Joey
Appearances
Crook County
4 | Keeper Of A House Of Prostitution
I know people who were in relationships with construction equipment.
Crook County
4 | Keeper Of A House Of Prostitution
I know people who were in relationships with construction equipment.
Crook County
4 | Keeper Of A House Of Prostitution
I know people who were in relationships with construction equipment.
Crook County
4 | Keeper Of A House Of Prostitution
I know people who were in relationships with construction equipment.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Welcome back to the bas- Welcome back to the basement yard.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
And he used to... He had a yard at his old house. And he would bring him outside. And he would have to keep him there. Just to show all the animals, like, the dog's coming. And they'd run into the fucking bushes. Dude. Because he used to go in the backyard and he would murder rabbits.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
It was an interesting ride in. Now, me and Frank took different flights. We met in Denver, and then we took a plane from Denver to Palm Springs. I've never been to Palm Springs. It's in the middle of the desert.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
White as hell. Now that I'm thinking about it, the only two black people I saw the entire trip were on our set. No one in the airport. No one in the town.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
It was like two hours from there. And then when we're descending, flight was like normal for the most part. Then we're like descending into Palm Springs. And the captain's like, we're going to have the flight attendants sit down because it's going to get a little choppy.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Not only that, but like weirdly doing stuff like this. Yep. It was like that. And I'm like, I keep seeing the sky and then the floor and then the sky and then the floor.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Dude, Frankie, I'm like, it starts going and like there was like bumps and stuff and it's for like five minutes. I'm like, all right, whatever. Like, you know, you kind of get through patches of turbulence like that, but it was turbulent. Is that the word? That's a great word. For like 20, 25 minutes, something like that. And it got just progressively worse until like the last minute.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
half a minute i was and then we hit the ground but like we uh we start going through like a lot of turbulence and i'm like oh frank's probably freaking out and i look up i look over at frank he's sitting right next to me and i was because i was looking out the window and i was like i just want to know if it's gonna happen um but then i turn around i look at frank and he's just like this
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Damn, RIP. What's his son's name? Yo, let's get his fucking son in here.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
breaking bad blasting in his ears, holding his phone, not watching and just doing this.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Do it. Do the accent. I'm not doing that impression. Do the accent.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
That's what you do in your head? Sometimes. I've done that, like, when I first started flying, like, pretty consistently. Or not even, like... This was, like, eight years ago when I was, like, getting on planes. I would sit aisle and I would be like, I'm on a bus.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I thought about that, too, because when you're going through, or if it's raining and you get close to the ground and you're going through a cloud, the lights from the plane just make you look like you're going way faster than you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I knew. As that was happening, I'm looking at it. I was like, oh, God, that's even creeping me out.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I look over at Frankie, and I didn't see him looking, but I saw him turn his head back, and I was like, I really hope he didn't see that.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
There's dirt in my eyes. I'm eating it. I could feel it between my teeth. And then we get in our Uber and the guy, I think, didn't he say something like he didn't know where we were going? And I was like, dude. Something like that. Whatever. But he was awesome. Shout out to Dan. He's not watching.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
he uh so he we start driving and i just have my head down we have a 40 minute drive now we've been traveling all day yeah it's a 12 hour fucking travel day we have like a 50 minute drive to where our airbnb is and uh we're in the car and i just have my head down i'm just like looking and i just hear frank go oh whoa whoa whoa so i look up and i look out the window and
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
And I can't see anything because we are in a sandstorm.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Jakku you know yeah sandstorm yeah it was kind of wild and then the guy even said so we were asking about him because it was so windy we were like is it normally windy like this he's like yeah it gets windy sometimes and whatever then we're kind of talking about the weather um it gets real hot or whatever the fuck so I'm like okay this guy's like spent some time out here he's a professional driver like whatever
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
And we're driving and we're in the middle of the sandstorm. And I'm like, holy shit, dude, we can't see anything out the front of the windshield. And he just goes, guys, this isn't good. And I'm like, I don't want to hear that.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I was like, yo, if we hit a rattlesnake in the road, we're going flying.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
That was the first time I've had a charcuterie board at midnight.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
It was an awesome experience. We had so much fun on that shoot. Those people were so fucking cool.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Those are. I only know them from Caddyshack. That's right. And that was a fake one, but I imagine they're similar size.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yeah, they got them. But yo, so those are the ones, I'm assuming they call them gophers because they do burrowing too, because we saw those holes.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yeah. We drove like. And the shoot was like not. It was like very like decently far into the backyard. So like we're in the den. Yeah. It was also that collection of rocks. I was like, dude, I don't like that. Yeah. That was a community. That was a nest.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Coyote, I'm fucking beating the hell out of. But a wolf? A Mexican wolf? What the fuck is that? I don't know. There's so many jokes to be made that we're not going to do. I know, we're not going to touch them. We're just not going to.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I was like, don't fucking say a word. But yeah. Gray wolf. Really quick, it looked like gay wolf. And I was like, whoa.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Really? If a coyote latched onto my neck... As long as I'm not gushing blood, I'm going to still be like, I'm nice. I'm nice.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
All right, so we do have a sponsor for today, the first one being stamps.com. Okay, they bring all the amazing things of the stamps. Hello, how you doing? To the post office, right to your fingertips, okay? Stamps.com, they handle all your mailing and shipping needs wherever, whenever, because all you need is a computer, you sign on, boom, and you got it going. You can print your pistol.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
You can buy and print official U.S. post. You can buy and print official US postage with stamps.com. All you need is a printer. Um, and you're saving time because you don't have to go to the post office and wait in line or any of that, but you're also saving some money. There's, there's some rates, um, on the website that you can, that you can't get anywhere else.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Like up to 88% off USPS and UPS, uh, shipping rates. Um, so yeah, so you're saving time, you're saving money. They got everything there. You can do it at the comfort of your home. You Sign up at stamps.com and use the code basement for a special offer that includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale, no long-term commitments or contracts. That is stamps.com.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Use that code basement for a special offer and get that free digital scale. And again, no long-term commitments or contracts or anything like that. So you're good. Uh, we also have Harry's. Okay. Harry's they make razors. Uh, recently, um, I, I've like, I've had a razor that I've used, uh, for travel only. I just have it in my, um, torture bag. Um, and I was like, I need to get rid of this thing.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
These people are obsessed with cartoons. It's ridiculous.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
It's so old. And I was like, what, what kind of razor should I do? So I have a Harry's razor at home. Um, but I was just like, let me just Google like what I should do. Harry's. Did some research. They're the best on the market. I've used them before. I use them at home, and I'm like, everyone kind of feels the same way.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
You can do your own research, but you will find that Harry's is the one, okay? They have German engineered blades made in their own factory that stay sharp longer. Customizable delivery options for scheduled refills as low as $2, half of what you pay. for other big brands.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
You can get a five-blade razor, weighted handle, foaming shave gel, and a travel cover for just three bucks at harrys.com slash basement, okay? So that is harrys.com slash basement for a $3 trial set. Normally, their trial set is $13, but right now you can get it for three, okay? Like I said, harrys.com slash basement.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I'm so glad you didn't name your daughters after like fucking, I don't even know, Storm. Actually, that's a fire name.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
It's like, oh, that's Arthur. There's a dog? So stupid. I hate it. You know what I hate? I hate when people... give their cat names jobs. This is Dr. Buttersworth.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
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The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I just, I can't imagine that. What did they expect to happen? Like, what do you expect?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Did they open your, so like my only, I would ask them, I'd be like, yo, are you going to open it? Or like, you're doing this like microscopic bullshit.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
We found his thing. Really? It's actually hard, yeah. Really? Yeah, I don't know why. Are you afraid of needles? No, I'm not. It's just I'm picturing looking at my own knee being open.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
you know it could be haunted you could have a haunted cadaver knee and that's the issue is that basically yeah but yeah and i was fucked damn dude my knee is starting to feel a little weird really i'm not even kidding you don't like needles why why do we keep saying needles i don't think needles was you're very squeamish though and i don't like scalpels scalpels yeah okay we're starting to get there you don't like stabbing well i'm a little less cool with that one
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yes. That freaks you out. That's what I'm picturing, and it's starting to affect my actual knee right now. Really? Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Were you on, were you producing this show while we had this conversation where I said, like, I was trying not to sound like a serial killer, but watching someone like a doctor do surgery and like cutting open something. I think that's fascinating. Frank, we don't care.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
If there's any... What, are we going to play the video on this thing? Why not? Can't.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I'm okay. It's something about the act of it actively happening.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I'm okay with that. Because they're dead. They're gone. It's a result, you know?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yeah, that'd be tough. I try. Well, no one's begging you to try. Do you say, I will try? No, I try to look sometimes if, like, it crosses my page, and I can't.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
What can you not watch? Something like that. I have something that's similar to that that I refuse to watch.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
um i'll give you time to think mine is like people getting hurt in the gym can't watch it like you ever see i saw this video like by accident and like now i can't watch videos like unless it's very obvious that the dude doesn't get hurt and they're just doing like a workout thing they're like backwards or something no like so i don't have a problem with people like fainting after like dead lifting or something kind of funny but
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
someone was like leg pressing and their legs. So like, because of that, I can't watch if I'm looking at a video and it just looks very raw is not the right thing, but if it looks like that, I won't watch it. Yeah. Cause I'm like, yeah, I can't.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
It's like skateboarders. It was like, yeah, fucking board went right through my neck.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Or someone on the Celtics. The worst one I have ever seen. It was the tight end for the Bears. Was it Zach Miller or Heath Miller? I can't remember. What I'm describing with the leg press, that happened to him in the end zone. And, like, right now, I, like, feel something.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I mean, you naming your pets after X-Men is way cooler. To you. And you're also wearing that shirt. Which, by the way, speaking of cyclical, let's come back around like a circle. Frank, you got a shirt on that you got from your butcher. It is my butcher's shirt. Which is fine. It is cool. And it's a great place. And it's a cool place. Lenny's. But turn around. But turn around. Well, I don't think.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Not me throwing up, but other people throwing up, it makes me die.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
You know what? Before you get there, cliffhanger. We have some ads. We have some ads, ladies and gentlemen. We have, how you doing? Stitch Fix. Stitch Fix is going to keep you looking stylish, okay? Because they're going to be like your personal stylist. You're going to go on Stitch Fix. You're going to fill out your little style quiz.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
You're going to tell them what kind of patterns you like, what kind of clothes you wear, what's your height, weight, what kind of fits you like from which brands and whatnot. And then they'll jump right into work. They'll start pulling some items from some brands. And they'll send them to you, and you only pay for the stuff that you keep, okay?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
And you send the rest back, free returns, no big deal. But yeah, it saves you some time. You don't have to go to the mall. You don't have to do shopping. It's like an all-day affair that you have to go there and wait in line. You got to look for stuff, blah, blah, blah. Someone will, you know, take your recommendations.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
They'll find out what kind of stuff that you like, what kind of brands that you like, and they'll just go to work for you and send you things, okay? It's lovely. It's a great way to keep, you know, your wardrobe nice and fresh and new all the time. But, yeah, so make style easy. Get started today at stitchfix.com slash basement. That is stitchfix.com slash basement. Get it going, folks, all right?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Just give your little stylist. Who's the one that's a stylist?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
get a stylist stitchfix.com slash basement enjoy um and lastly here we have zocdoc zocdoc uh is a free app or website where you can go and search um and compare high quality uh doctors and click instantly to you know book an appointment or something like that this is how i found out like who my doctor is going to be because once i was off my my mother's insurance then i was like okay
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Frankie, turn around because we want to see the back of the shirt. We just want to look. The front of the shirt looks so cool that I'm interested in what the back of the shirt looks like. Look at that.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I don't even know where to go now. I can't go to the same place. My insurance isn't, you know, they don't take my insurance. I have to go somewhere else. I use ZocDoc and you plug in your insurance. You tell them what kind of care you need, whether it's a primary care physician or a specialist, dermatologist or whatever it is. You know, they'll find them in your area.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
They'll show you their review. So it's patient reviewed, like I said. So, you know, if they're a 4.9, 5.0, something like that. It's a great score. So you're like, okay, we know this is a good doctor. And they show their next available appointment. So usually it's within like two days. So there's a quick turnaround. And yeah, so you can find out all the doctors in your area.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
And yeah, that's what it's used for. So there you go. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash basement to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That is Z-O-C-D-O-C slash basement. Okay, ZocDoc.com slash basement. What were you talking about? Something disgusting?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Botflies. I can't do that shit. Botflies being in someone's neck and they're pulling it out. Bro, I'm good. Anything in the ear, can't do it. No, I like cleaning ears.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
It's weird because it creates the itch and then it scratches it at the same time. You never get enough.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I think it would more be like, what can I kind of make different versions of?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
No, I think that's cheating too. I just think that's the chance you take when you select random. You could just have, you know, a carrot or you can have an omelet and omelets could be different. That's the chance you take. Carrot, bro.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
can we not do supplements can we just like we just have them you'll die no no i mean like can we just like let's just be under the assumption the food tastes like this but it gives you everything you need that's fair okay we can do it you know what i mean but it won't well well this isn't a matter of life or death so what you're gonna eat a protein packed carrot are you not understanding what i'm saying i am fully understanding what you're saying i'm asking why can't we do that
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Frank, can you survive off of carrots for 10 days? I don't see why not. I don't think so. You'd be so deficient. In what? Whatever a carrot doesn't have.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
What about everything you eat just tastes like the food you get? So you could still get everything.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I don't think you would enjoy... Ooh, I have a good one. Okay, go.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I know, but you're going to play the game because you're a fun person.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
What the fuck is panzanella salad? What is that? Is that like escarole? Hold on, look up panzanella salad. I'll be honest, already not happy.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yeah, no, no. I mean, there's a meat in there. Yo, a salad's probably not a bad thing. Yeah, because you can mix other stuff.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I think we had this the other day. If there's a meat in this, I'm in.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
You know what the thing is, too, with this? You can, like, choose to just eat, like, the cucumbers. Right.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
And just be like, well, now I'm just having cucumbers. I got a little mix of things. Yeah, you have a mix. That's not bad.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Can anyone picture what would happen if I wore a shirt like that?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I did see the clip of that guy saying he likes to get, you know.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Like if Greg did it or something? Yeah, this is for Greg.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Yo, if I got chicken tenders. I'd be pumped with that. Oh, yeah. Super pumped.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
It's cool, but like... I think the surprise color of a kiwi is cooler than the surprise color of a watermelon. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Honeydew. Love that. That's the worst fruit, actually. What? That's actually the worst fruit.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Oh, I'm going again? Why? Oh. Sausage. I'll take sausage.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
No, you can't. You gotta be in the mood for onion rings. At least.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
A Blooming Onion is the craziest invention. The fact that that's served as a meal is bananas.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Now I don't know who's crazier, the person who just eats a full blooming onion, or someone who's a stranger accepting it from a stranger.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I think the site messed up the words. I think that's just pizza. Tart-taffin? Tart-tattin? I think you got pepperoni pizza. Plug that into- I don't hate that.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Frank, you're wearing a shirt that has animal balls on them. And you hear like, they're a symbol of strength and whatever. I don't think that you can hear how much shit you're full of.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Oh. Oh, it's a pastry? It's a pastry. Oh, the site just got its things crossed. What the f-
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
You guys can follow me at JoeSanagato. Go follow the show at TheBasementYard on TikTok and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Butchers are not delis. Delis are like. It's two in one. No. What do you mean? Like you walk in there and it's like a, like a bodega? No, that's a bodega. So what do you, okay, like a deli, like it's got like the meats and stuff that you can buy sandwiches?
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
You know how that's a real butcher? A cow escapes from it once a year. Really? Bro, the one on 20th Avenue? Dude, but cows running around all the time. I... They found a cow on Ditmars Boulevard, dude.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I'd rather chew gum that I found under my desk in my public school classroom than eat a pigeon.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Oh, sorry. I'm just... No, I think he's just going like this.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
We gotta like get rid of cats. I think I think fuck you. I loved it.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
Don't, don't, don't. It's not. I think it's just a word.
The Basement Yard
#496 - We Survived A Sandstorm
I didn't yeah, but you've created that narrative, bro Do you know that I saw something online and it was a video of you dancing at the AC show? Yeah and I saw a comment on that and it was like where is Joe and someone was like he was probably getting blackout drunk and I was like, oh What? Scott. Frank's dancing and drinking Grey Goose. I'm double fisting a Grey Goose and a champagne bottle.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
So you go in and you full on make a damn like a poop beaver. Yeah. Dude, that's what you do. And then you crap on top of it. Yes. So it's just airborne crap. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
You're trying to like support little kids. I will say whoever.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
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The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
You pink! It's raw! It's raw cocaine! It's raw cocaine! You idiot! Let me take... It's frozen!
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
no I call people it is called big because he goes donkey dog donkey well he is like you fucking donkey cut each up fade you easy oh and he gets he always like he's like so defeated by all like I saw one where Wolfgang Puck was there he's like oh it's Wolfgang yeah you know I saw that recently it's someone served him a steak at his own And Wolfgang Puck was like, what is this?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Because you never get a straight answer. You go to a store, I want this, here's my money, here's the thing, thank you, I'm leaving. I really, I much prefer that. I can't even tell you.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
I know. But if you know what it is, like my issue, my, my toxic trait is I fully expect boxes to just show up at my house, but I hate shopping online.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
And I bought it again, ships fast within, you know, two days. If you place your order between, you know, before whatever.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
And then it showed up two days later. Figure out your system.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Well, back order is that the demand exceeds the supply. So they're like, you know what? We fucked up. Fuck you. Take it off. I'm not going to buy it if there's nothing in stock. What happened to sold out? What happened to that? Pre-orders. Pre-orders. Get me. Pre-orders. Pre-orders get me so bad, bitch. I don't mind a pre-order.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Well, they have a very important job. Why do you keep looking behind me? You're freaking me out. Is there a spider? There's an elf. What's going on here? No, I just, I don't like it. If it's pre-ordered. There's no reason you eat. If you get more than what you thought, if you only make 500 and you get 600, holy shit. Make more right away.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Yeah, dude. You think I'm going to wait? You think I'm going to wait?
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
Because I see an email that's just like, we also have... I'm not only going to unsubscribe from your email chain. I might find the company and spit at it. Spit.
The Basement Yard
#495 - We're Gonna Fill The Grand Canyon
We're flying today, baby. We are on ads. Speaking of companies.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Welcome back to the Bay- welcome back to the basement yard we're back he's all in red i'm all in red lady in red is that a song lady in red it is a song lady in red got it what i don't know who's by it who's by it or who sings it joel billy joel is singing lady in red i don't know he doesn't strike me as a red guy he's like a blue guy blue collar blue like i'm billy joe blue blue
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Bro, I was blown away because I couldn't even believe the gall to speak to someone like that. Is that even an option? It happened. it was fucking keep it warm for me 730 when we got breakfast on that red eye and out comes tortellini yeah and i was like how did this guy fucking finagle this whole situation it's 8 a.m he's eating the short rib from last night yeah dude i was so confused
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I didn't know, honestly, I thought being on a plane, it's just like, you're in our confines. You do what we're telling you you can do. Yeah, like your shit will come when we bring it out. Well, like you go to a restaurant and like you could be like, I want this, I want that, you know, hold this or da-da-da-da-da. This guy was making edits to his order. I was just like, this is nuts.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I didn't know you could do this in the sky. You're just at a restaurant and you're like, yeah, I'll have this, this, and this. Bring it in two hours. Like, what? That's basically what he did. But also, like, when I wake up. Bro, if I'm a flight attendant, I'm not paying attention to when you're awake or not. Yeah. I'm just going to see you and be like.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
you're another person on this flight the plane is one of the places the plane and the gym are the two places that i'm noticing that i've become very agitated by people where like when people are just so oblivious and it's like you're clearly not thinking you're in a public place yeah like you're the only person here and you're just doing all these things there's a guy that goes to my gym
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
and it's an apartment building gym it's not even a public gym and he shows up in like jeans and he like trains some dude i don't i guess or something but he'll have like a coffee and his keys and his wallet and he'll just like leave it everywhere and like on the bench or whatever and it's like they're not even using it and i'm like bro how and talking mad loud yeah it's like bro how can i ask you how old is this person
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
uh he looks like he's like late 30s oh that's worse yeah i was gonna say that sounds pretty in line with what you expect from like someone in like their late 40s early to mid 50s maybe even 60s because they just they it's their world we're just fucking living in it you know but like late 30s is a bit nuts or like people get on a flight and they'll make an announcement like before you board and they're like it's a
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
full flight and if you're in these rows then you're gonna have to like you know check your bag or whatever the fuck you know sometimes they make announcements like that and then people get on this plane and they put their bag their personal item they start taking off their clothes then put their clothes up there and then they then they sit down then in the middle of boarding will pop back up and take their bag down and then start getting stuff that they need out of their bag
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
paper cup i'm just talking as things are happening i think red is very like you know like yeah like evil cat and like no red is like to me red is like energy and explosiveness explosions yeah i see that red also a combination of stuff too what's a sad color sad Gray. Yeah. Gray. Like I think Eeyore, you know, like Eeyore is like blue. Navy blue to me is also like, Navy blue to me is like regal.
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
And everyone's waiting for you. It's like, bro, get these people out of here.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I will say, I think that is the absolute exact description of just like an entitled American asshole.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
It's pretty bad. But it's not, you know, that's not us. That's all we can do. In Europe, I did notice that like there is no rules when deboarding. Grab your shit, get off. Well, also, like, the people... Like, here, typically, it's like, if the row's ahead of you, there are people sitting down.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
You wait, they get out, they grab their stuff, and they go. In Europe, everyone's flying off that plane. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
And, like, I'm trying to pick a time to get in so I can just grab my shit, and there's just old people fucking...
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
sending it bro i i couldn't believe how easy those flights were in terms of like how quick they were bro from the fucking the first flight we did from uh scotland to london it was just like we get up bing we're gone we're on our way down yeah you know like it's crazy how like close everything is yeah but how different a lot of them feel the accents the fucking architecture everything
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Bro, there was... I mean, America, we talk about the accents we have in America. I feel like in England alone, there's way more accents than there are stuff here. And I can't do them, so don't even ask me, Joe.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Oh, Frank, can you do them? No. Yeah, no. It's interesting. But... Yeah, that's that. We do have some sponsors for today. Oh, okay. We do have some sponsors for today.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
We've got Squarespace. Squarespace is where you're going to go to build your websites, okay? They're the ones that you... Their website is the one you use, okay?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
You're going to use their website to build your website, okay? That we can visit your website through Squarespace. You understand?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
But they have a number of reasons why you should use them. This is the only platform that I use to build websites. They have the best templates, in my opinion. They have these templates that you can click on and see what your website will look like. It just kind of moves the process so far along when it comes to being creative about building a website.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Usually in the past, you've had to hire people. It's very expensive to build it from scratch, and you have to make a bunch of creative calls. But these templates are very helpful because you can just click on them, sets up the landing pages for you.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
You just switch out the photos and the information and you're good to go. So all the formatting is done for you. It's great and have a bunch of different ones. So it's not just like there's one and all your websites look the same. It's cool. They also have a bunch of tools that you can use to optimize all your traffic to let you know where your traffic's coming from, which is a, you know,
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
whatever just make it the more optimal way to to get people to your website so if you have a small business or you make content or whatever website's very important it is your first impression so you're going to use the best and squarespace is the best so go check them out squarespace.com basement and you'll save 10 off your first purchase of a website or a domain using the code basement again that is squarespace.com basement and you will save 10 off of your first purchase of a website or a domain using that code basement and
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I've gotten a lot of messages in the past of people saying they used it and they built their website and stuff and that it was awesome. So listen, not just saying it up here. People are using it and people are loving it. So there you go. This podcast is also sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is online therapy.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
So you want to talk to a therapist. In-person therapy can cost anywhere from $100 to $250 per session. I've looked at in-person therapy before. Sometimes it's double that. It's wild.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
uh... depends where you are but it's very expensive but better help you know you can save up to fifty percent per session on there so it's more affordable it's customizable you can do it whatever frequency you want your talk on the phone you want to text you want to do whatever
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
um you want to do it weekly or bi-weekly bi-monthly you can do it whatever you want it's customizable for you so go check them out um you can go to betterhelp.com base me are today and you'll get 10 off of your first month so if you just want to start therapy you can do so they have also a very quick onboarding process so you can talk to a therapist very quickly
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
And yeah, so go to betterhelp.com slash basemanyard today and get that 10% off of your first month. That is betterhelp, spelled B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash basemanyard. Enjoy. And you know what? If you enjoy us and you want us to come along for whatever journey you're about to take. why don't you go to patreon.com slash the basement yard and sign up today.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Listen, I tell you guys about it every single week. This is the way that you can directly help support us and keep the lights on here because you know what? Joe likes to shut them off and throw things at me and then scream obscenities at me. So you don't want that to happen. Go to patreon.com slash the basement yard. You sign up for that first tier.
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
You get these weekly episodes one whole week in advance. And then that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday that are just kind
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
of all over the place and a little crazy a little nuts uh and they're a lot of fun you can get them you can start your week and your week with the basement yard so go check it out patreon.com slash the basement yard we thank you guys who have signed up and continue to support us and show us so much love and support and if you're thinking of signing up do me a favor go on your web browser go to patreon.com slash the basement yard and sign up there because i don't want to say anything about big daddy apple but you know it's not as uh
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Like I think it's because of the Navy in it. Could be. It's just like, it's a very like, yeah, I want to salute you because of the Navy blue that you're wearing. What does white do for you? I'm terrified of it. I knew you were going to do that. No, I think, honestly. Actually, black and white are not colors. Yeah, I think they're like hues and shades or something like that.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
fun for us if people sign up on the app so go to your web browser wherever you like to use it whether it be internet explorer and carta anything you like to use go to patreon.com slash the basement yard thanks for supporting us thanks for loving us we're gonna keep trying to make you happy smile and everything in between all right what is it in carta You don't remember Encarta?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Uh, need to tell you a story. Oh, I know you're going to love it. I know you get very scared about stuff. You know how I am then. So listen, more alien shit. Come on. I don't like alien shit. I don't know why this isn't talked about in the news, but there's this alien story is bananas. Hold on. Before you get to this, what did you say before our flight? Cause you know how I am before flights.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Anyone, someone brings something up. I'm like, Oh, I said, I looked up the turbulence and it was bad.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
right before we're about to get on our flight he goes oh no it was the day before whatever still right before if it made you feel any better and I also omitted this information I don't know why because I was afraid that you would be upset that I would even bring up turbulence again I was but I looked it up the next morning and it looked like they were like oh never mind it's not gonna be that bad okay thank god yeah but also on the flight there was a guy next to me who had like oh like a flight weather thing open and I just saw I looked over and I saw red so
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
fuck wait he had like a whole computer yeah dude oh that's and he was like tracking it and shit and i was just like oh god here we go all right ruin my week with this alien stuff okay so i don't know why the news hasn't talked about this or any people don't know about it but like this is wild to me i'm fine i'm fine not knowing you know how i am ignorance is you don't have a choice the other people do uh the ci there was a cia document uh explained that the alleged aircraft was flying low and quietly above the soviet
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
A Soviet unit. What? While they were engaged in a training mission. Long story short. Soviet unit? Yeah. Like a Soviet. Like a Russian plane? They were over Russia and the fucking army there.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Anyway, shut off my volume. So there was a low-flying aircraft over, like, Russia. Long story short, shot it down, right? Russians don't fuck around, man. Not at all. Oh, no. So according to the only two soldiers who survived, when the soldiers approached the craft, they shot it down.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Five aliens freed themselves of the debris and came close together near the wreck. Moments later, the soldiers said the group of aliens merged into a single object that acquired a spherical shape.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Required a spherical shape? Yeah, it became like an orb, essentially. So five of them got out, they got close together, became one circular dude. Okay.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
You know? And then a new ball-like alien began to buzz and hiss before igniting into a brilliant white light. And then 23 out of 25 of these soldiers turned into stone. That's what this thing says.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
One time I told someone that I love the color black, and they were like, it's not a color. It's the absence of color. It might have been you. Or you. Honestly, I was going to say you should have attacked them, but it is possible that it was me. Yeah. So don't attack me. I won't. Um, but do you, I don't, I can't remember the last time I saw you wear red. Do you wear red?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Oh, God. Let me be very fucking clear about something. This isn't a bit. This isn't for he-he's, ha-ha's. This isn't for anyone else but me. I hate this, really. Like, in my soul, I hate hearing stuff like this. And I was just talking, that's so crazy that you brought this up. I have to fix my hair. I was just talking with my sister-in-law about this, and she's like, why?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Why don't you like to hear about all this stuff? And I was like, because there's this beautiful little island of ignorance that I live on where it's nice to not hear stuff like this. Because guess what's going to go through my head now tonight? Turned into stone? That fucking waking up and seeing my children and wife is a ball of stone. No, no. The people. Don't specify it.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Turned into stone poles is what they said. Stone poles? Yeah, like stripper poles. Like, what does that mean? Stone pole alien Austin.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
It said the only reason why two of the men survived is because they were standing in a shaded area at the time. What the hell does that even mean? I think that maybe that just means they were behind a wall or something. Oh my God. Well, then how would they have seen the bald, the rat king of aliens? I think they saw like the bright light.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
But then how would they know that they formed into a spherical alien ball? Bro, I don't know. First of all, where are you getting this from? This is Daily Mail. Daily Mail. Are you sure this isn't the text thread that you're in with Alex Jones? No.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
But according to the Journal of Applied Physics, it is possible to use high energy radiation or electromagnetic pulses to change normal matter into plasma, a form that is not liquid, solid, or gas. CIA described aliens as short humanoids with large heads and large black eyes. Let me ask you a question.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
If you're going as far enough to shoot this thing out the sky, why are you even giving them a chance to become an alien ball? Because hear me out. They didn't know they were going to be an alien ball? Hear me out, brother. I'm not Russian. Let's imagine I am, okay? Hold on. Okay, go. Got it. I shoot this thing... Do your best gun noise. Ready? Three, two. Come on. Give me a better gun noise.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I went with one click, though, Joey. Thank you. Once I walk over and I see something move, guess what I'm doing with the rest of the ammo in the chamber? Yeah, it's gone. I already went as far enough to shoot this thing out the sky. I don't think they knew what it was yet.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
And then they saw aliens. Bro, imagine you witnessed this. where five aliens came out of this thing and then just formed into a super mega fucking one.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
You know, I love Megazords. So I, a part of me is... Would a part of you be hype? You'd be like, oh my God, they're turning into... No, no, no, no, no. Sighting like old Power Ranger episodes. No. That looks just like the 1997 Doctor Ooze or whatever the fuck. You're two years off. 1995 is when the movie came out. And Ivan Ooze, he wasn't a doctor as far as we know. Um... I'm just saying.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
You don't strike me as a red guy. You're like, I have a red jacket that I've worn. You're like, I don't want to say muted, but like your color palette that works for you is more whites and creams and browns and
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
That's so crazy. I'm just saying. I wouldn't even give... Bro, the moment I saw this thing start to move, I'm shooting again. I'm not giving it a chance to form a ball with its boys, dude. Yeah, no. I'm not giving it a chance. And then they were like, it started buzzing and hissing. Guess what that ball of alien is getting? Hissing. More bullets. Yeah, yeah.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Bro, anything hisses at me, my immediate reaction is to kick it at least. Dude, there's no way, no goddamn way. I am fine. Bro, there are so many stories that come out and it's just like, the government's hiding it from you. They don't want you to know the truth. You know why they do that? What do they say in the movies? We got to protect the people. If they panic, it'll be chaos.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
You know who those people are? bing this guy right here i don't want to know if they're just like oh it's like a mass conspiracy to cover up aliens turning into a big gooey ball of alien bros and turning people into stone poles you think i want that information you think i need that information no let me go forever what do you tell the families He died. He was, he's, I mean, he's here.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I mean, you've seen enough of movies or stuff where they're just like, uh, he died in combat. You know, we, we didn't recover his body when like the body is used to prop up the fucking construction at a Denny's or something. Like, I, I just, I don't need this.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I mean, brother, it doesn't sound like they're just like, we need five. Dude, they killed 23 guys. In a flash. 23 polls, dude. Russian guys. I don't know. Different guys. I don't know. Listen, I do not know. What Russian basic training entails. But I know that it's better than ours. I can imagine. They are fighting bears, dude. Brother. I know he's not Russian. Khabib is from what?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
He's from Dagestan. Okay. I don't know. I know he's not Russian. That's Russian, I believe. Okay. I don't know. I didn't know that. You've got to be careful. Those other two are on the... They're looking for revenge. I think Dagestan's his own country. Okay. But they're out there... Didn't he openly say he fought and trained with bears and shit like that? Yeah. He's from Russia. Okay.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
blacks like it's not very like poppy color like if you walked in with a pink shirt I think I would my eyes would fall out of my head I did wear a yellow rain jacket on the last episode that was orange we've talked about that quite a bit it's up for debate No, it is certainly not up for debate.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Yeah, it's a republic. Dude. If 23... Well, 25 Russian soldiers can't take down five gooey little fucks, you think... I'm even giving this a second thought. I am taking every gun that I can get my hands on and I'm emptying the clip in that direction. Dude, speaking of the government lying and stuff, there was also a story about they found the Ark of the Covenant, which I didn't know what that was.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
You've never seen Indiana Jones? No, I've never seen Indiana Jones.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Uh, I'd also just, it just sounds like a, I think we've known that for a while. Still baffling. You've never seen an Indiana Jones movie. Yeah. I don't know. I do like whips though.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Not like that. Oh God. I meant like, you know, like get that thing off the table. Like that sounds like I'm hitting my wife. Get that off the table.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I know what you're talking about. I've dug a hole, and there's no way of getting out now. You're digging the hole right down. That's not what I meant. And you're just going to live in it. It's okay. But I do like those whips. They're cool. I've cracked an actual whip, and they're cool as hell. I would never do that. I'd be afraid that I would hit myself in the face.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I mean, if you crack it this way, but if you just... And it cracks, brother. That shit makes the legit sound. It's terrifying. I just... Dude, they found the Ark of the Covenant. So you've never seen Raiders of the Lost Ark is the one with the Ark of the Covenant. So you don't even know what happens when they finally open it. Wait, what is the Ark of the Covenant? I have it pulled up right here.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
According to Jewish and Christian tradition, the gold-plated wooden chest... housed the two tablets bearing the ten commandments uh and there's like some old relics in there and it's believed to be like oh so it's a treasure chest what do you call stuff that's like god lives like his soul is like holy no what's godly horcrux horcrux is that not scott something
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I think, I don't know, like... The word that I was going to use is so not what it is. Omniscient? What is that? Because, like, omnipotent means, like, of God-like status. I was going to say omnipresent, but that's not it. I mean, it's kind of, maybe. But, like, it's like God, yeah. It's like God's shit. It's like a, it's essentially a horcrux for God. Kind of. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
So like, I'm not even, no, you're not going to like stab a book and he's going to, you know, with a basilisk thing or something, it probably won't happen. But God is just like, that's mine. And then it starts to glow.
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Yeah. But apparently the CAA, uh, found it.
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Just so we're all clear. I may have some sort of blindness because it feels like very obviously yellow to me. Brother, I think at this point in time you would know if you had a form of color blindness. Like this is like yellow obviously. That's very yellow. And like the jacket. Do I have the jacket? The jacket's over there on the table. We don't need to get up and get it.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Oh, the CIA found it. And then William Morris picked it up. Yeah. Apparently they found it by using psychics.
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
It says, they conducted experiments as part of the secret project Sunstreak. What? So what, they had the Long Island Medium out there and she's like, uh, anyone know what this is?
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Like, I don't think you guys realize. I've said this before and I'll say it again. Fiyero is on to something, okay? Who the hell is that? From Wicked. Okay? Life is more painless for the brainless. I don't need to know certain things because then I need to grapple with the reality of them. I am very comfortable. We get it, dude. You don't want to know, but you're gonna.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
The CIA conducted experiments as part of the secret Project Sunstreak. which they never come up with good names, with individuals known as remote viewers, a type of clairvoyant who claimed they could project their consciousness to receive information about faraway objects.
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
So you're telling me they have a three-eyed... This is a three-eyed raven. They're, like, sitting there. Oh, shit, yeah, I guess so. And then they're, like, going to find this chest. See, you know, like...
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
There's no credible scientific evidence that remote viewing exists.
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
This is what happened, but we have no basis off of telling if it happened or not. It's just one person that wears socks on their hands in order to protect them from forever chemicals in the oxygen. is telling us this, so we're gonna take it as credit and run with it. What happened to journalism, brother?
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
What happened to good old Walter Cronkite who's just like, you know what, I'm gonna tell them this because I know it's, I am cred, I believe it's true. Who the hell, this is, did you get this from Alex Jones too? No. Okay. This is Yahoo. And when has Yahoo ever steered us wrong? I mean, I haven't been on Yahoo in God knows how long. Remember those commercials? Yahoo! pretty good.
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Like that's orange. Of course. But that's like a deep orange.
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Individuals opening the container by prying or striking are destroyed by the container's protectors through the use of a power unknown to us.
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Ooh, they have a picture! Don't look at it. Yeah, Joey, close that. Don't look at it. So you clearly haven't seen Raiders of the Lost Ark. Close your eyes, Marion! Oh, is that a thing? You can't look at it? Well, so, I mean, spoiler for a 50-year-old movie at this point. I'm not sure exactly when it came out. But...
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
the Nazis find hold up the Nazis are involved in Raiders of the Lost Ark is all of Indiana Jones the bad guys are Nazis except for one where it's like I don't want to get insensitive, but it's like a witch doctor or something. There's a little tinge of racism in there. I honestly had no idea. I thought he was fighting old demons or something.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Well, there's a little bit of that, brother, but it starts with the Nazis. So the Nazis are like, we are going to find something. We are going for Hitler. We are going to find the Ark of the Covenant.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I know what it looks like. I don't need to see it. Is it, you're not allowed to see it in the movie? So they get it. And then he's just like, don't open it. And they're just like, and then there's a back and forth and then they open it. And Indiana Jones says to his lady, like, yo, close your eyes. And then the ghosts pop out of that thing and fuck them up, dude. Really? They fuck these people up.
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Yeah. Yeah. That was a weird moment. But wait, hold on, hold on, hold on.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
You see people's faces melting and shit. You've never seen that gif of the Nazi face melt.
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#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
The Nazi face melted. And the fucking face and everything melts away and shit. That's Raiders of the Lost Ark. Yeah, dude. No. And then the second one, the guy shoves his hand in the guy's chest and pulls out his heart. I honestly have never. Do me a favor. I know like, I don't know if you are not watching them for any specific reason. No, I just haven't. You should watch them.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I wanted to start this episode with something important, not important. It was a little dramatic. On my flight home, I just learned this thing. I had the weirdest interaction you can possibly have with a flight attendant ever. I went to the bathroom and I get up there. Well, first of all, I stand up, turbulence immediately. I'm bouncing around.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I mean, now at this point, I didn't know there was going to be melted Nazis in them. Hell yeah. Yeah. There's melted Nazis, all right. The best kind. I mean, you said it. And I agreed with it. If your face starts to melt, It's okay because we have ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
This is what I was using when I first got off of my parents. health insurance. And I was like, how am I going to find a doctor?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I don't know anything. And I did some Googling. I found ZocDoc and it's very helpful. All these doctors are patient reviewed. So you can see their score at a five, I believe. And you go in, you put in your insurance, you put in which doctor you want to see, whether it be a primary care physician, dermatologist, or whatever you need.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
And you put that in and it'll give you all the doctors in your area and their rating and their next available appointments. And usually you can go like if you do it early enough, you can maybe get same day, maybe the day after, maybe two days. It's not very long.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
So it's nice. It's a great way to find like either a specialist or a doctor in your area, because a lot of the time I think people go off of word of mouth. But. If you're out there by yourself and you want to try and find a doctor in your area that you need something for, you have no recommendations, ZocDoc has got you covered, okay?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
But stop putting off all those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash basement to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That is Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash basement, all right? So go get your stuff done, folks. And lastly, here we have SimpliSafe.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
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The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
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The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Monitoring plans start affordably at $1 a day. 60-day satisfaction guarantees or your money back, but they have a system in place so that if someone were trying to break into your house or there's a fire or anything like that, then the proper authorities are called and brought to your house to try and, you know, keep you as safe as possible.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
They have an active guard outdoor protection that can help prevent break-ins before they happen. So there's a lot of stuff that they have. It's your home. You want to keep it safe. You should have a security system just as, like, you know, Be as safe as possible.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
You can visit simplisafe.com slash basement to claim 50% off a new system with professional monitoring plan and get your first month for free. Okay, that is simplisafe.com slash basement spelled S-I-M-P-L-I-S-A-F-E dot com slash basement. There's no safe like SimpliSafe.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Boom. I'm not enjoying the conversations about aliens. I'll go light. I'll go light with you. How's this? You just dumped all over me. What do you mean I'll go light on you? You just told me that there's balls of alien jizzing together and they're fucking turning people to stone poles. Stone poles. I will say this. Yep.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
If I were to die, getting turned into a stone pole doesn't sound like the worst way.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I don't know if I want to be a stone pole. All I'm hearing is stone pole Steve Austin, too. Me, too, honestly.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Every time we say it, I'm like, stone pole. Can you pull up the thing about KFC made a fried chicken something? Oh, yeah. What is it, a toothpaste? So, yes, I saw this. So, apparently, KFC, which I don't know if we're legally allowed to call Kentucky Fried Chicken anymore.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
The fucking piss in my bladder is bouncing around like loose change in a dryer.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
There was, like, a lawsuit years ago I heard about that it was just, like, they got sued because, like, they couldn't legally call it... Oh, because it's not Kentucky? Chicken or something like that. But, like, they made a...
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
fried chicken flavored toothpaste which i do like fried chicken i love fried chicken i would try it no i've had flavored toothpaste before yeah but nothing that's like meat flavored brother yeah it's like strawberry or mint or bubble gum Hell yeah, now we're talking. I used to eat toothpaste when it was like that. I know it's not good for me. You shouldn't do that. When I was young.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
question um so i was on this flight it was on our way home from dublin yeah uh orland as they call it over there um i noticed that they like you you're not allowed to walk up by where you rich people are you know what i'm saying they close the car they close the curtains and and then on top of closing the curtains there's a sign that says don't come up here unless you're one of us
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I will say, I think it was Crest. They had toothpaste, like kids' toothpaste, that had little glitter things in it. Yeah. If you had told me it was candy, I would have eaten it with a spoon. Yeah. But I probably would have had some long-lasting issues.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Don't tell me they're going crazy with it now. What is a tube of toothpaste nowadays?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
How much do you think that costs? Seven bucks, six bucks. For a tube? Holy shit. He hasn't brushed his teeth. What does it cost? You know? Yeah, I think it's, like, more expensive than you think because everything is just giant expensive now. I don't know why I reacted that way because I was going to say six. Yeah. And you said seven, eight. Six or seven, I would say, you know?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
And, like, that's just, like, the base stuff. It's because seven, eight, nine. There you go. So if you get into the whole like, you know, like this is organic charcoal toothpaste that's going to make your mouth look whiter than ever. You ever see that when people have black toothpaste? I'm like, I can't do it. So I tried black mouthwash, charcoal mouthwash. Stupid.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Does it make you look like your throat? Did you pretend to be like a zombie? I pretended I was Danny DeVito, the penguin. That's a good one. I was just like. Yeah. No, it was gross and disgusting. And it was, it didn't, it also like, it didn't feel like I was cleaning my teeth, if that makes sense. What did it feel like?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
It just felt like I was getting, I was wishing around, whooshing around mud water in my mouth. Ew. And, you know, like, I know it's probably wrong, but like, you know, like regular, like Scope or Listerine. They're so... They bite you. They're so strong that it feels like I'm getting the job done. Bro, I could... Yeah. I could breathe ice after one of those. But like... Yeah, I didn't like it.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I would never do this. I would say this toothpaste, if a regular tube is like $7, I'm going to say this one is... Here's the thing. Okay. I think that they know that they have a novelty on their hands, and it's by a company, Hizmil. I've never even heard that one. No, I did the same thing, but was it called High Smile? It's High Smile because it's a toothpaste. I mean, it's spelled Hizmil.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Well, there's fries in the way. Oh, the fries.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I'm not the idiot here. It's the people that spelled it all one word. I would do crazy things to that biscuit right now, honestly. I'll tell you this. If they just gave me Kentucky Fried Chicken flavored chicken, I'm all about it. I would love that. Oh, my God. A bucket of chicken? Hell yeah. I love that chicken comes in buckets. It's clear. It's so American. It hurts.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
A plate is not enough. Fill a bucket. Yeah. Hell yeah.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
It's awesome. It's clearly a novelty. so and it's from a company I've never heard of I imagine they have like more expensive stuff you know like you get like now you can buy like $20 sticks of deodorant we're all going the world is going to burn itself from the inside out You know when I knew the world was ending?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
When I went to a Yankee game and they sold sodas that come with a cup with chicken tenders and fries.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Hey, man. And the straw goes through that. Hey, man.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I was like, we're going down. Hey, man. That's just ingenuity. It is ingenuity. That is just genius, modern ingenuity. But I knew it was the beginning of the end when I saw that. I'm going to say this is $14.99. Okay. So we have $12.99.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Yeah, which is crazy. Segregation exists on planes, apparently.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
The limited edition KFC dental kit is available on HisMiles. Click on that thing. It's clickable. I want to know what the fuck is in here. Yeah, well, I imagine it's the toothpaste, the toothbrush. So you get, all right, let's see this. This is crazy. What's all those emojis up there for?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Oh, they have just wild, crazy toothpaste flavors? So what is that? Blueberry, watermelon, loving this so far. Is that a lion's head? I see a lightning bolt. What's that?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I don't like it, but was the bathroom nicer?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Energy drink flavored, and it's electric charge. I will say, the packaging, quality. Ant. Yes. We should buy a couple of these. Alright. Hold on, is that a fucking tiramisu? Below the lightning bolt, is that a tiramisu? Oh my god, get it. I'm back. I'm back. Oh my god, buy it.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
It's a slightly bigger bathroom than I've been in other plane bathrooms. That sentence meant nothing. That literally meant nothing. I tried to make it slightly bigger. It was slightly bigger.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
All right, let's get some. Well, the dental kit was $72. So that probably, can you find out what the dental kit comes with?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Oh. I would kind of hate not loving that I like it. What does that mean? Oh, Biscoff cookie toothpaste. Oh, Mikey is creaming his jocks right now.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Let me tell you. What else do they got? Click on all of them, dude. I'm freaking horny.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
We got to see this. Sherbet next. Go home. Ice pop.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Love bang pops. What's that? Blue raspberry.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Chupa Chups. Chupa Chupa Chupa Chups Cola. I don't know what that is.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Chupa Chups are like lollipops. I didn't know they had cola. I don't know what these things are. I mean, we're going to go through all of them, bitch. Lychee. I've never had a Lychee.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
All right. Let's see the bag. The Simpsons Purple Squishy Toothpaste. I don't even know what that could mean. Yeah. What does it taste like? And also, does it have anything to do with purple ketchup? Because if that's what we're working with, I'm kind of on board here. Pistachio Poppy. Ooh. I mean, I'm in for the... Actually, no. No? No way. Get it out of here, dude.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I don't like pistachio flavored stuff. Wow. I like pistachios. What's that? Is that a cocktail on the bottom row there? Chili Marge. Joey's going to shove that up his butt and fucking sit. I'm going to spray it in. He's going to spray that in his ass. I will say this.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
This is crazy that, like, they... I never in a million years would have thought of, like, crazy... Just keep going while I'm talking, Ant, while you're at it.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Rainbow straps. I got excited. I'm just saying. I never would have thought... Rainbow Shrap sounds like something else.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I never in a million years would have thought of this flavored toothpaste at this level, where it's just like, here, have a Chile Con Carne flavored toothpaste. I think it's a good idea. Unless it's not good to put... Here's my thing that I'm scared about. What is getting that flavor? That's what I mean.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I made it so hard. That's all I wanted to say. I know you were in first class, whatever it was called. I don't remember.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
That's what's scary because then when it's just like natural flavors or artificial flavoring, it's just like, oh, so you're just eating candy and brushing your teeth with sugar paste at this point. Do they have like an ingredient list or something? I don't think you need that flavor. List of ingredients. Okay.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Do we have any like red 40? Don't let me click on it.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Aqua, sorbitol, glycerin, hydrated silica, xylitol flavor aroma. Xanthan gum? That's not good for you. No, I mean, xanthan gum is like fine. I can't. Sea salt, zinc lactate, lime. It doesn't look like there's anything too insane. I just don't know what any of that stuff is.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
red is more like uh sexy like dirty like it well i don't mean no what is going up well mean yes do you associate any feelings with colors i know we're getting psychologically that is a real thing i know it's synesthesia or something like that right no that's like when you can see colors oh okay with like words and so like it's psychological i know like mcdonald's and a lot of restaurants use red because it makes you feel like hungry and stuff like that but like
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
They're just like, okay, all right, what do we have in here? Pryoposphonate. Oh, they have pylofloxacin. Methyldipuracide.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I haven't seen anything that I know besides sea salt. I know. And water. Is that last thing lemonade? Oh, no, never mind. I thought it was lemonade. All right, let's see what other flavors we got in this bitch. By the way, you said your friend uses this toothpaste? Danny, yeah. Has his teeth not fallen out yet, dude? I don't know.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Yes, there it is. Was the perks perky? Were they perky perks? Were they like... Worth it? Because you were up there and I was just like, damn, I could see you, first of all.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Does he get these flavors, or does he just, like, sticks to, like, you know, the missionary of the flavors, which is peppermint? What's the cupcake-looking one? I imagine it's probably just going to be, like, birthday cake. No, it's, like, down. To the left. You're right there. To the left. Oh, I see it. Mint chocolate toothpaste.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Go to fucking hell. Yo, let me shut up. Yeah. You know, hate this. So you're brushing your teeth with poop. Cool. Next, give me another flavor. I can't believe that this is a real thing in America. Gummy bear. But again, what do gummy bears taste like? They taste like they're flavored like over fruit. So like it's orange or cherry or something. So like gummy bear.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I'm glad they're buying a thousand of these. Yeah. Honestly, should we have an episode where we're just brushing our teeth? Yeah. All right, give me another baby.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Is that a candy? It's got to be because when they spelled flavor with a U, I knew this was some probably stupid Canadian shit. So it's probably like a Timmy's candy up there where it's like, oh, have a red frog. They're not British, but you know what I'm saying. What is that one that's just letters?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Strawberry cream Yoshi toothpaste. That doesn't sound too bad. This is too much. What's the fourth one from the top? Just go line by line. Just go line by line. It just looks like a lion. What is that? That's Chupa Chups. That's the Chupa Chups.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Yeah. Just like, this is too much. Mint bomb? Okay. I'm into it. I like mint. And I like bombs. I don't know where I stand on bombs. I'm indifferent about bombs. I'm indifferent about bombs. The bombs I'm indifferent about. You know? Is that a beach ball?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Honestly, I'll say this though. Oh my God. Transparency. That looks like so much. It looks like I have seen some of Becca's like makeup or something that looks like that. I didn't know where that was going for a second. I'm saying like the bottle, the packaging.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
So, like, it's not like you were, like, in, like, another wing. Through the door that they closed.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I don't know. OK, what's the other donut? I mean, I imagine it's just another donut flavor. It's glazed donut.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Yeah. Okay. And what's the other strawberry frosted?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Probably pink donut. Okay. I like the pink donut. Give us, just click all the ones that we haven't seen yet, babe. Pina colada. Big fan of that. I like the drink. I don't know if I would like the toothpaste. I would like it. What's the one that looks like a bunny?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Oh, it's probably going to be like a collab on like Miffy. Yeah, something like that.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
You got to get some of these toothpaste in here. I mean, half of them or three quarters of them are sold out. Does Danny get like cool flavors? Have you tried them? I just asked that. Did you?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Through that fucking net that they closed and hiss at us. You can look through the net, you gnats. But, like, were the perks perky for you? Um...
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Because like here's the thing with toothpaste is like it's there for a specific job. Bro, I'm going to brush my teeth. With a donut. What? You're grown adults and there's a guy upstairs brushing his teeth with like donut flavored shit.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Like, it's just funny to imagine. What's the one that's next to KFC? What's that? This is the Simpsons. The other side of it.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Oh, we like ran through all these now. Interesting. I mean, dude, the cinnamon donut. That's coming home with me. I mean, no, apparently not. It's sold out everywhere. That's because it's so good. They made a big fucking mistake leaving the tiramisu available, though. Honestly, you got to worry, though. Why is it still available? Do people not like it?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I don't know, but they're about to be sold out. I hate this. I want to make it clear. Will I try it? If 10 tubes of it showed up here... Tomorrow. $130 worth of toothpaste. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. You're not paying for it. So, like, why not, you know? I don't know what I was about to say. Honestly, I'm afraid of what would happen to that.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Joey would brush his teeth eight times a day if he has that tiramisu toothpaste. I'll just be walking into the bathroom just being like. Also, 2.1 ounces, that's not a lot. Or 60 grams. Like, that's probably not a lot. It's probably, like, this big.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Yeah. Which is just massive. Yeah, that's more than enough, I think. More than enough. Now that I think about it.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Boy, in God's name, we need anything more than that. Enough to choke you, honestly. I hate this toothpaste, and I hope that the company does well for itself. Making... Massive plug for this company. Yeah, by the way. His mill. Yeah, his mill. His mile. Listen, if they just happen to send us one of every flavor... Even the ones that are sold out. Don't be cheap. Don't be cheap. Mr. Smile.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
i don't know because any i've i haven't flown internationally that much but i usually try to book delta one um but where you are sitting i think you guys got the same shit as me yeah as far as like the food uh probably and i think drink i mean i didn't drink on the plane but like bro Crazy thing, by the way.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Mr. Smile. Mr. Hismal. Mr. Hismal. I wonder if there's other companies that do this. Flavored toothpaste. Not just flavored toothpaste, but just something else you wouldn't even think about. Flavored, here we go, copyright. So flushable wipes are a big thing. A lot of people don't use them. Where are you going? Just hear me out. Hear me out. Hear me out. Flushable wipes. Okay.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
You really shouldn't use them because they're not good, but companies still make them. Really? Yeah. They're very, there's like, it's known as like, there is no like safe flushable wipe. They all fuck up your system. It's just a matter of how much do it. Oh, I thought you're talking about your body. Oh, not this system. The plumbing system. Yeah. You know, the home plumbing, not the human plumbing.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Right. What if we made flavored wet wipes? Frank, see, this is where I was trying to prevent you from going because what the fuck are you talking about? I mean, how many wet wipes have you eaten? No, not for eating. For what? Do I need to spell it out for you, Joey? Do you want me to wipe my butt with like a glazed donut flavored wet wipe? What am I getting out of that?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
You're walking away with your ass smelling like a glazed donut. I don't think I want that. No? I don't need a tiramisu smelling ass. But if you had one, would you be happy?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I'm just saying. It might not be a necessity, but we as a country clearly have moved past can you to you should. But also, like, we're saying flavored. It should be scented.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Sure. I swear to God, I thought that was very good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fine with that. Like, for really, like, direct this at gay men and ladies. Or anyone that gets their shit ate, actually. Okay. Okay. Like, wipe my butt. Wipe my butt with this tiramisu and then go to town on my lady fingers. You know what I'm talking about? And then shove your lady fingers. I mean, listen. Frank.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Be really real. Don't be a character right now. You wouldn't have been hyped? This is like flavored condoms, that thing, too. I guess. I've never tasted the flavor. Who's eating a condom, Joey? I mean, I think that's more... What do you mean? They made them. I'm saying, like... People are getting very safe BJs. That's good. Good. And I support that for them. I'm just saying.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
But, like, a blue raspberry... But, like, what if you could get, like, a sanitary wipe? Right. So, like, before you're about to get hot and heavy and you know your shit's about to get gobbled up on... Right. You're just like, hmm, do I go with the red frog or do I go with the glazed donut? Right. Which one would you go with? I mean, I'm not getting my shit ate. Which one would you rather eat?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I'm cinnamon donut. Cinnamon donut. Cinnamon donut on that cinnamon donut.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Yeah, I hear you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that would be a good one. I tell you what I wouldn't pick, though. KFC. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
On our flight, they made an announcement that main cabin ran out of alcohol.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Listen, companies love doing this now. Doritos had vodka. Did you try that? They did on TikTok. It was bad, right?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Oh, no. Didn't need that. But, like, what other ones have there been? There have been other ones like that where people do that shit. You know, KFC fucking toothpaste. Yeah. I'm sure there's other examples, you know?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I've never had Arby's before. Neither have I, and I'm cool with not having it. We've got the meats. SNL made the joke before I could, so I can't take credit for it, but they're like, you don't want to go somewhere where they're telling you, like, we've got meat. And we're just like, yeah, we didn't think you did it. It's like, no, we got it. It's here.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Bro, because they were like, what? There was like four guys, like two aisles in front of me and to the right that were pounding drinks, dude. They ran out of alcohol. And they were just like, we're the ones that did it. Yeah, they were like, they said all they had left was red wine. That's insane. Yeah, I mean. But yeah, no, the perks are like. whatever. I mean, I do it because I like to lay down.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Roast beef is on your window, so I hope that you would. Ugh. Fast food roast beef is so bananas. Fast food... Fish is way worse. Yeah, like a Long John Silver's. Bro, you don't even need to go that far, but if you go to McDonald's and you get a Filet-O-Fish... That's so crazy. That's bananas to me.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I really think, though, like a Long John Silver's should just be like a really big bear trap.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
And like you get in, and as soon as you step on the rug, the whole building just collapses, and everyone in it goes. I'm fine with that. Yeah. Yeah, just weed them out, you know? Weed them out from the rest of society. I have to go get...
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
salmon at a Long John Silver's yeah hey babe what are you doing tonight what do you have for dinner oh I just had my second filet of fish of the day what the hell is that What is with, bro, while we're at it, the McRib? Super unnecessary to have that. It ain't a thing, brother. It's not real food. I don't know what it is they're giving you, but it ain't real rib meat.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
We've crushed burgers, fries. Or it's like pigeon ribs. It's pigeon ribs or something, not like beef. It's a quail rib. Yeah, exactly. It's just like, what rib meat is this? And it's like, it's from an aardvark. I've actually had quail. It's quite delicious. I think I had it too. I think we had it together.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Do you remember we went out for my birthday years ago, and then we went to that steakhouse, and they had the bird, but it was tied up like it was getting fucked? Hell yeah, I remember that. Spatchcocked.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
That's what they call it. It was tied up by its legs and arms like this, and it had thick-ass thighs, and I'm like, this thing is...
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
It was your birthday. Give me the chicken, extra sexy.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I'm going to take a chicken home with me, if that's fine. Extra sexy. Can I get the chicken, extra horny?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Let me get one of these to go, and let me smack it before you put it in the bag. Yeah, we'll get two chickens extra horny. Thank you so much. Can you tie them up with my belt while you're at it? With my belt. Yeah, the arms were like overlapped like this. It wasn't spatchcocked. Because spatchcocked is when they're like open butt. No, this butt was intact. This butt was intact. It was.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
The legs were overlapping. It was prim and proper. You could have put little chicken Louboutins on them or something. Yeah, we should go back. Anyway, there you have it, folks. Thank you so much for tuning in. Yeah, we're done. No, we're not. Let's keep going. Okay. What other... I can only talk about flavored toothpaste for too long.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Look up if there's any, like, company-partnered, like, brand deals that they've done. Like, Doritos Vodka, KFC. Frank, that's the most vague thing.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
It's the end of the episode. I get one per episode. Give it. Give it. Look up if a company has ever collabed with another company before. Well, this is... He's looking at the keyboard, he's like, I don't know what to do.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
This is back when companies used to be so willing. If I need to hear this again. So, I'm serious, when they were very playful with their IP, and they were willing to partner with other people and stuff like that. KFC and Crocs. Pokemon.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
What the hell is that? McDonald's and BTS. Arby's and Old Spice? Ben and Jerry's and Nike? Arby's and Old Spice is crazy, so when you take a huge roast beef shit, you can make it smell better. The guy that's like half horse, half man comes out. We're like, fucking what's his name? What's the big jack dude? I don't know. Fucking Cruz?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Terry Cruz walks out after you eat your Arby's and he smacks you in the mouth. Old Spice. Yeah, you can come in and have a roast beef sandwich, but make sure you're wearing deodorant. Swedish fish Oreos. No. That sucks. No. Yeah. Food brand crossovers that left us uneasy. Thank you. Someone gets it. Hold on. Peeps and Pepsi? I'm on board. No. I'm on board for a Pepsi Peep. Or Peepy Pepsi.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Like, like obviously that makes sense. I would rather do that. And I have a lot of miles so I can like bring the price down and stuff. Um, but so I go up to the bathroom and there's a flight attendant right there and they're like kind of talking to another flight attendant and
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
A Peepy Pepsi. I like that. You like Peepy Pepsi? I love Peeps. Oh, there it is. This sucks. Mustard and Skittles. They did an ice cream too, didn't they? Mm-hmm. That, I can't even, like, yo, put mustard, my hate for mustard aside. How does that taste good? No, gross. How does it taste good? I'm convinced that's fake. No. It's real. Do you like Skittles? I don't mind them. I love Skittles.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
What they do to my throat is crazy. You don't. What? Can we stop now? Can we end the episode now? Skittles. What else we got? Gotcha. Kraft macaroni and cheese and ice cream. Van Leeuwen ice cream? Cheesy ice cream sounds nasty. Yeah. It might be good. No, it won't be. Black label bacon and cinnamon toast crunch?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Cinnamon toast crunch. If you sprinkled cinnamon toast crunch on anything, I'd be like, ooh, that sounds good.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
You're not wrong. Coffee Mate and Dr. Pepper.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
That's disgusting. Coffee Mate by itself, I don't drink it, but everything I've heard people say, like, this is gross. I've never had it.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Compartes Chocolatier and Velveeta? What the fuck? What the hell? Chocolate? One is chocolate? I don't get it. One is chocolate and one is cheese? I don't get it, and I don't want to. Keep going. Gotcha. Pepsi Peeps. We saw that. Coca-Cola and Oreo. Absolutely not. Disgusting. Ruining a great thing. I kind of wouldn't hate that. I could try that. Are you a big Oreo guy? I like Oreos. Okay.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Come on, come on. There's only a couple more. I can see it. Oreo Sour Patch. I think I actually tried that one. I think I did too, and it doesn't taste like that, right? Am I making that up? It just tastes like a cookie with sugar. It's not like it's chocolatey.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Yeah, no, I didn't think it was like sour.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Lays and IHOP, Rooty Tooty, Fresh and Fruity.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
What the hell? Where are they? Why is anyone still fucking with IHOP? Can we try them though? Like, cause we hate them. Uh, hell yeah. Oops. And Thomas's bagels. I'm in for that. I'm on that. Damn. I'm all in on that. Haven't had a fruit loop in years. Yep. Hidden Valley ranch teams with whiskey. All right. Shut this, shut this off. Shut this game off right now. Valley ranch and whiskey.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I gotcha. Thank you. Ranch is disgusting. That's bad. No, ranch is not disgusting. That ranch. Risky. Whiskey I like.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
The door says it's in use. You know, when you lock it and the thing says occupied. So I'm just waiting. And then the guy turns to me and he goes, oh, you don't know the trick? And I'm like, what?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Ranch I like. I'm not one of those freaks that dunks a whole burger into it. But, like, that's too, too, too much for me. Thank you guys for coming and hanging out. It's my show. Yeah, that's it. Where can they find you? Where can they find you? You can find me at Joe Sangato. Elephants in the sky. Birds. One, two, three, four, five.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
How are we even doing that? It's so good.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
You know where to find us. Go check out the basement yard everywhere. Patreon.com. Thank you. We love you folks.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
because I'm like what is he talking about like how to hold in my piss or something like I didn't know what he meant and he's like you can unlock it from the outside I knew that and I was like how the why the fuck would I do that the little yeah well that's the question because I've seen them unlock it they like that little like cover they pick it up the thing that says lavatory
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
It says, like, lavatory or whatever, right? You can lift that, and it's, like, a little thing, and you can unlock the door. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
And I had no idea. Yeah, I knew that, yeah. But also— Because you've seen them do it? Because I've seen them do it, but also, why would you do that? Why did they lock it is my question, too. But also, why would they, like, be like, you don't know the trick? Like, this is a trick of the trade. Like, we're just going to make it look— Also, bro—
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Do you think I'm going to make the judgment call of like, there's no one in there. Let me unlock it. That is risky. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
And I was on the verge of a big steamy piss. So someone would have got covered. Yeah, I don't know why it was difficult for me to comprehend what you were saying. But yeah, I just thought that was so weird.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
So I went to the bathroom, peed, did whatever, shut the door. And then I was like, hey, thanks, man. I appreciate it. And he's like, now you can do it whenever you want. And I was like, dude, why do you want me to open bathrooms that are locked?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
But he was like, now you can do whatever you want. And I'm like, no, I can't. Against the law, illegal. Is it? Opening a locked bathroom? It's gotta be. I don't know. I mean, we're, we're, I, I also, I don't need the panic now. Now that I know that's a thing. Every time I take a poop on an airplane, now I'm gonna be like, Oh my God.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
So we can get in here and like, yeah, I mean, that is kind of terrifying. Now you're scaring me. And you know how I feel on planes already scared most of the time. Yeah. So like now I will say those plane bathrooms were pretty big. Like I got in there and I was just like, there's space. Cause normally I have pretty broad shoulders.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Um, it's, you know, I get in there and I'm, I have to like, can't even go anywhere. It's like uncle Fester.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
yeah you know you gotta piss like you're freezing yeah jesus i don't know but yeah oh now i'm letting you know next flight we're on if you're not like guarded by like the royal guards of the planes i'm going to when you're in the bathroom open the door don't i'll close the scene i'll get you no fly Is that possible? Well, the fucking flight attendant was just like, do it.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Joey. Go. Forget about McDonald's. Name a color. I'll tell you the feeling. Green.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
He fucking schoolboy bullied you into opening this fucking bathroom on people. You don't know the trick? You know what? I won't do it. I'll pay a med to do it. What's that going to do? I mean, you never know.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
My least favorite part of the plane bathroom is it's been different things, but now, like, obviously the faucet is annoying, how it, like, stops. But now it's, like, I'm trying to just throw the trash out. Like, I'm trying to throw these towels out. Oh, they're, like, ugh. And it's like, it's closing on my finger. Yep. And now you have to double wash.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
And you're making me like touch it and then touch the, and the opening is so small. Agreed. My hands are dirty again.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
See, my issue is, and I think we spoke about this, but like this sinks are not deep enough. Yeah. So like, I can't get my hands in there to wash them because I can't shrink my hands. Yeah. I can't have little baby hands like yours. So, like, when I get in there, it's like, as I'm washing my hands, it's like scraping the bottom of the sink. And it's like, it's ruined. You know how I get out?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I shoulder the thing. I throw my shoulder into the lock. Oh, I didn't even think of that. I just, I do the forearm. Or, yeah, like I won't. Yeah, I'll do that too. Just to get out. Dude, I love during COVID when bathrooms had that foot pedal. Yeah. Bring that back. That is a good one.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Also, big fan of the places that have a new opening mechanism where it's like a bar so you can put your forearm in it. But then, like, the angle is weird. Yeah, you've never seen that? You've never seen that?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Yeah, but see, that's not a feeling. You can't feel earthy.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I've seen it before. On a door, it's like you put your arm in it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a handle. You know how, like, the handle comes out and comes out like that? But then there's, like, a bar that goes up. So it's like, you know, you can kind of open it like that, put your foot in, skedaddle on out of there. But you are correct. The foot pedal is... I love the foot pedal. Way better.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Yeah. I am not a fan of, like... When you go to bathrooms and it's all just one bathroom, but just little stalls for like individual people. Are you crazy? No, because it's not like, like anyone could be next to you. Yeah, dude. A normal bathroom. In Europe, they love that. I know.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Where it's one door and then you walk in and then it's like a sink and like soap or whatever.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
And then there's two stalls, separate stalls that are like full doors. But in another bathroom, it would just be like the half stalls, which I don't love. If I got to take a dump in public, I'm already I want to lose my mind. Make put me in a room. Dublick, by the way. Dump in public is a doublet.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Green is like happy. It's like, yeah, yeah. That's happy for me.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
And also, if I go into a public bathroom, whether it be restaurant, bar, anywhere, there better be more than two stalls. There has to be more than two stalls. Because if someone's pissing right here, I better have the chance to put a piss barrier in between us. If it's just stall on stall and there's only two... I can't do it. Not that I'm like – it's just like make it three minimum. Minimum.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Yeah. You know? But I like being in my own little room.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I think that in the U.S., I don't know why we do this thing where it's like you can see people's feet underneath. Bro, put the door to the ground. Put me in a box. There's no reason for this.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I can't really recall the last time I saw like in the U.S. like a full –
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I get that. Yeah, no, it's not bad. It's a good one. It's like an upper. Yeah, okay. You know? What about... Yellow. Oh, yellow is, like, kind of dirty. What? Yeah, to me, yellow is, like, yellow and brown and orange is, like, kind of, like, muddy and dirty. Brown is... You're making it sound horny, though. It's not. That's not what I said at all.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
like head to toe bathroom stall or they just do completely separate like the whole thing is in one little room like which I'm also I'm on board for that too but always a line for those
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Yeah. Bathrooms are weird. You know how I feel about bathrooms. I'm all over the place. It's funny that you say that you brought up the interaction with the flight attendant on that flight because I like, so I was just like, my stomach was bothering me. I was eager to get home and I was sitting there and the woman's like, do you want anything to drink? And I was like, no.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
i was like what i didn't get it like kill yourself just didn't know like i just she just like i don't know if she was signaling to someone else but she was looking at me but she was like oh you don't like but but like you could hear me because you know how like like weird like plane sound like you just can't really hear that well yeah but i said i was just like i can hear her well i was just like no she's like no you're good i was like no and she goes
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
I was like, what is that? Did she go shoulder to shoulder or she cut her neck? Well, she didn't go like the undertaker, you know? She wasn't doing that. But she did like the, you know, like the, like this. You know who this is. At you? What did you say or do? I was just like, I crumbled, honestly. You like froze. I didn't know what to do. I was like, oh. That's so weird.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
It was just a weird, I don't know if she was upset that I didn't want to drink. Do you ever order a drink because you're worried if they're going to get like offended that you don't get one? On a plane? Yeah. No. Okay. Me neither, but I just didn't know.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
No, no, no, no. I'm just saying like they're like doing their job and it's just like, well, I paid for this, so I might as well get a water or something, you know?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Yeah. I mean, sometimes they'll do like, oh, do you want your meal?
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
And I'm like, no, because like either I'll eat in the airport. So I'm just like, I'm not going to eat on this plane, bro. First of all, anytime there's a meal offered like for free included with my seat, I'm getting it because I paid for it. I'm sorry. That's my mentality. It's just like I paid for it. I'm going to get it. It's going to suck. Yeah. but I'm going to get it.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
The guy next to me on the way to Scotland, first of all, sits down next to me, immediately opens, like, an old-timey, like, you know how, like, women in the 70s would keep, like, their, like... Yeah, yeah.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
It's like a metal case. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Opens that, just pills strewn about. And here's the thing. Damn. People take pills. That's on them. But these were not all the same pills. They were all different pills that, like, I can't look at a pill and tell you what it is. I know there are people that can. But, like, it was, like, four different types of pills.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
And he just went like this. It was just a potpourri of pills. Yeah, dude. And he just took them and... How many? Whatever you could fit in this. He just clawed it? He clawed it, took them, swallowed them. Passed out. And then put his hood up and went to sleep.
The Basement Yard
#499 - How Is No One Talking About This?
Then I don't know who this guy was, but I was thinking like this guy might be somebody because he's kind of doing this with a lot of confidence. Then he goes, she goes, you want your meal? He doesn't even say yes or no. He said, I'm going to sleep. Keep it warm for me when I wake up. What? What is this, your wife?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
welcome back to the basement welcome back to the basement yard frank how you doing baby i'm doing great how are you prefer baby over bitch yeah i think anyone will well some people don't like baby baby makes them feel a little uncomfortable what do you mean some people don't like baby love that jacket you got going on there by the way absolutely love it love it um just the colors are great
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Oh, see that? Confidence paid off. Now I look smarter to everyone that thought I knew it. I feel like you just, like, I'm trying to picture his body and how much he would weigh.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Crazy. But six feet, you're done. You're toast. This guy's got a good 10 inches on you. I was like, what are you talking about? Yeah, no, I guess shout out to David Beckham and his wife, Victoria. Why am I doing that? You ever see that clip of where she's just like talking about like, my dad, we had it so hard. And he's like in the back, David Beckham in the background.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Like, but, dude, there's some, there's, like, this, like, lighter account on TikTok, and it's, like, this French guy, and he finds a bunch of old lighters, and he's like, this is from the Japan, you know, forgive the French accent. It's okay. Oh, so he has all these old lighters. Does he refurbish them? Dude, and he like gets them. Is that the right word? Refurbish? Refurbish, yeah.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Or, like, whatever. And I'm on cheeky, too, now. Cheeky? I really, like, I would, I love the idea of cunt. But, like, we can't do it here. We can cheeky. Cheeky's cool. Cheeky's cool because it's playfully naughty. You know what I mean?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Cheeky blime. What comes next? Cunt? So we're going to do, I actually planned on this, we're going to do an episode of like Europe slang before we go over there. So we'll be well versed. I was going to say endowed for some reason. We won't be that versed. We'll be well-versed before we go over there. But speaking of well-versed, there's actually something that I saw that I wanted to bring up.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I don't know if you saw this. This is not going to have anything to do with well-versed, huh? No. Or well-endowed. Or maybe. Speaking of well-versed, here's something that has nothing to do with that. No, no, no. Well-endowed might be the thing.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Which means big dick. Yeah. By the way, I'm not showing you a picture of a dick. That'd be great. I'm not. I promise. This just sounds like you are now. No, I'm not. But it's been going around on the internet. So there's a woman who, look at me, Joey. There's a woman who found, was going through her dead grandmother's belongings. Could grandmothers be dying? I mean, we know that. They do be dying.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
And found this card in her dresser. And show the first one first. No, no, no. Yeah, so that one. So this is a card that was in her dresser, presumably from the 50s or 60s, for Dr. Dan. Expert plane and fancy fucking evenings by appointment only. This is awesome. Grandma was getting it, dude. So, I mean, we can just go... Cut rate to a party of six or more? Satisfaction with one hard-on.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
This dude was giving out six-man discounts. So, first of all... Way to go, Dr. Dan. All the way, also spelling doctor wrong. Is that... Is it doctor or doctor? Is that spelled right?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
What are the lines of being a doctor, though? I think that's something that we definitely have to ask. Schooling.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Really? Yep. Because you could be a doctor of thugonomics. Look at John Cena. You could be... Maybe to you. But this guy knew... Extra attention given to neglected married women. Also, bottom right corner, widow's a specialty. He specializes in widows? There's one part of this that you are vastly overlooking. Virgin's treated gently. Spinster's satisfied. What the hell's a spinster?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Spinster... Spinster. What is that? It sounds like Chucky Finster, which I think doesn't mean anything compared to this. Who is that? Chucky Finster? I don't even know why I asked. Chucky Finster. Tommy Pickles. Oh, that's his last name? Chucky? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. By appointment only is great. You can't just walk in here with a party of six. So this was clearly, so grandma was.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
She was getting. She needed Dr. Dan. I'm assuming, you know, grandpa died. She became a widow. What do you call this? A gigolo? Is that what that technically is? I think so, yeah. Or a male prostitute? Yeah, it could be. I got to say. I mean, this is a doctor. I got to say. Gigolo? Cool word. It's a fun word. It reminds me of Jell-O. It does. It reminds me of... Say it. R. Kelly. God damn it.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Like you make them new again? But what is, so then if fucking something up is furbishing it? Yes. Don't. Don't? Look it up. No, but I love when people get, I mean, we've talked about this too, because there's that one Irish guy who's like, oh, I've got to bring this thing back. Oh, the wood. Yeah, yeah. It's like woodworking. I've seen him make a machete look really nice and shiny again.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I wasn't going to. That is a... I'm a gigolo always on the go. Imagine making a song about like... It was a gigolo spending lots of dough. Oh.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Do you remember who sang that song? He did the hook. R. Kelly. He did the hook. Do you remember whose song that actually was? No. The signs were there, man.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
P. Diddy? No, the signs were there. It was Nick Cannon. Was it a Nick Cannon song? Yeah. You don't need to pull up it.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I mean, the song kind of hits. I think it was on, like, Now That's What I Call Music, like, seven or eight.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Because we had those. My mom would get us those albums. You had all the Now That's Whatevers? Not all of them, but we had a few. Did you have any kids bop? No, thank God. Thank God. You had kids bop?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
You bopped. Your parents probably loved that you were a kid bopping. I don't even know how to understand that. Do you remember any of the good kids bop? Did you legit listen to it or did you know immediately?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
It's kind of a bananas move to be like, yo, let's take popular songs, make kids sing them, and then sell CDs and give them probably nothing. Oh, yeah. Did I tell you that there was a company who reached out to invite me to Kidz Bop? Yeah, they tour. They tour, and they were just like, bring the family, which is cool.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Very gracious, but then they were like, meet the stars of Kidz Bop. Right. And I was like... Like, I'm not going to meet Tommy, bro. What am I going to do with you? What song do you like, you know? Yeah. I was going to ask, tour... Like, that's how you say it? Tour. Do you say tour? Or do you say tour?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Tour, yeah. Tour. Tour? See, like, yeah, people say tour. I think it's just a regional difference. You know what I mean? I don't think there's much. Someone from New York one time was like, tour. I was like, oh, what the fuck? Tour? Yeah. I also pronounce a lot of words wrong, but you know. Well, we're New Yorkers. We do, you know, coffee, chocolate. Everyone gets on me for acts.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Well, that's because you're just saying it wrong, but I understand. Yeah, I don't have time. So just based off of what you're seeing here, if you knew someone that needed a little fancy fucking- If there was neglected married women, then who better to call than a doctor? I mean, here's the thing. Nothing here that says it's only for women. Extra attention given to neglected married women.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
That's fair. That's fair. Nothing that says... He's not... Dr. Dan isn't giving the Dr. Dick to dad. And the virgins are treated gently, which is nice.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Exactly. You want them to be treated with respect. We don't want anyone treated not gently, unless they don't want to be treated gently. In that case... I really hope there's nothing about this that has come out that has been bad or dark, because then we sound bad. But... What did we say?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I know, I know, I know. I'm just saying. All right. So now, Joey... There is another portion of this, which is the back of the card. Wait, hold on real quick. I just want to point this out. There's a photo right underneath this. So it's so funny that there's like a family photo or her and her husband. And then right under that, Dr. Dan with the dick out. Because your grandmothers are all gone.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Right. If you had gone. You made it sound like I have 20 of them. Both your grandparents are gone. Yeah. Both sets of grandparents are gone. Yeah. You're clean slate.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
That's fun. Have you ever seen the ones where they put the machetes in the tub and then they shock it to get all the fucking rust off of it? No. What? You've never seen that? I do like that, though, because sometimes they do that with watches or jewelry. It's like, what is going on in this little tub? It's a little horny little tub.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah, I would... This is honestly like finding the Declaration of Independence. There's also something sad about this because at the time, women were... Not that they're treated great now, but like... Do we know what time this was? It's... So... We're going to get into that. So I think I tried finding the original post and I couldn't find it. I think it's around the 60s.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
So there's another part of this before Ant pulls it up that includes... what is offered by Dr. Dan, what his services. The services, okay. The services. So in addition to what the services are going to pull up, we went the extra mile here at the Basement Yard. We take research very seriously when it is stupid. And we did a conversion of what the cost would be Oh, with inflation? With inflation.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Adjusted for inflation. I love that. So. Perfect. So why don't we pull up the next. Why don't we get to the ads and then we'll get to this. All right. Yeah. Ads. And then we'll talk about Dr. Dan giving that. Go to the end. Yeah. Thank God. First off here, we got Omaha Steaks. Omaha Steaks. They make amazing steaks. Okay. Legendary steaks. They sent a box of them to me and Frank.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
And we are very excited about that. They're in my freezer freezing right now. They have been America's original butcher since 1917, way before Dr. Dan. They deliver the world's best steak experience and bring people together with more than 100 years of family-owned expertise. Now, during their semi-annual sale, you can get 50% off site-wide at Omaha Steaks.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Plus, our listeners will get an extra $30 off with the promo code BASEMANYARD at checkout. You're saving tons of money here. And these are great steaks, and they have a bunch of different cuts. So if you're having a party or anything like that, or you're just a steak lover, you can get them at Omaha Steaks.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
So grass-fed, grain-finished beef has more marbling for exceptional flavor and is a choice of steakhouses and professional chefs around the world. So you're getting that kind of quality steak. So don't miss the semi-annual sale at Omaha Steaks. Visit omahasteaks.com for 50% off side-wide and for an extra $30 off, use the promo code BASEMANYARD at checkout.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
So saving a ton of money there, 50% off omahasteaks.com. Get that extra $30 off with the promo code BASEMANYARD. Go get yourself some steaks.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I'm sure. So it's like a... Yeah, I don't know. Or it just shakes it. It just shakes it. I don't think the shaking is the thing that's cleaning it. I think it's probably the chemicals that are in it. Oh, so I can't like put my finger in there. Like if I had a dirty hand, I can't like clean myself? That's a great question. I don't know.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
There's a lot of pots and pans out there, and, you know, we've learned over the years that cooking with them enough, you can kick up some dirt, and there's some toxins that are in the things that they are using to protect the pots or whatever, and it's not good because it gets into your body. But with caraway, we got rid of that, okay?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
A single scratch on Teflon cookware can release over 9,000 microplastic particles. Also going to think about that. But Caraway Kitchen Mirror is crafted with sustainable, non-toxic materials, premium stainless steel, natural slick ceramic, and more to help you create a safer, healthier home.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
So if you do a lot of cooking, it's just better to have a pot that you know is not going to kick up any microplastics into your body. So it's nice. I have it and they're also beautiful. Okay, not for nothing. There's got some very pretty colors and it's nice aesthetically.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Enjoy that. Yeah, and you know what? If you're cooking something up in the kitchen... You know, why don't you throw on more of us, more of the basement yard, which you can get at patreon.com slash the basement yard.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Thank you so much to everyone that continues to support us, especially the people that support us over on Patreon, which is kind of realistically the most direct and easiest way to support us. Go to patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Sign up today for that first tier, and you'll get these weekly episodes one week in advance.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
And then that second tier, well, you'll get exclusive episodes every single Friday at 7 a.m. Like clockwork, baby. Our biological clock is ticking right along for you. Okay? So, yeah. Thank you, Ant. So go over to TheBasementYard.com slash... nope, patreon.com slash thebasemanyard to check that out. We thank you guys so much for continuing to support us and we appreciate it.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
And if you can't do it, it's okay. I completely understand. But please do it. Joe holds a gun to my head when you're not here and the cameras aren't on. Also, if you're coming to any of the Europe shows, we're doing shows in Scotland, London, Dublin. If you're coming to any of those shows, make sure you check out thebasemanyard.com slash submit.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
A part of the Basemanyard Experience shows that we've incorporated into each of the shows is is that we'd like to talk to you guys, with you guys, about you guys. And we ask you to fill out a little questionnaire, include some funny stories, something scandalous. You know, we've had several people tell us about their significant other cheating on them with their parents. It's crazy.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I don't think we should look it up because how would we even look that up?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
So go check it out at thebasementyard.com slash submit. Tell us what show you're coming to, fill out the questionnaire, and then you never know. Maybe we'll talk to you about you. We're not sure. So thank you again. We appreciate it. And we'll see you in Europe.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Obviously. Okay, so here is the price list that Dr. Dan was so kind to provide us with. So we're going to go from the top down, baby. Top down price list. Starting off, clear cut, okay? Plain insertion. Plain. No pepperoni.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
$27. Yo, $7 for caresses? What are we talking about, by the way? Well, caresses, we've figured out, is back of the hand.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Back of the hand. So like this. Because a caress adds a level of intimacy. I don't know that I've ever caressed. So what Dr. Dan is clearly doing here, obviously, is establishing as a businessman that he is no nonsense. Right. 20 bucks. 20 bucks for just the base insertion. Is there tax? You know, that's a great question. I imagine that Dr. Dan does not report any of his income from this.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I don't... There's something in the way you said that that seems a little, like, double entendre, and I don't like it. What does that mean? Like, to me, it's... No, I know what a double entendre is, but, like, how am I saying... No one's knocking the dirt off me. My dust has been knocked off. See, now I fucked it up, but I said it. So now you do get dusty. No. We're all a little dusty.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I don't think so. I don't think he has an LLC. So $20 for a flat insertion with Caress 27. And just for shits and giggles, can you let us know in 1960 what $20 or $27 would be in 2025 inflation?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
You're a businessman. Yeah. A lot of people respect you, myself included, as a businessman. Do you think he's missing out here in any way because he's clearly establishing flat rate for plane insertion? Do you think he should charge per percentage of insertion?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Does anyone really do just the tip? I don't know. I don't think that's a thing. I mean, listen, there are people out there that dress up like Spongebob and scream at each other during sex. I'm sure people do that. Yeah, but they don't go just the tip. They put the whole fucking Krabby Patty in there. You know?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Listen, if Nickelodeon didn't have bigger fish to fry, they would have come here and shut that down. Probably, yeah. But, I mean, potentially, as a businessman... $289. For just a plane in search. It's a plane. Now... It's not a bad starting point. Now... Okay. The next line makes me think that... That this is just flat out missionary. Inverted positions... What is an inverted position?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I would imagine anything other than... Inverted sounds inside out. You know what I'm saying? You're kind of not wrong. Like a 69 is inverted? I think inverted is just like in this sense that Dr. Dan is defining it different. So if I was a businessman here, which I'm not. Okay. I would say, well, Dr. Dan, you need to explain what... your base position is.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Define that, because there's certain legal things here that is not lining up. Inverted positions. So is this, I guess, I assume this is on top of what... Yeah, because the next line says dog fashion. Right, and that's 2250 as well. With included barking and yelping. Barking and yelping.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Definitely. But, so this guy, it's like old lighters. And some of them are just like, it looks like a little clam. And then you open the clam and it's just bang. Like a fucking flame. Yeah. And it's so sick, dude. You know what's cool? Yo, I don't really, I mean, I don't know. I don't know if I love torches. I love torches. My dad, my dad. Yeah, like, no, no, no. What? My dad.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
We're saying 1960, yeah. So 1960 would be $26 now? I'm not throwing that in. I'm not barking and yelping. For $26, barking and yelping. Well, I imagine, so he's doing the barking and yelping. womb stretch 39 25 you're jumping ahead here joey jumping ahead what's a womb stretch is this that you're going like this i mean bro what's 39 25 put that in that's gotta be okay 300 bucks what is it 25
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
$421 to get your womb stretched? Honestly? What is a womb stretch? That sounds like it's medicinal. Maybe Dr. Dan does have some knowledge. That sounds like a birth. Maybe he's like a part-time obstetrician. Is that a doctor name? That's what the OB in OBGYN stands for, brother. Fire. Yeah, you know that.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Barking and yelping right now sounds so not worth it when you consider you if you just level up a little bit you get I mean listen if you're into if you already got $27 for caressing yeah, you might as well, bro You might as well you might as well throw barking in there if you're into search oh That's you caress caressing yeah, okay, I got you the caress and the bar I have understood Can you give me your best bark?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
No, no, no. What kind of dog? Well, so he specifies barking and yelping, so I imagine barking is a larger dog.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
What is a womb stretch? I think that's like you want to stretch it. But that sounds more, like I said, medicinal.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Because that'll stretch it. That will stretch it. Joey, you can't. Of course it will. Everyone knows that. All right, we got to move on from the womb stretch. Wait. $50 for tongue bath. A tongue bath? 50 bucks? I mean. I'd rather be stretched in my womb. Joey, at the time, there were not. What is a tongue bath, by the way? I imagine that's cunnilingus. Well, no, because the next is muff dive.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
What is the difference between? All right. Oh, muff dive is if you have hair. So, I mean, so then by appointment, you need to hope that this guy is a beard because muff dive might not be always available. Muff. I think it's pubes. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe he charges like if you are. If you got a lot of pubes. If you have a lot.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Hey, man. Well, at the time, women would be like, I'm not feeling great because I've been home all week with the kids. And he's like, you're crazy. I'm going to get you a lobotomy. So clearly men had no sense of being a gentleman back then. Have a cigarette about it. Yeah, exactly. You're pregnant? Here, just smoke this. You'll feel great. $100, put that in.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
How much is $100 with a... I mean, we could do the simple math. It's $1,000, yeah. $50 was $7, yeah. Bro, a muff thigh for $1,000? Dr. Dan may be a little out of the price range of a normal purse. Well, I mean... That's a lot. Clearly, this gentleman was...
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
uh one of a kind i mean have we seen other or heard of any other doctors giving by the way also giving out card this was like the card the sesame drinks card that we knew when we were maybe that's what dr dan evolved into he stopped pleasuring lonely widows and he started selling alcoholic drinks Yo, this is also kind of crazy right now because there is a womb stretch on this thing.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
My dad always had, because my dad gave up smoking cigarettes to smoke the better option, which is black and mild. Right. And he would light it with a plumber's torch, which is the fucking torch with the giant propane canister underneath.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
But on the front of the card, it says being gentle with virgins.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Can you do me a favor? Urban Dictionary tongue bath. Just so we're on the same page. What do you think it is? Like, what do you think? I just think it's eating out, cunnilingus. Oh, maybe a tongue bath is just like soaking but tongue. You know what I'm saying? Like just taking a bath, just chilling out. Tongue bath, the art of licking the entire body of your partner. A literal like you're a dog.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Oh. So it's literally he's licking her whole body. He's doubling down on the barking and yelping. And now he's like, I'm just, we're a dog as it is. Now I understand why it's 50 bucks. That's a big job. To lick a whole body? Oh, my God. And that could be a disgusting job. Have you ever licked your hand or arm? That could be gross. I've watched you lick your hand a lot.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah, my hands are a little dry right now. I haven't moisturized today. Yeah, you lick them like a cat. But basically, that's what he's doing. So then just do me a favor. Confirm what a muff dive is on Urban Dictionary. Just so we're all on the same page. We know what we're paying for. Honestly, $50 for a tongue bath? Might be low balling it. I don't know.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Performing all sex on the family. Exactly. So we figured that. Okay. All right. So time limits per hour. $37.50 on top of all this? So, yeah. So if you're doing an hour of plain insertion, that's running you $57.50. Now, you're getting into, I imagine a tongue bath comes with a minimum amount of time. You know, like union rules.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
It's like if you have them come in for even 20 minutes, they need a minimum of four hours of pay. And like they're going to take a break in the middle of that. Yes, they need their union mandated breaks depending on the amount of time before they go into compliance. We don't want to get into HR issues here, which is clearly Dr. Dan is worried about. OSHA certified. Also, all night being 12 hours.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Bro, whose night is 12 hours? That's bananas. The world's night is 12 hours, brother. Nah, night is not 12 hours. Standard night is 12 hours. No, it's not. We have evening. I think at the time, Joey... It was only day and night? This is bullshit. I mean, that sounds about right. All night, 12 hours, 150 flat rate. Hold...
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
All right, so Joey is clearly skipping ahead here into the bottom portion of this. We have the sides. We have the... We've gotten to the entrees. The shareables. The shareables. So extra attention. The first one there for $1.15, you could do titty chewing. Which, what is that?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
And that thing was fucking wild. Yeah, he doesn't have eyebrows anymore because of that. That's an insane thing to be lighting that with, by the way. I mean, it's my father. Does anything surprise you about it? It is true. Were your parents smokers? No. I mean, one time, my dad, like, never smoked. I don't think he's ever smoked in his life. Really?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
i don't know we know what it is i don't know what you want me to chew on those tits i mean a titty chewing sounds like there's more teeth involved than normal yeah i mean i think that like yeah what is this dude you know that like john d rockefeller's the neglected wife is just like i'm give me the everything on the menu chew on my two of everything yeah Titty chewing? Chew on my tits like a cat.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
For $1.15, some people, you know, there have been claims that people get off just from titty play. Yeah, there are. No, there's no claims. There's a small percentage of women who can orgasm just through titty play. I don't know that from experience. Relax.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
$2.75 steel and then underneath in it says pussy see muff and see muff dive see muff dive see muff and the eye is upside down yeah I don't know I think the french kissing is for the mouth this price but if they want it somewhere else they need to refer to muff dive got it oh genius genius aunt clearly aunt yeah good for you you got any grandparents named dan
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
French tickler. What is that? We're back to Urban Dictionary. We got to find out what that is. French tickler. I imagine.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I love a good inside pocket because then people think you have a gun. Nothing is cooler than when I'm wearing a suit and I put money in there. Bro. Dude, it makes me feel so... Hey, welcome back, by the way, guys. Yo, at weddings, when you have, like, the card... And you pull it out and you're just like, this is for you? Yeah, but have you ever... Have you ever...
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Wow. This guy. What was it? The Nikola Tesla of sex? Yeah. Used for... A massaging accessory at the tip. Why is it specified used by those who play guitar and suck toes to do both incredibly?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
what is the play guitar i couldn't tell you all right um all right okay now we have a finger diddle which we know what that is we figured out what the finger diddle is yeah and then vaseline if needed flat rate 125 that makes sense of course there are some people that require that 125 a 13 dollar up charge yeah well no i mean a bottle dude Yeah. Whoa.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
And this was when it was made from like legit like petroleum. Like you were basically getting like gasoline rubbed on your shit. Yeah. This is crazy. Is there a number on the front? No, I checked for that. Okay. God damn.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Is it? I imagine there's gotta be. You just gotta run into the doctor again.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah, dude. What do you mean, did they have phones? Have you never seen anything from that time? This phone's probably from the 60s. That's more like the 70s. I know my phones. I know my phones. I would say that's probably from the 70s. Could you imagine just being like, pick that up and calling Dr. Dan on a rotary phone?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I've never seen him smoke, and I remember them saying. Oh, my God. I can only imagine you asking him. Dad, have you ever smoked? Yeah, he would be so offended. We have gotten it out of my mom. I've been like, Mom, you used to smoke weed. And then she's like, I... And I'm like, whoa!
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Imagine the other one where it's like you have two pieces and you're like, Hello? Dr. Dan? Come chew on my tits. Titty chewing is bananas. Titty chewing is pretty. Yeah, that's cool, though. I like that. I hope wherever Dr. Dan is, I imagine he's dead just like the rest of everyone at that time. Yeah, he probably is. Crazy. You don't make it out after this. Crazy. He's not living a long life.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Bro, if I, like, seriously, if I had grandparents that, like, loved each other. I saw this. I'm like, what the fuck? This would ruin my... Because you know how like... This would ruin your life. You'd be so upset by this for some reason. Well, no. If it was just like farting. If it was like an old-timey gramophone recording of my grandmother farting, I'd be pissed. It's a giant gramophone.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
And he's like, plays it. Grandma. I told you when my grandmother died, we found like saucy letters that her and my grandfather sent back and forth to each other.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah, basically. Yeah, because my grandfather was in the Korean War and they like wrote messages back and forth like postcards.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
And it was just like one of them was just like, I can't wait to hold you in my bosom. And like that was that was that's basically titty.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah, that was sexting at the time. I've never found anything of my dead grandparents, uh, anything horny, honestly. I mean, I, you know, sex is a part of life. So like you do have to imagine that like your grandparents were doing it crazy. You know, my grandpa on my mom's side was dead before I was born. That's right, yeah. So I don't know how much sex she was having.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah, I mean, I think there was also a type of woman that was just like, I've lost my life partner, and I'm just going to be celibate for the rest of my life.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
She was like, God's watching, and now my husband's watching.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
The vents didn't get cleaned out. Yeah, well, I don't think that we should say it like that. I mean, my grandparents, too. Although, I will say one of my grandparents... Actually, both of my grandfathers were kind of dogs. In what way? Not, like, in, like, the D-A-W-G way. Like, they both had affairs and left their wives. Oh, okay. And then went and had children with the other woman. Right.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
So they were really interested in sex. Yeah. And then, like, one of them... I'm not going to say who. I'll narrow it down to two. We're not, I can't even follow your family.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah. Yeah. It'll be honestly me neither because they mix because some of the branches go into the other branches. That's why you hear this shit. Oh, you're confused. His uncle, like, no, no, no, no. There are two cousins that are distant cousins, like third cousins, that distant meaning they live 10 miles from each other. Go ahead. They, they, they are now married. Um,
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
That'll do something to the root of the tree. Yeah, and they have a kid whose eyes are in his mouth. Yeah. No, no, no. I'm kidding. I don't even know if they were able to have kids. God bless. I think that's a good place to start some ads, I think. Oh, I was going to tell you about my... Who's your uncle? No, it's not.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
That's a three. Fuck. But, yeah, so I think my mom, like, smoked a little bit of the grass, the devil's lettuce. Well, you definitely shouldn't say that. There's definitely better ways to say that. Devil's lettuce? Yeah, because weren't – it was – I think, like, all those, like, old-timey terms for weed were kind of, like, a little insensitive toward people of color.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
One of my grandfathers had an affair and then was with the new woman and would fly the other woman, like his original wife, to come spend weekends with him. In the house?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
That's crazy that you're just appropriating like the way that like fucking people did that. I mean you told us so we were to smile on your face. I feel like I'm the only one who should get credit here. Look at this. Look at this. Look at this smile. There's no smile.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
You're happy. Any of your grandparents cheat on each other?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
They were all, let me guess, they were all happy until the end.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
You still got a pair left? Wait, both of them or like one and one? No. Hold on, read the ads. I'm going to ask you about your fucking old ass grandparents.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Okay. All right, cool. Why are we laughing at that? Yeah, crazy. Anyway, we do have some more sponsors here. We have FitBod. FitBod is going to create a personalized workout routine based on your goals, fitness level, and available equipment. So if you don't have...
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
uh access to a gym membership or anything like that or there's like the gym's too far away or i just don't like going to gyms you can do so with just the equipment that you have in your apartment or your house even if you don't have equipment you can also create a personalized workout routine for yourself through uh through fitbod uh workouts adapt to your growth so each workout is challenging enough to push you to make progress so it attracts your muscle recovery and things like that you can't just go online and find a workout routine that's going to work for you
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
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The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
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The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
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The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
It's nice because you're not competing against pros or anything like that. You're just competing against these projections, so you can build these lineups, and all you have to pick is more or less. or less. That's all, and you can win up to 1,000 times your money. PricePix, you can mix and match players' projections from different sports.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Combine your favorite basketball players with players from baseball, hockey, esports, and much more. They have a bunch of different sports to choose from. It's not just the main ones, so go check it out. It offers Venmo, Apple Pay, MasterCard, and more for quick and easy deposits into your account this sports season.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Uh, yeah, download the app today and use the code basement to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Okay. So all you have to do is download that app, uh, use the code basement to get $50 instantly after you play just a $5 lineup. So enjoy, have fun and, uh, you know, be responsible. All right, folks. What was that? There's a lot of construction going on.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Well, yeah, because they – it was, like, a popular thing to smoke by –
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
There is a lot of bangs, and none of them are from Dr. Dan. I'm sure there's tons from Dr. Dan. So you got a pair left? We got a pair. Good for you, man. Are they like, how old? Are they in their 70s or 80s?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Okay. I mean, still kind of relatively, I guess not. Everyone back then, they were having kids. They were like, you're 20 now. Time to have a child. Yeah. Crazy. You like them? Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
what do you call them something white like oh my god do you have those names and again it's my italian side so it's nono and nana oh okay that's not too bad yeah i like that did you abuela abuelita abuelito yeah and then yaya and papu his accent is so fake no that's what we say yeah yeah yeah i mean yeah yeah you were there yeah yeah yeah i know you can't not say that but papu I never met Papu.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
black men and women so like the white people were just like you know you know how they be but what i thought the devil's lettuce was like because it's a drug also yeah like but like there's another word for them i don't want to say because it's it's kind of mean but like it has to do with a type of music and then they call it the music cigarette I've never heard that before in my life.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah. Did you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We used to see him. When did he grow? The same year as my grandmother, as his ex-wife. Damn. So he came to the wake and he was just like, he showed up. He came to the wake and then died that year? Yeah. Damn, bro. All people die because of broken hearts. It's kind of sweet. I mean, no, I don't think he had a broken heart. I think he was like super cool.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
He was super cool with it. I mean, he showed up, bro. He probably broke his fucking heart. Honestly, bro, if I showed you a picture of this man, you'd say, get the fuck out of here. Why? Because there is the Greek-est looking man on the planet. The Greek-est looking man. I'll show you. I'm picturing cigarettes. Hell yeah. And gold chains. Mmm, I don't remember gold chains. Hairy chests.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Hell yeah. The mustache, dude? You couldn't believe it. Fuck, I really want to show you right now. Why feet are sitting down outside of the cafe? This guy, he had several restaurants. He was like a cook. Wow. And that's, you know, the guy was fucking something. But yeah, he came to my grandmother's, and he would always, he'd scare me when we were kids. He'd pop his teeth out. He had dentures.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
He'd look at me and he'd go, and he'd fucking drop his teeth out of his mouth and scare the shit out of me. He's a good guy. Damn, that's crazy. Yeah, he's a good guy. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about this thing.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Apparently there was a – wait, before I even get to that, which maybe probably at this point we will never get to, but I wanted to ask you this question that I thought of yesterday, and I was like, would you drink a full – Let me just pull it over here. Would you drink a full 16-ounce cup? A pint. A draft beer. A pint. Of a random person's piss. Right?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
can't throw up or else it doesn't count yeah you think you can do that i start gagging right now and you'll throw up i'll be all right if you get the fuck out of here 16 ounce glass of a random person's piss you have to get the whole thing down you can't throw up is there a time limit on what how long it takes me to drink this piss No, but why would you want to stretch it out?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I mean, if I only take a little bit and I stretch it out to, you know, like two, three days. Oh, no way. I think you just chug it as fast as you possibly can.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah. If anything, you get one wish and it can't be money. So then what could the wish be? There's other things in the world besides money, you pig. Crazy with the pig. What do you mean? Crazy. What would you wish for? I have some questions. Go. Is the piss diseased? So that's the thing. It's a random person's piss. If it is diseased. Is it diseased piss?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Is it dirty piss? Here's the thing. If it's yellow, it ain't some clear, you know, guy. Okay, so I can't even. I'll know it's piss.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
There's no doubt about it. It is so piss. Is pee carbonated? Shouldn't be. No. I've seen some bubbles in my pee. He's going to the computer. P is not carbonated. Are we okay, guys? Do we even know what that means? It's in there. It can't be. Because urine carbonated always seems so bubbly. I think it's just like if you smash water together. Well, that's Quora. We don't know how accurate Quora is.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Let's go to that one. Northwestern medicine. This is foamy urine. Oh, my God. If we're going to find out.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Frank's going to find out. Oh, no, no, no. An STD. What causes foamy urine? Your kidneys.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Have you ever heard that? You're so tapped into, like... Yeah, man. But backtracking a little bit. Again, you know I'm not a cigarette smoker, but... If you pulled out of your jacket, those like old timey metal things that like held cigarettes.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
So, is it a diseased piss? So, you don't know. But if it is a diseased piss, I don't even know if, I mean, I'm sure you can get sick from drinking piss, probably. But, like, if you drink the piss, it's not like you're impervious to the sickness. The only thing is you won't, like, have some long-lasting thing that happens to you.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
So, if it's diseased, it might be something that's easily curable, whether it be that day or a couple weeks. Right, but you'll feel the effects of the piss. Well, yeah, I mean, it's piss. Rarely poses a health risk. Okay, so there you go. I mean, of course, there's, you know, STDs and stuff in there that I would not want. Can you get STDs from drinking piss? I believe so.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Bro, it's like bodily fluids. Pathogens contained in urine rarely poses a health risk. Yeah, but bodily fluids. These bodily fluids do not spread HBV, saliva, tears, sweat, or pee. Huh, interesting. Okay. There you go. Would you do it? Ant has a question. Ant.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Great question. Can I mix it with anything or it's got to be straight peak? No, no, no. All right. You could chill it, but you can't put ice cubes in it. Well, then how are you chilling it? Are you just letting it sit in the fridge for? Yes. Answer your own question very easily. Pour it over a couple dash of bitters. Can I make it into something else? You have to taste the piss full on.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I mean, I'll taste the piss. Yeah, no, you're going to have to full piss it. Because if I put it in like an alcoholic drink, like a pina colada. That would be a good pee pee It would be the easiest piss I ever drank Yeah Wait you've drank more piss?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Why did you do this? Like, it didn't matter what the wish for.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
So you can't see him, obviously. But Joey goes, what do you wish for? He goes, teleportation. Like, obviously, idiot. Like, what else would I wish for? I didn't know that it was obvious. I thought it was just like, whatever, teleportation. Like, I'm not even going to think about it. I would wish, you know what I would wish for? I would do it, yes. Because, whatever, brother. Piss.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Me and piss are like this at this point. It is a random piss. It's not your piss. I mean, if there's nothing about the piss that's gonna be like... And you also said don't throw up. I'm taking the chance. There's a good shot I'm gonna throw up. And you would spread it out over a course of days? Just two days. A little sip of piss. You know?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I feel like that would just make the whole experience much worse. Like I'm continuously going back and forth. All right, so maybe I'll try to chug it. I don't know. In this hypothetical, I'm sorry I haven't figured out. Can't hold your nose either. Can't hold your nose. That doesn't work for me. People that do that where they're like, and they take a shot, still taste it. You do that shit.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I thought he does. I'm just going to, I'm backing you up here. Thanks. Yeah, I mean, I'm taking the chance. And then I'm wishing for, like...
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
tony stark level intellect i'm talking like this the brains to be able to do anything and figure out anything i want to make it clear so not world peace not wishing for i can make i can hold on hold on i can teleportation yeah what do you mean so you're not taking world peace mister i can fucking snap of a finger you're good you'd be jumper that's what you want to be the 2006 movie jumper he just wants to be able to get back and forth from epcot
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
And you made them earlier. They're like, yeah, they're like, you bought the tobacco at the store. See, I would do that. Really? I mean, it's still bad. It's still bad tobacco. Duh. That's not why I'm saying I would do it. I would do it because it's just cool. Or, honestly, I hate this aesthetic, but there is something about a rolled up cigarette pack in your sleeve.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I'm saying, yeah, because with that intellect, I could solve world peace, you know? Tony Stark wasn't able to, but I could. I don't think no one's smart enough to come up with world peace. I just don't think the rest of the world is willing. That's true. That is true. But I would be willing. I'd be smart enough that I'd be able to make them willing, you know, with my Iron Man armor.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Is your wish that you'd be Iron Man? No, but just like Bruce Wayne-level intellect. Because with that intellect— He picked two billionaires, by the way. Well, Bruce Wayne is not just a— By the way, he's known to having a genius-level intellect. It's not like I'm picking Elon Musk, who very well could be a dummy. I'm saying you did pick two billionaires, though. Okay.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
All right, Charles Xavier intellect. Is that just mind reading? Well, he's also very smart. I don't know. He's a professor. He's a professor. There's so many. Sorry that all the smart people I can realize. Stephen Hawking, you know? Yeah. Very smart. Very smart. You know? But I'm just saying. Yeah, yeah. But you say, like, you would want to be as smart as you can possibly be.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
The smartest to ever exist. Like, there's nothing out of my intellectual reach. Okay. Drinking piss to get there. Yeah, whatever. I mean, listen, man. That's life. You can't make an omelet without cracking a couple eggs. You can't be smart without drinking a couple cups of piss. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
But, okay. Same thing. Wait, what are you wishing for? Uh, what did I say? I said that I would wish for, I would never get sick. Patek fully perpetual calendar. I would get, I would never get sick. That would be, that would be a good one, but I would be smart enough to figure out that I'd never like, I can never get sick. I don't think that you, the brain, I can cure the common cold.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
What do you think? Because you're smart, bacteria dies? Well, no. If my brain knows no bounds, then I would be able to solve all of the world's problems. Hunger, war. I mean, you don't have to be a genius. Sickness. Frank, you don't have to be a genius. Like I said, you can figure out how to do world peace, but people have to be willing.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah, but that's the other part of it, is that you need to be smart enough to understand how they're going to be willing. So I'd be smart enough to do it all. No.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Well, now you used the M word. I never said manipulate. I just said that I'd be smart enough to figure it out. Right. Yep. What would you wish for? Oh, you said never get sick again. I could never get sick. Like, I just know that, like, I'll just always be healthy no matter what. But does that mean that you'll live forever? No.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Because technically, dying of natural causes is as a result of sickness. Yeah, so, like, I also thought about that, too. I mean, obviously, I'm still, like, I could get hit by a bus. Like, that could happen. Damn, that sucks. It does suck, but that's a reality. So why not wish? You could get hit by a bus, too. Genius. No, because I would be smart enough to not get hit by a bus.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
To get out of the way. I'd be smart enough to not. I'd understand the probability of a bus hitting me that day, and I would remove myself from that opportunity. Yo, you doing this as the smartest person in the world, I would kill you with a gun. But I would know that you'd be pissed and I would see the gun killing coming.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I knew that I would, you know, like Ozymandias, another, again, a billionaire. You don't know who that is. I don't know. Who's Ozymandias? From the Watchmen. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay, but now, same thing, and it can be money. Okay. Human shit. Log of poop. One log of poop. Yeah, but, like, the master log. I didn't know you had different rankings for cracks. But you know what I mean.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Oh, like your fucking Johnny from the fucking greasers? Yeah, exactly. When we were kids, when I would do Cub Scouts, my sister and I- What? You did Cub Scouts? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did Cub Scouts. Do you have badges?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Just, all right, so a good, like, just, I mean, that's too big. Yeah. You know what I'm saying. Yeah. But just a log of solid shit this large. And it's a random person, bro. And I can't do anything to this log of shit. You could use a fork and knife. Can I throw up? Because that is gonna make me throw up. That's gonna make me throw up. Yes, you can throw up.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah, so then I'm taking the shot, baby. You're taking the shot?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
And you're definitely getting sick. I mean, you're eating bull. Well, actually, no, I'm not. And I'll tell you why. Because with the cup of piss, I have the genius intellect to figure out how to become the smartest man, richest man alive. No, this is the... What does that have to do with eating the shit?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I won't have to eat the shit and wish for money because I already have the intellect to figure out how to be the richest person on the planet.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
And that doesn't even mean that I would use my intellect for that. Maybe. He's like, if I'm smart, then I can invent. And now I'm back to the billionaire. I'm yeah, I'm like obviously different worlds. You're are you would you eat the shit?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Can I chill it? What is this? Can I chill honestly, I feel like it'd be better hot I Hot and ready like Little Caesars Can I chill it is such a funny question Why you wanted to be like sausage I'm gonna get him. I'm gonna get him once you want it to be like
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
But, like, you want to be able to cut it like a sausage?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
What about... Oh, no. I got hiccups now. You deserve that a little bit. That's kind of disgusting for some reason. They have hiccups during this conversation. Go. Keep going. Keep going. What were you going to ask next? What are you doing? Oh, is this how you're going to get rid of them? Oh, you do the keep. You've done that a lot on a show. On the show.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
yeah i mean yeah yeah so far wow um god bless yeah so yeah well if it means if it means a comfortable life for everyone i know i will gladly eat a log of human shit six ounces of semen six ounces what is that fluid ounces Yeah. Well, I think there's a difference between fluid ounces and just weight.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I think that means something else, but it was at St. Francis. It wasn't very long, but I remember my parents, they used to dress me as fucking Danny Zuko from Grease, and my dad used to put an empty pack of Marlboro Reds in my t-shirt as like a five-year-old. Wait, I thought Cub Scouts wear uniforms. But, like, they had, like, you had to make, like, those cars.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
No. Two shots. Two shot glasses, I meant. Oh! Two shot glasses. I don't know. I can't pick the person.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Honestly, I think that's where I draw the line. Semen. Yeah. Two shot glasses of blood. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'll ask for a third. What's a... Ew, dude. I'm kidding. Two bloods is crazy. Nah, blood, that's... Really? I'm disgusted by it. Really? Like arm, like blood. If it's my own blood, I don't care. It's not your blood. That's the point. It's a random person's blood.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
The idea of drinking a random person's blood is so disgusting.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Let's be very clear. All this was gross and probably got us demonetized a while ago. Probs. But good morning to whoever is watching the show. Yeah, on their drive to work. We're like, it's going to be a beautiful day. It's going to give you something to think about for the rest of the day, though, because you are going to probably ask your friends, like, yo, are you drinking this piss?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
That's a good question. Yeah. I'm going to ask. Yo, the piss thing is probably like anyone who says no is a fucking idiot and you should kick them out of your lives. Like you should be able to easily drink a glass of piss. Piss means nothing to me.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Bear Grylls is different, though. I know. He's a weirdo. I think there's some stuff about Bear Grylls that's not very nice. How about the fact that his name is Bear Grylls? Awesome. Definitely can't be his real name, though. Yeah. Definitely. Give us that.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
If he has a whack name. Yeah, if it's like Roger Stevenson, I'm going to be so pissed. Bear Grylls' real name. Edward Michael Grylls.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
No, it's not. And honestly, he deserves to drink his own piss.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
oh his sister gave him the nickname bear when he was a week old so it's not his own all right you know what but he also perpetuates it because you know he goes around he's like my name's bear you know he does it so damn he's what's his wife's name shauna looks like shara what does that say where oh here shara grills shara oh shara grills or is that a weird sarah Maybe it could be.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
for giving anyone anything for my jacket pockets of course it is really cool you haven't smoking cigarettes which is cool all not actually know it is don't do it don't do it don't look don't do it yet but like uh... at weddings sometimes that the car i got is too wide and uh... i hate that it's so fucking i hate that listen as a former cigar smoker You gave it up? You're a retired cold turkey?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Cause there's a lot of like Irish names that are like, it's spelled and it's like, the name is like Siobhan.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
It's like, but it's, it's spelled like Sheboygan or something. Yeah. Like what are we doing here? Yeah. Well, we don't want to offend anyone that speaks Gaelic. So, right. Or anyone that watches this name Siobhan.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Or anyone that's watching this name Saoirse. What's that? That's another like Gaelic Irish name. Like the actress Saoirse Ronan. It's spelled like S-A-O-I-R-S-E. Soiree. There's a lot of those. There's a lot of those like really difficult to pronounce Gaelic names. I used to tell people I was Gaelic because I just thought Gaelic meant Irish. I didn't know. There's no way you were getting.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Like when I heard gay lick in like 2004, I was just like, huh? A gay lick? Yeah. Ew. You speak what? You're going to gay lick your boys? That's an interesting question. I think that's where we can end. Right there. You know what I mean? With gay lick. Right. Gotcha. Okay. I mean, all right. Where can they find you, Frank? Drinking a cup of piss to become the smartest man in the world. I wish.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
You never saw those where, like, you had to, like, woodwork a car and, like, win a race? My dad put so many quarters in that thing. You strike me as a Cub Scout. No, no, no.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
FAlvarez8085 on Twitter. The Frank Alvarez on all other forms of social media. Go check it out. Patreon. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. If you're coming to any of the shows in Europe, TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Go follow TheBasementYard on everything. Go follow Joe on everything. Go follow Ant on nothing. And then, yeah. You saw that coming. You did. You saw it. Yeah, I did. You saw it.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah. Go, go, go. Anyway, guys. I love how he goes like this. He goes like, prepare. Yeah, anyway, guys.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
One more time. Yeah, his eyes are going. All right, guys. Seriously, this time we're not going to.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Turn off the lights when you leave the basement. Better? Okay.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Well, I think you need to go from one to the other. You can't be an Eagle Scout if you don't start as a Cub. I don't know the hierarchy. I stopped at Cub. I was done. I think I saw too much.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Were you a part of clubs when you were younger? I will say I did go camping with some Boy Scouts once, and it was an experience. Were you a Boy Scout?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Or were you an adult? I'm not an adult. Because the way you said that. It was like I went camping with some Boy Scouts. I was in middle school, and some of the kids that I went to school with were like – you remember some of them. Yeah. They were Boy Scouts, and, like, we went for, like, two nights. And it was just like – I don't remember where. It was somewhere in New York.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
But, like, it wasn't, like, anything intense. It was one of those, like – you ever see those TikToks of that guy that's, like, in the wilderness, and there's, like, a shack that's, like, four campers? The guy with – The guy that's just like, so we're gonna be digging out. Is that the guy with the glasses? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that guy. I will kill for him.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
We watched one of his videos when we were in Vancouver. We did. We threw it on the TV. This dude gets like 28 million fucking watches a month. He's like, look at this. And then he takes a stick out and he's like, 14 foot snow. I'm like, dude, get off of that. It's dangerous, my guy. I love, I forget what his, I think it's like Brave Wilderness or some shit like that. Yeah, I don't know.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
But he's like, So today we're going to be like, I brought this homemade bread and it's just dough in a bag. And he's like, and I got this honey butter and he's just scooping charred bread that he made over the fire into honey butter.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
There is a TikTok account that I, there's a couple of them, but there's one in particular that I don't remember the name, but it's this dude who has the sharpest knife in the world. Is it the obsidian knife? What is that? Star Wars? Sword from Zelda? What is that? Do you want me to go off about the swords from Zelda?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Because there's the Skyward Sword. All right, go ahead. No, but this guy, he, like, goes out into nature, and he'll find a piece of wood or something, and then there's, like, a river. So he'll, like, grab a fuck—he'll get a fish, and then, like, he'll scale the fish.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
And he like takes a big like rock and he wets it and cleans it in the river And then he just like puts it on he cooks a steak on this fucking and then he's got the steak and then he takes it like a piece of rosemary or just like a piece of Leaf and then he like dips that in olive oil and he goes like this and I'm like do this guy's not worried about And he throws an onion in the air and he catches it on his knife and
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
God, whatever this big knife guy is, you love your knife, and I love your skills. I love your knife and skills as well. Those are the best, dude. When he throws the onion and then catches it, and then he turns it over, and then he starts going, shung, shung, shung, shung.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
I think I'm done, baby. You're a cold turkey. I'm gone. Yeah, I got nothing.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Oh, it's so good. You know why I like it? Because I know I could never do it. Dude. And then when he slices like rosemary, like extra thin, and he's like, Rosemary rosemary is like a leaf.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
That's not what I'm talking about Oh, but he has like parsley and yeah And he's like Like he has like a mortar and pestle and he puts like peppercorns in it and he's like the dude Dude, it's sharp and then he and then he yeah, yo, bro.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
My turkey. Because I got no reason to right now. What was the reason before? Enjoying it. How is that not the reason? I don't know. Maybe if the time was right. But right now, I'm in a place of just like, I don't need it. I'm trying to not die. But whipping out a cigar and then whipping out a Zippo lighter out of one of those bitches and just being like, Zippo lighters. Oh, dude.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, yo, there's salt and pepper. It's everywhere. But you're like, I'm going to make it. I could see you in a couple years after all this is said and done. Joey's going to be one of those. He's going to be it. And I'm proud of you. Thank you. I've done it. I know, but, like, the prospect of you doing it, I'm proud of you. Yeah. I would love for, like, a Patreon video.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
You mean Duck Hunt, but... I do mean Duck Hunt. You mean Duck Hunt. Awesome.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Unbelievable. And then, so the guy I was going to bring up before, I forgot who he is. As if his name would matter here. I don't know. He, like, makes, like, ancient tools. And he's, like...
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
He has a piece of cowhide on his leg, and he holds a piece of obsidian, and he takes a rock.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Obsidian is super-cooled lava that becomes glass. And like a lot of like ancient, uh, um, I was gonna say companies, no ancient cultures and, uh, uh, what's it civilizations would make tools out of this shit because when it, it breaks so thin and it's like 30 times sharper than a scalpel and you don't need to sharpen it because the more it breaks, it just breaks thinner and thinner.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
So like old swords, Look up old obsidian swords. Look that up right now. Old obsidian swords. Do they sell this? Let's get a sword. Let's get a sword in here? Yeah. Old obsidian swords. Look at this.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
And they were like the ancient, oh man, I feel bad that I won't be able to understand like correctly.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Aztec. Okay. And they would like shing, shing, but then they'd catch them and then rip it. And it would just fuck their shit up. Damn, dude. I'm not on ancient tool-making TikTok. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he, like, holds it. Whoa, are those obsidian fucking butt plugs?
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
But, like, if he, like, takes it and he's like, bang! And he hits it with a rock and it, like, pokes. It, like, cuts off.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Like, let's see some skills. You know what I'm saying? Well, I think what we do is very skilled. In a different way. It ain't making obsidian swords. I mean, you wouldn't see them going and selling out Radio City. What are they going to do? I would buy a ticket to that. If there was a... Hold on. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
If I could go to a show where a guy's gonna... Oh, you know you go to like a Peyton sip and you're like, ha ha. Like if someone's like, yo, we're gonna make ancient fucking swords in here. And we're gonna drink some wine. That's probably a little too dangerous. Alright, shut up. What if it's...
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Uh, you know how they would do, like, the old-timey, like, people watching surgeries in, like, the theater in the round? I think they still do that. Yeah. I mean, weird now that we do that. Like, we could... It's for students. I know, but still stupid. Like, if they... I think the students should learn how to do surgery before they do surgery. Yeah, they could be in the room.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
They don't need to be watching it like a fucking vulture. How are you going to get out? You're not in his way. Can I sit with you and watch? Yeah. Done. You don't need to fucking have it in a pod where people watch you like it's a lion's den. I think that's actually what they call it. Or maybe that was a wrestling match that included Ken Shamrock and Steve Blackman. Those are wrestlers. They were.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
What a great... Bro, lighters? Lighters. All of them? Like, there's some... Metal ones. Metal lighters. Oh, yeah, like plastic BICs. Yeah, like, I'm not. Listen, no offense to BICs, but why pens and lighters? Like, why is that? That's very confusing to me, to be honest.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
But... Yeah, I don't know either. I have no idea where we were. Now you've offended me. You've offended me. But if they did that, but like in there, they're not doing surgery. They're just like shaping wood into a canoe.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Just like woodworking. There's that guy. Remember that guy who went viral years ago on Twitch? I think he's from New Zealand or from Australia. And he's just a big happy dude. And he's just like...
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
You know, and he's just like, and like someone gifted him a sub and he's like, Oh, I want to send you the money back. You don't need to do that. I just like doing this. And now he's huge, dude. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
It's funny because... His name is like Brox or something like that. That's a sick name. So cool. But that's also the impression he does for David Beckham.
The Basement Yard
#494 - Visiting Docter Dan
Maybe it's a little close. You know what? They are pretty similar. Bro, if I saw David Beckham and I heard him talk like that, I know I could beat him up. If I saw this guy, I know I can't. You think realistically you could beat up David Beckham? Absolutely not. I've seen him. I mean, maybe. You've seen him sitting down, Joey. He was standing at one point. But he's not that tall. He's what?
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Yeah, he does. And he doesn't move. And he's like, I think I'll go to sleep now.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
When my arm's asleep, I hang it off of the bed so that it's like, I can feel the blood just like, oh, but then you can feel it.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
No, it's like, it's like filling up my arm. And I was like, oh, and now I can move.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
You ever try to hurt yourself? I do. Well, that's not what I want.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
16 is kind of crazy. Putting the pillow over your face. I have done that though.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
I would like to be in the fucking parade. What do we got to do?
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Frank, look at me. NSYNC that's performing at the Macy's Day Thanksgiving Parade isn't up at 2 a.m.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
At the count of three. At the count of 400. We're going to let go.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Oh, I'm an idiot. Yeah, you are. The strings are probably bullshit at this point. I don't think those people are holding them down. They're told by trucks. That makes way more sense.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Really? Because you seem to know the itinerary.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
It was like, no, it's fine. You don't even need big tits to work here anymore. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
As long as you're willing to wear the underwear that's riding in your ass, we don't care how big your tits are.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
I know, but that doesn't mean that like they're going away.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Let's back it up. Those two years are massive for me.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Do you think people do beer towers at weddings?
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
You're super fucked up. Where's my keys? Where's my keys is not what I meant to say, by the way. I'm pretty sure. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Try like ten. Ten summers where Frank refused. refused to drink beer unless it was in a boot glass. Or you'd wear the helmet. The helmet.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Get two beer towers in here, and we should just crush them.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
And not only that, but they also have a lot of tools that will help you optimize your traffic. It will let you know where the traffic is coming from. And with that, you can allocate your marketing funds or whatever it is.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click instantly to book an appointment. This is true. Before ZocDoc was even a sponsor on this, I used them because I had no idea how to even book a doctor after I was off of my parents' insurance. I was like, I have my own insurance, but I don't know who takes it or whatever it is.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
That's very confusing, at least here in New York it is. So I looked online and I found ZocDoc. You put in your insurance, you put in like what kind of care you need. whether it be a primary care physician or a specialist or anything like that. Then you hit search.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Weird, the things that you do, you know? That was a weird time.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
That's a picture of a clown. Yeah, that's a clown, brother. Full on clown.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Energy movements. Yep, yep, yep. This kind of thing. Yes. Also, isn't this so weird that growing up everyone had that one dude in the neighborhood who would randomly be like, is that the guy doing Tai Chi over there?
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
It's about balance you just Knocking some guy over and they're all just like yeah, how can you sit there?
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Get like an ex-Navy SEAL and just have them be like, come up to the crowd. I need a volunteer. And just make them shit their pants. That would be so awesome. Can you imagine that?
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Oh, is that? Whoa. Is that Topanga now? She was at like a WWE event recently. Look at that shirt. That's a Frank shirt there.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
And I remember seeing that specifically where the lights go off and the lights turn on. Yes. And the guy's got a pencil through his head. Yep. And he slides down the wall and he goes, I'll always remember he was this tall.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
that the strangers concept once you're getting into like haunting like i don't know why see i'm the opposite i things that are real freak me out way more than things that are like supernatural yeah but like uh i i agree but i i just feel differently about like haunting and like religious shit because i'm like oh i don't i don't know i mean yeah i mean you all you were also raised more religious than i was so like i can understand becca's like that though but that's not why it's like there's there's
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
accounts of Exorcisms like there's people who do them.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
You cried about girls too. What up, bitch? I did. Remember when you cried?
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Yep, full circle. That's how zoned in you were on Cisco that you remember the next day.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Or I had a bunch, and I was just going through, and one of them said, Kelsey, it's from your best friend Kelsey. And then he went, what? And I looked at him, and he looked at me like I stabbed him. And he was like, I thought I was your best friend. And I was like, you are. She wrote that. I didn't write that. And he was like,
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
I won, bitch. Bro, do you remember when Kelsey moved away? I remember the next year. It was basically she went to Japan, dude. She moved 15 minutes out.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
I remember one morning we were walking to school and I was wearing a headband. Not relevant to the story. But I was wearing a gray headband, and you wrote facts into the concrete, and I was too afraid to write my name in it.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Yeah. Sorry for the last five minutes. We're just reminiscing.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Yeah. Yeah. Guys, go follow the show at TheBasementYard on TikTok and Instagram.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
That sounded like a little crazy, right? Because you always talk about how we went into the ice cream truck. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
You were, you were, they were actually. They were lemon. Those are much better than the, the, the Ninja Turtle ones that you love so dearly. Fuck you! Oh no, the Tweety Bird. Also fuck you!
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Can someone explain how hard it could possibly be to put the gumball eyes in the right place?
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Thank God you had chocolate bunny. Question though. No.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Named it Miss Crab Tree and Keith wanted it to like run around and like open the thing and then it just ran away. How fast could it have gotten away? Honestly, now that I'm thinking about it, maybe my mom just fucking tossed it. It's like, oh, it ran away.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
I didn't even tell you. I had a dream about you. Oh. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
I don't remember if there was anyone driving, but you were sitting in the passenger seat. Okay. And then I was just going, I was trying to talk, but I couldn't. Oh no. Like it was like, I'm trying to talk.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Frank! I hate that part of dreams. But you wouldn't hear me. Oh, no. Because eventually I'd get it out, but it would be so low. So then the next time I'd try to yell, but it would be like, Frank! No, no. You'd never fuck me up.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
Or like you eventually throw it and it's like, oh, this is so, it's not going to hurt anybody.
The Basement Yard
#493 - Joe Had A Dream About Frank
What? It looks like you're in the middle of throwing a curveball. I know.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank. Oh, oh, oh, ooh, ooh. You know how I'm triggered by pointing, so cut it the fuck out. This is the new studio, so you're looking at it now. It's very lovely. Frank, nice little Power Ranger you got there.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
30 seconds must have felt like four minutes. I was like... He hasn't even been back there long, so I can't imagine there's anything too crazy going on. But she's like, I just wanted to let you know that we're very big Basement Yard fans. And I was like, this fucking girl just scared the shit out of me. Oh, see, they should have ran with it. They should have ran with it. Bro.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
If I was her, I'm telling you, your dog has something crazy on him. It's like, pranked, you've been pranked. Right. I'm a big Basement Yard fan. That's why you're not a doctor. Um, can you imagine this kid has a doctor? It's like, yo, your son died. It's like, what? Nah, he has a fever. Did you ever see, did you ever see, uh, oh, you've never seen Arrested Development.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
And have you seen Arrested Development? I have not. The doctor that they consistently run into that just like uses double entendres and they're all like, we don't know what the fuck this guy's trying to say. And they're like, well, I have some bad news. He's going to be all right. And I'm like, how's that bad news? He's like, because the left side of his body is all paralyzed.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
He's going to be all right. So she tells me they're big basement yard fans, and they're going to give me $500 off. I was like, what? You better. Insane. The name of this place? You better promote this shit like it's crack. It was the Long City Bond Vet. Shout out to them. Good for you. So then I'm like, okay, cool. Some sort of thing that worked out today. Take Charlie home.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
This is where it gets interesting. Get him in the car. They give me all the pills and shit. I drive there. And then as soon as I get out of my car, he walks over to the first tree that he sees, lifts his leg like he's going to pee, and starts firing out yellow diarrhea. Right? No pee. Can I ask you a serious question? I'm not done. Okay.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
As the stream gets less and less, now he's just shitting on his own leg. The one that's in the ground. Ew! So he's shitting on his leg, and I'm like, bro, this is so fucking disgusting, right? Yes? You picked the episode where there's food in front of us, enticing food, may I add, that I'm not allowed to eat, apparently, according to you, to tell this story? Yeah. Okay, go ahead.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
So it came out like Play-Doh. But it looks good. It is wet. I'm excited, though. Can I get some of the... It's a proper brunch episode, ladies and gentlemen. It is. You know, the boys like to do brunch one way, and that's... Oh my god, this chicken looks amazing. Out of control. And the hot sauce, too. And the hottie sauce. This guy, he knows what he's doing. He does know what he's doing.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I'm trying to find the right time. Just don't eat it here. Okay. Fucking guy. All right. So. No, no, no. No fork and knife. Look, I'm clanging and banging. Look, I'm not clanging or banging. I'm doing this. There's no banging of clangs. I'm just, I'm like removing the meat. By the way, this is good looking chicken. Where'd we get this from? Sweet chick. Oh, never had it.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Isn't that the place that Nas partially owned? Yeah. That's cool. Nas, come on the show. That would be extremely strange if Nas came on this show. That would be cool though. We'll all wait. We'll wait for you. No, no, no. Onward. I'm not clanging or banging. So he's got shit all over his leg. So we go into the elevator. And there's a woman who gets in the elevator.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I'm like, this is my worst nightmare now. Because the woman, what did you do? Are you throwing up? What's going on? I'm trying not to have the sound of my chewing in the mic. Great. So we get into the elevator, and the woman who gets in, she's like, oh, he's so cute. And I'm like, this woman only knew, right? Because his face turned around. Oh, he smells like shit in the elevator.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Bro, the most dog shit you've ever smelled in your life. Yo, she literally keeps checking her shoes. She thinks it's you. No, she thinks she stepped in dog shit. She keeps checking her shoes. She's getting off on like the 16th floor. And I'm like, get this woman out of here. So she's like checking her shoes like twice. She checked them. And I was like, nope, not the dog shoes. Not the dog shoes.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Not dog shit. It's my dog's leg. It's your dog's leg. Yeah. So then I have to put them in the tub. I put him in the tub. This is fucking disgusting. I put on gloves. This is so gross. I put on gloves. I hope that you're not going in. Did you at least take your clothes off? I took my shirt off. So you're shirtless with gloves washing your dog.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
There is a whole sect of the internet that is just fucking horny right now. Which one? What porno is that? I don't know. You tell me, King Porno. I'm not King Porno. You're King Porno. You just got horny. You're like, oh, shirt off, wash it off. You think I got horny for you, bitch? You think I got horny for you, bitch? You wish, bitch.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
You wanna know why? Because I'm straight, bitch. Oh, dude, I'm telling you, if you were to post a picture with your, with yellow, you were using Dexter's mom's gloves, right? Oh, no, they were white. They weren't long. They were just hands. Oh, so it was just like doctor, like doctor. Oh, wait, wait, you have cloth gloves? They were latex. Or like nitrite or whatever it's called. Nitrite.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
He knows what he's doing. He's doing stuff. Although... Thank you so much. One syrup? What am I... What are we doing? Rationing? Yeah. What are we... It's tough out there, Joey. I don't know. The trees, the trees. You know what I've always wanted to eat? I don't know. Rations. Should we do a ration episode? A ration episode? You know how they have, like, canned something?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Is that what it's called? Nitrile? Nitrite? Napalm. No, no, I don't know. They were just white gloves. They were like, they were like latex. All right. And I was like washing them. So some of it got in his tail, right? And the reason why I know that... You had to jerk off his tail. I'm so glad someone else is here now to laugh at me. Because, like, how else would you clean a tail, brother?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I mean, yeah, you got to, like... You have to jerk it. So I start jerking his tail. Here we go. Now we're talking. How are you, were you standing next to him or over him? He's in the tub, and I'm like kneeling next to the tub, so I'm like washing him. Gotcha. And the dude hits a shake. He shakes shit in your face. He didn't shake shit in my face, but he definitely shakes shit on my chest.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
He shaked, and there was a streak of diarrhea. From nipple to nipple. And I literally was just like... Move over. I hate today! I think I actually yelled that. I hate today! And it was just like... I was like, bro! I would pay thousands of dollars. You should have seen me. Thousands of dollars to have been a fly on the wall for that. You know the... I have those loofahs that are like a ball.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one that look like... You know, like they're like... It's like lettuce. Twilly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I almost took my chest off with this in the shower. Just... Yeah, I had diarrhea on my chest. Connected my nipples. That is bad. And that's kind of how it ended. I mean, he's still sick right now. He's better, though.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I mean, this would be a really not fun story if at the end of it he, like, died. No, no, no. I just got a text from the vet today, and he said, like, his blood work is normal. Okay. He may have just eaten something that, like, I don't fucking know. Oh, I did give him a hemp chew the day before this happened, so maybe. A what? It's like CBD. You're giving your dog drugs. It's not drugs.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Like, it's for anxiety. I don't know about that. It sounds like you're... I mean, whatever. It's not blowing meth in his face. It's fucking CBD. I love how your dog has anxiety. I wonder why. He just let go of his entire fucking week's worth of food on himself. He's a very sensitive and cuddly guy. You know, they do say that dogs take the personality of their owners, their handlers.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I don't know what the proper term is. I don't want to offend any dog. I mean, I don't have separation anxiety, but I definitely like to cuddle and get close. I have a question. Okay. So you know how there are people out there that like to dress up as dogs and be on leashes and shit like that? Furries, yeah. Are they furries or are they dog people? No, they're furries. They're furries.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
But furries is different because furries are like- There's a very sect where they're just dogs. I'm not talking furries because furries are in mascot costumes. They're in big helmets. Those are expensive too. I would imagine. Yeah. But I'm talking the people that wear the ears and the face thing. And they hop over fences. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
The person that is in control of them, how does that, what do they call them? Like, are they in a relationship? Oh, like a master dog? Yeah. Like, is that what it is? I think they're the master. You're my dog-dom. Dummy dog. Type in dog play. Is it dog play? You want me to type in dog play? Oh, God, this is my computer. Dog playing. That's just a dog. That's like a playpen. That's a dog playpen.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
From, like, canned peaches from the 50s or something? Yeah, like, I'd like to get my hands on some war food. You know what I mean? You gotta be careful, man. Some of that stuff... I mean, I think canned, like, old-timey, like, survival food is different than, like, rations. Like, rations you'll get, like, it'll be like buffalo chicken, but it's, like, pressed into a cake. That's what I mean.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Humans are dogs. Humans are dogs, and they play. Put in, uh, dog... Humans when humans... Human wearing a leather dog face. Human wearing leather dog stuff. Wearing... Leather dog faces.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Yes, leather dog mask. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Boom. Boom. Leather puppy. Oh, it's pup play. Pup play. Puppyhood. It's not dog. It's pup. They're all puppies. They're young. Pup play. What color would you- Whoa, go to that one. That one looks cool. That looks like it's straight out of- Oh my God. You would love that. It looks like a Power Ranger. Honestly- Click on that one. Click on that one.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
They got the Puppy Avengers! That's the Puppy Queen! Oh my god. They're about to sing Puppy Bohemian Rhapsody. Which one is the coolest? Go. Honestly, it's... I think the red or the yellow. The red one. I mean, the guy has the... The blue one is clearly the leader, though. Clearly. I don't know. Whoa, dude. That looks like if it was, like, a Proud Boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
They'd wear that, and then they'd post something that's like, Defend... Oh, shit. These are cool, though. They are pretty cool. Damn, should we get some? No. Okay. Yeah, actually, honestly. I'm down. There's a company. What is this? MRS Leather. Hey, make custom ones for the basement yard. I think it's Mr. S Leather. Ah, that might be it. Let's see. You could make a custom one.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Please select a mask feature. Is that what that says? There's one review. Oh, what is it? What is it? Whoa, this is a long one. It's too long. I'm going to read it. All right. So they're reviewing the neoprene canine hood. Mr. S. Leather has been the name and quality kink gear for my personal journey, and their hoods are, in short, my gateway to home. Okay, good.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Hey, we're not kink shaming here, baby. At all. At all. I will say, have you ever walked around on your hands and feet like a dog in your life? Of course you have. I love it, dude. I think it's fun. Going up the stairs is peak. Exactly. Going up the stairs as a human sucks. Going up the stairs as an animal, really cool. Really cool.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
But have you ever tried to go down the stairs on your hands and feet? I'll try it tonight. I'll let you know how it goes. I'll create my will and testament first. We need to find a new fucking co-host here. And we also have ads. He was sitting there waving. Do the ads! I get excited, dude. I get excited. But we do have some ads for today. Okay?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I'm going to have to type in my password here that I don't remember for some reason. Okay, the first one we have here is BetterHelp. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp, which is online therapy. He's using this opportunity to eat. I'm trying to go really quiet, too. You heard no clanging or banging. BetterHelp is online therapy.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
If you want to dip your toe into the world of therapy, you can do so with BetterHelp. You can talk to a therapist in just under 48 hours. I've been in therapy for years. I think it's very beneficial. I think that everyone should be in it. But, yeah, and also it's just not for people who you think you have some, like, big traumatic thing that you have to get through or whatever.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
That's what I want to try. You want to do that? I think we can get rations. What are they called? MREs? Is that what they're called? Are you asking me? You seem to know a lot. And also, in your spare time, you and your boys eat a lot of shit. So I imagine you would know what a ration is. Yeah, I don't know. Frank, cheers? This smells delicious. We're not going to make it, dude.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Like, even if you feel like you don't have anything, like, any pressing matters or whatever, therapy is very helpful to help you with, like, decisions that you'll be making in the future or just better understanding yourself. At least in my opinion, I think it's very useful in that way. For anyone that would like to start doing therapy, you can do so with BetterHelp.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Go to betterhelp.com slash basementyard today, and you will get 10% off of your first month, okay? That is spelled B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash basementyard right now for that 10% off of your first month. And like I said, I've been in therapy for years now, and I think it's very beneficial, so shout out to BetterHelp. We also have FitBod.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
FitBod, it creates a personalized workout routine based on your goals, fitness level, and your experience. It can be very educational because they have over 1,000 demonstration videos. So even if you've never started your fitness journey or you don't know anything about fitness, you can learn a lot from these demonstration videos. You can also do it in the privacy of your own home.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
If you don't have access to a gym or you don't have any equipment or anything, they can still create a personalized workout routine that's body weight or if it's just dumbbells. or if you have full access to a gym, they also can create a workout routine for that. And they also track your muscle recovery so you can avoid burnout.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
So, yeah, it's like having a personal trainer but better, and you can do it, you know, whenever you want. And you can save 25% off of your subscription, or you can try the app for free for seven days at fitbod.me slash basement. That's F-I-T-B-O-D dot M-E slash basement. Okay, so go to fitbod.me slash basement right now, get that 25% off your subscription, or try the app for free. Enjoy.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Yeah, and listen, if you want company along the way in whatever journey you're taking this year, why don't you bring The Basement Yard, baby? Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard brings more of us directly into the palm of your hands or on your TV, however you consume The Basement Yard.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
So go to Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard and you sign up for that first year, you get these weekly episodes one whole week. That's right, seven whole days in advance. And then every single Friday you get exclusive episodes. Just for you and the other patrons that you can check out. So you start and end your week with The Basement Yard. Thank you so much.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
The reason we're in this new studio really is because of all of your support, especially the patrons. So we thank you guys. If you're able to take the Patreon journey with us, we welcome it. Also, we have two upcoming shows. We have the shows in Vancouver at the Judgment Labs. What the hell was that? I didn't even mean to make that sound.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
At the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival, and then we're doing the shows over in Europe. Let's make sure we specify Europe. Go to thebassbandyard.com slash submit. Let us know what shows you're coming to and submit questions, you know, answers to the responses that we have in there. We did it last year during the shows. We have prompts. They have the responses. Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
You know, we did it last year during the shows. They were really fun. People enjoyed them, and we liked interacting with people. It was a highlight for us, too. So go check it out. TheBasementYard.com slash submit if you're coming to those shows, and we'll see you there. All right. Lovely. That's beautiful. What? You wanted the other hot dog, right? Me? Yeah. Oh, alright, well you're here.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
So for people that watch the Patreon episode, they know that it was up for debate what I was going to be allowed to put up here because you- Yeah. You brought a lot of toys. I did. Mostly toys. Yeah. But some stuff made it. So I think it's well representative of me and well representative of... Hot sauce! Yeah, today you guys can go get this Bloody Mary hot sauce, okay?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Are you throwing a hot dog? The bun came out! There's a bite taken out! You took a bite of it and you gave it to me? You freak! And the bun! First of all, there are rules. I did, I texted him. No, I meant, you said throw me a hot dog. No, I didn't! I said Joey wants the other hot dog to eat. Can you bring it to him? Greg, you can hear me. I've never seen that!
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
We're not long enough. Come on! Yeah. Come on, cheers, brother. Cheers. And this has the hot sauce in it, right? Cheers, big ears. Yes, the hot sauce is in here. We made it with the Bloody Mary hot sauce. All right, here we go. Oh, oh, oh. That's not bad, dude. That's good. That's good. Right amount of spice with the hot sauce. Yo, that's actually good. Right amount of spice with the hot sauce?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
But also, like, you know that this bite that he took out of it, he was so upset by it, he was just like, This is my cheat. I shouldn't have done that. This is my cheat. I really shouldn't have done that. And he did it, and he was like, He's like, ooh. It's not cheese, so he'll eat it. I am pretty, I'm not even lying, I wanted that hot dog, so. Crush it.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
If you didn't want it, well, no, the bun's on the floor now! Eat as much of that hot dog as you can in one bite. I'm not doing this, Joey. In one bite. There are some, don't do it sideways, do it this way. There are some sneaky, that's way worse! There are some sneaky people on TikTok that'll be able to get videos of that, clips of that very quick, and it'll end up all over the sites.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I'm sure as you have sites that talk about your fucking sick feet, there are sites that talk about people that deep throat stuff. I'm not doing it. Nice try, America. Did I tell you that one time someone tried to get me to sell my fart to them? Or sounds of my fart. Yeah. Like a recording of my fart. Yeah, that happened to me too. I should have done that. That happened to me. Someone messaged me.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Remember their name? Their name was Fart Slave Frankie. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Fart Slave Frankie. Oh, I thought it was like Fart Slut. Close enough. Yeah, same thing. But they wanted my farts. I have too much pride to record my farts and sell them. I don't. I just will for the right price. I will sell a recording of my fart. So I think we talked about this a while ago. Has your price changed?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Has it gone up? On my fart? Yeah. You have more valuable farts than you did three years ago? If someone was willing to offer you, like, yo, next time you fart, take a video of it and just send it to me and I'll send you X, how much would that have to be? Per fart? One sitting of fart. Am I paying taxes on the money? No, it's cash. It's not cash. It's a Zelle.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Who do you think you are? Queen Elizabeth? Bitch, you have to set your standard high to make your farts more appealing. Yeah, Frank, you're not selling it to me. I'm just saying this is business 101. We need to get Jordan Belfort over there of farting. I mean, if you're going to ask me. Sell me this fart. Sell me this fart.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I think if you want to make, my farts are only going to have more value if I put them at a higher value. Think about it. Where are you going to settle, though? I would settle on $350,000. you know Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
It's actually good. It's actually good. Also, I'm going to say this. I made it. Yeah. I made the drink. It's not bad. So maybe all the ones that I've had in my life that I've hated, you're already on the hot dog. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. Frankie, you are the most disgusting piece of bastard I've ever seen in my life. That's good. You're dipping a hot dog in the Bloody Mary? I mean, we're in Rome.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
We're not in Rome. We aren't anywhere close to Rome. We're close to the room. I'm gonna put my syrup on. In some other places. That's correct. This is good. Can you get me one of the... Actually, I don't need it. Here we go.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
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The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
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The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Is it bad? Is it miserable? There are people on the internet that love this shit. Yeah. People that have, like, big, fat crab legs and they're like... Yeah, dude. I have a theory. Not a theory, but like... You've thought enough to establish a theory for mukbang? No, so like when it comes to food mukbangs, there's like very specific ones that each race does. Frank, what the fuck are you doing?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
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The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
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The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
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The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
These are brand new desks. Frank has already gotten salt, pepper, and a tube of hot dog all over it. I've already wanted... Are you performing surgery over there, sir? Oh my god, this is disgusting. I've always wanted to try this, ever since I saw that Asian guy doing it at a baseball game. He's using the hot dog as a straw, aren't you? Oh, I broke it. I need to play it like a flute.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
You fucked it up. Or, or, or, or. I just turned to a seal. Oh. I almost went back. Olivia. Olive. Bro, her name was Olive. Olive what? Branch. Olive. Olive oil. There it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. That took you too long, dude. I honestly didn't know her name at the beginning of that. Yeah. You know, that was my nickname as a baby. Olive oil? Popeye. Why? What's so funny about that? Look at you.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
You don't look like Popeye. As a baby, I would always do that face. Oh, okay, yeah. And smoke cigars. Right. And I had massive tumors on my forearm. And I had a tattoo of an anchor. Why? He's a sailor, bro. Was that a thing that sailors were like, I love being a sailor so much, I'm going to tattoo it on me? You know how the basic girl tattoo is like a dream catcher? Dream catcher, yeah.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Butterflies. Butterflies. For men. It's names and numbers. It's Roman numerals. Yeah. Crosses this. Oh, no, the worst one I've ever seen is I knew someone that had their first and last name, like one on each arm. That is bananas. That is the worst one. Having your own last name across the top of your back? Bro. I'm trying to think if we know anyone that has that.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I mean, I think a lot of people have that. Bro, did you ever see... We should just make this a back tattoo talk. Did you ever see Hulk Hogan's back tattoo? One of the worst I've ever seen. Is it worse than Ben Affleck's? It's in different ways worse. I've never seen his tattoo. Look at this piece of shit tattoo. What does that say? It says immortal. Immortal? That is so bad.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Well, his name was the immortal. First of all, his back looks like someone's spreading their asshole open. Doesn't it? This poor guy, babe. That looks like a bunghole, dude. Babe, babe, this poor guy's had like two dozen back surgeries. Poor guy. Yeah, well, actually, yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously, there's some. Yeah, no, that's bananas. That's bananas. Now bring up, go do Ben Affleck's.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I like Ben Affleck. I like Ben Affleck, too. I love the account. That back tattoo is amazing. It's a bad one. It's a bad one. I think because it's just like, I think in theory it wouldn't be that bad, but just like on him. What the hell are we doing? Of all places, like that's just such a bad. It's just. Like that is cool if it was not on his whole back. That would be cool on a playing card.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
How do you feel about like character tattoos? Like people that get like sleeves that are like Pokemon or something like that. I think old sleeves look cool. If it's like... Look, it's like Josh. Josh has sleeves of different horror characters. I think that's pretty cool. Yeah. I mean, it is a little strange that he has It the Clown. Does he? Yeah, he got Pennywise on it. I'm sure it looks great.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
It does. It does look good. He's going to be pissed when he sees it. He's going to be like, fuck the buppa. No, but this is kind of like... It's just, it's so out of nowhere. It's, yeah. It's just, like, that's the thing. If he was, like, openly just, like, love talking about phoenixes, I would get it. That just looks like a Moltres. No, he wishes it was a Moltres. Oh, here we go.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Some deep cut Pokemon. Go ahead. Who is it? No, I'm not going to say any Pokemon. But I'm saying, like, there's a lot of blue on there. Like, if it was a Moltres, yeah, we got to see some of these. Oh, no, no. I'm not going down here. Jesus Christ. Um, yeah, no, that was, uh, that was a bad one. You ever see Steve-O tattooed a penis on his face? Yeah, he got a penis coming into his eye.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Or pissing, I don't know what it is. I'm sure it's come, but where? It's up here? Yeah. Piss coming in his eye? You didn't see? We're on main YouTube. We're on main YouTube! Well, he goes on main YouTube, he has his own show, I'm sure he's okay. Yeah, but he probably covers the come-eye or whatever. I don't know. We have sponsors, by the way. Oh, we're going right to the sponsors.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
He's sucking the hell out of that. Did it work? Yeah. It's good? It's pretty good. Ugh. No? Bad? All right. I'm sorry. It looks gross. And there are a lot of people that are watching this that are like, I'm tuning out already. Yeah. It's all right. But we're here. We're live. We're large. The boys, when we do brunch, we have one speed. And that's, let's do this. Let's... And that's, let's do this.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
We do have sponsors. You haven't even touched your chicken, bitch. Well, you know, I'm considerate, I think. We have PrizePix, okay? PrizePix is the best place to get real money sports action. 10 million members and billions of dollars in awarded winnings, okay? People are making money doing this. And you can now win up to 1,000 times your money on PrizePix. It's really easy to understand, okay?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
A lot of the other games that you could play and do this type of stuff with, you have to know stuff about the game, this and that. This is a lot easier, okay? All you have to do is pick more or less than the projections, okay? So you're not battling against anybody else except these projections. So we're still in the playoffs. I mean, we're going to the Super Bowl here.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
But in the Super Bowl, you can do prize picks more or less, like I said. Or, you know, it's not just football also. It's for the NBA. It's for, you know, any sport you can think of. Basketball, football, baseball, hockey, whatever it is, you can do this with. But it's more or less.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
So you put in a couple of entries, and you do more or less, and then you – Ann is crawling on the ground right now, and that kind of scared me. It's been on the ground for five minutes already. But you guys can do that, and right now, you can sign up today. Download the app and use the code BASEMENT. You'll get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup, okay?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
So if you want to have some fun, make some money, like I said, you can win up to 1,000 times your money with just picking more or less of these projections. You download the app today and use the code BASEMENT to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup, okay? Prize picks. Run your game. And lastly here, we have Factor.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
If you're ready to optimize your nutrition this year, you want to go on the right foot here, you can do so at Factor. It has chef-made gourmet meals that make eating well easy. Because they're dietitian approved. They're ready to eat in two minutes. You just heat it up when you get it. But it arrives to your door fully prepared, perfect for any active or busy lifestyle.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
But, yeah, you can pick from protein plus, keto, calorie smart, or, like, you know, whatever your preference is for the type of meals you want to eat. It can also help you feel your best all day long with wholesome smoothies, breakfasts, grab-and-go snacks, and more add-ons. But, yeah, you can eat smart with Factor. Get started at factormeals.com slash basement50off and use the code basement50off.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
to get 50% off of your first box plus free shipping. That is code BASEMENT50OFF at factormeals.com slash BASEMENT50OFF to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. So easy way to get your meals in, get them delivered, heat them up, boom, and get that little 50 off, okay? There you go. Such a shame. Such a shame. What's a shame? What Greg did. By the way, wait a sec.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Greg took a bite of this hot dog sans bun. So he took a bite of the hot dog outside of the bun. He got no bun in his bite. That seems wrong, right? Am I wrong? That rhymed. No bun in his bite, right? I don't like that. No, I don't need a bun all the time. Hum? Like, I could eat a hot dog. Like, cut up hot dog. Buns make the dog better, though. We agree. Yeah. Don't, yeah, like that. Yes.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Yeah, with confidence. Yeah. That also wasn't confident. No, I mean, like, yeah, the first one. How's your chicken tendy? I haven't had one. Try it. Well, at this point, it's just been sitting out, and now I'm like. What's going to happen, Joey? Nothing. I just, like, it's not as appetizing to me. Take a bite. I think it's more for show. Mm-mm. Take a bite. Now. I don't know.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
It's pretty good. I haven't been to a lunch... I haven't been to brunch in a very long time. Oh, fell in again. What time do you think brunch is? Well... Give me a range. When's it start? I say 10 to 2. Yeah, because like... How hard is that Bloody Mary Hinton? 10 o'clock in the morning, you think I'm going to brunch? I don't know if you... What's the earliest you've drank?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
You think I'm like one of your children or something? What's going on over there? That doesn't work on them. I'm hoping it works on you. You're not going to take a bite at all? No. I love celery. Was it you who said celery was delicious? Yeah, I love celery. Yeah. You don't like celery? Or did you say it was spicy? Mm-mm. This is you trying to gaslight me. I never said it was spicy.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I said it has a spice to it. That's why celery- You're a manipulator. No, I'm not! Did anyone just hear that? No! No, no, no, bitch. Go. Because two things can mean two different things. Two things can mean two different things. Yes! Two things can mean the same thing. Two things can mean two different things. Go. Something that is spicy also has a spice to it.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Something that has a spice to it does not necessarily need to be spicy. Frogs and toads, baby. Frogs and toads. Why do you think celery seed or celery salt is a spice that you can use while cooking? Because there is a distinct spice, like a flavor to it. A flavor. A flavor. A spi- but it's more than a flavor. A flavor is flavor. Spice is spice.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Yeah, but all spices are just flavor enhancers or flavor additives. Spicy is spice. No, because technically garlic is a spice. It's spicy. What? If you bit a garlic clove, you'd be like... If you go in the spices aisle, you'll find things that are not spicy that are, you know, like oregano. Is cinnamon a spice? Technically, yes, it is. Yeah. So there you go! It has a spice to it. It does!
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Celery has a flavor and spice to it. That doesn't mean it is spicy. But what is the spice? Like, what do you describe? Just like a- like a peaked- like, it has like a peak of- of flavor. Like there's something- But what's the difference? But it comes to a peak. Like it comes to like more of a sharp edge than like a duller flavor. Does that make sense? A sp- so a spicy taste? No. It's not spicy.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Spicy is also subjective, you bitch. So, like, what is spicy to me may not be spicy to you. Right. Are you good with spice? I'm very good with spice, yeah. Really? Yeah. You think you're better at spice than me? Without a doubt. Really? Without a doubt. Oh, are you an atomic wing guy? I used to, yeah. But you don't anymore?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Anytime we would go, this is going to be, you can immediately pick apart this argument. But like, anytime when we were kids, we would go to Hooters, which we did pretty often. I wouldn't say that. We went like a couple times a summer. Frank, I feel like I've been to Hooters maybe four times in my entire life. Might have all been in the same summer. I've been at least a dozen times to Hooters.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
That's insane. No, it's not, is it? You went for the waitresses? Not half of those times. No, no. Honestly, no. My fraternity also did an event at Hooters. Oh, you and the frat bros going to Hooters. I'm sure it wasn't about the tats. It wasn't. It was during recruitment week. We were trying to show off that we had free... Show up for all-you-can-eat wings. We're paying for it at Hooters.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Who doesn't want to join that fraternity? Wait, do they have all-you-can-eat wings? I don't know if they still do, honestly. Do other countries do all-you-can-eat? Because that, to me, sounds like bananas. It is the most American thing on the planet. Like, pay a flat rate and just get all of the food, all of it, as much as all of it.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Unlimited fucking... Let's see, Brazil... Fettuccine Alfredo? Yes, other countries have all-you-can-eat buffets, including Brazil, Hong Kong, and Japan. Okay. Buffets are different. I'm saying, yeah, like, at restaurant specials, like, do they have, like, Tuesday is all-you-can-eat wing night? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm sure they do. If they have buffets, like, why would they stop at buffets?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I guess. I haven't really been to many buffets. Man, when's the last time I went to a buffet? I went to King China Buffet. That was like the place to go when we were kids. They had a koi pond in the front. It was so cool. I used to throw quarters in there. I didn't realize that I was killing the kois. You absolutely were. Absolutely was hurting the kois.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
And that was like the place that like for like fifth grade graduation, like all the people went there after fifth grade graduation. Mine was Neptune Diner. I would go there, get giant pancakes. And then on the way out, they had a little bowl of mints and I would eat all of them. I love sucking those mints. I love sucking those mints. They have a little jelly in them. They do. And they're dusty.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I think we've done this together. We've drank at like 8 a.m. Yeah, when we were like fucking 17. It was sick, right? Wrong, 21. Yeah. Yeah, I don't see anything wrong with it. But like a morning drink, maybe it was the potential of alcoholism at the time. I think so. That hits way harder than an afternoon drink. My Irish roots were really coming through. Yeah, they were present and available.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Yeah, that was crazy. That was wild. That's insane, dude. Yeah, that was wild. Crazy. Yeah, but they do have like a little jelly. You sucked them until the jelly came out on them. Yeah, well, I would bite them. Oh, dangerous. No, no, no. They weren't hard. They were like the dusty ones. So you like the salty, oh, like softer ones that you could bite to remove the jelly. But you know what I mean?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
We're just abusing our ability. I wonder if it'll show up. Do people know what they are? Boom! Yeah, no, I remember those, baby. Dusty Diner Mints. Get a couple bags of those bad boys. By the way, for those of you guys that weren't on Patreon, Ant is now our guy in the chair. I forgot about that. Yeah, Ant is our guy in the chair who is now doing whatever we ask him to do, basically. And thank you.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Black tar heroin. Why do you have, like, you're on a first name basis with black tar heroin that you just give it a nickname? Yeah. No. But, dude. Those are so good. A dusty old diner is so sick. I love it so much. I really do. The purple ones of those, you see how they're filled with the jelly? The green ones are the best, brother. Green are good. I like the red ones and the green ones.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I mean, the orange ones and the... If you ever handed me a yellow one, I'll tell you right now, I'm throwing it against the wall as hard as I can. The yellow ones, I actually like yellow-flavored shit, and people hate it. These yellow ones are garbage. I don't like yellow-flavored stuff. The fucking purple ones, I'd rather eat. Well, those are black licorice, aren't they? Disgusting.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I think they were black licorice. Why do old people fuck with licorice? That's all they had for fun back then they would be like hey look we got this chewing gum that when you chew it turns black and guess what it's licorice flavor. What the fuck is that? What's wrong with you sad fucks? Yeah. You had cooler cans and way of opening cans. That's it. But that's it dude.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Old people just like their shit. And then wax candy. Wax candy. One time my grandma got me these things it's like oh it's wax lips and I put it in my mouth and it makes you look like you have big lips and I tried to eat it and I'm like grandma You suck. I'm eating a fucking candle. You suck, Grandma. Why am I eating this? Yeah, I remember my mom, and she gave it to me once.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
She's like, it's like chewing gum. So naturally, I tried to chew it like chewing gum. It's not. You know what it's like? Wax. Yeah, biting into a candle. Oh, my God, it sucks. Into a Yankee candle, which I would bite some of those. Dude, I don't know if I ever told you this story, but in seventh grade, because remember, I went to the new school in seventh grade, and...
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
That sounds like I got, like, shipped off or something. I went to boarding school. I went to the school, but it was, like, the promise. Like, the science rooms had, like, science-y tables. You remember those science-y tables that had, like, the black, like, chalk-like. And they had a sink. A sink in the middle and shit like that. Bunsen burner. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
And our science teacher, he was going over what we were going to be doing this year, and it was cool shit. He showed us that experiment where you dip a can in hot water, and then you immediately go to cold water, and it just fucking crushes. Oh, that happens? You've never seen that? No. It's crazy. He showed us the one where like he puts like liquid in a cup and then it just like turns black.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Oh, yeah, I've seen that. And then at the end of everything, he's like, it's going to be he was getting like so dramatic. And he's like, it's going to be like we're going to like blow your mind. Science is everything and anything. And he lit a candle. And he's like, science will make you question your perception of reality. He blew the candle out and then ate it. And I was like, what the fuck?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Yeah. I'm just, I think 10 to 2 is the perfect brunch time. I was thinking like noon to 3. Noon is lunch. By definition, noon is lunch. By definition. Definition of lunch. But what's a brunch? It's breakfast lunch. It's in between breakfast and lunch. Lunch doesn't end at noon. I say breakfast, here we go.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Why did he eat it? This was crazy, dude. Yeah. It blew my mind. You definitely thought, that's so cool. I did. And then I found out that he was a fucking fraud. It wasn't a candle. It was a piece of string cheese. I was so pissed about this. It was a piece of string cheese. And he cut the... He cut like a sliver... of an almond and put it in the top and lit it so it looked like a candle.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
So he was like, candle, and then ate it. I was like, yo, this guy's crazy. We're going to do crazy shit this year. He just ate a candle. It was just string cheese with an almond. I love how that is what got Frankie to be like, yo, this guy ate a candle. This class is going to be sick. I would be like, what the fuck is going on, bro? I would give him a shout out, but fuck him. Damn it.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
That pissed you off, huh? I was- I was- Wait, how long- When did you find out? The end- It was, like, weeks if not months later. So, but you were devastated. Of course I was. How'd you find out? You asked him? I think someone had, like, asked and he told them, or, like, someone figured it out. He's like, oh, string cheese, you dumbass. Yeah, basically. I remember being so upset about it, too.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
What? I was just like, wait, that's not real. That's not a, yo, we were bought in. I was so bought in to the science class. Your world came crumbling down. And then I just found out it was string cheese with an almond. I love how you were so impressed by that that it was devastating to you. That he ate a candle. So upset. Did he eat the whole thing? No, he just took a bite.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
And it was like at the, literally it was as like the bell rang. Cause you remember teachers would be like, the bell doesn't dismiss you. I dismiss you. It's like, your dick is small. We get it. We get it, dude. And he'd be like, all right guys. So look forward. I'll see you. Cause we had like every other day classes. So if it was Monday, he'd be like, I'll see you on Wednesday. And never forget.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
We didn't need that detail at all. Well, it was at the end of class. And it was like, I'll see you on Wednesday two days from now. And never forget. We had a whole day off to be like what the fuck is this guy gonna do next class Yeah, and he was just like and never forget. We're gonna have a fun year science is everything And we're all like, what the fuck? What grade was this? Seventh grade.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Seventh grade, okay, that'll do it. Just the sweet spot of you still believe in the magic of the world, but then people start talking to you about the Bush administration. Yeah. Yeah. See, that's what you had, and then I had my Chinese-Spanish teacher that was failing me relentlessly every time. Oh, I had a Spanish teacher that hated me, too. Yeah, yeah.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
All my Spanish teachers besides... Wait, did I take Spanish in sixth grade? My seventh grade teacher was this Chinese woman who absolutely hated me. Yeah, we know. We remember the whole story. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
yeah we get it do not bring it up our spanish teacher the reason she hated us it made sense her last name was madera which is wood in spanish what did anyone hear the ghost that's miss madera yeah wait so would you say oh she she got so many wood jokes like boners Oh. Yeah. I thought you were just making, like, wood jokes, and I'm like, yeah, you got her. No, no, no. Like, you know.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Breakfast, anywhere from 7, it could even be earlier because people, you know, let's say 5 to 10 is breakfast. Bro, no way. If you wake up at 5 and eat, you're disgusting. That's insane. No, people do that because they have to. That's bananas. I mean, people work early, so they have to. But, like, delay it. Have coffee and then eat like an hour later. No, no, no.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Did you, because I remember in high school, did you show the priests in your high school your boners, or? I think that's not appropriate, honestly. I didn't have any, I did have, I had one brother. What are those? What are brothers? Monsinger? Monsinger? Monsignor? Monsignor. Yeah, but it's spelled with a G, brothers. Yeah. Is that what it is? Monsinger? What's a brother?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I think it's just like a guy. Like a guy who's almost there? A guy nun. Like a male nun? Like a dude nun. A gun. A religious brother is a man who takes vows of poverty, chastity. First of all, he was going to pay. Poverty. And obedience. What did we mean by, well, obedience, I get that, to the Lord. Yeah. You got to obey that. Chastity, that makes sense. Chastity, is that no puss? No sexies.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
No puss? And, uh. Vow of poverty? Poverty. He's definitely getting paid. I mean, that doesn't, that I don't understand. Like, you choose to live in squalor to feel more connected to God? Is that a thing? I don't know, but I'm confused why there's not a vow of being a fucking asshole, because that guy was an asshole to me. Really? Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, he was.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I always wondered, and I think I have asked you this before, but your science classes, where do they draw the line? Do they just start and stop at earth science? I'll tell you this. Or they'd be like, and the rivers run because of this and that, and then because of God. No, so it wasn't like that. Was it for you?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Really? I swear to God. Really? You want to hear what I had? That's weird because... By the way, for those of you guys that don't know, Joey and Ant went to the same high school. Right. Different times. Ant's like six years old. Okay. No. I had my... This is actually kind of funny. My science teacher was a gay man, right? Not out at the time. What's hysterical about that?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
You're saying like the thing that's like teaching science in a Catholic school, you're like, where are they drawing the line? And he was gay. So he had two strikes on him. He wasn't like out gay, but he was very obviously gay. Then I had another teacher who taught sex and religion. Was that the class? So sex and religion, who was trans.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
like was like since then has transitioned or at the time was transitioning no it was like like yeah wow I think maybe in the middle that's pretty cool well I was like I didn't think about that until right now when you said it like where they draw the line in science like it was a regular science like we did chem and biology that's pretty cool that's that's yeah cool in the sense like that they accepted her did I ever tell you the story about that class no uh oh true this is true right
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Well, I think I've said it before, honestly. So on the first day, the teacher was like, we're just going to make everyone comfortable. So everyone's going to go up to the board. And whatever makes you think of sex, write one word on the board. I think you have told me this, but continue. So people are writing like contraceptive, right? Because no one wants to be like nipples. Yeah. Oh, my God.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
This is the second version of the hot sauce that me and Greg did. The first one was the Everything Bagel hot sauce, but this is a Bloody Mary hot sauce. And again, you guys, fucking listen. I'm not being a shill because you pay the bills. It is really good, and it does go on everything that I have consumed. I have not had it in a drink. Right. Because I don't know why you'd put that there, but...
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Forget it. If I was in that class. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You probably would have pranked the whole thing. I would have. Honestly, if you were, like, in that class, what would you have written to try to be funny? Because I always try to be the class clown. I think I wrote, like, or something like that. Fat tits. I didn't write fat tits. That's insane. But, like, I wrote, like, something.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Some people are on different rhythms than you. I understand that. Clearly not. Clearly not. Too loud? That was loud. I didn't realize he had headphones on. You're in for a world of hurt over there, sexy fuck. That Bloody Mary is beating the shit out of you. Oh, God, it is. You got one sip in them, and it's already going crazy. I'll be honest. This hot dog is doing a lot of work. Yeah, you like it?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Like, I was trying to be, like... 69. There was a kid... I think someone did write 69. There was a kid who was... Strange. You know in the kids in high school that kind of act like cats and you're like, why is this guy meowing? You know what I mean? Yep. There was nothing wrong with this kid. I think that he just... Like cats. Maybe. Yeah. Or he was a cat. I have no idea. Okay. But...
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
He wrote hentai up on the board, which the teacher didn't know what it was. So he looked it up. No, he wrote hentai, and then as he's walking back to his seat, he was like, what is that? The kid said something like, it's something like when your favorite cartoons are having sex, but all the noises are real. He said something like that. That's a very accurate way of saying it.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Frank, this was the first day of class in our sex and religion class with our transgender teacher. It was... A whole ton. I mean, that's a good way to break the ice. I mean, good for us. The ice was shattered on that day. Okay? The ice was beat to shit. Oh, I wish any teacher allowed us to do something like that. Why? You want a full pass to write penis on the board?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I would have gotten in trouble. That's for sure. Like, if you were giving me a pass to write penis, first of all, there's no way I'm going up there. Big cock! Yeah, there's no way I'm writing penis. People would have... 2007, Joey, if one of us went on the board and wrote penis, they would have immediately...
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
pegged us as like you would have gotten whoa no i know i i am thinking about it right now we were in high school in 2007 yeah 2006 that is so crazy yeah and you were born in 2008 right no how old are you
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Okay. Four years. Five? How old am I? Well, he turned 28 this year. Five years. And it'll be five years because we're turning 33 this year. Oh, my God. Yo, disgusting. Ill, ill, ill. Disgusting. Ill, ill, ill, ill, ill, ill. Ill. Yeah. I don't feel 33. You know what's funny? On the drive-in, I was thinking to myself, like, I still feel like I'm the same person in just, like— That's not true.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
That's not true. Thank God I didn't but like I still feel like the same person in a sense that I was like my whole life like I don't feel like Like, 2007 was like, it feels like it could be a week ago or 18 years ago. You know what I'm saying? Okay. It just, it all feels like it happened in a short period of time. Right. So, like, dude, 2007 is going to be 18 years ago. It is 18 years ago.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Yeah, when I was younger, I remember thinking of someone who's 23 and being like, bro, get your life together. Like a 23-year-old. I remember, I think we spoke about this recently on an episode, but, like, I remember there would be, like, there was always, like, one girl in our high school, and they were like, her boyfriend's in college. He's 22. And everyone was just like, whoa.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
And then, like, now looking back on it, like, ugh. You're like, yo, slap some cuffs on that guy, dude. What the fuck is going on? Crazy, crazy. Yeah. I, uh, yeah, 20 years ago. Yeah. Almost. Can I ask what you're about to do? I'm about to eat this fried chicken that's been sitting here. Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. You're a savage. Hell yeah. You're a savage.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
That looked like it tasted really good. Give me that hot sauce, bitch. I can catch. Ooh, a little one-hander. Frank, give him the Bloody Mary hot sauce on a piece of chicken right before we get out of here. Make sure you put the tip of the bottle right where you bit the chicken, you fucking assholes. with you now. It's hot sauce. It sanitizes itself.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Guys, I think that's all for this week's episode. Are you going to say it? I was going to wait until you say what you were going to say, and then I was going to say my things. You can go try the Bloody Mary hot sauce that Frank has in his hand that he's about to... There you go. Go get it at theheatness.com. Go look for the Bloody Mary hot sauce. Thank you for supporting. We appreciate it.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I've been on a health kick lately. Frank, you're drinking a Bloody Mary and sucking it through a hot dog. The health kick is over. The health kick is completely over. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it's gone. I got hot dogs at the house, too, so those are on fucking call right now. I'm telling you that. When you eat a hot dog, is it kind of like a waterfall? You're like, well, I need three. Yeah. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Frank, where can they find you? You can find me at FAlvarez885 on Twitter, TheFrankAlvarez on all the forms of social media. Go to Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard to continue to support us. We appreciate you.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
And like I said earlier, if you're coming to the Just for Laughs shows in Vancouver on February 20th, 21st, one of those, or if you're coming to the shows in Europe, go to TheBasementYard.com slash submit. Submit the responses to the questions that we've asked you. It's going to be a party. We want to see you guys, and we're hoping you're happy. And that's all for this week's episode.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
You guys can go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram at TheBasementYard. We appreciate it. Thank you so much. Welcome to the new studio. Bye. See you next time.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Like, we have hot dogs. We only have four hot dogs at the house right now. Why do you know the inventory? How many hot dogs are available? Like, why do you know that? I just know. You know how many hot dogs on hand you have. No, you don't. Yes, you do. Well, I don't. How many hot dogs do you have on hand? Zero. Exactly. You know how many on hand. But if I had a package. That's the point.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
If I had a package, I wouldn't know how many were in there. Yes, you would. No, I wouldn't. Joey, if you bought a package of eight hot dogs, because that's a standard package, small package. See, I didn't know that. Yeah, you did. You knew that, yeah. Standard package, small package. You see that, right?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
If you bought a package of eight and you had three, you'd be like, oh, so I probably have five left. You know. Don't sit here and be high and mighty because you ran a fucking marathon and now you eat quinoa and you fucking, you like ancient grains and shit like that. You're a boy that loves hot dogs. You're a hot dog king.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Don't ever let the world, don't ever let the world change who you are in your heart. Who you are in your heart dictates everything about you. Your morals, your standards, the love that you show other people and all of us. All of us. are originally hot dog kings or queens or non-binary places of royal. I don't know. I don't know what the, you know, the, you know what I'm saying?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Can you hear like the amount of bullshit that comes out? Like, do you, what do you, what does it register as? Like you're, you're making sense or do you know it's bullshit? Oftentimes I started a sentence and I want to see how long I can go until I just trip up. That actually makes a lot of sense. There's a lot of that going around. Anyway, I want to talk about yesterday. Okay.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Had one of the worst days of my life. Uh-oh. Like a funny worst day? Yeah, yeah. That was a little dramatic. I was going to say, God damn. But you know me. Pisces. Dramatic. Or sensitive? I don't know. Either way. Do me a favor. I did want to cry. Do me a favor. Yeah. Get the fuck out after that. Pisces dramatic. Apparently, does it? Yo, this is not bad.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Yeah, it's kind of slapping my- The fucking Bloody Mary's not bad. I hate the- I'm going to tell you it's because of this, which it probably is. The sauce is amazing. Go get it. Heatness.com, by the way. Secret Handshake Food Co. Two for two. Just want to throw that out there. Bangers. But yeah, yesterday, my dog woke me up at 6 a.m., and he never wakes me up.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
So when he woke me up, I was like, great, now he's got diet doodle cha-cha-cha, which it was true. Oh, the fun little name that your family gave, diarrhea. My mother, yes. Yeah. By the way, this is the family that swears that none of them have IBS. Go ahead. Ooh. Gotta say, metal straws. Yeah, because this one almost just broke my front tooth just now. Your what? My front tooth.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Oh, I thought you said fuck tooth. My fuck tooth. This is an episode, baby. Yeah, all right. Welcome! To the new studio. That echoed. But he woke me up, so he's got di-do-da-cha-cha-cha. So I take him out. Sure enough, he's making espresso out there in the morning, right? God damn it, Joey. There's 90 other ways that you could say that. Yeah. So then we get back upstairs, and I'm like,
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
But we're gonna put it in a Bloody Mary because we got Bloody Mary! Bloody Mary! We're doing a brunch episode for the inaugur- Inaugur- Inaugur- Inauguration. Joey's really pumped. He's celebrating. He's been celebrating the whole time. How do I say that word? Ina- Ina- Inaugural. Inaugural. Inaugural? Inaugural. But technically, if we want to be- I thought it was gear-ul. Inaugural. Inaugural?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
All right, I'm going to take him to the office with me. So me and Greg came here, and we had a lot of stuff to do. The dog is driving me crazy. As soon as we get here, he needs to go out. So I take him out immediately. More espresso, all right? Please. Sing the song. Please. You just can't sleep, baby, I know. It's a butthole espresso. Exactly.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
So then we come back in here, and he's being restless. He's going up to Greg. He's getting in my face and breathing and whatnot. And I'm like, oh, my God, just relax for a second. I go to the bathroom. As soon as I go to the bathroom, he throws up on the carpet. Nice. So there's that. Oh, he christened it. He christened it.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
You know how people, like, when their friend gets a new car or something, they throw, like, spare change on the floor or something like that? That's the dog's way of christening this new place. The Greeks do that shit, right? The Greeks love that. They tie dollars all over the place. Like, what is this? They're sometimes stupid. Say it. I'm Greek. I can say it, baby.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
And this espresso, vegetable espresso is killing me. I don't know what that meant, but God bless him. I can't have alcohol. I know. But anyway, we get in here and he's freaking out. So he throws up on the carpet. I'm like, oh my God, here we go. So, I put him on the couch, and I'm just like, you know, trying to make him relax a little bit. This dude throws up like a fat man. Like a lot.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Like, throws up like, boof. And I'm like, bro. When he throws up, do you hear him heaving, or is it just like a push? No, you hear... Yeah. Yeah, he does that. Alright, I'm about to eat. Yeah. Well, the story doesn't get better. Oh. As far as eating goes. I don't know if it gets better in any other way. I was going to say, how would it get better at all? So he throws up like that.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I'm like, fuck, now I got to take him. You mind shutting the fuck up? Are you forgetting that we're on a podcast? What the fuck is this, kid? Frank, you're not actually at brunch. Here we go, here we go. Shut up, Joey. Me shut up? Frank, you know what? Let's all wait until Frank's done cutting his fucking breakfast. How about that? I shut up hungry. Are you done? Pretty good. Yeah.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
So, then, I'm like, I gotta take him to the vet. Frank, you shut the fuck up right now. I hate this kid. I absolutely hate you. Go ahead with your story about your dog. Oh, you know what? Forget the story. Let's just listen to you fucking eat. Let's just do that. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful story later about something super cool.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Or we'll start rattling off names of directors no one's ever heard of. Let's do that. Luca Guadagnino. Okay. Okay. Do you want me to keep going? No. Okay. I'd like you to stop. Drew Goddard. No. Matt Reeves. I meant stop eating and drinking. That's what I meant. All right. All right. Hold on. One more. One more. Onward. Wow. You're really... You're cheat...
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I was going to say your cheeks touched in there. You saw that, right? Yeah. All right, go ahead. So anyway, I go to the vet. I go to the vet. Can't find parking. I'm like, what the fuck? So I put it in a hydrant, and I get into, don't you dare eat that piece of chicken, Frank. Don't eat the fucking piece of chicken, all right? This is like having children. You're pointing at no one.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Inaugural? I don't know, but- Look at these bloodies, baby. Look at that. I mean, you have the chicken tenders on yours. I obviously went with a really well-cooked hot dog. What's going on with the bun is my question. The bun. So, Greg, thank you for setting this up, Greg. I appreciate it. But when he heated up... When he went to heat up the hot dog, he also went and put the bun in the microwave.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
There's no one over there. All right, shut up, guys. I'm not going to tell the story if you're going to keep doing this. I know that you're having fun, but I'm going to come over there and put you in a chokehold. Okay, all right, all right. I'm serious now. I feel bad about your dog that might be dying. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, shit. Seriously? No. I don't know. He's not dying. That's scary. Yeah?
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Will that get you to shut up? Yeah. Then he is dead. I mean, listen, if this was a serious health concern for your dog, then I would have stopped playing around. Oh, you're playing? Yeah. You're a piece of shit, dude. All right, no, seriously. One more outburst. And I'm tearing the walls of this fucking studio down. I will throw all the money away. I don't think you'd do that. This was not cheap.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I will throw the money away. All right, go ahead. Seriously. So anyway, I get to the vet finally. And I put my car in a hydrant. I take my dog out. I walk in. And they take him in the back. And I tell them what's been going on and whatever. And then I come back out to the waiting room. Because they're like, we'll take him in the back. We'll give him meds or whatever.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
So I'm sitting in the waiting room. And two minutes go by. And then this girl comes out from the back with a laptop. Well, before I got there, they're like, here's what your bill's going to be. Do you want to do the x-ray? If you want to do the x-ray, it's this. It was $1,700. With the x-ray? With an x-ray. I was like, you know what? I'll just look at them really hard, and then I'll figure it out.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
So I was like, I'm not doing the x-ray. You're the person with zero medical experience for humans, let alone animals. Correct. But then the bill was $800. I was like, what? I mean, you don't have pet insurance? I do. But it's still $800. With pet insurance, it was $800? No, I think you have to, like... Oh, it's like rebate? Yeah, that type of thing.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
I was going to say mail-in rebate, but that's completely wrong. I mean, that might be, technically. I don't know. You mail in the check, and they rebate you. Yeah. They'll bait you. They'll bait you. Yeah. Master re-baiters. Sorry, that was the... If you're going to produce this show, you can't cough. That was my bad. He's eating, he's coughing. That was my bad. Come on. This is serious.
The Basement Yard
#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch
Yeah, be serious. The dog is fucking sick. The fucking dog is... So I go out to the front, the girl comes out with a laptop. Now I get super scared. That's scary. Because she sits down and she goes, okay, so you're Charlie's dad? I was like, yep. And then she's like, okay, we just wanted to let you know. And I was like, bro, what the fuck is going on right now? That's fucking... That... So scared.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
But the other guy was Perseus. He was shot with an arrow.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
You're just really spoiling everything. Yeah, I said, I said. Beating the fuck out of her, right? Disgusting beat up. And then fucking... I don't even know if she's alive or dead. I can't remember. But then at one point, they wake up and they're one.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Oh, but she's trying to make it. It's like you're not a cabbage patch doll. You like turn them sideways and their eyes close. Yeah. That's funny. Oh, you know what you should do?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Oh, what should we say for you? Oh, just so big and hairy or whatever.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
He would count down his birthday, bro, like he's the queen. That was bananas. First of all, fuck you. Second of all, who the fuck are you? How did I get first fuck? How is fucking King Disney over here? When's your birthday?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
No, if you want a real roar Yeah, you want a real roar? Yeah, give me a real roar. Alright, hold on.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Well, don't make me laugh. What am I doing? You want a real roar?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
One more one more one more roar. I'll give you one more more. That's it. All right. All right Send us off with one more good. Oh, no, we're getting going. Yeah Yeah, you you were like this I need to
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Your face is wet with tears, dude. Oh, no. Why are you crawling? Frankie's crawling. I'm gonna watch that a thousand times, dude. Immediately putting up that footage.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Oh, my God. You're so easy to get. Don't punch it. Oh, fuck, man. Can you roar?
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
Oh, my God, dude. Yeah. So stupid. Yeah. Well, I think that's it.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
He's gonna get him. He's to gag. It's crazy how easy you gag. It's insane how easy it is to get you gagged.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
There's problems there. Wait, no, T. There's problems.
The Basement Yard
#492 - We Took The Substance
What the hell is this shit? They have a glow stick shoved in their ass.