toothpaste, but just something else you wouldn't even think about. Flavored, here we go, copyright. So flushable wipes are a big thing. A lot of people don't use them. Where are you going? Just hear me out. Hear me out. Hear me out. Flushable wipes. Okay.
You really shouldn't use them because they're not good, but companies still make them. Really? Yeah. They're very, there's like, it's known as like, there is no like safe flushable wipe. They all fuck up your system. It's just a matter of how much do it. Oh, I thought you're talking about your body. Oh, not this system. The plumbing system. Yeah. You know, the home plumbing, not the human plumbing.
Right. What if we made flavored wet wipes? Frank, see, this is where I was trying to prevent you from going because what the fuck are you talking about? I mean, how many wet wipes have you eaten? No, not for eating. For what? Do I need to spell it out for you, Joey? Do you want me to wipe my butt with like a glazed donut flavored wet wipe? What am I getting out of that?
You're walking away with your ass smelling like a glazed donut. I don't think I want that. No? I don't need a tiramisu smelling ass. But if you had one, would you be happy?
I love tiramisu.
I'm just saying. It might not be a necessity, but we as a country clearly have moved past can you to you should. But also, like, we're saying flavored. It should be scented.
Sure. I swear to God, I thought that was very good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fine with that. Like, for really, like, direct this at gay men and ladies. Or anyone that gets their shit ate, actually. Okay. Okay. Like, wipe my butt. Wipe my butt with this tiramisu and then go to town on my lady fingers. You know what I'm talking about? And then shove your lady fingers. I mean, listen. Frank.
Be really real. Don't be a character right now. You wouldn't have been hyped? This is like flavored condoms, that thing, too. I guess. I've never tasted the flavor. Who's eating a condom, Joey? I mean, I think that's more... What do you mean? They made them. I'm saying, like... People are getting very safe BJs. That's good. Good. And I support that for them. I'm just saying.
But, like, a blue raspberry... But, like, what if you could get, like, a sanitary wipe? Right. So, like, before you're about to get hot and heavy and you know your shit's about to get gobbled up on... Right. You're just like, hmm, do I go with the red frog or do I go with the glazed donut? Right. Which one would you go with? I mean, I'm not getting my shit ate. Which one would you rather eat?
I'm cinnamon donut. Cinnamon donut. Cinnamon donut on that cinnamon donut.
Yeah, I hear you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that would be a good one. I tell you what I wouldn't pick, though. KFC. Yeah.
On our flight, they made an announcement that main cabin ran out of alcohol.
Listen, companies love doing this now. Doritos had vodka. Did you try that? They did on TikTok. It was bad, right?
Oh, no. Didn't need that. But, like, what other ones have there been? There have been other ones like that where people do that shit. You know, KFC fucking toothpaste. Yeah. I'm sure there's other examples, you know?
Arby's Fries Vodka? They did that?
I've never had Arby's before. Neither have I, and I'm cool with not having it. We've got the meats. SNL made the joke before I could, so I can't take credit for it, but they're like, you don't want to go somewhere where they're telling you, like, we've got meat. And we're just like, yeah, we didn't think you did it. It's like, no, we got it. It's here.
Bro, because they were like, what? There was like four guys, like two aisles in front of me and to the right that were pounding drinks, dude. They ran out of alcohol. And they were just like, we're the ones that did it. Yeah, they were like, they said all they had left was red wine. That's insane. Yeah, I mean. But yeah, no, the perks are like. whatever. I mean, I do it because I like to lay down.
Roast beef is on your window, so I hope that you would. Ugh. Fast food roast beef is so bananas. Fast food... Fish is way worse. Yeah, like a Long John Silver's. Bro, you don't even need to go that far, but if you go to McDonald's and you get a Filet-O-Fish... That's so crazy. That's bananas to me.
I really think, though, like a Long John Silver's should just be like a really big bear trap.
And like you get in, and as soon as you step on the rug, the whole building just collapses, and everyone in it goes. I'm fine with that. Yeah. Yeah, just weed them out, you know? Weed them out from the rest of society. I have to go get...
salmon at a Long John Silver's yeah hey babe what are you doing tonight what do you have for dinner oh I just had my second filet of fish of the day what the hell is that What is with, bro, while we're at it, the McRib? Super unnecessary to have that. It ain't a thing, brother. It's not real food. I don't know what it is they're giving you, but it ain't real rib meat.
We've crushed burgers, fries. Or it's like pigeon ribs. It's pigeon ribs or something, not like beef. It's a quail rib. Yeah, exactly. It's just like, what rib meat is this? And it's like, it's from an aardvark. I've actually had quail. It's quite delicious. I think I had it too. I think we had it together.
Do you remember we went out for my birthday years ago, and then we went to that steakhouse, and they had the bird, but it was tied up like it was getting fucked? Hell yeah, I remember that. Spatchcocked.
That's what they call it. It was tied up by its legs and arms like this, and it had thick-ass thighs, and I'm like, this thing is...
Joey, yeah.
It is my birthday, isn't it?
It was your birthday. Give me the chicken, extra sexy.
I'm going to take a chicken home with me, if that's fine. Extra sexy. Can I get the chicken, extra horny?
Let me get one of these to go, and let me smack it before you put it in the bag. Yeah, we'll get two chickens extra horny. Thank you so much. Can you tie them up with my belt while you're at it? With my belt. Yeah, the arms were like overlapped like this. It wasn't spatchcocked. Because spatchcocked is when they're like open butt. No, this butt was intact. This butt was intact. It was.
The legs were overlapping. It was prim and proper. You could have put little chicken Louboutins on them or something. Yeah, we should go back. Anyway, there you have it, folks. Thank you so much for tuning in. Yeah, we're done. No, we're not. Let's keep going. Okay. What other... I can only talk about flavored toothpaste for too long.
Look up if there's any, like, company-partnered, like, brand deals that they've done. Like, Doritos Vodka, KFC. Frank, that's the most vague thing.
It's the end of the episode. I get one per episode. Give it. Give it. Look up if a company has ever collabed with another company before. Well, this is... He's looking at the keyboard, he's like, I don't know what to do.
I don't know where to start.
This is back when companies used to be so willing. If I need to hear this again. So, I'm serious, when they were very playful with their IP, and they were willing to partner with other people and stuff like that. KFC and Crocs. Pokemon.
Arby's and Old Spice?
What the hell is that? McDonald's and BTS. Arby's and Old Spice? Ben and Jerry's and Nike? Arby's and Old Spice is crazy, so when you take a huge roast beef shit, you can make it smell better. The guy that's like half horse, half man comes out. We're like, fucking what's his name? What's the big jack dude? I don't know. Fucking Cruz?
Terry Cruz walks out after you eat your Arby's and he smacks you in the mouth. Old Spice. Yeah, you can come in and have a roast beef sandwich, but make sure you're wearing deodorant. Swedish fish Oreos. No. That sucks. No. Yeah. Food brand crossovers that left us uneasy. Thank you. Someone gets it. Hold on. Peeps and Pepsi? I'm on board. No. I'm on board for a Pepsi Peep. Or Peepy Pepsi.
Like, like obviously that makes sense. I would rather do that. And I have a lot of miles so I can like bring the price down and stuff. Um, but so I go up to the bathroom and there's a flight attendant right there and they're like kind of talking to another flight attendant and
A Peepy Pepsi. I like that. You like Peepy Pepsi? I love Peeps. Oh, there it is. This sucks. Mustard and Skittles. They did an ice cream too, didn't they? Mm-hmm. That, I can't even, like, yo, put mustard, my hate for mustard aside. How does that taste good? No, gross. How does it taste good? I'm convinced that's fake. No. It's real. Do you like Skittles? I don't mind them. I love Skittles.
What they do to my throat is crazy. You don't. What? Can we stop now? Can we end the episode now? Skittles. What else we got? Gotcha. Kraft macaroni and cheese and ice cream. Van Leeuwen ice cream? Cheesy ice cream sounds nasty. Yeah. It might be good. No, it won't be. Black label bacon and cinnamon toast crunch?
I've been pulled back in.
Cinnamon toast crunch. If you sprinkled cinnamon toast crunch on anything, I'd be like, ooh, that sounds good.
Yeah. Human shit?
There's most things, I think.
You're not wrong. Coffee Mate and Dr. Pepper.
That's disgusting. Coffee Mate by itself, I don't drink it, but everything I've heard people say, like, this is gross. I've never had it.
Compartes Chocolatier and Velveeta? What the fuck? What the hell? Chocolate? One is chocolate? I don't get it. One is chocolate and one is cheese? I don't get it, and I don't want to. Keep going. Gotcha. Pepsi Peeps. We saw that. Coca-Cola and Oreo. Absolutely not. Disgusting. Ruining a great thing. I kind of wouldn't hate that. I could try that. Are you a big Oreo guy? I like Oreos. Okay.
Come on, come on. There's only a couple more. I can see it. Oreo Sour Patch. I think I actually tried that one. I think I did too, and it doesn't taste like that, right? Am I making that up? It just tastes like a cookie with sugar. It's not like it's chocolatey.
Yeah, no, I didn't think it was like sour.
Don't hate it. Don't hate it.
Lays and IHOP, Rooty Tooty, Fresh and Fruity.
What the hell is that?
What the hell? Where are they? Why is anyone still fucking with IHOP? Can we try them though? Like, cause we hate them. Uh, hell yeah. Oops. And Thomas's bagels. I'm in for that. I'm on that. Damn. I'm all in on that. Haven't had a fruit loop in years. Yep. Hidden Valley ranch teams with whiskey. All right. Shut this, shut this off. Shut this game off right now. Valley ranch and whiskey.
Shut it off.
That's so nasty.
I gotcha. Thank you. Ranch is disgusting. That's bad. No, ranch is not disgusting. That ranch. Risky. Whiskey I like.
The door says it's in use. You know, when you lock it and the thing says occupied. So I'm just waiting. And then the guy turns to me and he goes, oh, you don't know the trick? And I'm like, what?
Ranch I like. I'm not one of those freaks that dunks a whole burger into it. But, like, that's too, too, too much for me. Thank you guys for coming and hanging out. It's my show. Yeah, that's it. Where can they find you? Where can they find you? You can find me at Joe Sangato. Elephants in the sky. Birds. One, two, three, four, five.
How are we even doing that? It's so good.
You know where to find us. Go check out the basement yard everywhere. Patreon.com. Thank you. We love you folks.
because I'm like what is he talking about like how to hold in my piss or something like I didn't know what he meant and he's like you can unlock it from the outside I knew that and I was like how the why the fuck would I do that the little yeah well that's the question because I've seen them unlock it they like that little like cover they pick it up the thing that says lavatory
It says, like, lavatory or whatever, right? You can lift that, and it's, like, a little thing, and you can unlock the door. Yeah.
And I had no idea. Yeah, I knew that, yeah. But alsoβ Because you've seen them do it? Because I've seen them do it, but also, why would you do that? Why did they lock it is my question, too. But also, why would they, like, be like, you don't know the trick? Like, this is a trick of the trade. Like, we're just going to make it lookβ Also, broβ
Do you think I'm going to make the judgment call of like, there's no one in there. Let me unlock it. That is risky. Yeah.
Risky business. Let me tell you.
And I was on the verge of a big steamy piss. So someone would have got covered. Yeah, I don't know why it was difficult for me to comprehend what you were saying. But yeah, I just thought that was so weird.
So I went to the bathroom, peed, did whatever, shut the door. And then I was like, hey, thanks, man. I appreciate it. And he's like, now you can do it whenever you want. And I was like, dude, why do you want me to open bathrooms that are locked?
That was a freak of a flight attendant.
He was just like, you don't know the...
He was like, you don't know the trick.
But he was like, now you can do whatever you want. And I'm like, no, I can't. Against the law, illegal. Is it? Opening a locked bathroom? It's gotta be. I don't know. I mean, we're, we're, I, I also, I don't need the panic now. Now that I know that's a thing. Every time I take a poop on an airplane, now I'm gonna be like, Oh my God.
So we can get in here and like, yeah, I mean, that is kind of terrifying. Now you're scaring me. And you know how I feel on planes already scared most of the time. Yeah. So like now I will say those plane bathrooms were pretty big. Like I got in there and I was just like, there's space. Cause normally I have pretty broad shoulders.
Um, it's, you know, I get in there and I'm, I have to like, can't even go anywhere. It's like uncle Fester.
yeah you know you gotta piss like you're freezing yeah jesus i don't know but yeah oh now i'm letting you know next flight we're on if you're not like guarded by like the royal guards of the planes i'm going to when you're in the bathroom open the door don't i'll close the scene i'll get you no fly Is that possible? Well, the fucking flight attendant was just like, do it.
Joey. Go. Forget about McDonald's. Name a color. I'll tell you the feeling. Green.
He fucking schoolboy bullied you into opening this fucking bathroom on people. You don't know the trick? You know what? I won't do it. I'll pay a med to do it. What's that going to do? I mean, you never know.
My least favorite part of the plane bathroom is it's been different things, but now, like, obviously the faucet is annoying, how it, like, stops. But now it's, like, I'm trying to just throw the trash out. Like, I'm trying to throw these towels out. Oh, they're, like, ugh. And it's like, it's closing on my finger. Yep. And now you have to double wash.
And you're making me like touch it and then touch the, and the opening is so small. Agreed. My hands are dirty again.
See, my issue is, and I think we spoke about this, but like this sinks are not deep enough. Yeah. So like, I can't get my hands in there to wash them because I can't shrink my hands. Yeah. I can't have little baby hands like yours. So, like, when I get in there, it's like, as I'm washing my hands, it's like scraping the bottom of the sink. And it's like, it's ruined. You know how I get out?
I shoulder the thing. I throw my shoulder into the lock. Oh, I didn't even think of that. I just, I do the forearm. Or, yeah, like I won't. Yeah, I'll do that too. Just to get out. Dude, I love during COVID when bathrooms had that foot pedal. Yeah. Bring that back. That is a good one.
Also, big fan of the places that have a new opening mechanism where it's like a bar so you can put your forearm in it. But then, like, the angle is weird. Yeah, you've never seen that? You've never seen that?
Yeah, but see, that's not a feeling. You can't feel earthy.
I've seen it before. On a door, it's like you put your arm in it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a handle. You know how, like, the handle comes out and comes out like that? But then there's, like, a bar that goes up. So it's like, you know, you can kind of open it like that, put your foot in, skedaddle on out of there. But you are correct. The foot pedal is... I love the foot pedal. Way better.
Yeah. I am not a fan of, like... When you go to bathrooms and it's all just one bathroom, but just little stalls for like individual people. Are you crazy? No, because it's not like, like anyone could be next to you. Yeah, dude. A normal bathroom. In Europe, they love that. I know.
Green? That's an interesting one.
Where it's one door and then you walk in and then it's like a sink and like soap or whatever.
And then there's two stalls, separate stalls that are like full doors. But in another bathroom, it would just be like the half stalls, which I don't love. If I got to take a dump in public, I'm already I want to lose my mind. Make put me in a room. Dublick, by the way. Dump in public is a doublet.
Green is like happy. It's like, yeah, yeah. That's happy for me.
And also, if I go into a public bathroom, whether it be restaurant, bar, anywhere, there better be more than two stalls. There has to be more than two stalls. Because if someone's pissing right here, I better have the chance to put a piss barrier in between us. If it's just stall on stall and there's only two... I can't do it. Not that I'm like β it's just like make it three minimum. Minimum.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. You know? But I like being in my own little room.
I think that in the U.S., I don't know why we do this thing where it's like you can see people's feet underneath. Bro, put the door to the ground. Put me in a box. There's no reason for this.
I can't really recall the last time I saw like in the U.S. like a full β
I get that. Yeah, no, it's not bad. It's a good one. It's like an upper. Yeah, okay. You know? What about... Yellow. Oh, yellow is, like, kind of dirty. What? Yeah, to me, yellow is, like, yellow and brown and orange is, like, kind of, like, muddy and dirty. Brown is... You're making it sound horny, though. It's not. That's not what I said at all.
like head to toe bathroom stall or they just do completely separate like the whole thing is in one little room like which I'm also I'm on board for that too but always a line for those
Yeah. Bathrooms are weird. You know how I feel about bathrooms. I'm all over the place. It's funny that you say that you brought up the interaction with the flight attendant on that flight because I like, so I was just like, my stomach was bothering me. I was eager to get home and I was sitting there and the woman's like, do you want anything to drink? And I was like, no.
And she looks at me and she goes,
i was like what i didn't get it like kill yourself just didn't know like i just she just like i don't know if she was signaling to someone else but she was looking at me but she was like oh you don't like but but like you could hear me because you know how like like weird like plane sound like you just can't really hear that well yeah but i said i was just like i can hear her well i was just like no she's like no you're good i was like no and she goes
I was like, what is that? Did she go shoulder to shoulder or she cut her neck? Well, she didn't go like the undertaker, you know? She wasn't doing that. But she did like the, you know, like the, like this. You know who this is. At you? What did you say or do? I was just like, I crumbled, honestly. You like froze. I didn't know what to do. I was like, oh. That's so weird.
It was just a weird, I don't know if she was upset that I didn't want to drink. Do you ever order a drink because you're worried if they're going to get like offended that you don't get one? On a plane? Yeah. No. Okay. Me neither, but I just didn't know.
It sounds like you do.
No, no, no, no. I'm just saying like they're like doing their job and it's just like, well, I paid for this, so I might as well get a water or something, you know?
Yeah. I mean, sometimes they'll do like, oh, do you want your meal?
And I'm like, no, because like either I'll eat in the airport. So I'm just like, I'm not going to eat on this plane, bro. First of all, anytime there's a meal offered like for free included with my seat, I'm getting it because I paid for it. I'm sorry. That's my mentality. It's just like I paid for it. I'm going to get it. It's going to suck. Yeah. but I'm going to get it.
The guy next to me on the way to Scotland, first of all, sits down next to me, immediately opens, like, an old-timey, like, you know how, like, women in the 70s would keep, like, their, like... Yeah, yeah.
It's got a palette on it.
It's like a metal case. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Opens that, just pills strewn about. And here's the thing. Damn. People take pills. That's on them. But these were not all the same pills. They were all different pills that, like, I can't look at a pill and tell you what it is. I know there are people that can. But, like, it was, like, four different types of pills.
And he just went like this. It was just a potpourri of pills. Yeah, dude. And he just took them and... How many? Whatever you could fit in this. He just clawed it? He clawed it, took them, swallowed them. Passed out. And then put his hood up and went to sleep.
Then I don't know who this guy was, but I was thinking like this guy might be somebody because he's kind of doing this with a lot of confidence. Then he goes, she goes, you want your meal? He doesn't even say yes or no. He said, I'm going to sleep. Keep it warm for me when I wake up. What? What is this, your wife?
I would just say, hey, don't get on that horse, Mr. Reeve. All right. There's so much that I could do. The opportunities, the possibilities are truly endless. And we started talking about this because we were talking about a book from 1,400 years ago. Nope, that's not right. 1,200 years ago. Would you go back in your life, or would you go back a different time? Or in the future?
I mean, you wouldn't go back before Twisted Tees existed, so... Right, right.
Oh, my God, the first time you went to Disney?
I don't know why that's not interesting to me.
I mean, that would be super cool. Like, imagine... Now what? You're going to come here and tell people and no one's going to believe you? It would be cool. Yeah, but we're going back to the same thing. You can make the same argument that you're six years old and you're like, oh, invest in Uber. And your mom's going to be like, what the fuck is that? It's a car. It shows up and it's on a phone.
She's like, I don't know what any of that means. Ant?
Yeah, sure. If you want. You're in a bubble.
Am I looking? We're talking, what was that word? Westworld here. We got Westworld technology. You can kind of do whatever you want. If you want to pay for the service where you're just like a silent watcher. How about this? You can go back, but you're like your body, but no one knows that it's you. You understand? Yeah, I get you. So you could theoretically see yourself in whatever you go back to.
Or you can go back and be like, Mom, Dad, I'm your son from the future. Yeah, I don't want to ruin everything. Let's talk. Guess what happens? I wouldn't do β I don't think you would get a lot out of that.
Yeah, exactly. I had a- I had a- Yeah. You know. You haven't done the accent in a little bit, now that we've been back. Well, no one cares if I do it at home. Right. You know? I think I probably annoyed my family with it at this point. See, that's shocking. Because I didn't think that you ever could annoy anybody. You heard that shit, right? I heard a gasp over here. You heard the gasp? It gasped.
But imagine you could go back and just know these questions that people have been wondering for so long, and you can go back and, like, actually figure β not figure out, but, like, witness something. Like, that would be cool. Yeah, I don't really care. All right. That's fine.
I don't know how we got from Scotland to here. Because we were talking about how old those places are. And that's the thing that is so cool about Europe, too. Like, and why, you know, I guess where we grew up is kind of like, eh. Because things get torn down and built up all the time. So everything's, like, relatively new.
Everything in the... Not everything, but, like, a lot of the stuff in those cities are from... Hundreds of years ago.
And they're very pretty. Yes, they are. But also their infrastructure is also clearly based off of things from hundreds of years ago because the plumbing and electric out there was not great. It's not perf. It's definitely not perf. We lost power in three straight Airbnbs.
bang bang boom three days in a row no power no power just because someone plugged in by the way like not like plugged in like dumb did a dumb American thing and like plugged like an American plug into something it was a legit yeah Scottish plug yeah and they fuck it went we lost power and then Mikey filmed it I imagine it'll be available in some capacity but like it was not fun to lose power yeah
Yeah, no. I mean, we didn't lose power for a long time. It wasn't that bad. We went through the blackout. You remember the blackout? Would you go back on a time machine and go experience the blackout again? Why? It was kind of fun. I mean, from what I remember, I was actually in Connecticut for most of it. I wish I was older for that. So you'd get into trouble? No, get into trouble.
I'm saying I wish I was like 19. That would have been dangerous. Why? That's like a thing. Ruby says that. No, no, no. I'm saying why would it be dangerous? Being a 19-year-old in a blacked-out New York City for a week? Dude, you would have... You, us, would have gotten into trouble. I think that would have been cool. We played, like, soccer or something, didn't we?
I was in Connecticut for most of the summer.
But, yeah, during the day. But, like, bro, at night, remember, there were, like... I remember the small amount of time that I was here. There were, like, cops on every single corner because, like... It was probably β Astoria had no power for a week. Yeah. That was crazy. That shit was nuts. I was trying β I was taking, like, naps in the middle of the night. Naps.
But, like, my dad would have the car on so that we could sleep with the AC because it was hot as hell. Yeah. Oh, wow. I didn't even think of that. Yeah, it was so hot. That is crazy. I remember when I was sleeping in the middle of the night. Then the lights came on, and I was like, yeah. I mean, remember everyone thought it was another terrorist attack. Yeah. When was that? 2005, I want to say.
Oh, so not that far away. Yeah, I would have been scared. This is such a weird thing that maybe it doesn't add to the story at all. But I remember...
I'm still working on that one. That's the only one I. But it's tough. You scared me. Hmm? Joey scared me into practicing because as soon as I practiced the Scottish accent and I think I got it pretty good. It's good. You know, just like give me something to say. Hey, how are you? See, but like give it like something with like, Hey, how are you?
hearing like a loud noise outside which I don't know if that's like real or if I'm making that up now because it's been so far so long since this thing and hey Arnold was on the TV and it was Helga Pataki and she was like confessing her love for Arnold or something and the TV shut off and I was like What the fuck? Like, who turned the TV off and then everything was off?
Who interrupted my Hey Arnold? Who interrupted Hey Arnold? Great show. That was a pretty good show. Great show. Sick bedroom that kid had. Let me tell you, not many bedrooms I wanted to have that weren't mine. That was one of them, 100%. You loved your bedroom that much? I liked my bedroom, yeah. Which one? Because you've had three bedrooms. One, two, three. I actually had four in that house.
So which was your fave? I mean, my fave was when I was older, like in high school, and I had my own little space. The basement? Yeah. That was fun. Go down to the right, you mean? To the right, yeah. I used to have the one to the left before that. Right, by the back door. Good time. I used to sleep with a knife under my pillow. Yeah. Which people apparently think that's crazy. Yeah.
No one was breaking into your house. But we had a great time in Scotland. We went over to England. We had some proper points. Yeah, we did. Bangers and mash. I didn't have any bangers and mash. I had some sort of banger. What's a banger? A banger is a sausage in your mouth. There were just bangers in your mouth. People were banging your mouth. I see what you're doing here.
We saw Buckingham Palace. Buckingham Palace, which was super okay. Yeah, it was all right. I was expecting more, to be honest. Big Ben blew me out of the water. Big Ben was huge. Big... You listen. People talk about how big this thing is, and they're right, but no one talks about the girth of it. No one talks about how wide and thick Big Ben is.
Dude, like... Big guy. And... shiny shiny how do they keep it so clean oh i don't know what is going on over there it probably has a lot to do with like the crown and stuff like that they're cleaning that they're cleaning and polishing all like the gold over there was like polished brother it was shiny as hell and also
It's a big fat Ben. Yeah. That was a big old one. Oh, my God, dude. The London Eye saw it from afar. Yeah. I get it. It's a circle. It's a circle. When you're looking at the London Eye, the best part about the London Eye is that if you turn around, you can see Big Ben.
He's pretty big. That's the best part. He's pretty big, yeah. He's big. And there's also just like a lot of just old shit in that area. Spiky fences around Big Ben. You remember that? Big spiky fences. I'm like touching it. I'm like, dude, these are a killer person. Well, because they had to keep out intruders just in case someone wanted to scale Ben.
But, like, you touch it, bro, you fall on that thing, it's done. You legitimately, if you took someone and threw them on it, they'd be impaled. Yeah. Dead. They gotta keep Ben safe. So maybe what they're doing is they're polishing the gold. Yeah. They're looking up at Big Ben. And they're like, whoa. And they're just, like, keeping the... What are you doing? They're keeping the fence pointy.
Like, it's not great, but like while it was there, it was better. I think, I think. Okay. It's the air. I think the air and the ground. Blame the air and the ground. You know, but like Scotland, how are you?
Yeah, they're, like, filing it down and stuff like that. And they're just like, no one's gonna get to our friend Ben. Yeah. It's a very spiky fence and a very big van. They used to kill people by just throwing them on spikes, right? Yeah. That was crazy. Yeah. It's not. I wouldn't want that to happen. No way. I, like, touched the fence, and I was like, ooh, my finger.
Can you imagine being impaled, bro? If you're falling from Big Ben, you're not living, dude. No way. You land on that. Like, maybe if you land in the water, because there's the River Thames right there. Yeah, but you... Maybe. No way, dude. But, like, you land on one of those pointy fences. I gotta be really honest with you. Be honest. I love a pointy fence.
Like, an iron pointy fence. A dangerous fence. Our fucking elementary school and my high school had those. What? It had a pointy fence? Yeah, yours did, too, right? Very, very pointy. A lot of, like, old schools in Queens have pointy iron fences, dude. I remember our fences. But I don't remember them being pointy. Hell yeah, they were pointy, brother. Do me a favor.
Look up on Google Maps our elementary school.
What? Just to prove a point. I know what it looks like. I'm just saying I just don't remember. Yeah, there were pointy fences up there. I do remember I pushed a kid named Demir, one of our friends, into a fence at a certain point, and they had little kind of spikes on them, and he chased me. Demir famously, by the wayβ Never got his paws on me. We said, like, hey, Demir, let's reconnect and talk.
Messaged him, left on red, brother. Absolutely. Big bang, boom. Yeah. I tell you what, you know who didn't get left on red? Seat Geek, okay? Seat Geek is where you're buying all your tickets, okay? You're going to a live event. You're going to go see a team, an artist, a band, a monster truck rally. You can get your tickets with Seat Geek, okay?
We had a fucking proper time in Scotland. How many Guinnesses do you think that you had? We also had a baby Guinness shot for the first time. Those are delicious. Those are delicious. And the reason they call them baby Guinness is because they look like a little Guinness. Baby Guinness. I would say a couple dozen.
They have a wonderful interface where it's color-coded, so dark green means a really good price for that ticket, and then dark red, you might want to stay away from that. That's an overpriced ticket right there. But I've been using SeatGeek for years now. It has over 28 million downloads. It's the number one rated ticketing app in the App Store.
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Yeah, so go download the SeatGeek app and use the code BASEMENT2025 for 10% off of your next set of tickets at SeatGeek, okay? That's any tickets on there, 10% off with that code BASEMENT2025. Okay, so go enjoy that, folks. And we also have FitBud.
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Listen, while you're on a personal health journey or you're going to a game or you're on your way to work, why don't you let us join you? TheBasementYard.com slash TheBasementYard. What? TheBasementYard.com slash TheBasementYard backslash TheBasementYard. I don't know if that's a thing. It's definitely not a thing. TheBasementYard.com slash TheBasementYard? No. What would that even be?
Head on over to TheBasementYard slash TheBasementYard. I mean, patreon.com slash the basement yard. Let us join you and hang out. We tell you guys about Patreon all the time. So make sure you go check it out. You join that first here. You get these weekly episodes one whole week in advance. And that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday.
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It's going to be fun. Come along for the party. Basementyard.com slash thebasementyard. That'll bring you right to the basement. All right, I have a question for you. Did you have a proper English breakfast? While we were out there? Yeah. No, but I did the last time I was there, and it was great. Beans on toast, dude, is good. I said that. I had an English breakfast and an Irish breakfast.
I think the only difference is the whole pudding situation. One's a black pudding? Well, I think they call it different things. I don't want to get into it, and the Irish people will fuck me up. But, like, there was also white pudding on the Irish breakfast. White pudding? Yeah, it's like... Rice pudding? No, it's white. So there's black pudding, which is, like, pig's blood and, like, stuff.
And then white pudding, which is just, like, fat and, like, animal balls or some shit. And I gotta say... The balls were good? They were... Not the balls, but like the puddings that were presented. The presented puddings were delicious. Yeah? I really liked them. They figured it out, dude. Love beans, too. You know how I feel about beans. Dude, beans and toast is good. Why do people shit on it?
Well, I think they shit on it because it's just like... It's such a strange combination. You know, like, beans are, and I know we're speaking as filthy, dumb, you know, Americans. I mean, if you put beans on a hot dog, that's bread and beans. But the hot dog is the star of that. Yeah. Like, the hot dog is the guardian of the galaxy. You know what I'm saying?
Love it. Listen, I've always... I love this stuff.
Like, it's not a side player in the movie. Okay. Like, the beans on top are meant to accompany the hot dog. Where the beans on toast, it's just like beans on toast. Yeah, but that's like a side. It's not like that's your full breakfast is beans on toast. There's other stuff. That's a big part of the breakfast, dude. Those are both very filling. I think everyone gets to shine, though. I agree.
They have it all spread out. It is also just like a random assortment. Who in their right mind would have been like, beans for breakfast? I don't know. Again, I don't hate it. I like it.
Fucking funny. Yeah. Frank, why does this upset you? I didn't like Guinness when we were 19. Let it go. It was over 10 years ago. But even a couple years ago, when we were recording episodes of the Basement Yard podcast, which you could find everywhere, you would openly say, I don't like Guinness. It's gross to me. And you know what? I'm not going to give you too much.
Yeah. But just with everything else, it was just like, all right, this is a strange. And then there were bangers on there. There was puddings on there, eggs on there, you know, eggs. How do you, was this your first fish and chips that you had proper? Uh, no, but fish and chips is good. I don't know. What kind of fish is that? I don't even know. God, I think. Right.
And have you ever had fish and chips? Yeah, I don't like it. I will say the chips out there are better. I think so. Well, because our potato β everything of our food over here is trying to kill us. I wish I had a dollar for every time you said that while we were there. It's true. Frankie would eat everything and be like, this is so good. You know why? Because there's poison in American food.
Let's be honest. I'm being β But, like, it just β everything was just better in the Guinness. The Guinness was great. And we learned how to pour it. Split the G a few times. We didn't split the G a few times. Joey split the G a few times. You split the G. Once, but you were on a roll for a sec. I don't know if that's good or bad. It's probably great. And then we got an insight.
We went to the Guinness factory, which was amazing. If you guys are ever out in Dublin, go to the Guinness factory. It's like Willy Wonka and the Guinness factory, basically. Yeah, it is. It's very colorful. There's screens. There's things moving. We walked into one room, and I thought we were in Lumen. Yeah, it was Severance. It was white. Yeah, everything was white. White. Very white.
Very white. And then there were just, like, little things to smell. Remember that? There was, like, these pillars. And there was smoke pillowing out of them, and then you smell them, and it's like, that's yeast. And then, so... There was, like, this is yeast, this is that, and then there was this other shit, and he's like, this is, like... There was a word for it that I can't remember. Barley.
No, no, no. Pops. No. It was the thing that... Oh, the guys would come home. It was like the sweetened something, and they'd come home, and they were like, sweet. Yeah, and like, oh, their wives love them because they smell like this. And then at the end of it, he was like, which one was your favorite scent? And I was like, the guys. I like the men. Yeah.
And then we went and then we had a Guinness and then, and then they, they do your picture on the, I forgot about that. They do your picture on the Guinness. I just got to say this. We did have a competition on who had the better Guinness for. Frank and. Mikey. Mikey. Mikey and I won. Yep. And I was fully ready to concede. I thought my poor looked like shit. The expert, though.
But I also like before that, I was just like, say it's mine, please.
i don't know if he actually listened or if he like legitimately you know i guess he's been there was a camera around so he probably felt like he had to yeah he might have been tampered with you you tampered with him um but yeah no the guinness factory was a really good time and then they have a bar on top of the factory oh yeah it's like a panoramic view awesome yeah it was really cool i had like a moment like looking out and just being like
I'm in Dublin. Dublin. Yeah. I will say, just as a whole, pub culture out there is very different. Like, Americans, like, in America, when you drink, you drink to go. You know what I'm saying? Like, you drink to get drunk. Over there, it's, like, very casual. Like, for lunch, they'll have a pint or two and then go back to work and just be like, let's do the rest of our day.
I also just love how β maybe this is, like β I thought it was interesting that there were so many women also, like, outside the Irish pubs drinking beers. Because I feel like that's not something you really see. Yeah, because Americans were just like, you're a lady? Here, I have this skinny little mini binty teeny teeny beeny beeny for you. Yeah. Where it was like, man, you want something?
What do you want out of this interaction? Nothing. I literally was just going to say I'm not going to give you too much shit because I understand our palate changes as we grow up and we experience more of the world. I do. That's what I'm saying. There's no need to bring it up. I brought it up, bitch. Now what? I said I liked it. And then you're like, oh, you didn't like it 10 years ago.
Drink this fucking beer. Yeah. But, like, and also there's a lot of guys, like, out in suits and stuff in the middle of the day or whatever, and they're just outside. I'm like, this is so awesome. It was, like, it is crazy just, like, how not of a party atmosphere it was. You know what I mean? Like, bro, we were there. When we landed in London, it was, like, Monday afternoon.
Pubs were filled. And, like, not afternoon, like, 4 p.m. Like, people might have gotten off work early. Yeah, it was, like, 2, 1. Yeah. And, like, I'm not even talking filled. Like, inside was filled. Inside was filled and then the street and across the street outside. Yeah. That we need to bring here. We do.
Because we had it during COVID, but then it's gone, where it's like you can go into a pub, get a pint, and then stand out on the sidewalk. And they make all the pubs with a shelf so you can put your beer right there. And not even just immediately outside. Remember that one we went to before the London show?
People were across the street, down the block on the corner, and then they bring their glasses back. Americans, we would have... We would have taken that shit so quick. Have you ever taken a glass from a beer place? I'll tell you someone who has. My mother. Oh, I stole two of them. Bro. I was like, what the fuck are you doing?
I know an old white woman that also steals like glasses and wine glasses from bars. Like, it's just like, not like often, but like has done it. Who? Becca's mom. Becca's mom, dude. Her mentality β I think it's just like a thing. She's done it I think like twice, and she's just like, I paid for this. I'm taking it. And it's like that's the wildest, most American β You paid for the thing in the cup.
Yeah, no. My mom was like, oh, these are really nice. And it had like the brewery's logo on it. Yeah. I was like, taking one. I was like, taking two is insane. Yeah, I think after the second time, Becca's mom was just like, I probably shouldn't do that again. We walked outside. I'm just hearing, cling, cling. I'm like, what the fuck is that? Did you steal glasses? She's like, yeah.
Old people love taking stuff and just saying it's theirs. My dad, when we would go to Cracker Barrel, would steal, without exaggeration, every time, at least 12 or 13 of the mini bottles of the Cracker Barrel syrup. Like pancake syrup? Yeah. What is he going to do with that? Put it on pancakes, brother. Really? Have you ever been to a Cracker Barrel? I'll be honest with you.
I've never been there. I don't know what it looks like, and I always get it confused with crate and barrel.
I used to think that you would go buy furniture, but there was also food there because of the way people talked about it. Well, that's Ikea, and it sounds great. You've been to a Cracker Barrel? Never. It's called the Cracker Barrel Old Country Mill. It's like Southernβ style food where it's just like, you know, grits, fried chicken, you know, chicken fried steak. Pulled pork? I don't know.
I think it was just... A decade ago, you said you didn't like it. It's... Joey, you and I need to hold each other accountable. So as we grow up in life and we like things that we previously had not liked, we're going to bring it up. So... You've done this to me too. You like the same things that you've liked since 2009. And then there's some other stuff that I've also liked too. Which ones?
I haven't been in quite a while. I don't think my body can physically handle going back. Is it like fast food? Is it buffet? It's like IHOP. It's like a chain like IHOP. But like not as bad as IHOP. But like IHOP. You know what I mean? IHOP does pancakes well. No, they don't. They do. I won't say. I've never walked out of an IHOP and been like, that was yummy.
I've walked out and said like, what is happening in my body could only be attributed to like Robert Oppenheimer. There might be something going on with you. I think that pancakes are just pancakes. There definitely is something going on with me. You've had a pancake that tasted different than other pancakes? Of course I have. I feel like pancakes taste the same.
No, I've had better pancakes, whether they're buttermilk or people do whole wheat pancakes. But that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying just a pancake, a regular pancake. I've had β there is definitely a hierarchy to pancakes. Really? I've never felt a difference in pancakes. They look β the way they look, yeah. You definitely β then you're not having enough pancakes.
I'm not having enough pancakes. So then you need to up your pancake game because a good pancake and a bad pancake, there is like a fucking β
kilometer difference between the two but i forgot what i was saying yeah i did that crate and crack and crack and barrel crack cracker cracker barrel like the front is like you could get like you know like little like little trinkets and stuff like that like you could buy like a flamingo pot for your front porch or you could buy like old-timey 1920s bubble gum like it's just weird and then it's a restaurant in the back they sell merch at this place yeah
And then like in the back, it's like Hard Rock Cafe. In the back. I've also never been. You just gasped. That was crazy. I've never been in a Rock Hard. It's like Rainforest Cafe. Rock Hard Cafe? Yeah. Hard Rock, brother. You've probably been to a Rock Hard Cafe.
The rock hard. Maybe after you saw Big Ben, you went right to the rock hard. Honestly? Maybe. And you've been through a hard rock. I was with a rock hard, too. I got you. Well, we went to the rehab pool party in Vegas. Oh, you didn't went to rehab pool party in Vegas. Yeah, I wasn't ever been to rehab.
But, yeah, no, I don't think so. But, like, so Cracker Barrel's known for their maple syrup. Okay. And we would go. So all the times we drove down to the south to see my family, when my dad would drive us, we would stop at every Cracker Barrel on the way. Which, guess how many Cracker Barrels there are on the way to Jacksonville, Florida? Hundreds, probably.
at least 15 and without exaggeration breakfast lunch and dinner we would stop at Cracker Barrel because my dad was obsessed and he would get there and he thought he was running like a Lufthansa heist level fucking racket where he's going in and they're like he orders pancakes and he's like bring me five bottles of your syrup You don't need to, you know, we know, we already know about my father.
Five bottles of syrup. We already know about my father. They're like nips. They're nips. And then they would go and he would, they would bring them and he'd put them in his like jacket.
They'd drop the bottles, and then my dad would put them in his pockets, and they'd come back, and they'd be like, how's everything doing? Everything okay? He's like, I never got my bottles of syrup. And they're like, oh, my God. I'm so sorry. And they'd go, and he'd do that another, like, time.
Watches. I like watches. I used to make fun of watches. It's true. I used to make fun of them, but see, I grow. I blossom into this beautiful butterfly that you see in front of you. So you're allowed, but I'm not. No, you are. I just said I'm not going to give you too much shit. But you gave shit. You handed me shit on a platter. So we took the red eye into Edinburgh. Am I saying that right?
Would he just drink them? No, he would put them on his pancakes. But you're in the place where they have the syrup. I don't know. Why would you need more? I don't know, dude. And you don't have pancakes in your car. But then he would leave with them.
How much money does he think he's saving by robbing these places of syrup? My father. Come on. It's unbelievable. We would walk out, and he would be giddy. Got him again.
Like they fucking clearly knew. That's so crazy. It was also, they're probably just like, dude, you're not like, we will give them to you if you want. They're free. Just ask them. Just ask. And we will give you this free maple syrup that we're offering. Oh, man. I've never been there, so I don't know. Save yourself the time. I love syrup, though, dude. I know. I do, too.
But if you had a bowl, like a regular bowl, right, of like a cereal bowl, but it was filled with syrup and you had a straw, how long has it taken you to finish? Oh. I'm dying before I finish that bowl, dude. Let's say... Let's say there's no health repercussions. Yeah. No health repercussions on... It's still very sweet. Yeah.
I put like real maple syrup sweet and like, you know, fake, you know, like old county mill or whatever it's called. Old... Oh, pearl milling. Something like that. That is like... I can't have that. But like real maple syrup... I could probably get a cup or two down. That's so crazy. I mean, I'd hate myself immediately afterward. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You ever see videos of people just like chugging like a bottle of... Well, that's what I... A bowl of maple syrup is what is in my morning routine now.
I shove my face into a bowl of maple syrup. Oh, I see what you're doing. I was like, what are you talking about? TheBasementYard.com slash TheBasementYard. Don't forget to go to TheBasementYard.com. Well, everyone is talking about this whole morning routine. Ashton... Hall? Hall. Thank God I wasn't going to say what I thought the real last name was. Kutcher? No, I was going Tate. Ashton Hall.
It's been everywhere. We haven't gotten a chance to talk about it because we were in Europe the whole day. I doubt it. Yeah. released his morning routine. And... Well, he's been doing it. I've seen this guy. Josh always sends me his videos. Why? I mean, first of all, the guy is shredded... Yoked up! Shredded like a bag of mozzarella. I guess... Guys... Guys shredded huge like Big Ben.
Because it's not pronounced that way. It is spelled Edinburgh. Edinburgh. Yeah. I think the G-H is just like... Yeah. It's not like... Edinburgh. And then some of us... It was a little tough on some of us. You know, I can't sleep on planes. You... I barely slept. So we were pretty tired. Mm-hmm. Best way to stay awake was with a couple Guinness. A couple of Guinness. And seeing a castle, too.
Bringing that back. He wakes up, he tapes his mouth. Have you done that? No, I have not. Have you done anything with sleep before, like a mask? I mean, I've had to do β there was like a summer where my snoring was bad, so I had a mouthpiece. A summer? Yeah, honestly, and then it just stopped. Okay.
I had a mouthpiece, but like all these like get slim quick schemes of like sleeping with tape over your mouth or something like that. Bro. Bro. There's this thing on TikTok where people have like β it's the TikTok shop. So they make a video, and they talk about a product, and if people buy through their link, they make money.
So people just make up the wildest stories, and there was one I saw where it was like β they picked a random celebrity and it may have been, it probably wasn't Tom Hardy, but like they'll do, they'll be like, Tom Hardy is saying that people are getting uglier and this is why. Wait, hold on.
And then it's like, if you tape your mouth, then your jaw, like they'll show people like a before and after where they're like this. And then the next photo, they like, they use tape. Like this is just after two weeks and they're like a hundred pounds lighter. do we know for sure if Tom Hardy is calling people ugly? No, we don't.
So how do you know that this marketing technique is not based off truth, Joey? Because the whole thing is a fallacy. That's why I'd be afraid to sleep. Tom Holland's out here and says, all you guys are fat pigs. Yeah. But like I spoke to Jimmy Kimmel last week and he said, everyone is disgusting as hell. Have you ever worn one of those nose straps?
When I was younger, like the sticky ones, but not the magnetic ones. Those are amazing. They just like β didn't you say you wore one and you could like smell the earth or something? Bro, I literally β I've never had the most β I've never had the most β I've never had that much oxygen. Why is it so hard for me to say? You still fucked it up. My neck feels weird. You've never had that much oxygen.
Much oxygen. Much oxygen. Much oxygen. I've never had that much oxygen. There you go. There we go. In my nose. Like I had like, there's like a bendy thing in this thing and it sticks to your nose and it opens up your nostrils like this. Yeah, but like. I don't, like, you don't get that thing where, like, when your nostrils are too, like, unobstructed. And then it gets cold. It gets cold up there.
Yeah. And it's freezing. And I want warmth back in my nose. I agree. But it's not like that. Because it only opens up, like, this part. It doesn't open up, like, your sinuses. Yeah. So it, like, you know. But I like it a lot to have that. Well, yeah. So he's taping his mouth. He's waking up. Waking up at like 321 a.m. Listen, I don't know Ashton at all.
I think he's a former NFL player, if that's not mistaken. I have no idea. I know that there's a lot of discipline that comes with being a professional athlete. If you don't need to wake up at 3 o'clock in the morning, don't wake up at 3 o'clock in the morning. And if you do, shut up about it. 4 a.m. wake-ups?
Just, like, the only people that tell you that they wake up early are the people that wake up early. You know what I... Like, that's not what I meant. How... That's not what I meant. The only people... At TheBasementYard.com slash TheBasementYard. Yeah, TheBasementYard. Oxygen. The only people that, like...
I feel like you were going to repeat the same thing. The only people that talk about waking up early are the people that do it for no reason. You know what I mean? It's just like, I get up every day at 4 a.m. now. And it's just like, way to go. Way to fucking go. 4 a.m. is a little early. He also says he goes to sleep at like 8 p.m. Crazy. Yeah, it's just kind of wild.
Mark Wahlberg's another one. He's like, I'm up at 3.10 getting it. And he's just like doing pull-ups. Bro, he wakes up that early to just pray. He does have some prayer. He stays prayed up, as he says. Stay prayed up.
Loved the castle. There was a big bitch there. Dude, I can't even... We went to the Edinburgh Castle, and there was a chapel on the grounds, and there was a sign outside. This was built in 1130. Yeah, that's old. How is that even a real year? You know what I mean? Oh, and then when we were in Dublin, we saw the book. They're like, this book is from 800. I'm like, that doesn't even sound real.
Dude, it's 4 a.m. No one's watching. I mean, it's better than what he used to do back in his old days. There was some stuff there. It was some stuff. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I don't know. But anyway, this guy wakes up. He does the face cold plunge thing. I've never done it. Okay, and it's with Saratoga water. Yeah. Have you ever had Saratoga water? No, I've never heard of it until these videos.
Oh, I've had it. It's good water. It's expensive water. If I'm this dude, I need millions. I mean, I can imagine off of this video alone this guy got. If some company has to be coming in being like, yo, use our water. We'll pay you this much. And it would be worth it for them. I mean, I think I saw something that was just like Saratoga Water. Their sales skyrocketed after this. Yeah.
Hey, I mean, all the people parodying. Parodying. Parodying. All the people parodying. All the people doing a parody of this bought Saratoga. All the people doing a parody of these videos bought a lot of Saratoga water, and it's, oh, my God. Yeah, it's tough. But, yeah, so he wakes up, and he goes to the pool, and then he just does sprint workouts, and he's just sprinting.
But he also has, like, a bodyguard that he has with him. Goddamn. Bro, if Iβ This guy is yoked with a capital WOAH. Whoa, dude. We just found out Frankie's type. No, I mean, dude, look at this guy. I mean, clearly whatever he is doing is working. There is a level of discipline that comes with that morning routine. Like he's also probably eating only like.
kale you know what i mean like he uh i just don't get the whole like oh and the banana thing at 8 43 in the morning rub his face with it he rubs his face with the banana peel which i don't know why the science behind that oh no is it is this being marketed as like an alpha male thing have the alpha males taken this again no i don't think so
I think it's just this dude doing his morning routine, and it's just like that. It's like ASMR, too. Is there science behind the rubbing of the banana peel? None that I'm aware of. I didn't look into it. I don't know. Because, honestly, the cold water in the face thing, that's just an ice plunge. That's just an ice bath, but just for your face to tighten up your skin. Right.
See, I didn't even know that. Oh, yeah, well, that's what the cold water does. Hot water... Uh-oh, here we go. So, apparently, rubbing banana peels on face, it creates glowing skin, reduces wrinkles, acts as a moisturizer, hydrates the skin, helps in collagen production, treats acne, treats sun damage, and reduces under-eye dark circles. Also, by the way, what website is this from?
Yeah, this is just a photo we're seeing.
I'm good on rubbing a banana on my face. I mean, if it were to, like... Help? It is said to tighten sagging skin, brighten complexion, and reduce wrinkles.
I don't think it's impossible. I don't think that rubbing a banana on your face does nothing. I just wouldn't want to smell like a banana all day. I mean, I imagine because doesn't he do this and then he goes and works out and then showers and stuff and has a day? Oh, yeah, maybe. So it's not like he's just like, before I leave, rubbing a banana peel on his face. Yeah. Here's my thing.
Clearly, it's working for this guy. Good for him. Would you ever get Botox? No. No. Because society has not placed a standard on me as a man to get Botox. Because aging as a man is different from aging as a woman. What does the aging as a woman thing have to do with what you just said? Well, because there's more pressures on women. I feel I am blessed.
It doesn't make sense because, like, before, like... 800. I'll be really honest with you. It's hard for me to conceptualize things before the year 1900. Like, before 1900, it's like... This is an ancient relic. I mean, yeah. But, like, it's hard for me to realize that and conceptualize that. Now you're going another 1100 years prior. The year 800? That's a joke.
My male privilege has provided me with the opportunity to not feel a societal pressure in order to get Botox. No, I'm saying would you get it? No, I don't want to. Now I'm asking how those things are related. I was making a point. I was on my soapbox, babe. Yeah, I know you were up there. No, but seriously, I don't want to, but also there is because there is less pressure on me as a man to age.
So that is a real thing. I don't even, but I'm legitimately confused by what you're saying. What is confusing about what I'm saying? You're saying no, but your reasoning is like... No, because I don't want to. Right. Because I don't feel the pressure to have to look younger. Oh, oh, that's what you're saying. I was like, I don't know what you're saying. How are you not... Two and two.
Two and two, brother. Two, two, two, four. Frank, I asked you if you wanted Botox, and you started talking about women. Yeah, because of the societal standard and shit like that. I'm not even talking about that. I'm asking you.
And I don't want to. That I'm understanding. But when you started being like, well, there's pressure on women. And I'm like, you're a man. You saw how high I got up there? That was actually impressive, honestly. You sound like Elmo. I'm just, here's the thing. What if we get to 50,000 patrons? Will you get lip injections? No way. What about a BBL? A BBL? Will you get a BBL? Absolutely not.
Also, I heard that's a dangerous procedure. People have died. Really? Yeah. All right. What about this? You know, people get Botox in their pits so they don't sweat. Would you do that? No, because I don't really sweat much.
I think if I had a big issue, I would do it. Yeah, I mean, I know people, well, you don't sweat much? No, no, my pits. My pits don't sweat. Oh, yeah, your head sweats like crazy. Can you get Botox on your head to stop... See? I don't know. I would be afraid to, like, not have a moving head. You know? I knew a boy that got Botox and, like, he literally was just like, hey... Just like that.
Hey, if you found out, like if there was like legit signs to come out, there's like, yo, by the way, this banana peel thing is legit. You're going to start. Yeah. Why not? I eat bananas pretty regularly. So you just eat the banana and then just, just kind of bing, bing, bing. But I do like moisturizing. I don't like the feel that bananas leave on your hand. It's like this.
You know what I'm talking about? It's like, it's, it's a little, it's a little like slippery, but like grainy too. It stops. I don't know that I've had... I don't know what you mean by that. You know what I'm talking about, where, like, your hand, like, kind of, like, starts to glide, but, like, it's like... You know what I'm saying? I do. Thank you, Ant. I got you. Unbelievable.
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And who's keeping track of years at that point? There were people. Like scribes or something. Yeah, but I don't think they were just like, oh, welcome to year 801. I think they probably can like carbon date some of the things. No, they had calendars. The Mayan calendar was like old as hell. And the Mayan, amongst the Mayan people. Yeah.
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They have all the stuff there and you just cook it and you can keep the little card, make a little cookbook out of it and be like, Oh, I want to make that again.
it's a great way to get into cooking it's also a great way to learn about cooking to learn about new recipes a lot of the time for me personally that's like the hardest part about cooking is i only make the you know the only like four things so like it's nice to have a uh website where it's like oh here's like a cool recipe here's how to make it blah blah you get to keep that in your brain moving forward so
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Boom. So what I was going to say before, the thing that pisses me off about this, because it's clearly working for him, good for him, is now, like, all the companies that are, like, posting images and videos of their morning routine. Like McDonald's, it was like a bowl of McDonald's Sprite. And, like, they're...
Just like, it's just like it's... What would happen if you stuck your face into a bowl of McDonald's Sprite? I'm coming out looking like a fucking skeleton, like Creepshow. I feel like my hair on my face would turn orange. Do you think you could really tell the difference between McDonald's drinks and non-McDonald's drinks? Absolutely not. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to say yes. You?
No, no, no, but like a regular Coca-Cola and a Fountain McDonald's Coca-Cola. Fountain's different. Don't they also, they put like water in it. Well, yeah, because you'll see like the Fountain, they'll do like half of it will be like the syrup and the other half will be just seltzer. Is that what that is? Yeah.
If you look really closely, that's why on... I've seen a video of someone, like, separating them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, basically. That's why, like, also on a lot of soda machines, they have a button that's just seltzer water. You know, which... Crazy. I gotta tell you, one of the greatest inventions of the 21st modern century has been that big machine that has, like, hundreds of sodas in it.
Oh, the digital one? Where you're just like, I want Coke, and there's 80 different types of Coke, and it's just... But, like, who's... Who's having, like, peach Coca-Cola? You know what I'm saying? Is that a flavor? It's got to be up there. They have a bunch of those. Were you a vanilla Coke guy?
Oh, I think I've had vanilla Coke. What are the other Cokes that's been out? There was, like, Coke Twist. Black Cherry Coke. Or Pepsi Twist. Black Cherry Coke is the best. Black Cherry Coke is good. It's basically just Dr. Pepper. There was, like, lime or lemon. Um... Let's see. Oh, we're at the official Coca-Cola website. Cherry Coke. Yeah. I don't think I've ever had that. Coke Vanilla.
I don't think they were like, in Scotland, they were like, what are the Mayans saying? So you're saying no one was keeping track of the days? Of course they had people. I'm sure they were, but they probably were all scattershot. They were probably like... over here was one day, over there was another, so they've had to kind of try to loop it all together.
Disgusting. Get it out. I'll kill someone. Zero sugar. Come on. That's it?
Yeah, look up the big magic machine. but like I was just a classic Coca-Cola guy when they started throwing like lemon and like fucking you know stuff in there you know what I hate with the Tostitos chips that have like a lime zest gross you know what's the grossest chip I've ever had they used to make they were like guacamole flavored ones Tostitos? Yeah. They made a guacamole chip?
I am gasped. Gasped? I don't know if that's... I am aghast. You are aghast? Aghastly. Don't make this about Pokemon. I'm sorry. It's always about Pokemon with me. We just got back from Europe two days ago, I think. Yeah. Why are you saying that? Really, like a day and a half ago. Yeah, I don't know. By the way, what time did you walk into your place? I don't know. What time did we land?
They were disgusting. Look at all those sodas, dude. Pib. Pib is just... So we have, okay, so cream soda Coca-Cola. Joey would probably fucking cum in his pants for that. Oh, there is a peach.
What is tropical Coke? What is tropical Coke? All right. They're not even trying to hide it. They're trying to kill us. Orange Coca-Cola? Is it orange soda? Yeah, what are we doing here? Why not just go with the classic Fanta? Or what was the other one? Crush. Crush. Dude, Slice. Remember Slice? Slice! Slice was a good one. I liked Slice better. Yeah, I don't know. So, all right, go back.
All right, go back again. I hate Slice.
All right, so, Joey, you're going to the movies, because this is where I've seen this most recently. I haven't seen this at, like, a restaurant or anything. You're going to the movies. First of all... I'm not getting soda. Give me... Can you just for fucking two seconds play around? What I'm telling you is that... Play around, Joey. What I'm telling you is that I'm getting a slushie. Disgusting.
What? Because those are the airy slushies. Those aren't the good ones. You want the slush puppy. You gotta let it melt a little bit before you go crazy. You don't want the slushie icy ones. No, I don't mind that. You've got to let it β I don't know. Whatever. All right. So you can't get that because the machine is broken, and I would shoot you in the back of the head.
Which one of these am I getting? So you order β first of all, you go to the front. You get pretzel nuggets. Duh. And you get a popcorn. And knowing you, you'll get like β Snow caps or something. Snow caps? What am I, already dead? My grandma loved those. All right. You'll get cookie dough bites. Cookie dough bites.
Or Mike and Ike's. Or Mike and Ike's or peanut M&M's. Peanut M&M's. Yeah. All right. Honestly. So now you have your salty, you have your sweet. What are you getting for soda? You're going to this machine. You got to press one of these machines. Let me see. Scroll down a little bit. What do we got here? I'm going Coca-Cola. What the fuck is Mellow Yellow? They call me Mellow Yellow.
It's basically Mountain Dew. Yo, Minute Maid Lemonade, the ice pops are good. Yo, Minute Maid Lemonade is more sugar than I think sugar is sugar. Does that make sense? I've never tasted something so sweet. I think, all right, I'm going to guess. You already know what I'm going to guess. I'm going to guess here. This is easy, Frank. I'm going to guess here. It's easy.
I'm going to give three answers. There's only one and you know it. Scroll down then, please. I'm going to say it's going to be, you said you're not getting soda? No, I mean, if you're making me get soda, I'll get soda. I'm making you get soda. Scroll up. I think Joey is going with a Barks. Yeah, I am. I knew it! I'm getting that root beer. He's getting that Barks root beer. Scroll up, I said. Now.
I don't even know what you're trying to say. Are you saying, like, the years are completely off? I'm saying they might have been off, like, the way that they had kept time and, like, tracked it. But, like, now because of, like, oh, this happened. They say this happened in this year and this happened in this year, so it probably happened in this year. And they can use carbon dating.
Oh. You just want to look at the logo? Yeah, I'm getting a root beer. But they have, like, different flavor, like, vanilla root beer. I'm getting, like, classic root beer. If I'm not going with Coca-Cola, and I decide to be a little playful and fun and naughty, what one do you think am I going with?
Would you get a Dr. Pepper?
Not naughty enough for me. I need something filthy. Oh, you'd get a high C. I might.
I might get a high C. I've watched you get a high C. A fruit punch, baby. That straight red 40 into my veins. Yeah. What the hell is pineapple high C? I don't know, but that sounds delicious. I love pineapple stuff. I will say this. I don't like pineapples. Yeah, vanilla high C is crazy.
Oh, I love pineapples. I don't like love them, but I love pineapple flavored things. See, that's so funny you say that because that's how I am with bananas. I love bananas. I don't like banana-flavored things at all. Same with orange. Actually, orange is the exception. I love oranges, and I often like orange-flavored things. Or green apples. Oh, man. You get me going.
I love a good green apple, a nice little tart, you know, and crisp and refreshing. But the moment you have green apple flavored something, I'm going to take my head and I'm going to put it into a lawnmower and I'm going to have it going full speed. You hate green apple. I know that you absolutely hate that.
I just don't like it. But, yeah, I think you're right. I think I'm going high C, high C fruit punch. I've gotten a high C at like a Subway before. Eat fresh. I do like Sprite a lot. I haven't had a Sprite. Strawberry Sprite probably fucking kills me. Yeah. What is lemonade Sprite? Strawberry shit is so good. Yeah, but it's not, again, this is America. None of this is actual strawberry flavoring.
It's just chemicals. It's like made of like, yeah, dude, duh. But like you go to other, bro, did you ever see when we were in London, we stopped at like a convenience store. Have you ever seen what like real bottled lemonade looks like and what American bottled lemonade looks like?
no dude look up England like London bottled lemonade or any other country for ours is like yellow or like opaque and theirs is like clear because that's that's what it is like it is it is ours is just sugar water lemonade and like they're selling lemon water is that what you mean no no no no like real lemonade is not See, that looks opaque to me, Chief. No, no, no.
I think that you're just trying to, like, make yourself understand it. So you're like, there's no way they got it right. Yeah. Which is not fair. Before 1900, everyone was stupid, in my opinion. Like, there were no smart people. How many are there now? Good amount. You know, us. Well, well, what? That was a hot start. Us. I think there are smart people.
That's not the one I was talking about. I guess we're not going to be able to. It's going to be too niche to find, so it's not even worth looking up. Gotcha. But, yeah, dude. Everything here is just fucking dumpster fuel. Second time. Got them. Second time what? The Americans are poisoning us. Oh, yeah. Which is happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're getting poisoned for sure. Yeah, it's all right.
It's fine. We'll have a fun time while we're doing it. Yeah. We'll eat our... Just rub a banana on your face and you'll be good. We were told that people, when they go to America, it's like they want to try the American fast food. Which is interesting. I feel like that would be the last thing that I would want to try. Bro, when we were at...
the hotel in dublin we asked the concierge like oh like what what should we try and he was like oh spice bag uh blah blah blah and he's like also you need to try irish burger king we were like what he's like yeah it's like incredible like huh burger king i don't know didn't make any sense dude dublin also like i i've when i was there
And then getting home, like, I've, like, been seeing shit on TikTok. It's, like, a very underrated city for food. Yeah. Like, they have mad good food. All the food we had there was great. I tried my best to just get as much, like, traditional Irish food as I could.
You know, stews and pies and... Big fat pie. Oh, my God. That shepherd's pie I had was crazy. What's up?
We went to like a really nice Korean barbecue place. That was good. Yeah, that was good. And then we had like two or three times like Lebanese because everything close. Lebanese food was great. When we were there, it was like stuff legitimately was not open to eat past like 930. Yeah. So the options were super limited.
The shows are tough because it's like you have to order shit to the green room and you can't really find anywhere to eat afterwards. Yeah. You can do it in the States because things are open later, but... I will say that salad that we had before one of that London shows was... Nuts. I'm not even kidding. One of the best salads I've had in my entire life. It was unbelievable.
I don't even remember the name of where it was, but it was a big fatty. Yeah. Well... It was. And it had a lot of shit in it.
Fantastic. Goat cheese. Hell yeah. Ugh. Dublin. That's where we had the good cheeses. Yo, I couldn't believe, I could not believe how good these cheeses were. I ate maybe a pound and a half of cheese before I went on to stage. Like, not, bro, I couldn't, I had to remove myself because I was sitting right next to the cheese.
I had to remove myself because I was like, I'm going to eat this whole thing. It's like, I got to get out of here. I had to remove myself. The cheese was so good. I forget whose idea it was to put a charcuterie on the rider, but that was such a good idea. I think it was like you and I were just like, let's ask them for charcuteries. So good. Unbelievable stuff. Cheese, man.
Anyway, just want to say this is our first episode that we're recording after we got back from Europe. Honestly, super crazy to, uh, you know, kind of do that. I know for me, when I like walked through my door and then I was like going to sleep that night, I was like, what the hell did we just do? Like that is, it was so crazy to, uh, I don't know.
I think even now, if we're going to do a show or something, it's still scary to be like, oh, do people still care? Or are they going to show up? Or they bought tickets so long ago. Do they remember that the show is tonight? And then going there and getting such crazy support. And it was just like...
But like you've never thought of like if you were put in like the Wild West, you wouldn't like rule the town because of how smart you are. We just talked about this. Oh, like today if you put me in the Wild West? Yeah, if you time-traveled back to the Wild West. Or like the medieval times, dude. No way, Frank. Are you insane? You in the medieval times.
in every city there were people who were recognizing us and being super nice to us um everyone at the guinness factory was like super nice to us too like it was just it was just a wild feeling and i and it's it's one thing for it to happen where you're from but then to have it happen in a completely different sort of area and then also driving through towns that are not
you know, giant cities or whatever, and then people recognizing you there, kind of, that was also weird, it's like, I don't know, it just, it kind of put everything into perspective of how out of control and big this thing has gotten, you know, I guess with the help of the internet, because everyone has access to that, but yeah, I just wanted to say, you know, it's, it was really cool, you know, getting all that support from people, and all the crowds were, you know, super nice, and
Yeah, everyone was just super fucking cool. It's hard to even imagine or not imagine. It's hard to put into words of, you know, what that felt like. It's a crazy feeling, honestly. And I just wanted to say thanks. It was really cool. But. I got nothing to add. Nothing to add. All right. And, yeah, just wanted to say thanks, and that is all. You guys can go follow Frank, the Frank Alvarez.
Everywhere. You know where to find us. You know where he is. You go check it out. And, guys, go follow the show at The Basement Yard. And like Frank was saying earlier, if you're going to sign up for the Patreon, do it through, like, a website, not on your phone, because there's, like, a 30% thing. Not through an app. You can go to the browser on your phone. Ah, okay. Okay.
So, yeah, do that and then download the app after that. But, yeah, so that's all, and we'll see you guys next time. Bye.
Well, you're just the smartest guy in the world. What are you going to do? Dude, these people fight each other with swords. What are you going to do in that situation? I mean, you give me some time. I think I'd be... Also, they had poison back then. People were getting poisoned. Well, because they had food testers. Right. So they'd be like, you know, chew my food. They don't die. I'm good.
You know? Also, I prepare my own food. How do you plan on taking over the town in a medieval village? Well, you have to be a good fighter. I would bring a lighter with me. You would bring a lighter? I'd bring a lighter with me. Oh, so you're walking into a time machine. So, yes, that's what I just said. Like, you're a time machine displaced. Okay. And I'd bring some stuff with me.
I'd bring a lighter. Yeah. I would bring... They'd probably kill you as a witch immediately if you showed that. No, because I'd be like, yo, you're crazy. I'm hexing all of you guys. Watch this. Fire from my hand. Yeah, but you can't hurt anyone with a lighter. Yes, I can. How? I'd burn them. If I have a sword and you have a lighter, I'm cutting your head off. I don't think. You don't think that?
I don't think so. You're like, oh, I have a lighter. I could just. Oh, a bow and arrow. You didn't even ask me what else I was bringing. I'm bringing a handgun with a good amount of ammo. With a good amount of ammo. But you don't have a handgun. I'll go get one. If I know, like, oh, tomorrow I'm going on this time machine, I'm bringing a handgun with me. Okay.
You know, and I'll bring a backpack filled with ammo, a couple lighters. So you're just going back to Ray's hell. Yeah. Okay, good.
they'd be like yo oh yeah bang now what i wouldn't even want to take over of the like if i had a time machine i don't think i would go back to like medieval times or oh i wouldn't either but if i had to if you would you rather go in the past or in the future past but where would you go um So here's the question. There's so many questions I have right now.
Well, there's one question that came from the question person, the question asker, and then you're supposed to give an answer. I have questions that will dictate my answer. Am I in my current form and is my at-the-time version of me there? Or is it just like I will take the version of whatever time I am in?
So, like, am I going to β I mean, if you go back to third grade, you're not going to look like this. Okay, so that's my question. Oh, your brain will be in your body. So you would go back in your timeline? Yeah, I would do that 100%. 100 million percent.
you wouldn't do that at all go back to like when i was like 16 yeah i mean 16 6 uh whatever you want you can 20 you know like last week you could go back you know like it doesn't matter but like right but you could also go like way back and like i don't know yeah but then i'm just like a normal person in like the 1930s what is cool about that so why why would you so where would you go
I'd like to hang as myself, like, as like a six-year-old, you know? You want to put your 33-year-old brain into a six-year-old? Yeah. And then do what? Have a really fun time. All your friends are six, Frank. This is weird. No, I don't care about hanging out with other people. So what are you going to do? You're not even allowed out. I'm going to play with my toys.
Like 4.30 or something? No, we landed at like 3.20. Oh, then I probably got home. I got home in an hour and 10 minutes. That's not too bad. Yeah, we're back. The boys are back. We had a really successful... The boys are back in town.
what do you mean you're gonna take your brain put it in a six-year-old so that you have a bedtime and then and then you're gonna play with your toys i would like to do that yes i have all my toys play with the toys but you won't even have the nostalgic effect like you're you're you're i would be like i remember this these are like yeah because i still have my current day brain oh you want to live deja vu just like live for like a couple days not not too long okay you know and then i would tell my parents like first of all dad come home right let's talk
There's this thing that's coming out called Google, called Apple. Oh, Apple had been out at that point. So was Google. When we were six? I think so, right? Say Google, Amazon, Apple. Bitcoin.
Well, that's in the future. I would tell them about that too. I would tell them that above anything. I would say all of those. Amazon, Google, Apple, Bitcoin. Okay.
uber maybe because uber blew up i would say put money into those things as soon as you can don't fuck around do you think don't fuck around this is coming from the body of a six-year-old by the way yeah i think my dad would not take me seriously i don't think anybody would you think your mom would be like yes six-year-old i'm gonna and i'll be like i can tell you things about yourself that you don't know that i know yet
So I'll fuck with her. But you can make that up, yo. A six-year-old could say that to you. Like, your daughter could be likeβ No, but, like, it would be real. It would beβI'm not saying, like, in the future. But, like, at that time, be like, by the way, I know what's currently going on with you. I know you haven't told us, but, like, I'm showing you I'm wise beyond my years here.
You've watched a lot of movies. I have. Too many. I love how that'sβthat your plan is to play with your toys when you're six years old. That'sβ
Yeah, you could do that now. No, it's weird if I do it now.
I mean, you'd still be you now in a body of a six-year-old.
And then I would tell myself. Are you in school at six? Yeah, right? Yeah, you're in first grade. And then I would tell myself. Damn, maybe I missed DeFilippi's class. Yeah, it was last name out there now. I would also tell myself, or my parents, I would say, like, go buy as many Pokemon cards as you can. Go buy as many, like, inbox Pokemon games.
You realize you probably did say this at six, and they didn't do it. I can't. They did not do it. They were like, okay. I would just like β I would really β like I'd come out a bajillionaire. Yeah. I would. How old β so this is 1998 you're saying you go back to? Yeah. I think we would do pretty well for ourselves.
I mean I would definitely tell my parents and stuff like in three years stay out of Manhattan.
Yeah, that one I would probably β I mean your parents weren't in Manhattan. True. But I would say spread the word about the island.
I'll be honest with you. First of all, I'm not going back to 1998. If I had a time machine. Oh, let me guess. Let me guess. You're going back to 2013. So you could see 21-year-old Joe and just be like, hey, stop shaving your head. Let's talk about the future. Also, Young and Restless is not a good clothing brand investment right now. You should probably stop wearing it so much. Reckless.
Did I say Restless? Yeah. It's a soap opera. That's a soap opera? The Young and the Restless, yeah. Do you watch soap operas?
I was going to say that's bananas. I wouldn't go back in my life. I would go way behind that. To do what? See what it was like. I mean, you can read about what it was like. Why do you need to see it? Frank, you already lived this. You can just remember it. But I forgot it. Your fault. And I'm setting myself up for the future.
So are you going to be like, hey, young Warren Buffett, let's talk about who I am to you and how I can, once I'm born in 1992, how we can work together. No. I think if I had the choice to be like, you can go back to any time in life and experience that for a certain amount of whatever, like I wouldn't pick shit I've already experienced. Why would I do that? Crazy.
Because you want to re-experience it, re-solidify the memory in your brain, the feeling, so you could pass that along to future generations, whether they be your children, your grandchildren, or whatever. Instilling.
That sense of love and playfulness and childlike wonder, remembering what that is, reconnecting with your roots, and then give that to the next generation in order for them to maintain that is something that is wildly valuable. You don't think you can do that without a time machine? You can remember everything. You remember your childhood. I remember a lot, but there's a lot I don't.
Frank, you remember everything. I remember a lot. Yeah. But there's a lot that I don't remember. And that's okay. I just think that it is exceptionally more important. Back at a time, by the way, when companies were way more playful with their marketing and stuff, there is a way to go back. Maybe I go back and I buy some green ketchup. Maybe I go back... And, you know, talk to Robert Downey Jr.
And I give him the push to accept the Iron Man role. Maybe I go back. And I lend a helping hand to a young Christopher Reeve before he rode on that horse. You know, just do as much good as I can. These are all before you were born, no? Christopher Reeve, I think that happened in like 95. Oh, so when you were three years old, you're going to help him off the horse.
Yeah. So what Joe is referencing is while we were in Europe, we had several shows in three different countries. First stop was in Glasgow. Glasgow, Scotland. Scotland, Scotland, Scotland. Yeah. You know. And then we went right over London. Fucking. Down it. Fuck off. Yeah. And then. We had three shows there. Had a great time there. And then we ended up in Dublin, Ireland. Yeah.
Welcome back to the bas- Welcome back to the basement yard.
Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard. How's it going, Frank? Why are you cracking your knuckles? I've learned how to crack my forearm. Go ahead. I just did it. Oh. Are you you crack a lot you cracky guy you cracky? Yeah, will you crack? Okay? Will you get you go? Do you do a whole crack in one one go?
And they'll just be like, it'll be like a mop hit. And he's just like, Please don't shoot me.
I never said that. And you're the most eclectic.
Because that would be awesome. Criminal podcasters. I know two guys. With Joe Pesci.
Not good? Not good. All right, I'm sorry. But, no, it's like a mafia movie, but in Hawaii, and The Rock is like a Hawaiian organized crime boss. Leonardo DiCaprio. There's going to be explosions and guns in that one. I don't know about explosions. Bro, if The Rock is in the movie, things are exploding. That's just a fact. There's no not explosions. I'm just saying this.
I would say that if you continue to crack... Well, no, they debunked that.
Listen, Dwayne, Mr. DJ is what they call him. DJ. Well, I'm not in on it. I'm not like that yet. That's true. I'm not in. You are. You guys are on a first name basis. I think mine expired. I haven't seen it in years. You still got his number? I never had his number. You still got his email? Probably. Let's hit him up. All I'm going to say is we're giving you this first piece for free, Dwayne, okay?
Who's got a more expensive outfit on? You.
Every movie you're in, you need to rock bottom someone. It's done. It's like Tarantino would feet. Yeah. It's like. And the N word, apparently. Well, I don't like that. Why would you say that? I don't like that one, though. I'm just saying.
Has it? Yeah, where they were just like, it's going to give you arthritis. And like, no, you're just popping little, like they're like little pockets of osteoporosis or something like that. Osteoporosis is your bones like whittling away. Yeah, no, no, no. But like there's something in, there's a fluid in your things that you're popping. Can you crack anything? Crack me up.
And he used to... He had a yard at his old house. And he would bring him outside. And he would have to keep him there. Just to show all the animals, like, the dog's coming. And they'd run into the fucking bushes. Dude. Because he used to go in the backyard and he would murder rabbits.
What was his name? The fat dude.
Hitchcock with being in little cameos in his movie, you know. Oh, M. Night Shyamalan also. M. Night Shyamalan with he also cameos in his movies. You know, what else? What other director trademarks are there? Sam Raimi, he likes eyes. Just make your own, like, this is my thing, that no matter what movie you're in, someone has to get rock-bottomed. It could be like The Fault in Our Stars 3.
It was an interesting ride in. Now, me and Frank took different flights. We met in Denver, and then we took a plane from Denver to Palm Springs. I've never been to Palm Springs. It's in the middle of the desert.
The stars are also at fault. Yeah. And then you rock-bottom a star. A planet.
White as hell. Now that I'm thinking about it, the only two black people I saw the entire trip were on our set. No one in the airport. No one in the town.
Yeah. So, hey, you know.
No, no, no, no. Have you ever seen A Walk to Remember? Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's Mandy Moore. And the other guy who's, who's walking and remembering with Mandy Moore. They're both walking. One of them is remembering. The only thing I remember is like, she had like a list of things she wanted to do. Cute. And she was like, I want to be in two places at one time.
I had no clue of any of that.
And then he like drove her somewhere. And then he like brought her here and he's like, stand here, stand there. It's like, this is the state lines. You're in two places at one time. And I was like, yo, that is so fire. Oh, really? Yeah, I was like, that is... I mean, what else would she have meant? I think that she just meant like... That's the only answer. See, that's the thing.
It was like two hours from there. And then when we're descending, flight was like normal for the most part. Then we're like descending into Palm Springs. And the captain's like, we're going to have the flight attendants sit down because it's going to get a little choppy.
I don't like that because there's no other answer. I want to be in two places at the same time. Well, you can't, Mandy Moore. Well, I think it was also like... There's one very literal thing and you could have done it...
decades ago if you've wanted to i think that she meant she was like you know like on this list i don't know i don't remember the rest of the movie i think she goes down i don't know well the walk was so memorable that they you know i mean what makes it more memorable the only thing that you can do when someone dies is remember so i know i tend to stay away from like movies like that where it's just like you know like they fall in love and it's like
Someone's sick. Someone's sick, and then it's just like, you know what's going to happen, you know? Yeah, what's going to happen is I'm going to cry on my couch. I don't like putting myself in those predicaments. I cried recently. Why was I crying? I saw something, and I was like, ah, damn it. Shit got me so bad. Oh, I was on a plane. Oh, you were watching a movie.
Not only that, but like weirdly doing stuff like this. Yep. It was like that. And I'm like, I keep seeing the sky and then the floor and then the sky and then the floor.
You were watching... Yo, I was sitting next to this guy on the plane. Oh, you hide the cry from the guy? Of course I was hiding the cry from the guy. Well, he was also asleep. He was an old fucker. Yo, and he wouldn't shut the fuck up. We had a flight attendant and she looked like she was like 23, like pretty girl. And he just wouldn't stop leaving her alone. This guy would not leave her alone.
Dude, Frankie, I'm like, it starts going and like there was like bumps and stuff and it's for like five minutes. I'm like, all right, whatever. Like, you know, you kind of get through patches of turbulence like that, but it was turbulent. Is that the word? That's a great word. For like 20, 25 minutes, something like that. And it got just progressively worse until like the last minute.
I guess that doesn't line up. Crack yourself up. Anything. Try to crack your neck. Don't be scared. I'm terrified. Why? Because I could die? No, you can't. You physically can't crack your neck to kill yourself. Frank, if I wanted to crack my own neck, I absolutely could. No, I don't think it's like... Bro, I could crap my... You can? You probably have. I could crap my pants after I crack my neck.
Bro, old people, no one wants to talk to you. It's honestly true. And like, I love how they do it because they're just like... I'm gonna be so nice and like, she's gonna show me attention. Dude. And he was like, how many flights have you been on today? And she's like, oh, this is my fourth. Four? He's like, oh, you must be real tired. I'm like, you can't say that. It's just bad.
half a minute i was and then we hit the ground but like we uh we start going through like a lot of turbulence and i'm like oh frank's probably freaking out and i look up i look over at frank he's sitting right next to me and i was because i was looking out the window and i was like i just want to know if it's gonna happen um but then i turn around i look at frank and he's just like this
Nothing's gonna come of it. Leave these poor fucking women alone. Please, old people. Old men. Leave us. I'm not an old woman. Just leave them alone, dude. They don't want to talk to you. Yeah, dude. And then he was going off and he was like...
Damn, RIP. What's his son's name? Yo, let's get his fucking son in here.
breaking bad blasting in his ears, holding his phone, not watching and just doing this.
he goes oh you know i travel all the time like i travel all the time whoa dude it gets way worse so then he says to her um he was like keeping up the conversation you could tell that she didn't want to be in it she was like giving short answers and stuff and she was going oh wow like stuff like that like oh wow that's crazy she uh so he kept going like oh i travel all the time he goes i sometimes i go to qatar just on a pin that's what he said wow i was like first of all that expression is wrong
Do it. Do the accent. I'm not doing that impression. Do the accent.
On a pin. On a pin. I go to Qatar on a pin. Drop of a dime is what I think he meant. He was like, yeah, the drop of a pin or some shit. That also doesn't make sense. Drop of a dime, whatever the fuck. You're dropping something, and then you're in Qatar. So he was saying that, and he's like, yeah, I'd do that. He's like, they don't even give me a big heads up. I just get on the plane or whatever.
And this was a flight from D.C. to New York, so it was short. It was like 40 minutes. So he was like, this is nothing. This is obvious.
no I think she said that she goes oh wow so like this flight is probably nothing he goes honestly going to London is like going to the grocery store and I was like how do I kick open the window to get out of this oh yeah I literally wanted to just be like bang see ya crawl through the little window and jump into the engine gotcha yeah that's pretty bad how do I get out of this conversation it was driving me crazy
That's what you do in your head? Sometimes. I've done that, like, when I first started flying, like, pretty consistently. Or not even, like... This was, like, eight years ago when I was, like, getting on planes. I would sit aisle and I would be like, I'm on a bus.
I love how, now, I, you know, as teenagers you do that because you have no sense of how to fucking talk to people because life is awkward. As an old dumb idiot, if I'm doing that, if I'm just like, you know how sick I am? I take flights and they don't feel long. You suck the ultimate way. If I was her, I would have turned around and been like,
Ladies and gentlemen, there is a man on the plane who doesn't care about long flights. It's very easy for him. Let's give him a round of applause. Oh, I would have picked up that phone and I would have said, ladies and gentlemen, there's a man in row 28 seat B that has a gun. Go kill him. Get him the fuck off of this plane. Because that is so annoying.
Come on. Eclectic man. Do the impression.
It was annoying for me, and I wasn't even involved. I really don't... I just don't want to talk to... Sometimes watching people flirt is real tough. It's brutal. Because it's like, bro, what are you hoping to get out of this conversation? She's 23.
And it was like one thing if like, if there's like old people that are, that are super nice and actually having a conversation and asking questions and blah, blah, blah. Like you can tell this dude though was just giving like. Bro, if I heard him say going to London is basically like going to the grocery store, I would have cocked back and sent my foot through his chest so goddamn hard.
I wanted to cock back and send my head through the window. I really thought about it. You should have. What I started thinking about actually, because that was an actual thought that popped in my head, I was like, how hard would it be for me to kick this thing out, honestly? Do you think you could break it?
I thought about that, too, because when you're going through, or if it's raining and you get close to the ground and you're going through a cloud, the lights from the plane just make you look like you're going way faster than you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I knew. As that was happening, I'm looking at it. I was like, oh, God, that's even creeping me out.
Because there's like a plastic thing, and then the actual thing, I'm getting through the plastic. So if it can withstand the air pressure, you think your fucking chicken legs are going through it, Joey? This thing is made to fly 500 miles per hour at 30,000 feet. You think one guy that lifts one time a week is going to put his foot through it? Frank, we're up to three, four nowadays.
I look over at Frankie, and I didn't see him looking, but I saw him turn his head back, and I was like, I really hope he didn't see that.
No, I think I saw something once and it was like, you can't, to yourself, exert the amount of force needed to snap your neck to kill you. Not with that attitude. Which, I'll be really honest with you, That's a sick way to go out. Cracking your own neck? If someone were like, that's cool, dude. Whenever I watch movies of someone getting their neck cracked or snapped. It snapped, right? Yes.
Squats one time a week. If that. No. Yeah, I don't. No. I'll tell you this. When I have sat window and I see that little pinhole at the bottom, I freak out because I'm like, I know it's meant to be there, but it doesn't seem like it's supposed to be there. Do you know it's a myth that if you just like open the exit window, no one's getting sucked out? It's not a thing. Are you sure? Yeah.
Why not? Because of the pressure. They adjust the pressure. It's pressurized. No. There was also a video recently where the fucking exit door blew open, and people were sitting there in their seats, like, fighting the wind. Do me a favor. Yeah. Stop with these scary plane story talks, dude. Please stop. It was a very famous story. I know, I know, I know. I don't need to be reminded of it. Don't.
There's dirt in my eyes. I'm eating it. I could feel it between my teeth. And then we get in our Uber and the guy, I think, didn't he say something like he didn't know where we were going? And I was like, dude. Something like that. Whatever. But he was awesome. Shout out to Dan. He's not watching.
Don't. Don't. Look up if it's an actual video. No, no, no. Please. All right. Go ahead. I'm going to close my eyes and just don't talk. No, not the video. Just give each other, like, nods.
he uh so he we start driving and i just have my head down we have a 40 minute drive now we've been traveling all day yeah it's a 12 hour fucking travel day we have like a 50 minute drive to where our airbnb is and uh we're in the car and i just have my head down i'm just like looking and i just hear frank go oh whoa whoa whoa so i look up and i look out the window and
Bro, think about people who are skydiving. Let me be very honest with you. I think about every possibility. Frank, think about army planes. Yeah, they're at 10,000 feet. They're at 10,000 feet when they skydive. What's the difference? You're going the same speed. There is a difference at going 35,000 feet up, Joey.
And I can't see anything because we are in a sandstorm.
It's extremely unlikely, and planes are designed to prevent this from happening, though it has happened in rare cases. Rare cases. Joey, there's a difference pressure-wise at 10,000 feet and 30,000 feet, dude. I'm sure there is. But it doesn't happen. Unless in rare cases. What will actually happen is everyone's going to get really cold because it's cold up there. It's chilly up there.
Hands over there going. Not the banging.
Jakku you know yeah sandstorm yeah it was kind of wild and then the guy even said so we were asking about him because it was so windy we were like is it normally windy like this he's like yeah it gets windy sometimes and whatever then we're kind of talking about the weather um it gets real hot or whatever the fuck so I'm like okay this guy's like spent some time out here he's a professional driver like whatever
I love when you click the interactive map and it tells you and it's like outside it's negative 54 degrees and I'm just like, ooh, it's chilly. You know, it's such a stupid thing to put on a plane because like, I don't care. Like, what am I going to do with that? You know? The temperature? Or like the tailwinds. Like, dude, I'm not flying this thing. What do I care about the tailwinds?
And we're driving and we're in the middle of the sandstorm. And I'm like, holy shit, dude, we can't see anything out the front of the windshield. And he just goes, guys, this isn't good. And I'm like, I don't want to hear that.
Well, they like to be as transparent as possible. I appreciate that. Bro, you want to be transparent?
What about? Because they don't feel like it. How would you feel if you got on a plane and it was see-through? Like, it was like you could see the floor. We do have ads, and I'm going to get to that. I'm going to get to that because I have a strong feeling about that for sure. We're going to start off with Squarespace here. Squarespace is going to help you build your website.
I was like, yo, if we hit a rattlesnake in the road, we're going flying.
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That was the first time I've had a charcuterie board at midnight.
Anything that we create, any landing page or any website, we use Squarespace for it. I don't... at this point I couldn't even name another platform that does it better than them, nor that even does it at this point. That's how bought in I am on Squarespace. So for anyone out there that is a business owner or, you know, selling something on the internet,
It was an awesome experience. We had so much fun on that shoot. Those people were so fucking cool.
I was like, yeah, when is this shit going to stop?
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Those are. I only know them from Caddyshack. That's right. And that was a fake one, but I imagine they're similar size.
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I'm like, that can't be real. No, it is. They're like severing something. They're just like turning their head real fast. I think they're like severing something that like, it's like if you sever that part of the spine or something, you were dead. Like period. I will tell you this, these people that go to those chiropractors, And they're just like inches from death. Dude, I could not.
Yeah, they got them. But yo, so those are the ones, I'm assuming they call them gophers because they do burrowing too, because we saw those holes.
uh we also have better help better help we know that all right they're a sponsor all the time but it is uh online therapy you can talk to a therapist in just under 48 hours so they'll connect you very quickly they also make it very seamless to jump from therapist to therapist to find the right fit for you because that is a very important part of the onboarding process you need someone that you feel like you vibe with and you can talk to that understands you and kind of gets it because
You're not going to open up to someone, and you're not going to get the most out of therapy if you feel like you're talking to someone that doesn't understand you or just kind of like, eh, we're on different pages here. So that's an important part, but they make it very easy to jump from therapist to therapist so that you can find the right fit.
Yeah. We drove like. And the shoot was like not. It was like very like decently far into the backyard. So like we're in the den. Yeah. It was also that collection of rocks. I was like, dude, I don't like that. Yeah. That was a community. That was a nest.
They have a bunch of therapists that specialize in certain things, so whether you're going through relationship trouble or... you know, depression or anxiety or anything like that, any childhood trauma or something. There are therapists that specialize in those specific things, so maybe that would be the right fit for you. And it's also more affordable than in-person therapy, so...
It's for your bircher?
You can save some money on top of that when you visit betterhelp.com slash basemanyard. You will save 10% off of your first month, okay? That is betterhelp, spelled B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P, dot com slash basemanyard to save 10% off of your first month. You're welcome. And while you're at it, why don't you go to check out the Patreon, patreon.com slash TheBasementYard.
You know I didn't say that.
We love telling you folks about it, and it's a great way to support us directly. So go over to patreon.com slash TheBasementYard, and we give you a little bit of incentive in order to join. You join that first tier, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And that second tier, you get exclusive episodes.
70 pounds. No, 70 to 115 pounds.
that are just for your eyes only, and all the other paid patrons, every Friday morning at 7 a.m. So you can start and end your week with The Basement Yard. And guess what? If you join that second tier, you get access to all the previous episodes. There's hundreds, if not thousands of hours on there for you to check out. It's well worth it, if you ask me. But who am I? Who am I to tell you?
Yeah, we're not fucking with wolves.
Coyote, I'm fucking beating the hell out of. But a wolf? A Mexican wolf? What the fuck is that? I don't know. There's so many jokes to be made that we're not going to do. I know, we're not going to touch them. We're just not going to.
I'm one of the people on it. Go check it out, patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. We are so appreciative of over 33,000 patrons that have continued to support us, and we are excited to keep that train moving, okay? The train kept going all night long, and we want to keep going. Choo-choo, choo-choo, as Ant was just doing behind the camera. So, patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Thank you, folks.
I was like, don't fucking say a word. But yeah. Gray wolf. Really quick, it looked like gay wolf. And I was like, whoa.
We'll see you later. All right. I asked you a question.
Would you fly in a plane if it was see-through, whether it be the walls and the floor or just the floor? I would only do that if I was flying to, like, Toronto. Like a short flight. Yeah. Like not a long. I think after a while I'm going to psych myself out and go nuts and be very scared. Bro, I wouldn't be able to walk. I didn't even think about walking. Bro.
Cause you have to like, it's like that thing you ever been to like a fun house and it's like you go in the tunnel and the light, there's like a light tube that's moving, but you're not moving. But like for some reason your brain is convinced that you are. So like you feel like you're going like this and you like freak out and drop. That's what I would feel like it is. Yes and no.
Really? If a coyote latched onto my neck... As long as I'm not gushing blood, I'm going to still be like, I'm nice. I'm nice.
You're a good boy. Remind me.
I think that all planes should have access to like a cockpit camera like i want to see i don't want to see what's going on in there what i like that i love watching videos of like in the cockpit planes landing that's so cool what if and we're giving big plane big ideas right now so these are all copywritten and they're watching and they're watching always trademark copyright that's how it works
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What if planes had like a special room that like you can go sit in for like five minutes and it's like, you know how in like Star Wars, the Millennium Falcon has like a turret?
And shoot birds? Well, no, you're not shooting anything. I know, I know. It's just like you're sitting on a swivel chair, and it's like a dome bubble, and you could just like see. Would you do that? You wouldn't do that. Oh, no, I wouldn't. No. Because I would, while I'm going down there, tighten the nuts and bolts. I wouldn't be able to do it. But would you? I think that would be cool for takeoff.
I could not because you're asking. You're putting yourself right there, right there on the cusp of death. You and death could kiss and you could taste the metal in its mouth. And you're just not, you're just, you're not dying. I see those videos and it's like, sometimes he puts this, he puts like a towel over your neck and head. And it just, bro pulls it. I'm like, you're going to pop my head off.
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Or what if? I'm just having all these great ideas. Let me ask you a question. Well, let me have my thing first. I think I know the answer anyway. The answer is no. I know that. If you're asking what I'm going to do on a plane, I'm going to sit there and not move. That's not what I was going to ask. But what if they had like a little contraption? It's like a slide.
Use that code basement for a special offer and get that free digital scale. And again, no long-term commitments or contracts or anything like that. So you're good. Uh, we also have Harry's. Okay. Harry's they make razors. Uh, recently, um, I, I've like, I've had a razor that I've used, uh, for travel only. I just have it in my, um, torture bag. Um, and I was like, I need to get rid of this thing.
And like you can like lay face down on the bottom of the plane. And like there's like eye holes and you can see. You're getting nuts now. I am. This isn't a playground. What else do you want? A sprinkler? This is ridiculous. A slide. A pool. In a plane. Does that exist? Maybe on Emirates. Yeah, we don't know. I mean, they have showers. Yeah.
These people are obsessed with cartoons. It's ridiculous.
It's so old. And I was like, what, what kind of razor should I do? So I have a Harry's razor at home. Um, but I was just like, let me just Google like what I should do. Harry's. Did some research. They're the best on the market. I've used them before. I use them at home, and I'm like, everyone kind of feels the same way.
I was going to say, would you ever, and I know you wouldn't, but what would it take to For you to... The answer is money. I know that. But I'm saying, what would... The answer is money. What would... But is... Do you... Is there a price on... And, like, a realistic one. Okay. Where... You would get in the back of an F-16? Because that's a thing. And, like, you can... And they could go Mach speed?
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Well, no. They probably wouldn't do that. But those go, like, straight up. I know. I'm going to say this. Yeah. Yeah. I will do it.
I'm so glad you didn't name your daughters after like fucking, I don't even know, Storm. Actually, that's a fire name.
I will do it if there is no camera on me. Because have you ever seen people going like, what happens to their face? They're hitting like six Gs and they become like, I don't even know how the face does that. No camera on me. How much would I get paid to do that? Yeah. Like if so, let me say a number because you're going to go nuts with it. No, no, no. I'm thinking realistic. Okay. Okay.
I'm thinking honestly realistic. What if someone was like, how long? How long? How long what? How long am I up there? Oh, I don't know. Like, just be very clear. 15 minutes or something? That's an eternity. Is it? I don't know how long those are. I'm sure people do them. Bro, 15 minutes. Do me a favor. Sit and do nothing for 15 minutes and tell me how long that feels. You're on a plane.
Oh, yeah, I'll do it for that. I was going way lower, I'll be honest. My realistic price was lower, but yeah, yeah, yeah, $60,000. I'm cool with that.
Yeah, well, like $45,000, $30,000. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Yo, it's, it's a little intense. And I know there are people that are, or go to the chiropractor that are going to be like, no, no, no. Listen, this is actually what it is. An adjustment or whatever. Cool, but also no, dude. Yo, I've been to a chiropractor before and he did this thing where he would align my spine every time I went there. I went for like my knee. I had like a torn meniscus.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much.
It's like, oh, that's Arthur. There's a dog? So stupid. I hate it. You know what I hate? I hate when people... give their cat names jobs. This is Dr. Buttersworth.
And then he was like, I'd get in there and he put me on my face.
I don't know You crack your whole body like you crack your neck head all the shit. I do I do I do well the same time where I just like It takes time you start with your I start with my fingers then you go and I start with these so I go like this and Ugh. And then I start, like, I go my thumbs. Okay. I just did them, so. Please don't. I go my fingers. And then I go my thumbs. And then I. My wrists.
Or my stomach, I should say. Oh, yeah. Face down, ass up. My ass was down as well. Okay. Down for whatever he was about to do to it. No. But he would do this shit to my neck, and then he would be at the top of my here, my neck, where my neck meets my back. Where's your pussy and your crack in this situation? Yeah, there was cracking going on, but no pussy.
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But, like... Like, that's a stupid name.
But he would do this thing where he would go like this, and he would kind of shake it, and he's like, I'm aligning your spine. And I was like, I've never felt β I feel like an arrow, dude. I feel straight as an arrow. Yeah. But I go in there, and the first time he did it, I was like, dude, I'm a fucking β There's that, dude, there's that person on the internet.
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You know how that happens? Yeah, but then you'll never plug it in. I got one. I got one.
No, I'm not. I'm using your logic. It's just like every time you do this, then any time you try to plug it in, it gets unplugged. It's true. It seems major. I have a good one. Every single phone charger that you have is that fucked up one that has to be in a perfect way so that you can like, you got to like fold it and put your phone on it. That's a good one. Yeah. Oh my God.
They work a lot with like professional wrestlers, but they have like a hammer and chisel. Yeah! Have you seen?
That would be horrible. That would really suck. Or every pair of earbuds that you have fall out of your ears. Oh my God. Yeah. Like you can't ever, like they always, there's always one that falls out for no reason. You can switch the size of the silicone. It doesn't matter. Dude. Do you know that I had a pair? I forgot what it was, but I went on a run one day. And it popped out of my ear.
Cause it was really windy. And like there, it was small. It was like this. It wasn't like a Apple one or whatever. And it hit the floor and started rolling in the street. And I took one step towards it and a car. I can't wear. I can't wear. The only headphones I could wear are the muffs or the ones that go like in and around your ears. The Apple ones don't fit for you? No.
Bill, it comes back. It's cyclical.
Literally, I've never wore a pair of earbuds. The ones with the stick are good. They'll fit. They'll fit. And then, I don't know if it's just because my ears are so oily. Like, my ears are so oily, but one always pops out. Always. Always, always, always. Yeah. The ones that, like, the only, the Apple ones that are, like, they have, like, the stick. You know? Yeah.
I just, I can't imagine that. What did they expect to happen? Like, what do you expect?
Did they open your, so like my only, I would ask them, I'd be like, yo, are you going to open it? Or like, you're doing this like microscopic bullshit.
But are the ones that are just like, they just go in your ear and the whole thing is in your ear? None of those ever fit me. Ooh, I just got a really good one. What? Every food, no matter what it is, whether it be drink, food, anything, comes at room temperature. It's never cold. It's never hot. That feels mage.
We found his thing. Really? It's actually hard, yeah. Really? Yeah, I don't know why. Are you afraid of needles? No, I'm not. It's just I'm picturing looking at my own knee being open.
No, they can heat it up, but anytime they get it, it's room temperature. Whether it be ice cream, whether it be steak, whether it be coffee, whether it be a cold beer. So, like, they can still chill it themselves or heat it up. But no matter what, anytime they go to consume it, whether it be the whole plate or drink or cup or whatever, is room temperature.
Oh, that's a good one. I hate that. But then, but then I would just be like, I don't really want this drink. And that's why I would order it. You know what I mean?
That's a whole thing.
What are you talking about?
I don't. Yeah. You're like, Oh, I've been cursed. Yes. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Okay. All right. Um, Hmm. Every restaurant you go to, they have QR code menus.
Dude, it's like Michelangelo sculpting a statue. Yo, legit. No, but he's swinging hard. Yo, how is that going to help me? I don't know. You're trying to chisel my ass like Marvel. I'm sure. I'm sure that there is a legit reason and why they do it. I refuse to believe that it is real because, bro, it's a big... Yo, go look at it. It's like a big chisel, dude.
I don't dislike it.
Give me a menu. I don't know. Make it look appealing. I like that because as soon as I sit down, I can get a menu. But the answer shouldn't be that it's now a QR code. They should just, when they sit you down, have the menus in their hand and give it to you immediately. Usually they do that, but there are some restaurants that they'll seat you and then someone will come over.
you know it could be haunted you could have a haunted cadaver knee and that's the issue is that basically yeah but yeah and i was fucked damn dude my knee is starting to feel a little weird really i'm not even kidding you don't like needles why why do we keep saying needles i don't think needles was you're very squeamish though and i don't like scalpels scalpels yeah okay we're starting to get there you don't like stabbing well i'm a little less cool with that one
And I understand airports where you scan and it's your seat and whatever, but if I go to a restaurant... I enjoy that a lot.
mind it i like that i like order and someone comes right to my fucking but if i go to a restaurant and they're just like here's our scan this qr code for our menu i'm i'm immediately upset immediately because i then i have to zoom in and i miss out what's over there and i have to zoom out and everything is too small i don't like it i'm furious by it
Yes. That freaks you out. That's what I'm picturing, and it's starting to affect my actual knee right now. Really? Yeah.
This may be a major one, and you guys can be the judge of that, but, like, any time you open something that's like a soda or a beer, that thing breaks. Oh. Oh, the top? So you have to, like, push it down or something?
Were you on, were you producing this show while we had this conversation where I said, like, I was trying not to sound like a serial killer, but watching someone like a doctor do surgery and like cutting open something. I think that's fascinating. Frank, we don't care.
Yeah? That is a good one. Yeah, I agree.
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Obviously, I would fail.
If there's any... What, are we going to play the video on this thing? Why not? Can't.
But, like... He just doesn't want to.
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I'm okay. It's something about the act of it actively happening.
I think I'd be all right with that.
I'm okay with that. Because they're dead. They're gone. It's a result, you know?
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Yeah, that'd be tough. I try. Well, no one's begging you to try. Do you say, I will try? No, I try to look sometimes if, like, it crosses my page, and I can't.
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What can you not watch? Something like that. I have something that's similar to that that I refuse to watch.
um i'll give you time to think mine is like people getting hurt in the gym can't watch it like you ever see i saw this video like by accident and like now i can't watch videos like unless it's very obvious that the dude doesn't get hurt and they're just doing like a workout thing they're like backwards or something no like so i don't have a problem with people like fainting after like dead lifting or something kind of funny but
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someone was like leg pressing and their legs. So like, because of that, I can't watch if I'm looking at a video and it just looks very raw is not the right thing, but if it looks like that, I won't watch it. Yeah. Cause I'm like, yeah, I can't.
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It's like skateboarders. It was like, yeah, fucking board went right through my neck.
Prize picks run your game. Boom. I'm trying to think of more. I think one that I thought of is that anytime the person has a popsicle and it melts like very quickly. Gets all over your hands. It gets everywhere. I was gonna say anything that you have that's like crunchy explodes. Oh, I was gonna say the opposite. Like you're expecting it to be crunchy, but it's just like stale and soft.
That's what I'm saying. And also, I'm scared because I don't have a huge... But if you take a hammer and chisel to it, the chisel could go in. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Just so we're clear, he's not chiseling the asshole itself. It's like the tailbone, the coccyx. It looks like he's close to the hole, though. I mean, I agree. One wrong hit.
You know, like, you know what I'm talking about? Like a chip, like a stale chip. Ooh, ooh, I got a good one. Every time you go to a bar and you try to order a drink from a bartender, it takes, like, 12 minutes.
Or someone on the Celtics. The worst one I have ever seen. It was the tight end for the Bears. Was it Zach Miller or Heath Miller? I can't remember. What I'm describing with the leg press, that happened to him in the end zone. And, like, right now, I, like, feel something.
Oh, my God. Yeah, it's so bad.
Disgusting. Yeah, it's gross as hell. Every time you piss, you splash on your pants.
What about pimple? You like pimples?
I mean, you naming your pets after X-Men is way cooler. To you. And you're also wearing that shirt. Which, by the way, speaking of cyclical, let's come back around like a circle. Frank, you got a shirt on that you got from your butcher. It is my butcher's shirt. Which is fine. It is cool. And it's a great place. And it's a cool place. Lenny's. But turn around. But turn around. Well, I don't think.
Yeah, that's annoying. You got to do the pant wipe thing. Or every time you go to dry your hands, it's a really weak powered like air blower. You know what I mean? Like one that's just like. Yeah, that shit is so annoying.
That's a big one. That's a big one. That's every block. I was just going to say that anytime you're in the car, you hit at least one pothole that makes you go like, oh, fuck. You know that pothole? It doesn't mean it's going to fuck up your car. But you know when you hit that pothole and you're just like, when I stop driving, I'm going to check on that. And then you never do that.
Yes. Yeah.
I hit a pothole and immediately my tire was like, I'm done. I hit a pothole and my car started smoking. That happened to me. I hit a pothole and I popped my tire on the 4th of July. So getting someone to come and help tow my car and everything took forever. Oh, that's a good one. What if it's like on every major holiday, wherever you have to get, there's major traffic?
You ever eat your boogers?
I've never done that.
All the time. Pick your nose. Not all the time.
Yo, traffic, it would be enough for me to end it. Really? Yeah, I despise traffic. Yeah, I know you do. Because I hate being late to stuff. Oh my God, that's probably a great answer too. Like if I'm like always like a little late. Oh, I have a good one. I have a good one because this is kind of minor. But every time you're in line to do something... It's always cut off right before.
Not me throwing up, but other people throwing up, it makes me die.
You're the last one. Like you'll get in, but like they'll let in like 20 people and then it's cut off at you and you have to wait again. That, bro, I hate that. When I'm in a red light and I'm like, all right, this is perfect. I'll make it through on the next screen. And then my car is the first one stopped. Frank. Bro, that drives me bananas.
I can't tell you the last time that I actually stopped at a red light when that's the case. I'm through that bitch. Unless the person in front of me runs the red, then I'm like, all right, I'm going to get hit. There are times where you have to. I'm going. I'll tell you this.
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Maybe not that long. It feels that long. I feel like the whole light is that long. It feels that long. Wow. Yeah.
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Oh my God, that's a great one. That's brutal. Dude, that's... I'll be honest, I'll just not watch. Like, I've done that before. You said a good one before, the buffering.
One wrong slip, you're getting, you know, punctured like a balloon. That's what I mean. Also, bro, you're going to hammer my coccyx? Take it easy. I mean... If anything, like... I don't know. Your head's going to pop out. You're going to be like a Rock'em Sock'em robot. You're going to send my spine through the back of my neck. You're going to walk out like a Rock'em Sock'em robot. You know?
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Oh my God.
That would... I mean, I guess we could go... If we're going to do media and stuff like that, it's just like, anytime you play a video game, like... A certain amount of time in, it freezes and you have to reboot it up again. Oh, that's pretty bad. Like you don't lose your save progress. It just freezes and you need to redo it again.
Just give your little stylist. Who's the one that's a stylist?
What about... Or anytime you play a video game, there's always an update.
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People that don't play video games might not understand that one. That one is fucking miserable. Every other time that you have to go to an event, you get stuck behind a garbage truck. That's every other time? All right, I guess you could. Or every sporting event you go to, the team you want loses.
Frankie, turn around because we want to see the back of the shirt. We just want to look. The front of the shirt looks so cool that I'm interested in what the back of the shirt looks like. Look at that.
I don't even know where to go now. I can't go to the same place. My insurance isn't, you know, they don't take my insurance. I have to go somewhere else. I use ZocDoc and you plug in your insurance. You tell them what kind of care you need, whether it's a primary care physician or a specialist, dermatologist or whatever it is. You know, they'll find them in your area.
Gambling? No, but you don't know.
I mean, but if you're a Yankee fan, you're never going to bet the Yankees are going to lose. You're a Giant fan. Well, right now it might be. I am hammering them losing. I know. But you know what I'm saying? Or β For the rest of your life, you'll never see one of your favorite teams win a championship. Because that's not major. I mean, I guess for certain people it could be.
They'll show you their review. So it's patient reviewed, like I said. So, you know, if they're a 4.9, 5.0, something like that. It's a great score. So you're like, okay, we know this is a good doctor. And they show their next available appointment. So usually it's within like two days. So there's a quick turnaround. And yeah, so you can find out all the doctors in your area.
For some people it could be a reality. But like, yeah, I don't think I'll ever see a Jet championship. I don't think I'll ever see that. Ooh, all your socks have a hole in them. Every day is a bad hair day. That feels major.
And yeah, that's what it's used for. So there you go. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash basement to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That is Z-O-C-D-O-C slash basement. Okay, ZocDoc.com slash basement. What were you talking about? Something disgusting?
Just like a hole in a sock is like.
Every time you put on an item of clothing, you find a stain. Like a little stain. Like a little stain. Not a crazy one. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, I can see why that sucks.
I feel like I don't do that often enough that that would really bother me.
I'm bad at this, bro. It's gotten to the point when I do stuff like that, I throw it and it'll, it'll like, whatever happens, it'll be so unbelievable. It's like, I couldn't recreate that if I tried. Yeah. You know, and most of the time it doesn't go in.
Frank, what the fuck?
Botflies. I can't do that shit. Botflies being in someone's neck and they're pulling it out. Bro, I'm good. Anything in the ear, can't do it. No, I like cleaning ears.
I don't care.
It's kind of a reality. I really don't care about that. Except for my mom. I'll pick that up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's annoying. That one's tough. That's annoying. Every time you or someone cuts your nails on one of your fingers, they get a little too close to the skin, and they do that thing where they cut the skin under your nail.
It's weird because it creates the itch and then it scratches it at the same time. You never get enough.
uh why are you saying wait what are you saying someone's cutting your nails well if you go to get like a manicure or pedicure you can you can give these to women too or people that do that joey no but you made it seem like someone's cutting your own nails well if i were to go get a manicure or pedicure why wouldn't you just say you're cut when you cut your nails because then i'll just if i'll figure it out every time i do it i'll just be like all right i'm never gonna do it again you can never keep your plants alive
That is the world I live in. That is the world that I'm currently living in. I've actually kept this one plant alive and There's a plant that my mom gave me in this pot. And in like script, it just says, I love you. Right. And I have killed every plant that I've had. And I've kept this alive because I put it in my head. That when the plant dies, your mom dies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Am I eating it every single meal? That's it.
So wait, it's not random every day.
Oh, I do the random thing.
So I'm like, I got to keep this fucker alive, dude. Bro. Becca. Becca was like a super like plant. I don't want to say plant mom, but, like, took care of plants. We had a ton of plants. And then one day she was just, like, over it and put, like, 90% of them outside to die. She, like, walked them to the cliff and then shot them in the back of the head. She made them walk the plank?
The top of your spine. You're hammering my coccyx. Listen, I've been to a chiropractor. I've never been hammered. Have you? I've never been hammered. Although they did have this machine. Have you ever been knee hammered? Oh, yeah. My knee's been throttled. I love the knee hammer. Yeah.
I think it would more be like, what can I kind of make different versions of?
Show the back of the shirt, please. Okay.
This kid's cheating.
She made them walk the plank. Why? These poor succulents. I think it was just too much to keep up with on top of all the other things to do. And she was just like, all right, it's time to go. That's funny. What about... Every time you try to have something with milk, the milk is just a little spoiled.
No, I think that's cheating too. I just think that's the chance you take when you select random. You could just have, you know, a carrot or you can have an omelet and omelets could be different. That's the chance you take. Carrot, bro.
Not fully spoiled where it's like clumpy dumpy pumpies, but like just enough where you smell and you're like, it ain't right. Oh my God, I got a great one. I got a great one. Every day, at some point during the day, hair in your mouth that you can't get, that you can't get. Ew. You know what I mean? It could be your hair, but it's like that feeling of like, I can't get this thing. I hate that.
Or that thing, you know how anytime there's something in your teeth and you try to get it, it's like your brain knows where it is, but you can't ever find it with your finger. Never had that? Ant, you ever had that? I know when things get caught in my mouth. Like, you know, like, when you guide your tongue there, you know exactly where it is.
can we not do supplements can we just like we just have them you'll die no no i mean like can we just like let's just be under the assumption the food tastes like this but it gives you everything you need that's fair okay we can do it you know what i mean but it won't well well this isn't a matter of life or death so what you're gonna eat a protein packed carrot are you not understanding what i'm saying i am fully understanding what you're saying i'm asking why can't we do that
But when you have to, like, get it with a toothpick or something, you can't ever find it.
Is this the right tooth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That. Every day. There's something in your teeth every day.
Oh, like from, like, they piss their pants?
It's always dripping. I have one right now. Yeah, I guess.
Frank, can you survive off of carrots for 10 days? I don't see why not. I don't think so. You'd be so deficient. In what? Whatever a carrot doesn't have.
Jesus. Yeah, that's, I mean, just a couple traps. So do we. Ba-ding, boom, pow. Crazy. You're our ant problem. All right. I'm kidding. I was talking about my aunt, Maurice. I tried to make up a name. I don't know why that was the name that I landed on. Yeah. Insects could be a big problem. Like don't carpenter. Every day at some point you walk into a spider web.
What about everything you eat just tastes like the food you get? So you could still get everything.
I don't think you would enjoy... Ooh, I have a good one. Okay, go.
I mean, I get why you hate that one. I understand. It would be cool with walking into a spider web every day.
That would be so major. I mean, yeah, that's major, dude. How about this? Once a week, your car gets destroyed with bird shit. Oh, I thought you were about to say that. Oh, I don't really care about that much. It's just bird shit. I'll wait until it rains. Huh. What an insane response. Why? If your car gets destroyed with bird shit, you're not going to go get it cleaned?
That's kind of cool. That's kind of cool, right?
Bro, they used to, when I got my knee surgery, I had to go to physical therapy and they had to like test my reflexes and shit. I think that's so fucking cool. They would do the stimulation on it, the electro stim, and it would be like a pulse and it would be like. That's cool. Bro, it's, I love electricity. I love hammers. You got an electricity shirt. Electricity shirt. Slap me in the face. Okay.
You're going to wait until it rains? What if it doesn't rain for two weeks? You have a bird shit car? Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, that's inconvenient, but it also could be major. Well, never mind. What? I was going to say, like. This is stupid because it's not every time. It's not every bridge, but I was going to say every time there's one of those bridges that open, every time they go up. You're approaching it and they go up. Oh, well, that would only if you live where one of those are.
I know, but you're going to play the game because you're a fun person.
No, we're going to select the foods now.
I got one. Every time you go to a restaurant and your server forgets one of the items you've ordered. Oh, that's good. I like that. They always forget one of the items. So if you get a starter, a main, a dessert, and a drink or whatever, they always forget one of those. How about this? Every first date, card declines. You can pay for it with your other card, but your card declines.
What the fuck is panzanella salad? What is that? Is that like escarole? Hold on, look up panzanella salad. I'll be honest, already not happy.
Yeah, but then you have to imagine the person's going on several first dates, you know?
Yeah, I agree. That's not enough. Because what if the person goes on one first date and that's it?
Yeah, no, no. I mean, there's a meat in there. Yo, a salad's probably not a bad thing. Yeah, because you can mix other stuff.
I would say that's major, yeah. Is it? Yeah, I would agree.
I think we had this the other day. If there's a meat in this, I'm in.
No way. You can try. If I forget my wallet on a first date and the woman has to pay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I'm her, I'd be like, bro, you didn't forget your wallet. Like, this is a game.
Cucumber, basil, onion. I got no meat.
This is okay, actually. This is okay.
You know what the thing is, too, with this? You can, like, choose to just eat, like, the cucumbers. Right.
I'm trying to think of some that are just so minor, but like they would just make, they would like fucking add up.
And just be like, well, now I'm just having cucumbers. I got a little mix of things. Yeah, you have a mix. That's not bad.
That would bother me. That's a lot, yeah. That would bother me. I mean, I think an easy one is like every day you stub your toe. Yeah.
He's not eating any salad in the world.
Yeah, you want to give it to them hard, huh? You want to give it to them nice and raw and hard.
i don't think he said raw we've spent 30 minutes on this it's fun i'm interested in seeing because i'm assuming people will just like be in the comments with like really good ones now that they have like time to think about it like we're just trying to come up with them right now but like what about got a good one go uh
Okay, I'm happy with that for $100.
I don't want to say every time you say hi to somebody, but it's like half of the time that you go to say hi to someone, static shock. Oh. Annoying. What if every person that you meet, you forget their name? That's also a reality I'm kind of living.
Can anyone picture what would happen if I wore a shirt like that?
What do you got? Here we go.
I think I could eat a ton of Pad Thai.
That could be major. Every time you order an Uber, the first one always cancels on you. That's been happening. Or even, I mean, I don't know if this is worse, but like every Uber you order, never mind. It's only cool if you're like, well, if the curse is that you don't know what's going to happen every single time, I was going to say every Uber that you order is like 10 minutes at least.
I did see the clip of that guy saying he likes to get, you know.
Saw that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Canceling when they're close? Oh my god. I've had that happen where they take 20 minutes and then they cancel. Oh no. Can't do it.
Like if Greg did it or something? Yeah, this is for Greg.
Wouldn't make it out. Would not make it out, dude. I mean, you think he's going on the bus and the train?
That would suck. Chatty Ubers. Just very niche ones.
All right. Ahmed. Here we go. Wow.
The reflex test, though, like, bink, bank. I love that. Yeah, it's cool. I'll tell you this, though. That thing that they use, that little red rubber thing in there, that looks delicious. It looks like a shark tooth. It not only looks like a shark tooth, it looks like it's edible. And I'll... Chew on it for sure. I don't know about eating it. I mean, I won't eat it. I would.
Yo, if I got chicken tenders. I'd be pumped with that. Oh, yeah. Super pumped.
Oh, I love a good kiwi.
Love that. Oh, man. All right. I mean, I have none left. I think that we've beaten this up. I'm excited to see what the people come up with. Yeah, I'm excited, too. But, Frank, where can they find you? FAlvarez8085 on Twitter. The Frank Alvarez on all other forms of social media. Go check out the Basement Yard Patreon. Patreon.com slash the Basement Yard. The Basement Yard. What? Basement yard.
No way, watermelon. He got the worst one.
It's cool, but like... I think the surprise color of a kiwi is cooler than the surprise color of a watermelon. Yeah.
The basement yard on all forms of social media. Yeah. Yeah. And you guys go follow me at Joe Santagato. And that is all. See you guys next time. Bye.
It tastes like nothing.
Kiwi's the worst one, by the way, so far, right?
Honeydew. Love that. That's the worst fruit, actually. What? That's actually the worst fruit.
Oh, I'm going again? Why? Oh. Sausage. I'll take sausage.
He's going to take sausage. Damn it. Whoa.
I got hot dog, deer, chicken, turkey, sausage.
No, you can't. You gotta be in the mood for onion rings. At least.
That you think onion rings are better?
Like a mouse. 100,000% it's getting a gnaw. Yeah, like a mouse on rope. Well, no. Mice on rope. It's this. Yeah. I'm gnawing, like, side of the mouth. Like a dog with a ball. Yeah.
A Blooming Onion is the craziest invention. The fact that that's served as a meal is bananas.
Now I don't know who's crazier, the person who just eats a full blooming onion, or someone who's a stranger accepting it from a stranger.
I think the site messed up the words. I think that's just pizza. Tart-taffin? Tart-tattin? I think you got pepperoni pizza. Plug that into- I don't hate that.
Frank, you're wearing a shirt that has animal balls on them. And you hear like, they're a symbol of strength and whatever. I don't think that you can hear how much shit you're full of.
Oh. Oh, it's a pastry? It's a pastry. Oh, the site just got its things crossed. What the f-
That looks delicious.
You guys can follow me at JoeSanagato. Go follow the show at TheBasementYard on TikTok and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.
Like Popeye smoking a cigar. Like Popeye with his spinach and his cigar. Same side of his mouth, by the way.
Which was crazy.
And it was like creamed spinach, right? It wasn't just like legit spinach. I mean, creamed spinach is legit. If it's made it not in a can. I agree, yeah. There are things that I would not eat out of a can. Any meat.
yo did you ever see the tiktok there's this like food reviewer on tiktok and she reviewed they sell burgers in a can here you go this is for you that's disgusting dude it's a full like cheeseburger bun and all in a can it must be the most unhealthy thing ever and it is yeah it's that asian girl it's that asian girl yeah
Why are you making that connection?
Butchers are not delis. Delis are like. It's two in one. No. What do you mean? Like you walk in there and it's like a, like a bodega? No, that's a bodega. So what do you, okay, like a deli, like it's got like the meats and stuff that you can buy sandwiches?
you want to watch them just just oh my god see through just pull up no just pull up and see where she pulls it out so you can see what it looks like coming out of this can do it is what would elect to do this up we got noise oh oh
Why are you so creaky cracky like an old haunted house? And then I go my neck. Dude, that sounded like you almost died. And then I go my back. Let's see if I can get my back going. Frank, be careful. I don't need you to fall into a... And then when I'm home, I go my toes. Uh-huh. And then... Does anything else even crack? I don't crack anything. My ankles sometimes. Crack your ankle. Yeah.
Oh, my God. This is disgusting.
Where she opens it and pulls it out.
Well, she has to, like, heat it. That's how you heat it up. So you put it in, like, boiling water to heat up the contents. That's a giant fucking pan. That's a fat burger. That's a fat burger. Shout out to this girl. What's her name? Emmy Maid? Emmy Maid. Emmy Maid. She's getting a free plug right now. Yeah, Emmy Maid. Brother, there's, like, time stamps on the side that you can just.
That's a crazier part of it.
Yeah, I thought you wanted this. Oh, yeah, this is fine. Look at this. It comes wrapped in. Wrapped? It's got pants on? Pants. Pants on the burger. Dude. I'm disgusted by this. Oh, my God. That is bad. I thought it would look worse. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I thought it would look worse. Bro, in a can, though. I'm not eating it. How much for you to try it? Not too much.
You know how that's a real butcher? A cow escapes from it once a year. Really? Bro, the one on 20th Avenue? Dude, but cows running around all the time. I... They found a cow on Ditmars Boulevard, dude.
Do cats drag things in?
500 bucks. Easily. You'll try it for 500 bucks? Take a bite? Yes. Yes. Well, we have a can! Yeah, I couldn't. I'm sorry. Whatever that mystery is. You're throwing up. I know that. Ant would take a bite of that and he'd be like, oh. Oh, man. I love it. It's so easy. It's so easy. It's so scary. No, but I've never been hammered by a hammer and chisel for my back. Yeah, I've never been either.
But they put this thing on me to check the density or whatever of something, and it was a little hammering machine. And it hammered your spine? It hammered my shit, yeah. Oh, you got ham. Right from the back. Right. You know? Wow. That one actually would feel like it wouldn't be bad. I wasn't a big fan of it. You ever take a... What are those called? Like a Theragun? Yeah.
And you just like put it on your head? Oh, yeah. My whole head shakes. And then it gets itchy. Yeah, what is that? And then my head gets itchy. I'm like this. I put it against my head and I'm like da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And I'm like, this is me in an earthquake. I love doing that. Yeah. No. I don't think. That's a stupid thought. I don't think it's that intense. No. But it feels weird.
Are you worried about earthquakes?
no i mean yo i was mad scared with the one we had here yeah i was like in my apartment you live and you live a couple floors up i live a couple floors up so it would have been as they say in show business fucking dead like my tv started going and i literally was like i'm gonna fall into the water now like that's scary bro do you think but if you fall into water you just you'll swim Yeah, I won't.
I'd rather chew gum that I found under my desk in my public school classroom than eat a pigeon.
Oh, sorry. I'm just... No, I think he's just going like this.
Why not? Because I'm inside of a building that's collapsing into the... East River. Just ride a piece of concrete down. Not everything is a Fast and Furious movie. I know. I can't drive a Corvette through my living room. I'm not a big fan of those movies, so don't say that as if I'm a big defender of Fast and Furious unless Vin Diesel wants to put us in one and pay us a couple dozen million.
We gotta like get rid of cats. I think I think fuck you. I loved it.
Don't, don't, don't. It's not. I think it's just a word.
You're saying it with a French accent.
A couple dozen million? Yeah. I haven't seen one since like number two. I've never watched one. I've never watched one. You've never seen a Fast and Furious movie? I've never seen one. Is this one of those things you refuse now? When I was a kid, I refused because our friend got hit by a drag racer because those movies used to be about drag racing, and now they're just superhero movies.
Now they are full-on people just going into space with a Honda Accord. Yeah, how is that happening? That's not. It's like we're going to take this Dodge Ram. It's like clearly sponsored. We're going to take this Dodge Ram, 0% APR, and we're going to drive it off a cliff and land it in a plane that's going to space.
I'm held to some standard.
Explain your shirt. Explain the shirt. Oh!
It's like, bro, what the fuck is this? Come on.
I can crack my nose sometimes. I know that you just, what do you think, you're my uncle or something? And you're gonna trick me? Like, oh, look at my nose. Every now and then, this is a serious one, I can crack my sternum. Like, I go like that and it pops. It feels so good. Really? That sounds like it would be painful as all hell. No, it feels really good. Really? Yeah, I might have problems.
How are we going to land this award-winning car three years in a row and running on a boat? Yeah.
Chill out, Vin. We see through it. We're all family. I love when movies do that. When the product placement is so ridiculous. Yeah. Like, I think it was like an intense movie and he's like, hold on, let me take a drink of a Pepsi Max. You're like, all right, guy. Like, what are we doing here?
And they like hold it up like this. Yeah. And they drink it with the logo facing out. How you doing, bartender? Can I have the banquet beer? Coors. No light. Ridiculous.
It's true, bro. I hate when movies do that because it just completely takes me out the movie. You know what I hate when movies say the name of the movie in the movie? I hate when they do that. Oh, I like if it makes sense. Like, it's different if it's, like... I don't even... But it's, like, I like when they do it and it's, like, clearly supposed to be, like, funny or something.
Like Hot Tub Time Machine. Yes, that's the example. Where it's, like, it's almost like a Hot Tub Time Machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or, like, but, like, I hate when it's, like, a serious movie and it's, like... Oh, you know, they call him the Raven. And it's like, that's the name of the movie. Yeah, I know. I hate when it's something like obscure.
And it's like one of these movies that like you can't you don't know why it's called that. You know what I mean? Like it'll like the movie will just be called. It'll be like a crime thriller. And the movie is called like, you know, a cream cheese sandwich. And then it's just yeah, like just something like that. Don't fuck with the cats. Well, no, that makes sense. That's a documentary.
I didn't yeah, but you've created that narrative, bro Do you know that I saw something online and it was a video of you dancing at the AC show? Yeah and I saw a comment on that and it was like where is Joe and someone was like he was probably getting blackout drunk and I was like, oh What? Scott. Frank's dancing and drinking Grey Goose. I'm double fisting a Grey Goose and a champagne bottle.
yeah about a guy that fucked with cats did he i can't remember what happened oh yeah he did oh i thought he just killed luca magnata no he killed he he graduated a human at a certain point yeah yeah but he started with cats that's right and it was not sick dude yeah it's not that documentary we're not supportive of him fuck you luca magnata What the hell? What are you? An Italian dessert? Yeah.
Sitting in the back of the thing talking to Zach.
Get out of here. Luca Magnata. Too much. Too much plugs. He's getting free plugs on a weekly episode. You said his name. You said the don't fuck with cats. I give an example of a dog. I was just saying like a movie that has like an obscure title. You can't like make the connection. Yeah. You know, TV shows do that a lot. Yeah. Bro, do you remember? You probably don't know.
So you go in and you full on make a damn like a poop beaver. Yeah. Dude, that's what you do. And then you crap on top of it. Yes. So it's just airborne crap. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't want to be sued by the girls.
Oh. Allegedly.
You're trying to like support little kids. I will say whoever.
It's a lot of peanut butter.
It's so lemony.
I'm eating a lemon here.
What a year. What a year, dude.
Thank you.
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You pink! It's raw! It's raw cocaine! It's raw cocaine! You idiot! Let me take... It's frozen!
It's rubbery!
no I call people it is called big because he goes donkey dog donkey well he is like you fucking donkey cut each up fade you easy oh and he gets he always like he's like so defeated by all like I saw one where Wolfgang Puck was there he's like oh it's Wolfgang yeah you know I saw that recently it's someone served him a steak at his own And Wolfgang Puck was like, what is this?
Because you never get a straight answer. You go to a store, I want this, here's my money, here's the thing, thank you, I'm leaving. I really, I much prefer that. I can't even tell you.
I love opening boxes.
I know. But if you know what it is, like my issue, my, my toxic trait is I fully expect boxes to just show up at my house, but I hate shopping online.
And I bought it again, ships fast within, you know, two days. If you place your order between, you know, before whatever.
And then it showed up two days later. Figure out your system.
Well, back order is that the demand exceeds the supply. So they're like, you know what? We fucked up. Fuck you. Take it off. I'm not going to buy it if there's nothing in stock. What happened to sold out? What happened to that? Pre-orders. Pre-orders. Get me. Pre-orders. Pre-orders get me so bad, bitch. I don't mind a pre-order.
Don't do this.
Well, they have a very important job. Why do you keep looking behind me? You're freaking me out. Is there a spider? There's an elf. What's going on here? No, I just, I don't like it. If it's pre-ordered. There's no reason you eat. If you get more than what you thought, if you only make 500 and you get 600, holy shit. Make more right away.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, dude. You think I'm going to wait? You think I'm going to wait?
I have no idea what this is.
whore bastard bitches.
Because I see an email that's just like, we also have... I'm not only going to unsubscribe from your email chain. I might find the company and spit at it. Spit.
We're flying today, baby. We are on ads. Speaking of companies.
No, no, no.
Hell yeah.
Garlicky, oniony, buttery to them.
There's garlic.
Oh, you were the flusher.
Is stale a pinky?
welcome back to the basement welcome back to the basement yard frank how you doing baby i'm doing great how are you prefer baby over bitch yeah i think anyone will well some people don't like baby baby makes them feel a little uncomfortable what do you mean some people don't like baby love that jacket you got going on there by the way absolutely love it love it um just the colors are great
Oh, see that? Confidence paid off. Now I look smarter to everyone that thought I knew it. I feel like you just, like, I'm trying to picture his body and how much he would weigh.
Crazy. But six feet, you're done. You're toast. This guy's got a good 10 inches on you. I was like, what are you talking about? Yeah, no, I guess shout out to David Beckham and his wife, Victoria. Why am I doing that? You ever see that clip of where she's just like talking about like, my dad, we had it so hard. And he's like in the back, David Beckham in the background.
Like, but, dude, there's some, there's, like, this, like, lighter account on TikTok, and it's, like, this French guy, and he finds a bunch of old lighters, and he's like, this is from the Japan, you know, forgive the French accent. It's okay. Oh, so he has all these old lighters. Does he refurbish them? Dude, and he like gets them. Is that the right word? Refurbish? Refurbish, yeah.
Or, like, whatever. And I'm on cheeky, too, now. Cheeky? I really, like, I would, I love the idea of cunt. But, like, we can't do it here. We can cheeky. Cheeky's cool. Cheeky's cool because it's playfully naughty. You know what I mean?
Cheeky blime. What comes next? Cunt? So we're going to do, I actually planned on this, we're going to do an episode of like Europe slang before we go over there. So we'll be well versed. I was going to say endowed for some reason. We won't be that versed. We'll be well-versed before we go over there. But speaking of well-versed, there's actually something that I saw that I wanted to bring up.
I don't know if you saw this. This is not going to have anything to do with well-versed, huh? No. Or well-endowed. Or maybe. Speaking of well-versed, here's something that has nothing to do with that. No, no, no. Well-endowed might be the thing.
Which means big dick. Yeah. By the way, I'm not showing you a picture of a dick. That'd be great. I'm not. I promise. This just sounds like you are now. No, I'm not. But it's been going around on the internet. So there's a woman who, look at me, Joey. There's a woman who found, was going through her dead grandmother's belongings. Could grandmothers be dying? I mean, we know that. They do be dying.
And found this card in her dresser. And show the first one first. No, no, no. Yeah, so that one. So this is a card that was in her dresser, presumably from the 50s or 60s, for Dr. Dan. Expert plane and fancy fucking evenings by appointment only. This is awesome. Grandma was getting it, dude. So, I mean, we can just go... Cut rate to a party of six or more? Satisfaction with one hard-on.
This dude was giving out six-man discounts. So, first of all... Way to go, Dr. Dan. All the way, also spelling doctor wrong. Is that... Is it doctor or doctor? Is that spelled right?
So this guy didn't want to get in trouble.
What are the lines of being a doctor, though? I think that's something that we definitely have to ask. Schooling.
Really? Yep. Because you could be a doctor of thugonomics. Look at John Cena. You could be... Maybe to you. But this guy knew... Extra attention given to neglected married women. Also, bottom right corner, widow's a specialty. He specializes in widows? There's one part of this that you are vastly overlooking. Virgin's treated gently. Spinster's satisfied. What the hell's a spinster?
Spinster... Spinster. What is that? It sounds like Chucky Finster, which I think doesn't mean anything compared to this. Who is that? Chucky Finster? I don't even know why I asked. Chucky Finster. Tommy Pickles. Oh, that's his last name? Chucky? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. By appointment only is great. You can't just walk in here with a party of six. So this was clearly, so grandma was.
She was getting. She needed Dr. Dan. I'm assuming, you know, grandpa died. She became a widow. What do you call this? A gigolo? Is that what that technically is? I think so, yeah. Or a male prostitute? Yeah, it could be. I got to say. I mean, this is a doctor. I got to say. Gigolo? Cool word. It's a fun word. It reminds me of Jell-O. It does. It reminds me of... Say it. R. Kelly. God damn it.
Like you make them new again? But what is, so then if fucking something up is furbishing it? Yes. Don't. Don't? Look it up. No, but I love when people get, I mean, we've talked about this too, because there's that one Irish guy who's like, oh, I've got to bring this thing back. Oh, the wood. Yeah, yeah. It's like woodworking. I've seen him make a machete look really nice and shiny again.
I wasn't going to. That is a... I'm a gigolo always on the go. Imagine making a song about like... It was a gigolo spending lots of dough. Oh.
Do you remember who sang that song? He did the hook. R. Kelly. He did the hook. Do you remember whose song that actually was? No. The signs were there, man.
P. Diddy? No, the signs were there. It was Nick Cannon. Was it a Nick Cannon song? Yeah. You don't need to pull up it.
I mean, the song kind of hits. I think it was on, like, Now That's What I Call Music, like, seven or eight.
Because we had those. My mom would get us those albums. You had all the Now That's Whatevers? Not all of them, but we had a few. Did you have any kids bop? No, thank God. Thank God. You had kids bop?
You bopped. Your parents probably loved that you were a kid bopping. I don't even know how to understand that. Do you remember any of the good kids bop? Did you legit listen to it or did you know immediately?
It's kind of a bananas move to be like, yo, let's take popular songs, make kids sing them, and then sell CDs and give them probably nothing. Oh, yeah. Did I tell you that there was a company who reached out to invite me to Kidz Bop? Yeah, they tour. They tour, and they were just like, bring the family, which is cool.
Very gracious, but then they were like, meet the stars of Kidz Bop. Right. And I was like... Like, I'm not going to meet Tommy, bro. What am I going to do with you? What song do you like, you know? Yeah. I was going to ask, tour... Like, that's how you say it? Tour. Do you say tour? Or do you say tour?
Tour, yeah. Tour. Tour? See, like, yeah, people say tour. I think it's just a regional difference. You know what I mean? I don't think there's much. Someone from New York one time was like, tour. I was like, oh, what the fuck? Tour? Yeah. I also pronounce a lot of words wrong, but you know. Well, we're New Yorkers. We do, you know, coffee, chocolate. Everyone gets on me for acts.
Well, that's because you're just saying it wrong, but I understand. Yeah, I don't have time. So just based off of what you're seeing here, if you knew someone that needed a little fancy fucking- If there was neglected married women, then who better to call than a doctor? I mean, here's the thing. Nothing here that says it's only for women. Extra attention given to neglected married women.
That's fair. That's fair. Nothing that says... He's not... Dr. Dan isn't giving the Dr. Dick to dad. And the virgins are treated gently, which is nice.
Exactly. You want them to be treated with respect. We don't want anyone treated not gently, unless they don't want to be treated gently. In that case... I really hope there's nothing about this that has come out that has been bad or dark, because then we sound bad. But... What did we say?
I know, I know, I know. I'm just saying. All right. So now, Joey... There is another portion of this, which is the back of the card. Wait, hold on real quick. I just want to point this out. There's a photo right underneath this. So it's so funny that there's like a family photo or her and her husband. And then right under that, Dr. Dan with the dick out. Because your grandmothers are all gone.
Right. If you had gone. You made it sound like I have 20 of them. Both your grandparents are gone. Yeah. Both sets of grandparents are gone. Yeah. You're clean slate.
That's fun. Have you ever seen the ones where they put the machetes in the tub and then they shock it to get all the fucking rust off of it? No. What? You've never seen that? I do like that, though, because sometimes they do that with watches or jewelry. It's like, what is going on in this little tub? It's a little horny little tub.
Yeah, I would... This is honestly like finding the Declaration of Independence. There's also something sad about this because at the time, women were... Not that they're treated great now, but like... Do we know what time this was? It's... So... We're going to get into that. So I think I tried finding the original post and I couldn't find it. I think it's around the 60s.
So there's another part of this before Ant pulls it up that includes... what is offered by Dr. Dan, what his services. The services, okay. The services. So in addition to what the services are going to pull up, we went the extra mile here at the Basement Yard. We take research very seriously when it is stupid. And we did a conversion of what the cost would be Oh, with inflation? With inflation.
Adjusted for inflation. I love that. So. Perfect. So why don't we pull up the next. Why don't we get to the ads and then we'll get to this. All right. Yeah. Ads. And then we'll talk about Dr. Dan giving that. Go to the end. Yeah. Thank God. First off here, we got Omaha Steaks. Omaha Steaks. They make amazing steaks. Okay. Legendary steaks. They sent a box of them to me and Frank.
And we are very excited about that. They're in my freezer freezing right now. They have been America's original butcher since 1917, way before Dr. Dan. They deliver the world's best steak experience and bring people together with more than 100 years of family-owned expertise. Now, during their semi-annual sale, you can get 50% off site-wide at Omaha Steaks.
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So saving a ton of money there, 50% off omahasteaks.com. Get that extra $30 off with the promo code BASEMANYARD. Go get yourself some steaks.
I'm sure. So it's like a... Yeah, I don't know. Or it just shakes it. It just shakes it. I don't think the shaking is the thing that's cleaning it. I think it's probably the chemicals that are in it. Oh, so I can't like put my finger in there. Like if I had a dirty hand, I can't like clean myself? That's a great question. I don't know.
There's a lot of pots and pans out there, and, you know, we've learned over the years that cooking with them enough, you can kick up some dirt, and there's some toxins that are in the things that they are using to protect the pots or whatever, and it's not good because it gets into your body. But with caraway, we got rid of that, okay?
A single scratch on Teflon cookware can release over 9,000 microplastic particles. Also going to think about that. But Caraway Kitchen Mirror is crafted with sustainable, non-toxic materials, premium stainless steel, natural slick ceramic, and more to help you create a safer, healthier home.
So if you do a lot of cooking, it's just better to have a pot that you know is not going to kick up any microplastics into your body. So it's nice. I have it and they're also beautiful. Okay, not for nothing. There's got some very pretty colors and it's nice aesthetically.
Enjoy that. Yeah, and you know what? If you're cooking something up in the kitchen... You know, why don't you throw on more of us, more of the basement yard, which you can get at patreon.com slash the basement yard.
Thank you so much to everyone that continues to support us, especially the people that support us over on Patreon, which is kind of realistically the most direct and easiest way to support us. Go to patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Sign up today for that first tier, and you'll get these weekly episodes one week in advance.
And then that second tier, well, you'll get exclusive episodes every single Friday at 7 a.m. Like clockwork, baby. Our biological clock is ticking right along for you. Okay? So, yeah. Thank you, Ant. So go over to TheBasementYard.com slash... nope, patreon.com slash thebasemanyard to check that out. We thank you guys so much for continuing to support us and we appreciate it.
And if you can't do it, it's okay. I completely understand. But please do it. Joe holds a gun to my head when you're not here and the cameras aren't on. Also, if you're coming to any of the Europe shows, we're doing shows in Scotland, London, Dublin. If you're coming to any of those shows, make sure you check out thebasemanyard.com slash submit.
A part of the Basemanyard Experience shows that we've incorporated into each of the shows is is that we'd like to talk to you guys, with you guys, about you guys. And we ask you to fill out a little questionnaire, include some funny stories, something scandalous. You know, we've had several people tell us about their significant other cheating on them with their parents. It's crazy.
I don't think we should look it up because how would we even look that up?
So go check it out at thebasementyard.com slash submit. Tell us what show you're coming to, fill out the questionnaire, and then you never know. Maybe we'll talk to you about you. We're not sure. So thank you again. We appreciate it. And we'll see you in Europe.
Obviously. Okay, so here is the price list that Dr. Dan was so kind to provide us with. So we're going to go from the top down, baby. Top down price list. Starting off, clear cut, okay? Plain insertion. Plain. No pepperoni.
$27. Yo, $7 for caresses? What are we talking about, by the way? Well, caresses, we've figured out, is back of the hand.
Back of the hand. So like this. Because a caress adds a level of intimacy. I don't know that I've ever caressed. So what Dr. Dan is clearly doing here, obviously, is establishing as a businessman that he is no nonsense. Right. 20 bucks. 20 bucks for just the base insertion. Is there tax? You know, that's a great question. I imagine that Dr. Dan does not report any of his income from this.
I don't... There's something in the way you said that that seems a little, like, double entendre, and I don't like it. What does that mean? Like, to me, it's... No, I know what a double entendre is, but, like, how am I saying... No one's knocking the dirt off me. My dust has been knocked off. See, now I fucked it up, but I said it. So now you do get dusty. No. We're all a little dusty.
I don't think so. I don't think he has an LLC. So $20 for a flat insertion with Caress 27. And just for shits and giggles, can you let us know in 1960 what $20 or $27 would be in 2025 inflation?
You're a businessman. Yeah. A lot of people respect you, myself included, as a businessman. Do you think he's missing out here in any way because he's clearly establishing flat rate for plane insertion? Do you think he should charge per percentage of insertion?
Does anyone really do just the tip? I don't know. I don't think that's a thing. I mean, listen, there are people out there that dress up like Spongebob and scream at each other during sex. I'm sure people do that. Yeah, but they don't go just the tip. They put the whole fucking Krabby Patty in there. You know?
Listen, if Nickelodeon didn't have bigger fish to fry, they would have come here and shut that down. Probably, yeah. But, I mean, potentially, as a businessman... $289. For just a plane in search. It's a plane. Now... It's not a bad starting point. Now... Okay. The next line makes me think that... That this is just flat out missionary. Inverted positions... What is an inverted position?
I would imagine anything other than... Inverted sounds inside out. You know what I'm saying? You're kind of not wrong. Like a 69 is inverted? I think inverted is just like in this sense that Dr. Dan is defining it different. So if I was a businessman here, which I'm not. Okay. I would say, well, Dr. Dan, you need to explain what... your base position is.
Define that, because there's certain legal things here that is not lining up. Inverted positions. So is this, I guess, I assume this is on top of what... Yeah, because the next line says dog fashion. Right, and that's 2250 as well. With included barking and yelping. Barking and yelping.
Definitely. But, so this guy, it's like old lighters. And some of them are just like, it looks like a little clam. And then you open the clam and it's just bang. Like a fucking flame. Yeah. And it's so sick, dude. You know what's cool? Yo, I don't really, I mean, I don't know. I don't know if I love torches. I love torches. My dad, my dad. Yeah, like, no, no, no. What? My dad.
$2,050. Whoa, that's way too much.
We're saying 1960, yeah. So 1960 would be $26 now? I'm not throwing that in. I'm not barking and yelping. For $26, barking and yelping. Well, I imagine, so he's doing the barking and yelping. womb stretch 39 25 you're jumping ahead here joey jumping ahead what's a womb stretch is this that you're going like this i mean bro what's 39 25 put that in that's gotta be okay 300 bucks what is it 25
$421 to get your womb stretched? Honestly? What is a womb stretch? That sounds like it's medicinal. Maybe Dr. Dan does have some knowledge. That sounds like a birth. Maybe he's like a part-time obstetrician. Is that a doctor name? That's what the OB in OBGYN stands for, brother. Fire. Yeah, you know that.
Barking and yelping right now sounds so not worth it when you consider you if you just level up a little bit you get I mean listen if you're into if you already got $27 for caressing yeah, you might as well, bro You might as well you might as well throw barking in there if you're into search oh That's you caress caressing yeah, okay, I got you the caress and the bar I have understood Can you give me your best bark?
No, no, no. What kind of dog? Well, so he specifies barking and yelping, so I imagine barking is a larger dog.
What is a womb stretch? I think that's like you want to stretch it. But that sounds more, like I said, medicinal.
Because that'll stretch it. That will stretch it. Joey, you can't. Of course it will. Everyone knows that. All right, we got to move on from the womb stretch. Wait. $50 for tongue bath. A tongue bath? 50 bucks? I mean. I'd rather be stretched in my womb. Joey, at the time, there were not. What is a tongue bath, by the way? I imagine that's cunnilingus. Well, no, because the next is muff dive.
What is the difference between? All right. Oh, muff dive is if you have hair. So, I mean, so then by appointment, you need to hope that this guy is a beard because muff dive might not be always available. Muff. I think it's pubes. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe he charges like if you are. If you got a lot of pubes. If you have a lot.
Hey, man. Well, at the time, women would be like, I'm not feeling great because I've been home all week with the kids. And he's like, you're crazy. I'm going to get you a lobotomy. So clearly men had no sense of being a gentleman back then. Have a cigarette about it. Yeah, exactly. You're pregnant? Here, just smoke this. You'll feel great. $100, put that in.
How much is $100 with a... I mean, we could do the simple math. It's $1,000, yeah. $50 was $7, yeah. Bro, a muff thigh for $1,000? Dr. Dan may be a little out of the price range of a normal purse. Well, I mean... That's a lot. Clearly, this gentleman was...
uh one of a kind i mean have we seen other or heard of any other doctors giving by the way also giving out card this was like the card the sesame drinks card that we knew when we were maybe that's what dr dan evolved into he stopped pleasuring lonely widows and he started selling alcoholic drinks Yo, this is also kind of crazy right now because there is a womb stretch on this thing.
My dad always had, because my dad gave up smoking cigarettes to smoke the better option, which is black and mild. Right. And he would light it with a plumber's torch, which is the fucking torch with the giant propane canister underneath.
But on the front of the card, it says being gentle with virgins.
Can you do me a favor? Urban Dictionary tongue bath. Just so we're on the same page. What do you think it is? Like, what do you think? I just think it's eating out, cunnilingus. Oh, maybe a tongue bath is just like soaking but tongue. You know what I'm saying? Like just taking a bath, just chilling out. Tongue bath, the art of licking the entire body of your partner. A literal like you're a dog.
Oh. So it's literally he's licking her whole body. He's doubling down on the barking and yelping. And now he's like, I'm just, we're a dog as it is. Now I understand why it's 50 bucks. That's a big job. To lick a whole body? Oh, my God. And that could be a disgusting job. Have you ever licked your hand or arm? That could be gross. I've watched you lick your hand a lot.
Yeah, my hands are a little dry right now. I haven't moisturized today. Yeah, you lick them like a cat. But basically, that's what he's doing. So then just do me a favor. Confirm what a muff dive is on Urban Dictionary. Just so we're all on the same page. We know what we're paying for. Honestly, $50 for a tongue bath? Might be low balling it. I don't know.
Performing all sex on the family. Exactly. So we figured that. Okay. All right. So time limits per hour. $37.50 on top of all this? So, yeah. So if you're doing an hour of plain insertion, that's running you $57.50. Now, you're getting into, I imagine a tongue bath comes with a minimum amount of time. You know, like union rules.
It's like if you have them come in for even 20 minutes, they need a minimum of four hours of pay. And like they're going to take a break in the middle of that. Yes, they need their union mandated breaks depending on the amount of time before they go into compliance. We don't want to get into HR issues here, which is clearly Dr. Dan is worried about. OSHA certified. Also, all night being 12 hours.
Bro, whose night is 12 hours? That's bananas. The world's night is 12 hours, brother. Nah, night is not 12 hours. Standard night is 12 hours. No, it's not. We have evening. I think at the time, Joey... It was only day and night? This is bullshit. I mean, that sounds about right. All night, 12 hours, 150 flat rate. Hold...
All right, so Joey is clearly skipping ahead here into the bottom portion of this. We have the sides. We have the... We've gotten to the entrees. The shareables. The shareables. So extra attention. The first one there for $1.15, you could do titty chewing. Which, what is that?
And he would light it like this.
And that thing was fucking wild. Yeah, he doesn't have eyebrows anymore because of that. That's an insane thing to be lighting that with, by the way. I mean, it's my father. Does anything surprise you about it? It is true. Were your parents smokers? No. I mean, one time, my dad, like, never smoked. I don't think he's ever smoked in his life. Really?
i don't know we know what it is i don't know what you want me to chew on those tits i mean a titty chewing sounds like there's more teeth involved than normal yeah i mean i think that like yeah what is this dude you know that like john d rockefeller's the neglected wife is just like i'm give me the everything on the menu chew on my two of everything yeah Titty chewing? Chew on my tits like a cat.
For $1.15, some people, you know, there have been claims that people get off just from titty play. Yeah, there are. No, there's no claims. There's a small percentage of women who can orgasm just through titty play. I don't know that from experience. Relax.
French kissing, I love that he specified mouth.
$2.75 steel and then underneath in it says pussy see muff and see muff dive see muff dive see muff and the eye is upside down yeah I don't know I think the french kissing is for the mouth this price but if they want it somewhere else they need to refer to muff dive got it oh genius genius aunt clearly aunt yeah good for you you got any grandparents named dan
French tickler. What is that? We're back to Urban Dictionary. We got to find out what that is. French tickler. I imagine.
I love a good inside pocket because then people think you have a gun. Nothing is cooler than when I'm wearing a suit and I put money in there. Bro. Dude, it makes me feel so... Hey, welcome back, by the way, guys. Yo, at weddings, when you have, like, the card... And you pull it out and you're just like, this is for you? Yeah, but have you ever... Have you ever...
Wow. This guy. What was it? The Nikola Tesla of sex? Yeah. Used for... A massaging accessory at the tip. Why is it specified used by those who play guitar and suck toes to do both incredibly?
what is the play guitar i couldn't tell you all right um all right okay now we have a finger diddle which we know what that is we figured out what the finger diddle is yeah and then vaseline if needed flat rate 125 that makes sense of course there are some people that require that 125 a 13 dollar up charge yeah well no i mean a bottle dude Yeah. Whoa.
And this was when it was made from like legit like petroleum. Like you were basically getting like gasoline rubbed on your shit. Yeah. This is crazy. Is there a number on the front? No, I checked for that. Okay. God damn.
Is it? I imagine there's gotta be. You just gotta run into the doctor again.
Yeah, dude. What do you mean, did they have phones? Have you never seen anything from that time? This phone's probably from the 60s. That's more like the 70s. I know my phones. I know my phones. I would say that's probably from the 70s. Could you imagine just being like, pick that up and calling Dr. Dan on a rotary phone?
I've never seen him smoke, and I remember them saying. Oh, my God. I can only imagine you asking him. Dad, have you ever smoked? Yeah, he would be so offended. We have gotten it out of my mom. I've been like, Mom, you used to smoke weed. And then she's like, I... And I'm like, whoa!
Imagine the other one where it's like you have two pieces and you're like, Hello? Dr. Dan? Come chew on my tits. Titty chewing is bananas. Titty chewing is pretty. Yeah, that's cool, though. I like that. I hope wherever Dr. Dan is, I imagine he's dead just like the rest of everyone at that time. Yeah, he probably is. Crazy. You don't make it out after this. Crazy. He's not living a long life.
Bro, if I, like, seriously, if I had grandparents that, like, loved each other. I saw this. I'm like, what the fuck? This would ruin my... Because you know how like... This would ruin your life. You'd be so upset by this for some reason. Well, no. If it was just like farting. If it was like an old-timey gramophone recording of my grandmother farting, I'd be pissed. It's a giant gramophone.
And he's like, plays it. Grandma. I told you when my grandmother died, we found like saucy letters that her and my grandfather sent back and forth to each other.
Yeah, basically. Yeah, because my grandfather was in the Korean War and they like wrote messages back and forth like postcards.
And it was just like one of them was just like, I can't wait to hold you in my bosom. And like that was that was that's basically titty.
Yeah, that was sexting at the time. I've never found anything of my dead grandparents, uh, anything horny, honestly. I mean, I, you know, sex is a part of life. So like you do have to imagine that like your grandparents were doing it crazy. You know, my grandpa on my mom's side was dead before I was born. That's right, yeah. So I don't know how much sex she was having.
Yeah, I mean, I think there was also a type of woman that was just like, I've lost my life partner, and I'm just going to be celibate for the rest of my life.
She was like, God's watching, and now my husband's watching.
The vents didn't get cleaned out. Yeah, well, I don't think that we should say it like that. I mean, my grandparents, too. Although, I will say one of my grandparents... Actually, both of my grandfathers were kind of dogs. In what way? Not, like, in, like, the D-A-W-G way. Like, they both had affairs and left their wives. Oh, okay. And then went and had children with the other woman. Right.
So they were really interested in sex. Yeah. And then, like, one of them... I'm not going to say who. I'll narrow it down to two. We're not, I can't even follow your family.
Yeah. Yeah. It'll be honestly me neither because they mix because some of the branches go into the other branches. That's why you hear this shit. Oh, you're confused. His uncle, like, no, no, no, no. There are two cousins that are distant cousins, like third cousins, that distant meaning they live 10 miles from each other. Go ahead. They, they, they are now married. Um,
That'll do something to the root of the tree. Yeah, and they have a kid whose eyes are in his mouth. Yeah. No, no, no. I'm kidding. I don't even know if they were able to have kids. God bless. I think that's a good place to start some ads, I think. Oh, I was going to tell you about my... Who's your uncle? No, it's not.
That's a three. Fuck. But, yeah, so I think my mom, like, smoked a little bit of the grass, the devil's lettuce. Well, you definitely shouldn't say that. There's definitely better ways to say that. Devil's lettuce? Yeah, because weren't β it was β I think, like, all those, like, old-timey terms for weed were kind of, like, a little insensitive toward people of color.
One of my grandfathers had an affair and then was with the new woman and would fly the other woman, like his original wife, to come spend weekends with him. In the house?
Crazy stuff. Baller. Uh.
That's crazy that you're just appropriating like the way that like fucking people did that. I mean you told us so we were to smile on your face. I feel like I'm the only one who should get credit here. Look at this. Look at this. Look at this smile. There's no smile.
You're happy. Any of your grandparents cheat on each other?
They were all, let me guess, they were all happy until the end.
You still got a pair left? Wait, both of them or like one and one? No. Hold on, read the ads. I'm going to ask you about your fucking old ass grandparents.
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Well, yeah, because they β it was, like, a popular thing to smoke by β
There is a lot of bangs, and none of them are from Dr. Dan. I'm sure there's tons from Dr. Dan. So you got a pair left? We got a pair. Good for you, man. Are they like, how old? Are they in their 70s or 80s?
Wow, so they're young. What?
Okay. I mean, still kind of relatively, I guess not. Everyone back then, they were having kids. They were like, you're 20 now. Time to have a child. Yeah. Crazy. You like them? Yeah.
what do you call them something white like oh my god do you have those names and again it's my italian side so it's nono and nana oh okay that's not too bad yeah i like that did you abuela abuelita abuelito yeah and then yaya and papu his accent is so fake no that's what we say yeah yeah yeah i mean yeah yeah you were there yeah yeah yeah i know you can't not say that but papu I never met Papu.
black men and women so like the white people were just like you know you know how they be but what i thought the devil's lettuce was like because it's a drug also yeah like but like there's another word for them i don't want to say because it's it's kind of mean but like it has to do with a type of music and then they call it the music cigarette I've never heard that before in my life.
Yeah. Did you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We used to see him. When did he grow? The same year as my grandmother, as his ex-wife. Damn. So he came to the wake and he was just like, he showed up. He came to the wake and then died that year? Yeah. Damn, bro. All people die because of broken hearts. It's kind of sweet. I mean, no, I don't think he had a broken heart. I think he was like super cool.
He was super cool with it. I mean, he showed up, bro. He probably broke his fucking heart. Honestly, bro, if I showed you a picture of this man, you'd say, get the fuck out of here. Why? Because there is the Greek-est looking man on the planet. The Greek-est looking man. I'll show you. I'm picturing cigarettes. Hell yeah. And gold chains. Mmm, I don't remember gold chains. Hairy chests.
Hell yeah. The mustache, dude? You couldn't believe it. Fuck, I really want to show you right now. Why feet are sitting down outside of the cafe? This guy, he had several restaurants. He was like a cook. Wow. And that's, you know, the guy was fucking something. But yeah, he came to my grandmother's, and he would always, he'd scare me when we were kids. He'd pop his teeth out. He had dentures.
He'd look at me and he'd go, and he'd fucking drop his teeth out of his mouth and scare the shit out of me. He's a good guy. Damn, that's crazy. Yeah, he's a good guy. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about this thing.
Apparently there was a β wait, before I even get to that, which maybe probably at this point we will never get to, but I wanted to ask you this question that I thought of yesterday, and I was like, would you drink a full β Let me just pull it over here. Would you drink a full 16-ounce cup? A pint. A draft beer. A pint. Of a random person's piss. Right?
can't throw up or else it doesn't count yeah you think you can do that i start gagging right now and you'll throw up i'll be all right if you get the fuck out of here 16 ounce glass of a random person's piss you have to get the whole thing down you can't throw up is there a time limit on what how long it takes me to drink this piss No, but why would you want to stretch it out?
I mean, if I only take a little bit and I stretch it out to, you know, like two, three days. Oh, no way. I think you just chug it as fast as you possibly can.
Yeah. If anything, you get one wish and it can't be money. So then what could the wish be? There's other things in the world besides money, you pig. Crazy with the pig. What do you mean? Crazy. What would you wish for? I have some questions. Go. Is the piss diseased? So that's the thing. It's a random person's piss. If it is diseased. Is it diseased piss?
Is it dirty piss? Here's the thing. If it's yellow, it ain't some clear, you know, guy. Okay, so I can't even. I'll know it's piss.
There's no doubt about it. It is so piss. Is pee carbonated? Shouldn't be. No. I've seen some bubbles in my pee. He's going to the computer. P is not carbonated. Are we okay, guys? Do we even know what that means? It's in there. It can't be. Because urine carbonated always seems so bubbly. I think it's just like if you smash water together. Well, that's Quora. We don't know how accurate Quora is.
Let's go to that one. Northwestern medicine. This is foamy urine. Oh, my God. If we're going to find out.
I'm sick. Let's not click it.
Frank's going to find out. Oh, no, no, no. An STD. What causes foamy urine? Your kidneys.
Have you ever heard that? You're so tapped into, like... Yeah, man. But backtracking a little bit. Again, you know I'm not a cigarette smoker, but... If you pulled out of your jacket, those like old timey metal things that like held cigarettes.
So, is it a diseased piss? So, you don't know. But if it is a diseased piss, I don't even know if, I mean, I'm sure you can get sick from drinking piss, probably. But, like, if you drink the piss, it's not like you're impervious to the sickness. The only thing is you won't, like, have some long-lasting thing that happens to you.
So, if it's diseased, it might be something that's easily curable, whether it be that day or a couple weeks. Right, but you'll feel the effects of the piss. Well, yeah, I mean, it's piss. Rarely poses a health risk. Okay, so there you go. I mean, of course, there's, you know, STDs and stuff in there that I would not want. Can you get STDs from drinking piss? I believe so.
Bro, it's like bodily fluids. Pathogens contained in urine rarely poses a health risk. Yeah, but bodily fluids. These bodily fluids do not spread HBV, saliva, tears, sweat, or pee. Huh, interesting. Okay. There you go. Would you do it? Ant has a question. Ant.
Great question. Can I mix it with anything or it's got to be straight peak? No, no, no. All right. You could chill it, but you can't put ice cubes in it. Well, then how are you chilling it? Are you just letting it sit in the fridge for? Yes. Answer your own question very easily. Pour it over a couple dash of bitters. Can I make it into something else? You have to taste the piss full on.
I mean, I'll taste the piss. Yeah, no, you're going to have to full piss it. Because if I put it in like an alcoholic drink, like a pina colada. That would be a good pee pee It would be the easiest piss I ever drank Yeah Wait you've drank more piss?
Why did you do this? Like, it didn't matter what the wish for.
So you can't see him, obviously. But Joey goes, what do you wish for? He goes, teleportation. Like, obviously, idiot. Like, what else would I wish for? I didn't know that it was obvious. I thought it was just like, whatever, teleportation. Like, I'm not even going to think about it. I would wish, you know what I would wish for? I would do it, yes. Because, whatever, brother. Piss.
Me and piss are like this at this point. It is a random piss. It's not your piss. I mean, if there's nothing about the piss that's gonna be like... And you also said don't throw up. I'm taking the chance. There's a good shot I'm gonna throw up. And you would spread it out over a course of days? Just two days. A little sip of piss. You know?
I feel like that would just make the whole experience much worse. Like I'm continuously going back and forth. All right, so maybe I'll try to chug it. I don't know. In this hypothetical, I'm sorry I haven't figured out. Can't hold your nose either. Can't hold your nose. That doesn't work for me. People that do that where they're like, and they take a shot, still taste it. You do that shit.
No, I don't. Yeah, you do.
I thought he does. I'm just going to, I'm backing you up here. Thanks. Yeah, I mean, I'm taking the chance. And then I'm wishing for, like...
tony stark level intellect i'm talking like this the brains to be able to do anything and figure out anything i want to make it clear so not world peace not wishing for i can make i can hold on hold on i can teleportation yeah what do you mean so you're not taking world peace mister i can fucking snap of a finger you're good you'd be jumper that's what you want to be the 2006 movie jumper he just wants to be able to get back and forth from epcot
And you made them earlier. They're like, yeah, they're like, you bought the tobacco at the store. See, I would do that. Really? I mean, it's still bad. It's still bad tobacco. Duh. That's not why I'm saying I would do it. I would do it because it's just cool. Or, honestly, I hate this aesthetic, but there is something about a rolled up cigarette pack in your sleeve.
He's like, I could get to Disney like this.
I'm saying, yeah, because with that intellect, I could solve world peace, you know? Tony Stark wasn't able to, but I could. I don't think no one's smart enough to come up with world peace. I just don't think the rest of the world is willing. That's true. That is true. But I would be willing. I'd be smart enough that I'd be able to make them willing, you know, with my Iron Man armor.
Is your wish that you'd be Iron Man? No, but just like Bruce Wayne-level intellect. Because with that intellectβ He picked two billionaires, by the way. Well, Bruce Wayne is not just aβ By the way, he's known to having a genius-level intellect. It's not like I'm picking Elon Musk, who very well could be a dummy. I'm saying you did pick two billionaires, though. Okay.
All right, Charles Xavier intellect. Is that just mind reading? Well, he's also very smart. I don't know. He's a professor. He's a professor. There's so many. Sorry that all the smart people I can realize. Stephen Hawking, you know? Yeah. Very smart. Very smart. You know? But I'm just saying. Yeah, yeah. But you say, like, you would want to be as smart as you can possibly be.
The smartest to ever exist. Like, there's nothing out of my intellectual reach. Okay. Drinking piss to get there. Yeah, whatever. I mean, listen, man. That's life. You can't make an omelet without cracking a couple eggs. You can't be smart without drinking a couple cups of piss. Yeah.
But, okay. Same thing. Wait, what are you wishing for? Uh, what did I say? I said that I would wish for, I would never get sick. Patek fully perpetual calendar. I would get, I would never get sick. That would be, that would be a good one, but I would be smart enough to figure out that I'd never like, I can never get sick. I don't think that you, the brain, I can cure the common cold.
What do you think? Because you're smart, bacteria dies? Well, no. If my brain knows no bounds, then I would be able to solve all of the world's problems. Hunger, war. I mean, you don't have to be a genius. Sickness. Frank, you don't have to be a genius. Like I said, you can figure out how to do world peace, but people have to be willing.
Yeah, but that's the other part of it, is that you need to be smart enough to understand how they're going to be willing. So I'd be smart enough to do it all. No.
Well, now you used the M word. I never said manipulate. I just said that I'd be smart enough to figure it out. Right. Yep. What would you wish for? Oh, you said never get sick again. I could never get sick. Like, I just know that, like, I'll just always be healthy no matter what. But does that mean that you'll live forever? No.
Because technically, dying of natural causes is as a result of sickness. Yeah, so, like, I also thought about that, too. I mean, obviously, I'm still, like, I could get hit by a bus. Like, that could happen. Damn, that sucks. It does suck, but that's a reality. So why not wish? You could get hit by a bus, too. Genius. No, because I would be smart enough to not get hit by a bus.
To get out of the way. I'd be smart enough to not. I'd understand the probability of a bus hitting me that day, and I would remove myself from that opportunity. Yo, you doing this as the smartest person in the world, I would kill you with a gun. But I would know that you'd be pissed and I would see the gun killing coming.
I knew that I would, you know, like Ozymandias, another, again, a billionaire. You don't know who that is. I don't know. Who's Ozymandias? From the Watchmen. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay, but now, same thing, and it can be money. Okay. Human shit. Log of poop. One log of poop. Yeah, but, like, the master log. I didn't know you had different rankings for cracks. But you know what I mean.
Oh, like your fucking Johnny from the fucking greasers? Yeah, exactly. When we were kids, when I would do Cub Scouts, my sister and I- What? You did Cub Scouts? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did Cub Scouts. Do you have badges?
Just, all right, so a good, like, just, I mean, that's too big. Yeah. You know what I'm saying. Yeah. But just a log of solid shit this large. And it's a random person, bro. And I can't do anything to this log of shit. You could use a fork and knife. Can I throw up? Because that is gonna make me throw up. That's gonna make me throw up. Yes, you can throw up.
Yeah, so then I'm taking the shot, baby. You're taking the shot?
And you're definitely getting sick. I mean, you're eating bull. Well, actually, no, I'm not. And I'll tell you why. Because with the cup of piss, I have the genius intellect to figure out how to become the smartest man, richest man alive. No, this is the... What does that have to do with eating the shit?
I won't have to eat the shit and wish for money because I already have the intellect to figure out how to be the richest person on the planet.
And that doesn't even mean that I would use my intellect for that. Maybe. He's like, if I'm smart, then I can invent. And now I'm back to the billionaire. I'm yeah, I'm like obviously different worlds. You're are you would you eat the shit?
Can I chill it? What is this? Can I chill honestly, I feel like it'd be better hot I Hot and ready like Little Caesars Can I chill it is such a funny question Why you wanted to be like sausage I'm gonna get him. I'm gonna get him once you want it to be like
But, like, you want to be able to cut it like a sausage?
Okay. Chopsticks? Oh, like a sush?
I was a Cub Scout. I don't think I finished.
What about... Oh, no. I got hiccups now. You deserve that a little bit. That's kind of disgusting for some reason. They have hiccups during this conversation. Go. Keep going. Keep going. What were you going to ask next? What are you doing? Oh, is this how you're going to get rid of them? Oh, you do the keep. You've done that a lot on a show. On the show.
yeah i mean yeah yeah so far wow um god bless yeah so yeah well if it means if it means a comfortable life for everyone i know i will gladly eat a log of human shit six ounces of semen six ounces what is that fluid ounces Yeah. Well, I think there's a difference between fluid ounces and just weight.
I think that means something else, but it was at St. Francis. It wasn't very long, but I remember my parents, they used to dress me as fucking Danny Zuko from Grease, and my dad used to put an empty pack of Marlboro Reds in my t-shirt as like a five-year-old. Wait, I thought Cub Scouts wear uniforms. But, like, they had, like, you had to make, like, those cars.
No. Two shots. Two shot glasses, I meant. Oh! Two shot glasses. I don't know. I can't pick the person.
Honestly, I think that's where I draw the line. Semen. Yeah. Two shot glasses of blood. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'll ask for a third. What's a... Ew, dude. I'm kidding. Two bloods is crazy. Nah, blood, that's... Really? I'm disgusted by it. Really? Like arm, like blood. If it's my own blood, I don't care. It's not your blood. That's the point. It's a random person's blood.
The idea of drinking a random person's blood is so disgusting.
Let's be very clear. All this was gross and probably got us demonetized a while ago. Probs. But good morning to whoever is watching the show. Yeah, on their drive to work. We're like, it's going to be a beautiful day. It's going to give you something to think about for the rest of the day, though, because you are going to probably ask your friends, like, yo, are you drinking this piss?
That's a good question. Yeah. I'm going to ask. Yo, the piss thing is probably like anyone who says no is a fucking idiot and you should kick them out of your lives. Like you should be able to easily drink a glass of piss. Piss means nothing to me.
Bear Grylls is different, though. I know. He's a weirdo. I think there's some stuff about Bear Grylls that's not very nice. How about the fact that his name is Bear Grylls? Awesome. Definitely can't be his real name, though. Yeah. Definitely. Give us that.
If he has a whack name. Yeah, if it's like Roger Stevenson, I'm going to be so pissed. Bear Grylls' real name. Edward Michael Grylls.
No, it's not. And honestly, he deserves to drink his own piss.
oh his sister gave him the nickname bear when he was a week old so it's not his own all right you know what but he also perpetuates it because you know he goes around he's like my name's bear you know he does it so damn he's what's his wife's name shauna looks like shara what does that say where oh here shara grills shara oh shara grills or is that a weird sarah Maybe it could be.
for giving anyone anything for my jacket pockets of course it is really cool you haven't smoking cigarettes which is cool all not actually know it is don't do it don't do it don't look don't do it yet but like uh... at weddings sometimes that the car i got is too wide and uh... i hate that it's so fucking i hate that listen as a former cigar smoker You gave it up? You're a retired cold turkey?
Cause there's a lot of like Irish names that are like, it's spelled and it's like, the name is like Siobhan.
It's like, but it's, it's spelled like Sheboygan or something. Yeah. Like what are we doing here? Yeah. Well, we don't want to offend anyone that speaks Gaelic. So, right. Or anyone that watches this name Siobhan.
Or anyone that's watching this name Saoirse. What's that? That's another like Gaelic Irish name. Like the actress Saoirse Ronan. It's spelled like S-A-O-I-R-S-E. Soiree. There's a lot of those. There's a lot of those like really difficult to pronounce Gaelic names. I used to tell people I was Gaelic because I just thought Gaelic meant Irish. I didn't know. There's no way you were getting.
Like when I heard gay lick in like 2004, I was just like, huh? A gay lick? Yeah. Ew. You speak what? You're going to gay lick your boys? That's an interesting question. I think that's where we can end. Right there. You know what I mean? With gay lick. Right. Gotcha. Okay. I mean, all right. Where can they find you, Frank? Drinking a cup of piss to become the smartest man in the world. I wish.
You never saw those where, like, you had to, like, woodwork a car and, like, win a race? My dad put so many quarters in that thing. You strike me as a Cub Scout. No, no, no.
FAlvarez8085 on Twitter. The Frank Alvarez on all other forms of social media. Go check it out. Patreon. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. If you're coming to any of the shows in Europe, TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Go follow TheBasementYard on everything. Go follow Joe on everything. Go follow Ant on nothing. And then, yeah. You saw that coming. You did. You saw it. Yeah, I did. You saw it.
Yeah. Go, go, go. Anyway, guys. I love how he goes like this. He goes like, prepare. Yeah, anyway, guys.
One more time. Yeah, his eyes are going. All right, guys. Seriously, this time we're not going to.
Turn off the lights when you leave the basement. Better? Okay.
Well, I think you need to go from one to the other. You can't be an Eagle Scout if you don't start as a Cub. I don't know the hierarchy. I stopped at Cub. I was done. I think I saw too much.
Were you a part of clubs when you were younger? I will say I did go camping with some Boy Scouts once, and it was an experience. Were you a Boy Scout?
Or were you an adult? I'm not an adult. Because the way you said that. It was like I went camping with some Boy Scouts. I was in middle school, and some of the kids that I went to school with were like β you remember some of them. Yeah. They were Boy Scouts, and, like, we went for, like, two nights. And it was just like β I don't remember where. It was somewhere in New York.
But, like, it wasn't, like, anything intense. It was one of those, like β you ever see those TikToks of that guy that's, like, in the wilderness, and there's, like, a shack that's, like, four campers? The guy with β The guy that's just like, so we're gonna be digging out. Is that the guy with the glasses? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that guy. I will kill for him.
We watched one of his videos when we were in Vancouver. We did. We threw it on the TV. This dude gets like 28 million fucking watches a month. He's like, look at this. And then he takes a stick out and he's like, 14 foot snow. I'm like, dude, get off of that. It's dangerous, my guy. I love, I forget what his, I think it's like Brave Wilderness or some shit like that. Yeah, I don't know.
But he's like, So today we're going to be like, I brought this homemade bread and it's just dough in a bag. And he's like, and I got this honey butter and he's just scooping charred bread that he made over the fire into honey butter.
There is a TikTok account that I, there's a couple of them, but there's one in particular that I don't remember the name, but it's this dude who has the sharpest knife in the world. Is it the obsidian knife? What is that? Star Wars? Sword from Zelda? What is that? Do you want me to go off about the swords from Zelda?
Because there's the Skyward Sword. All right, go ahead. No, but this guy, he, like, goes out into nature, and he'll find a piece of wood or something, and then there's, like, a river. So he'll, like, grab a fuckβhe'll get a fish, and then, like, he'll scale the fish.
And he like takes a big like rock and he wets it and cleans it in the river And then he just like puts it on he cooks a steak on this fucking and then he's got the steak and then he takes it like a piece of rosemary or just like a piece of Leaf and then he like dips that in olive oil and he goes like this and I'm like do this guy's not worried about And he throws an onion in the air and he catches it on his knife and
God, whatever this big knife guy is, you love your knife, and I love your skills. I love your knife and skills as well. Those are the best, dude. When he throws the onion and then catches it, and then he turns it over, and then he starts going, shung, shung, shung, shung.
I think I'm done, baby. You're a cold turkey. I'm gone. Yeah, I got nothing.
Oh, it's so good. You know why I like it? Because I know I could never do it. Dude. And then when he slices like rosemary, like extra thin, and he's like, Rosemary rosemary is like a leaf.
That's not what I'm talking about Oh, but he has like parsley and yeah And he's like Like he has like a mortar and pestle and he puts like peppercorns in it and he's like the dude Dude, it's sharp and then he and then he yeah, yo, bro.
My turkey. Because I got no reason to right now. What was the reason before? Enjoying it. How is that not the reason? I don't know. Maybe if the time was right. But right now, I'm in a place of just like, I don't need it. I'm trying to not die. But whipping out a cigar and then whipping out a Zippo lighter out of one of those bitches and just being like, Zippo lighters. Oh, dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, yo, there's salt and pepper. It's everywhere. But you're like, I'm going to make it. I could see you in a couple years after all this is said and done. Joey's going to be one of those. He's going to be it. And I'm proud of you. Thank you. I've done it. I know, but, like, the prospect of you doing it, I'm proud of you. Yeah. I would love for, like, a Patreon video.
Do you know the Canadian one? Go ahead.
The skipping continued on your side.
You mean Duck Hunt, but... I do mean Duck Hunt. You mean Duck Hunt. Awesome.
Unbelievable. And then, so the guy I was going to bring up before, I forgot who he is. As if his name would matter here. I don't know. He, like, makes, like, ancient tools. And he's, like...
He has a piece of cowhide on his leg, and he holds a piece of obsidian, and he takes a rock.
Obsidian is super-cooled lava that becomes glass. And like a lot of like ancient, uh, um, I was gonna say companies, no ancient cultures and, uh, uh, what's it civilizations would make tools out of this shit because when it, it breaks so thin and it's like 30 times sharper than a scalpel and you don't need to sharpen it because the more it breaks, it just breaks thinner and thinner.
So like old swords, Look up old obsidian swords. Look that up right now. Old obsidian swords. Do they sell this? Let's get a sword. Let's get a sword in here? Yeah. Old obsidian swords. Look at this.
And they were like the ancient, oh man, I feel bad that I won't be able to understand like correctly.
Aztec. Okay. And they would like shing, shing, but then they'd catch them and then rip it. And it would just fuck their shit up. Damn, dude. I'm not on ancient tool-making TikTok. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he, like, holds it. Whoa, are those obsidian fucking butt plugs?
But, like, if he, like, takes it and he's like, bang! And he hits it with a rock and it, like, pokes. It, like, cuts off.
Like, let's see some skills. You know what I'm saying? Well, I think what we do is very skilled. In a different way. It ain't making obsidian swords. I mean, you wouldn't see them going and selling out Radio City. What are they going to do? I would buy a ticket to that. If there was a... Hold on. Yeah.
If I could go to a show where a guy's gonna... Oh, you know you go to like a Peyton sip and you're like, ha ha. Like if someone's like, yo, we're gonna make ancient fucking swords in here. And we're gonna drink some wine. That's probably a little too dangerous. Alright, shut up. What if it's...
Uh, you know how they would do, like, the old-timey, like, people watching surgeries in, like, the theater in the round? I think they still do that. Yeah. I mean, weird now that we do that. Like, we could... It's for students. I know, but still stupid. Like, if they... I think the students should learn how to do surgery before they do surgery. Yeah, they could be in the room.
They don't need to be watching it like a fucking vulture. How are you going to get out? You're not in his way. Can I sit with you and watch? Yeah. Done. You don't need to fucking have it in a pod where people watch you like it's a lion's den. I think that's actually what they call it. Or maybe that was a wrestling match that included Ken Shamrock and Steve Blackman. Those are wrestlers. They were.
What a great... Bro, lighters? Lighters. All of them? Like, there's some... Metal ones. Metal lighters. Oh, yeah, like plastic BICs. Yeah, like, I'm not. Listen, no offense to BICs, but why pens and lighters? Like, why is that? That's very confusing to me, to be honest.
But... Yeah, I don't know either. I have no idea where we were. Now you've offended me. You've offended me. But if they did that, but like in there, they're not doing surgery. They're just like shaping wood into a canoe.
Just like woodworking. There's that guy. Remember that guy who went viral years ago on Twitch? I think he's from New Zealand or from Australia. And he's just a big happy dude. And he's just like...
You know, and he's just like, and like someone gifted him a sub and he's like, Oh, I want to send you the money back. You don't need to do that. I just like doing this. And now he's huge, dude. Yeah.
It's funny because... His name is like Brox or something like that. That's a sick name. So cool. But that's also the impression he does for David Beckham.
Maybe it's a little close. You know what? They are pretty similar. Bro, if I saw David Beckham and I heard him talk like that, I know I could beat him up. If I saw this guy, I know I can't. You think realistically you could beat up David Beckham? Absolutely not. I've seen him. I mean, maybe. You've seen him sitting down, Joey. He was standing at one point. But he's not that tall. He's what?
I see a three. I see a three.
I always wake up on my back.
Yeah, he does. And he doesn't move. And he's like, I think I'll go to sleep now.
When my arm's asleep, I hang it off of the bed so that it's like, I can feel the blood just like, oh, but then you can feel it.
No, it's like, it's like filling up my arm. And I was like, oh, and now I can move.
I'm just like getting the whole movement.
You ever try to hurt yourself? I do. Well, that's not what I want.
16 is kind of crazy. Putting the pillow over your face. I have done that though.
Yeah, pretty much.
Right. Then it's a pillow's turn.
The old people in the movie.
I would like to be in the fucking parade. What do we got to do?
Frank, look at me. NSYNC that's performing at the Macy's Day Thanksgiving Parade isn't up at 2 a.m.
At the count of three. At the count of 400. We're going to let go.
Oh, I'm an idiot. Yeah, you are. The strings are probably bullshit at this point. I don't think those people are holding them down. They're told by trucks. That makes way more sense.
Really? Because you seem to know the itinerary.
Let's rock and roll.
It was like, no, it's fine. You don't even need big tits to work here anymore. Yeah.
As long as you're willing to wear the underwear that's riding in your ass, we don't care how big your tits are.
I know, but that doesn't mean that like they're going away.
Let's go get atomic wings.
Let's back it up. Those two years are massive for me.
That's their whole thing.
Do you think people do beer towers at weddings?
You're super fucked up. Where's my keys? Where's my keys is not what I meant to say, by the way. I'm pretty sure. Yeah.
Try like ten. Ten summers where Frank refused. refused to drink beer unless it was in a boot glass. Or you'd wear the helmet. The helmet.
Don't sleep on Cisco.
Get two beer towers in here, and we should just crush them.
I mean, no, no, no.
Oh, what is this?
And not only that, but they also have a lot of tools that will help you optimize your traffic. It will let you know where the traffic is coming from. And with that, you can allocate your marketing funds or whatever it is.
ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click instantly to book an appointment. This is true. Before ZocDoc was even a sponsor on this, I used them because I had no idea how to even book a doctor after I was off of my parents' insurance. I was like, I have my own insurance, but I don't know who takes it or whatever it is.
That's very confusing, at least here in New York it is. So I looked online and I found ZocDoc. You put in your insurance, you put in like what kind of care you need. whether it be a primary care physician or a specialist or anything like that. Then you hit search.
That is getkickoff.com slash basement. Okay.
What are you upset about?
Weird, the things that you do, you know? That was a weird time.
Rider Strong. Sean Hunter.
That's a picture of a clown. Yeah, that's a clown, brother. Full on clown.
He was a bitch. He was. He was.
Massive. Massive house.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, she wanted to air it out.
Maitland knows what she's talking about.
Energy movements. Yep, yep, yep. This kind of thing. Yes. Also, isn't this so weird that growing up everyone had that one dude in the neighborhood who would randomly be like, is that the guy doing Tai Chi over there?
It's about balance you just Knocking some guy over and they're all just like yeah, how can you sit there?
Get like an ex-Navy SEAL and just have them be like, come up to the crowd. I need a volunteer. And just make them shit their pants. That would be so awesome. Can you imagine that?
It's like, whoa, dude. 1-800-PISS-GIRL.
You're smart. No, I don't.
Oh, is that? Whoa. Is that Topanga now? She was at like a WWE event recently. Look at that shirt. That's a Frank shirt there.
That's the redhead?
And I remember seeing that specifically where the lights go off and the lights turn on. Yes. And the guy's got a pencil through his head. Yep. And he slides down the wall and he goes, I'll always remember he was this tall.
I was scared of everything.
That night's too crazy.
Yeah, I didn't fuck with that at all.
that the strangers concept once you're getting into like haunting like i don't know why see i'm the opposite i things that are real freak me out way more than things that are like supernatural yeah but like uh i i agree but i i just feel differently about like haunting and like religious shit because i'm like oh i don't i don't know i mean yeah i mean you all you were also raised more religious than i was so like i can understand becca's like that though but that's not why it's like there's there's
accounts of Exorcisms like there's people who do them.
Yeah, dude, are you kidding me?
You cried about girls too. What up, bitch? I did. Remember when you cried?
Yep, full circle. That's how zoned in you were on Cisco that you remember the next day.
Wait, what was that, second grade?
Or I had a bunch, and I was just going through, and one of them said, Kelsey, it's from your best friend Kelsey. And then he went, what? And I looked at him, and he looked at me like I stabbed him. And he was like, I thought I was your best friend. And I was like, you are. She wrote that. I didn't write that. And he was like,
I wasn't being disloyal.
Yeah. That doesn't mean she's mine.
I won, bitch. Bro, do you remember when Kelsey moved away? I remember the next year. It was basically she went to Japan, dude. She moved 15 minutes out.
I mean, I don't remember. Get out of here.
That was unbelievable.
I remember one morning we were walking to school and I was wearing a headband. Not relevant to the story. But I was wearing a gray headband, and you wrote facts into the concrete, and I was too afraid to write my name in it.
Yeah. Sorry for the last five minutes. We're just reminiscing.
Yeah. Yeah. Guys, go follow the show at TheBasementYard on TikTok and Instagram.
Was that second grade?
That sounded like a little crazy, right? Because you always talk about how we went into the ice cream truck. Yeah.
You were, you were, they were actually. They were lemon. Those are much better than the, the, the Ninja Turtle ones that you love so dearly. Fuck you! Oh no, the Tweety Bird. Also fuck you!
Bro, we knew Lita.
Can someone explain how hard it could possibly be to put the gumball eyes in the right place?
I know, but we don't care anymore?
Thank God you had chocolate bunny. Question though. No.
I think I won one at a fair.
Named it Miss Crab Tree and Keith wanted it to like run around and like open the thing and then it just ran away. How fast could it have gotten away? Honestly, now that I'm thinking about it, maybe my mom just fucking tossed it. It's like, oh, it ran away.
Like I owned one.
And it's still great. And Lita pops out.
I didn't even tell you. I had a dream about you. Oh. Yeah.
I don't remember if there was anyone driving, but you were sitting in the passenger seat. Okay. And then I was just going, I was trying to talk, but I couldn't. Oh no. Like it was like, I'm trying to talk.
Frank! I hate that part of dreams. But you wouldn't hear me. Oh, no. Because eventually I'd get it out, but it would be so low. So then the next time I'd try to yell, but it would be like, Frank! No, no. You'd never fuck me up.
Just a little piece of underwear.
Or like you eventually throw it and it's like, oh, this is so, it's not going to hurt anybody.
There's almost no doubt in my mind.
What? It looks like you're in the middle of throwing a curveball. I know.
Damn, they started booing you?
Boy, oh boy, was I in trouble.
Whatever the fuck happened.
But the other guy was Perseus. He was shot with an arrow.
There it is. We got it.
You're just really spoiling everything. Yeah, I said, I said. Beating the fuck out of her, right? Disgusting beat up. And then fucking... I don't even know if she's alive or dead. I can't remember. But then at one point, they wake up and they're one.
Oh, but she's trying to make it. It's like you're not a cabbage patch doll. You like turn them sideways and their eyes close. Yeah. That's funny. Oh, you know what you should do?
You were about to say you mounted it on the ceiling.
Oh, what should we say for you? Oh, just so big and hairy or whatever.
He would count down his birthday, bro, like he's the queen. That was bananas. First of all, fuck you. Second of all, who the fuck are you? How did I get first fuck? How is fucking King Disney over here? When's your birthday?
Do you feel commanded?
No, if you want a real roar Yeah, you want a real roar? Yeah, give me a real roar. Alright, hold on.
Well, don't make me laugh. What am I doing? You want a real roar?
One more one more one more roar. I'll give you one more more. That's it. All right. All right Send us off with one more good. Oh, no, we're getting going. Yeah Yeah, you you were like this I need to
Your face is wet with tears, dude. Oh, no. Why are you crawling? Frankie's crawling. I'm gonna watch that a thousand times, dude. Immediately putting up that footage.
Oh, my God. You're so easy to get. Don't punch it. Oh, fuck, man. Can you roar?
What? Oh, God. You're so serious.
This is gonna... This is gonna... Yeah. Oh, God.
Oh, my God, dude. Yeah. So stupid. Yeah. Well, I think that's it.
He's gonna get him. He's to gag. It's crazy how easy you gag. It's insane how easy it is to get you gagged.
I have a laugh headache. Yeah.
There's problems there. Wait, no, T. There's problems.
What the hell is this shit? They have a glow stick shoved in their ass.
Yeah. We're a glow stick family. Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Yeah.
KΓΆnnen wir bitte ein Update von Scranton bekommen? Du weiΓt, ich sitze um die KΓΌchentafel. Mein Vater sagt mir, Joey, irgendwann wirst du auf der Dan Levitard Show geben, ein Update von Scranton.
Yes, sir. How are you? Thank you for taking my call. You got it. I really appreciate it. What's up, brother? Nothing much. So pretty much... I found my wife in an emotional affair with my neighbor for over a year now. I found out a couple weeks ago. I looked through the call logs on the phone. I knew something was going on between the two of them.
I confronted him three times, and I confronted her. I'm being honest with you. It was probably two to three times a day. We would consecutively argue about it. He would, by my son... clothing for school and just stuff for his room. And he would cook my wife dinner a lot. And in front of me, they had nicknames and everybody denied it. And I'm having a hard time believing her in anything she says.
Her mother passed away about two years ago, and she was swearing on her deceased mother and our son that nothing was going on. And then when I confronted her, it was... The blame was on my end, and things weren't good. It's been going on for about a year. We were on couples therapy starting this January.
I was unaware of everything, but I knew something was off in the marriage, and I was trying to make it better. I can't even get away because he's next to me at home, and he is there when I go to the gym, at the same gym, so I can't even have an escape. that way. And I'm not sure where to begin. I'm not even sure where my head is at. I can't trust anybody. And this is where I'm stuck at right now.
I'll just sit here with you. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate it. Do you have little ones? I do. I have one three-year-old son. Oh man. Yeah. I'm not even, I don't want to come home. Um, I, I, I literally can't get away. And she said that she broke it off with him. And, um, our houses are so close to you. If I put a hammer through the wall, you can probably see his living room.
That's how, you know, we're, we're right next door. Um, but, and, uh, you know, she said that she broke it off. And then about two weeks ago, I asked her, we were just talking and I asked her what she had for dinner and she said that she didn't eat. And this is something little, but it's just the fact that it happened.
She said that she didn't have dinner because she wasn't hungry because of everything going on. And then I got home. I work late and I got home that morning and there was food and that was not ours. And how I know is because it was on a paper plate that was not ours in the garbage. And she wasn't honest with me again. And, um, he keeps talking to her and saying hi.
And, um, yeah, they, they both said that it was nothing sexual, but I don't believe the two of them because like I said, he, I confronted him three times about it and my wife twice a day for two, three times a day for the last year. So.
I don't mean to throw another curveball at you. Throw them all, man. Throw them all. So this past February of this year, we jointly filed bankruptcy. So we could sell it. But as far as buying, I'm pretty sure we can't buy it.
Yeah.
Yeah. And they would FaceTime too. I forgot to mention that. Joe.
Yeah, I thought I was past the anger stage.
I thought I made the right, honestly, I thought I made the right call for staying for my son and try to work it out. But I'm just, I'm angry. I can't even look at her. It's like she, you know, she's trying in that aspect. But when I first found out it was like the end of June and I, I just said a divorce probably, I'm going to say like two, two weeks ago. Then that's when she started to change.
And, I'm like, well, you know, why did it take me to say a divorce? And, you know, I don't want to come home. I don't want to be around anybody. I'm angry. I'm upset. I can't believe anybody. I don't believe a word that she's saying, you know what I mean? Even though she could be telling the truth very well.
Yeah. Yes, sir. Yeah. Like one of the minute I leave for work, I leave the house around two and then that's when the calls would happen. Of course. Yeah. Of course they would. I guess I'm just still processing this and I don't even know.
Yeah, I have a three-year-old. Excellent. I don't want to make it worse for anybody.
I mean, yeah, she's, I mean, she's a great mom and I, you know, I couldn't ask for a better mother that way. Yeah.
And our son, like just to bring one more incident up, like, you know, we were painting our son's room and, um, we were in the middle of it and him and I started it and nothing was done. And she got the next, the following day, she got out of work at two. I left and I called her around my six 30 break time. And, um, she said that the room was finished and done.
And, um, I didn't believe her cause I know how much that takes, especially with a three-year-old by herself. And then I get home that next day because I get home at night and I look at the room and it's beautiful. Everything was cut in all the corners. And I look on the tarp and there was paintbrushes and rollers that I don't have.
And our son consecutively says that, I don't want to say names, but the neighbor, mommy and dad,
Yeah.
I know. I'm sorry. I hate it for you too. Sorry, it's just, you know, love's a funny thing. It's like, no matter how bad somebody hurts you, you just don't stop them. No, of course not. Of course not. I guess that's what I'm holding on to.
Um, yeah. Um, yeah, I'm, I'm pretty sure that's, you know, it's, what's going to happen. And she told him that, you know, she wants nothing to do with him, but, um, you know, yesterday he was, they were outside and she took my son and her, um, uh, herself and my son and the dog for a walk. And when she went down the street, you know, he was staring at her.
And when he got back, he, you know, he said, Hey, how are you guys? And she's like, you know, good. How are you? And that's something little, but it's the fact that we're going through all this. And it's like, I, you know, my expectation is no, no context. And I shouldn't even have to say that if you're willing to work with somebody, then her defense was, well, we're neighbors.
You know, what am I going to say? We're going to say hi. And I'm like, okay, but our marriage is on the line. Not a neighbor that you're having an affair with.
So apparently this is all verbal on the back deck. Exactly.
Hey, how's it going, John?
Yeah, it's pretty good. I can't complain too much.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is correct, yes.
I was calling because back in 2018, my father took his own life, and my kids were real young. Now that they're getting older, I try to keep him involved, keep him in their lives so they know who he is. My daughter now is asking how he died. Excuse me. I don't know how to tell her.
Andy.
Sorry.
Oh, he was great.
Yeah. He was a good dad. Taught me everything I know. I thought this would be easier.
Yeah. But it came very unexpected. I was not ready for it. I mean, not that anybody ever is, I guess. Out of the blue? Yeah, absolutely. He was at my house the day before and I didn't even know it was coming.
Hundreds.
Yeah.
I think about them every day.
It's good to hear.
They're currently nine and seven.
Okay. Yep. And they ask often, you know, I mean, I keep pictures around and I talk about them and they just, I don't know how to explain to him what happened. Okay. And I don't want him, I don't want him to think suicide is okay. Of course. But I don't want to stigmatize it either, you know what I mean?
Something that happened, so.
Um, I wouldn't think that it would come up. I mean, it's... I don't want to say that people don't talk about it, but it's not ever talked about in that sense, I guess.
Not all the time, but they see them, yeah. I mean, it happens.
Absolutely not, no. After the pain I felt, absolutely not. I couldn't do that to anybody.
Honestly, no.
Some days are better than others. I know.
Yeah, I want that.
Okay.
Yeah.
I know. I was not ready for that.
Woo-hoo. That's a win.
Well, thank you. I appreciate it. I think most days we can breathe at night knowing, you know, our kids would rather be home than most places. So that's a little parenting win when they're teens that they like to be home. They, you know, enjoy time with friends, but we're a safe place for them. And that's what my job was, and we've done it.
Hey, Dr. John. How are you?
Absolutely. That's it.
I'm doing well. I'm covered in snow up here, but other than that, we're great.
Thank you so much.
I used to live in Knoxville. I miss it.
No way. Yeah, it was a pretty great show.
So, yeah. So, my husband and I have been married. It'll be 18 years in August. Going really well. We're really happy. We have four kids. But it's brought up a couple of funny things. Our oldest will be 16 in February. So, heaven help us. But she came home from a friend's house the other day and brought up something.
She said, hey, mom and dad, like, I feel like you haven't prepared us for the real world. So, like, alarm... start going off. Um, and we asked her to elaborate on it and she said, well, you guys are kind of like Disney parents because you don't cuss and you don't argue and you're constantly saying things like we love you and we support you and we're really uplifting. I know.
So I totally didn't see this coming because she said when she went to her friend's house, the parents were bickering and cussing and we're really coming down on her buddies. Um, and she's never seen that before. So she said that, you know, when it comes time for her to get married and have relationships, we haven't demonstrated constructive conflict resolution.
Like, those are my words, obviously not my 16-year-old's words. But she's like, you guys never fight. Like, I don't know what that's going to look like when I get married. So then my husband and I have kind of been reeling with it. We don't know how to do that productively and not, you know, have the earth move from under our kids' feet because they've never seen that before.
But I also feel like we haven't prepared them well enough to go to battle on their own for when they're an adult.
We thought so until this came up. No, no, no.
Our kids haven't faced adversity because we've been there for them. But what I tell the kids all the time, what I tell our oldest daughter, because she's really great about breaking down and like analyzing situations. I'm like, listen, I can't control the world. I can control home.
And, and if something happens out there, you can come back here because you know, you have firm footing, but I can't protect you forever.
So when I have friends that tell me that they have gotten divorced or friends' parents that say, oh, you know, we made it look so easy. I think that's one of my biggest fears because my husband and I did overcome a lot, but it was way before the kids showed up.
They don't see that banter.
Their oldest will be 16 in February. But she came home from a friend's house the other day and brought up something. She said, hey, mom and dad, like, I feel like you haven't prepared us for the real world. So, like, alarms start going off.
Yeah.
So relationally, how do you think that would, I mean, I guess as she starts dating, we haven't crossed that yet, but as they start getting older with relationships, working through that also that way?
No, please.
Yeah. Yeah.
We've established, I mean, we have the dinners together and open dialogue. And honestly, we're doing the questions for humans, and she loves that.
Yeah.
It's just giving them the tools to be safe and
And that sounds so basic, but it makes so much sense.
That's terrible.
And you know, I'm like my husband and I are joking. I'm like, you know, you don't want to throw a fake argument. You know what I mean? I don't, we don't want to do that in front of our, we don't do that naturally. So that it sounds so strange.
Right. It doesn't look like war. It just looks like family dynamics, but she's learning what healthy looks like.
That's right. Every day.
That's another show, John. No, I'm totally kidding. We've come a very long way. We're very happy.
So I discovered that my mother was having an affair. At first, she kind of tried to deny it and lie about it. And she just said, you know, it was a one-time thing, but it was pretty clear cut that the evidence was there. And it came to a boiling point, um, where she finally admitted it and came out with the truth. But how to, obviously my father's very distraught by this. Um, how did he find out?
She borrowed my car and I found a box of condoms in my car after she borrowed them. Oh God. After she borrowed the car. From your mom? Yeah, I had to confront her on it. Dude, hold on.
It was... I went into a state of just shaking, and I felt like a ghost as soon as I saw it. I was like, this can't be real.
That can't be real. I mean, the whole thing just feels like a nightmare.
So I gave her the ultimatum. I said, good on you, brother. Good for you. I said, either, either you tell her or I said, either you tell him or I'm going to tell him. Good. I'm not living with that on my conscience.
So, you know, she ended up telling him a couple of days later. And, uh, but those couple of days just, I couldn't even look at my dad in the eyes. He, he could feel something was wrong. And, uh, It was just, it was horrible on me. It still is.
And obviously now he's very distraught and struggling because she continued to lie about it after I discovered it and just said, you know, it was a one-time thing. But then we found more evidence that it was clearly not just a one-time thing. And, you know, the phone calls, the text messages were pretty clear cut that this had been going on for, you know, a little over a month, maybe two months.
I mean, I guess how to like, I've been trying to help my, like, honestly, more out of it than anything. I'm more distraught for my dad because, you know, they've been together for over 30 years and you can't carry it, brother.
He's struggling so much. And my family, like my brothers and all that, they're all struggling with it too.
That's kind of the biggest thing. I've told my dad, I said... I've already explained to him. I said, you know, I'm always here for you. I get you have emotion because he's like, I feel sorry that, you know, that you guys have to go through this. And I said, man, it's not your fault. And whatever your decision, whatever going forward it is, I'm here for you.
I support you in whatever it is that you want to do moving forward with this.
Yeah, I already kind of went through that because I found out who the guy was. Like you said, I tried to be more wise than that. I decided, you know, that's just pure emotion. And once I let that emotion get over, I was like, all right, what's the next step? I'm not going to do anything to this guy because what's that going to do for anyone? Nothing.
I discovered that my mother was having an affair, and I found a box of condoms in my car after she borrowed them. From your mom? Yeah, I had to confront her on it. Dude, hold on.
Exactly. Right.
No, that's kind of one of the biggest things is like I was working and then recently it's the winter time. So I was working construction. My job stopped. I'm kind of looking for something else now. So that was already something that I was dealing with personally. and trying to figure out what's my next step, and then this got thrown.
I was kind of thinking about getting out of construction and doing something different like sales. Get on it. What would your thoughts be on that?
I guess the only other thing with that is I worry about right now is leaving my dad and leaving him alone. He's a grown man.
Yeah. It's just hard. It's seeing, seeing him broken and being him upset. I've never seen that. It's hard.
That's what I told him. He said, I feel selfish for letting you see this. And I said, Dad, you're human.
It's been tough because both me and him, we can't eat and we can't sleep. Yeah.
How's it going, Dr. John?
I never saw anybody killed before.
I know you have a wife. I'm not asking for anything. But I'm scared.
I hope you understand how upsetting this is.
Well, if you're going to be my escort, you need a new tie. Perfect. All right. I'll take it. I get my account. Yes, Mr. If we had more time, I'd work on the suit, too.